Beginning, Section II, Next Section
Perhaps William had not felt nervous about speaking to Mr. Bennet when he spoke to Elizabeth of the meeting, but by the time he had awakened and prepared for dinner, he was quite anxious. It was all in vain, though, because Mr. Bennet did not interrogate him as he had expected. William, his father, and Mr. Bennet had an agreeable time talking together.
When Mr. Bennet excused himself for a few minutes, Mr. Darcy and his son talked about his tour, the cities that he had seen, and the galleries he had visited. As Mr. Bennet was returning, he overheard Mr. Darcy asking his son why he had separated from the gentlemen with whom he had been travelling, and Mr. Bennet decided not to enter the room but instead to listen from the doorway. He was slightly ashamed of himself for eavesdropping, but had been wondering the same thing and wanted to know more about the character of the man with whom he suspected his daughter was forming an attachment. If eavesdropping had to be resorted to in order to protect his daughter, then so be it.
William became angrier with every word, "Father, they were not of a moral character with which I would wish the Darcy name to be associated, even in a foreign country. At school they had never taken their studies seriously and had been involved in many activities of which I did not approve, but apparently I had missed much of what was happening while I was studying. I did not consider these men to be my friends--truly the only reason I travelled with them was because they were going to Italy, and I had always wished to see it--I did not think so badly of them as not to travel with them. Sir, these men had only debaucheries and vices on their minds. They did not travel because they were interested in Italy; they travelled to escape the gossips of the ton so they could act in a wilder manner than they had at Cambridge! Through their boasting I learnt that it was not much different for them when in England; they had only been more discreet about their activities! Their main activities were drinking themselves into oblivion, betting on who could lift the most skirts, carrying out these activities, and over breakfast, boasting about each encounter in lurid detail! Gentlewomen, servants, peasants--it made no difference to them, for they had absolutely no respect for any woman they met and, while promising the world to each one, they cared not what consequences they left behind."
"My experience with 'gentlemen' was much the same as yours, William," Mr. Darcy admitted. "It is the way of many men, son, and you will have to accept it. Within the ton especially, they marry to have a legal heir, but many will participate in other activities. That is the reason I became so upset that time your uncle took you to a courtesan. I did not wish for you to turn into one of them."
"Father, that was the only time I have ever done such a thing. After your reaction and our discussion, I would not go again. Now I am glad that I have not." He did not feel comfortable saying that now that he was in love with Elizabeth, though he was somewhat relieved that he knew what to do when they would be together in the future, he was also glad to have saved the rest of himself for her.
"So, you were alone for most of the trip?"
"Their behavior was absolutely sickening and, after less than a week in their company, I went off on my own. I am disgusted that these men who have absolutely no morals are the future for the House of Lords, and will be deciding policy for England!"
"I am happy to hear that you were strong enough to stand by your principles and not give way to others' criticism of you, William. You will find there are good men with similar principles to your own, and they will become your allies."
"If Bingley had not been two years behind me, I would have been happy to have travelled with him. There were a few of my friends who left Cambridge over the past two years that I had found to be good men as well."
Mr. Darcy was thoughtful for several minutes before responding. "It is good that you are not too proud to be friends with Bingley; I like him very much." He hesitated for a few moments and then continued, "Mr. Bennet is a true friend whom I had found while at school, but we both became so busy with our lives, and Pemberley and Longbourn are far apart, that we lost contact for a while. When we met up again at the bookstore many years ago, I learned a great deal about life and about myself. Spending time with him again was like a breath of fresh air after spending so many years involved only with the ton. I had forgotten what it was like not to have to second guess a man's every intention. Mr. Bennet is who he is, and that is all; there are no ulterior motives, no schemes. Though his wife is a bit mercenary, she is truly concerned for her daughters' welfare--and she is certainly honest about it. Do you remember our visit there three years past? There certainly were no hidden agendas; she nearly threw her eldest daughter in your lap! It was refreshing!"
William looked horrified, and Mr. Darcy laughed. "Do not look at me like that, William, you have experienced the subtle intrigues of the ton's marriage-minded mamas, but you will not see them at their worst until you are in control of Pemberley and the Darcy funds. I had this problem before your mother and I married--actually Mr. Bennet had helped me in many ways even back then--but I had forgotten how bad it was until I came out of mourning. Any time I am in London, I have women making all sorts of offers, and others contriving ways to have me compromise them or even their young daughters! Whoever said that women are no good at strategy did not know the ladies of the ton! They only need the right inducements to make up plans that would rival those of our most stalwart generals. Right now I am in control of the estate and so their focus is on me, but you will see what I mean when it is your turn. I might sound cynical, but I warn you to protect yourself, William, or you will end up married to a woman not of your choosing--a conniving witch who would take advantage of your sense of honor and duty to get her greedy hands on your money and the power of the Darcy name."
Mr. Darcy let that hang in the air for a minute before continuing, "Back to the original discussion… the valuable lesson I learned when becoming reacquainted with Mr. Bennet was this: Do not allow yourself to lose contact with those you trust now, William. Sometimes ruts appear in the road, sometimes the road is washed out, but if you find yourself on a detour, do not lose sight of the primary road. Always make certain you find your way to it again."
Mr. Bennet did not give away that had he heard every word of what had been said during that discussion, but he had to admit to himself that it eased his mind a great deal. He waited a minute or two after the room had become silent to "return."
The older gentlemen left William to sleep and reconvened in the study for brandy and cigars and to discuss Mr. Darcy's decision to disclose his secret to his son only after Mr. Bennet and Elizabeth had left Pemberley; he and William would decide together when to speak to Georgiana. The two old friends further discussed having their daughters correspond. Mr. Darcy would let Mr. Bennet know in advance when he would be explaining his illness to Georgiana so that Elizabeth could be told before she received Georgiana's letters concerning his illness.
William continued to improve a little each day, and that first day of convalescence had set the stage for the temporary routine at Pemberley until he was finally given permission to leave his bed. The ladies would spend some time with William in the late morning and early afternoon, reading, playing chess or discussing his trip, and the gentlemen would spend the dinner hour with him. He had Hughes to retrieve the books he had read before he had gone to Italy so that he and the ladies could read together about the places he had been. He showed them the sketches he had made, and Elizabeth was impressed with his talent.
Beginning the second day after Elizabeth was injured, she would go downstairs each morning to break her fast with Mr. Bennet, Mr. Darcy, and Georgiana; in the afternoon, after visiting William, the ladies would practice together on the pianoforte. William had asked that his door and the door to the music room be left open when they left his room so that he could listen to their playing, and especially to Elizabeth's singing. The ladies agreed to this only for part of the time; when they were learning a new piece, they insisted on closing the door to the music room.
James continued to carry Elizabeth when she needed to move about the house. Much to Elizabeth's relief, after a few days she was given leave to walk a little each day, excluding climbing the stairs, and the amount of walking she could do increased as time passed. William was relieved as well not to have to see her in James's arms when she entered his room. No matter how well he controlled the outward display of his jealousy, he could not control his thoughts every time he saw Elizabeth in another man's arms, even though he understood completely why it was necessary. Elizabeth saw it in his eyes, though. Little did William know that the jealousy he was so ashamed of, and his success in controlling it, was helping his suit considerably, as was the relief he had no qualms about showing every time she paid the slightest bit of attention to him. Instinctively, Elizabeth reassured him with subtle looks and smiles only for him and stolen touches in the form of hands brushing when a cup or book was passed between them. If Georgiana noticed any of this, she acted as if she had not.
Mr. Smythe finally gave William permission to leave his room on the last day that the Bennets would be at Pemberley. As he headed downstairs to meet the family in the drawing room, he heard Elizabeth's laugh coming from the stairwell and smiled. As he arrived at the top of the stairs, James had just begun to descend with Elizabeth in his arms. A dark look passed across William's face, and his hand gripped the banister so tightly that Elizabeth could hear the wood creak. Her eyes locked with his, and he willed her to look only at him. As soon as Elizabeth reached the bottom, she said something to James that William could not hear. James returned her to her feet and stepped away against the wall. She waited there for William to descend, which he did without breaking their gaze. When William was beside Elizabeth, he extended his arm, she took it, and they walked toward the drawing room to go meet Georgiana.
Out of James's hearing, Elizabeth whispered, "It is not his fault, William. Your father assigned James to help me because James is his most trusted footman."
He stopped and leaned his back against the wall with his eyes closed. She could see his jaw muscles clenching as he struggled to control his temper and took a deep breath to calm himself. He then admitted, "I do not want you to leave me, Elizabeth. If your ankle must be injured, I want to be the man to carry you everywhere! I want you in my arms. I never want to see another man touch you again."
She reached up and laid her hand on his cheek; his eyes flew open and met hers… and he gasped at what he saw there. "I do not wish to be touched by any man other than you, William… ever."
His eyes glistened suspiciously from the light of a candle a few feet away, and he took another deep, shaky breath. "I love you, Elizabeth. Please tell me that you will marry me."
"I love you, my William, and would be most honored to become your wife."
He leaned in and kissed her gently before whispering, "My Elizabeth ..." and slow smiles spread across their lips as he turned them to continue toward the drawing room.
Georgiana noticed they were each caught in a sort of dream-like state before luncheon was served. Once they were in the dining room, they both made more of an effort to converse with Georgiana, and after luncheon they went to the music room, as was the ladies' routine, but this time, he followed. William was entranced by Elizabeth's playing and singing, and Georgiana had no doubt in her mind that they were in love. She wondered if Elizabeth was soon to become her sister.
Before dinner, the entire party was assembled together for the first time in many weeks. William brought down some books that he had bought in Italy and began to tell them all about his trip. Elizabeth especially was interested in seeing his drawings again and expressed an interest in seeing Italy herself one day. With a look, William promised her she would, an assurance which was not missed by either of the older gentlemen--nor were any of the other looks exchanged by the lovers unnoticed. After dinner, surprising William, his father called for separating.
Once the gentlemen were settled, Mr. Bennet said, "From what I have seen tonight, I take it my Elizabeth has accepted your proposal?"
William could not hide his shocked expression for a few moments before he schooled his features. He cleared his throat and said, "Yes, sir. I was going to ask for a few minutes of your time tonight…"
"That will not be necessary. Your father and I have already discussed this possibility and have devised a plan."
William felt as if his whole world was falling apart. "A plan, Mr. Bennet? Father?"
They had previously discussed, and hoped, that if Mr. Darcy led this conversation, William might listen more carefully. "William, there are several reasons why we think it too soon to discuss a betrothal between you and Miss Elizabeth. The first being her age… she is but sixteen."
"Mother was married at seventeen, and Elizabeth mentioned that her mother was a bride at seventeen as well."
Mr. Darcy looked at Mr. Bennet for confirmation, and Mr. Bennet nodded. Mr. Darcy continued, "Yes, that is true, but Elizabeth will not turn seventeen until the thirtieth day of May of next year. We think it would be better if you separated until then."
"But… well then, may we become betrothed now and have a long engagement?"
"Miss Elizabeth has only just come out. Mr. Bennet would like her to have one season without any obligations restraining her from meeting other gentlemen. He wants to be certain that she has not been influenced while spending time here at Pemberley by… materialistic concerns."
"Do you honestly think her materialistic? Do we speak of the same Elizabeth?" William paused for a moment before continuing, "You both know very well that Elizabeth is much more mature than her age implies and has a better understanding than most men twice her age! You do not trust that she knows her own mind?" Turning again to his father he said, "Or is it that you do not trust your son's judgment and object to my choice, Father?"
"We trust both of you to make the correct decision, but you must also trust that Mr. Bennet has his daughter's best interests in mind. We can plan a reunion when Miss Elizabeth turns seventeen, and if you both still feel the same way about each other, you can ask her again at that time."
William's tone reflected his pain as he said, "If we feel the same way? Father, I love her! I have always had a special feeling for her, well beyond friendship. I believe my heart was just waiting for her to be old enough for it to blossom into love, but now that it has, I do not wish to be separated from her. If she did not care for me, I could understand this plan, but I have been fortunate enough to gain her love! That is not going to change no matter how much time and distance you put between us and no matter how many men you force her to accommodate as dance partners; I do not believe her to be as inconstant as you both obviously do! Why would you wish to put us both through a separation for eight months with no promise of a future together, not allowing us to so much as visit? Without an engagement, we would not even have the benefit of hearing a word from each other in all that time. If you want us to wait to marry, I will wait as long as you wish, but I cannot understand why you would have us wait for an engagement."
William turned to Mr. Bennet. "Have I done something to make you feel I am not a good enough match for your daughter, Mr. Bennet? Are you hoping that she will change her mind?" The last was said with such pain in his eyes that Mr. Bennet almost gave in. He did not want the boy to misunderstand him, but Mr. Bennet did not have a chance to respond.
"That is enough, William! Mr. Bennet will not give his consent to the marriage at this time, and therefore, neither will I. Since Elizabeth is not yet of age, you both will have to abide by his wishes in this matter! We willonor Mr. Bennet's wish that Elizabeth will have her season to be sure of her decision. You will spend that time preparing to become master of Pemberley. Time will pass quickly enough."
Too overwhelmed with emotion to speak lest he lose control, William left for his chambers.
The young man paced his rooms until he could no longer stand the infernal waiting. William knew that it was wrong in the eyes of society, but he felt that he must go speak to Elizabeth! She was leaving in the morning, and he would not see her again for eight months. That this was their only chance made him despair! As he looked down the hall toward his father's room he thought, "You have made me desperate! I would not disregard propriety in such a manner if not for this plan!"
He walked into the corridor and quietly made his way to the guest wing, barely tapping on the door to what he hoped was Elizabeth's chamber. Georgiana had told him that she had been placed in the blue room, and as he waited for her to answer he prayed that his sister had been correct.
Elizabeth opened the door and whispered, "William!" She stepped aside to let him pass through, and then looked both ways down the corridor before closing--and locking--the door. Once the door was closed, she placed her hand on his cheek and caressed his skin. "What has happened, my love? You do not look well at all."
She looked very well indeed. She was absolutely beautiful, her hair down, clad only in a nightgown and a thin robe. She truly was an angel! He gathered her to him and pulled her closer against him, lowering his face into her hair and allowing her heavenly scent and the feel of her in his arms to overtake his senses. "This is home! This is where I belong!" he thought. "How will I survive eight months without her?" Aloud he said, "If only my other arm were healed so that I could hold you properly!"
She pulled away slightly and looked into his eyes, her face showing her concern, "Tell me, my love. What troubles you so?"
"Elizabeth, I… what will you think of me? I apologize for having the presumption of coming to your room, and normally I would not have done so, but this will be the only opportunity we will have to talk for a very long time. I could not bear to have you leave without spending time with you once more." He looked into her eyes wishing he could lose himself within them as he had done earlier in the day, but he needed to tell her so many things. "Neither of our fathers will even consider giving their consent to our engagement until your birthday. My heart is battling with my mind--one is telling me to beg you to come away with me this moment for Scotland, but the other would never allow it. I know that neither of us would ever feel comfortable with what we had done if we did not honor their wishes. But when I think about how we will not be allowed to contact each other in any way until you are seventeen--never to see each other, not even letters--I do not know how I will get through it."
Elizabeth was stunned. She knew that her father would never force her to marry anyone she did not want to marry, but she had never thought that he would prevent her from seeing the man she had chosen. "What were their reasons?"
She could feel his whole body stiffen before he said, "Your father wants for you to have a season in order to have the opportunity to meet other men before making a decision about whether you really wish to marry me or not. That means he wants you to feel free to dance, converse, laugh, walk out, and flirt with other men without any prior attachments." He closed his eyes. "I have not even danced with you." He was quiet for a few moments, trying to collect himself before continuing, "I think I will go quite mad over the next few months knowing that you will be doing those things, Elizabeth. But since letting you go temporarily is the only path currently available to attain their approval, I will find a way through it… somehow."
