I don't disagree with any of your points rally.
I do think that there are works out there where he is called out although I cannot remember which they are.
It is, I also think, a measure of the confidence, misplaced I concede, that he holds in his opinion that he does not disclose to Bingley his machinations until after they return to Hertfordshire some 5 months later. We are not privy to his thoughts but I suspect that he believed that Elizabeth's partiality for his sister biased her opinion and that, despite his words, he thought she saw more than was there. Otherwise, he would not have relied on his opinion being changed when he saw the Bingley-Jane interaction when Bingley returned to Longbourn.
I am not trying to find excuses for Darcy. After all, JA did not ever explain his reasoning and we are left to suppositions and guesswork - which only makes the exercise more interesting. And also provides opportunities for aspiring writerrs to rework the plot.