Boooots (JaGoHoNo 2024)

Boooots (JaOctGoHoNo 2024 )

Blurb: Elizabeth Bennet is enchanted with outdoor rambles and needs new half boots. She finds an interesting way to obtain them.

Elizabeth Bennet was so very enamored with the outdoors and walking; you might even say that she was enchanted by her outdoor rambles. She loved viewing nature and enjoyed being part of it which walking afforded her the opportunity to do so. Unfortunately, her half boots were not in good shape and their poor condition greatly affected her ability to enjoy the outdoors. The soles of her half boots were perilously thin, so thin that she could feel every pebble or leaf that she walked over. In addition to thin soles her half boots were coming apart at the seams, preventing her from walking properly.

Elizabeth had asked her father if she could buy new half boots, but his reply was the expected answer of “No, Lizzy, not until March.” With five daughters to buy boots for, and with a yearly budget for the entire estate of slightly less than 1,000 pounds, he was most strict concerning expenditures. If Elizabeth got a new pair of boots, then all his daughters would get a new pair as well. Unfortunately, it was almost October and March was ever so far away.

Elizabeth decided to take her savings of two shillings into town to see if the local shoemaker could repair her boots. She was hoping that her two shillings would be enough. Elizabeth walked, as best she could, into town with Lydia and Kitty. Her younger sisters went to the general store to look at ribbons and lace while Elizabeth went to see the shoemaker, Mr. Smythe. The sisters agreed to meet up on the bench near the general store in about a half hour. Mr. Smythe informed Elizabeth that her boots were too far gone and unrepairable. She would indeed need a new pair. Elizabeth was distraught. She left the shoemaker’s establishment to await her sisters on the public bench.

While she was waiting, a short, small-framed elderly man came and sat on the bench. He introduced himself as Ignatius Marcellus Parsons and Elizabeth introduced herself as well. They continued having a nice conversation and Ignatius was pleasantly gratified as most ladies shunned him as he was short and considered ugly. Ignatius looked over at her and inquired about the reason for her downcast look when he first came upon her. She told him all about her unsalvageable boots. Ignatius explained that he had the skills of a cobbler and could make her a new pair of boots. Elizabeth told him that she could not afford more than two shillings for boots. Ignatius said all that he would request in return for new boots was a lock of hair and a return of the boots if the need arose. Elizabeth thought this was an odd request from a somewhat odd little man, but she felt desperate to have functional boots. They agreed to meet in one week at the same bench at 2pm. Elizabeth told Ignatius that she enjoyed meeting and talking with him and Ignatius replied with “enchanté.”

Elizabeth was somewhat unsettled at giving an unknown gentleman such a personal gift as a lock of hair. A lock of hair was usually given out of love and esteem. Elizabeth was determined to find a way to fulfill his request in order to get the much needed boots. She knew that she would just have to find a way to honor the deal that they made. They met at 2pm a week later. Elizabeth took out of her reticule the lock of hair wrapped in a cloth and Ignatius handed her two spectacular boots. She quickly stuffed the boots into her reticule. After thanking Ignatius, Elizabeth hurried off to Oakham Mount and quickly divested herself of her worn out boots and tried on the new ones. They were the softest and most comeliest boots she had ever seen, and they fit her perfectly. As she walked, she felt like she walked faster, when she jumped, she was able to jump up two feet in the air and she could pluck an apple from a tree. She raced home but stopped just short of entering the grounds. She quickly muddied up the new boots so no one would suspect that they were new.


For the last few weeks, Elizabeth was very much enjoying her new boots. She could race about the countryside and not get weary. She felt energized when she walked about wearing the new boots. They remained soft even after she walked through puddles or mud. It was like these boots were magical. No matter how much she dirtied them up, when she retrieved them the next day from her closet, they looked brand new, and they were clean!

Ignatius returned to his “employer”. He reported to his employer that he had made contact and inroads with one of the members of the Bennet family residing at Longbourn. His employer was pleased, almost too pleased. This made Ignatius rethink his loyalty to his employer. He decided that he needed to prepare to shield Elizabeth Bennet. He found his employer to be self-centered, hard-hearted and mean whereas Elizabeth was gentle and kind. He started to make an elixir from the hair he received from Elizabeth. He then made the elixir into a liqueur.

