Trying Patience
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Julia had not intended for such a silence to follow upon her words. She looked from one face to the other, wishing she had never mentioned that word. They all looked as if they never kissed anybody themselves.
"He greeted you with a kiss?" Mr. Henson was all astonishment.
"Oh, I never should have spoken!" she cried. How could it ever have passed her lips? Her husband would say it was because she had a scandalous mind, she was sure. Perhaps she really had one.
"I was there and did not see it," said Julian. It was unclear whether this offering was an attempt to help her or to land her in further trouble.
"You were not always there," she said, but she did not want him to ask when it had occurred instead. She would rather have him stay silent. "I only meant to say I perceived a similarity and that perhaps it was not a matter of catching --"
"-- but of being caught?" the admiral's father inquired. "Still, such rakish behaviour strikes me as very odd for him."
"It was not rakish." Although for a while she had been thinking it rakish herself, she would not say so now. It had been an uncontrolled impulse of goodness.
"When was this?" Julian asked.
She ignored his question. "I cannot call it rakish, because I was to blame for half of it. Now can we please --"
"I should like to hear precisely how my son came by his wife," said Mr. Henson. "And which rakish methods he employed." He seemed determined not to abandon that term, especially because Julia did not like it. That was very obvious in his smile.
"Father, do not be so teasing," Mrs. Williamson cautioned.
Again Julia perceived a likeness between father and son. They would not stop when they believed themselves ahead. "He teased, vexed, provoked and insulted me." Perhaps he would recognise those methods if she named them.
"Yes, of course," said the father. "But who would marry such a teasing man? Why did you attempt to catch him?"
"I did not," Julia said with a heightened colour. She did not know what to respond to those questions. They were impertinent, but a father perhaps had some right to ask them. Besides, the resemblance kept her intrigued. They were rather alike. "But we were often left alone and...things come of that."
"He always described those things, that come of being alone, as boredom and loathing. Now I wonder." He gazed at Julia with interest.
"Let us go back to the drawing room," Julian suggested. Evidently he hoped that by relocating them, he would put an end to such an embarrassing subject. "Ladies, please?" he gestured.
Julia led the way. She thought she perceived a small smile playing around Mrs. Williamson's lips, if nothing more than a quiver. She glanced over her shoulder, but the gentlemen were slow. "Tell me," she whispered. "Why do you think this amusing?"
"You mistake my feelings, Lady Julia. My father, because he is old, believes he may be as impertinent as he chooses. I should like to send him into the hall for some solitary reflection, but we are already in the hall and he is not one of my sons," Mrs. Williamson whispered back.
"S-S-Solitary reflection?" Julia recognised that phrase. "Is that a family method?"
"It is."
"Your brother prescribed it to me." She did not mention that he had not wanted her to stand in the hall, but to lie in his bed.
Mrs. Williamson looked appalled. "You must not allow him. It is not for husbands to impose on wives. It is for --"
"Elizabeth!" called Mr. Henson from behind them. "Do not keep all the revelations to yourself."
"Behave yourself, Father!" she snapped.
The ladies sat down and the gentlemen followed suit. Julia folded her hands in a dignified manner and stared at her knees. It was much like in the beginning, when she had also felt like an outsider, incapable of intruding with a comment. She was not in control of this conversation either.
The old man was pouting at his daughter. "My behaviour cannot be so bad as what John has been up to."
Mrs. Williamson gave him a pointed look. Then she turned to her new sister. "Please ignore him."
"But I could not tolerate my son behaving in a rakish manner," he protested.
"I said he did not," Julia informed him. She resumed her study of her knees. The faint floral pattern of her gown was intriguing. She wondered which flower it was.
"Did he neglect to tell us because he would not be able to look me in the eyes if I questioned him as to how it came about?"
Julia raised her eyes and spoke calmly. "I believe you know what he is like. I believe your only purpose can therefore be to find out what I am like."
"Naturally," he agreed with a mischievous smile.
"So..." She looked away to collect her thoughts. He was testing her. He had to be. He had to be aware of his son's character. "Now you know."
"I still do not see it," Mr. Henson said stubbornly. "You implied that the moment you were alone with him, he vexed you and your response was to let him kiss you. It would have been more in character for him to have ignored you and I would not want to suppose that it was in character for you to suffer such rakish attentions from a man you had only just met."
"Will your brother become like that when he grows old or shall I be able to rein him in?" Julia whispered to Mrs. Williamson, who was sitting beside her. Perhaps Lady Pritchard's opinion of older men about the house deserved more consideration. "I was looking forward to having him home, but if this is my future..."
"He is already like that."
"Could we," Julia began valiantly, now speaking out loud, "abandon the particulars of our courtship?"
"But I still know nothing," Mr. Henson complained. "You are not quite what I had imagined you to be, based on your letter."
Julia looked mortified. She could not even ask why not. She was a disappointment.
"I had been expecting, I suppose, a good-natured and agreeable young lady, not too old and not too pretty, capable of creating a warm home."
