Introduction to Part III: So Jane and Frank returned to the U.S. and resumed their relationship. However, the reasons for the tensions between them were never fully resolved, and blew up during the evening of the 23rd of July 2014. That evening they, along with many others, attended the grand opening of an upscale farm-to-table restaurant, Boxx in the Hills (as in Beverly Hills). Two days before this event, Frank and Jane had a huge fight, and the night of the event, Jane broke up with him, this time for good.
During the Boxx restaurant opening, Jane had a conversation in the ladies' room with a woman named Caroline Lee-Elton, who attended the event that night with her husband, California State Senator James Elton. Caroline has an interesting story: two years earlier, she had spent the summer with her brother, Bing Lee, and his best friend, William Darcy, in a small California town called Meryton where the two men fell in love with a pair of sisters. Since that time, Caroline had returned home to Los Angeles. In the past year, she had met and married her politician husband—who had previously been in love with Jane's old nemesis Emma Woodhouse.
For reasons Jane didn't understand, Caroline aspired to be very useful to Jane Fairfax. Not that Jane wanted or needed her help... until the day that she did. And that is where Part III of this story begins...
Chapter 18
Jane: I'm taking that position that Caroline found for me.
Emma: What?! You don't want that!
Jane: You have no idea what I want! You don't know me!
Emma Approved, ep. 64
29 July 2014, Los Angeles, California
On Tuesday morning, for the first time in nearly a week, getting out of bed wasn't difficult for Jane.
For the last five days she had woken up in misery, her heart aching with a pain that felt endless. More than anything Jane wanted to recapture the anger she had felt after the Boxx event, the anger that had given her the strength to quit her job at Emma Approved and to tell Frank she never wanted to see him again. But once her adrenaline died down, she was left with only the crushing pain of betrayal, and the shame of knowing that she had allowed it to happen by compromising her principles.
Well, no more. Today was a new day, a chance at a new start, and she had a job interview to get to.
After showering and dressing quickly, Jane walked outside to her car, a 2014 Prius. When she had handed Frank back the sapphire and diamond earrings and some of the other gifts he'd given her, she told him, "I'm keeping the damn car."
His face momentarily had flinched in pain when she gave him the jewelry, but his furious glare returned when she mentioned the car. The jewelry had been gifts of his love, but the Prius merely a token of his jealousy, since Frank had hated the fact that she carpooled to work with Alex every day. She needed a car in L.A., and she wasn't about to give up a hybrid that was fully paid for. If keeping the car made her a whore, so what? It was no worse than the many other ways she had cheapened herself with Frank already.
She was meeting her friend Caroline Lee-Elton at a downtown Starbucks. She smiled to herself, realizing that in the last week, she had started to think of Caroline as a friend. For months Caroline had been pushing for a friendship between them, something Jane couldn't understand since the two women shared nothing in common other than that they were both vegan. Even that was a tenuous connection since she suspected that Caroline had adopted the diet as a fad, rather than as something she was committed to long-term.
Not long after Jane first met Caroline upon her return to L.A., the woman had started calling her and inviting her out for shopping trips, meals, and spa dates. Jane had resisted at first, but Caroline was relentless. Jane soon realized that Caroline was of "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" school of thought, and had recognized in Jane's tension something else they shared in common: neither of them liked Emma Woodhouse. It was ironic, then, that Caroline and Emma should be so much alike, even down to Caroline wanting to transform Jane into Caroline 2.0. Since Jane had successfully stood up to Emma's pressure when she was fourteen, she for damned sure wasn't going to allow Caroline to do that to her at age 27.
Something changed in the last week, however. The night of the Boxx restaurant opening, Jane was headed to the ladies' room, struggling to keep it together long enough to escape the crowds. Caroline had noticed and followed behind her, stopping only to smile for a photographer's camera just outside the door. Once inside the restroom, despite the other woman's presence, Jane could hold back no longer. She placed her wine glass down on the sink counter and burst into tears.
To her surprise, Caroline hadn't mocked her. Instead, she'd put her arms around Jane and let her cry. It helped; Jane was able to calm herself, and accepted the cloth hand towel Caroline had handed her to dry her face.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Caroline had asked.
Jane shook her head.
"Let me guess: this has something to do with Emma Woodhouse?"
Jane nodded.
"You know, I always thought it was fitting that her initials spell, 'Ew.'"
Jane couldn't help it; even in her misery, that made her laugh.
"Don't let Emma get to you. She's not worth it, and you're worth so much more."
Jane turned and stared at Caroline. Sarah had said something very similar to her after her first date with Frank. She felt a sharp pang, realizing how acutely she missed her best friend, and wondered whether the woman standing in front of her, shallow and vain as Jane had always thought her, might be someone who could offer her the friendship she so desperately craved right now.
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up and put your makeup back on, so you can go back out there and hold your head high like the phenomenal woman I know you are."
"Thank you," Jane said quietly.
Caroline smiled. "Anytime, girlfriend."
Caroline was about to become even more helpful to Jane. When Jane began job hunting a few months earlier, Caroline had repeatedly encouraged her to contact her brother, who had established a charitable organization in New York City. Jane had refused. She had just returned from London and didn't want to relocate again so soon, and was very happy living once more with her aunt and grandmother.
What a difference a few months and a painful breakup could make. Jane wanted nothing more right now than to get the hell out of L.A., so New York City sounded pretty good. And she was in luck. Caroline's brother and his fiancée were in town on vacation, and Caroline had arranged for him to interview Jane.
Caroline was already waiting inside the Starbucks, waving warmly to Jane when she entered and approached her table. She stood up and air-kissed Jane's cheek, and then turned to introduce the man and woman with her. "This is my brother Bing Lee, and his fiancée, Jane Bennet. And this is my dear friend, Jane Fairfax."
Bing rose and shook her hand, while his fiancée smiled and told her how pleased she was to meet another Jane. Jane smiled back at the couple, struck by how much they looked alike. Objectively, of course, that wasn't true at all. Bing was a tall Asian man, while his bride-to-be was a petite, pretty redhead. But both of them wore the same open, guileless expressions, so different from Caroline's practiced look of jaded sophistication. Jane liked them already, and was fairly certain they were a perfect couple akin to Sarah and Peter.
"I bought you a chai latte with soy milk," Caroline pointed to the tall cup on the table. "I hope you like it."
"Oh yes, thank you," Jane said, genuinely appreciative.
"We'll be going now so you two can talk." Caroline and the other Jane stood up.
"I hope to have the chance to see you again and get to know you," the other Jane added. Jane Fairfax could tell she meant it. Bing kissed his fiancée goodbye and waved to his sister, who bent down and whispered something in his ear just before departing.
"So," Bing said once they were settled again, "tell me about yourself."
Jane described her master's degree in social policy from Oxford, her summers spent in developing countries, her work with Sustainable London, and her musical volunteerism with children in Hackney. Bing then told her about the nonprofit he had founded, called "You Can Imagine."
"I believe very deeply that children and youth need opportunities to imagine all the different things they can become and do with their lives. A lot of kids, especially if they're lower-income, don't have those opportunities. So we provide school day field trips, after school programs, and summer camps in which they can explore and learn just about anything: science, technology, the performing arts, politics, sports, you name it."
"I love the idea," Jane said. "I know how many doors music opened for me. Playing at Carnegie Hall in high school made me realize that if I could do that, I could do anything."
"Exactly!" Bing agreed. "That's the kind of 'aha!' moment we're trying to help kids have."
Jane smiled and described the opportunities she had had to help young people like Daniel find that moment.
"Now," said Bing after several more of the typical interview queries and giving Jane a time to ask a few of her own, "I have a very important question to ask you, and it's one I ask of everyone I interview. Jane Fairfax, what is your dream?"
His question momentarily arrested her. She had thought she had known what her dreams were back in London, but these last four months in Los Angeles had made everything cloudy for her.
"You don't have to answer right away. But let me tell you why I ask. I mentioned that lower-income kids don't have many chances to find their passions. However, I think that's true to some degree for all kids. I grew up in a wealthy family, and it was expected of me that I'd pursue a career in business or law or medicine, or something else where I'd earn a lot of money. I never questioned that until I was in the middle of medical school and absolutely hating it. I had to step away, drop out of medical school, and face my family's anger for that decision in order to discover what my true passion is, which is helping kids."
"Wow," Jane said softly.
"I decided that if our staff aren't living out their dreams, then we can't help the youth we serve live out theirs. You have a terrific résumé and I think you'd be a real asset to our organization, but I don't want you to say yes unless you're sure that this type of work with young people is really your dream."
She didn't know how to respond. Bing was too sincere, too dedicated to his cause for her to say, "Yes, I want to work for you," when her real motives at the moment were, "Get as far away as I can from my creep of an ex-boyfriend and find a way to sustain myself while I'm at it."
He slid a business card across the table. A cell phone number was handwritten above the business phone number. "I really want you to think about it, Jane. I'd love to have you join us, but I want you to be sure this is what you want. So take some time to consider it, and call me when you make a decision, on my work or cell number."
Jane picked up the card, realizing that she hadn't found an easy escape from her pain. But maybe that was good. She had never been one to run from a challenge, and Bing had just given her a new one: to discover her dreams again. "When do you need an answer?"
"By mid-August. We'll still be here in L.A. until then. It's been a pleasure to talk with you, Jane. Caroline thinks the world of you."
"She does?" Jane said with surprise.
Bing laughed. "I know, it's not always obvious with Caroline. But when she cares about and respects someone, she is loyal to a fault. And she does with you."
Jane nodded, feeling touched. "Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to interview me, and your question about what my dreams are. It is something I really need to think about right now."
Bing stood up and held out his hand to her. She rose and shook it. He pulled out his mobile phone and smiled. "I need to figure out where Caroline and my Jane have wandered off to. Again, it was a pleasure. I look forward to hearing from you."
As she walked back to her car, Jane checked her own mobile to discover that she had received seven voice mails while the phone was on silent mode. Seven voice mails this early in the morning? She tapped the icon to check messages and listened. The first was from Emma, whom she hadn't heard from since last Thursday when she'd told Emma she was quitting. "Jane, I just want you to know that I'm really, really sorry. My treatment of Maddy was terrible, and I figured out that that's what you were so upset about. Anyway, call me so we can talk about it."
Jane deleted the message and stared at her phone, rage building inside her. Emma's behavior toward Maddy was simply the final straw in a long list of hurtful things Emma had done.
The next message began playing. It was Frank, another person she hadn't heard from since Thursday. Despite herself, her heart caught in her throat as she listened to his voice. "Jane, I miss you so much right now, it's killing me. I've decided to sell my shares in Richmond Corporation. If that's the obstacle between you and me, then I'll get rid of it. I love you, and I'll do anything to be with you again."
She had to inhale deeply to maintain some semblance of control. A part of her wanted to call him back immediately, to see him again, to rush into his arms and tell him she loved and missed him, too. But she had to be wise. He had shattered her heart, deliberately. She could never allow him to have that power over her again. She started to delete the message, then stopped. Frank was selling his shares of Richmond Corp? Would he really do that?
Emma again. "Jane, I know sorry is not enough, but I really am sorry. Please call me." Delete again.
Frank again. "Jane, I just did it. The sale is done. Please, please call me."
He had sold his shares? He had really sold them? Well, it was too late. Why hadn't he done that before he'd taken everything she valued most--her commitment to clean water for those most in need, her dream of adopting a child, her family--along with the pain that still lingered from her childhood rivalry with Emma, and used that to rip her heart apart? What kind of person attacked everything vulnerable about the person they claimed to love? It's too late, Frank, she thought, as tears started running down her face.
Emma once more. "Jane, I've called Maddy to apologize, and she's coming in to see me this Thursday. I'd love to see you, too, so I can apologize to you in person." Jane hit delete again, briefly feeling betrayed by her aunt for being willing to meet with Emma. She had to remind herself that that was who Maddy was, a bighearted, forgiving woman who couldn't stay angry at anyone for long.
The next two messages were from Frank. She deleted them without listening to them, and then wiped her face before opening her car door. She would get over this, she would get over him, and as Bing had encouraged her, she would find her dreams again.
"She closed with this offer, resolving to break with me entirely, and wrote the next day to tell me that we never were to meet again. She felt the engagement to be a source of repentance and misery to each: she dissolved it."
Frank Churchill talking about Jane Fairfax in Emma, ch. 50
"I never want to see you again."
The words echoed over and over in Frank's mind as he looked at the email from his broker, confirming that his transaction was complete. He knew there would be heavy repercussions to what he'd just done. He had owned sixteen percent of the shares of Richmond Corporation and served on the board of directors, so this hit would be huge for the company. It was huge for Frank, who, although he had gained twenty-two million on the sale, would soon probably face major losses in his other investments because who would trust him to do business with him after this? But his actions were potentially worse for the rest of the corporation. Other shareholders would no doubt become very nervous about his divestment, probably prompting a massive sell-off that would certainly derail Richmond's plans to expand operations, and might even drive the company into bankruptcy.
"I never want to see you again."
But none of that mattered if it would bring Jane back to him. Other than his mother and grandparents' deaths, he had never experienced anything like the anguish of her telling him their relationship was over. The night she had said it, he had been too angry to listen to what she was trying to tell him, convinced that he was the injured party, that he never would have flirted with Emma like that if Jane hadn't been so unreasonable about the Richmond thing and the secrecy thing. She'd railed about her values and he'd sneered, sick to death of hearing about her values. He was sick of being a martyr, of trying to be a damned saint because of her and her Mother Teresa complex. He wasn't one, and never would be.
"I never want to see you again."
Even in the midst of his harsh words, he had been thunderstruck by her rejection. She couldn't really mean it, right? He had always been able to win her over after an argument, to use charm or passion or humor to draw her back to him. Even after their temporary breakup back in March, their love for one another had been strong enough to bring them back together.
"I never want to see you again."
He still couldn't believe Jane had really uttered those words. He couldn't imagine his life without her. She had come into his life and wrapped herself around his heart, filling him so completely that every fiber of his body and soul cried out for her and ached with missing her.
"I never want to see you again."
He remembered seeing her across a room at a party in London and being awestruck by her beauty. But it wasn't just her looks, since he met plenty of beautiful women in his work and travels. It was also timing: he was open that night to something more than his usual flirtation, driven no doubt by his thirty-first birthday a month earlier and his brother's wedding two weeks prior. He could no longer pretend that he was still on the cusp end of his twenties, and with Ryan settling down, he had started to wonder whether it was time for him to become a little more serious as well.