He looked so dejected as his voice dropped to a whisper that her heart almost broke. "I do not know what it is about me that your father finds so objectionable." She wanted to say something, but she instinctively felt he had more he needed to say before she spoke. She felt him shudder before saying, "I want you to be happy above all things, even if that means I cannot have you. Elizabeth… do you feel that I pressured you into this decision? That you were not ready, or really able to make the choice to marry me? Do you feel as if you did not truly make an informed decision or that you were rushed?"
He looked at her with such pain in his eyes and seemed so vulnerable that she laid her hand on his cheek to reassure him with her touch. He leaned into it a little and looked deeply into her eyes as she answered him, "My William, I have not felt pressured by you in any manner; you only showed me in no uncertain way that you were absolutely sure that I was your choice, no matter what I said to you. You never made me feel that I needed to rush--you accepted my delays in answering without question. You have been completely honest and have never hidden anything from me.
"I can understand my father's wishes a little better than you can, I think. The only reason I delayed my acceptance was that I wished you to be certain of your choice in me. I could not believe that a man such as you would choose someone like me when you could have your choice of any beautiful, accomplished, elegant, and sophisticated woman of the ton. I was afraid that by assisting you when you were injured that you might have confused gratitude with love, and I wanted to make certain that this was not the case… only because I wished you happy; I did not wish to eventually make you miserable by selfishly accepting you." She arched her brow before saying, "I have seen marriages like that--I live daily with the consequences of a marriage like that. I did not wish to end up like my parents, William, with my father, on a daily basis, regretting his decision to apply for my mother's hand, unable to respect her, unwilling even to spend time in the same room with her when it is not absolutely necessary.
"With time, I recognized the qualities of my character that you enjoyed the most when you spent time with me were the very same qualities that make me different from the ladies of the ton. That being the case, I could see that if you had married a lady from the ton, you would be just as unhappy and dissatisfied as is my father with my mother." Her tone turned playful as she added, "And so I decided to save you from that fate and accept you!"
"Knowing this about your parents does make your father's wishes a little easier to understand. I can see why he would not want his fate for you, Elizabeth. You are too precious to be made to live an unhappy life." He looked down at their hands that were entwined between them. "However, it does not cause me to like this plan of his, and knowing his reasoning will not make our time apart pass any more quickly… or more easily."
"William, do you doubt my acceptance of your offer or fear that I do not really love you? Did you not believe me when I said that I would never wish for another man to touch me? Do you not trust me?"
"I can see in your eyes that you love me, Elizabeth, and I know it deep within me." He smiled. "It is why I was so persistent." His expression turning serious again, he said, "I do trust you… it is the men with whom you will be dancing and walking out that I do not trust. I will not be there to protect you, and you will not have the public acknowledgement of our betrothal to protect you in my absence." She saw his jaw muscles working before he said, "Thoughts plague me that other men will have the opportunity to brush against you while they dance with you, to feel your hand on their arm as they escort you, or to try to steal a kiss while they walk with you… or that they will try things even worse."
She smiled widely, "Ah, and do you think that growing up as a hoyden did not have some benefits toward learning how to defend myself against unwanted advances, then? I can belay your fears and tell you that it most certainly did--mostly by accident…" she blushed, "but then as we got older… well I think that when John Lucas returned home from school last summer, he was taken very much by surprise at certain… shall we say, developments that had taken place while he was away." She blushed and laughed when William's eyes were drawn to those developments, and he then blushed at being caught. "Being a very protective older brother to Charlotte and feeling as if I were his sister, he taught us a few extra additional tricks. I hope you do not mind but because I believe that no woman should ever be put into the position of feeling helpless, I have even had the audacity to show what I have learned to Georgiana. If my assurances do not make you feel comfortable enough, sir, I suggest that you teach me how to defend myself."
He responded in the same playful tone of voice that she had used, "A good teacher first reviews what his student already knows. Tell me what you would do if someone did this…" and he kissed her. Truly he was not expecting her to react to his stolen kiss, and so it took him by surprise when her hands wrapped around his neck to pull him closer to her, and she continued to kiss him. He could not resist her advances, nor did he want to, and he slowly deepened the kiss until they had to break apart for lack of breath. He leaned his forehead against hers and whispered, "Though I do not mind for myself, if that is how you would 'defend' yourself, Elizabeth, it is not at all encouraging to me."
She smiled and whispered, "My defenses are only for unwanted advances, my William. Your advances are most welcome."
In an attempt to maintain his control long enough to teach her how to protect herself, he changed the subject. "Tell me what you would do if the advances were unwanted, or I shall not know where your education is lacking and therefore, cannot teach you anything new."
She moved closer to him, brushing his lips with hers while saying, "Oh, but I think you are teaching me quite a bit that is new, William."
His head was swimming at her closeness and her scent; his lips were tingling with the feel of hers being brushed against them… but the fear was still nagging at him. "Please, my love, I cannot be easy until I know that you are safe when you are apart from me."
Her eyebrow arched, and she whispered, "Perhaps a slap."
"And what about this?" he nuzzled her neck and began to trail feather kisses along it, tasting her sweet skin along the way.
"Mmmmmm…"
"What would you do?" he whispered in her ear, causing her to shiver with pleasure.
"Will you do that again if I tell you?" she rejoined, one eyebrow seductively raised.
He chuckled lightly into her ear then whispered huskily, "I would be very happy to reward you for the correct answer."
His whisper caused her to shiver again, and she became lost in all the sensations that were consuming her ability to think.
"Elizabeth?"
Her answering look caused him to pull back and turn away from her.
Taking several minutes to compose himself, he finally said, "Elizabeth, you do realize that you are probably in a more dangerous situation at the moment than you have ever been in before, particularly if we continue in this manner… with you looking at me like that… and especially in your bed chamber?"
"I am not afraid of you, William."
"I am very glad of that, but if we continue, perhaps you should be. You cannot realize how tempting you are to me in any situation, but right now the temptation is tenfold, and I am very close to losing all control. I have never wanted anything more than to have you as my wife, Elizabeth, and especially at this moment, to make you my wife. I do not want to do anything to hurt you; I would regret it the rest of my life. I should quit your room immediately, and if you were not leaving in the morning I would--but I cannot bear to relinquish the time we have left! Please… just talk to me for a while."
He turned toward her to say the last, and his heart wrenched when he saw her face was tearstained, her eyes averted to the floor. "Elizabeth?"
"I apologize, Mr. Darcy… I - I did not mean to act in such a wanton manner. I am ashamed of myself."
"Mr. Darcy? No longer 'my William'? What have I done?" He stepped closer to her and dried her tears with his caresses. "Please, my sweet Elizabeth… I did not mean to make you feel as if you should be ashamed of your actions. It is only that I never wanted to stop, and I knew that I had to just then or I would not have until..."
He closed his eyes and sighed. "How do I explain this?" he thought, then opened his eyes and said aloud, "I never wish for you to be ashamed to express what you are feeling or thinking to me… or with me--not ever. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, and I would never wish to stifle any reaction you may have or make you feel as if you should suppress… anything--any thought, any feeling, any action--when we are alone. But trust me if I say we must stop when we are physically expressing ourselves before we are married. There are certain things that will cause the man in me to overtake the gentleman who wants to protect you…"
He pulled her into an embrace and silently cursed his injured arm once again for preventing him from holding her properly. After a minute or two he asked, "Do you understand all that I have said?"
"Yes, I think I do."
"Other men do not love you the way I do, Elizabeth, and they will not feel the need to protect you. The man in them will not stop, even without any encouragement. That is why we were speaking of your learning how to defend yourself."
Elizabeth nodded and told him what other defenses she knew of. Some he was quite surprised she was aware of, and some even he did not know… but then she explained that she used to wrestle with the boys.
"Good G-d, Elizabeth! Do not tell me such things! You wrestled with the boys in your neighborhood? Thoughts like that will prey on my mind while we are apart, and I will come to Hertfordshire and challenge every male that lives within ten miles of Longbourn!"
She tried not to laugh. "William, at the time I wrestled with them they were mere boys. My physical attributes were not that different from a boy's and neither was my behavior! None of them thought of me as a girl at all, which is why John Lucas was so surprised when he came home from school that summer."
"And all these 'mere boys' are now men who do think of you as a woman!"
"Right, they now all think of me more along the lines of a sister, not truly a woman." She saw a distraction was necessary. "By the by, I fence."
"You fence?"
"Yes, do you?"
"I am a gentleman, madam. All gentleman fence!" he said with mock insult. "And just how well do you fence?"
"I usually thrash everyone that I ever challenge to a match."
He looked at her doubtfully. "I would think that not many men would accept that challenge, Elizabeth."
"They do before I am through teasing them about being afraid that they might be defeated by a girl, sir."
He laughed. "And then you go about besting them! You are cruel."
"It serves them right for teasing me about fencing's being a man's sport."
"So you play chess, wrestle, and fence. What other male sports will I have the pleasure of passing the time playing with you once we are married?"
"No, I will not give all my secrets away. You will have to learn some of them when the time comes."
He smiled, "It seems we will not be bored during the long winters in the north."
"Of that, I have no doubt," she said while winding her arms around his waist and pulling herself against him. The position reminded him of when they were in the woods and the longing he had felt to repeat it every time he lay down to go to sleep. "I can do this without losing control; I know I can!"
"Elizabeth? Tell me if I am too bold. May I ask if I can hold you the way we did to stay warm in the woods? I…"
"I have often longed for you to hold me that way again, William. I tried snuggling with a pillow--but it was not the same." She smiled playfully.
"I am happy to hear that I cannot be replaced by a mere pillow!"
Taking his hand, she walked over to the bed. He got onto the bed, awkward as it was with his arm in a sling, and pulled the covers back. She slipped in, and then he covered her up again. "Why do you not get under the covers with me?"
"I cannot trust myself, Elizabeth."
"You will be cold," she said.
"Actually, I am feeling rather warm at the moment," he answered, but he could tell she would not be easy, so he pulled the counterpane from the other side of the bed and covered himself with it.
She settled in beside him with her head on his chest. "I love listening to your heartbeat."
He reveled in all the sensations of holding her this way. Elizabeth's breathing became deeper, and he knew she had fallen asleep. "She loves me! Everything will be all right." Before long, listening to the even rhythms of her slumber lulled him to join her.
A few hours later, William awakened, and his first thought was, "Why is the bed shaking?" He took a deep breath and was filled with lavender scent and, at the same time, he felt a hand rake through his hair and an arm tighten around his shoulders. He whispered, "Elizabeth!" Lifting his head to look at her, he found Elizabeth crying.
"I did not mean to wake you."
"What is it, my love? Are you upset because I fell asleep? I did not mean to…"
"No!" she interrupted, "it was truly wonderful to wake with you…" She began to sob uncontrollably and could no longer speak.
He shifted and pulled her to him. She clung to him as if her life depended on never parting from him--and then he knew what this was about. It was almost morning, and he would have to leave her room very soon before the servants began their day… and then she would go home. He pulled her even closer, his eyes prickling with his own repressed tears. "It is not forever."
"What if they do not give consent in eight months?"
"If they go back on their word, I will take you to Scotland, Elizabeth, and I would feel no remorse about it."
"Do you promise, William?"
He lifted her chin so that she was looking directly into his eyes. "Elizabeth, I promise you that I will marry you in eight months as long as you still wish it. In my heart we are already betrothed, consent or not! We belong to each other. If for some reason you change your mind…" he swallowed hard to clear the tightness that had formed in his throat, "I will not stand in your way. But know this--my heart will always be yours, no matter what happens. I will always love you, Elizabeth."
"I will not change my mind! You must stop thinking that way." She propped herself on her elbow, her hand cupping his cheek. "I promise you that I will always love you, William. Do not ever doubt it!"
She could feel his jaw muscles working under her fingers as he was fighting back his tears. He almost sobbed, "I do not know how I will get through the next eight months without even a word from you."
Elizabeth blinked a few times before saying, "Georgiana made me promise to correspond with her while we were in the presence of both our fathers yesterday. Ask her to read you the letters. I will find a way to send you messages in what I say to her."
He nodded. "I will tell her to pass along my regards to you in every letter. Know that when I say those words, I am truly saying that I love you, and that I miss you. I miss you already, my love." His hand caressed the tears from her face, his thumb tracing her lips as she leaned over to kiss him. The clock on the mantle chimed the hour and brought them back to reality. He looked to the window and saw the first light of dawn breaking over the horizon. "I must go. If someone should see me leaving your room…"
They stared into each other's eyes for a few moments, and they knew their thoughts were the same. Yes, if he was caught in her room, they would have to marry! It was so tempting. He closed his eyes as she said, "We both know we should not begin our life together that way, William."
"We have done enough here tonight to be forced to marry, even if we have not… but you are correct. I would like to gain consent because your father approves of me, not because he is afraid of the consequences if we do not marry."
He pulled the covers off her, and she got out of bed. She giggled a little as he squirmed his way over to the edge and sat up. "It is not easy getting out of bed with only one arm," he said defensively but then chuckled. "I feel foolish even when I am alone; I can only imagine what I look like doing that!"
She stepped forward, and they were the same height for once. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him lightly. "I really should leave, Elizabeth," he said between kisses.
"I need more memories of your kisses to last the next few months, William," she said. He was only too happy to comply, pulling her onto his lap.
"I thought you said you had to leave, but are you not getting comfortable again?" She laughed as he tickled her neck with his kisses.
"I want to remember kissing you this way, my love. How I love your laugh! I love the thousand different lights in your eyes that reflect what you are thinking, but most of all, I love the way you look only at me." His eyes drank in the sight of her, memorizing every inch of her face, and then he nuzzled his face into her hair, "And your scent! I think I will have lavender in my room at all times from this moment on." The clock chimed the half hour, and he pulled her closer for a moment. Then he helped her to her feet.
She walked over to the dressing table, which had been mostly packed except for a few items. Opening a drawer she removed a handkerchief and took a vial out of the reticule she had planned to take with her in the coach. "I embroidered this handkerchief myself, here at Pemberley." She poured several drops of liquid from the vial onto the handkerchief and then handed it to him.
He held it to his face and inhaled, closing his eyes. "Not quite the same, but it will have to do. Thank you." He ran his thumb over the embroidery and smiled. "Your skills are improving."
"Georgiana is a good teacher. I truly love her as a sister, William."
"I think she feels the same toward you. I am glad."
He took her hand, and they walked toward the door. As they neared it, they stopped, facing each other.
"I do not want to go."
"I do not want you to go."
She kissed him once more and then opened the door, looking out to make certain the hall was clear. She turned back to him, and he whispered, "I love you," before walking, out into the hall.
She could not watch him walk away; she knew she would run after him, so she closed the door and leaned against it trying to hold back her tears.
Posted on: 2011-03-24
Mr. Bennet had arisen early, too restless to stay abed, and decided to go to the library before breaking his fast. As he opened his door, he stopped short upon seeing Elizabeth's door closing and William walking away from it. Mr. Bennet cleared his throat loudly.
William stopped, exhaled sharply, and closed his eyes in disbelief. "Good G-d! What do I do now?" He turned around slowly and faced a decidedly unhappy Mr. Bennet. "Good morning, Mr. Bennet."
"Perhaps it was for you, but I have other feelings on the matter." He motioned toward his open door and said, "You will join me in my chambers--now." William squared his shoulders and walked past him into the room. Mr. Bennet closed the door, then took a few steps into the room and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting.
"Sir, I know how it must seem to you, but that is not what happened."
"I should demand that you marry her immediately!" Mr. Bennet growled, and for some reason he was surprised when his harsh tone was met with a wide smile from William.
"Mr. Bennet, I would be a very happy man if you did. It is not my choice to wait, sir, nor is it Miss Elizabeth's. It is yours, only yours."
"You say you did not… then why were you in her bedchamber?"
"I went to explain your decision to Miss Elizabeth and to assure her that I will wait for her. I also wished to say goodbye until we meet again in May. If she were not leaving with you this very morning, I would have found some appropriate time during the day to speak privately with her, but that is not the case, sir."
