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Part One: In Which Caroline Goes To Hertfordshire And Encounters The Locals

Posted on Sunday, 11 June 2006

September 29th:

Charles apparently has rented a house in the country. Knowing Charles, have to confess was quite alarmed house might be sort of farm, with naïve blonde farm girls all around, but seems to be quiet nice mansion, not as grand as Pemberley, but tolerable enough, I suppose. Charles expects me to keep house, so will probably move to country soon. Must confess am quite sorry to leave London, esp. dear Louisa & of course Mr. Darcy, but am quite relieved not to see Mr. Hurst for the time being (remember now: have again forgotten to ask Louisa what his first name is. Am sure I must have heard it in church, when the awful event, I mean, the wedding took place, but cannot remember.) Country house also means will not have to spend hour after hour with Georgiana Darcy. Am sure she is sweet girl but turning pages for hours when she plays the piano can be very annoying & it is very difficult to be in raptures when one is tired and has aching hand (from turning pages). Wish Georgiana would talk, would make meetings with her more easy. Also, while spent approximately 150 hours in Georgiana's company this month, Mr. Darcy was only present in 20 of them. Seems waste of time.

October 12th:

Have arrived in country house, place called Netherfield in Hertfordshire. To great delight, Charles invited Mr. D & dear Louisa to stay. Unfortunately, Mr. Hurst also to accompany us. Still, am convinced stay in quiet country house with nothing to do but shoot stupid birds & play cards with Mr. H will deepen relationship between me & Mr. Darcy. Louisa of the same opinion. We are all to attend some country-dance where we are to meet local beauties as Charles promised. If beauties are really as beautiful as Charles says, must have an eye on Mr. Darcy & prevent him meeting them. Charles has never seen beauties though, so might all turn out alright. Today told Mr. D fifteen minutes how much admire Georgiana, am sure he was very much delighted. Maybe will have Christmas wedding after all this year. (must make sure to lock Mr. H in attic or somewhere before ceremony).

October 16th:

Attended country dancing. Locals really clowns. Met beauties. Should rather say, "so-called beauties". Turns out beauties all part of one family. Could not believe, but family really consisted of five daughters, dim-witted mother & freaky father. Eldest daughter (called Jane) rather pleasant (pretty, and not at all Mr. Darcy's type, nice manners), will make nice companion for Charles until we return to London & keep him away from farmers' daughters (though must make sure freaky father is not, after all, farmer. Would spoil whole plan). Charles seemed attracted to Jane, Mr. D ignorant. Second daughter rather plain, but in comparison to rest of family well behaved. Might make companion for self while Charles busy with Jane and Louisa & H busy with cards. Could show Mr. D how pleasant a companion am. Rest of family total nightmare. Mother really dim-witted, one daughter ugly, rest of them flirting babies. On a more pleasant note, danced with Mr. D. Mr. D ignorant of so-called beauties, danced only with Louisa & self. Made comment about plain daughter, and dim-wittedness of mother. Seems Mr. D and I agree about everything. Must say I looked rather pleasing today. Had urges to wear orange again, but bravely resisted. Must not hasten things.

October 21st:

Had freaky family (though not father) over for morning visit. Maniacal mother obviously into Jane-Charles-wedding. Am sure neither Charles nor Jane really serious. Charles, after all, in love every other month. Still, should keep eye on them just in case. Must have Charles marry Georgiana as soon as she speaks more than once a day. Plain daughter (found out name is Elizabeth) obviously not interested in Mr. Darcy, though heard about his wealth (very pleasing information). Still, a bit annoying, thinks herself a wit. Though, of course, not as annoying as maniacal mother & flirting babies. Ugly daughter luckily not hysterical, but into sermons, which nobody pays attention to. Spent 20 minutes of very pleasing conversation with Mr. D. Found out all of his opinions on weather, will make sure to remember them. Praised Georgiana for 5 minutes. (only think, could have double wedding with Charles & Georgiana next spring. Should have to give up on Christmas wedding, though.) Still have not found out Mr. H's first name. Tried to ask butler, but failed. Butler seemed to think was interested in a lock of Mr. D's hair and recommended asking his valet. Well, might do that. Could not hurt.

October 25th:

Had to spend evening with locals again. Freaky family, of course, also attending (just my luck!). Ugly daughter tried to play piano & sing. Real nightmare. Told Mr. D how much superior Georgiana's performance is. Did not even have to lie. Had to resist urge to poison flirting babies & maniacal mother. Charles still paying attention to Jane (have made sure freaky father is not farmer, but possessing some kind of house, called Longbourn. No money, though, so obviously no match for Charles- apart from him having to marry Georgiana). Could not resist urge, had to wear wonderful orange gown, looked really pleasing & fashionable. Mr. D did not seem to notice, though, but probably he was just being shy. Plain sister was wearing white frock, really not becoming. The man without a first name is more and more annoying me. Suggested we all play cards the whole evening. I wonder if I can poison his wine?