A couple of weeks after Netherfield was let, Ignatius returned to Meryton. He disguised himself as a servant and called on Netherfield. He wrote a note to Mr. Bingley and purposely smudged the signature so it would be unreadable. The note welcomed Mr. Bingley to the neighborhood and asked him to accept the accompanying liqueur as a welcome gift. Ignatius dropped it off with the maid. Bingley was happy to be so welcomed even if he could not read the signature of the giver. The liqueur was in a very small bottle but being Bingley, he shared it with Hurst and Darcy. They each had about a swallow of the delicious tasting liquid as they prepared for the local assembly.

The Bennet ladies were also preparing for the assembly. Elizabeth had just come in from a short walk in the garden. As she tried to take off her boots, she found that they were stuck on her feet. No matter how hard she pulled, they stayed on tight. Worrying that she would be late for the assembly, Elizabeth left her boots on her feet and proceeded to get dressed. She pulled the skirt of her dress down low to hide her boots.

Elizabeth and her sisters and mother arrived at the assembly. Sir Lucas brought over the three gentlemen from Netherfield to meet Mrs. Bennet and her daughters. Upon the introduction, Mr. Bingley asked Mrs. Bennet to dance the first set with him. Mrs. Bennet at first was going to decline, however, she reasoned that it would be a good opportunity to forward one of her daughters to the gentleman, so she accepted. Then Mr. Darcy asked for the second set, and Mr. Hurst for the third set. Mrs. Bennet was delighted to be able to have the gentlemen’s attention and hopefully she would be able to direct that attention toward her daughters.

Mrs. Bennet took full advantage of her dances with Mr. Bingley. She found out that his income was 5,000 pounds a year and he was letting the Netherfield estate with an option to buy it and the funds to purchase an estate were separate from his income. She also found out that his parents were deceased, and she figured that he either wanted to dance with her out of a longing for motherly attention or to ingratiate himself with her so he could pursue one of her daughters. She asked him for a favor at the end of their set, and he readily agreed. She explained that the gentlemen were scarce that evening and requested that he ask her daughter Jane to dance.

Mrs. Bennet, albeit a bit winded, was up for her dances with Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. She found out that he too had no living parents and was the master of Pemberley, his family estate. She also discovered that he was worth 18 to 20 thousand pounds a year. When she heard this her eyes just about popped out. She started to mull things over. She could not forward Jane in Mr. Darcy’s direction as she did not want to cause strife between him and Mr. Bingley. Mrs. Bennet always referred to anyone named William as Billy. So, she started to think, “You need a Bennet wife Billy Boy, Billy Boy, you need a Bennet wife charming Billy. Perhaps you would like Mary or Lizzy as she is contrary, but Kitty and Lydia are young things and cannot leave their mother.” Then Mrs. Bennet asked Mr. Darcy for a favor which was to dance with Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy agreed.

Mr. Darcy was enchanted with Elizabeth Bennet. She danced splendidly and was so light on her feet. She was the most spectacular woman he had ever partnered with. She never missed a step. He was silently thanking Mrs. Bennet for the suggestion of partnering with Elizabeth. He never enjoyed himself so much while dancing! There was even a time when the steps called for Elizabeth to do a slight twirl. When she did so, the hem of her skirt went up an inch or two and he happened to notice that she was wearing walking boots! Walking boots at an assembly dance? It was not to be borne! He would not approve of his sister wearing walking boots for dancing; however, they seemed to suit Miss Elizabeth and complemented her exquisite dancing and witty banter. He was very much captivated by Elizabeth Bennet.

Now it was time for Mrs. Bennet’s dances with Mr. Hurst. She quickly found out that he was married! Well, that put a stop to her plans to pair him with Mary. She had no interest in finding out more about him. So, she asked him if they could sit out the next dance in favor of refreshments. Mr. Hurst enthusiastically consented. And they had a most agreeable time discussing menus and recipes. Mrs. Bennet made a mental note that in the future she should invite the Netherfield party for dinner.