"You did not trust that I would allow the two of you a few moments of privacy this morning?"
"Can you not see why I would doubt it, sir? You will not allow us to visit each other for eight months, and by not allowing us to become engaged, you are, in essence, forbidding us to even write to each other. The likelihood of your also forbidding us to speak to each other this morning was too great. I could not depend upon your explaining what was in my heart to the woman I love with every fiber of my being when you have said that you expect me to change my mind over the next few months. I have no reason to think that you even believe that I feel the way I do about Miss Elizabeth. I cannot bear to think about the years ahead without having her beside me, sir, and I simply could not risk having her leave Pemberley possibly thinking that I had reneged on my offer and abandoned her. I had to be certain that she understands exactly how I feel beyond any doubt and that the delay is not of my choosing."
"I have given him the impression that I do not approve of him! Perhaps I have not taken his feelings for Elizabeth seriously enough?" Mr. Bennet thought as he searched William's eyes. "Am I doing wrong by both of them by separating them now?"
Mr. Bennet nodded and said, "William, I have nothing against you as a match for my Lizzy. I do not wish to risk that she has been charmed into thinking that this is the perfect life. I am worried that she has been influenced by the grandeur of Pemberley and the reputation of the Darcy name. This has all happened very quickly; I cannot help but think that Lizzy has been swept off her feet by a handsome prince as if she were living in a fairy tale! Whether you are perfect for each other or not, life is not a fairy tale, as I have daily proof! I want to give her time to reflect upon her choice and, in the meantime, to meet other young men so that she can compare her feelings for you to her feelings for them in order that she can be certain that she knows what she wants before entering into an engagement." He hesitated for a few moments before continuing, "You may have ten minutes alone to say goodbye to Elizabeth before we leave this morning."
William smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Bennet."
"Will you assure me that there will be no… consequences of this assignation from which you have just come?"
"Sir, I give you my word. Even if I were the type of man to do such a thing, which I am not, I assure you, I love and respect Elizabeth too much to dishonor her in such a way," he said with conviction, and then thought, "I am very glad he did not ask just how long I was in her room and what exactly we did do!"
"No one else knows you were in her bedchamber?"
"No, sir."
"Very well, then. I will see you downstairs for breakfast," Mr. Bennet said.
"Thank you, sir." William bowed before leaving the room.
After seeing that the last of her things were being packed, Elizabeth made her way to the breakfast room. Upon entering the room, she noticed a decided tension between William and her father. The two gentlemen were sitting across from each other on either side of Mr. Darcy, who was at the head of the table. Georgiana was sitting next to William, and Elizabeth felt somewhat relieved that she did not need to choose a seat beside only one of the men she loved.
Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy assumed the disquiet they felt emanating from the two was a result of the refused consent of William's proposal. Elizabeth attempted to catch William's eye to provide some comfort and was a bit concerned when she could not.
In the meantime, William was concentrating on his own meal with such careful consideration that it seemed that he was attempting not to look directly at Elizabeth. In truth, he was avoiding her eyes, afraid that if he did look at her, he would make the remainder of the room aware that his feelings for Elizabeth had, in fact, become even stronger after the intimate time they had spent together during his protracted stay in her room.
Georgiana, knowing nothing at all of what had passed since dinner the previous night, seemed quite uncomfortable and directed confused looks at all of the other occupants of the room, watching them carefully for some clue as to what had occurred to put such a somber mood on their usually lively company. In the end, she decided the cause must be the anticipated gloom that would descend with the Bennets' imminent departure, and in an attempt to break the silence that accompanied their breaking of their fast, Georgiana again extracted a promise from Elizabeth that she would correspond with her. "I will write to you as soon as you leave and post it so that you will have a letter waiting for you when you arrive at Longbourn, Elizabeth!"
"That would be lovely, Georgiana. I will write the day we arrive at Longbourn so that you will know that we are safely at home. It should take no more than three days for the post between Pemberley and Longbourn, so we can each have a letter a week. You must tell me all about your studies in detail, and we can discuss whatever book you are currently reading. Do not be surprised if I write a letter or two in French, so you must be diligent at your French lessons with Mrs. Brooks! I am certain she would help you with any words you cannot translate or understand from their context. And please do not fail to give me news of your family." Elizabeth smiled brightly at Georgiana, hoping to hear much about her brother in her letters as well.
After her speech, William's eyes became caught by Elizabeth's gaze. They held so much affection that he could not look away until Mr. Bennet cleared his throat. Glancing at Mr. Bennet, William found himself on the receiving end of a stern look, and he reluctantly turned his attention to eating his meal in as dignified a way as one could when one had only one hand to accomplish this task.
After a few minutes and several attempts by Mr. Darcy and Georgiana to introduce topics of conversation, Mr. Bennet excused himself, stating that he must make certain his valet had finished packing his trunks. The eldest and youngest Darcys also excused themselves, making certain Elizabeth understood that she would see them outside when the coach was ready to depart.
"Miss Elizabeth, I have found the book we had discussed. If you would care to view it before you leave this morning, this is probably the best time. It is in the library," William said for the benefit of any servants who might be overhearing the conversation.
"Yes, I would like that very much; I thank you, sir." He helped her with her chair, and the two removed to the library.
Why William was so anxious, even he did not understand, but the fact of the matter was that he was more than a little timorous. That he must tell Elizabeth of his meeting with her father earlier caused a feeling of unease… but no, this intense feeling had begun the moment he had retrieved his mother's ring from its place in his father's vault--the ring that had symbolized the lasting bond of the betrothals of the past five generations of Darcys. His fear did not stem from the offering, for he had never felt more certain of anything in his life than that Elizabeth was the only woman who could ever become the next Mrs. Darcy. It was that she might not accept it that caused his nerves to come undone.
Though he had been fully truthful when he told his father and Mr. Bennet that he had absolute confidence that Elizabeth knew her own mind, that she loved him, and that the separation would not make a bit of difference in their feelings for each other, in actuality he wondered if she would accept the ring against her father's wishes?
Many promises had been made between them, and she had said that it would not make any difference to her whether the betrothal was publicly acknowledged or known only between themselves for now--but the acceptance of this ring made it all permanent in his mind--as permanent as if a formal contract had been signed. It was of vital importance to him that she accept the ring so that he could achieve some peace of mind over the next eight long months when they would be apart.
So, as he led Elizabeth into the library, William found himself in an extremely troubled state of mind. He followed her into the room, glancing around to ensure that they were alone and then took the precaution of locking the door behind him so they would not be disturbed.
Elizabeth rushed toward him and into his welcoming embrace. He pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair, taking a deep breath--her scent and the feel of her body pressing against his were a balm to his tortured soul.
"There is something of which I must make you aware, my love. Your father gave us permission to say goodbye this morning. I – I came upon him in the hall as I left your bedchamber."
She gasped and looked up into his eyes. "What happened? Did he know…?"
"Yes, he saw your door close. I think he believed me when I told him… that your virtue was not compromised. I do not think he would have allowed us this time alone if he had not. I explained to him why I was there, that since he did not approve of me, I could not trust that he would allow you to speak to me privately before you left…" he took a deep, trembling breath. "I know what you told me, Elizabeth, but after what he had said to me last night, I could not help but feel that he does not approve of me as a partner for someone as amazing as you are. Not that I disagree--I am not worthy of you, my love--but since I have gained your love, I will not cast it away.
"I love you so much, Elizabeth. I do not know what I would do without you. Which is why I wish to give you this." He took the ring from his pocket and continued, "This ring has been handed down through the Darcy line for many generations. It is the ring that is always used to seal the betrothal with the next mistress of Pemberley. My mother wore it every day of her betrothal and subsequent marriage to my father, and I would like you to wear it every day of ours. I must ask you again--properly this time…" He knelt before her taking her hand in his, so much emotion shining from his eyes that she felt as though she could not breathe. "Elizabeth Bennet, I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul. Will you agree to spend your life by my side as my friend, my partner, my lover--my wife?"
Her eyes were filled with tears as she said, "Fitzwilliam Darcy, I have always been and always will be your friend; I would be honored to be your partner in every way. You already are my only love, and I can think of nothing I wish for more in this life than to become your wife."
They both smiled brightly--William displaying the dimples she loved dearly, and the light of love he treasured shining from Elizabeth's eyes. William slipped the ring onto Elizabeth's finger. "Oh, it is beautiful, William! I thank you for this wonderful gift! I only wish I had a token to give to you."
"I would very much like to have a lock of your hair, my love. A part of you to keep close to me while we are apart would make me very happy."
"I would be very happy to part with a lock of my hair for this purpose, William. Do you have scissors at hand?"
"Yes, there are some in the drawer just here." He began to walk in that direction, but then turned back to her and said, "Elizabeth, I know you cannot wear the ring, but may I ask… will you keep it on your person at all times? It would mean a great deal to me if you did."
"I already have a plan in mind to do just that. Do you see this chain I wear in addition to the one with my cross on it? The chain was inherited from my Grandmother Bennet. It is a very long chain, and for some reason the longer portion always ends up inside my gown no matter what I have tried to keep it on the outside." His look showed that he had definitely noticed the chain disappearing under the neckline of her gown, always pulling his eyes downward and setting his imagination afire. She blushed at the intensity of his expression, smiled, and continued, "I can place the ring on Grandmother Bennet's chain. When I remove the necklace at night, I will wear the ring on my finger. Nobody will notice the addition--only we two will know that I am wearing your ring always next to my heart. The only exception is that Mama will not allow me to wear the chain for formal events for she says it is not fine enough. But I will find a way to continue to wear it near my heart, William… until the day I can wear it openly on my hand."
His eyes shone a little too much to hide the fact that they had filled with tears, and his smile told her that he was very pleased with her plan. He turned back to the drawer and removed the scissors, returning quickly to her side.
"Will you help me take this ribbon from my hair? Poor Hanna worked so hard putting it in, but I think you will need something to tie the lock of hair so that it does not scatter."
"Yes, and since I am such a sentimental fool, a ribbon from your hair would be cherished by me as well." She got up on her toes and brushed her lips against his, then turned, reaching for the ribbon. As he helped her remove the ribbon, William examined each long curl of her hair thoroughly before declaring, "I think I will take this mischievous and most fortunate curl here, which I have spent much time observing and admiring. It is very much like you in some ways: it is beautiful, as are all your locks; it is 'stubbornly independent,' as you are so fond of describing yourself as being, always wishing to escape the pins and go its own way even when it is most carefully arranged; it does not wish to conform to what the others are convinced should be the correct thing to do; and it is constantly tempting my hand to reach out and touch it every time I see it. This curl is also the most fortunate of all because, when it does escape, its placement allows it to caress your soft skin, and sometimes the way it bounces makes it seem as if it is kissing the curve of your neck--making me quite jealous for the liberties it takes. Yes, I would wish to have this curl… with your permission, of course, madam?"
Elizabeth was nearly giggling when she agreed, and with her help, William carefully snipped the lock off. She tied it and then folded it into his handkerchief. He put it away in the pocket over his heart and pulled her into his embrace again. First tenderly caressing the spot on her neck where the curl had been, he leaned down to kiss it, tasting the sweet, delicate skin in the place where he had seen the curl doing the same on countless occasions. Finally, he laid his cheek against it while taking a long breath, inhaling her scent deeply, and then moved to whisper her name in her ear.
She turned to kiss his lips softly, and they deepened the kiss slowly until he needed to end it, pulling away to trail more tender kisses across her cheeks and neck, returning to her ear again.
He was surprised when she turned her face toward him and did the same to him, trailing her silky lips across his jaw line and cheeks. He gasped when she whispered his name.
William could not trust himself after such a physical declaration of her love, and told her, his voice full of regret, "Ohhhh, Elizabeth! We must stop now, my love. The gentleman in me must protect you from the man."
There was no doubt in William's mind that Elizabeth had recovered from her shyness of the night before as he pulled back and looked into her eyes--the look there was so different than was the one when he had stopped them the last time. Now there was a mixture of love, longing, mischievousness, and pleasure… but suddenly these were joined by sadness, and she rested her head on his chest, listening to his heart beating, every beat echoing his love for her.
"I love you, my William, so very much. I do not wish to leave you."
"I do not want you to go, and if you must go, I wish it were on different terms. I also do hope your father will approve of me eventually. I do not know how he can learn to like me if I never have a chance to see him. Elizabeth, I will not renege on my promise, but I also do not want to go against his wishes. I would rather not be forced to keep my promise of taking you to Scotland if he does not approve of me once you are seventeen."
"William, he has always been very impressed by you and thought very highly, even fondly, of you."
"That was before his beloved daughter fell in love with me, my heart. The world is a very different place to me now that you love me, and I cannot imagine that it would be the same to him, either. You are his most precious child and have been his companion for many years. I am the man who will take you away from him forever! I cannot believe he would view me as anything but a threat to his happiness, and I am afraid that over time, he will come to dislike me even more than he does now, perhaps even to despise me. It truly frightens me because I have grown to highly regard him."
"I respect your fears, William, and I am not offering empty comfort to you when I say that I do not believe it will happen in that way. I think he is only being cautious for my sake. He wants to be certain that I will live a happy life. That is all. But I can see there is no sense in discussing this any further. If we had hours to do so, maybe I could convince you, but we do not and I, for one, do not wish to spend the short time we have remaining speaking of this. You shall see in eight months that I was correct!" Elizabeth said with the brilliant smile that always made his heart skip a beat. "Now, will you give me a suggestion for a book that perhaps I have not yet read but that you think I would enjoy to occupy my thoughts on my journey to Longbourn?"
"Any preferences as to which subject, or even which language you would like to read in? That might help me to narrow the list of choices a little."
"I do not care, as long as it is something new to me that will absorb my interest and make the time pass more quickly, and, I hope, distract me from the thought that with each passing moment, I am travelling further away from you. The subject, I will leave up to you, even if it is farming or animal husbandry, as long as it is something you enjoyed reading. As for languages, it must be written in English, French, Italian, Latin, Greek, or German… unless, of course, it is a book that will teach me a new language! I have often thought of learning Spanish." They both laughed.
William mentioned the titles of quite a few books, with Elizabeth dismissing them all as "already up here" pointing to her head, until finally his face brightened and he said, "I think I have just the book we are looking for." He searched a few bookcases down from the place where they had been standing. "Have you ever read this?" he asked, handing her a thick volume.
Her smile told him all he needed to know, but she answered anyway, "No, I have not. And you have read this particular book?"
"Yes, I have. Look inside the cover."
Elizabeth did and found the bookplate carried his own name, not one of his ancestors as many of the others did. "Then this is perfect, my love! I wanted to hold a book that you have held, and read it knowing that your eyes have absorbed the same words that mine will, but having your name on the bookplate and knowing that you selected this volume to add to the collection here at Pemberley is even better!"
Elizabeth asked if he would accompany her on a short walk in the formal garden close to the house. She absolutely despised long carriage rides and needed to walk before leaving. William was only too happy to comply. He knew of at least two places in the garden in which they could steal a few moments of privacy again before she left Pemberley.
Mr. Darcy, having made the excursion to London often and knowing the value of a good book to pass the time, had suggested that both Bennets select a book from the Pemberley library to read on their journey home. Mr. Bennet promised they would return the books by post later, but Mr. Darcy insisted they hold onto them until they saw each other again. And so, that was the reason Mr. Bennet had been in the library behind a tall bookcase far away from the door, searching the stacks when William brought Elizabeth in to say their goodbyes.
At first, Mr. Bennet did not notice they were in the room with him, and when voices began to echo through the vast room, he honestly did not pay them any mind. Absorbed in making his choice, the thought crossed his mind that Lizzy had been on the same errand as himself. During the times of quiet, he assumed she was reading some of her selection to see if it was something she would like to bring along, just as he had been doing.