"Instead you saw me," she said in a hoarse voice, imagining herself the opposite of everything he had named -- not good-natured, not agreeable, not young and not pretty.
"Indeed! Instead I find he married a taciturn duchess."
Julia wished to say he should not forget middle-aged, but she did not. She merely looked even more mortified. If he was going to say more, she was sure she would cry.
Mr. Henson was regarding her quietly now. "Not that taciturn duchesses are as bad as you seem to think," he offered after a moment. "It was merely not what I had expected, given the speed with which it was all concluded. I had supposed he had picked some young lady off the shelf. Those tend not to mind the speed, eager as they are to be off that shelf."
"He got his tactlessness from you, I see," Julia blurted out. Off the shelf!
"I always thought it was a compliment, not to be on the shelf."
"Father, I am going to send you back by post if you do not behave," Mrs. Williamson said with some exasperation. "You must mind your words."
"I am seventy," he said, as if there was no need to mind his words at that age. "I hardly have the time to wait and see what will become of this young lady here, if she will make John a good wife and all that."
"Could we go somewhere private?" Mrs. Williamson requested of Julia. Her cheeks were red and she was visibly embarrassed.
"I am going to behave. I promise," Mr. Henson said contritely. "But she says so little on her own. One must lend a hand. Stay, Elizabeth."
His daughter turned towards Julia and lowered her voice. "He cares less and less for manners. I am sorry. I should not have brought him. I really think we should leave the room for a while to let him know we are serious about this."
"Much like I did with Julia?" Julia wondered.
"Yes."
"We shall go next door." Julia rose. "Julian?"
"Yes, of course." He would not mind entertaining the admiral's father until they returned. Or rather, he had no choice.
"Am I really such a disappointment?" Julia asked when they were out of the room. She felt more comfortable asking Mrs. Williamson, who had been nothing but pleasant and kind, than Mr. Henson.
"My father did not mean that," Mrs. Williamson said hurriedly. "He meant that he had expected something less. Hopefully he will calm down and tell you later. Now that we are among sensible adults, you can tell me what it was like. Was he truly rakish?"
"No," Julia said slowly. She was a little reassured by hearing she was somehow more or better than had been expected. "It was all clumsiness. Yes, that is what it was. I might have been married, but I was not prepared for this."
"Clumsiness," Mrs. Williamson repeated. "Yes. I can imagine that. Did you get married so quickly because he was going to sea?"
Julia coloured. "No, I begged him to take me away without telling my relatives, because I was afraid of having to explain everything to them. I preferred to be taken away when he left and he indulged me." She looked at her sister-in-law to see what her reaction would be. The following words might shock her. "We were not yet married then, not even that same day."
"Is that the rakish part of it?" Mrs. Williamson asked with a giggle. "That he could not arrange it all in a day?"
Chapter Thirty
"Does it not shock you?" Julia wished to know. Did it not imply something shocking that she had travelled with him to his house without getting married that day? She was not saying anything about separate houses or separate rooms, which she surely would have done if there had been any question of that.
Mrs. Williamson was not easily shocked, it seemed. She smiled. "It makes perfect sense. He must be very fond of you. I can see how he might have struggled to find an appropriate approach."
Julia pressed a hand to her mouth when she heard that word. "Approach! But that is precisely what we spoke about just before --"
"Just before...?"
"He was -- he was speaking of capturing vessels and I was understandably vexed and puzzled by such disrespectful and scandalous allusions. I went for a walk to clear my head. When I returned he was standing on a chair, floating paper boats in my aquarium and he told me my vexation was the fault of my improper thoughts, so I told him ...something and he was quite vexing again."
Mrs. Williamson could make her eyes twinkle in the same manner as her brother. "Standing on a chair? I suppose that is as good a way as any to attract attention. It sounds as if he succeeded."
"He did. It led to my mentioning -- well, you must have noticed that I say something stupid when I am most unsettled. I told him he had a unique approach to women. He said he had none, but he asked me what other gentlemen spoke about. I would not tell him, but he guessed I had not liked them. And then --" Julia shrugged. "I had just handed him a glass of lemonade."
"And then what?"
"What would you think of it if I told you?"
"You must first tell me what it is you will tell me."
"I do not know how it happened, but we must have approached each other, because when Julia pulled at my skirts, I discovered that we had been...er...a little closer together." Julia blushed. She wanted to make it clear that they were both to blame. It had not been rakish.
"One does not hand another a glass with one's arm fully stretched out," Mrs. Williamson mused. She measured a distance with her hands. "So it must have been like this and then less."
The reconstruction of the event made Julia blush even deeper. "Mrs. Williamson, you must not wonder."
"You must call me Elizabeth if you share such intimate details with me. I love intimate details. Not for the sake of the details, because as I said the particulars are rarely very particular. I am less interested in knowing what you did than in knowing why you did what you did."
The subject called for caution. Julia chose her words carefully. "I did it because it was agreeable. I cannot really account for the first instance, but it certainly influenced the rest of them. There were some more instances before the matter was settled. I wish I could tell you, but I fear you would despise of me."