October 27th:

Had terrible fit of urges today & was wearing orange the whole day. Must say, orange morning dress really becoming, and also orange gloves (had to spend evening with locals again). Mr. Darcy, strangely, still oblivious to orange-ity of self. Sometimes wonder whether Georgiana was really serious when she was telling me orange was his favourite colour? She speaks only once a day, so she really should not waste that period of time with lies. And must not forget the two of us are best of friends, so surely she would not lie to me. Wonder if I will have to have her around when living permanently in Pemberley. Wanted to ask Louisa what is her husband's first name, but did not know whether she knows; did not want to create embarrassing situation.

October 30th:

I wish Mr. Darcy would propose soon. Does he realise it is less than two months until Christmas? Men certainly are not aware of the amount of work that organizing one's wedding is. Luckily, have already written to Mrs Taylor in London, lovely dresses (all in orange) will be ready within two weeks after I inform them, also carriage-makers really delighted to provide new carriages for us. (I must have more carriages than that vulture- I mean, Lady Catherine.) Had to spend yet another evening with locals. Conversations just get more and more hysterical. Tried to speak with plain sister about the benefits of London (Mr. Darcy sitting close to us & obviously delighted that I could speak so eloquently about it), turned out freaky family has relations in Cheapside, where they stay when they are in town. Will have to point this out to Charles, just to make sure he does not do anything rash regarding Jane. Ugly sister insisted on singing again, ears are still aching, also from cries of hysterical mother. Wonder whether Mr. D knows H's first name. Will not ask him, though, do not want to convey idea that am interested in no-first name. Could ask Mr. D's valet, though.

November 3rd:

Wonder whether there are snowstorms in Hertfordshire that make visiting each other impossible. Am sure could not wish for anything else but being locked in this house with dear Louisa & Charles & Mr. D. Would have to make sure to lock Mr. H in the attic, though. Before going to rural meeting, wanted to ask Mr. D's valet about H's first name. Was misunderstood, though, and now have curl from Mr. D's head. Not bad at all. Wonder whether I should frame it, or make a ring out of it. Rural meeting total nightmare, and was not even wearing orange for consolation. Really tried my best to smile at comments of plain sister (Mr. Darcy being nearby, wanted to convey idea of being in good humour), but plain sister conversing about boring books with very plain friend of hers was very frustrating, almost felt like turning pages for Georgiana. Must remember to write lovely letter to Georgiana tomorrow, telling how much I miss her. Am sure will receive boring report about new piano plays from her, but will tell Mr. D am all in raptures about her letter. Spent 15 minutes today telling Mr. D how much I admire his sister. I wonder whether I will have to call first-born son "Fitzwilliam". Ugly name, really.

November 11th:

Mr. Darcy today made very alarming comment about fine-ness of eyes of plain sister. Was really shocked at first, then realised he was trying to make me jealous. No one in their right minds could call plain sister anything but plain. Made jokes about supposed marriage between him & plain girl, really had a good time. I feel we are agreeing on everything. Am sure to receive proposal this week, still in time for Christmas wedding. Could be mistress of Pemberley by New Year. Rest of evening total catastrophe, though. Had to visit family of plain girl's very plain friend. Flirting babies all into officers that seem to have come from nowhere, now all of the so-called town is full of them. Ugly sister into playing "serious music" (the thing Georgiana plays) but was stopped by flirting babies who wanted to do some hopping around with officers. Overheard Mr. D asking plain sister to dance, must certainly keep an eye on her. Not his fault, certainly, apparently she lured him into it. Though plain, she becomes more and more annoying. Wonder whether she has any plans for him?

November 12th:

Decided to have Jane over for the day. Want to find out more about plain sister's ambitions, also must make sure Jane not luring Charles into anything. Him spending so much time with her more and more alarming, cannot risk her making him promise anything. Really like her, though, so wish there was not thing with Charles, she seems to be only local one can talk to. Went all pretty well, managed to extract lots of freaky information about freaky family out of her. Louisa & I quite alarmed about low-ness of family. Unfortunately, had to have Jane stay the night, as she had come on horseback & there was lots of rain. Still, Jane complained about headache & retired early, spent lovely evening with Louisa discussing merits of Pemberley. Louisa says I certainly have right to place Georgiana somewhere else as soon as I live there, nobody can be forced to spend every day with her. Then realised that when am Mrs Darcy, Georgiana will be Mrs Bingley, so nothing to worry there.