Unbeknownst to anyone, several weeks ago, Elizabeth had helped her mother with an updo hairstyle. While doing so she took out scissors and snipped a piece of her mother’s hair and wrapped it in a cloth to give to Mr. Parsons. It turned out that it was Mrs. Bennet’s hair that he used to make the liqueur for Mr. Bingley. The gentlemen who inhabited Netherfield were a bit befuddled as to why they all had asked Mrs. Bennet to dance. However, they all seemed to have enjoyed themselves and their subsequent dance partners. Bingley thought Jane was an angel, Darcy could not get Elizabeth out of his mind and thoughts, and Mr. Hurst was eagerly awaiting a time to sample the dishes that Mrs. Bennet had mentioned.

Ignatius Marcellus Parsons had also been at the assembly. He snuck around in the shadows so that he almost appeared to be invisible. He had watched Mr. Bingley, and his two friends fawn over Mrs. Bennet. He surmised that Elizabeth had given him a lock of her mother’s hair instead of one of her own and that the gentlemen had split the cordial that he had made. Well, to be fair, he had asked Elizabeth for a lock of hair but not specifically for a lock of her own hair. He would have to think of another way to help her. He had hoped that Mr. Bingley would have drunk the whole bottle and be enamored with Elizabeth for a very long time. Having a wealthy suitor could potentially spare Elizabeth harm from his employer. Splitting up the bottle though would cause the enchantment to wane in about twelve hours.

Shortly after the assembly, Mr. William Collins came to visit. He was to inherit Longbourn as he was a distant cousin, and the estate was entailed to the male line and Mr. Bennet had no sons. He did not stay at Longbourn, but he took the full opportunity to size up the estate and its assets. Mrs. Bennet was overjoyed to meet him and thought, “You need a Bennet wife Billy Boy, Billy Boy, you need a Bennet wife charming Billy; I have a daughter that I think will do and Mary is nothing to eschew, but Kitty and Lydia are young things and cannot leave their mother.” To her dismay, Mr. Collins did not seem interested in getting married.

Mr. Collins met with the imp (Ignatius Marcellus Parsons) who was his “employee.” Mr. Collins opined, “I have long borne the struggles of not having an estate.” He wanted a quick resolution to his estate less existence. Mr. Collins knew that an alive Mr. Bennet was the only impediment to him being the owner of Longbourn. Mr. Collins had won the imp in a game of chance and for all intents and purposes he owned him. Mr. Collins ordered the imp to kill Mr. Bennet. The imp reminded him that according to the “contract” that he could not take a human life unless he or another was threatened with imminent death. Mr. Collins got red in the face. “Well then, I will have to do it myself!” He shouted. He then ordered the imp to leave him immediately.

Ignatius, (the imp) went to see Elizabeth and told her that he would need the boots back. She nodded and told him she understood as it was part of their agreement. She had recognized that the boots had a somewhat magical quality and thanked him for the great honor to have had them. He told her that he would be able to repair her old boots in a single day if she would like to exchange her mended old boots for her current new boots. Elizabeth thought it was an agreeable scheme and they made the trade the next day.

Mr. Collins had persuaded Mr. Bennet to take him fishing at the pond. The imp secretly followed them, and he was wearing the enchanted boots that he had made for Elizabeth as they happened to wear the exact same size! The imp hid in the bushes. As Mr. Bennet and Mr. Collins were sitting with their lines in the water, Mr. Collins rose and said he had to go retrieve his scarf from his tackle box as he was getting cold. Mr. Bennet nodded but continued to fish. Instead of getting a scarf, Mr. Collins picked up a rock and weakly struck Mr. Bennet in the back of the head. Mr. Bennet fell over and passed out; however, he was still breathing. Mr. Collins planned to throw Mr. Bennet in the pond and hold his head under the water until he drowned, making it look like an accidental drowning. At that point Mr. Collins would achieve his goal and become the owner and master of Longbourn. However, the imp had a thick branch in his hand. He crept up behind Mr. Collins who was struggling to lift Mr. Bennet. With a swift blow the imp felled Mr. Collins and Mr. Collins lay prostrate on the ground moaning.

The imp was still wearing the enchanted boots that he had made for Elizabeth. He muttered, “Are you ready boots? Start walking”. As he made his way toward Mr. Collins, the imp softly sang, “These boots are made for walking and that’s just what they’ll do, one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you!” Suffice it to say that it was extensive walking that led to the demise of Mr. Collins.


Credits: “Billy Boy” – English folk song
“These Boots Are Made for Walkin” – Lyricist: Lee Hazlewood, Performer: Nancy Sinatra