But when he moved down the stack to search for a tome in a different location, he soon found that, because of the acoustics of the room, he was able to understand their murmurings when standing there. His eyes widened in alarm when he heard William moan and say breathlessly, "Elizabeth! We must stop now, my love. The gentleman in me must protect you from the man." He was about to rush out to stop whatever had been occurring while he had been unaware, but then he heard them begin a conversation.
Knowing they would not be engaged in improper activities now, and that all he could do at this point was insist they marry--which, he was sure, would only end in a repetition of the conversation he had had earlier in the day with William--Mr. Bennet decided that since he had little chance to observe the two of them together over the past weeks, he should take advantage of the opportunity to eavesdrop once again. The fact that he absolutely loathed this particular behavior pulled at his conscience. "But the last time, I gleaned good information which put my mind at ease," he thought. "It is being done in the name of protecting my daughter, and so it is for the best! I will soon make my presence known."
After a little while, Mr. Bennet was mortified at witnessing such a tender scene, and now he did not wish to come out. He did not want to embarrass either of them, especially after overhearing William's concerns about his own approval of him, not to mention his discomfort at the thought of exposing himself to the censure of engaging in this disgusting behavior of eavesdropping in the first place.
Mr. Bennet moved further down the stack back so that he could not make out what they were saying, swearing to himself that he would never eavesdrop again even if it were for a good cause! He was not certain if he would be able to look at his daughter again without blushing.
The positive side was that Mr. Bennet came away from the experience with the absolute knowledge that the two were deeply in love, and that William was as good a man as his father ever was. William could have easily overpowered Lizzy and forced himself upon her, as she stood about foot shorter than did he, but from what he had heard, William had stopped events from progressing too far, and he was honest about it without frightening Lizzy.
While he was trapped in the alcove waiting for the lovers to depart, Mr. Bennet had had time to think. The journey home would probably be the last opportunity of spending any length of time alone with Lizzy for a long while, and he planned on taking full advantage of the trip. "I will have to speak to Lizzy… mayhap I will allow a visit in a few weeks. But to take William away from Pemberley again when he still has so much to learn? I will write to Darcy about it and ask for his opinion before making my own known to Lizzy or William."
Upon exiting the library, Mr. Bennet asked a footman for the whereabouts of his daughter. He was told that she had expressed a wish to take a short walk in the garden before leaving this morning.
Mr. Darcy allowed William to go off on his own for a while after the Bennet's departed, knowing that he would need a few moments alone, but after an hour, he had William summoned to the study.
"William, there is no time like the present to begin to learn what is involved with the running of Pemberley. Up until now, you have seen only some of the outdoor work, but much of the work is on paper and done here in my study. I would like for us, at the very least, to discuss the work I do today as I go along. When you are fully recovered, you will sit behind the desk, and I will answer your questions."
"Yes, sir," William replied.
Mr. Darcy could tell his attention kept wandering. "William, are you as yet feeling ill?"
"I am sorry, Father. I cannot seem to stop thinking about Elizabeth. I do not know how I will get through the next eight months without her. I feel … lost."
"It is for the best, William. I need you to concentrate on spending as much time as possible training to take over Pemberley and all the other family holdings, son, especially since this injury will keep you from riding for such a long time! Every minute is critical now. The last thing we need is for you to be distracted by a betrothal or, worse yet, by a new wife. Though you will have help, you must be prepared for the inevitable!"
"You are holding something back, Father, I can tell. You have always put off teaching me the details… you have always said that we would have plenty of time for particulars after I graduated and took my tour. Why do you seem anxious to start today? What is critical about now, sir?"
Closing his eyes, Mr. Darcy took a deep breath and studied his son before saying, "I have a… condition. It will be a while yet, but there is no doubt… I am dying, William." He let the words sink in for a few moments before continuing, "I have seen all the best doctors, and they are unanimous in their opinions--there is nothing to be done. I have some time, but eventually I will become too ill to be of use to you.
"I cannot put this request in my will, but it is my wish that if anything happens to me before you are completely prepared for your responsibilities, that you turn to Mr. Bennet and Mr. Wickham for assistance. Mr. Wickham has been my steward here for years and knows much of what occurs on a daily basis, and I trust him to do well by you. While Longbourn is smaller in size, I trust Mr. Bennet's sense and experience much more than that of others. It was the reason he came to Pemberley; as a favor to me, he has been riding with me these past weeks and sitting with me while I do business so that he can help you if need be.
"Your Aunt Catherine and Uncle Robert will do everything in their power in an attempt to influence you so that they can have some level of control over the Darcy legacy, but you know that I have never agreed with them on… well, on anything. Even your mother did not wish them to be a major influence upon your life nor Georgiana's. Their opinions and morals were not hers, and they are not mine, and we would not wish either of you to follow their example.
"We will discuss this in further detail soon, but you must know that time is of the essence. I do not wish to leave you unprepared, my son--too many lives depend upon the decisions made by the Master of Pemberley."
My dearest Elizabeth,I know that I can never send this letter to you, but I have a desperate wish to tell you everything that happens in my life while we are apart, to speak to you as I would if you were here. Since I will not be able to do so for many months, I will write to you here, in this book, as if you would read my letter within a few days.
It is strange what one thinks about when one is very ill. When my fever was high and you were bathing my face, it occurred to me that I must begin a new journal as soon as I was able. I had thought back to the last time I had written in my journal and realized that I was a completely different man from what I had been when I made that last entry. In truth, the change did not take place over days or hours or even minutes. Within moments after I saw your lovely face once again, my thoughts and plans for the future were so vastly different from the ones I had envisioned even while riding on the grounds of Pemberley. The differences astound me!
And so, today I begin this new journal in the form of letters from my heart, addressed to the owner of the same--my beautiful Elizabeth Bennet, who has promised to become my bride. That day cannot come soon enough, my love.
You left Pemberley only a few minutes ago, yet I feel as if my very heart has gone with you. I took out your handkerchief to feel closer to you, but I think I had mentioned that the scent is not quite right… there is an essence that is distinctly your own that is added to the scent you wear but not present on your freshly laundered cloth. I am not embarrassed to tell you that I have just returned from the rooms that you had occupied. I took the pillowcase you laid your head upon last night. If I had been able to have used two hands to remove it from the pillow I would not have been caught, but Hanna, the maid who was assigned to you during your stay, came in just then to remove the sheets to be laundered! I can hear your laughter as I write; I do not think I have ever blushed as deeply as I did at that moment--but being caught did not dissuade me from my purpose. I will cherish your scent for as long as it lasts, and I hope it does not fade too quickly.
My father summons me to his study, and so I must continue this at a later time.
You departed from Pemberley barely two hours ago, but it seems as though a lifetime has passed since you were here. I know of no easy way to say this, and your speeches about honesty came to mind when I tried to think of a more agreeable way of wording it, so I will get right to it. My father has told me that he is dying.
It seems that this is the reason he agreed so readily with your father's idea of putting off the engagement until your birthday. He regrets that, though I had ridden the grounds with him many times and as we came across problems we would discuss them, never in the past had we gone over the detailed workings of Pemberley and the other Darcy holdings. Instead, we spent the time while I was home from school in more enjoyable ways. I never have seen this emotion from him before, but if I had to put a name to it, I would say that he seems panicked because I will need to learn everything very quickly instead of over the course of time I would have had if events had occurred as we had thought they would. It seems that his condition will slowly rob him of his abilities over time. He spoke of looking forward to attending our wedding, so I believe he expects to live at least that long, but there is no way of knowing for certain.
He has planned for the possibility that I will not have learned all I need to know before he dies. This is why you and your father were invited for your visit, and why Mr. Bennet was shadowing Father. We had so little time alone together, and I had wished to ask you if you had noticed this and what your opinion of it was, but I never did. Now I have the answer. Your father has agreed to return to Pemberley upon the notification of Father's death. Longbourn may be smaller, but your father has a much more extensive knowledge of estate management than I do at present, and even more importantly, my father trusts him. Father feels that between Mr. Bennet and Mr. Wickham's assistance, I will learn all I need to know that I do not already know by that time. I only hope that my father will live longer than he expects at present.
After our talk, my father and Mr. Wickham departed for a neighboring estate to speak to the owner as to some confusion over our shared border. It seems they had a new survey done, and it shows that the Pemberley border should be in a different place than in the location that our maps display, in the neighbor's favor of course. I felt a great need to attend the meeting, but Mr. Smythe still feels that traveling by coach or horseback would set back the healing of my shoulder. My father assures me that we will work on going over his papers and accounts while my shoulder heals, and then he will begin to take me out to meetings of this nature.
Elizabeth! It has been more than a full day since writing the above… something has happened of a most serious nature. Oh Elizabeth, I need you here with me, and Georgiana needs you as well. I try to comfort her, but I, myself, am so grieved I do not know how well I do. She has just stopped crying for the first time since the tragedy we have suffered as she fell asleep with the help of laudanum from Mr. Smythe. I can only hope your father will bring you with him when he returns as I have requested--no, begged him to do--in the letter I have sent! Father had me send it regular post as he did not wish to upset your mother if she read it before your father arrived home. Your father had told him she reads his letters while he is away to see if there is anything that should be forwarded to her husband.
The heavy rains had damaged a bridge leading to the neighbor's estate that I told you about in the above paragraph. Your friend James, the footman, had gone with them, and he has since explained that the bridge looked perfectly sound before they attempted to cross it. They assumed it had been inspected, but obviously, Mr. Walsh is not as attentive to these duties as my father is… or was. The bridge collapsed with the coach atop it, and the stones from the bridge crumbled onto the broken coach. Mr. Wickham and the driver were killed instantly. James leapt from the coach onto the shore as the collapse took place. He, with the help of the driver of the farm cart that was travelling behind them, were able to move some of the stones and broken coach and to pull my father from the rising waters… but his injuries were extensive.
Father survived about half a day after being brought to Pemberley by the farm cart. Georgiana and I were able to speak to him before he passed on. He acted as a man who was driven, Elizabeth, hastening to tell us so many things in such a short time… especially to me. He spoke constantly until his last breath--his voice was but a hoarse whisper the last few hours, attempting to crowd a lifetime of knowledge and experience and to convey his love for us into the few hours he had left.
Father had repeatedly asked me to tell you that he loves you as if you were his own daughter, and he has every confidence that you will be a wonderful wife, mother and mistress of Pemberley. He thanked G-d that you and your father would be here for Georgiana and me. He asked me to send his thanks to your father as well, for all he had done for him in the past and for all he is about to do in his memory.
I asked Mr. Smythe if Father's illness had influenced the outcome of the accident, weakening him enough so that he was not able to survive his injuries. He did not believe so, but he also said this accident was a much less painful way for him to die than had he lived through the usual course of his illness.
I have sent letters by express to my mother's siblings. I know that they will arrive before you and your father do, and I do dread their being here at all now that Father has told me what he has about them; but out of respect, I did not have much of a choice. My father has warned me that they have always attempted to influence his way of handling Pemberley, and he was afraid they would try to influence me. He was quite adamant to wait for your father's assistance and not take my uncle's advice. He explained his opinion of my mother's family, and though I have fought with my own feelings on the matter for years, afraid that even to think such things was an act of disrespect, I was surprised that his opinions of their characters and actions coincided with my own. I was even more shocked that he said my mother had agreed with him fully, and that neither of them had wished for my Uncle Robert or Aunt Catherine to have any influence in our upbringing.
Father also told me that Mr. Bennet knows of all these things and more, and will help to keep them from overwhelming me with demands while I try to make my way. I do not expect that Mr. Bennet will be able to return for at least a week, perhaps longer if there is urgent business to attend to after such a long absence from Longbourn, but I cannot tell you how I have been praying that it will be sooner. I have asked your father to send an express stating when we can expect you both.
The last time Father spoke, he told both Georgiana and me once again that he loved us, and then he told me, "You are now Master of Pemberley, William,"… handing over the reins officially--as he slipped away. It seemed as if he had but fallen asleep, but we knew he had not. He was gone.
As I sat next to his bed, I felt as if I was not a man, but the frightened young boy I was while I was waiting for my mother to die. All I wanted to do was to cry, but as I looked down at my sister as she clung to me, at Mrs. Reynolds across the room weeping into her husband's shoulder, at the maid sitting in the corner crying, at my father's valet, at the doctor wiping the tears from their eyes, and at the minister praying as his tears flowed down his cheeks, I knew… when my father had left us in the morning, I was but the son; now I am the Master. I have to remain strong for them… for all of those who depend on me… for Pemberley.
Though I had already felt the burden before, the weight of his statement was staggering. It always had been an event that was far in the future, but now it is reality. How many families, how many individuals now depend solely upon my making the correct decisions and taking the correct actions? How can I possibly accomplish the monumental tasks laid before me with no knowledge of what awaits me?
I am not prepared for this, Elizabeth.
I have not slept a night through since doing so in your arms, and that is where I wish to be now. Will it shock you when I say that the one thing I have longed for so urgently these past hours is to rest my head upon your breast and listen to your heart beat?
I need you, my heart. I am desperate to take you in my arms, bury my face in your hair and weep for the loss of my father – it is the only place I will ever allow myself to show this weakness. You would not judge me; you would not think me less of a man if I did so.
I have promised Mr. Smythe to make an attempt to sleep now to prevent my illness from recurring. Exhausted, I had tried earlier, but I could not even close my eyes before sharing with you all that has occurred and all that is in my heart.
Elizabeth, I need you. I am lost. Please come home to me soon.
With all my love,
William
Considering the condition of the roads after the rains, and the many detours they had encountered, the Bennets had made good time on their way home from Pemberley. They had had a long talk about Elizabeth's feelings for William, and Mr. Bennet was convinced that he would, at the very least, agree to a long engagement, though he did not tell her of his decision since he first wished to hear Mr. Darcy's opinion.
There was a letter from Georgiana waiting for her when she arrived at Longbourn, and Elizabeth wrote to Georgiana after spending some time with her sisters and mother, giving them the gifts that she and Georgiana had chosen for them in Lambton before she had been injured. Her father wrote a letter to Mr. Darcy as well, telling his friend of his decision to consent to their children's engagement. First thing the following morning, Elizabeth and Jane walked to Meryton as Elizabeth wished to post the letters herself at the local post office.
Mr. Jaresberry had been the Postmaster at ----- Sorting Station, located several miles away from Meryton, for forty years. After so many years of sorting, he had come to know the handwritings of the postal patrons he served most frequently. Miss Elizabeth Bennet's script was among the ones he had come to recognize, and it never failed to make him smile.
Mr. Jaresberry had enjoyed the great pleasure of meeting Miss Bennet on several occasions. A bright and curious girl, she had begged of her father years ago to learn how the post worked. Mr. Bennet had petitioned Mr. Jaresberry for a visit to the sorting station, and a friendship had begun. It always made him smile when he saw Miss Bennet's writings, because she had told him about her plan to put a mark in the corner of every envelope she sent through the post as a secret "hello" to him. Mr. Jaresberry ran his finger over the mark on the envelope before him--it warmed his heart to know that through the years she had never forgotten him! He had always made certain the Bennets' letters were handled with great care.
Unfortunately for all concerned, especially poor Mr. Jaresberry, the gentleman's time remaining on this earth had been extremely limited. Upon the expiration of Mr. Jaresberry's life, an oil lamp was overturned directly onto the letters posted from the Bennets to the Darcys informing them of their safe return home, as well as those being sent through the station from the Darcys to the Bennets containing the news of Mr. George Darcy's passing. They were all completely destroyed in the resulting fire.
This was the first in a chain of events that would change the course of several lives--especially those of our dear couple.
16 October 1807
As early as the day after his father died, the staff began to treat William differently, and as time continued to pass, the difference became more apparent. It was three days after his father's death when he was sitting at his father's desk with piles of papers strewn across it that Mrs. Reynolds came in and called him "Mr. Darcy" instead of "Master William" for the first time. He had stared into her eyes for some minutes before nodding. Her message was clear… you are the master now, and you must accept that fact.