He had barely had a chance to meet Jane and get her number that night, but he'd found out that she was a former Rhodes scholar, which meant she had to be pretty damned smart. It was more than enough to pique his interest, although unfortunately he was departing for New Zealand the next day.
He had returned two weeks later to have a fantastic date with Jane that turned into a fantastic weekend--and scared the hell out of him. Jane was the whole package: beautiful, brilliant, talented, interesting, fun, caring, and sexy. Was that enough to make him give up his carefree ways and get serious with one woman? A lot of men might respond, "Are you kidding? Hell yes!" but Frank had always been more on the wild side than most people he knew. So he decided that the answer was no. He didn't want to take a chance and give up his freedom for a woman who might not turn out to be worth it.
But he couldn't get what he called her "doe eyes and wonder thighs" out of his head. She had these big silky brown eyes that made him turn to mush whenever she looked at him with love or lust or laughter, and gorgeous legs shaped and honed from running that she made effective use of during other very pleasant activities. Thus when she texted him to ask him out, any objections he had had instantly vanished from his mind. One more date was all it took for him to decide that he wanted to dive head first into a relationship with Jane Fairfax.
"I never want to see you again."
The words pierced him again as he thought about how hard and fast he had fallen in love with Jane once he decided to pursue the relationship. Jane was more than just an amazing woman; she was an amazing human being. He had never met anyone like her, who was so committed to making a difference in the world, and with that and all of her other gifts, still so honest and real and unpretentious.
She made him want to be a better man, and he had tried. Oh, how he had tried, but it seemed that so many of his efforts fell short. He didn't have her mind or heart or talent, but he could use his money and his name to try to help others. Yet Jane found fault with that whenever he tried. Even worse, she thought that his money and name overshadowed the things she was trying to accomplish. They had already agreed to keep their relationship low-key to prevent Jane from becoming tabloid fodder, but after one more instance of him trying to use his money and name to do something he thought was good but blowing it, Jane had asked him to take it a step further. Upon their return to the U.S., she had asked them to keep their relationship a secret altogether.
"I never want to see you again."
Why, oh why, had he agreed to that request? He hated it. Low-key was one thing; outright deception, especially with those close to them, was another. It made him feel cheap, like Jane was ashamed of him, like she was just using him but wasn't proud to be with him. He couldn't get around those feelings, no matter how much he tried to tell himself that she had a point about not wanting his reputation to overshadow the work she was trying to do. Frank grimaced; there was probably some sort of cosmic karma going on here. He had no doubt made someone, probably plural someones, feel cheap and used at some point.
"I never want to see you again."
He picked up his mobile, dialed her number, and left a message about what he had just done with his Richmond shares. Would it make a difference? Would she see that he was willing to sacrifice his wealth and his entire reputation, just for her? Would she care? He didn't know, but he knew that the pain of their separation was killing him, and he'd accept whatever consequences there were just to be with Jane again.
A thought suddenly occurred to him. No doubt the media would wonder why he had made such a rash financial decision, and they would begin to probe his life. And that probe would quickly turn up Jane. In his efforts to prove his love to her, he was screwing everything up for her, yet again. Cosmic karma all right.
"I never want to see you again."
No wonder Jane felt that way. He deserved it.
Such a conclusion could not pass unanswered by Mrs. Weston. She thought well of Frank in almost every respect; and, what was more, she loved him very much, and her defence was, therefore, earnest.
Emma, ch. 48
3 August 2014
Frank was still asleep when his phone rang early on Sunday morning. Stirring grumpily, he answered to hear a booming voice say in an English accent, "What the devil is wrong with you?"
He sighed. "Hi, Dad."
"You blew up one of the most profitable companies you support! And the rumours are that this is because of a woman? What are you thinking?"
Frank was instantly wide awake. He wasn't surprised his dad had heard about him divesting his holdings in Richmond, but somehow the personal side to this story had also reached his ears. Nevertheless, he asked, "What are you talking about?"
He didn't fool Geoffrey Churchill. "You know what I'm talking about! Is this about Henry Woodhouse? Does he have some leverage he used against you in retaliation for getting involved with his daughter?"
"What?" Now Frank really was confused.
"Since you're determined to play ignorant, I'll send you the link. I want you to explain it."
Frank sighed again, and then opened up the browser on his phone to access and read an article about himself that his father had just emailed him. It identified "personal drama" and "troubles in his personal life" as reasons for the Richmond sale. As his dad had suggested, the article implied that Emma Woodhouse was the woman involved in creating the personal drama. The story was accompanied by a photo of him with his arm around Emma at the Boxx restaurant opening on July 23rd. From their cozy pose with one another, it was not surprising that someone had come to that conclusion.
Frank caught his breath, his chest feeling tight. He could see Jane standing near her aunt in the background of the photo. Even as mad at her as he had been that night, he had noticed how beautiful she had looked. He hadn't seen her since then, and she still hadn't responded to any of his messages.
"Well?" his father demanded.
"Dad, rest assured, Henry Woodhouse and I are friends, and I'm not involved with his daughter. This has nothing to do with either of them."
"So what does it have to do with? Explain it to me!"
Frank hesitated. He couldn't say, "The woman I love was furious with me for holding shares in Richmond, so I sold them." His father would never understand that, and would then direct his ire at Jane.
He said instead, "Richmond has been buying up water rights in several African countries, restricting access to clean water for the people who live there. I couldn't in good conscience stay connected to the company anymore."
"If your conscience is bothering you, you donate money! You don't make a reckless business decision because of it!"
Frank swallowed. His father was right, at least as far as Frank had always previously made his business decisions, and he himself was lying. The reason he had just given was Jane's for wanting Frank to divest. His own motivation was solely to try to win Jane back.
He listened to his father berate him a while longer, and finally cut him off. "Look, it's done, and nothing you can say will change that."
His dad's voice suddenly softened. "I'm just worried about you, son. This is going to kill your reputation, and cause who knows how much damage to you financially."
"I know," Frank said slowly. "But like I said, it's done. I can't reverse it."
They ended their conversation soon after, and Frank made another phone call. If all of this was coming out, he knew he needed to talk to Ryan and Annie. He told them he had something to discuss with them, and wasn't surprised when they invited him over for breakfast. Ever since his return to the U.S., they had warmly welcomed him to their household. They never made him feel as though he were intruding on their newlywedded bliss. In fact, they had offered to have him over more often than he had made himself available.
He was nervous, afraid of what they might think and say after his hearing his news. Annie's opinion especially worried him, because in the five months he had gotten to know her, he had come to really respect her. She was a tall, leggy blonde with regal features and a ready smile that lit up her face like sunshine. As Jane had told him, she was really sweet and down to earth. His brother had chosen very well. Frank was embarrassed to think about the fact that he had missed their wedding and had been one of the family members to contribute to Annie feeling less than welcome in the Weston/Churchill clan.
A caterer and host of a food show on local TV, Annie was also a helluva chef. Between her cooking and his brother's cupcakes, Frank always ate well when he visited the Weston home. This morning was no different, as they treated him to a breakfast of eggs Florentine and homemade, fresh from the oven cinnamon rolls.
He made small talk with them while they ate, putting off the inevitable confession. He asked how Annie was feeling four months into her pregnancy. "Much better than I was a few weeks ago," she answered.
"Yeah, she's starting to crave my cupcakes again," Ryan grinned. "I have to bring at least three home to her every night."
"Ohhh!" Annie moaned. "And it's something different every day: red velvet, pumpkin spice, Oreo cookie..."
Frank chuckled. "She's working her way through all your flavors, isn't she?"
"Um-hmm," Ryan nodded, his mouth closed because it was now full of food.
Annie turned to Frank, a look of concern on her face. "You said you had something you wanted to talk to us about."
Frank exhaled, knowing he could put it off no longer. He pulled out his mobile, called up the article, and passed it across the table to her. "Dad sent this to me this morning."
"What is it?" Ryan asked. Annie moved the phone over so they could both see it. They looked up and stared at him when they finished reading.
"This is a big deal," Ryan said. "You owned a huge chunk of that company, didn't you?"
Frank nodded. "Sixteen percent."
Ryan whistled.
"What did they mean about personal troubles? Is this about Emma?" Annie said.
"Not exactly."
They waited for him to elaborate, and when he didn't, Ryan said, "So do you want to say what this is exactly about?"
Frank looked down at his plate. "Richmond Corp was doing some pretty unethical things, and Jane was very unhappy about it. It was causing a lot of tension between us. Actually, that's an understatement. She broke up with me over it. I thought that selling my shares would bring her back to me."
"What are you talking about?" Ryan said.
"Jane who? Fairfax?" Annie asked. Frank nodded.
Ryan turned to his wife. "Who is Jane Fairfax?"
"She works with Emma," Annie answered. "Frank, are you telling us that you and Jane were dating? Since when?"
"Since last December."
"Last DECEMBER?" Annie and Ryan exclaimed together.
"Why are we just now hearing about this?" Ryan asked.
Frank sighed wearily. "It's a really long story."
Annie reached out and placed a hand on his arm. "We're here to listen."
Frank began to tell them the whole story of his relationship with Jane, ending with the fight they had had two days before the Boxx opening. He didn't go any further; he didn't even want to think about what he had done after that.
"Why would Jane ask you to keep your relationship a secret?" Ryan said. "I don't get it."
"I do," Annie said. Both men turned to look at her. "It can be really hard," she said slowly, "when you don't come from a lot of money, to be with a man who does. If you're trying to establish yourself, there are others who will always question whether you got there on your own, or because of him. And they'll think all kinds of terrible things about you because of it."
She placed her hand on Ryan's shoulder. "That's why I said no when you said you could set up a meeting for me with an Executive Producer of the Food Channel. I'll stick with local TV for now until I can open those doors myself."
"But you never hid our relationship, babe."
"No, but I almost canceled our wedding because I thought your family thought I was a gold-digger."
Ryan looked stunned. "You almost canceled our wedding? Why?"
"Should I leave the room?" Frank asked.
"No, stay," Annie insisted. "None of your family was coming, Ryan. What was I supposed to think?"
"That they were maybe a bit selfish, but not that it was about you!"
"If it was about me, they would have come, wouldn't they?"
"I'm sorry, Annie--" Frank began.
She held up her hand. "You've apologized before. I'm over it, okay? I'm just saying I can relate to Jane here."
"You mean you knew Annie wanted to cancel?" Ryan asked Frank.
Frank nodded. "That's why Emma sent the fake gift from me." He recalled the very awkward phone conversation he'd had with Ryan and Annie not long before Christmas when Annie had thanked him for the Italian chitarra he'd given them as a wedding present. "What's a chitarra?" he'd asked, later learning that it was a kitchen tool for cutting fresh pasta. His ignorance had revealed to all three of them a scheme of Emma's to soften the impact of Frank's absence from the wedding by purchasing a gift "from Frank" that Annie had dearly wanted. (Emma had acted too soon, as Frank's actual gift was already in transit to the U.S. when this occurred).
Ryan stared at him, his features revealing rising tension. "I thought that was so Annie wouldn't feel bad about your absence, not because she was thinking about canceling! Why do you know something about my marriage that I don't?"
"I..." Frank looked toward a very embarrassed Annie and wondered what to say next.
"Speaking of Emma..." Ryan pointed at the mobile again. "what about this picture and story?"
Frank didn't answer.
"Frank, come on. Were you messing around with Emma? Is that part of why Jane broke up with you?"
Frank could tell that Ryan's anger was spillover from what he'd just discovered about his own marriage, but still, the words hurt. He rubbed his forehead. "I never messed around with Emma."
"But it looks like you wanted your girlfriend to think you did. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Ryan," Annie said tersely. "I think he feels bad enough about everything already. We don't have to pile on him."
Just then Ryan's own phone rang. He picked it up, said, "I need to take this," and stormed from the room.
Frank exhaled and lowered his hands. "I didn't mean to cause trouble between you and Ryan."
"It's okay," Annie said softly. "Give him time. He'll calm down and we'll work it out. We always do."
He gave his sister-in-law an appreciative look. "Thanks for sticking up for me. I feel like maybe I have one person in the world who's on my side."
Annie smiled. "I love you, Frank, and I think you're a great guy. And you know... it sounds like you and Jane had something really special. I think you can work it out, too."
He shook his head. "She won't return any of my calls or messages."
"Well, like I said about Ryan--give her time."
She soon believed herself to penetrate Mrs. Elton's thoughts, and understand why she was, like herself, in happy spirits; it was being in Miss Fairfax's confidence, and fancying herself acquainted with what was still a secret to other people.
Emma, chapter 52
"How are you feeling?" Caroline beamed at Jane as she emerged from the dressing room.
Jane smiled back. "So relaxed! I really needed a change of pace."
She had just finished receiving a facial, mani/pedi and deep tissue massage at Caroline's gym and spa, a treat that her new friend had offered her.
"They have a delicious smoothie bar here. Care for one?"
"Sounds great! Lead the way."
Jane walked with Caroline to the lounge of the upscale establishment, where they were surrounded by gorgeous people, most of whom wore either thick, fluffy bathrobes or skimpy workout clothing. Jane, on the other hand, was back in her street clothes, a colorful blouse, capris in a neutral tone, and sandals. She and Caroline approached a long bar covered with blenders. Signs above the bar described various items that could be added to the beverage of one's choice: fruits, vegetables, milks made from nuts or grains, yogurt or other fermented foods, seeds, herbs and powders. Jane and Caroline both ordered power smoothies made from sea vegetables, chia seeds, and exotic fruits. They took their beverages and settled into comfortable chairs nearby in order to talk.
"So, my dear," Caroline said between sips, "Bing tells me you said no to his job offer. You want to tell me why you would turn down such an excellent opportunity?"
"Well," Jane said, taking a moment to sip her own drink, "he asked me a question about whether the job is truly my dream. For him, it's important that his staff are living their dreams so that they can set the example for the youth."
"But you love playing the piano! Certainly you want to share that gift with the..." she seemed to be searching for the right words, "...next generation?"
"I do, but that's not what my passion is. Music is wonderful, it's beautiful, but there are bigger problems in this world that won't be solved by me teaching kids music."
Caroline nodded. "How could I forget? You are such a visionary. So tell me, what is this great dream of yours?"
"I don't know yet. I do know that it will have something to do with water resources, and making sure that everyone, especially those most in need, continues to have access to them."
"Water?" Caroline wrinkled her nose. "What's sexy or exciting about that?"