"It would make perfect sense to despise of a lady who loves my brother," Mrs. Williamson said with another twinkling smile.
"Even one who kissed him to avoid talking?" That revelation would surely put an end to any kindness, but she felt she had to be honest.
Her sister-in-law kept her face straight, but she made a slight movement with her hands. "I would ask why you wanted to avoid talking."
Julia did not have to think about the answer. "Because I had been stupid. When he returned unexpectedly after he had left I asked if I was his mistress --"
"Mistress!" Mrs. Williamson exclaimed.
"He said no. I ran. I assumed he meant I was less than a mistress. I should have stayed and asked what I was instead and we could have avoided the insanity that came next, but I felt so embarrassed that the question had escaped me, that I ran." She could laugh at herself now, but only in private. Relating this silliness to someone else was still difficult.
"Did you -- did you have any reason to think you might be his mistress? Not that I expect admirable restraint in all widowers, but he is my brother, after all."
"I really only wanted to hear him say that it was not common for him to kiss ladies. But it did not come out that way," Julia said bashfully. "I suppose his answer did not come out the way he had intended either and we suffered a few misunderstandings in the following two days."
"But eventually he proposed to you."
"No, I told him to marry me. Believe me, at that point there was really no way back for him." Julia gave Mrs. Williamson a serious look. "But it turned out he had allowed it to come that far because he had thought he would marry me at some point anyway and so he was more than willing to go along with my wishes with regard to our elopement of sorts. Everything had taken place in this house and since I had always condemned such conduct, I could not possibly face my nephew."
"Did you go to town and then almost directly to sea?" Mrs. Williamson asked after a few moments during which she digested it all. "Had he asked you to go with him?"
"No, but I knew he would like it, since I had gathered that he liked company and that sailing was very important to him. I felt I ought to give it a try. I did not know I would be seasick." Julia looked sad. "I wish I had been strong enough to stay."
Mrs. Williamson embraced her. "It does you credit that you tried, because that will have meant a lot to him. How did you like it, apart from the seasickness?"
"I cannot give you a good opinion, because I spent most of the time in bed."
"So you did not see him at all?"
"I saw quite a lot of him, because he sat with me. He was very good."
Mrs. Williamson looked appreciative of her brother's dedication. "That is indeed very good of him. With the right incentive he is very good company. He has always been a good brother to me."
"Do you still look up to him now that I have told you how we went about getting married? And what does your father think of me?" Julia finally dared to ask. She had been reassured well enough by the sister.
"Father probably likes you quite well, or he would not even bother. He liked that you went to sea, but perhaps that is why he did not expect you to be so refined. He might be a little impressed with you, I think."
"I did not last there," Julia reminded her. She was more delicate and refined than she appeared, perhaps.
"Yes, but that was not --" Mrs. Williamson checked herself. "And you were able to do other useful things now, such as meet us."
"Would he have not taken me to meet you at some point?"
"Next year?" Mrs. Williamson said a little mockingly. "But now he will find us acquainted upon his return!"
"What would he say to that?"
"Thank you? He could never mind it, since I flatter myself that he likes me quite well and that if he sees that I approve of you he can never have anything to fear from me. When will he be back?"
Julia smiled when she heard her new sister approved of her. It was always pleasant to hear and all the more so in a case like this. "Before the end of the summer. I wonder how I shall manage. I could manage before I knew him, so it ought to be possible, but I did not worry about him then."
"Before the end of the summer?" Mrs. Williamson repeated reflectively. "Do you have other family?"
"I only have the ones you saw."
"Your nephew's wife seems a sweet girl."
"Yes, she is." Julia wondered why that was important and she looked a little confused.
"Do not mind me. Are you now reassured enough to face my father?" asked Mrs. Williamson. "Was my brother less impertinent than our father, do you think?"
"Differently." He had been very close to flirting with her, she supposed, which could never count for his father.
"He ought to be worse, really."
"Worse?" Julia exclaimed. She could not imagine anything of the sort. "No!"
"The order is as follows -- my other brother, my father, John, and any combination of them is of course even worse. Play their game, but never invite guests they do not know. But I have to say, it is rare to have them all at home together, what with their occupations."
Old Mr. Henson apologised for his impertinence and for the remainder of his stay he managed to behave like a gentleman. Julia did not know whether some of the perceived improvement was due to having been accepted, but she did not care very much. Her father-in-law's comments began to be amusing rather than painful.
They stayed no more than a day -- Mrs. Williamson had children she said she did not want to run wild in her absence --but they promised to write. Julia especially had to promise to write in case she had any news. She did not think her husband would write soon, however.
February brought some good news. Two letters, one from the admiral, arrived at Muncester. A servant was so kind as to deliver them straight to Julia's dressing room, instead of to the breakfast table. It was apparently no secret that she would prefer that.
The letter had been written in January, but that did not lessen Julia's joy upon opening it. He had written. He was alive and thinking of her.