Now, a full two weeks after his father's death, William was a little more accustomed to the staff's change in attitude. He waved his open hand over the desk and said in mounting exasperation, "Mrs. Reynolds… I do not know what to do with all this. Mr. Bennet and Mr. Wickham were supposed to be here to help me make sense of all this, but now I find myself completely alone."
"Your uncle would be happy to help you, Mr. Darcy."
"NO! Father was most adamant--he did not wish my mother's sister or brother to have any hand in managing the Darcy assets." He looked past her, seeing nothing. "I must find another steward, and I must learn how to do all this. I am depending on Mr. Moore, Father's--my solicitor, for his assistance in the search for a trustworthy steward. I know Father would not have wished Uncle Robert to recommend someone, thinking the earl would then have access to information about Darcy holdings." He sighed and passed his hand over his brow. "Why do my Uncle Robert and Aunt Catherine not just leave us alone instead of making things more difficult?" Sighing again, he continued, "Father told me that there are many who depend upon the Master of Pemberley, and now whether I am ready for it or not, I am he. I hope I do not make too many mistakes, Mrs. Reynolds. I will depend upon you and Mr. Reynolds to be honest with me; no matter how harsh it might seem, if you see I am doing wrong, please let me know discreetly. I will have to leave the day-to-day running of the household to you for now, as you have been doing these two weeks past. I cannot take that on as well--not now--not even a menu; I trust you to manage without me.
"I am thankful that Richard is to be co-guardian for Georgiana so that I can share those decisions at least, but again, if you think that there is anything concerning her that two young men would not understand, please tell me." Shaking his head, he thought of how his aunt had continued to harp on about her intentions to remove Georgiana to Rosings to rear her there and his ensuing discussion last night with a panicked Georgiana in which she begged him not to allow Aunt Catherine to take her away from him.
"Mr. Darcy, I have faith in you. You will be just like your father--the best master and the best landlord. Your sister will already attest to your being the best brother, and your father had often said you were the best of sons. Trust yourself, sir; the entire staff already has faith in you."
"Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds. Please summon Mr. Moore to the study; I must speak to him about his progress in the search for a new steward." He took her hand and squeezed it gently before turning back to his work at hand.
While he waited for Mr. Moore, William did try to concentrate on his work, but his mind kept turning back to thoughts of Elizabeth and how desperately he needed her calming presence. He knew he would have been able to speak to her of his sorrow at his father's passing and his fears of failure, and he knew she would have been able to support him as no one else could.
It had been more than two weeks since she had left Pemberley. Two weeks! He had sent two letters and Georgiana had sent three to Longbourn--why had they heard nothing from either Mr. Bennet or Elizabeth? Why were they not already at Pemberley if all was well? If they could not come, why had William not received an express from Mr. Bennet?
After what had already occurred as a result of the heavy rains the day before they had journeyed home--namely the accident which caused his father's death--both he and Georgiana were understandably concerned. William had tried to belay Georgiana's worries, but even as the words were uttered, he found the reassurances truly difficult to believe. Every day of silence from Longbourn added to the level of anxiety he felt over their safety.
He tried to convince himself that perhaps Mr. Bennet had become angry with him for going to Elizabeth's room after all and could not forgive William at present. Ignoring the letters for now would be his punishment. After recalling stories from his father about Mr. Bennet's habit of being a poor correspondent, William thought that perhaps he had not even read the letters as of yet.
As for Elizabeth, though… what of Georgiana's letters to Elizabeth? Mayhap Mr. Bennet had kept them from her? Surely he would not continue in this way for long. Mr. Bennet would not ignore the friendship he had with his father, and the promises that had been made.
William decided that Mr. Bennet was just trying to teach him a lesson by delaying, and that was all. He had to believe Elizabeth was safe--and that she would come to him soon.
Mr. Moore, who had arrived earlier in the day for the purpose of the reading of Mr. Darcy's will, met with William in the study as requested. They spoke of the letter that William had sent to his London office requesting his assistance in finding a suitable steward, and Mr. Moore had a list of the men whom either he had already interviewed, or he would interview upon his return to London. After they were finished with that business, and William had chosen two men from the list to have investigated further, he had another request of the solicitor.
"Mr. Moore, do you know whether my father had an investigator for private matters?"
"Yes, he employed someone that I had recommended who did work for him when needed." Mr. Moore told William the man's qualifications, and William was satisfied.
"I cannot go to London myself at the moment for obvious reasons, so I would like you to pass on the specifications of the investigation to him. Of course, as is all my business with you, this matter is strictly confidential." William passed along the particulars of the investigation he wished to be carried out.
"This is not complicated at all, Mr. Darcy; it should be no trouble. I would think you will have a report within a few days of my return to London."
"It may not be complicated, but it is quite important to me personally, Mr. Moore, and urgent. I want him to be very discreet--there should be no association known between him and myself, nor should he allow it to be known that he is an investigator."
"I understand, sir. Mr. Robinson is an expert in his field."
"Thank you, Mr. Moore." William's expression changed to a more solemn one. "Tomorrow after breakfast would be the best time to schedule the reading of the will, if the time is agreeable to you."
The gentlemen shook hands, and Mr. Moore left William to himself.
Mr. Wickham's son, George, had been Mr. Darcy's godson. As a gift to his steward who had worked diligently and treated Pemberley as if it were his own, Mr. Darcy had sent George through school with William, with the hopes that someday George would take over his father's position as steward of Pemberley. William had not wanted to tell his father that George had been one of the worst behaved young men at school. Any debts George ran up, William paid so that his father would not be ashamed of his godson. Though it never took place in William's presence, there was much talk at school naming George Wickham as Mr. Darcy's illegitimate son, which, to the gossip lovers of the ton, explained why George was treated in such a favorable way. Any other difficulties that George's wild behavior created were smoothed over by this assumed association with Mr. Darcy, which misconception George did not correct.
While the two had been friends as young boys, the growing differences between William and George had prevented a continuation of that friendship into adulthood with William taking the good and honorable path and George taking the path pitted with vices and debaucheries. By the time they had left Cambridge, George Wickham was one of the last men on earth with whom William would ever wish to be associated.
When the reading of Mr. Darcy's will was completed, George Wickham was quite dissatisfied. Since Mr. Wickham was also deceased, the money that had been left to the steward went to his wife as specified in Mr. Darcy's will. Mrs. Wickham was George's step-mother, and, knowing of her late husband's son's disreputable ways, wanted nothing more to do with her step-son. George himself was left one thousand pounds in Mr. Darcy's will, and if he decided to take orders, Mr. Darcy promised that William would give him a valuable living. William was quite taken aback since he knew very well that the last thing George Wickham should ever become was a clergyman. He was therefore, relieved when George asked for a cash sum instead of the living, stating a preference for the law over the clergy. William called in Mr. Moore, who quickly wrote out a bank note for a total of four thousand pounds and drafted an agreement stating in short that Mr. Darcy's will had been fully discharged with respect to George Wickham. The two young men signed three copies of the agreement, and George left Pemberley. William hoped that he would never see the man's despicable face again.
28 October 1807
Ten days after Mr. Moore's return to London, William received a simple report from Mr. Robinson, the investigator, which read as follows:
It was a relief that Elizabeth was safe, and at least he could reassure Georgiana of it with complete conviction. But the report also left many questions unanswered, all beginning with "Why?"
Jane Bennet looked out the window to see her sister Elizabeth pacing the garden, anticipating the arrival of the post again--a recurring activity since she had returned home from Pemberley. Jane put down her sewing, collected her spencer and bonnet, and joined her sister outside.
"Lizzy, this behavior is worrying me. I am beginning to think that you have acquired mama's affliction of severe nerves!" Jane's attempt to tease Lizzy into a better mood did nothing toward achieving that goal.
Elizabeth sighed, "Oh Jane, I do not understand what has happened! Since my return to Longbourn, the only letter I have received from Georgiana is the one that had arrived before I had returned home. I wrote that same day and delivered the letter to the post the next morning, along with Papa's letter to Mr. Darcy. You accompanied me into Meryton that day, do you not remember?" Jane seemed confused and Elizabeth continued, "It was the day you were so unsettled by the disagreement I had with Mr. Wells. He refused to begin Papa's newspaper delivery again once Papa was home, requesting a note from Papa instead of taking my word. Papa was upset for he had already missed four days of news while we travelled."
Jane nodded. "Yes, yes, I remember now."
"It should take three days for the letters to travel that distance, but that would account for only six days. Today it will be three weeks, and I have heard not a word in response! Why would Georgiana not have replied to any of my letters? Why has Mr. Darcy not responded to Papa's? We both know that Papa might not always answer his letters in the timeliest manner, but Mr. Darcy has always been the best of correspondents."
"Have you asked Papa?"
"Yes, I have. He says he does not understand the silence either… but there is something in his expression that makes me wonder if there is something he is not telling me."
"What do you think it could be?"
"I am concerned that Papa had mentioned something in his letter that caused Mr. Darcy to become angry, no longer allowing Georgiana to correspond with me."
Jane said, "There must be some sort of misunderstanding, Lizzy. I am certain that Mr. Darcy would not forbid his daughter from writing to you even if he were angry with Papa."
Elizabeth blushed knowing full well that it was she who Mr. Darcy was likely angry with and refrained from meeting Jane's eye, exclaiming, "Oh, Jane! I do not know what I will do without hearing any word from them at all!"
"Lizzy, I think there is something you are not telling me. Is this only about Miss Darcy, or is it something more?"
Elizabeth thought about it for a few moments. She had been tempted many times since her return to confide in Jane--she knew she could trust Jane but she did not wish to burden her with her secret. Now it was obvious that Jane had guessed there was something, so she said, "Mr. Darcy has proposed, Jane, and I have accepted!"
Jane looked horrified. "But Lizzy! Mr. Darcy is the same age as Papa!"
"No, Jane, no!" Elizabeth laughed for several minutes before she could speak again, "Not that Mr. Darcy--his son, William. I think we should refer to him as 'William' from now on so that we do not become confused again! Do you not remember him from a few years ago when their coach wheel broke, and they stayed with us at Longbourn? William is fewer than five years older than I." Her eyes were sparkling with her love for William as she spoke of him.
"Why has not Papa announced your engagement?"
"Well, therein lies the problem. Papa has forbidden us to become engaged just yet. He wishes me to have a season 'out' first, and then we can meet again on my seventeenth birthday. Papa says if our attachment persists, he will give his consent. But Jane, this you must not tell anyone…" she waited for Jane to nod and then continued, "William has given me this." She pulled a long chain out from the bodice of her gown and showed her the ring. "This was his mother's engagement ring. He wanted me to have it as a symbol of his promise to me."
"OH! Lizzy, it is so beautiful!" The two girls smiled at Elizabeth's obvious happiness and then Jane said, "Papa does not know that William has given you the ring?"
"No! Perhaps it is wrong, but I did not want to risk his taking it from me, Jane. Papa will not allow me to see William or exchange letters until my birthday, so I did not think he would allow me to keep this. Oh, Jane, I love William so much--I am so glad to have something of his to hold until I can see him again."
Her expression turned to one of worry as she continued, "But, I am concerned that Georgiana and William's father have not written. Georgiana is a sweet girl, and I truly love her as if she were another sister, and I am very fond of Mr. Darcy as well. William would not allow her to forget to write to me. I am afraid something went wrong…"
"Lizzy, what could have gone wrong?"
"Well… Jane what will you think of me if I tell you?" Elizabeth placed her hand on her sister's. "Oh, I have gone too far for concealment, I must tell you all. William came to my chamber the night before we left Pemberley."
Jane's eyes opened wide in shock.
"Jane, it was not like that! I had only just accepted William's proposal that day, and there was no time to ask Papa for consent until after I retired. Since we were leaving early the next morning, William came to tell me of Papa's decision to have us wait and to reassure me that he loved me, and it was not his choice to put off the engagement. He did not understand Papa's reasons, and I tried to explain that he did not want a repetition of his own marriage for his daughters."
Jane blushed but nodded. "I understand what you mean, Lizzy."
"William is a gentleman, Jane, and he loves me. He did not… we did not…" Elizabeth could not finish the sentence, but Jane understood. Elizabeth did not wish to tell Jane what they did do… that was only for her and William to know. Jane took Elizabeth's hand and gave it a squeeze.
"Papa saw William leaving my room."
Jane's eyes widened again and she gasped. "And now you believe that Papa might have written to Mr. Darcy about it? That Mr. Darcy would no longer approve the match? That he will not allow Georgiana to write to you?"
"I do not know!" Elizabeth cried in exasperation. "Papa seemed to believe the truth after speaking to William--he even told me he believed it! He allowed William and me to have a few minutes alone to say goodbye before we left that morning, and I do not think he would have allowed it had he believed the worst. But why else would Georgiana and Mr. Darcy not have written by now, Jane?"
Elizabeth closed her eyes and shuddered. "Though I already miss Georgiana, it is not the same as the way I miss William. I feel empty inside without him, Jane. I just cannot imagine not hearing word of William for an entire eight months. You see how I am now, after only three weeks! But I do not know what else I can do except to wait."
"So you think that William will marry you even if Mr. Darcy disapproves?"
"He promised me that even if Mr. Darcy and Papa did not give consent after my birthday that we shall still marry. If we must, we will run away to Scotland!" she smiled slyly and said, "To be honest, Jane, I would have left with him for Scotland that night had he asked me! I do not believe he would have given me his mother's ring if he was not certain of his choice. Do you?"
"No, I do not Lizzy. Do not worry; I am certain that you will receive a letter soon." She hugged Elizabeth and when she pulled away, Jane looked confused again and asked, "But what will you do during the season, Lizzy? Will you dance with other men?"
Elizabeth sighed, "I think I must, Jane, to make Papa happy. Papa was very specific in that he wants me to make an effort to meet other young men so that I am certain I am doing the right thing before accepting William. To be honest, I will not be thinking of anyone but William while I am away from him, but I do think I could at least put on a pleasant expression while dancing with the young men with whom I grew up and whom I consider to be my friends. William was worried about young men making advances without his being here to protect me, so he gave me lessons on how to defend myself. I will show you what I have learned that you do not already know."
Just then the post arrived and both girls walked briskly to collect it. Elizabeth shuffled through the letters, and Jane could tell by her expression that there were none from Pemberley.
12 November 1807
Six weeks after William had taken over as master, Mrs. Reynolds entered his study to make William aware of the interference that his Uncle Robert, the earl, and his Aunt Catherine were attempting with regard to the staff. It was bad enough that they both were relentlessly needling him to accept their assistance, but attempting to change the way Pemberley was run by ordering the staff to conduct themselves against William's orders was too much!
"Thank you for bringing this to my attention--they have gone too far this time, Mrs. Reynolds. I did not wish to do this to my mother's siblings, but I fear if they do not begin to behave themselves, I might have to remove them from the property to end this… siege! Please have Mr. Reynolds come to me. If it comes down to expelling them, I will need the support of all of the footmen."
He did not dismiss her, so she stood in place while William sat silently looking at her, lost in thought. After a few moments, Mrs. Reynolds cleared her throat bringing him back to the present.
"I cannot understand why Mr. Bennet has not responded to my letters." Waving his hand across his desk, which was almost covered with piles of paper, he continued, "I had delayed some of this because they were not urgent matters at the time, but it is now all urgent. If Mr. Bennet will not help me, then I will need to puzzle it all out on my own. I will not act against my father's wishes and seek help from my uncle."
"It is possible, sir, that you could make use of additional support staff, a secretary perhaps? You cannot research these matters or ride out to the tenants if you are too busy with all these papers, and the opposite is true as well."
"How did my father manage all this without any additional help other than a steward, Mrs. Reynolds?"