"Access to clean water is a life and death issue. It may not be sexy, but it's vitally important. I know James knows this," Jane added, referring to Caroline's state senator husband. "This state is undergoing the worst drought in its recorded history. I'm sure they're talking about this in Sacramento all the time."
"I see," said Caroline. "Well, I'm sure whatever you decide to do, it will be as awesome and amazing as you are. Your talents were completely wasted at Emma Approved."
Jane grinned. "I actually agree with you."
Caroline suddenly leaned over conspiratorially. "Speaking of Emma, you would not believe the news I heard this weekend."
Jane laughed. "You know, after such a wonderful day, the last person I want to talk about is Emma."
"Oh, but you'll want to hear this. Apparently, Frank Churchill completely divested his shares of a major corporation, and the rumor is that personal drama with some woman led him to do it. And since he's been seen with Emma lately, the speculation is..." Caroline smiled brightly and circled her hand, as if waiting for Jane to finish her sentence.
Jane said nothing, looking down at her smoothie.
"James is very concerned. The company is a big agribusiness that's a major producer here in California, so the sale could have economic implications for the state. But as for me, I think that Emma leading Churchill to make a shocking business decision is just so juicy, don't you?"
Jane continued to be silent, her stomach lurching inside.
"Jane?" Caroline looked at her with concern. "Come now, you can't let Emma still affect you. If you find out good gossip about a rival, like the fact that she's having a wild affair with Frank Churchill, you have to celebrate it."
"It's not her, it's me!" Jane suddenly blurted.
"What?"
The words were out there, so she might as well tell it all. "Frank didn't sell those stocks because of Emma. He sold them because of me."
"I don't understand." Caroline looked genuinely confused.
"Frank and I were seeing each other until recently," she explained. "I was on him for weeks to do something to stop Richmond's expansion, and he finally did."
Caroline stared at her for a while. Then she smiled broadly. "Jane Fairfax! I underestimated you! I never thought you'd go for the dashing playboy type. I always pictured you with a missionary doctor or someone like that."
Jane grimaced, gripping her drink with both hands.
"Ohhh," Caroline said, her eyes widening. "No wonder you were so upset during the Boxx opening. Emma was all over him that night. She is such a tease. She was that way with James, too."
Jane looked up in surprise. "She was?"
"Oh, yes. She totally led him on and then laughed in his face when he told her he had feelings for her."
"Oh," said Jane softly, realization coming to her. She had always wondered why Emma and Caroline weren't friends, given how similar their personalities were. But if Emma had come on to Caroline's husband, it would explain Caroline's dislike of her.
"It was before James and I were together. But still."
Jane pondered that for a moment. Caroline's husband, California State Senator James Elton, was young and handsome and considered a strong potential candidate for U.S. Congress in 2016. On the occasions Jane had met him, he presented himself with the polished air of an experienced politician. It was hard for her to imagine him as someone else Emma had hurt, but he was human, too.
Something occurred to her that made little sense. "If Emma did that to James, why did you ask her to plan your engagement party?" Caroline and Senator Elton had had a large, splashy engagement party put on by Emma Approved back in April, followed by a small, "family only" wedding ceremony in June.
Caroline flicked her long dark hair over her shoulder. "To show her that I won. That James and I won."
Jane twisted her mouth. "Isn't living well the best revenge? Isn't that the saying?"
"Yes, but some people have their head stuck too far up their butt to see it, and you have to drive the point home." She took a long sip of her smoothie. "You should do the same. Get your man back and flaunt it in Emma's face."
"I don't want him back. As far as I'm concerned, Emma can have him. If he ends up humiliated by her, he deserves it."
Caroline grinned. "Is that bitterness I hear you expressing, Jane? I'm so proud of you!"
"It's not a good thing," Jane frowned.
"Au contraire, it's a very good thing. You're much too idealistic. You need a little more healthy cynicism. That way, you won't get hurt again, at least not so easily."
Jane nodded. As much as she hated to admit it, Caroline was right.
Emma: Now, be honest, Frank. How are you? Have you heard from Jane?
Frank: She finally replied to one of my messages.
Emma: And?
Frank: She's... thinking about things.
Emma Approved, ep. 71
August 18, 2014
On Monday morning, Frank was in high spirits. He had talked to Jane the night before, the first message of his she had returned in weeks. True, her initial words had been, "Enough, Frank! I'm so sick of all your messages! Can't you take a hint?" But she had calmed down during the course of their call, she had told him a bit about her future career plans, and she had finally agreed to meet him for dinner on Monday evening to talk further.
The call had encouraged him enough that he decided to do something he had been putting off for a while: apologize to Emma Woodhouse for his behavior with her. Even the heavy morning traffic didn't bother him as he prepped himself mentally for this meeting. He recalled his very first encounter with Emma, which took place a few days after he arrived back in the U.S. He had visited her office to express his appreciation for her efforts in coordinating Annie and Ryan's wedding, and to offer to do something to say thanks for helping him realize that his absence was inexcusable.
He had liked Emma immediately, recognizing her as a kindred spirit. Like him, she was also half-Asian (her mother had been Japanese), somewhat cocky, and a coffee lover. The two of them spent the meeting engaged in a game of "let's pretend": her saying there was nothing he could do to thank her... unless he liked charitable events; him acting like he was completely unaware that she was planning an upcoming event sponsored by Bates Financial Services; and her just pulling "renewable energy" as the event's theme out of the air, as if she hadn't known that he had missed his visit with Ryan and Annie the previous month for a renewable energy conference. In any case, he had jumped at the chance to do something for Jane's aunt, and offered to be a guest speaker for Maddy's event.
The one downside to the meeting was that it was the first time he had overtly tried to hide his relationship with Jane from someone else. Since Jane would be attending Maddy's event, he couldn't deny knowing her, so he said he'd met her in London through work his company had done with her nonprofit. The thinly veiled sarcasm in Emma's gritted teeth response, "Jane's... great" let him know that at least from Emma's perspective, their high school rivalry was far from over. He had to stop his instinct to defend his girlfriend and give the game away, so he claimed that he barely knew Jane and found nothing special about her.
His second meeting with Emma to hash out the final details of his speech the day before the benefit was a much weirder (and in hindsight, more ominous) affair. Emma appeared to take their connection during the first meeting--along with, no doubt, his insult of Jane--to mean something more than he intended. His first clue was how she was attired that day. She wore a pale green slip of a dress that was was designed to show off maximum cleavage and leg, and at intervals leaned over him or away from him to make sure he really noticed. He had noticed all right, and had been thinking about how much better Jane would look in it; his Jane, now back in the U.S. herself, had more of a figure than Emma did, and while the dress' pale color washed out a bit on Emma, it would look vibrant against Jane's skin.
During the meeting, Emma's business partner Alex Knightley walked in and immediately started throwing snarky barbs Frank's way. Frank at first found this bizarre, since Alex had to know that Frank was to be the guest speaker at the imminent event his business was throwing in hopes of generating new clients and revenue. Why would he treat someone in Frank's position that way? It took less than a minute for Frank to figure out the reason for Alex's attitude: he had the hots for Emma and considered Frank a threat. Frank suddenly found himself in the middle of a workplace drama--literally, since he sat in between a flirting Emma and a reacting Alex--and although he continued to talk about the benefit as though nothing was amiss, he found the whole thing hilarious.
His second clue that his friendship with Emma wasn't a good thing should have been when he recounted the tale to Jane and she didn't laugh. Instead, she was incredulous. "Why would you even think I would find Emma flirting with you funny?"
When had the whole dynamic with Alex and Emma ceased to be a joke to him? It was, he knew, not long after Jane had started working for Emma Approved. Accepting a position there was probably a bad move on Jane's part, but she needed a job and Alex had talked her into joining the company. They were interested in moving in a new direction, in focusing primarily on charitable events rather than providing matchmaking services and throwing parties for the rich and famous. Jane's passion, her understanding of the nonprofit world, and her strong work ethic would all be assets to the company in its new endeavors.
However, no sooner had Jane begun working for Emma than the issues between the two women resurfaced. And Frank's problems started almost immediately as well. L.A. transit was a sorry shadow of what Jane was used to in London, and she found herself spending more than three hours each day waiting for or riding the bus for her commute to and from work. Alex, nice guy that he was, offered to carpool with her. Soon after they started going to lunch regularly, which made his sister-in-law Annie speculate that the two were on their way to becoming a couple.
At that point Frank found himself in the position Alex had been in during that second meeting with Emma: seething with jealousy and threatened by another man. It didn't help that he was growing ever more annoyed about having to deny his relationship with the woman he loved. Alex might have backed off and Annie certainly would have stopped her matchmaking attempts if they knew Jane was already taken. But instead, the workplace drama he'd witnessed between Alex and Emma spilled over into his relationship with Jane. And Frank became a player in the game.
From Emma Approved, Frank & Jane, ep. 9. The 21st of July, two days before the Boxx restaurant opening. In this scene, Jane is angry and Frank is snide:
Jane: The Richmond Corporation is expanding, and it's your money that's making it possible!
Frank: It's just business, Jane.
Jane: Oh. I know. I'm just glad you've finally figured out what's important to you.
Frank: And what about you? (in a mocking voice) Shouldn't you be off saving starving orphans somewhere?
Jane: Maybe you're right. Clearly I've lost sight of who I really am!
Frank: Happens to the best of us.
Jane: I need to try some of your... prioritizing, was it? Thank you for the words of wisdom, Mr. Churchill!
Frank: That's what I'm here for.
Jane: Now if you don't mind?
Frank: What, you have work to do? Not a problem. I won't be bothering you anymore. Goodbye, Ms. Fairfax.
Jane: GoodBYE, Mr. Churchill.
From Emma Approved, ep. 61 (note: this scene occurs immediately after the one above):
Frank: It's so sad when people put their jobs above everything else.
Emma: Says the guy who missed his brother's wedding for work!
Frank: A lesson that I've since learned! And that's why we need to have a lot of fun at the party. Do you have a date?
Emma: No, I don't! I'll be too busy handling everything.
Frank: Then find me a nice date for the evening.
Jane sat in the waiting area of Azeen's, an Afghani restuarant in Pasadena that she and Frank had discovered a couple of months earlier. They had liked it because it was quiet and out of the way, a great place to have heart to heart conversations.
Their favorite place to talk had been the swinging garden bench in the Bates' backyard, but Jane didn't want to have a discussion like this in a place so special to her. Frank used to come over in the evenings and help her and Aunt Maddy work in the garden. Maddy would always go inside at some point, leaving them alone. They'd sit on the bench and set it to gently swing, drinking lemonade freshly squeezed from lemons growing in the yard. Jane would rest her head against Frank's shoulder as they watched the sunset, shaded from the heat by the fruit trees around them, the scents of lemons and oranges sweetening the air. Even the city noises seemed to recede in that spot.
Frank had been true to his word and hadn't mentioned marriage again (other than a tweet about "'eternal bachelor' George Clooney!" when the famous actor got engaged), but in those quiet moments together, Jane herself had started to imagine spending her life with him. She thought about what it would be like to have a home together, with a garden like this, with their children running about. She imagined growing old with him, still sitting together in the evening watching the rosy streaks of daylight slowly vanish from the sky as twilight set in.
Stop it! she told herself. The last thing she needed was to become sentimental about Frank right now. She was beginning to wonder whether it was a good idea to meet with him at all, knowing that it would be hard not to be affected by his presence, but an in-person meeting seemed to be the only way to stop his incessant calling and texting.
To remind herself of the issues they needed to discuss, she started to mentally review the events that had led up to this moment. It began with Diggy's letter about the Richmond Corporation. She had addressed it with Frank when she first returned to the United States, and he had defended his decision to support the agribusiness. "We feed people," he argued. "Maybe the quality isn't as good as from an all-organic company, but the output is much higher, and people are getting fed."
"But you can do better," she'd protested weakly.
Frank shook his head slowly. "Richmond's not perfect, but no one's hands are clean, unless they're living off the grid somewhere. Even yours, Jane."
Jane didn't have a comeback to that, so she'd let the matter drop. That lasted until she received a call in mid-June from her contact at Hygienic H2O, a clean water charity operating in Ethiopia. Richmond Corporation had been buying up water sources throughout eastern Africa, and then turning around and selling bottled water at extravagant prices to the people who lived there. Many people couldn't afford the cost, and so they were left not even with the contaminated water sources that HH2O was trying so hard to provide alternatives to, but nothing at all.
When she broached the issue with Frank, he'd gotten defensive again, despite there being no justification for Richmond's actions in this instance. What good was it to feed people only to turn around and force them to die of thirst?
The issues with the Richmond Corporation were compounded by Frank's friendship with Emma Woodhouse. For weeks it had seemed as though the two of them were conspiring together against Jane, pushing her to participate in activities she felt very uncomfortable with, such as a bachelor/bachelorette auction to raise money to fight human trafficking. Even gentle Harriet, one of Jane's colleagues at Emma Approved who usually went along with Emma's plans, had questioned the wisdom of putting people up for sale as a means to end slavery.
"Sorry I'm late."
Jane looked up to see Frank standing nearby. Thanks to so recently cataloging Frank's sins, the pangs of love or longing Jane had dreaded never materialized, much to her relief. "I'm not surprised."
"There was a lot of traffic--"
"Of course there was. Like I said, I'm not surprised."
Frank frowned. He had been so hopeful about this dinner, especially after his meeting with Emma had gone so well, ending with her wishing him "all the luck in the world" for his relationship with Jane. But Jane's coldness had immediately dampened his good mood.
The restaurant's host soon seated them. Both Frank and Jane were quiet as they looked over the menus and placed their orders. Once the waitress walked away, he pushed himself to speak. "I've left you messages about my divestment from Richmond. What do you think?"
"It's a good thing," Jane said quietly. "I've read that your sale has stymied their plans for expansion."
Frank exhaled. "Does it make a difference for our relationship? That's what I really want to know. I did it for you. For us."
Jane closed her eyes in exasperation. "You still don't get it, do you? You don't do something like that for me. You do it because it's the right thing to do."
"Why does it matter?"
"Because it does!"
"That's not an answer. If the result is the same--Richmond can't move forward with their expansion plans--then why does it matter why I did it?"
She looked at him in sadness. "Because I have to know that I can trust your heart."
Frank swallowed hard. "You can't trust my heart after all this time?"
Jane's anger started rising again. 'You're really asking me that? After all the things you did to hurt me at the Boxx opening?"
"Let's not get into that--"
"Oh, no, that's exactly what we should get into. How could you, Frank? How could you parade around with Emma like that, like she was your girlfriend or something, right in front of me? How could you make fun of my aunt like that?"