November 13th:

Today really was not a good day. Turned out Jane had caught some sort of cold (apparently maniacal mother had sent her riding through the rain) & was not well. Seems to be maniacal mother's latest step in getting Jane married. Must make sure Charles not to visit sick-chamber. Will point out impropriety of situation. Though, on second thoughts, Jane really not looking good at the moment, red nose & feverish eyes (am really pitying her, knowing how dreadful such a cold can be). Still, might wake pity within Charles, which could lead to unwanted declaration of feelings he certainly has not. Better to warn him on impropriety of situation. Still, at that point of time had everything under control. Had sent for apothecary & made sure that Jane wrote letter to freaky family assuring them she was alright. Really thought there was no reason that freaky family should come & visit (unfortunately, rain had stopped, so could not rely on weather). Turns out I was wrong. Shortly after apothecary, plain sister arrived. Looked just as plain as ever, & dirtier than usual. Made sure to point out fact that petticoat was full of mud to Mr. D, just in case. Also managed to mention Georgiana in conversation, so am really pleased. Unfortunately, had to invite plain girl to stay. Must now make sure she does not come near Mr. D the whole day. Mr. D obviously still trying to make me jealous, commenting about her eyes again. Still, with Jane & plain girl around, environment not at all proposal-friendly. Probably have to wait for marriage until January. Situation could have been worse though, maniacal mother might have come & would probably have locked Charles into sick-chamber until situation compromising enough. Happily, plain girl spends most of her time in the sick-chamber, so no danger of her luring Mr. D into something there. Still, very annoying discussion between her & Mr. D today, Mr. D obviously totally unaware of her plans & thinking only of me, describing the perfect woman. Had to prevent Charles from inquiring after Jane too much, not appropriate at all & would give plain girl the wrong ideas. Mr. H also very annoying, wants to talk only about food & cards. Feel really tired today.

November 14th:

Having guests really is not as easy as sometimes thought. Today even worse day than yesterday. Politely inquired after Jane's health (really feel sorry for her. Very hard to have freaky family & terrible cold. Still, cannot have her marry Charles), and approved of plain girl's plan to send for apothecary, only to find out that plain girl wanted to send for maniacal mother as well. Maniacal mother turned up, accompanied by rest of freaky family, except freaky father & insisted upon Jane's staying. Stupid apothecary in favour of maniacal mother's plans. Afterwards, spent really awful time with freaky family & Charles & Mr. D. Am now convinced plain girl has some devilish plans. Obviously wants to befriend Charles & Mr. D. Poor Mr. D totally unaware of her sinister ideas, and non-existing charms, still, must pay attention. Cannot expect to be proposed to when plain girl & freaky family all around. Flirting babies managed to convince Charles to have ball in Netherfield. Am not sure what to think about that. Obviously, ball provides very romantic, proposal-friendly atmosphere, but freaky family & other locals would have to be invited. Ugly sister preaching sermons again, & maniacal mother obviously already ordering Jane's wedding clothes. Really hope Jane manages to find some clerk to marry soon. Cannot have her marry Charles, obviously, but really wish her to be able to leave freaky family. For the rest of the day, plain girl just more and more annoying. Had most pleasing talk to Mr. D about how much I admire Georgiana, but plain girl interrupted us by flirting with poor Charles. Mr. D of course totally unaware of her sinister plans & politely tried to make conversation, though am sure he had rather talked to me about letter he was just writing to Georgiana. Really seemed to appreciate my ideas. Also, he specially asked me to play the piano & was delighted at my performance. Am now quite sure shall be married in January. Am also convinced Mr. D all for double wedding. Cannot expect proposal while plain girl is still around, though. Must make sure she leaves soon. Do pity poor Jane, however. Today asked my abigail what she thought Mr. H's first name was, but she could not tell. Spent five minutes abusing Mr. H together with abigail, though normally do not talk to her. Wondered whether I can poison plain girl & H together. Am quite sure Louisa would prefer being a widow. Decided better to poison Mr. H after am married, really could not marry when in mourning, so had to delay plan. Also wonder whom Louisa should marry afterwards, as Mr. D obviously not available.

November 16th:

Plain girl & Jane to leave tomorrow, at last. Would have preferred them to go today, but felt pity for poor Jane, having to return to freaky family. Must confess, almost perceived danger in plain girl yesterday, so made sure (during conversation) that she know how intimate Mr. D & I am. Plain girl obviously found it amusing to find faults in Mr. D, naturally, was not successful. Also, made sure to walk together with plain girl, so Mr. D would notice who looked better. Earlier, pointed out plain-ness of plain girl, and low-ness of her connections to Mr. D. Noticed Mr. D still trying to make me jealous, so made ridiculous remarks about his marrying plain girl. All this talk about marriage, however, did not inspire him to proposal, but could not really expect proposal while freaky family around. Today, Mr. D again totally oblivious to plain girl & not talking to her & making remarks about her, so am quite sure now plain girl knows her sinister plans have failed. Am quite relieved, otherwise would have had to write to the vulture and inform her about the danger her nephew is in. Am convinced the vulture wants Mr. D to marry her dumb daughter.

