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Jane Austen and the Seven Deadly Sins

April 17, 2021 03:00PM
The story of Snow White retold from the pages of Jane Austen's works, with a challenge to incorporate alternative or rare point of view characters. I also aim for the soul of wit: brevity (results may vary). Also posted on my blog, FanFiction.net, and AO3.

Pride (Persuasion)


The king soon married another wife, who became queen, and was very beautiful, but so vain that she could not bear to think that anyone could be handsomer than she was.

"The late Mrs. William Elliot was a mean, coarse woman who could only have entrapped my cousin by offering him ready money, a common temptation for young men. I am sure he has got that out of his system now, and will act responsibly as soon as mourning may be put off." Here Miss Elliot glanced at her companion with expectation, prompting Mrs. Clay to agree by rote:

"I am sure! He must realize you are quite the fairest lady in Bath at this time."

"At any time."

"Oh of course, that is what I meant." Whether or not the latter statement was true, it satisfied Miss Elliot enough to continue in speculations regarding the future, leaving her dear friend free to contemplate a few ideas of her own.

Envy (Lesley Castle)


Then the glass one day answered the queen, when she went to look in it as usual: "Thou, queen, art fair, and beauteous to see, but Snow White is lovelier far than thee!"

Susan had not wed Sir George in a fit of romance; his house in town and place in the country were more attractive than his person, even if that seat were in the remotest part of Scotland imaginable. Despite these careful calculations, the new Lady Lesley was unprepared for her marriage's effect on her brother, whose preoccupation with her stepdaughters (and fascination for one in particular) had passed from absurd to alarming.

"And which of them do you think loveliest?" she asked with assumed complacency, daring him to admit his feelings when they were alone.

William did not even attempt evasion. "Though they are both handsome, I must give Miss Lesley her due as eldest. I think even you must concede she is the most beautiful girl in the country."

It was painful to reflect that even were she to deny it, Susan's place in her brother's heart would still be supplanted: she could never be thought a pretty girl again.

Wrath (Sense and Sensibility)


When she heard this she turned pale with rage, and called to one of her servants, and said, "Take Snow White away into the wide wood, that I may never see her any more."

Bess thought at first there must be a mouse in the parlour; she had just finished laying out the tea service, and was returning to the kitchen, when Mrs. Dashwood's shouts brought her running back. She found a different creature entirely, as the lady of the house towered over her guest like some storytale witch. "Charlatan! To take advantage of our generosity, and plot all this time against our family: have you no shame?"

In answer the trembling Miss Steele dropped her dainty cup, bringing even further abuse down upon her. At least Bess could hide behind tidying up, though she wished she might turn invisible or at least deaf. Instead she was forced to hear every shriek and insult, even as she made for the safety of the door. "Get your things and be gone at once, you and that false chit of a sister!"

A sudden gasp was all the warning Bess received ere the very girl fell into her arms and drew the unwanted gaze of every eye. She prayed as never before, terrified. It was a right proper fit Mrs. Dashwood was in, and if she could toss out two smart things like the Miss Steeles so easily, who at all was safe?

Sloth (Pride and Prejudice)


The man felt as if a great weight were taken off his heart when he had made up his mind not to kill her but to leave her to her fate, with the chance of someone finding and saving her.

Mr. Hurst noticed a great deal more than people gave him credit for, a state of affairs he was happy to maintain. For example, he learned Miss Bennet was in town at nearly the same time his own wife did; as she did not mention it, he forbore broaching the subject. He observed the efforts to keep their brother ignorant of this fact without much interest, though he took a vindictive satisfaction in seeing a prig like Darcy party to the intrigue. It might serve the fellow right to fall into Caroline's grasp.

For really, Mr. Hurst liked Miss Bennet, or at least did not dislike her. She was decent company at table whether sitting to veal or cards, and further knew how to keep her tongue. Bingley might do worse.

Still, didn't do to get involved. "We are not at home," he told the servant when asked, and went back to his host's port without a qualm. Someone or other would eventually marry a pretty girl like her.

Greed (Northanger Abbey)


Now there were seven little dwarfs that dug and searched for gold; and they pitied her, and said if she would keep all things in order, she might stay and they would take good care of her.


Northanger Abbey.

You will observe by my address that we are no longer in Bath. I congratulate you on escaping the trip yourself: it is a place of tedium, and only distinguished from Sodom by claiming perhaps seven men of repute rather than one (I need hardly mention your Worthy Person would have evened the number handsomely). Only two saving graces made our sojourn at all satisfying. In the first place, my benevolence so early in the year forbids any further expectation of indulgence for the remainder of it.

The other is a most advantageous connection come to enliven our family party. Miss Morland is the particular Friend of Mr. Allen, a wealthy gentleman of Wiltshire who—having no children—must bestow his largesse on his god-daughter. This young Lady is quite attached to Miss Tilney and, I will be bold enough to say, not displeased with the attentions of my son Henry. I trust my judicious Hints in that direction may yield a proper reward; your Lordship will agree that strategy and determined industry are called for where future interest is at stake.