"I never made fun of Maddy!"
"Yes, you did! You were laughing at her, along with Emma!"
Frank blew out his breath. "Look, I'm sorry about that, okay? I may have laughed at one joke, but as soon as I saw how carried away Emma was getting, I stopped!"
"But you started. My aunt, who is the kindest person in the world, who was so excited to be there that evening and share her jams, and you humiliated her. You humiliated me!"
"What about all the ways you humiliated me?"
Jane shook her head. "What are you talking about?"
"You know how much I hated lying about our relationship! And what about all the time you spent with Alex? You know I hated that, too!"
"Alex was just a friend, and you know that! I never went around flirting with him, or cuddling up to him, or doing any of the things you did with Emma!"
Frank was breathing heavily. He knew Jane was right, but that didn't diminish his anger in the moment. "That doesn't mean it didn't hurt me!"
Their argument came to a halt as the waitress returned with their dinner plates. Jane looked down at the platter, feeling nauseous. "You know what the difference is between you and me?" she asked after the waitress departed again.
"What?" Frank asked sharply.
"I may have made some bad choices, but I never deliberately tried to hurt you. But you did. You knew the problems I had with Emma, and you chose to carry on with her right in front of me. You"--at this, Jane had to pause, as tears filled her eyes-- "you made that crack about saving orphans even though you know that adopting an orphan is one of my dreams. You chose to continue supporting Richmond Corp even though you knew that water rights is one of the most important things I care about. I never meant to hurt you, Frank. I'm sorry if I did, but that was never my intention. You, on the other hand, planned to hurt me, and carried it out to the fullest. And that's why I can never trust you again."
She stopped and reached down to the floor, lifting up her purse. She pulled out her wallet and extracted three twenty dollar bills, laying them on the table.
"What is this?" he asked.
"To cover dinner." What that, she stood up.
"Wait, Jane!" he cried. "I can change! We can make this work!"
"I doubt it," she said. "I hope you have a good life, Frank, but I won't be a part of it."
As she turned to walk away, Frank called out, "At least take your money back, Jane. I'll pay for dinner."
She turned back, her tears replaced with an expression of steel. "Keep it. Or find a good charity to donate it to."
In stunned silence, Frank watched Jane walk out of the restaurant and out of his life for good.
"When I think about this past year, it... it has been more than just bad matchmaking. Elton and Caroline... Frank and Jane... Harriet and-- Alex. It's like I haven't even noticed how the people around me really feel, not to mention how I feel about the people around me. ... Have I really been this blind, or have I been lying to myself the whole time? Well, that stops now, because now I'm going to start paying attention to the people around me and how they really feel. I mean it!"
Emma Woodhouse in Emma Approved, ep. 69
Mrs. Weston's communications furnished Emma with more food for unpleasant reflection, by increasing her esteem and compassion, and her sense of past injustice towards Miss Fairfax. She bitterly regretted not having sought a closer acquaintance with her, and blushed for the envious feelings which had certainly been, in some measure, the cause. ... She must have been a perpetual enemy. They never could have been all three together, without her having stabbed Jane Fairfax's peace in a thousand instances.
Emma, ch. 48
FedEx delivered a box for Jane the morning after she walked away from Frank at the restaurant. Her first thought was that this was another attempt by Frank to bring about a reconciliation, but instead, the package was from Emma. Unlike Frank, Emma had stopped calling her after about a week or so, but had sent word of another apology through Maddy. Aunt Maddy had gone in to meet with Emma a few weeks earlier, and Emma had apologized profusely for ridiculing her jams during the Boxx restaurant opening.
Maddy had shushed Emma almost immediately because that was who Maddy was: loving, giving, and forgiving. In fact, she had even offered to work for Emma for two weeks (Emma, to her credit, offered to pay her for her time), getting the company's books in order. Jane was very surprised to learn that the same day she had quit working for Emma, Alex had walked out, too. He had been Emma Approved's business manager and accountant, and without him, Emma was floundering.
It turned out that Aunt Maddy's help was much needed, because the company's finances were a mess. Although Alex was good at his job, he was much too prone to give in to Emma's schemes and ideas, even if they made little financial sense. In contrast, Maddy could "make a nickel cry" as Grandma always said. Aunt Maddy ended up working out profit and loss projections for the company for the next five years.
Having heard from Aunt Maddy that Emma was now "different somehow. More serious and humble," Jane was very curious about the package. She opened it up to find twenty different boxes of organic, fair trade teas, in a variety of flavors. A peace offering from Emma. Jane laughed and then sighed. She supposed this was a sign that she finally needed to work things out with her former boss and rival.
She thought back upon the disastrous misadventure she had had working for Emma at her company, Emma Approved. Given their history, she should have seen the train wreck that was coming, but instead, she had had naively optimistic hopes. "It's been nine years since we finished high school," Jane had reasoned to herself. "We're more mature by now and can put the past behind us. I think that together Emma and I can do some good. She's always been very enthusiastic about whatever she's doing. With my experience, maybe I can channel her enthusiasm in positive directions."
Despite Jane's hopes, the problems between her and Emma began almost immediately. Nearly every evening she would rant to Frank about something else Emma had done that day: re-decorated her office against her wishes, installed a video camera by Jane's desk, repeatedly attempted to pry into Jane's personal life, and more. "I even think she searches my office at night," Jane told him. "I come back in the morning, and things are moved around."
Frank had tried to dismiss Jane's complaints as exaggerations. Emma couldn't be that creepy, right? But what bothered Jane most weren't the petty annoyances. Her biggest concern was that she doubted Emma's sincerity. "She has all these cameras up to supposedly 'document her greatness.' Who does that, especially since she now says her mission is to make the world a better place? The people I've worked with in the past would be appalled if they knew!"
Despite her frustrations with Emma, Jane decided to stick it out. She liked her other two colleagues, Alex and Harriet, and was excited about the chance to support causes she cared about. One in particular that she had discovered, the Hygienic H2O project, was dedicated to providing access to clean water for villages in Ethiopia. If she could help raise awareness and money for this worthy organization, then putting up with Emma was worth it.
A couple of days after receiving the package, Jane drove to the offices of Highbury Partners in Burbank, where Highbury's Lifestyle Division was located. Emma Approved was the primary company providing "lifestyle" services (including events planning, life coaching, and at one point but no longer, matchmaking/dating services). As Jane entered the Emma Approved offices, she spotted Harriet Smith at the reception desk. Harriet, a cute, delicate-looking blond woman, had been EA's office assistant, and continued to provide office admin duties even after her promotion to event planner. Harriet looked up and waved, but didn't really smile. Jane's stomach clenched a little. Harriet was usually so sweet and friendly. If she was greeting Jane this coldly, it didn't bode well for her meeting with Emma.
She was surprised, therefore, when Harriet rose from her desk and gave Jane a warm hug, and apologized for not smiling. "I had a recent root canal. I'm still in some pain."
"Oh, Harriet, I'm sorry!" said Jane. "I hope you're better soon."
"Thanks," Harriet replied. "It's great to see you, Jane. A lot has been happening around here."
"Aunt Maddy told me. She said your phone has been ringing off the hook since the Boxx opening."
"It has, but unfortunately we've had to turn down most requests for our services. We just couldn't handle it with... you know."
Jane felt herself blush. Her departure--and Alex's--had left the company in a lurch.
Harriet brightened. "But having Maddy here for two weeks was great! And Alex is back!"
Jane smiled. "He is? When did he return?"
"Last Thursday. You should stop by his office and say hi. I know he'd love to see you."
"I'll do that."
Harriet attempted to grin, but suddenly winced in pain. "By the way, you'll never believe it!"
"What?"
"Alex and Emma are dating now!"
"Seriously?" Jane said, and Harriet nodded vigorously. To her surprise, the news tickled Jane pink. As much as Alex used to talk about Emma during Jane's daily rideshares with him before she'd had a car, she had long ago guessed that Alex was in love with Emma. Alex was a great guy. If he had finally won Emma's heart, she was really happy for him.
After saying goodbye to Harriet, Jane walked down the hall and knocked on Alex Knightley's door. He called out, "Come in!" and she entered his office.
"Hey, Jane!" Alex said with a smile. He also rose from his desk to hug her. "I'm really glad you're here. I know Emma has been wanting to talk to you."
"So I hear congratulations are in order?"
Alex, who had spiky brown hair and all-American good looks, suddenly grinned with the goofiest, most love-sick puppy expression she'd ever seen on him. "Yeah. Emma and I finally both realized..."
"I'm happy for you, Alex. I mean that."
"Thank you. Did I hear that you're starting your own clean water foundation?"
"Trying to. It's a long process. I've been working on my business plan, trying to find members for my board of directors, and getting together all the paperwork I need to file for incorporation with the state and with the IRS."
"Well, good luck! If there's anything we can do to help you, just let us know."
"I will." She said goodbye to Alex, and then braced herself for her next stop: Emma's office.
"Jane! Please have a seat," Emma said quickly when she entered. As always, Emma was well-dressed and perfectly coiffed, her long, dark hair dyed a lovely auburn shade and flowing across her shoulders in gentle waves, and her expertly applied make up just masking the freckles that sprinkled her cheeks.
Jane sat down on the bench in the middle of Emma's office. She immediately noticed the absence of something. "No camera," she said.
"Yes," said Emma, more subdued than Jane had ever seen her. "I mean, I still have them, but I took it down today because I know how uncomfortable it makes you."
"Thank you," Jane said.
"So, um..." Emma reached over to a shelf and picked up her iPad. "Alex keeps telling me to stop reading my apologies, but in your case especially, I know that if I don't read this, I'll forget everything I need to say."
Jane nodded. She had no idea what to say, so she said nothing.
"Jane," Emma read, "I have so many things to apologize to you for that I don't know where to begin, so I'll just start. First and foremost, I want to apologize for never really listening to you, and for never really being your friend." At this, Emma lowered the iPad. Jane noticed tears in her eyes. "We should have been friends, Jane, and we never were, and it was because of me."
Emma picked up the iPad again and went on. "I keep thinking about that time you came over with Maddy when we were about nine. Izzy wasn't there because she was at a sleepover, and after a while you wouldn't play with me. I got mad at you and demanded that you keep playing. You said, 'Why should I? You're so bossy! We always have to do things your way! After a while, that's no fun!' I should have realized that day that that's what our relationship was always like. It always had to be my way, and after a while I just pushed you away.
"It was the same way in high school. Everything had to be my way, and when you resisted, I shunned you. I know I made your high school years miserable."
Jane pressed her lips together. High school hadn't been miserable, not after ninth grade anyway. But she had had to forge her own path outside of Emma's pressure to make it that way.
"Most of all, I have to apologize for the way I treated you after you came to work for me. I lied to myself the whole time. I kept saying that everything I did was somehow for your good, but the truth was, I was so jealous of you. I had been ever since we were kids, and so everything I did was to try to find the cracks in your armor, to prove to myself that maybe you weren't so perfect after all."
Jane swallowed. This confession was becoming very uncomfortable.
"I didn't listen to you when you told me the cameras made you uncomfortable. I was so sure you had to have some deep, dark secret, something that would prove you had feet of clay. I used to sneak into your office at night and search it to try to find out."
Jane exhaled. So that hadn't been her imagination.
"When you received the anonymous laptop and flowers, I thought that the only reason you wouldn't say anything about who the gifts were from was because the guy who sent them was someone you weren't supposed to be in a relationship with. So I started theorizing to Harriet and Frank that it was from Peter Dixon."
"You said that?" Jane gasped. "You thought I would mess around with my best friend's husband?"
Emma lowered the iPad again. "I... I know. There's no excuse for it. I'm so sorry, Jane."
Jane had been fairly calm until this point, although troubled, but now she was starting to get angry.
"But the biggest thing I need to apologize for is my behavior with Frank. Jane, I wrote down that I didn't know about you two and that I wouldn't have flirted with him like that if I had, but that's not true. Alex told me that you two were dating, and I didn't want to believe him."
"Why not?" Jane asked sharply.
Emma looked at her, an expression of shame on her face. "Because I didn't want to admit that someone like Frank would fall in love with someone like you."
"Someone like me," Jane said tersely. "I see."
"Jane, I don't know what I can say to excuse my behavior, except that I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. I hope I didn't mess things up too badly between you and Frank."
Jane shook her head. "Emma, the issues between Frank and me were far bigger than anything you did."
"I hope you can work it out," Emma said softly.
"It's not going to happen," Jane shook her head again.
"Really? He was so excited when he came here on Monday. He said you had replied to one of his messages."
"I did, but only to get him to stop calling me. Look, Emma, if there's one thing you don't have to blame yourself for, it's me and Frank."
Emma was quiet for some time. After a few minutes, she said, "Jane, I know you and I might never be friends. But I hope that at least we will no longer be enemies."
Jane looked down. "I don't know, Emma. You just unloaded a lot on me. I'll have to think about it."
Annie Weston: [Frank's] taking a whole month out of his schedule, so I finally get Weston family bonding time.
Ryan Weston: I keep telling you, you're all the Weston family I need.
Emma Approved, ep. 23
Frank's evening on Tuesday, September the second, began like most other evenings recently: with him dressed in sweat pants and a T-shirt, sitting down with a delivery of dinner (burritos tonight), a case of Sam Adams, and ESPN. His cell phone and his house phone both rang several times, but as usual lately, Frank ignored them both. The urgent ringing of his doorbell was harder to ignore, especially because it was interrupting Sports Center, so Frank finally rose from his sofa and walked over to answer it.
It was Javier from the concierge service of the Hollywood luxury condominium development where Frank lived. Standing behind him was Ryan. "Very sorry to disturb you, Mr. Churchill," said Javier. "But our policy states that if your emergency contact informs us they haven't been able to reach you, we have to look into it."
"It's okay," Frank replied. "You can go."
Javier nodded and departed, leaving Frank facing Ryan. "May I come in?" his brother asked.
Frank opened his door wider and Ryan slipped past him. Ignoring the concerned look on Ryan's face, Frank returned to the sofa and turned up the volume on the large flat-screen against the wall. Ryan snatched the remote from Frank's hand. He lifted it and pressed the power button, turning the TV off. Frank glowered at Ryan as he sat down at an angle from Frank on the L-shaped sofa.
"Annie's worried about you."
"Tell her I'm fine."
"You missed our big Labor Day cookout. Annie makes some mean ribs, with her own special sauce."