November 19th:

Had the urges again today & wore orange morning dress. Looked really becoming. Really feel much better now that plain girl & Jane have left. Am still a bit worried about Charles, though. Obviously, poor Jane's illness induced him to think he is in love with her. Must make sure to mention Georgiana frequently, both to Mr. D & Charles, just in case. Do not think Charles will propose, however, as Mr. Darcy would be totally against it. He & I always seem to be of the same opinion. Still, should not take things to lightly. Mr. D & Charles rode to freaky family today to inquire after Jane's health. On a more pleasant note, Mr. D seems to have seen an old enemy of his in company of the plain girl. Obviously, plain girl now in love with enemy & not pursuing sinister plans anymore. Have only Charles' report on this, though, so should not be too sure. Am not sure why exactly Mr. Wickham (that seems to be the enemy's name) is Mr. D's enemy, but he seems to be the son of a servant, & any enemy of Mr. D must be my enemy anyway. Wonder whether, when proposed to (which could happen any day now), have to be married from Netherfield. Would prefer marrying in London, but would have to ask Georgiana to be bridesmaid.

November 21st:

Had to visit freaky family today & hand out invitations for Charles' ball. Took Louisa with me, unfortunately, Charles insisted on coming also & visiting Jane. Freaky family now has addition of creepy cousin, pompous rector of the vulture's parish. Was really sorry to see poor Jane with freaky family, assured her of my missing her (though would prefer her not seeing Charles so often. Am sure she has no evil designs, but rest of freaky family surely has.). Creepy cousin obviously intends to propose to plain girl, could not be more pleased. Was really glad when was able to leave again, though sorry for poor Jane. Really hope she meets a decent clerk to marry soon. Tried to ask Louisa's abigail and Charles' valet, what Mr. H's first name was, but ended up with two more curls of Mr. Darcy's hair. Now have a total of three curls of Mr. Darcy's hair. Wonder what to do with them, except frame. Must look for orange frame when in London next time. Though, when in London, will probably have to spend whole day turning pages for Georgiana. Mentioned how much I look forward to meeting Georgiana thrice to Mr. D.

November 26th:

Luckily, rain the whole weekend, so no visits from freaky family & creepy cousin. Today, day of ball. Am now really alarmed & will have to make sure Charles does not see more of Jane. Although, must make sure Mr. D not to talk to plain girl anymore. Plain girl even lured him into dancing, though has already two admirers, namely, creepy cousin & enemy. Even mentioned low-ness and despicability of enemy to her, but still she seemed to be determined. Well, I only meant to be nice. Do not really know why, even. Surely would not mind her marrying enemy, but was thinking about poor Jane. Really could not meet her if enemy of my husband was her brother. Freaky family even more freaky than usual. Flirting babies obviously drunk, maniacal mother seems already to have ordered wedding clothes for Jane & plain girl (still seems to think Charles to marry Jane) & frenzy father behaving totally clownish & showing no manners at all. Must admit plain girl tried to behave well, but cannot forgive her for luring Mr. D into dancing. Am quite depressed. Lots of preparations for stupid ball & all went rather well, but could not enjoy it after observed sinister plans of freaky family. Creepy cousin even dared to address poor Mr. D & speak to him about the vulture. Obviously creepy cousin fancies the vulture more than the plain girl. Wonder whether he knows about the vulture's sinister plans for poor Mr. D & dumb daughter. Charles to ride to London tomorrow, must make sure he does not return to Netherfield.

November 27th:

Had discussion with Louisa & Mr. D today. Resolved to go to London immediately. Both Mr. D & I of the same opinion as regards freaky family & dangers for poor Charles. Am really convinced now will receive proposal before Christmas, Mr. D & self always getting along so well. Felt sorry to leave poor Jane with freaky family & wrote compassionate letter & told her how much would like to see her in town. Also told her about Charles marrying Georgiana, in case maniacal mother reads letter & plans to send her to London. Must make sure that Charles does not see Jane should she come to London. Am quite looking forward to being in town again, but realise will have to turn pages again. Really must hasten Georgiana wedding Charles. Wonder whether I can leave H in Netherfield, could lock him up in the attics somewhere. On a more pleasant note, can buy more orange dresses when in London, also must make new arrangements with Mrs Taylor about wedding clothes & with carriage-makers. Am sure shall be married in January.

Part Two: In Which Caroline Goes To Town And Meets Many Friends

Posted on Sunday, 11 June 2006

November 29th:

Arrived in town at last. Must confess, am quite happy to be back here. Am sure to have many engagements & nice non-rustic parties. Also, will be able to purchase many fashionable gowns & items. Thought of having to see Georgiana every day quite dreadful though. Also Mr. D no longer staying with us but in his own townhouse with Charles & G & some Mrs Annesley. Hurst still living with us, unfortunately. Almost managed to forget him in the inn we spent the night but stupid footman noticed his absence when carriage had just begun to move. Will make sure he is fired. Footman, that is. Unfortunately, am not able to fire Hurst. Am quite exhausted. Louisa & I & Mr. Darcy had talk with Charles about how he must be careful not to interpret too much into getting along well with Jane & how Jane was not interested in him in. Luckily, were able to convince Charles after only one & half hours & he is now quite resolved to forget her. Must make sure he meets Georgiana often enough.