My Dearest Julia,
I hope this letter finds you in good health again. Although I am not at liberty
to go ashore, I shall order someone to make inquiries. This letter will be sent
before I know anything.
I find myself close to shore at this moment due to the fact that we captured some traders south-west of Ireland who were disguised as fishermen. I realised immediately it was fishy indeed and --
Here she read a befuddling account of the tactical genius that was Admiral Henson, which contained many words and phrases that she did not understand.
I realise now, after writing it down, that you may not have understood a word.
Simply put, they thought they could get away by cunning, but since they did
exactly what you would have done, they could not fool me.
Julia had no idea what she would have done, but she took his word for it. He ended the letter with some affectionate words, though not too many. She liked those best, even if the fictionalised version of a log was written with more ease.
She read her second letter immediately afterwards. It was sealed with a different seal and written on different paper and she wondered who had written it. The directions had been written in an uncertain hand, as if the sender had been copying the address.
Dear Lady Julia,
I received orders from Admiral
Henson to make inquiries. Your letter, waiting in custody of Mr. Happle, I
shall take to the Admiral, who has requested me to notify Your Ladyship of any
such transaction. You may depend upon my delivering it into his hands
personally and as soon as I can.
Yours respectfully,
E. Jackson.
Julia was so happy when she made it to the breakfast room that things barely registered. She had both of her letters with her, so that she might read them again if she liked -- and she knew she would want to.
Little Julia was dancing upon a chair, clutching a letter to her stomach. "I have a letter! Like Papa!" Papa was the only one who ever received any mail, it seemed, and Julia was thrilled that there was something for her today. It made her feel big.
"Let me open it for you, Julia," said Julian, who knew letters were useless until they were read.
"No!"
"You must want to see what is inside."
"It breaks! You cannot break my letter."
"Papa breaks his own letters too. Look!" He held up some.
Little Julia grudgingly handed him her letter, watching him closely. "Give!" she demanded when he had opened it. "I want to read."
"Shall I read it to you? You are very young. Come and sit here and we shall see what it says." Julian folded it open and stared. "Well, Aunt Julia, your husband takes the prize!"
"He did," answered Julia, who was rereading her own letter, dwelling on the account of the captured traders. She wondered if there had been any danger. He would keep that from her, but perhaps Julian could tell if she let him read it.
"Such simple ingenuity!" He seemed very amused by something.
"Of what are you talking? The traders?" She wondered if he had written the same to Julian.
"His letter to Julia!"
"Hmm?" She raised her eyes. "Letter?"
"She is illiterate, not blind!" Clementine had come to stand behind him and they both laughed.
DEAR JULIA,
I HOPE YOU ARE TAKING GOOD CARE OF GRAMMA. YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO JUMP ON
GRAMMA'S BED. I HAVE ORDERED SOMEONE TO MAKE A NICE GIFT FOR YOU AND IT SHOULD
BE FINISHED BY THE TIME I COME HOME.
AMMIRAL
Chapter Thirty-One
Julia let Julian read her letter. She wanted to know if the situation at sea had been dangerous and knowing that was more important to her than having him see the passages that were intended for her alone. He read it with interest, raising his eyebrows at certain points, taking a long time to read and then starting over again. "What are you thinking?" she asked anxiously. It was taking him too long.
At long last he lowered the sheet. "Interesting."
She could not infer anything from his tone, not to mention that there were different kinds of interesting. Julian might well be mocking. "Was he ever in any danger?"
"I cannot make sense of this story," Julian admitted. "I think he embellished it for your sake."
Since she could not make much sense of the story either, she was puzzled. "For my sake? If I do not really understand it? Did it not happen exactly the way he described it? Was it worse?"
"I do not think it was very bad," he assured her. "Not that."
"Then what was? The last lines?"
"I read them only once, since they were not exactly meant for me." He handed the letter back to her. "But apart from the last lines, you have nothing to worry about. Well, perhaps there is the fact that he thinks Julia can only read if the letters are huge."
"Let her write back. Then he will know. But what is wrong with the last lines?" She scanned them. They had not been too personal, she thought.
"Oh dear, my paper is running out and I have not yet used it for the purpose I meant to use it for?" he suggested a little mockingly. "I must be brief."
The story did indeed take up the greater part of the epistle, but she thought it was there for a reason. "His purpose was to assure me he was well. I already knew how he felt, but it is kind of him to include it at the end. Would you have wanted him to write it over and over again?"
"Please, no," he said with a smile. "Did you write that you had recovered?"
"Yes, I wrote I was better, so he would not feel any regrets about my departure."
He would now know she had recovered, so that ought to reassure him. Still, should he happen to be near that port a next time, there would have to be a letter for him and in case this happened soon, she would have to write one now.
She could only write to the admiral that she very much wished him home. He must not think she was in good spirits, nor that she was depressed and pining. Some balance had to be found.
Little Julia turned three in February. Clementine had warned Julia in advance, so she had had the time to buy something. It had not been long since Christmas, but some new ideas for gifts had come up in the meantime. Julia had bought her a book. It was probably too early, but the girl had displayed so much interest in reading her letter that perhaps she would appreciate a proper book.