"Mr. Darcy, you must remember that you have come into managing Pemberley suddenly, being unprepared to do so, and with a steward who had never even seen the estate the day before he took the position and has been learning the job as well as learning your preferences for running the estate--preferences that you are only now discovering as you go along. If Mr. Wickham had survived, it would have been much easier for you. You had been required to resolve a property line dispute and the damage from the floods when the rivers rose for the first weeks. During that time you were also without a steward." Mrs. Reynolds pointed to the papers on the desk. "Much of this accumulated while you were tending to much more urgent matters.
Mrs. Reynolds' expression softened and shook her head. "You have not even given yourself time to grieve your father's loss. Sir, no rational person who has seen how hard you have worked the past weeks could possibly criticize you."
William smiled at her emphasis on the word "rational" since she knew very well that his aunt and uncle were not accepting at all of the way he was running Pemberley. "I will write to Mr. Moore to inquire after obtaining a secretary. I assume a secretary would not be under your or Mr. Reynolds' authority, but directly under mine?"
She nodded.
"Mrs. Reynolds, I thank G-d for you and your husband every day. I do not know what I would have done without you throughout this difficult time."
"Mr. Reynolds and I are quite proud to be associated with you, Master William," she said, reverting back to her previous, more personal way of referring to him. A teary-eyed Mrs. Reynolds left the room.
Once alone, two questions that had not been far from his thoughts these six weeks entered William's mind once more. "Why did Mr. Bennet not respond to any of his letters? Why had Georgiana not heard from Elizabeth?"
He cleared a portion of his desk. First wrote to Mr. Moore about acquiring a secretary, and then as an afterthought began to write another letter.
Dear Mr. Bennet,After six weeks, I can no longer make excuses for why you would completely ignore all of my letters. I know there were issues that we had not agreed upon, but I felt we had worked them out satisfactorily before you had departed. I wish that you would explain to me what has changed so drastically since your removal that you would blatantly ignore the promise you had made to my father to assist me if he passed before he felt I was ready?
I am left here without your guidance and without that of Mr. Wickham since he passed in the same accident that took my father from us. I am floundering in an attempt to do what is right by everyone associated with the Darcy name, but I am unsure what exactly I must do to accomplish this. My father told me that I could trust you as he did, and yet I have heard nothing from you since you left here that fateful day.
My uncle, the Earl of Matlock, and my aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, have descended upon Pemberley, demanding that I allow them to assist me. I refused, as was my father's wish, but they continue to stay on here. I can only imagine they are thinking that I will eventually be so overwhelmed that I will give in to their machinations. My father feared that they would attempt to take control of the Darcy holdings, and his fears have now become reality. They will not relent--every free moment I allow myself is inundated with their complaints and demands. I cannot turn my mother's siblings out of the house without making a public display and disgracing all of our names, so I have not. My father told me that you were prepared to assist me with "beating back the wolves from the door" as he said you put it. But you have not; and so I do this alone as well.
My aunt's constant attempts to convince me to release Georgiana into her care are most distressing. My sister is grieved by the death of our father, but she is terrified that we will be separated. Legally, I am told by my solicitor, my aunt cannot remove my sister, but I fear that if I do not accomplish everything related to the estate in a perfect manner, she will find a judge who will declare me to be incompetent and overwhelmed by responsibility, providing a legal way of removing my sister from my care. I do not put the possibility of bribery beyond her machinations. She divides her time in my presence between harping on this subject and her offering to end this constant pressure by having me agree to marry her daughter. My uncle is behind her in this; he says that if I marry Anne, they would have no qualms about leaving Georgiana with us.
Do not allow Miss Elizabeth to fear that I will marry my cousin Anne; I would rather endure listening to my aunt's rants every day for the rest of my life than to marry anyone other than Miss Elizabeth.
Of all that has occurred since my father's untimely death, Mr. Bennet, your and Miss Elizabeth's silence is what bothers me the most--I cannot believe that Miss Elizabeth is ignoring Georgiana's letters, so I can only assume that you are keeping Georgiana's letters from reaching her. Please, sir, if you are angry with me for what occurred the morning you left Pemberley, which is the only conclusion to which I can come, I beg of you to allow Georgiana the comfort of at least corresponding with Elizabeth. She lost her mother at a very early age, she has just lost her father, and though I try to protect her from her aunt's and uncle's ranting, she knows of the threats to be taken from me, her brother. Must she lose her friend as well? This is too much for an eleven-year-old girl to be expected to bear, sir, and I do not understand your thinking.
Once again, I beg some sort of answer from you. Even a note with the word "NO!" written across it would be better than this deafening silence.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
William sealed the letter and walked out into the hallway to the silver tray meant for outgoing mail, placing the letter to Mr. Bennet on top of two others, and then returned to the study.
A few minutes later, Mr. Reynolds, the butler, retrieved the letters off the silver tray, handing them to the runner who would bring them the post station. "Roger, there are only two letters today; come to my office, and I will give you the funds to post them in Lambton."
Roger would always be grateful for the master's kindness the previous day and wanted to do everything perfectly from then on. "When I come back from Lambton, I put the post on the gold tray; right, Mr. Reynolds?"
"Yes, as I showed you yesterday, Roger, and then inform me immediately that the post has arrived. I will bring it to the master when it is convenient for him. Do not bring it in to the master yourself." Mr. Reynolds gave him a pointed look; he did not wish the mistake of Roger's first day to be repeated. Mr. Darcy had been very understanding the day before when Roger had made the mistake of walking into the study unbidden with the post, and was quite generous in allowing Roger to continue in his position after such a glaring error.
"Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!" Roger took the money to post the two letters and headed for Lambton.
The Earl of Matlock knew from the moment he had read the letter informing him of his brother-in-law's demise that his nephew was not going to accept his assistance easily. The express stated that George Darcy lived at least half a day after the accident, giving him plenty of time to advise his son against it. At first, he did not have any intention to rush to Pemberley, but after the meeting with his informer in which he was told of the events lately at Pemberley, he made arrangements to leave his estate at Matlock as soon as possible. The earl did not want the country squire that his brother-in-law had trusted, Bennet, anywhere near his niece and nephew again!
At the time of passing on the information, which happened to be just after receiving Fitzwilliam Darcy's express, his informer--the son of the steward at Pemberley, George Wickham, had been quite put out when he was told that the earl would need to find someone to replace him since his father, the unwitting source of all the information he gathered for the earl, had also died in the same accident. Wickham's momentary shock at the news of his father's passing gave the earl great satisfaction, but Wickham did not hesitate for more than a heartbeat or two before continuing on as if he had not just been told that his father was dead.
The truth of the matter was that the earl knew Wickham was very persuasive and more than likely could have found a maid to seduce into passing him information at regular intervals, but he also knew that now that Fitzwilliam was master and the elder Wickham was dead, it would be much more difficult for young Wickham to have an excuse to be on the grounds of Pemberley at all. The earl had heard from another attendee at Cambridge that Fitzwilliam did not like young Wickham's extracurricular activities while at university. The fact that Wickham had been raising the price every time he provided information to the earl did not help Wickham's argument for continuing his employment. The problem with this part of plan was that Fleming, the earl's footman who helped him with all of his less than honorable dealings, could never seem to find a Darcy servant willing to talk, even after seducing several of the maids at Pemberley! Fleming would have to continue his search for the right maid. "Poor man--the sacrifices he makes for his employer!" The earl laughed to himself, and then his smile widened as he thought about the possibility of making the same sort of sacrifice to the cause.
The earl's countenance soured quickly, though, when his thoughts returned to the information revealed by young Wickham about the Bennets' visit. Truly, the elder Wickham was a fool for trusting his son with any information. The father wrote in his letter that he was certain the future Mrs. Darcy was presently staying at Pemberley, and gave his impression of her--which was all good, of course, but what lady would not attempt to put up a good front for the Darcys?
Through his own dealings with Bennet during their shared time at Cambridge, he knew that he was an extremely intelligent man, and the earl was convinced that Bennet had used his years of what he believed to be a false friendship with the elder Darcy to subtly manipulate George's views on the ton and to gather information on his son's preferences. He was also certain that Miss Bennet had been carefully instructed as to how to behave in company with all three Darcys. If Miss Bennet was as intelligent as Wickham's father asserted, she would have no trouble duping the Darcys into thinking she was precisely what they wished for in the next Mistress of Pemberley--which was as much like the former Mistress as could be possible.
He had to break the Bennets' hold on them!
If he could somehow manage the illusion of the Bennets abandoning Fitzwilliam and Georgiana upon George Darcy's death, Fitzwilliam would have no one to turn to for assistance with the estate since the elder Wickham was also dead. The earl thought the chances were good that Fitzwilliam would eventually turn to him for help after he had failed in the management of Pemberley.
Upon reaching Pemberley the earl heard that a letter had already been sent to Mr. Bennet informing him of the loss, seeming to make his plans much more difficult to execute. He had decided that he would stay, and if Bennet returned--he would decide later what to do. Perhaps Catherine could assist him in that, but he felt that all depended on how circumstances developed.
Meanwhile, he put into effect his idea of making it look as if the Bennets had abandoned the Darcys. Surprisingly, it had been an easy task to achieve! Since the Darcys never had reason to doubt the loyalty of their servants, they never felt the need to be very careful with their correspondence and actually left it lying on a table in the hallway outside of the master's study! Fleming easily gleaned the post schedule for the house and would confiscate all outbound or inbound letters between the Bennets and the Darcys.
The moment that his sister Catherine arrived, he had discussed his plan with her, and she agreed fully to all he had already initiated, and then added to it. They would pressure Fitzwilliam either to turn Georgiana over to Catherine, which they knew their nephew would never do, or to finally agree to marry his cousin Anne de Bourgh--to provide the proper female guidance that she had so sorely lacked since her mother had died, of course.
Since they expected him to refuse, Catherine had already ordered her solicitor to begin to research ways of having Fitzwilliam removed as Georgiana's guardian so they could threaten him with that alternative. Knowing their nephew would never release his beloved sister to another's care, they anticipated he would eventually relent. It would not be long before both the earl and Lady Catherine gained an increasing amount of control over the Darcy holdings, name, and connections.
With the Darcy name fully behind them, the Fitzwilliam family would regain the grandeur that the shame of scandal had stolen from them years ago--and they would once again become an unstoppable force!
Now that their scheme was progressing nicely, the earl and his sister knew they had reached the point at which their nephew would soon send them packing. It was time to put the next phase into effect. Since their arrival, Fleming had spent many evenings in Lambton to discover who would best suit their needs. Finding a man named Booth, Fleming had befriended him, convincing him to spend some time every day after work engaging in manly pastimes--mostly drinking and playing cards at the tavern. It was not a coincidence that Booth kept losing to a man who was actually Fleming's brother.
All said, Booth had promised and lost more than a whole year's worth of his salary as an employee of the postal office at Lambton. When the stranger insisted on being paid immediately, Booth, the sole support to a number of younger brothers and sisters, was desperate to find a way to pay his debt and still be able to care for his siblings. Conveniently, his new friend Fleming had a proposition… if Booth would use his position at the postal office to do Fleming a few favors, he would buy his debt from the stranger, and they would call it even. Booth agreed to the arrangement immediately.
He was instructed to bar all letters between Pemberley and Longbourn in Hertfordshire including all letters between anyone by the names of Bennet and Darcy. In addition, he was told to prevent any letter from the county of Hertfordshire from reaching Pemberley--in the event that the Bennets sent a letter through a friend.
"Mr. Cassidy, the jeweler from Lambton, is here to see you, Mr. Darcy. He states that he will not hand his package to anyone other than you, sir," Mr. Reynolds stated--his voice colored with a touch of annoyance at not being deemed trustworthy enough.
A quite haggard-looking William ran his hand through his hair to settle it and straightened out his coat, saying a bit nervously, "Send him in directly, Reynolds."
Mr. Cassidy was announced and entered the study. He came to a stop before William's desk, gingerly holding a medium sized parcel in both hands.
"May I see the results of our endeavor, Mr. Cassidy?"
"Yes, sir, Mr. Darcy." He carefully handed the parcel to William. "The piece you had designed is in the blue box, sir. I must say, though it was a pleasure to fashion your mourning jewelry as well, it was a pure delight for me to construct the ring according to your design, sir. Would you mind if I used the pattern for other jewelry?"
William opened the package as Mr. Cassidy spoke and opened the blue box first, removing his new signet ring. The ring opened as if it were a locket, revealing the precious hair of his beloved Elizabeth set in glass beneath it. He did not wish his gaze to linger for long--there would be plenty of time for that later. The ring closed perfectly and William placed it on the smallest finger of his left hand. Not that he had doubted Mr. Cassidy's work, but he was pleased that it fit perfectly, for to him it meant as much as the ring that he had given Elizabeth upon their engagement. He then moved on to open the other boxes which contained his and Georgiana's jewelry in memory of their father's passing, saying, "You are certain you used the correct lock of hair, Cassidy?"
"Yes, sir; I was extremely careful not to confuse this hair with your father's! Besides, the scent would have given it away had I been in doubt."
William colored slightly while saying, "Good. It is perfectly constructed, and I praise your talents." He hesitated while he inspected the other pieces and then said, "And for the rest, as well. Very nicely done, Mr. Cassidy. I thank you for your efforts."
Somehow wearing the ring helped him feel a little more at peace… at least part of Elizabeth would always physically be with him.
25 December 1807My dearest Elizabeth,
Happy Christmas, my love. It has not been a happy time for the Darcys, I am afraid. Georgiana and I have attempted to put on a good front for each other's sake and for that of the servants, but we both are highly aware of all that we have lost in the past three months, and I seriously doubt that we are fooling anyone.
Three months… yes, the last day of this year will mark that amount of time since you had left us; the first of the new year will mean the same time has passed since the death of our father.
I had been making a fine attempt at viewing each sunrise as being one closer to seeing you again, but I admit this has been difficult to accomplish during the past few days. I cannot think of the day that I dream of--the day I will be seeing you once again--as the thirtieth day of May. It seems too far away when I see that the calendar is still turned to December.
I will not abandon you as your father has done to Georgiana and me. I will come to you on your birthday and, if he is still set against me, G-d help me, I will take you away from him to Scotland as I have promised you. I swear it, Elizabeth. At times, it is only this thought that spurs me on in doing what I must to get through the day. I must keep all running as smoothly as possible here so that our future together is secure.
Did you receive the gift that Georgiana and I chose for you in Lambton, I wonder? I wished to send you so much more than a set of handkerchiefs and have actually purchased several gifts for you, but I could not imagine that your father would allow you to receive any gifts from me, so I will give you the gifts when I see you again. I am not even certain he will permit the one gift from Georgiana. I understand it is not likely, but I am nursing a small hope that he did not tell you they were from Georgiana and gave them to you under the guise of a gift from himself. You would then recognize Georgiana's embroidery work--or you would instinctively know from whom they came. Perhaps this hope is silly, but it has helped me through my days of late.
Georgiana has given me a detailed account of all she has written to you--the letter she sent today was one that she had begged I read before posting. She is worried that she has offended you in some way and that is why you have not written or come to Pemberley, but I have assured her that is not the reason. I do not know that I have convinced her; the current generation of Darcys seems to have a tendency to predict the worse possible outcomes of any situation and to blame themselves for being the cause of it.
My time spent writing to you here in this journal has been decreasing as I have little to say other than to repeat my longings for you, and I have found another way in which to express my feelings that does them more justice than any words could ever do, of which I will tell you in a few moments.
I could share with you what has transpired during my days as I would if you were here, but it seems pointless for two reasons. The first is that you will probably never read this journal since I will someday have the honor of telling you all that has been written within with my own voice. The second is that I have found it helpful to keep several, more formal, journals in addition to my ledgers for such things. I have made separate journals for each type correspondence: tenant business, notes I have made for the spring plantings, and a few others for miscellaneous business and personal dealings. I began them because I was so overwhelmed at first, trying to remember every detail so that I could repeat it when necessary, and this practice became so helpful that I have continued it. My steward and secretary find them useful as well. However, I do feel the need to update you on several subjects since my last entry.