"I was busy. Next year."
Ryan pointed to the recycling container just outside the kitchen, which was overflowing with beer bottles. "That's what you were busy doing?"
Frank didn't answer.
"I know you have recycling service here. Why don't you empty that?"
"I'll get around to it."
Ryan sighed. "I'm worried about you, too. Is the break-up really getting you down?"
Frank drummed his fingers on his thighs.
"Come on, Frank, talk to me. What are you feeling?"
Frank snorted. "Since when did you become Dr. Phil?"
"Since I got married. You'd be amazed at how being with a good woman makes you more in tune with people's emotions."
Frank scowled at him. "Spare me the tales of your marital joy, okay?"
"Sorry," Ryan said. He furrowed his brow. "No, I'm not sorry. It's because of Annie that I'm here at all. When you didn't show up, I just figured you had something else to do, but Annie pointed out that whenever you couldn't make it to something we invited you to before, you'd at least let us know. She said something must be wrong if we didn't hear from you at all."
"Nothing is wrong."
"Quit lying. You're a mess right now. When's the last time you shaved?"
"Why does it matter? I don't have anything to shave for. Richmond Corporation asked for my resignation, and so did three other companies."
"I know you have other responsibilities besides those four."
Frank frowned. He did, but he was kind of hoping that if he neglected his duties long enough, some of his other enterprises might similarly request that he withdraw his involvement. Request was probably a charitable way to put it. In any case, the idea of having nothing to do right now was very appealing.
"Talk to me, Frank. You're really missing Jane, aren't you?"
Hearing her name cracked Frank's facade of nonchalance. "I just... I always thought there was hope."
"That you'd get back together?"
Frank nodded.
"So what happened?"
"We had dinner a couple of weeks ago. She made it clear that it was never going to happen."
"I'm sorry," Ryan said softly. "I really mean that."
They were quiet for a moment, and suddenly Frank found his pent-up thoughts tumbling out. "She said that she never meant to hurt me, but that I hurt her on purpose. And she was right. When you asked me what the hell was wrong with me for acting like that with Emma, it's because I was mad at Jane and wanted to hurt her."
"I see," said Ryan.
There was no judgment in Ryan's response, so Frank finished the thought. "I loved..." No, that wasn't right. It wasn't past tense. He didn't know if it would ever be past tense. "I love her more than anyone I've ever loved. Yet I treated her like crap. Who does something like that?"
"Someone from the Weston-Churchill family."
When Frank looked puzzled, Ryan went on, "Think about it. My mom's on her fifth marriage. My dad's been married three times, and so has your dad. It's not like we have good examples of great relationships to look to."
"You're doing okay."
"That's partly because I have a wife who is infinitely patient with me. But also because I decided to be."
"You decided? Just like that?"
"Yeah. Not that it's easy. But I don't want my child growing up like we did. You know our childhood wasn't normal, right?"
"Whose is?"
"Nobody's, but ours was really abnormal. When I tell people my parents didn't come to my wedding, they stare at me like I've got two heads. Or they think the same thing Annie did, that my family must really hate my wife. Normal families don't do that. They don't miss the most important events in their relatives' lives to... find themselves in Borneo or whatever."
Frank exhaled. "Thanks for making me feel even worse."
"Come on, I didn't say that to slam you. It's me, too. I didn't think anything about you telling me you couldn't make it, and if the situation had been reversed, before I met Annie, I might have done the same thing."
"And now it's different?"
"Exactly. Sometimes I tell Annie that she's all the Weston family I need."
"Thanks a lot," Frank said sarcastically.
"Shut up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Listen to what I'm saying. When I tell Annie that, I'm letting her know that she is and always will be my priority. She and the baby that's coming, and any other kids we might have. I'm making a decision to put them first and do what's best for them, no matter what, and I'm letting Annie know that. You can do the same thing."
"Not anymore," Frank said miserably. "It's over between me and Jane."
"But your life's not over. So get up off your butt, stop looking and acting like a bum, and, I don't know, keep the rest of your businesses functioning somehow. And get rid of all that junk," Ryan gestured at the empty beer bottles again.
"Good job, Dr. Phil. Can I get back to Sports Center now?"
"Only if you let me watch it with you. And give me one of those burritos."
Ryan stayed for a couple of hours, dropping the serious talk in favor of jokes and TV commentary. He did the same thing two days later, not finding Frank much happier, but at least better dressed, shaven and with a cleaner condo. Frank didn't verbalize it, but he appreciated his brother's presence. He had never really liked being alone.
On Saturday, Frank received a text from his dad: "In LA. Join me for dinner." It was a command, not a request, but that wasn't unusual for his dad.
They met at Fleming's Prime Steakhouse at the L.A. Live entertainment complex since his father, like Frank, always enjoyed a good steak and fine wine. Geoffrey Churchill didn't do hugs, so he stood and reached out to shake Frank's hand when he arrived.
Upon first glance, a stranger might not think the two men were related, but a longer look would reveal that they were definitely father and son. Frank had inherited his mother's features and the coloring of her hair, skin, and eyes, but his height, the shape of his head, his jawline, and even many of his facial expressions were the spitting image of his father.
From his father's serious demeanor, Frank could tell that they weren't going to have their usual business and small talk conversation. After placing their order, his father pulled out his mobile and called up an image. He passed it to Frank. "Is this her?"
It was a picture of Jane. Seeing her, even in a photograph, pierced Frank's heart. He nodded. "Where did you get this?"
His father took the phone back and scaled down the image to reveal an online article from the same news site that had implied a relationship between Frank and Emma. He handed it back to Frank, who read the story titled, "Churchill Mystery Woman Identified":
The mysterious woman who led to wealthy investor Frank Churchill's surprising sale of his shares of Richmond Corporation has been identified as Jane Fairfax, 27, a radical environmentalist from Los Angeles, California.
A source close to the multi-millionaire venture capitalist indicates that the two met and began an affair last winter in London, England, where Ms. Fairfax worked for an environmental nonprofit. "He became obsessed with her," said the source, who declined to be named. "She had some kind of hold on him that really warped his thinking."
An obsession may be the most likely explanation for Mr. Churchill's sudden decision to divest of his sixteen percent ownership in Richmond, a 1.2 billion dollar agribusiness. The move focused a spotlight on some of the company's environmental practices and prompted other investors to release their shares, sending the company's stock prices plummeting.
A spokesperson for Richmond Corporation confirmed that Mr. Churchill has since resigned his position on the company's board of directors. "We're very disappointed with Mr. Churchill's actions, which have damaged our position in the global food industry," said the spokesperson. "Nevertheless, we will continue to serve as one of the finest producers of healthy, wholesome foods for families all over the world."
As for the mystery woman who led to the upheaval, the source indicates that she was fired from her position in London in March, whereupon she returned to her home in the United States. She was recently let go from another job in Los Angeles after just three months. When contacted for a statement, Ms. Fairfax denied her involvement with Mr. Churchill and his decision to divest from Richmond, and would give no further comment.
Frank put the mobile down, breathing heavily, curse words flying through his head. The media had found Jane. They had talked to Jane. What must she be feeling or thinking right now?
"So she's some kind of tree-hugger," said his father. "Apparently an unstable one. Is she chaining herself to trees, or setting bombs in animal testing labs?"
"Don't talk about her like that," Frank said sharply. "Jane's passionate about the environment, but she's not unstable, she's not violent, and she doesn't do bizarre stunts. All she wants to do is good things that make the world a better place. She's a good person, Dad. The best person I know."
"So you are obsessed. How'd you let yourself get drawn into her snare?"
"It's not an obsession, it's love!"
His father sat back. "You're trying to say you love her? I'm not sure you know what love is. Love doesn't make you do irrational things that ruin your reputation."
"It made you move half way around the world."
"I didn't screw up my career in the process. Besides, I was twenty-three years old. You're thirty."
"Almost thirty-two," Frank mumbled.
"That's even worse. You're too old to be making foolish, impetuous decisions."
"Is that what Mom was? A foolish, impetuous decision? Is that what I was?"
"That's not what I meant!"
"Isn't it? You couldn't wait to get rid of me after Mom died!"
"I was young, understand? I wasn't even thirty, and suddenly I was a widower with a young child. I was lost and in over my head. So when your grandparents--what did you call them?"
"Pau-pau and Gon-gon," Frank answered.
"That. When they offered to take you, it seemed like the best solution for everyone. Certainly they were able to do a better job with you than I could."
"But I needed you," said Frank softly. His dad had always provided for him financially, and supplied him with plenty of cool gifts during his childhood and adolescence, and business tips and contacts as an adult. For a long time, that had been enough to make Frank consider him a good father. But since his conversation with Ryan, Frank had been recalling an earlier time, before his tears had dried up and his disappointment had hardened. At age five, he hadn't really been able to articulate all the pain he felt about the death of his mother and the abandonment of his father. The problem was made worse by his difficulty in communicating with his grandparents. They spoke some English but were much more comfortable in Cantonese, and when he first moved in with them, Frank's own Cantonese was very limited.
"I couldn't be there for you. If I could have, I would have been."
Remembering Ryan's words, Frank shook his head. "Yes, you could have. You made a choice. You didn't want the responsibility."
His father frowned and didn't respond. Their food had recently arrived, so both men handled the discomfort by beginning to eat. After some time, the elder Churchill asked, "What are you going to do now?"
"I don't know. I have to figure that out."
"I hope she's worth it."
Frank shrugged. "It doesn't matter. We're not together anymore."
"So... you decided she's not worth all the headache?"
Frank exhaled in frustration. "She broke up with me! And it was because of me, because I hurt her really badly. More than anything, I wish I could go back and somehow fix it."
"You would take her back?"
"In a heartbeat." Even after everything, after all the tension of the last couple months of their relationship and the pain of the breakup, Jane was still the best thing that had ever happened to him.
"Well then. I'm not sure I understand her influence on you, but I do want you to find happiness," his father said quietly.
Frank nodded. Their conversation paused again as they finished their meals. When Frank placed his fork down, he asked, "What are you doing in L.A. right now?"
"I've been traveling a bit, but I came back because Ryan called me," his dad answered. "He said you needed me."
"When I recollect all the uneasiness I occasioned her, and how little I deserve to be forgiven, I am mad with anger. If I could but see her again!"
Frank Churchill in Emma, ch. 50
"I play to win," Frank had told Emma the morning before his dinner with Jane at Azeen's. He had been so certain that all he needed to do was to show Jane he was serious about doing whatever it took to win her back, and she'd return to him. In one searing conversation she had smashed that hope, and he had finally gotten the message and stopped calling and texting her.
That didn't mean he had completely given up, but he was no longer confident that his efforts would eventually be successful. Still, he had to try, and for that reason, he had contacted Jane's aunt. Frank had let Maddy Bates select their meeting place, a vegan Caribbean restaurant in central L.A., figuring it was the least he could do since she was willing to meet with him at all.
Maddy was already waiting for him when he arrived. Before he could offer his hand, Maddy had embraced him in a huge hug that almost made him want to cry. He had forgotten how motherly the Bates women were.
"Great to see you, Frank," Maddy said when she released him. "I mean it."
He could tell that she did. "Great to see you, too." He meant it as well.
"I know you're a meat lover, but I think you'll like this place," Maddy told him as they found seats at an empty table. She wore her usual bright smile, so much like Jane's, but with the addition of deep dimples in her cheeks. Maddy was a bit taller than Jane but a lot chubbier, with natural hair worn in long, thick, tightly coiled curls around her head.
He requested a club soda with lime and then ordered the same meal choice as Maddy: fried tofu with jerk spices and sides of yams and cole slaw. He was grateful that Maddy was a talker, and was going on about the deliciousness of the food and the niceness of the owners, whom she had befriended during her years of eating there, and oh, wasn't she glad that the restaurant had air conditioning, since the mid-September extreme heat wave in L.A. hadn't yet abated. Her chattering was allowing him to put off his apology.
Frank finally gave himself a mental kick in the pants and interrupted her. "Maddy, listen..."
She stopped talking instantly. Apparently, she wanted to hear what he had to say.
"I'm really sorry about my behavior the night of the Boxx opening--"
"Why are you apologizing to me?"
"I know I did some things that hurt you."
Maddy shook her head, a slight smirk on her face. "Frank, come on. You didn't really hurt me. Now, you did hurt my girl, and I was kind of mad at you for a while about that."
"Yeah," Frank said softly, "I know."
She reached across the table and laid a hand on his forearm. "I do forgive you, Frank, for both the Boxx event and for Jane."
He furrowed his brow. "Why?" Why didn't this woman hate him?
"Life's too short to be filled with anger, or to hold onto a grudge. Did Jane ever tell you that I'm a cancer survivor?"
Frank nodded.
"When you go through something like that, you learn that you have to let stuff go. There's a lot of ugliness in the world, but there's a lot of beauty in it, too. I can decide what I let in to set up shop inside me. I choose the beauty."
Frank was quiet for a moment. "Do you think Jane will ever forgive me?"
"That's up to her."
"I know I don't deserve it. When I think about all the ways I hurt her, I get so mad at myself! I just wish I could see her again and help her really understand how sorry I am."
Maddy said nothing, but her expression was compassionate.
"Would you ask her if she'd be willing to see me again?"
Maddy shook her head. "Oh, no, no, no! I'm not getting in the middle of this. Jane is a grown woman. I know you've already talked. When she's ready to see you again, she'll let you know."
Frank sighed, and then welcomed the arrival of their lunches as a reprieve from his frustration. He ate for a while, letting Maddy prattle on about various topics, from the news to the heat again, to the state of her garden.
The mention of the Bates family garden reminded him of the jars of jam. Since Emma Approved had planned the Boxx restaurant opening event, Jane had offered to have Maddy's jams be a part of the gift bags, considering them in line with the restaurant's theme of organic, locally produced foods. The problem was, many of Maddy's flavor combinations left something to be desired, and Frank had encouraged Emma to leave them out. Maddy has brought a few jars with her, however, and when she was sharing them with the Boxx co-owners, Emma, who'd had more than a bit to drink that night, had publicly ridiculed them.
When Maddy mentioned that she was starting to gather supplies to can her fall harvest, he asked, "How'd you start?"
"Start what, canning?"
Frank nodded, suddenly curious about how Maddy came up with such combinations as blood orange-tomato and watermelon-olive-rhubarb.
"I think it was a desire not to let anything go to waste. Money was so tight when Jane was a girl and I was taking care of both her and Mama. I would always think, 'Let me can this before it spoils.'"