December 1st:

Decided to put on best orange gown & spend day with Georgiana. Dreaded thought of turning pages but heard Mr. D to be at home all day. Luckily, was interrupted after only 1 hour of turning pages as some friends of Mr. D called. Rather strange couple, always goggling at each other, but very well-behaved & very rich and possessing large property in Surrey. He is much older than she is & she is considered to be very intelligent, though could not see much of that. Have heard she is very charming hostess & invites the crème of the town, so made sure to be very nice towards her. Anyway, conversing with her better than turning pages for Georgiana although some of her stories about how she never was in town before quite boring & Mr. D obviously pleased that I got along so well with her.

December 4th:

Had most vexing conversation with abigail about stain in orange lace gown. Did not know red wine would make such awful stains; in the future, will stay away from Hurst when he drinks wine. Had to wear pink gown because abigail insists all orange ones still wet. Went to see Georgiana only to discover strange couple visiting again & what was more, another couple also there. Both of them very young & seem to have married only last month. He very rich & from very respectable family in the North. Was shocked, though, to hear that she was trained as a governess or something before he married her. Obviously tricked him into marriage. Most annoying thing was both couples seemed to be friends & had lived in same village in Surrey - place of no importance, anyway. Strange wife telling governess how delighted she was all the time & telling her all about life in Surrey village: father staying with someone called Weston - someone called Elton having to sell carriage - someone called Martin to buy said carriage - thought they would never stop. Was shocked to discover that governess considered to be wonderful piano player by strange couple & Georgiana striking up conversation with governess even though she normally does not talk to anyone including self. Have terrible headache now & decided to retire early. Forgot to ask butler what he though Hurst's first name was.

December 6th:

Did not think spending day with Georgiana could be more boring than turning pages but turns out was wrong. Georgiana conversing with strange wife & all the time telling her Mrs Churchill says this & Mrs Churchill recommends that & Mrs Churchill reckons this piano- almost fell asleep, certainly prefer non-talking Georgiana. Things just got worse when strange wife left for greedy governess came & Georgiana now telling her about visit of strange wife & Mrs Knightley agrees & Mrs Knightley says that. Felt quite left out & Mr. Darcy did not turn up all day. Wonder how he means to propose if he never is there. Resolved to leave early & instead of turning pages spent nice afternoon shopping with Louisa & bought very pretty orange & yellow shawl.

December 7th:

Could not stand thought of another day with Georgiana & her new friends & so decided to visit dear Fanny Dashwood instead. Poor dear really had terrible year, she told me, apparently her brother married a horrible, poor & plain girl & now insists on being some sort of parson in the country & her brother Robert also married someone without money though Fanny admits she is very nice. Told her about Charles & Jane & she agreed with me that we did our best for Charles & also advised me not to let him meet her again for at least a year. Told dear Fanny about how Mr. D too shy to propose & she suggested that I should make Louisa throws lots of parties & attend lots of them. Party atmosphere obviously much more proposal-friendly than morning visits. Told dear Fanny about how I did not know Hurst's first name & she suggested should ask the housekeeper. Felt much better when I left her although had not seen Mr. D all day & spoke to housekeeper as soon as I returned. Housekeeper seemed not to understand me and returned with lock of Mr. D's hair. Do not know how she came to it but have now total of four curls of his hair. Would prefer the man to his wig.

December 10th:

Went to the milliner's to discuss lovely new hats (one bright green, one orange, one pink) only to meet strange wife & greedy governess & Georgiana. Strange wife obviously took it into her head that Georgiana needs new hat & gowns so had to say that I would take G to Mrs Taylor. Will have to go to Mrs Taylor anyway, have heard next season calls for lower waists & anyway need new orange gown as abigail could not do anything against stains in now two orange gowns. Wonder whether should rather order wine-coloured gowns. Must make sure Mrs T does not mention wedding gowns, though, could give G wrong idea & probably she would tell her brother & we all know that though he loves me he is too shy to propose at the moment & would probably be intimidated. Went to Fanny afterwards & spent nice afternoon embroidering orange cushions, must say, rather pretty. Told Fanny about G & Mrs T & Fanny says probably very good idea, will make Mr. D aware how much I care for his sister.