I am embarrassed to admit to this, but since I sleep very little, I spend the time I have to myself sketching you. As if you were here, I can hear you laugh and ask why that would be a problem since you had given me permission to make drawings of you many times in the past. My answer would have to be that it is not merely the fact that I am making sketches, Elizabeth, it is the sheer number of them… I have made several dozen and have absolutely no intention of restricting this indulgence since it provides me with some little bit of solace. My dreams are filled with you and many times when I awaken without you near, I am filled with an ache of overwhelming loneliness and despair. The best way I have found to feel closer to you is to sketch your likeness.
One might say I am a man obsessed! As you once said, although your memories do not, most people's memories fade with time. To be honest, that statement has made me terrified that this will happen with my memories of you. Consequently, I have begun to recreate your stay at Pemberley as I remember it, depicting you in each circumstance in which I had found you, or vice versa since I was less able to move than you. I have found that each situation provides me with an endless number of memories of your expressions that I had grown to love, even some that I would dread to have repeated upon your lovely face.
I can only wish that I had better skills, for I cannot do justice to your beauty, but it will have to do for now. I certainly hope I will not have a chance to make many more before I can again see the original, my dearest Elizabeth.
I cannot put into words how much I miss you. I cannot suppress my constant urgent need to know what you are thinking and feeling--I thought I would hear from you at least through your letters to Georgiana. Sometimes I think I shall go mad without knowing what is occurring in your life.
I cannot imagine that you could know all that I have written to your father and all that Georgiana has written to you, and that it does not affect you. At all times I have two opposite wishes--one is to find that you do not know of the happenings here, that your father has kept this news from you and has kept Georgiana's letters from your hands, so that you are not pained by our suffering without any way to relieve it. But, I also feel a desperate need for you to know, so that I can be assured that your affectionate heart is feeling something of what we are experiencing. I know the later is selfish and cruel, but I cannot help myself.
I confess that there is a very small part of me that, at the worst of times, wonders if you ever truly cared for me at all, but then I remember the way you looked at me, the way you melted into my embrace as if you had as great a need for my touch as I have for yours, and my doubts are quelled.
Perhaps this is the reason that many of the drawings I have made are limited to your eyes and brows alone. I am driven to attempt to catch on paper the exact look of love that I recall seeing in those eyes that have so bewitched me. I have always marveled at the way your eyes seem to articulate your thoughts and emotions--they are so revealing! I cannot get the look of love in your eyes just right, and I am desperate to see it again.
I do not understand your father, and I am afraid that my disappointment when he did not answer my letters at first has now turned to bitterness toward him. Though you had almost convinced me that your interpretation of his response to my proposal was correct, I now know all that you had thought about him was wrong, and that my father was mistaken to trust him. How could he blatantly disregard all of his promises to my father?
It must be because we fell in love, but why does he feel I am so wrong for you? On what grounds does he reject me, Elizabeth?
The Darcy line is respectable, honorable, and ancient--though untitled. On my mother's side, I am descended from a noble line. I am the grandson of an earl! I am wealthy and in sole control of the Darcy legacy. He could not have doubted that I could provide for your material needs. I have made every attempt at being a good man and have rejected following my peers when their activities went against my values.
Could he have doubted that I loved you enough, even after all that I said to him? I believe I treated you well… did I not, Elizabeth? Does he believe that I did persuade you into my bed, and, therefore he feels he cannot trust me? Does he feel I would not respect you if we married and would not honor every aspect of the vows I would make to you--that I have already made in my heart?
I wish that I had got down on my knees and begged your father for as long as it took to gain his consent. Would that have done any good? I go over and over everything in my mind--what could I have done differently? I do not believe I could have changed any of my actions, except for that last night. Knowing what I do now, that he would have allowed us a few minutes the next morning, I understand that I should not have gone to your room… but there was no way of foreseeing that. Perhaps he would not have allowed it if not for what I said in his rooms that morning, and you would have left without the reassurance of my love for you! I could not risk it, my love.
I am finding myself praying often the past three months. Every time this rancor enters my heart, as well as when I become angry at my father for dying, I ask for His guidance and forgiveness.
Ah, I have reviewed my letter and realize that I have not told you of the anger as of yet. You see, Father was supposed to begin to hand over the responsibilities now, not leave me with the whole all at once. He was supposed to be here to give his guidance to me, to approve of my plans before I put them into effect. This transition was supposed to happen SLOWLY! And I was not supposed to have the added responsibility of suddenly having to be a father to my young sister at the same time!
I KNOW he did not wish to die! I know my anger is completely unreasonable! I feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way, Elizabeth, but still I cannot stop myself, and I feel as if I am very weak. Perhaps being deprived of your support is G-d's punishment?
Will I lose your love as well, Elizabeth? I could not survive if I did! Please, please do not stop loving me!
Though I wish you were here, I truly do hope that you had a happy Christmas, my heart.
Yours forever,
William
Posted on: 2011-03-31
27 May, 1808
Five months later
Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam's horse came to an abrupt stop in front of the main entrance of a damaged Pemberley Manor. As he had approached, he could not miss the acrid stench of smoke that still hung heavy in the air--a telltale sign that the fire was still smoldering somewhere within. Dismounting before his horse had completely stopped moving, Richard handed off the reins to a servant and rushed up the steps and through the front door. As he entered, he recognized the older man walking toward him and called out, "Reynolds! Is he in his chamber?"
"Yes, Colonel Fitzwilliam, he is," Mr. Reynolds answered while helping him off with his coat.
"Any change?"
Mr. Reynolds followed as Richard began to walk toward the staircase. "You should brace yourself before seeing him, sir; the only change since the express was sent to you has been for the worse. I should tell you before you are in company with Miss Georgiana that Mr. Smythe is not very confident of a positive outcome, Colonel."
Richard stopped walking for a moment, closed his eyes, and said a silent prayer. Taking a deep breath, he began walking again as he noisily blew out a rush of air. "I appreciate the warning, Reynolds, but I have every confidence in William's ability to win this battle with his stubborn determination! He will refuse to leave Georgiana alone--I guarantee it!"
Taking the stairs two at a time, Richard quickened his pace even further when he neared the third floor and could hear the screams of his cousin. Not bothering to knock, he opened the door to the master's suite and stood in shock for several moments, staring at the scene he found within.
William was in bed, propped up with pillows, completely drenched with sweat, his left arm flailing about frantically as if reaching out to someone who was far away, and he was screaming a woman's name in a hoarse voice, repeating it again and again. He surmised that William must have either already fallen from or had tried to remove himself from the bed, because a footman, James he thought, was posted close by--ready to spring into action if required. Georgiana had collapsed into a chair near the bed and was sobbing quietly. Mrs. Reynolds was endeavoring to tell William that she was the woman he sought while mopping his face, left arm, and the undamaged part of his chest with a wet cloth, Richard assumed in an attempt to lower his fever. There was a maid who seemed to have the duty of making certain that clean cloths were available for Mrs. Reynolds' use. Richard recognized Mr. Smythe, the doctor from Lambton, and saw that another maid was assisting him in preparing a salve, most likely to apply to William's wounds. A fire was blazing in the fireplace, keeping the room as warm as possible.
Richard kneeled at Georgiana's side and took her into an embrace. "Richard! Oh, Richard!" she sobbed into his shoulder. Mrs. Reynolds caught his eye for a moment, and she gestured toward the door to the master's sitting room. Taking the hint, Richard stood, pulled Georgiana with him, and supported most of her weight as he moved her out into the sitting room. As he passed the table at which Mr. Smythe was working, his eyes silently begged the doctor for more information as soon as he was able.
Mr. Smythe approached and said so that only Richard could hear, "Miss Darcy has not eaten in two days."
Richard nodded. When he had moved Georgiana to a sofa in the sitting room, Richard walked to the door joining the two rooms and closed it, ringing for tea while returning to her side. "I must return to William!" Georgiana sobbed and began to rise from the sofa, but Richard held her in place by the shoulders.
"Georgie, you need to eat and get some rest first."
"NO, Richard! William needs me!"
Richard could see that he was going to have to use what William and Georgiana referred to as his colonel voice. "Georgiana Darcy! I am your guardian, and you will follow my instructions on this." His tone softened as he continued, "The doctor said you must eat, and so you shall. You cannot be strong for your brother if you fall ill yourself, and I will not have both of my favorite relatives needing nursemaids. Besides, everyone is so busy with your brother that the job would most likely fall upon me! I do not think you would like me as your nursemaid, Poppet."
Her crying had quieted, and she tried to smile. "I would think you would do better as nursemaid to William. Perhaps that would help to cheer him."
A knock on the door was followed by the entrance of a maid bearing a tray with tea, cold meats, and cheeses, which she set up on a table nearby before quickly exiting the room. Richard made a plate and tea for Georgiana, bringing it to her. "You see, I am already serving tea; nursemaid may not be far behind!" Again Georgiana made a weak attempt at a smile. "Eat!" Richard commanded, and then returned to make up his own plate.
Once seated, Richard saw that Georgiana must have found that she was hungry after all--her plate was more than half cleared already. They sat in silence as he attacked his own plate, both lost in thought. When Georgiana returned her plate to the table, she said, "Thank you, Richard, I do feel a little better. I do not remember how long it has been since I have eaten."
"Mr. Smythe said it was two days ago. I can only assume it was before the fire."
"Oh."
"Georgiana, who is Elizabeth?"
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I am certain you have heard us speak of her." Richard nodded and Georgiana continued, "Elizabeth and her father stayed with us last summer and into the autumn. Do you remember when William was ill at the beginning of September? Elizabeth had been walking near William's favorite riding path, and his horse reared to avoid her, which is how he was injured. She had injured her ankle as well and while William had a high fever, he was acting in much the same manner as he is now. Mrs. Reynolds tells me he wanted to make certain Elizabeth was safe so Father had her brought to William's room. She sat with him until his fever broke. We are assuming he thinks she is still here and wishes to make certain she was not injured in the fire. He has been calling for her almost constantly since he was injured."
"Are you saying he has been like this for almost two days?"
She nodded and tears began to form in her eyes once again.
"Can you send for Miss Bennet, Georgiana?"
Richard could see he had touched on a sensitive subject when the torrent of tears began anew as she said, "She and her father have not written since they left here. William believes her father has kept our letters from her and will not allow her to write to us."
"Why on earth would he do such a thing?"
"Well… William only told me his thoughts on that subject a few days ago when he told me of his plans. He proposed marriage to Elizabeth last September, and Mr. Bennet did not consent. William feels that her father does not approve of him. Brother had promised to stay away until Elizabeth turned seventeen, which will be in a few days. He was about to leave here and go to her; they had planned to elope to Scotland if Mr. Bennet continued to deny his consent, but he will not be able to go now…"
"Not approve the match?! Is the man daft? William is every father's dream! What could he possibly object to?"
"I do not know, Richard. I cannot understand it."
Richard was thoughtful for a few minutes before saying, "Perhaps if you wrote a letter directly to Mr. Bennet, begging him to allow Miss Bennet to travel to Pemberley. Appeal to his fatherly sensibilities. Offer him anything he could want, Georgiana. William cannot survive like this! Something must be done to calm him."
Happy to be able to do something to help her brother, Georgiana replied enthusiastically, "Yes… yes! I will write directly to Mr. Bennet. I will go to my room now and send it express. Meanwhile, we shall have to continue to try to convince him that Elizabeth is well. After all, he did have the investigator check on her twice to be certain."
"Good to know, Poppet. I will go in to William now and try to quiet him."
27 May, 1808
Pemberley, DerbyshireDear Mr. Bennet,
I respectfully request that you put aside whatever quarrel you have with our family while reading this letter. I myself have many pleasant memories of our time spent together, as does my brother, and we have both been saddened and confused by the recent lack of communication between our families.
There has been a fire at Pemberley. It pains me to write that my brother William was burned about the arm and a portion of his chest when a beam fell upon him while he was entering the house to free several members of our staff who were trapped within.
Infection has now set in, and William has developed a very high fever in addition to the great amount of pain he is suffering from the burns. Mr. Smythe, the doctor from Lambton, tells me that, unlike his reaction to a previous high fever in September, William is not truly aware of his surroundings. William seems to think that you and Miss Elizabeth are still presently visiting Pemberley. He is calling out for her, much like he did almost eight months ago, but this time Miss Elizabeth is not here to show him that she is safe, and we have not been able to quiet him. He thrashes about and calls for her for hours at a time, sir! My brother is only becoming more agitated as time passes, and Mr. Smythe is extremely concerned as he feels that if William does not rest, there will never be a chance for his fever to abate, and in that case he will soon die.
Please, Mr. Bennet! I must beg that Miss Elizabeth be conveyed to Pemberley the moment you read this letter.
I will arrange for horses to be brought to the post stops between Longbourn and Pemberley so that your driver can continue straight through without stopping to rest your horses. I would have sent one of our coaches, but it was much faster to send an express.
If you do not wish to send Miss Elizabeth for William's sake, please do so for mine, sir. Pity me sir, if nothing else since I have only my brother and my cousin Richard remaining to call my family. I appeal to your sense of Christian charity if pity is not enough to bridge the breach. I promise to do anything you ask, sir--anything--if you would just assist me so that I will not lose William, too!
I thank you, Mr. Bennet, for I have faith that you will come to my aide at this most desperate time of need.
Sincerely,
Georgiana Darcy
A few tears fell onto the paper as she sealed it, but Georgiana had not the time to write her letter again. She asked her maid to bring it to Mr. Reynolds to be sent by express immediately, and then joined Richard at her brother's bedside.
Several hours had passed, and William had rested for limited periods of time between bouts of screaming. Georgiana had fallen asleep on a couch during one of William's short slumbers, and Richard had gently lifted and carried her to her room, hoping she would sleep for many hours. There was nothing she could do, and Richard had left orders with the staff that she should be awakened if there was any change in her brother's condition.
The doctor lay down upon the couch that Georgiana had previously occupied, and Richard ordered Mrs. Reynolds, the other maids, and James to retire as well when reinforcements had arrived. For a few minutes all was quiet, and Richard began to look about the room for something with which to occupy himself lest he fall asleep himself.
His gaze was caught by the writing desk since it had the corner of a piece of paper protruding from one of the drawers. He was curious about this oddity… his cousin was always so fastidious! Richard opened the deep drawer to straighten the page but what met his eyes mesmerized him. It was a half-finished drawing of a truly beautiful lady. He lifted it out of the drawer to get a better look at it, and saw another; beneath that one he found another… and another… and another… and another! Lifting a handful from the drawer he found that all the drawings were of the same woman--she was employed in different occupations and drawn from different angles. There had to be hundreds of them! Richard opened the drawer above this one which was about half as deep and found drawings of eyes, many of them had several sets of eyes per page.
This had to be William's Elizabeth, and he was obviously madly in love with her. Choosing one of the first few sketches he had seen, Richard approached the bed and sat down, hoping to be able to catch his cousin's attention by the drawing when he awakened.
Hearing the clock chime four, Georgiana awoke and saw that it was the middle of the night. It took a few moments before she remembered what had been occurring the past few days, but those blissful moments of ignorance were short-lived. Sorrow and worry came crashing down upon her when she heard her brother's screams echo down the hall as they began again. Where he found the strength to continue on this way, she could not understand.
Still dressed from the previous day--or was it the day before that--she rose and pulled out the hairpins which were no longer doing their job and twisted her hair into a simple knot as she walked toward the door.
Upon entering William's room she could see that there was no change in William's condition; though at the moment he was quiet, he was still moving around restlessly. Richard was sitting in the chair next to the bed, bathing his face with a wet cloth. "He is playing nursemaid after all!" she thought as she looked upon the scene so full of brotherly love.
Georgiana then started when William began to scream again… or as close to a scream as he could get with his voice so raspy after the past few days.