She did indeed like it very much. The images in the book made sure she held it correctly, but the stories she read to her dolls did not really match the words on the page.
Thomas Newman had come to play with her and Mrs. Newman had brought her baby. Julia thought Clementine displayed more interest in it than before. She was holding the little boy and she smiled at him.
Perhaps Clementine's greater interest sprang from the fact that the baby could do more now, but it could be that she had other reasons. Julia recalled that she had advised Clementine to have another child, although that had really been an excuse to probe. She did not dare to bring the subject up again and until Clementine told her, she could only wonder if anything had happened.
Mr. Newman approached Julia. Of course in the past month he had sometimes seen her, but he had not had the chance to speak to her. "Have you revised your opinion of us?" he inquired.
"Of whom?" Julia was not aware of having an opinion that needed to be revised.
"Of your nephew and me."
Julia was a little surprised that he would ask. She had never thought about that one instance again. It had not bothered her very much, but perhaps she had given Mr. Newman the impression that she was angry or annoyed. "Perhaps. There are more important matters, after all. I hope you did not think I was very upset by it. Sometimes I do not manage to convey exactly what I think."
"Oh," said Mr. Newman. "Then we were not juvenile?"
"Yes, you were, but why should such an unalterable fact bother me for weeks?" Julia asked in an arch manner.
He snorted. "I suppose you have a point."
"The admiral wrote to me." She was still excited enough to tell him and her eyes lit up. "But since you and Julian gossip all day, you probably already knew about that."
He smiled. "I cannot deny that I did, although he mostly told me about the letter to Julia. Did his letter to you contain good news?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Julian read it. I cannot imagine that he did not tell you about its contents."
"We are truly not as bad as you think. He merely told me that the admiral had written. He would not disclose the contents of such a letter to me. You need not be worried about that."
"He is alive and that is very good news." She smiled again.
"I am pleased to hear it."
"I was very happy about it too and it should make him happy to have received my letter and to read that I have completely recovered. If I were still ill, he might as well have kept me on board. Although..." Julia unconsciously touched her ribcage. "I was losing so much weight that I might have wasted away. You will remember how weak I was just after my return."
"Indeed! And you must no longer be carrying rum then?"
"Lemonade! I told you! And it was not to fortify me, but to rinse my mouth. Your memory is defective," she chided, although she was certain that he had some purpose. He would want to laugh at her reaction, no doubt.
"Selective, really," he said mischievously. "I remember only what I want to remember, the way people often see only what they want to see." He gave her a smile. "Please excuse me. I am going to join the children."
Julia never knew what he really meant. He always looked as if his words might have a hidden meaning, or as if he was making a joke only he understood. If he wanted her to comprehend him, he ought to be more obvious, she decided. Otherwise she would simply ignore what he said.
She resumed her observation of Clementine, but she saw no outward signs of anything. Perhaps Clementine was still hoping rather than really expecting, which would explain why she had not said anything yet. October, November, December, January, Julia counted. It was very possible, but of course it needed not happen at all. To some people it did not.
Clementine had not gained any weight, as far as Julia could tell from a distance. The only one who had done so was Julia herself, but that had been because she had lost it first and because she had entered middle age. The weight had gone everywhere, really, and not only to her waist.
Her low-cut gown had looked positively indecent the last time she had tried it on. Perhaps she was really becoming too old for such clothes. If she had another grandchild, she would certainly not wear that gown anymore. Grandmothers were different and grandfathers would simply have to accept that they could not flaunt their figure too much. Julia pressed a hand against her chest. Small children would like something soft to cuddle and that was precisely into what she was turning. Fortunately she did not mind receiving cuddles from a toddler.
She wondered when Julian and Clementine would tell her about a child. The duke's mother had never left her alone and at some point Julia had been told she was expecting, without knowing how or why her mother-in-law could know such a thing. It had not been explained, but it had turned out to be true after a while. She could not recall that anything had been different except her size.
Now that she remembered her mother-in-law, was it the norm for the grandmother to alert the young wife to these matters? Who had told Clementine the first time, or had little Julia simply appeared? It was all very puzzling.
It was impossible to ask Clementine directly, so Julia surreptitiously approached Mrs. Newman. She spoke very softly. "Suppose Clementine came to be with child one of these days, would she tell me about it or is it my duty to tell her? Who told you? Was it Mr. Newman's mother?"
"No, it was Mr. Newman himself."
That was useless. She was not going to ask Mr. Newman if Clementine was expecting! He would be too amused. "You see, the duke's mother told me about it and I wondered if it was my duty to inform Clementine, should it apply, but I do not think I could see it. Are we simply to wait until it comes out, in the event that something has occurred?"
"She might notice it herself and tell you," Mrs. Newman said cautiously.
"But if you could not and I could not, how could she?" Julia reasoned.
"It has been known to happen. She will tell you before she tells me, that I know. She has not told me anything so far, so you must have a little more patience." Mrs. Newman smiled.