"Is that why you started mixing flavors?"
"Yeah," said Maddy. "It was like, 'okay, eggplant, I don't want to lose this eggplant, so what am I going to do with it? Hmm, wonder if it goes with peaches?'" She chuckled.
"May I be honest with you?"
"Of course."
He hesitated. "Your combinations don't always taste good."
Maddy sat back and observed him. "I gave you a few jars as gifts for things you did for us around the house. How come you never said anything before?"
Frank grimaced. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings."
"Oh, please. My daddy died when I was eleven. I lost my only sister and brother-in-law when I was twenty-one. Ten years ago I was puking my guts out and wondering if I'd live to see forty. I've had several men break my heart. I take Mama to dialysis three times a week, and I wonder each time how long she'll still be with us. You really think that telling me you don't like my jams was going to hurt me?"
"When you put it like that, it does sound pretty silly," Frank mumbled.
Maddy tapped her chin with her forefinger. "I think you and Jane both have a bit of a problem with truth-telling. I've told her that she might have resolved some of her problems with Emma a lot sooner if she had just been more honest with her. And I know that the two of you trying to pretend you weren't in a relationship was killing you."
He thought for a moment about how frustrating the secrecy of their relationship had been to him. Maddy was suggesting that the problem was bigger than that. "Jane said something to me in London once, about there being a public Frank Churchill, and how no one really knows the real one."
"Was she right?"
He hesitated and then reluctantly said, "Yes."
Maddy smiled sympathetically. "She should know. That's true of her in a lot of ways, too. Your mother died when you were really young, didn't she?"
Frank nodded.
"Maybe that's it, both of you losing your mothers when you were so young. You're both like these little lonely children with shells of protection around yourselves. No wonder you were drawn to each other."
"I really am sorry," Frank said, "for hurting Jane. She means the world to me."
"I know," Maddy replied. "But I think you both need this time apart to figure out who you really are. And to learn to be honest." She grinned. "So, how's the food?"
"It's good," Frank said.
She looked at him skeptically, and he quickly protested, "No, it really is, Maddy! I'm telling the truth!" The meal was spicy, flavorful, and surprisingly filling.
Maddy laughed. "I'm just messing with you! I believe you."
Number 1: Establish a foundation that will provide access to clean water at home and abroad. Ensure that the foundation is operational by September of 2015. Begin with overseas programs in Sierra Leone and local programs here in California.
Number 2: Provide support to Bates Financial Services so that Maddy's business is thriving within six months (March of 2015).
Number 3: Return to the United Together Children's Centre to adopt a child by age 30 (April of 2017).
As she did every morning, Jane reviewed the list of goals she had created in response to Bing's challenge to rediscover her dreams. She would achieve these things, regardless of the rumors swirling around her, or the irritating reporters who kept calling or stopping by her house to ask for more details about her "affair with Frank Churchill." "I'm not in a relationship with him, and I have no comment," was her answer to all of them. To maintain her sanity, she kept her mind focused on her goals, as well as on one of her favorite sayings, "There's enough in this world pushing you down. It doesn't make any sense to lower yourself to the ground to help them out."
This morning she had a breakthrough opportunity: she had been invited to a meeting with a former actor, Maxwell Howard, who had starred in several cop shows back in the '70s and '80s. In the 1990s, he had given up acting to start a philanthropic foundation that gave money to environmental causes. He operated a business selling green household and cleaning products, the profits of which supported the foundation. She hoped he would become the first major sponsor of her clean water charity.
The man who greeted her in his platinum LEED-certified Malibu home (constructed entirely of re-purposed or recycled materials, which she had learned about through an article on the Internet) was tanned, silver-haired, and extremely physically fit for a man in his seventies. He welcomed her and then led her out to a patio which overlooked the ocean.
A man whom Jane assumed was part of Maxwell Howard's household staff brought them a platter of fresh fruit, muffins and juice, which he laid on a glass table between them. Mr. Howard thanked him, and then poured glasses of orange juice for both him and Jane.
As Jane took a sip, he began, "I certainly was impressed with your proposal, Ms. Fairfax. There are quite a few clean water foundations working in the developing world, although of course they don't begin to address all the need. But I was especially intrigued by your plan to combine overseas work with local water activism."
Jane nodded. "As Americans, we tend to think our resources will last forever, but we can already see in some rural parts of this state that that's not true. I also want to get away from the idea that we're 'saving' people in poor countries. We're saving ourselves."
Maxwell Howard wore a thoughtful expression. "You're right, that sort of paternalism is definitely outmoded. Hence, 'Saving Water for Everyone' is an excellent name."
Jane didn't tell him that she had chosen it in part because so many names that she had considered for her foundation--Water for Life, Water for All, Water for the World--were already in use by other NGOs. She had selected her own foundation's name as a last-ditch effort to come up with anything. However, once she had chosen it, she realized that it was an inspired choice that really spoke to her convictions about how a program like this should operate.
Mr. Howard leaned forward. "I'm a very honest person, Ms. Fairfax, so I have to be truthful with you: I invited you here today not just because I liked your proposal, but also because your name had come to my attention via the media."
Jane swallowed and looked down. This was the situation she had been dreading, that of a potential supporter having seen the publicity about her and Frank. "I see," she said.
"I'm not concerned about you being called a radical environmentalist. I've been called that often enough in my own life. I have more concerns about you being fired from two jobs. That doesn't bode well for trusting in your competence or persistence."
"I wasn't fired from either job," she said slowly. "The organization I worked for in London lost the funding for my position, and the job here in L.A... it just wasn't a good match for my goals."
He asked some additional questions, but still seemed doubtful that Jane was telling the truth. She offered to provide a letter of recommendation from Eugenie, and he said he'd be willing to accept it. After asking for more details about her project, Mr. Howard said, "I don't know. I'll consider it, I'll read your letter of recommendation, but I'm not yet convinced you have what it takes to make this work."
Jane nodded, trying not to let her disappointment show on her face.
"Tell you what: if you can find at least three other significant donors willing to help fund your start-up costs, I'll begin to lean in your favor. I'm still not making any promises."
"I understand," Jane said. "And believe me, I am determined to make this happen. You will be hearing from me again, Mr. Howard."
He looked at her skeptically. "We shall see."
Jane made herself smile as she thanked him and shook his offered hand. She waited until she was in her car and had driven some distance away from Maxwell Howard's house before she let out a yelp of frustration. How long was she going to have to continue to deal with the fallout from her relationship with Frank?!
A few weeks after his meeting with Maddy, Frank entered a small office suite in a downtown building. From the marquee next to the elevator, it appeared that the building housed a number of nonprofit organizations. He introduced himself to the young Latina woman at the reception desk, and she said, "They're expecting you. You can go right into the conference room." She pointed to a nearby open door.
Two women were waiting for him in the small conference room, which held an oak table surrounded by six padded chairs on wheels. The walls were covered with large, brightly colored photographs of smiling people gathering around wells, lifting pump handles, or cupping their hands to catch cool, clear water.
The two women at the table rose to greet him. The shorter of the two, a white woman with a buzz cut that had to be prematurely gray because she didn't look older than thirty-five, introduced herself as Lyndsey McColm, Director of Development for the Hygienic H2O Project. The other woman, a tall, slender, and stunningly beautiful Ethiopian woman who spoke in very refined English, introduced herself as Yohanna Bekele, one of the field directors based in her native country.
Frank grinned. "You've come a long way. Thanks for coming to L.A. to meet with me."
She smiled back. "I am here for a visit anyway. I have some family in Los Angeles."
"It's great for me to have her here," said Ms. McColm. "She can tell donors the first-hand stories of the difference their contributions are making much better than I can. And speaking of contributions, please have a seat, Mr. Churchill. We'd love to hear your offer."
"Call me Frank," he said.
She smiled. "First names it is! Please call us Lyndsey and Yohanna. So, we were pretty surprised to receive your call. Your name's been in the news lately."
He hoped that she was only referring to his sale of the Richmond stocks, and not about the rumors regarding Jane. Jane had a contact at Hygienic H2O, but he wasn't sure whether either of these women were the one.
"Yes, well," he began. "It's probably obvious that I had sort of a crisis of conscience."
"It was a welcome one from our perspective," Yohanna said. "The misery when people do not have access to clean water is untold."
"I can imagine," he said. "I'm here today because I made quite a bit on the sale of my shares, and I'd like to donate it to your project."
Lyndsey and Yohanna exchanged looks. "How much are we talking about?" Lyndsey asked.
"Twenty-two million."
Both women stared at him in shock for some time. Lyndsey recovered first. "Frank, I appreciate your generosity, but there's no way we could accept that money."
"Why not? Do you consider it tainted because of the source?"
"No; in fact, your offer is more like poetic justice. But our current budget is 1.8 million. You're talking about offering us more than ten times that amount. We wouldn't be able to do anything with that much money."
"Wouldn't you like to provide ten times as much clean water as you do right now?"
"It's not that simple," said Yohanna.
Frank frowned. "I don't understand."
"We can't scale up fast enough to use it," said Lyndsey.
"It takes a long time to carry out one of our clean water projects," Yohanna explained. "We have to work closely with a community to make sure this is a project they want and will support. The worst thing is to go into a village and take over without the consent of the people who live there. Many Westerners have done this in my country over the years, and the results do more harm than good."
Frank suddenly recalled Jane making a similar statement about people who, "offer something that at best doesn't help, and at worst, causes actual harm" back when he tried to donate the instruments.
Yohanna went on. "The people may not understand the equipment that has been set up, or they may view it with suspicion, because it wouldn't be the first time Westerners have built something to exploit their resources. Or even if they accept the project, they may not know how to maintain it. Before we do anything, we make sure we have cultivated the support and trust of the people. After that, there is a long education process about what we are trying to do."
Lyndsey nodded. "We're not just digging wells and building latrines. We also do a significant amount of education around hygiene and sanitation, and as Yohanna mentioned, about maintaining the equipment after we're gone. It does no good to invest the money and effort if the actual people it's meant to serve can't sustain the project. That takes a lot of trust, and it takes time to build."
"Once the relationships with the villagers are established," Yohanna added, "we then need to obtain the permission of the local government."
Lydnsey laughed. "And that's a whole 'nother level of trust we need to develop!"
"So you don't want this donation?" Frank exhaled in frustration. He had spent his adult life trying to make as much money as he could, and here was this organization--and Jane and Sustainable London before them--turning it down. It was hard for him to fathom how people or groups who had financial needs could decline money that was legally acquired. Somehow, for them, other values or priorities were more important.
"Well," Lyndsey said, "there are many other things you can do. The villages where we work need clean water, but they also need much more. Many of them need health clinics, schools, roads, job training; the needs are endless. And there are other NGOs working in the regions we serve. If you want to give that twenty-two million, there are plenty of places to put it."
"But if I spread it around that much, it becomes a drop in the bucket. No pun intended," Frank said.
Lyndsey nodded. "True. That doesn't mean it won't make a difference."
Frank remembered something else Jane had said: "There are so many stories of do-gooders who never bothered to ask the people they were trying to help what they actually needed." Perhaps that was what he needed to do. "So... what can I do for you?"
Yohanna smiled. "You can always sponsor a project. Once all the support and approval for a project is in place, we then need to fund it. Major sponsors are a huge help with that."
"How much is it to sponsor a project?"
"It varies, but the average cost is about $15,000," Lyndsey told him.
Frank pulled out his checkbook and quickly wrote a check, handing it to her.
"$15,060?" Lyndsey raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Why the sixty?"
He smiled slightly. "The amount is meaningful to me."
"Thank you, truly," said Yohanna. "When your sponsored project is completed, we will invite you to a celebration in the village, and your name will appear on a plaque beside it."
Frank frowned. "Please don't do that. I want this gift to be anonymous." If Jane was still in touch with Hygienic H2O, he didn't want her finding out. She'd think it was another attempt by him to get her back, and it wasn't. He didn't want to risk her wrath again. No, he wanted to give this donation because... because it was the right thing to do.
"That is a shame," said Yohanna. "The villagers usually like to know that there are real people behind these projects. It's important to know that there are other people in the world who care."
Frank thought about that for a moment. "I have to decline the invitation to come to a celebration, but if you need a name for the plaque, please say it's a gift from Audrey Leung." He didn't think Jane would recognize the name.
"And she is?" asked Lyndsey.
"She was my mother."
"I never can be blameless. I have been acting contrary to all my sense of right."
Jane Fairfax in Emma, ch. 48
During the last week in October, Frank found himself in his element at the VERGE conference on sustainable technology in San Francisco. Unlike the renewable energy conference he'd attended in February in Pune, India that had focused on scientific research still under development, this event highlighted innovative technologies ready to go to market. There was even a vendor exhibit structured to enable creative entrepreneurs to court investors like him, during which he discovered he was very much in demand. With the Rockefeller Brothers' decision in late September to divest of all their holdings in fossil fuel industries, Frank's withdrawal from Richmond Corporation now seemed as though he was anticipating a trend rather than making a reckless move. Lighter-hearted than he'd been in months, Frank made the most of opportunities to socialize and develop new business connections.
The conference ran from Monday through Thursday, and on Wednesday morning, Frank rose early, energized and ready for another day. A buffet breakfast was set up every morning in the lobby of the Palace Hotel, so after an early morning workout, he showered, dressed, and took the elevator downstairs to eat.
Jane stepped out of the limousine in front of the entrance of the Palace Hotel, unsure whether or not she was expected to tip the driver. The driver seemed to sense her hesitation. "You're fine, ma'am. What time should I return for you?"
"Seven," Jane answered, looking down at the program she'd printed off. Seven was the time that the day's events, including the evening networking reception, would end.
"Very good," he answered. He tipped his hat before driving off.
Jane smiled as she smoothed her skirt and jacket. Caroline hadn't been kidding when she'd said that her friend Gigi Darcy would take care of her. Although Jane had managed to save much of her salary during her three months working at Emma Approved (living at home was a big help for that), she was running through her savings quickly now that she no longer had a full-time job. Attending this conference was eating up a huge chunk of that money. She had only paid for one day, which was $800; attending the entire conference would have cost her three times that amount. On top of that, her airfare to San Francisco had been another $150. Jane had selected Wednesday as the day she would attend because that day offered the most workshops on the topic of sustainable water systems. Prior to leaving L.A., Jane had prayed that the outlay would be worth it, giving her access to the latest knowledge about ways to ensure large-scale access to clean water, as well as contacts that would help her roll out her foundation.