Richard's voice boomed out much louder than William's, "I have had ENOUGH, William! Stop this nonsense at once! YOU MUST REST! Georgiana is depending on you to be alive and well! You WILL NOT leave her alone in the world. Do you understand me? Being in the army, I cannot always be here for her.
"I am depending on you, blast it! You have always been my best friend and confidant; I am closer to you than to anyone else. You and Georgiana are the only two people that I truly consider to be family in every sense of the word.
"Miss Elizabeth is well! I was not here when Miss Elizabeth was at Pemberley, which is proof enough that Miss Elizabeth is safely away from here. You have confirmed that Miss Elizabeth is safe through an investigator. You must become well before you can go to her. Miss Elizabeth is waiting for you to marry her, William. Do not disappoint her!
"If you die, my father will come and take over Pemberley, stating it is for Georgiana's sake! He and Aunt Catherine will ruin everything your father had achieved and all that you have strived to maintain.
"Do not break the hearts of all those you love! YOU MUST RECOVER!" The last shout echoed throughout the room.
Georgiana noticed that William had stopped screaming at the beginning of Richard's rant and had remained silent through all of the rest of it, but did not seem to be awake. Did a small part of his mind hear it? Did he understand?
She walked to Richard's side and placed her hand on his shoulder, startling him a bit. He looked up at her sheepishly, but his countenance changed to one of relief when he saw the hint of a smile in his cousin's eyes as she squeezed his shoulder. Clearing his throat, he said, "I have seen too many young men die for crown and country… for good causes. I could not watch him die for no reason at all. I had to try something. I hope you can forgive me for shouting at your brother when he is so ill."
"We have tried everything else, Richard. I do not believe it could harm him." Moving her eyes to William she gasped, "Richard! I do think you have done some good."
Richard looked back at William and saw his face seemed more relaxed, as if he were sleeping soundly. He took a trembling breath and let it out slowly in an attempt to hold back the tears that had filled his eyes.
It was Richard's turn to sleep on the couch while Mr. Smythe and Georgiana stood watch over William. After sleeping for he knew not how long, he was awakened by Georgiana's cries. Fear gripping his heart, Richard jumped from the couch and rushed to her side. The young girl buried her face in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. He did not wish to look at William but knew he must. Mr. Smythe was leaning over him with his ear to William's chest listening to his heart, blocking Richard's view of his cousin. When Mr. Smythe moved aside while he examined William, Richard saw why Georgiana was so distraught--William's skin was so very white, and he was lying perfectly still. It looked as if he were…
Mr. Smythe straightened up, a wide smile spreading across his face. "The fever has broken! The chances are good that he will live!"
Richard exhaled with a howl. He looked down and saw Georgiana's smile had probably outdone his own and now her tears were tears of joy; Richard could not stop the few that fell from his own eyes as well. He picked up his cousin and twirled her around. Georgiana laughed, which made him laugh along with her.
The relief that the Master would live and the sight of the two cousins giggling like school children caused Mr. Smythe, Mrs. Reynolds, James, and the maids to join in as well. Mrs. Reynolds called out to one of the maids to spread the news among the other staff.
"You did it, Richard! You saved him!"
"No, Poppet, William saved himself--he just needed a bit of a reminder of all he had to live for."
William slept for several hours, and when he woke, the only thing that he noticed was that the pain in his arm and the right side of his chest was much worse than it had been when his shoulder had been injured, though he could not remember why. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times, and when his eyes cleared, he saw both Richard and Georgiana asleep in chairs next to the bed. Looking to his arm, William saw that it and part of his chest were covered with some sort of salve and a cloth was draped over his stomach and left arm. The cloth was tickling his chin and when he tried to move his right arm to scratch it, the arm would not respond. His eyes widened as he concentrated on moving his arm again, and it did nothing. William tried to ask what had happened to him, but his throat was very sore and his voice failed him. The resulting cough woke Richard and Georgiana. Mr. Smythe came into view as well, looking rather disheveled, as if he had been sleeping. The doctor moved quickly to the water pitcher, poured William a glass, and helped him to drink a few sips.
"William!" Georgiana said with a wide smile, eyes bright with tears. She leaned over to kiss her brother's cheek.
"You gave us quite a scare, cousin! It is good to see you awake and aware again."
"What happened?" William croaked out.
"You do not remember the fire, Brother? Pemberley's guest wing has burned, as well as part of the servants' quarters. Some of the servants were trapped, and you went in to rescue them."
"Did anyone…"
Georgiana shook her head. "No one was lost; there were no major injuries other than yours. You saved those who were trapped before a beam fell upon you. James and another footman had gone in with you, and they lifted the beam and were able to carry you from the house. I am not sure who the other footman was; I will have to enquire so we know who to thank. I am afraid I have not been thinking very clearly the past three days!"
"Elizabeth?"
"She is at Longbourn I believe."
"Dreamt Elizabeth died in a fire!"
"Yes, thank G-d they were only dreams! She has not been at Pemberley for eight months."
Georgiana helped him take another drink and then William's brow furrowed. "Eight months? Her birthday… what is the date?"
"Today is the eight and twentieth day of May."
William's eyes widened again, "I will be late!" He tried to sit up and failed miserably, moaning at the pain.
Mr. Smythe placed a hand on his left shoulder and applied a little pressure to have him lie down again, "Do not even think about travelling!"
"But I must be in Hertfordshire by the thirtieth day of May!"
"You are not going anywhere for quite a while, Mr. Darcy! You have burns to a good portion of your arm, part of your wrist, and part of your chest. Your fever was very high for more than two days and the infection is just beginning to retreat. To be honest, sir, I did not think you would be with us today. You will rest and recuperate until I tell you differently or you will have a relapse. You are not strong enough to survive another few days similar to those you have just experienced!"
"William, I wrote to Mr. Bennet yesterday begging Elizabeth to come to Pemberley and sent it by express. He should have it by now--Elizabeth might even be on her way here."
A dark look clouded his face. "He would not tell her even if he thought I was dying… he would not allow her to come to Pemberley, Georgiana. If anything, he is rejoicing at the news."
"Now, William, I do not think Mr. Bennet could be that bad!"
"Do not depend upon it, Georgiana. Though it might be better this way; the scarring from the burns will be horrendous will it not?" he said the last to Mr. Smythe.
"You are alive, sir. The salve may help the scarring."
"Mr. Smythe may I ask… with burns… is it normal not to be able to move my arm or hand?"
Mr. Smythe performed some further examinations of his hand at least, not wishing to touch the burnt skin. "It seems you have some damage to the nerves of your right arm in addition to the burns. It will take quite a while and much work for you to regain use of your arm and hand. Time will tell if the recovery will be complete or partial. That you can feel pain in the arm is bittersweet--I realize burns are very painful, but it is a good sign for recovery."
William closed his eyes and sighed. "It is not as painful as it probably should be judging by the way it looks."
"You might not be able to understand this, but if the nerve damage is lessening the pain, it is a blessing right now, Mr. Darcy."
"I am very tired." William said.
"We all need to catch up on some sleep as well, cousin. I will ask James to come sit with you."
William's eyes snapped open and he asked, "Before you go, where is my ring?"
Georgiana, Richard, and Mr. Smythe said they did not know.
The maid answered, "Beggin' your pardon, sir, I do. We took it off when you were first brought up." She walked over to a table and retrieved his signet ring.
"Thank you. Georgie, can you put it on my hand, please?"
Georgiana did as she was asked as Richard had James come in. William relaxed against the pillows and fell asleep almost immediately. The remainder of the party left the room.
30 May 1808
Two days had passed and William regained a little strength each day, but his spirits were considerably depressed, even more so on Elizabeth's seventeenth birthday. Both Richard and Georgiana had expected this development, so they had made up a plan for one or the other to stay with William at all times and distract him. Richard entered his chamber as soon as Hughes had informed him that the Master was awake. "Good morning, cousin! Are you feeling any better?"
"Yes, yes… better. Now, please leave me alone!"
"Ah, you must be feeling stronger at least to expend so much energy on being ornery!" Richard quipped.
"I am in no mood for company."
"I know exactly why you are not, and that is precisely why Georgiana and I have conspired against you. We will not leave you alone all day today."
William rolled his eyes. "Just go away, Richard."
"No." Richard hesitated before saying, "I have a confession to make, William. There was something protruding from one of your drawers, and I opened it to place it in correctly. I found the drawings."
"Which drawings?"
Richard walked over to the desk, took out the drawing on top and brought it back to the bed to hand it to William, watching his expression soften when he saw it. "I am assuming they are of Miss Elizabeth."
"Yes."
Silence prevailed for several minutes before Richard asked, "Will you tell me about her?"
"What do you know?"
"You all have written of her several times over the past few years; I think before last year your father wrote of her most of all. He was considerably impressed with her. Georgiana has spoken of her a great deal over the past few days, but it seems there is more I can learn only from you, if you are so inclined. You should know that you did not stop screaming her name while you had a fever."
William, who had not taken his eyes off the sketch since it had been handed to him, looked at his cousin in surprise. "I called for her for three days?!"
Richard nodded.
William closed his eyes for a moment and then said, "My ring is also a sort of locket… with my arm like this I cannot open it. Will you do it for me?"
Richard did as he asked and found a lock of hair set under glass. "Miss Elizabeth's?"
William nodded. He had Richard to bring all the drawings of Elizabeth to his bed and he handed at least one to him for each scene he described as he went on to tell Richard everything he could remember about his time with Elizabeth--or at least everything he cared to share--beginning with the first time they met through the day she left Pemberley. Richard sat in awed amazement. The sketches were like a picture book, some even had the words she had said printed beneath the drawing. Then William explained to Richard what he felt had happened after the Bennets left.
"So, you think Mr. Bennet has something against you personally and is keeping the letters from her in an attempt to have her think Georgiana--and especially you--have abandoned her? I do not understand why!"
"Neither do I, Richard. I think Elizabeth does not even know that Father has died. But Mr. Bennet does, and he has completely disregarded all of the promises he made to Father by not coming directly to Pemberley after he received word of his death. What else could explain it other than that he does not approve of me for his daughter? He was quite willing to do so before his daughter and I fell in love!"
"And now?"
William sighed and with a pained look on his face he said, "I fear that she will begin to believe him now that I have not come to see her for her birthday."
"Why do you not send someone to contact her--tell her what has happened since she has left? I would be happy to make the trip, if you would like. If she cannot make the journey here without her father's permission, at least she would know that you have not abandoned her!"
"I have had the same thoughts over the past two days… but I cannot--will not! She cannot know anything about my injuries, at least not until I have recovered the use of my hand and arm, Richard. I forbid both you and Georgiana to attempt to contact her! I have seen adoration and love when I have looked into her eyes; I refuse to look now only to see pity, sorrow, and disgust in them. She will not know until I am able to hold her in my two arms. We will not even attempt to contact the Bennets again until I can; no more letters at all. Please do not go against my wishes on this, Richard--it would end in disaster."
"If she is as wonderful as your father, your sister, and you have described, then I think you are a fool, William. She would not react in the way that you anticipate."
"I can only say that, though I would hope she would not, I dread the possibility that she would. I will work especially hard to regain the use of my arm, of that you can be certain."
"But William…"
William interrupted, "NO, Richard!"
"I promise I will not attempt to contact her. If I do happen to come across her at some point, I will not tell her anything of you."
"I doubt very much you will ever meet her until I have recovered, and we are either engaged or, more likely, married. She moves in very different circles than your parents do. I will love her forever, Richard, and she has vowed to love me for the rest of her life. All will be well… it will only be a little delayed--and different as well." William thought about the scarring and how he had often longed to hold her bare form against his own and feel her hands explore his skin. That would never happen now--he could not allow it. He could never remove his shirt in her presence for she would be too disgusted by the sight of him. William shuddered at the thought.
When he heard clock in the hall chime eleven bells, his eyes were drawn to the clock on the mantelpiece in his room. "What is she doing right now, Richard? I have a clear image in my mind of Elizabeth sitting by the window in the drawing room at Longbourn--she would be able to see the drive from there. A book lies open on her lap, one she had been attempting to read to distract herself, but she had been unable to tear her eyes from the window, waiting for me to appear." He took a shaky breath. "But I will not appear. What will she think of me, Richard?" William's breathing came in starts as he quelled the tears from spilling from his eyes. "I am tiring again…" he saw Richard's doubt clearly displayed on his face. "Truly, I am in need of a nap. I will have Hughes let you know when I have awakened. Thank you for listening. It was helpful."
25 May 1808
Early one morning in the days leading up to Elizabeth's seventeenth birthday, Mr. Bennet sat alone in his study pondering all that had transpired over recent months. His concern for his favorite daughter had escalated with each passing week of the past eight months as he had watched her sink deeper into melancholy. Although during the past few days Elizabeth had become more animated than he had seen her since they had left Pemberley all those months ago, this behavior actually increased his worry for her.
A knock on the study door interrupted his solitary reflections, and Mr. Bennet sighed and bid the intruder to enter. He was relieved to see Jane step into the room, for he had been thinking of speaking to her about Elizabeth, and this happenstance decided it for him.
"Good morning, Papa. May I speak to you?"
"Of course, Jane, come in and have a seat."
She closed the door firmly behind her and sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Papa, I am afraid for Lizzy. Though she has attempted to behave normally and conceal her feelings over the past few months…" Looking off to her left, Jane's expression changed to one of confusion and then concern "Papa? It seems that our authoress is having terrible difficulties writing this scene because there are four children in the next room screaming with glee while playing upon… I believe it is called a Wii."
"I am afraid her dilemma is quite obvious to me, Jane. There is more noise now than your sisters make at Longbourn on the day of a ball! It is such a shame! Perhaps Wendi needs some brownies?"
"I do not think even brownies could help this. Oh! Now the children are disagreeing. Poor dears." Jane shook her head.
"Do you see there?" Mr. Bennet pointed a bit off to the right, "Wendi is attempting to keep her temper in check and allow the children to work it out themselves. That must be a difficult thing to do! She should follow my example--I simply close the door to the study when this happens with your sisters."
"Oh, my! Now the excitement is causing Coco the guinea pig to squeal quite loudly! Perhaps our dear authoress should intervene after all?"
"Hmmm… Jane, I do agree that it is time. Ah – the children have arrived at their own solution just now! See what a little patience can accomplish?"
"It also causes Wendi's blood pressure to rise to alarming levels!" Jane's worried expression deepened.
"Perhaps it is time for the brownies now, Jane, though it might be better if she waits until the guest leaves? If not she may need to have some now and then again later! That would not do well for her health, I fear!"
Jane startled at hearing several noises. "My goodness, Papa! You do know what consuming beans does to your constitution!"
"No, dear, those noises did not come from me! Do you not hear the laughter?"
"Do you mean those innocent children are emitting those rather disgusting noises on purpose?" Turning in the authoress' direction, Jane called out quite loudly, "Oh, Wendi!?" then nodding to her father she said, "Ahhh… there she goes to put an end to that display!"
Mr. Bennet sighed in relief, "And now with a little gentle urging the children have removed themselves from the house. Perhaps we can return to our previous conversation?"
Jane's confusion was apparent. "I am uncertain of what we were speaking."
"You entered. I had just told you to have a seat, and then you stated that you were concerned about Lizzy."
"Oh, yes. Thank you for the reminder, Papa. I was just about to explain why I am worried about my sister, but anything Wendi thinks I might say next sounds rather artificial," Jane said.
"Perhaps if Wendi cannot edit this scene to her satisfaction, Gayle (scmema), Robin (robinhelm) and Jess (Jessy16) can be of assistance? They are always so very helpful and have already done wonders to correct problems with our story, especially with Regency word choices, grammar and punctuation!"
"Perhaps…" Jane whispered, but looked doubtful that the words she was about to say could possibly be saved even with a great deal of intervention. "But for now, it might be better if she forgets about this scene and comes back to it later!"
And so your dear authoress presses "save" and goes in search of those brownies.