"I have something to ask you, Aunt Julia," Clementine said the next morning. "Had you noticed anything about me?"
"N-N-No, not really," Julia said unsteadily. She did not want to be silly. She was also far too surprised by the question to think about an answer. What a coincidence for Clementine to bring up the subject so shortly after she had thought of it!
Clementine looked at her closely. "Yes, you had."
"N-N-No," she answered, trying to look away. "I was merely trying to see if I could see anything and I could not."
"Yes, I saw you looking pensively at me yesterday when I was playing with the baby. I wondered if you knew something. I am not yet certain, but I think I might be --"
"You must ask Mr. Newman," Julia interrupted in haste. "He will know."
That confused Clementine. "Mr. Newman? How? He is a steward, not a midwife."
She could not really explain her remark, so she did not. "He will know."
"But I do not want to ask him anything. I wanted to ask you. You said I could always ask you things."
That her opinion was being solicited made Julia nervous. She knew too little about this particular matter, yet she did not want to disappoint. "Yes, yes, but that was about being a duchess. I know nothing about having children! I only ever had one and that was before I knew anything. I do not remember anything about it at all, except that it hurt."
"Oh." Clementine looked a little doubtful now.
"Who told you about Julia?" She had never asked many questions about that period in Clementine's life, although sometimes she had felt some curiosity. "Not Daniel?"
"No, he did not know all that much. Neighbours did. But there are symptoms of different things that look very much alike."
"I wish I could help you! But I do not know very much. I only know about gaining weight, but I suppose you are right in that it might be a symptom of something else as well, such as eating too much." And in men it was often a result of having drunk too much.
"I thought no longer being indisposed counted as a symptom as well," Clementine said cautiously.
"Well, Lady Pritchard has been having that since she was forty or so. I do not know." Julia did not want to raise any hopes before she was absolutely certain.
"But she has not had a child for ages. Would you not say that for someone my age it has a different significance, Aunt Julia?"
"I hope so. I think it would make everybody very happy. But you have not been gaining weight, have you? I could not see it."
"Not noticeably. I was hoping you knew something so I could reassure Julian. He is really -- he does not feel what I feel and that frustrates him. He wants to know. What can I tell him?"
She had no idea, but she thought hard. "Tell him to wait a month."
"I told him that a month ago."
"Tell him that instead of speaking about me to Mr. Newman, he should speak about you." Julia thought this was excellent advice.
Chapter Thirty-Two
A few days later Clementine had consulted a doctor rather than Mr. Newman and Mr. Burke had confirmed everybody's suspicions, much to Julian's relief. He could not stop grinning for the rest of the day and nobody needed to ask whether he was happy with the news.
Julia was happy for both of them and for little Julia, who did not yet understand it well but who would in a few years love to play with a younger brother or sister. The baby was due in the summer and Little Julia was not fooled. She knew that Ammiral, who was also due in the summer, would bring the baby. He was shopping for it this instant.
Little Julia's assumptions led Julia to muse about the change in family circumstances. "The admiral will have a new grandchild when he comes back!" She hoped it would be a boy. When they had been shopping for Julia's doll, she had noticed that her husband had a little more interest in toys for boys than in dolls. He would be pleased if he could buy some of those as well.
"Would he think of it as such?" Clementine wondered. "A grandchild?"
"Of course. I shall write to him and hope that he receives the letter before he comes home. We shall have so much to do -- baby clothes and everything. It is very good. I need to have a purpose. It is very likely that I shall not be gone yet when you have the baby. I am not of much use, I am sure, but perhaps Lavinia will have returned -- unless she will not like it because I have married." Julia felt she was rambling, but she was trying to take it all in at once.
"She is always welcome, naturally, and I made Julian write that to her, because it is not her fault that you were suddenly seized by --" She giggled.
"By what?"
"An admiration of the admiral."
Julia coloured. The only word that was lacking in that silly description was admirable, fortunately so! "Understandable though it is!"
"It was a pity you could not see him climb in through the window that one time, but you had run away because he was not wearing a coat." Clementine's voice betrayed that she did not really understand that reason.
"He climbed in through the window then too?" Julia cried. She was sad to have missed it, but regretfully she had still been very silly at the time.
"Oh yes. In an instant. When else did he climb in through windows?"
It was a pity that Clementine had not missed that detail. Julia sighed. She would have to relate it now, but briefly. "He climbed up to my room one time when I had locked my door."
"Goodness!" Clementine exclaimed, but then she looked mischievous. "I hope you rewarded him for the effort."
"You say the most scandalous things," Julia decided. Or was the scandal her own interpretation again?
"I am not saying how! It might be as innocent as hearing him out, because I assume he had a purpose."
Julia did not think he had been rewarded at all. "He left in the same manner when I would not talk. Do not think he always has a purpose, for he does not. He likes to sit with me as well, doing nothing."
"What was he wearing?"