December 15th:

Louisa had guests for dinner, Mr. D & Charles of course, but unfortunately also the strange couple & the greedy governess & her husband, but also many nice people, dear Fanny & her husband & her mother & Mr. & Mrs Robert Ferrars (Fanny is right, Mrs Robert Ferrars very poor, but nice girl, so we all inclined to forgive her) & Cpt. Tilney & Mr. & Mrs Willoughby & others. Mrs Robert Ferrars told me how she always thought she fancied Mr. Robert Ferrar's brother, but then discovered that she liked R.F. much better. Wonder whether Mr. D has perhaps brother somewhere hidden, in the army or somewhere? Would have to be older brother, though, otherwise could never marry him. And am quite convinced now Mr. D about to propose, so thoughts about a brother fruitless anyway. Certainly felt Mr. D giving self many significant looks, certainly not to be mistaken for tricks of light. Also, has not mentioned plain girl for a whole week. Wanted to go & speak to him, but unfortunately, Hurst tripped over carpet & spilt wine over my gown. Had to retire immediately & give gown to abigail, was brand-new orange gown with waist cut after latest fashion. Abigail insisted gown had to be soaked at once, so could not return, though am sure Mr. D would not have minded self en dishabille (or whichever way one spells that).

December 16th:

Abigail told me she could not get stains out of new gown, offered to dye whole gown. Had a little fit when thought about the number of items no-firstname had already destroyed with his drinks (not only three orange gowns this season, but also one pair of orange slippers, one bright green spencer, one pink hat & three handkerchiefs) and started throwing objects. Abigail tried to console me & handed me wrapped object that turned out to be curl from Mr. D, fifth this season. Went downstairs only to discover Louisa ordering H about the hall, making him arrange Christmas decorations. Asked whether she thought not butler more fit for task, but she said it was custom she & H always liked very much. Wondered whether could manipulate ladder, causing deadly fall, but could not find saw or axe. Was in no mood to spend whole day with Georgiana again, so went to dear Fanny instead & abused H. Did not see Mr. D all day & also have headache. Wonder whether should ask cook for rat poison. Not for self, obviously, but H.

December 19th:

Wanted to put on freshly laundered bright yellow morning gown, only to find stain from wine on it. H must have stumbled over laundry basket yesterday while carrying glass of wine. Really do wonder whether he does it on purpose, wanting to destroy all my clothing. Had to put on pale blue gown & looked almost like plain sister, & went to cook to ask after rat poison. Cook smiled brightly & returned with what is now sixth curl of Mr. Darcy in my collection. Found rat poison on shelf in store-room when cook went back to pots & pocketed it. Wonder whether should put it in his wine, though, or in his brandy. Am afraid he might offer guests glass of brandy, do not want to risk poisoning of Mr. D. Though, in an afterthought, Mr. D. has not visited as often as one could wish for. Can only hope he is busy with secret preparations for wedding & getting a special licence.

December 20th:

Went to visit G. this morning & told her how sorry I was to have neglected her so much. G. said not to worry because dear Mrs Knightley & dear Mrs Churchill had spent so much time with her, she had not felt lonely at all. Must confess am slightly alarmed. Only hope neither strange wife nor greedy governess have unmarried sister they wish to throw on poor Mr. D. Just my luck, the two of them arrived only five minutes after self, bringing with them their husbands & Mr. D. Was of course delighted to see Mr. D again & told him so & also was very friendly to Georgiana's friends but felt slightly inferior because was wearing pale blue gown again, as no other gown available apart from dark green one. Damage in laundry basket obviously greater than thought before. Only good thing about visit of Georgiana's friend was they had come to take leave because they are to return to their unimportant village for Christmas in order to celebrate with some people called Weston, Bates & strange wife's family. Did not wish to hear all the details but really had no choice. Am glad though will be able to spend Christmas only with family & Mr. D & unfortunately H. Slightly worried about lack of Christmas enthusiasm on Mr. D's part but probably due to the weather. Wondered whether we are to celebrate at the Hursts', or at Mr. D's & was slightly confused because nobody asked me about it yet, but was sure everything would turn out all right & anyway had not the time to worry about it as had arranged meeting with Fanny. Wanted to take G to dear Fanny, but Mr. D said most unfortunately they had to meet some relative, so went to dear Fanny alone & told her about laundry crisis. Fanny agrees situation with H not bearably at all & tells me that as soon as am engaged must insist on short engagement, really cannot stay with H. any longer.

December 22nd:

Still have not been informed by anyone where I am to spend Christmas. I wonder whether they forgot? Surely, Louisa & H must celebrate Christmas somewhere & would not want to leave me out. And certainly Charles can not want to spend Christmas without his family. Also, Charles may not want to spend without Georgiana, so probably we are all to spend Christmas with G & Mr. D. Am quite sure this is it. Wonder though why nobody told me. Unless Mr. D asked them not to, in order to arrange surprise for self. Do hope, though, surprise is made of gold & contains diamond & fits my finger. Georgiana got a bust of a composer from him last year. Do not know what the man has in mind when he shops for presents. Am only glad have all mine ready. Very nice hat for Louisa in apricot - will look marvellous on her - new inkstand & new quills for Charles - had them specially made for 'beginners' - very pretty orange embroidered pillow for Georgiana - hope her brother admires it - very large book for Mr. D - do not have a clue what it is about, but the bookseller recommended it - and lovely bottle of brandy & rat poison for H. Can really not believe how inventive I am when it comes to presents.