Caroline, bless her, had again helped her tremendously, arranging for Jane to stay with Gigi instead of having to pay for a hotel room. Gigi, one of the scions of the Pemberley Digital media empire headquartered in San Fran, had been wonderfully hospitable when Jane arrived the night before, offering her a lovely guest room and private bath, and taking her out to dinner with her brother William, who served as Pemberley's CEO, and William's girlfriend Lizzie Bennet. They had asked a number of questions about her foundation, and at the end of it, William offered, on his own initiative, start-up funding once her plans were finalized.
"That would be awesome! Thank you!" Jane exclaimed. Along with the contributions of Bing and his family, that would make two of the three large dollar supporters she needed to help convince Maxwell Howard to support her foundation. The Darcy name especially might influence him.
Lizzie, who operated her own smaller-scale media company, volunteered to produce marketing videos for Jane. Lizzie winked at Jane and pointed at her boyfriend. "And don't worry about the cost. He'll pay for it." Finally, on top of all their other generosity, Gigi had offered Jane the use of her driver throughout her stay in San Francisco.
With so much good coming from her trip already, Jane knew that the journey had been worthwhile, even if the conference itself turned out to be a bust. She arrived early on Wednesday morning in order to register for the day and to eat breakfast. After signing in at the registration table and picking up her packet, she made her way over to the buffet table. Included among the other foods were some delicious-looking vegan offerings, such as blueberry waffles and tofu scramble. Jane filled her plate and walked over to a small open table.
"Jane," she heard behind her.
She closed her eyes and exhaled, knowing the voice. Her good mood suddenly dissipated.
"Jane," she heard again, this time closer to her. She clenched her teeth and turned to face Frank, who, uninvited, took a seat at the table opposite her.
"What do you want?" she snapped.
Frank had been very surprised when he spotted Jane in the buffet line, but he shouldn't have been. This was certainly the type of event to capture Jane's interest. Here was the chance he had been awaiting for weeks. He didn't want to lose the opportunity to talk to her, so he had quickly picked up his plate and coffee cup and made his way over to her table. "It's good to see you here," he answered, determined to converse with her despite her initial coldness.
One of the waitstaff, a tall, boyish-looking young man, approached their table with a coffee pot in hand and refilled Frank's cup. "Would you like some, ma'am?" he asked Jane.
"No, thank you," she answered. "I'd prefer tea. Do you have any ginger tea?" Looking pointedly at Frank, she added, "I've heard it's good for nausea."
The waiter gave her a funny look. "I can bring you a pot of hot water and a variety of tea bags. I'll check whether we have ginger."
Jane waved him off with a dismissive, "Whatever."
She was aware that Frank had been watching her the whole time, so once the waiter departed, she said, "Is there a reason why you're sitting here?"
Frank frowned. This was not the Jane he had known. He had been on the receiving end of her anger enough times to know she had a temper, but that was usually after he had done something stupid. He had never seen her act this way toward someone who didn't deserve it, like the poor waiter. He cleared his throat. "I hoped we could talk."
"I don't have anything to say to you."
"Then maybe I can talk."
"I doubt I want to hear it."
Frank was silent for a moment, frowning. "You were always a kind person, Jane. What happened?"
She shook her head in disbelief. "I don't know, maybe getting my heart broken? That tends to have a negative effect."
Sucker punch to the gut. Once more, it was his fault. "Jane, I'm really, really sorry."
The waiter returned with a hot water pot, a teacup, and a set of tea bags. Jane took her time pouring a cup of hot water, steeping a tea bag--peppermint, not ginger--in it, and slowly adding in a packet of sugar and stirring it. Finally, she turned back to Frank. "Your apology is meaningless. You still don't get it."
He started speaking quickly, wanting to fight past her wall of anger, hating to see her coming across so nasty, but most of all, so damaged, by what he had done to her. "I think I do now. You were right before. I deliberately tried to hurt you, and I can understand why you can't forgive that. I don't expect you to, or to take me back."
She gave a bitter laugh. "Good, because it's not going to happen."
"Jane--" At this she looked down, studying her fingernails, giving him the equivalent of 'la la la, I can't hear you!' Still, he pressed on. "I wanted to talk to you because I've been thinking about how we should never have decided to keep our relationship secret." His conversation with Maddy the previous month had continued to weigh heavily on his mind.
There was a small chip on her left ring finger. She rubbed her thumb over it. "I see. So you think everything would have worked out if we had just emblazoned your name to the world."
"This isn't about me."
She had to look up at that. "Oh, I see. I'm the one who screwed everything up, is that it? Un-be-lievable."
"No, I did, and I know that. But I think we had bigger problems than me being a jerk." Watching her like this--and the guilt of knowing he was the cause--was killing him. "Jane, you're fundamentally an honest person, so lying to the world was eating away at you. It was eating away at me, and I don't have your conscience. And you're fundamentally a caring person, and so I hate seeing you act like this."
She gripped the edge of the table. "You have NO. RIGHT. to judge my life. It is not your place!"
"I know. I just... Forget how you're acting toward me, look at how you just treated the waiter. You're better than this. You're a better person than you were before I changed you, and you're a better person than you're being right now. I don't want you to lose that. If you keep your principles but lose your kindness, you become, I don't know... Diggy."
She didn't answer. Disappointed--no, crushed was more like it--Frank knew that beating the drum some more wouldn't make any difference. "Forget it. You're right, it's not my place to say anything about your life anymore." He stood up, gathered his plate and coffee cup, and walked away, searching for someplace else to finish his breakfast.
Frank struggled to regain his enthusiasm for the rest of the conference, but visiting the Interconnect Expo, an interactive technology showcase, later that day helped to restore it. He was able to try out a solar-charged hovering skateboard straight out of the old Back to the Future movies, and play with a 3-D virtual reality gaming headset. Although such fun items weren't meant to be the highlight of the expo--that would be the fully-functioning mini-city powered entirely by a microgird and renewable energy sources--he'd still joked with someone that he felt like a kid at Disneyland again.
Frank received a pass to the invitation-only After Dark Party on Wednesday night, where he was able to mingle with green business executives, public officials and other investors. He found himself talking to a woman named Monica D'Agostino, the CEO of a Portland, Oregon company that made smartphone apps for locating eco-friendly services in cities across the world. Monica was in her mid-thirties, tall, dark-haired and attractive.
After discussing the highlights of the conference with him, Monica handed him her business card. "I'm often in Los Angeles. Let's get together for a drink sometime."
"I--" Frank said, totally flummoxed at how to reply.
She looked at him coyly. "You're not seeing anyone, are you?"
The old Frank Churchill would have been all over this situation, but the new Frank, the post-Jane one, suddenly had no idea how to handle a woman who was flirting with him. "No, I'm not," he finally said.
Monica smiled at his awkwardness, and then made a small O with her mouth. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize! Have you met Noah Phillips? He's a Silicon Valley whiz kid and a really funny guy. I think you'd like him. He's single, too." She pointed out a handsome man of about forty across the room.
Frank recovered himself and answered, "No, I haven't, but I'll be sure to meet him tonight."
Monica smiled and said a few parting words before walking away. Frank chuckled as he watched her go. She'd assumed he'd hesitated because he was gay. Perhaps that was for the best. He didn't know how to explain to himself, let alone anyone else, that his ex-girlfriend was still so present in his thoughts and heart that the idea of going out with another woman felt like cheating to him, especially after the fiasco with Emma. He wasn't ready now, but he knew he'd have to find a way to get over this at some point. He was just thirty-two. He certainly didn't plan to avoid female companionship forever.
Jane exhaled and ran her fingers through her hair after Frank walked away from her table at breakfast. Her comment about nausea had been a joke, albeit a mean one, but now she really felt that way. She pushed her plate away from her and sipped from her teacup, hoping the mint would soothe her stomach. Why had she let Frank get to her like that? How had it happened that his mere presence had transformed her from happy and excited about the conference and her future, to so angry and vicious?
"You become, I don't know... Diggy." Jane swallowed. Who was Frank to say anything like this about her? "You're fundamentally an honest person ... you're fundamentally a caring person ... you're better than this..." She closed her eyes. Crap. Frank had been complimenting her, trying to remind her about what she used to be like. Had she changed so much? Was she really on her way to becoming Diggy, someone who might have stood for some good things, but lived his life in utter ugliness toward real people? She had been rude to the waiter--and to Frank.
She turned to look around for both him and the waiter. She no longer saw Frank, but the waiter was walking around, still filling coffee cups. She waved him over, and although he hesitated, he approached her. "May I get you anything else?"
"No, I just wanted to apologize for my rudeness earlier."
The man smiled. "No problem. You sure there's nothing else you need?"
"I'm sure, thank you," Jane told him. He nodded and walked away. Jane blew out her breath as she watched him go. Breakfast was included in the registration fee, but she was certain that at least in this case, tips were still allowed. She pulled out a ten dollar bill and left it on the table before rising to go to the ballroom for the first plenary session.
The conference was informative, but Jane felt so disheartened by her early morning behavior that she did very little networking. She phoned Gigi to ask whether her driver could return at 5:30, after the last workshop of the day but before the evening reception. Her dampened mood was obvious to her hostess, who asked Jane what was the matter after she was dropped off at the Darcy home. "I saw an ex-boyfriend of mine at the conference today," Jane told her.
"Was it a bad breakup?" Gigi asked.
Jane nodded.
"I've been there. I was in a relationship where I was really betrayed, and it took me a long time to get over it. If I had run into him unexpectedly, I'd have had a really hard time with it, too."
Jane nodded again, but Frank's betrayal wasn't foremost on her mind at the moment. His words today kept echoing in her head: "Lying to the world was eating away at you... you become, I don't know... Diggy... you're better than this."
"Do you like Vietnamese food?" Gigi asked.
Jane smiled slightly. "I love it."
"Then come on," Gigi slipped an arm into Jane's. "Let's go out and get some."
Gigi made sure that their evening together was very pleasurable, encouraging Jane to tell stories of her travels and her favorite music and books, and sharing her own. "You play the piano!" Gigi said gleefully. "For some reason everyone expects me to be able to play, and I don't, so I'm always delighted to meet someone who's really good at it."
Jane departed San Francisco the next morning with a promise to stay in touch with her new friend. Once she was alone again during the flight back to Los Angeles, however, her encounter with Frank returned to her mind. When she arrived home, Aunt Maddy and Grandma were likewise very perceptive at picking up on Jane's sadness, asking her what was wrong. "What did you think when I asked you to keep my relationship with Frank a secret?" she asked them.
Both Maddy and Grandma were quiet for a while. Finally, Aunt Maddy said, "I hated it. I hate lying, Jane, and you were asking me to do something that went against everything I thought was right."
"So why did you agree to it?"
"Because you asked, sugar puff, and it was important to you. It was your relationship, after all. You've never been frivolous, Jane. You wouldn't ask something of us if you didn't have a good reason."
Jane ruminated on her aunt's words. Had she really had a good reason? She thought she had when she first returned to the U.S. It seemed like the easiest solution, the best way to prevent Frank from overshadowing her career, especially after his misbegotten plan to pay for her job at Sustainable London. But looking back, it now appeared to be a ridiculous idea.
Or maybe not. She kept thinking about the article that claimed she had been fired from her jobs in London and Los Angeles. Although the media had stopped contacting her and had moved on to newer stories, the prior gossip still had the effect of making some people she approached to support her foundation wary of working with her. It was the very thing she had feared, the kind of scandalous rumors that would come from being attached to Frank and had the potential to damage her attempts to pursue her projects.
"Frank hated it, too," Grandma suddenly said.
"What?" said Jane.
Her grandmother looked at her kindly. "Baby, you were the one he loved and was proud of, the person he prized most on earth. He wanted to show you off, and he couldn't. No matter how good things were between you behind closed doors or under the sheets, he wasn't going to like hiding you away from the world."
Jane gasped at her religious grandmother, a little stunned to hear Grandma refer to her sex life. Catching her expression, Grandma chuckled and said, "Don't look at me like that, child. You think I didn't know how often you left with him after I went to bed? Nothing is new under the sun. I was a young woman once, too."
Maddy burst out laughing. "Jane, sugar puff, you should see your face right now! We older ladies know more about the world than you think."
Jane couldn't join in their laughter. Tears pricked her eyes. "I really screwed up, didn't I?"
"Jane, everybody makes mistakes in love," Maddy answered. "You just need to learn from it, that's all."
Jane went to her room a short while later to think about the conversation. All this time she had been attributing her anger to Frank and their breakup, but she was starting to see that her anger had begun long before. Grandma and Aunt Maddy and Frank were all communicating something similar: that the lying had started the downward spiral.
A memory came to her: of Frank blurting out the name of the secret owner of the Boxx restaurant, something Emma had been keeping under wraps to build excitement and momentum for the opening event. The employees of Emma Approved had signed non-disclosure agreements not to reveal the name, and yet somehow Jane had let it slip to Frank, and Frank had let it slip to Emma. Once Emma learned that Frank knew, she had freaked out, thinking that word had gotten out to the world. It hadn't, of course; it went no further than Frank. But because Jane and Frank were already concealing their relationship, Jane had to conceal the truth about how Frank learned about the secret owner as well. The Sir Walter Scott quote came to mind: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we first we practise to deceive!" One lie had led to another. Her deceit had added to Emma's stress in the days prior to the Boxx opening, which had exacerbated the tensions between Emma and her.
Jane suddenly felt disgusted with herself. Like Maddy, she had acted contrary to all her sense of right, and more than at Frank, more than at Emma, the anger she had been filled with the last several months had been at herself. She could never be blameless--it had been her choice, after all, to hide the relationship. As a result, she was becoming a person she didn't much like. She was changing into Diggy, who epitomized a saying she had once heard, "he loves humanity, but hates human beings." She didn't want to be that way. Maybe Caroline had been right in saying she was too idealistic, maybe she did need a harder shell for protection, but she had been taught by her family to love and to care, and this harsh, angry woman she was becoming now horrified her. A thicker skin was one thing; nastiness was another.
She thought about her dream list. Could she become a mother to a child who had lived through deprivation and give him or her the love they needed when she had so little love in her heart right now? Could she maintain a vision for her foundation when her mind was filled with cynicism?
She couldn't, she realized. If she didn't change, none of her dreams would come true. She had to get past this. "You're better than this," Frank had said. She'd find a way to prove him right.