"Clementine! No coat." Julia remembered a worse instance. Although there were distinct advantages in maintaining a proud distance, there was a companionship that came from sharing details and that was very appealing. "Do you remember when I fainted in the corridor? That was because I had happened upon him with only his trousers on."
Clementine gave a snort. "So it truly happens to women! I have been known to mock it. What was he doing there dressed -- undressed -- like that?"
"He was wet. He was carrying the rest of his clothes. I was walking there and then I saw him and I ... fainted." She had paused a second before speaking that last word, all for effect.
"Wait, wait. He saw you faint? He left you there?" Clementine's mouth almost fell open in disbelief. "So ungentlemanly!"
Julia shrugged. She minded it even less than she had then. "Men. Of course he saw me, but he did not know what to do with me. He laid me on the floor and fled."
"That is so -- and we thought you had fallen down on your own! We pitied you! But perhaps he even caught you in his arms! Why did you faint?"
"Well, do you think the duke ever appeared before me half naked?" Julia thought she had had every reason to faint at the sight of the admiral. She had not been used to seeing gentlemen in such a state.
"Mine does," Clementine answered. "But this is very amusing, Aunt Julia. I cannot help but laugh when I imagine it. You fainting in shocked admiration and the admiral not knowing what to do! He was certainly much more dependable and helpful when you fainted that same evening. Why did you?"
"The fool was speaking about a Mrs. Henson without having let me know he was speaking about me," Julia said affectionately. "I panicked. He finally realised he had not been clear to me and we sorted it out in the morning." She had best not say how they had spent their time in between. There had been too much stupidity, such as jumping into the pond, and too much scandal.
"Julian climbed into my spare room once and he fell asleep there," Clementine suddenly remembered. "He had come to propose. Did the admiral?"
"No, he came to talk to me."
"And like Julian, I suppose he felt enough urgency to do it straight away. He did not care that it was your room, did he?" Clementine seemed to like the similarities.
"Oh, apart from the fact that it was where I could be found, I think he hardly realised." If he had realised, he had not cared.
"Did you give him a talk about it? Remember how you gave me a talk about Julian's dressing room?"
"Such hypocrisy did bother me for a while," Julia agreed. "But thinking clearly at such a moment is admittedly more difficult than I had thought. My apologies."
Julian had been maintaining an irregular correspondence with his brother George, which had mainly been irregular because George had been terribly miffed at having to join the army when he could have led an easy life as a duke's brother. Interestingly George had not written that he had been using the townhouse. That in itself was not forbidden, since he was a relative, but holding dubious gatherings there was less appreciated.
"The duke left it to me," Julia fumed when the housekeeper wrote about it. "It is my house." It was not to be abused in that manner. She would have to travel to town and tell George.
She had only travelled in a carriage for trips shorter than an hour, but none of those had made her ill. She believed she could risk travelling to town. While she was there she could visit the admiral's house and see if there was anything she needed to handle. Perhaps she could also visit her brother and inform him of her marriage, provided that he had not already heard. Admirals moved in a different set, though, and it was not likely that her brother's acquaintances displayed any interest in older people either.
Julian had said he would like it better if she travelled with somebody else, but of course Clementine would not go. She wanted to stay away from town for five years at least and so Julia had to settle for suggesting a shopping expedition to Lady Pritchard and Evelina.
Lady Pritchard kept fanning herself for no apparent reason, as if she was continually embarrassed by her own thoughts. "Do you not have this?" she complained at some point.
"Sometimes," Julia answered guiltily. Sometimes thinking of her husband could make her blush, but she was not going to share those thoughts with her neighbour, certainly not in front of an innocent like Evelina. If possible, she would also like to avoid hearing Lady Pritchard's precise thoughts about Sir William. It was amazing that there were any at all. He was nothing but an ordinary country gentleman.
"Will you be invited anywhere, do you think?" Lady Pritchard asked with a view to Evelina.
"Very likely not. I have no idea who are in town and the thing with acquaintances is that one must invite them back or one will lose them and I have never cared much for inviting people." Julia did not think anyone would bother, considering how little she had to offer.
"Really!" That surprised her neighbour. "But you have always invited me."
Julia realised her carelessness. She was implying she had never cared for inviting the Pritchards and that was not true. "But people in town are of a different sort. Some would inspire envy among their friends if they had a duchess at their gathering, no matter how unsociable I might be."
"Unsociable?"
"You have known me for almost thirty years. Perhaps you would no longer notice. But apart from that matter, I am not keen on having to give everybody updates on the weddings and family additions." People might want to know when and where she had met her husband, when and where they had married, not to mention the particulars of Julian's marriage. If she waited a while longer, people might have other things on their mind and they would have forgotten how much time had passed between Daniel's demise and all of these new developments.
When they arrived at the house, Julia was greeted with relief. Not only was George staying there, but so were a few of his friends. The servants, believing they had to take orders from George, were not pleased at all with the invasion.
"Out they go," Julia decided. "I have not invited them. Please pack their trunks and store those in the coach house."
"Yes, Lady Julia." The butler could hardly suppress his glee.