December 23rd:

Still have not received any invitation for Christmas & am now slightly worried. Surely, Mr. D must realise that I could accept other invitation if he does not invite soon. Maybe he thinks Georgiana did ask, but G did not because she never talks. Silly girl really. Must visit her first thing in the morning & make sure to drop lots of hints about Christmas party. Was so exhausted from worrying about Christmas party, did not even notice that H had destroyed yet another gown until abigail pointed it out. Whole Christmas thing definitely most vexing.

December 24th:

Went to Georgiana's & spent most boring morning there, talking about Christmas celebrations all the time & steering the conversation back on Christmas whenever she wanted to talk about silly composers. Still, only received invitation when Mr. D came home & G asked him had he remembered to invite me to party & he then invited me. Do wonder why he forgot. Must have been misunderstanding between him & G, how can he be expected to discuss anything with her when the silly girl does not speak? Was forced to spend rest of the morning turning pages for G, who wanted to prepare musical entertainment for Christmas party. Fear that that means will have to turn pages tomorrow again & cannot escape from it as Mr. Darcy will be watching all the time. Christmas most tiresome holiday. Came home only to find abigail all in uproar because H had stumbled into ironing chamber and spilt wine all over new orange Christmas gown. All abigail could do was dye it & now have to wear wine-coloured gown for Christmas & what will Mr. D think about it? Poor girl all in tears, but could not really blame her for ruined gown, knowing H, so told her not to worry & remember to lock ironing room next time she ironed my gowns. Wonder when did I become so soft? Am totally exhausted & wish could spend whole day tomorrow in bed, but must of course go to Christmas party, now that I have invitation.

December 25th:

Most tiresome day, just as expected. Was woken by abigail quite early & feared something terrible had happened to wardrobe again, but was only that abigail wanted to give me present from servants. Received very pretty box from them, exactly the right size to store curls of male hair in them, so put all my six curls in there. Really thoughtful of them & so felt really touched & gave abigail more money than had intended. Really have become soft. Went downstairs only to discover H had put up mistletoe on entry to breakfast parlour. Asked footman whether Mr. D was anywhere in the building, but he said no, so did not want to risk anything with regard to H & had to sneak into parlour via servants' entry. Must say, quite narrow passage. Did not know servants were that small. Luckily, H did not breakfast with us, as he was sitting in the library having his own more liquid breakfast. Had most delightful morning with Louisa exchanging gifts - turns out Louisa gave me almost exactly the same hat I gave her - most curious how our minds work so much alike. Had great time with dear Louisa trying to imagine what gruesome gifts G might have in store for us - my guess was sheets of music. Turns out, though, that was wrong. Party at Mr. Darcy's started nice enough, though, but unfortunately, Georgiana then made her entrance. We were all forced to endure piano music, though H of course not in a state to listen any more & G forced me to turn pages for what seemed hours but Louisa told me afterwards it was only twenty minutes. Then big exchange of presents started - with the exception of Louisa and me having already exchanged - & it was from that point that things got slightly out of control. Charles pleased enough with his quills, to be sure, & G smiled & thanked me for the pillow & H grabbed the bottle I gave him. Then handed Mr. D the present I gave him & he thanked me & said he had always wanted Fordyce's Sermons in a leather-bound edition, so thought evening might turn out very nice & proposal-friendly after all, especially as H tried to open bottle & expressed wish to drink rat poison (not knowing it was rat poison, of course).

Unfortunately, though, he offered glass to Charles & Mr. D and Mr. D all of a sudden accepted! Was really scared & situation demanded very quick thinking. Only solution that could think of was to stand up very quickly & allow H to 'accidentally' spill brandy all over beautiful though wine-coloured new gown. Had not thought that rat poison was that effective though. Did not only stain gown, but actually burned hole right through it. Was afraid others might notice hole & ask nasty questions about quality of (now all spilt) brandy, so had to grab candle & set gown on fire. Did not realize there was enough brandy on rest of gown to make fire spread rather quickly & suddenly found self on the floor wearing only petticoats & buried under Mr. D. Realised, though, that first assumption of Mr. D being overwhelmed by new gown was wrong & suddenly detecting burning passion was wrong, was actually burning gown that Mr. D detected. Was a little bit ashamed of self - although sensation of being buried below Mr. D not totally unpleasant & had to ask G for gown to wear. Went home very soon afterwards, as Louisa thought that I was feeling a bit off & had fallen asleep, allowing whole brandy/ candle disaster to happen. H complaining about good brandy all being lost all the way home, did obviously not realise that brandy would have killed him. It was only in the carriage that found time to have a look at present from G & Mr. D. Had expected something golden to fit finger, but was severely disappointed. Present turned out to be book - that is, set of books. Wonder who ever bothered to read book that contained several volumes. Was some sort of intellectual book called Pride and Prejudice, written by someone called Lady. Nasty, common name. Tried to read first pages, but really could not. Was dreadfully boring about girls desperately looking for a husband. Feel really tired & will probably claim having a headache & stay in bed rest of the week.