In that vein, I am all eagerness to hear how your recent Indian speculation carried out. There is a great deal of sordid talk about gold and gems to be found in that country, but I would not deign to repeat idle gossip to one who must have better intelligence than the pitiful society of Bath may aspire to obtain.

I remain, &c., &c,


Gluttony (Sandition)


Then Snow White was much tempted to taste, for the apple looked so very nice; but she had scarcely put the piece into her mouth, when she fell down dead upon the ground.

Mrs. Parker, through the associations brought on by her marriage, had become quite the adept at understanding illnesses. She knew her husband could not comfortably walk so long as his family fretted over his healing foot; therefore, she took it on herself to introduce their guest to Lady Denham.

Miss Heywood appeared as ignorant of general ailments as Mrs. Parker had been at her age, to judge by her reactions to Sandition House. Setting the example as much for this girl as her own daughter, the latter woman patiently bore with their host's distress, sitting properly erect and attentive, now and then covering an awkward moment with a soft inquiry. When Miss Brereton abruptly burst into the room, Mrs. Parker took leave to ask "if she ought not take some refreshment, she looked so flushed."

Lady Denham seized on the suggestion, ordering what should have been done for her newer guests only to preserve the more established, but this tardiness in no way diminished her generosity. Even little Mary was too preoccupied by the mound of fruit to fidget. All was easy until Lady Denham remarked over a preserve, "You will have to show me the path you walk some day or other Miss Clara: how a healthy young thing like yourself can take such a prodigious long time traversing so short a distance, getting red in the face along a shady path, is quite the mystery."

Miss Brereton relapsed quicker than Mrs. Parker could concoct a remedy, coughing and turning crimson as the apple which strangled her reply.

Lust (Emma)


At last a prince came and besought the dwarfs to let him take her away; but the moment he lifted her coffin the piece of apple fell from between her lips, and Snow White awoke.

At the very moment everything should be going right, it was instead falling apart. "Perhaps," Frank Churchill briefly admitted as he hastened to Highbury, "I deserve it." For when he finally had permission to marry as he wished, she must be courted who he had scarcely had a doubt of before.

Of course there had been misunderstandings (that stupid letter unsent! her caution! his blunder!) "But still, she ought to have had more more faith," he consoled himself when approaching the little house. After all, it was not as if she were the only one to suffer.

All his self-absorption was not entirely lost when he entered the Bates' drawing room and observed how pale and ill his dear Jane looked. Rather, it was redirected, and gave him the the words to humble himself long enough to gain his object: to rescue her, and become the true knight errant at last.

The Wages of Sin (Lady Susan)


And when the Queen saw that it was no other than Snow White, who, as she thought, had been dead a long while, she choked with rage, and fell down and died.

Little Catherine and Frederic Vernon were impatient to celebrate the nuptials of their beloved uncle and cousin, however woefully it began for them: scrubbed to a ruby sheen, pressed into new stiff clothes, and forced to sit an interminable length of time under the stern gaze of their nursemaid. Happily, their release from church resulted in feasting to their heart's content, then escaping supervision long enough to spy on the other guests.

"It is her, see, Aunt Vernon is right there!" Frederic pointed at the fine lady.

"But she is Aunt Martin now," Catherine corrected. "That is our new uncle with her, Sir James."

They observed this odd couple with open wonder, rather like a faded old painting, in stark contrast to the wonderful glow cast by their newlywed counterpart.

"Cook said she hoped Aunt Martin choked on her own spite," the boy pronounced, and was immediately scolded by his sister.

"That is nonsense! Even Papa says Lady Susan is always pleased with herself. See, she is laughing. But," she admitted with equal boldness, and the superiority of a year's greater understanding, "I am sure she can not like that our cousin got to wear our grandmother's jewels today, because her's are not as big."

Neither was old enough to understand that however many admired the lady's sangfroid in the face of her daughter's marriage, few spoke to her, and none for any duration. But the children were agreed that she could not be altogether happy. After all, despite the ample amount of cake, who could stand to endure a wedding twice?

Jane Austen and the Seven Deadly Sins

MichelleRWApril 17, 2021 03:00PM

Re: Jane Austen and the Seven Deadly Sins

Shannon KApril 18, 2021 04:11AM

Re: Jane Austen and the Seven Deadly Sins

MichelleRWApril 18, 2021 08:45PM

Re: Jane Austen and the Seven Deadly Sins

NN SApril 17, 2021 09:07PM

Re: Jane Austen and the Seven Deadly Sins

MichelleRWApril 18, 2021 08:43PM

Re: Jane Austen and the Seven Deadly Sins

Lucy J.April 29, 2021 04:51AM

Re: Jane Austen and the Seven Deadly Sins

MichelleRWMay 01, 2021 01:48AM


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