"Including my nephew's. He has trespassed on my hospitality. If any of these gentlemen come to the door, you may send them around the back, except for George. I need to have a word with him first."
"Yes, Lady Julia."
When these orders were issued, she turned to Lady Pritchard and Evelina, who were excited enough to want to go out still that day. "You must go shopping when you feel like it. I have some other matters to see to, as you know, but the sooner I handle them, the more likeliness there is of joining you later."
Since she did not yet want to leave the house for fear of missing George, she had to stay and inform the Sheppards of her presence by a note. Her decision was a wise one when George and one of his friends turned up shortly after Lady Pritchard and Evelina had gone out. There was some uproar in the hall when the friend was refused entrance. Julia stepped out to investigate.
"George," she said with an icy calmness. It would not do to shout like him. She was more civilised. "I heard you have been treating this house as your own, when in fact it is mine."
"Aunt Julia." He bowed, apparently hoping that a polite greeting would change her mind. His friend did the same. "There must be some misunderstanding."
"Really? Do you mean to imply the house is not mine?"
He looked charmingly innocent now. "I always believed I could stay here because I am a member of the family."
Julia was not susceptible to his charms. She had to stay firm, much like she had witnessed at sea. "My hospitality has never extended to your friends. It has never implied that you were at liberty to organise card parties and dubious gatherings to which even women were invited." Her eyes flashed angrily. She was disgusted by that sort of behaviour in her house.
George paled. "That is not true. You must have heard incorrect reports."
"Considering that no less than six rooms were occupied, I wonder how you believe you could convince me there were never any friends of yours in the house. Six trunks were relocated to the coach house. You and your friends may collect your belongings there." She looked at him closely. "Perhaps you do not understand me?"
"You want me out -- for no reason! Where am I to go?"
"I do not care. Unless you are specifically invited, I do not want you in my house ever again, George. Do you understand me? This is my house, not your brother's and certainly not yours."
"My brother would not be so cruel. He would be here himself if he had anything to say!" George exclaimed, implying that she was acting on her own and behind Julian's back.
"Your brother's wife is expecting a child." She mentioned that deliberately. A child, if it was a son, would block George's way to the title. "Do not waste your credit. You will never be his heir."
It took some time before Julia's breathing had returned to its normal rhythm. Although she had appeared to be speaking without agitation, she had felt nervous. She had not known whether she would succeed in evicting George. After sitting quietly for a while, she asked to be taken to the admiral's house.
The Sheppards were all kindness. Admiral Henson had long ago made excellent arrangements for bills and business to be handled in his absence, so that Julia was not required to do anything at his house except show her face and chat. She was glad her face again looked the way it had done before her trip, no longer so thin.
"We are delighted to see you so well," said Mrs. Sheppard, with Mr. Sheppard nodding his agreement. "And that all the ill effects of your voyage are gone."
"Oh," Julia said with a sigh. "I have just got rid of my other nephew, who had been using my house as a ... as a ... centre of depravity. Do the admiral's relatives ever stay here, I wonder?"
"His brother, but he has been very fortunate in his postings in the past few years and so we have not had had the pleasure of having him here for a while. Before that time, he only stayed here if the admiral was here, since he did not like the admiral's first wife."
"Do you mean she might have seduced him?" Julia wondered before she could check herself.
The Sheppards looked uncomfortable. "Perhaps," said the housekeeper.
Julia did not really want to talk about the woman either. She wished there had never been such a person and she changed the subject. "Mrs. Williamson and her father visited me a month ago. I must thank you for giving me information about them."
"Oh! She is a very pleasant lady!"
"And his father is very much like the admiral. I was very pleased to make his acquaintance, because he reminded me very much of my husband -- which was good because I cannot have him right now. And they really did not make any trouble because they had not been told! I was happy they received the news so well. I was also happy you do not appear offended about my having gone to Muncester instead of here, but you see, that was where the family and the money was." She had explained that in her letter, but she felt she had to do so again in person.
"We understood perfectly. But had you not had any relatives, you could have managed to live off a portion of the household budget," Mr. Sheppard assured her. "Perhaps you would have needed to live in somewhat reduced circumstances, although the admiral always takes care to give us a generous budget in case the roof blows off while he is at sea."
"That is somehow amusing," Julia decided, wondering why he could foresee that the roof might blow off, but not that his wife might be in need of an allowance. "Prepared for all eventualities, except a wife! One can only hope that his infatuation is lasting." She looked a little fearful as she said that. His infatuation had caused him to overlook several things. Often such feelings died out as quickly as they had flared up.
"There is no doubt!" Mrs. Sheppard thought. "You need not fear. But he believed you would be with him, so there was no need to make arrangements."
"That is true," Julia agreed. "You will notify me if I am required to make any arrangements? I leave again the day after tomorrow and tomorrow I shall be shopping for the family addition. There is another grandchild on its way."
"Family addition? Grandchild?" Mrs. Sheppard asked with a puzzled expression.
"From my nephew's wife, but I call it grandchild."
© 2005, 2006 Copyright held by the author.