[Jane is speaking] "I long to make apologies, excuses, to urge something for myself. I feel it so very due. But, unfortunately--in short, if your compassion does not stand my friend--"
"Oh! you are too scrupulous, indeed you are," cried Emma, warmly, and taking her hand. "You owe me no apologies; and everybody to whom you might be supposed to owe them, is so perfectly satisfied, so delighted even--"
"You are very kind, but I know what my manners were to you. So cold and artificial! I had always a part to act. It was a life of deceit! I know that I must have disgusted you."
"Pray say no more. I feel that all the apologies should be on my side. Let us forgive each other at once."
Jane Fairfax and Emma Woodhouse in Emma, chapter 52
Not long after her return from San Francisco, Jane called Emma to invite her to lunch. Emma was willing, eager even, to meet with her, much to Jane's relief. The other woman was livelier than the last time Jane had seen her, which was almost a return to her earlier high-spirits. Almost. The overconfidence and pushiness, two qualities that for so long had defined Emma and rubbed Jane the wrong way, were decidedly muted, if not gone altogether.
Jane began their time together by referencing Emma's earlier apology. "Even though some of the things you said were hard to hear, I appreciate your willingness to be honest with me. And you were sincere. I appreciate that, too."
"I was," Emma said. "I know I did a lot of things to you that were pretty awful. I just hope that you don't hate me."
"I don't hate you," Jane assured her. "In fact, I have some things to apologize for myself."
Emma shook her head. "Oh, no, Jane! You don't have anything to apologize for!"
"Yes, I do," Jane insisted. "It was me who told Frank about the Boxx owner."
Emma grinned. "Oh, come on, I figured that out as soon as I learned you two were together!"
"Still," Jane said. "I should have told you when it happened. You were so stressed out about it, and I let you stay that way, because I didn't want to come clean about my relationship with Frank. I was so tense about the whole thing that it affected my attitude at work. I was irritable and snappy with you because I felt so guilty. There were already problems between us, and my deceit just made it worse."
"You know what?" Emma said, after observing her for a moment. "I accept your apology. I know how much relief I've felt to make my own apologies and have other people accept them, so I'm guessing you'll feel the same way. So now we can forgive each other and wipe the slate clean." Her smile widened as she waved her hand in front of herself as if erasing a chalkboard.
Jane laughed then, the first time the two women had shared a laugh in--well, almost forever.
In mid-November, Frank had a brilliant idea--of course, he had never been shy about claiming such a thing for himself. It began one evening when he had once more joined Ryan and Annie for dinner. Their invitations to him had increased over the last few months, but what was more surprising, his acceptance rate for those invitations had increased as well.
At thirty-two weeks, Annie's baby bump was huge, although with her height she carried it well. Frank had teased her about being unable to reach the stove during her cooking show, and she admitted that she was soon going to take a leave of absence. "It's really getting to be too much," she said.
"This time of year especially," added Ryan. "Everyone wants caterers, and Annie is in high demand, but she needs to take it easy."
"I'm fine," Annie insisted. "But I do need to think about getting ready for the baby, and a busy holiday season won't leave me with much time. So I've decided to take a break from it all."
"For how long?" Frank asked.
"A year."
"Really?"
Annie nodded. "I want to spend a lot of quality time with the baby. I can't picture being able to do that with my current busy schedule and having to fight traffic to go out to a catering job or drive to the studio."
"I think we'll host a few big dinner parties here, though," said Ryan. "Annie wants to keep her toes in the water with the culinary arts industry."
Frank grinned. "So cooking for your brother-in-law isn't enough?"
"Nope," Annie laughed. "You have a big appetite, but not that big. I'm just trying to figure out how to balance staying on top of my game while still devoting most of my time to our daughter."
Reflecting on the conversation later that night, Frank had a sudden inspiration and began to take notes on a legal pad. About a week later, those notes had turned into a ten-page business plan, of which Frank had three copies printed and inserted in presentation covers. He then contacted two people to meet him for lunch.
"So what is this big idea of yours?" Annie asked as she sat down to join him.
"I'm curious myself," added Maddy, who sat next to Annie and opposite Frank.
Frank passed each of them a copy of the proposal. Annie smiled as she flipped through the pages. "Do you want us to read this now?"
"No, you can read it later, but I'll summarize what's in it. Maddy," he turned to her, "likes to make jams. She also makes and cans a few other food items, such as mustards and marinades. But, if it's okay for me to say this, her flavors sometimes leave something to be desired."
Maddy smiled and nodded, indicating that his words were okay.
"Now, Annie," he turned to his sister-in-law, "is a chef. She has a culinary arts degree and a commercial kitchen in her house. She wants to take some time off with her baby coming, but also wants to stay involved in the food industry." Frank spread his arms out to both women. "My idea is to have you work together to create a viable and marketable food line."
"I'm listening," Maddy said. "Now you really have me interested."
"Oh, me, too!" said Annie.
"Maddy, do you remember when you told me that you started combining different fruits and vegetables in your jams because you didn't want anything to go to waste?"
Maddy nodded.
"The idea of zero waste is actually trendy now with people who are eco-conscious. In addition, you have a lot of parents who want to find ways to get their kids to eat more vegetables. That's why V8 is able to make juices that combine fruits and vegetables and promise a full serving of vegetables in each bottle. So why not do the same thing with other foods kids like to eat, like jams or maybe even puddings?"
He turned back to Annie. "And here's where you come in. I'd like you to figure out a way to make Maddy's foods taste good."
"And you think we can market this?" Annie asked.
Frank pointed to the business plan. "I do. I have several ideas outlined in here. First of all, the schools are trying to offer healthier foods to kids in keeping with the First Lady's guidelines. We can try to make Maddy's foods a part of the school breakfast and lunch menu. In keeping with the idea of zero waste, we can give points to schools that recycle our packaging, and a certain number of points will enable a school to receive a small monetary donation."
"Like the 'Boxtops for Schools' program," Maddy said. "I remember cutting those out when Jane was a kid."
"Right. So that's one market: health conscious parents and schools. The second market is where we'll really look for profits: upscale, environmentally conscious consumers, who like the idea of locally produced, organic foods, who will love the idea of zero waste, and who might be open to trying creative combinations of jams, condiments, and marinades. There are sixteen million people in the greater L.A. area, and a lot of them fit that profile."
"I like it," said Annie.
"So do I," Maddy said.
"But here's the thing," Frank reminded them, "none of this will work unless your foods taste really good. If you two can figure out a way to create some delicious recipes, then I'll provide all the financing, and I promise you, I'll get this to market and make it sell."
"Frank, you would do this for us?" Maddy said, her expression really touched. "This is amazing!"
"It is!" echoed Annie. "So, we'll have to come up with a name for our company. Maybe we can combine our names and call it, 'Mannie'?"
Frank gaped at her in horror. "Oh no! No, you WON'T! You two better go to the drawing table and figure out something else for a name, because I'm not putting my money into anything called Mannie!"
Both ladies burst out laughing.
"Can you cook?" were the first words out of Caroline's mouth when Jane answered her call.
"Yes, I can cook," Jane answered, puzzled by the abrupt question.
"Oh, good! What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"
"We're having dinner with friends of the family." Given Caroline's feelings about Emma, Jane thought it wise not to mention that the friends were the Woodhouses.
"They can spare you, right? Because I need you!"
"What's this about, Caroline?"
"James' family is coming for dinner, and I said I'd cook! I tried to make Thanksgiving dinner for my family and friends two years ago, and it was a disaster!"
Jane frowned, disturbed. Caroline was asking her to cook her Thanksgiving dinner. Not inviting her over as a guest, but asking her to cook. "As I said, we have plans."
"But I need you, Jane! James' parents are bringing the turkey, and I'm supposed to make the side dishes! But I can't cook at all! Trust me, I've tried it!"
"Did you volunteer for this?"
"Yes!"
"Why?" Why would Caroline offer to do something she couldn't do?
"To make sure all the sides are vegan, and to impress them."
Jane smiled despite herself. "And you want me to impress them instead."
"No, we'll do it together! You can teach me as we go along. And then you'll join us for dinner."
Ah, so there was at least a dinner invitation in there. Jane sighed. Caroline had done a lot for her during the past several months. Helping her cook Thanksgiving dinner was a small favor to ask in return. "Let me talk to my aunt and grandmother, and get back to you about it."
She wondered whether Caroline would then offer to invite Maddy and Grandma as well, but she did not. "Please let me know soon, because I really, really need your help!"
When the call ended, Jane went to find Aunt Maddy, who was sitting on the sofa in the living room folding a clean load of laundry. "Aunt Maddy," Jane said, "Caroline asked me to help her make Thanksgiving dinner for her husband's family. Would you feel okay about that? Since that means I wouldn't be with you and Grandma?"
"Caroline's helped you out a lot, hasn't she?" Maddy said as she placed a blouse on a hanger.
Jane nodded.
"Then if she needs you, you need to be there for her." Maddy grinned. "You can pinch that cute senator's cheeks for me."
That was easy, Jane thought with a smile.
"Hey, I have a question for you, too. Frank has a business idea. He wants to work with Annie and me to bring my jams to market. What do you think about that?"
Jane was surprised, to say the least. "He thinks people will buy them?"
"That's why he wants me to work with Annie, so she can help me figure out good flavor combinations. But he has some creative ideas, and thinks they'll really sell."
"Then go for it."
"I just want to make sure you don't feel funny about me working with Frank like this."
Jane shook her head. "Not at all." A thought came to her. "Are you going to be meeting with him regularly?"
When Maddy said yes, Jane asked, "Would you be willing to take him a note from me?" She had never had a chance to apologize to him in San Francisco, and it had been weighing on her conscience.
"Jane!" Maddy scolded. "I'm not passing notes between you and Frank."
"It would just be one time, Aunt Maddy. I don't know if I'm up to talking to him or seeing him, and a text seems too impersonal. You can tell him he doesn't have to respond. I promise you, it will just be this one time."
Maddy reluctantly agreed, so Jane went back to her room to write the note. After several fits and starts, she finally decided to keep it simple. She wrote,
Dear Frank,Please accept my apology for my abominable behavior at the VERGE conference. Thank you for what you said to me that day. It was enlightening, and something I really need to hear.
Jane
On Thursday, November 27, Jane found herself at the Elton's Encino home, helping Caroline to make savory sweet potatoes with garlic and basil, cranberries with pears, walnuts and ginger, brown rice and wild rice dressing, macaroni with a cashew "cheese" sauce, and a mixed green salad. For dessert they would have apple pie with coconut milk whipped topping.
"Smells good in here," James said as he entered the kitchen.
"Your family is going to love it," Caroline smiled. "How does the dining room look?"
"Table's all set, the cornucopia is laid out, and I've chosen the wine," he answered.
"Ohh, my caro sposo," Caroline said, making a kissy face at him. "You're so wonderful!"
He grinned and made one back. "I'm leaving now to pick up Gran."
"His grandmother lives in an assisted living facility in Pasadena," Caroline explained to Jane.
Before walking out, James hugged and kissed his wife, turning to Jane and saying, "Isn't she beautiful and amazing?"
"Oh, stop!" Caroline said, but she preened and tossed her hair over her shoulder. Jane suppressed her laughter. They certainly had mushiness down.
After the senator left, Jane asked what Caroline's family was doing for Thanksgiving. "My parents went to visit Bing and Jane in New York. They haven't set a wedding date yet, so I think they plan to bug them about it."
"Gigi tells me that she and her brother are having dinner with Jane and Lizzie's family."
Caroline rolled her eyes. "Poor things. The Bennets live in the middle of this podunk town in Nowheresville, California, and they are a nightmare."
"What do you mean?" Jane asked, really puzzled. Jane and Lizzie Benent both seemed to be very nice people, so she couldn't imagine their family being any different.
"They're loud and uncouth and embarrassing."
Jane was quiet for a moment, thinking. "You've met my aunt," she finally said. "She's pretty loud and on occasion she has embarrassed me. Some might say she's uncouth."
Caroline sighed. "I wasn't comparing her to them."
"I didn't think you were, but I know what some people think about her. But you know what?"
"What?"
"My aunt is also loving, caring, generous, forgiving, and wise. If loud and embarrassing are part of that package, I'll take it, because she's the best aunt I could ever imagine having. Lizzie and Jane might feel the same way about their family."
Caroline wasn't willing to concede the point. "Of course you always love your family, no matter what they're like. That doesn't mean other people should have to put up with them."
Instead of taking offense, Jane grinned, the desire to tease Caroline arising. "They're going to be your family, too, once Bing gets married."
Caroline groaned, and Jane laughed. "Maybe you should start looking for those better qualities in them, since you'll be stuck with them!"
"Let's talk about something else," Caroline said, her irritation evident. "Like your foundation. How is it going?"
Jane waggled her head to indicate so-so. "Slowly. I'm trying to set up a meeting with someone from the L.A. Unified School District, to talk about bringing water conservation information into the schools. It's hard opening those doors."
"You'll find a way. Like I said before, your talents were wasted at your old job, with that conceited Emma and that pathetic Harriet."
Jane looked at her sharply. Caroline's remark about Emma she could understand, but why would she say that about Harriet? "Harriet's a really sweet person, and she's very hardworking and creative. She's not pathetic at all. I find her rather impressive."
Caroline rolled her eyes again. "Okay, maybe she's not completely pathetic. I did see some moxie in her at times that I wasn't expecting. But can you believe that she used to think James wanted a relationship with her?"
"She used to like James?"
Caroline nodded. "How dare she?"
Jane shrugged. "He's smart, good-looking, and successful. Why shouldn't she like him? Anyway, it's obviously over, since he's married to you and Harriet has a boyfriend now." For the past several months, Harriet had been dating Robert Martin, a really cute, kind of geeky guy who sometimes provided IT support at Emma Approved.
"But he's mine! Who was she to think that someone like her could be with someone like James?"
Jane looked closely at Caroline, pondering the intensity of her reaction to Harriet's former crush on her husband. As she watched the expression of indignation on Caroline's face, Jane could suddenly see the vulnerable and somewhat insecure woman beneath the brash, confident mask Caroline usually wore. "Caroline, do you remember what you said to me at the spa about why you picked Emma Approved to plan your engagement party?"
"I wanted to show Emma that I won," Caroline replied.
"Exactly. When James was here, it was obvious to me how much he loves and admires you. He's an incredible man with a lot of influence in this state, who may one day have a lot of influence in the entire country. And he chose you. So you don't have to worry about Emma or Harriet or any other woman, and you certainly don't have to put them down. You won, Caroline. You won."
Caroline stared at Jane for a moment, and slowly she began to smile. "Yeah, I guess I did."
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