December 29th:

Wanted to stay in bed longer but had to get up & go out, abigail told me had only two decent non-dark green morning gowns left after the recent accidents, so had to go to Mrs Taylor's & ask for new gowns ready by tomorrow. Only positive thing that happened was that met Fanny at Mrs Taylor's & told her about burning gown accident. Was astonished to learn that Fanny already knew, apparently, Mr. D's footman had told Mrs Ferrars' footman, who had told Mrs Robert Ferrars' footman, who had told Mrs Robert Ferrars, who had told Miss Steele - whoever that is - who had felt free to tell whole city. Did not know all of London was aware that I had set myself on fire in Mr. Darcy's drawing room on Christmas. Realise, now that I write it down, that it is even more dreadful than I imagined. Am convinced whole town will be talking about me by now. Do so wish could leave this wretched place, but cannot, as have not even enough gowns - until tomorrow, that is. Most frustrating thing is that not even Mr. D or G inquired how I was after fire. Can only think that Mr. D was overwhelmed by seeing me on fire, & embracing me in order to rescue me, & now does not trust himself to come near me again, for fear he will do something to damage my reputation. Still, would be nice if he called, would make me feel situation was not as dreadful as it really is. Do not think I shall ever leave this house again. Except to collect new gowns tomorrow of course. Was so depressed that I ordered all eight of them to be orange, plus one bright yellow one & one bright green one.

December 30th:

A miracle has happened. Will finally be able to leave this place & hopefully not return soon. Went downstairs this morning, still very depressed, both from whole fire/ gossip thing & from having to wear dark green gown. Had only gotten up in order to collect lovely new orange gowns, but not even thought of them could improve my mood. Just in this moment post arrived & could not really believe my luck then. Louisa received letter from friend who lives somewhere in Somersetshire. Do not know this friend, who is, as Louisa told me, several years younger than I am - so must be really very young - but Louisa told me she is very amiable & not at all vulgar. Mother is dead & she lives together with father, who is a baronet & sisters. The important point is, this friend invited Louisa & Charles & me & unfortunately Hurst, too, to visit her for some weeks & to return with her to the city in March. Cannot believe I really am to leave this place after all. Am sure nothing better could have happened. Unfortunately, we have to wait until January 10th, as Hurst claims he has some business to do, but better than nothing, anyway, & of course need time to order more gowns, now that am going to stay with baronet & of course must say goodbye to dear Fanny & Mr. Darcy. Mr. D probably will recognize his deep regard for self if he does not see me for several weeks, & am quite convinced he will propose in March when he sees me again. Really feel much better now, that I know new year will not begin as total fiasco, instead, shall meet new interesting people & probably be married in May.

Part Three: In Which Caroline Is Detained In Town And Acquires New Skills

Posted on 2009-03-05

December 31st:

Cannot believe another year has gone by and am still not married. Felt very depressed this morning. Accidentally stumbled upon list with last year's new year's resolutions & realised how many things did not accomplish. Have not married Mr D. Have not learnt French. Have not embroidered tapestry. Have not formed meaningful friendship with Georgiana. Have not followed politics in the newspapers. Have not stopped wearing orange. Have not found out Hurst's first name. Am resolved to be more attentive to new year's resolutions next year. Also, will try to be more subtle in making Mr D. realise my true feelings as do not want to set self on fire again. Also, will not accept any more curls from Mr D. or other male which are presented to me by well-meaning servants as half a dozen is a nice round number.

January 3rd:

trist = sad
tristesse = sadness
Je suis triste = I am sad.

Am still stuck in town. Do not know what is keeping us; according to Louisa, H. still needing to conduct important business deal. Spent several hours with Louisa sketching drafts for tapestry but all for nought. Charles thought was Japanese still life when showed him what was supposed to be life-size picture of Mr D. Have not seen Mr D. or G. again since unfortunate burning incident. Went to visit Fanny and agreed with her should not seek out Mr D. soon.

January 5th:

detester = to hate.
Je deteste = I hate.
J'ai detesté = I have hated.

H. still detained by so-called business. Was woken up late last night when mysterious men delivered several crates of unknown content via the backdoor. Was woken this morning by abigail telling me that laundry room was locked & she could not get into it. Crates nowhere to be seen. Was forced to wear dark-green gown again because new gowns in laundry room for pressing. Felt very depressed & complained to housekeeper about locked doors. Stupid woman presented me with new curl of hair & freshly-made cupcake. Must say, cupcake not at all bad. Did not venture out all day as weather rather depressing. Wish could go into the country.

January 8th:

il pleut = it is raining
il pleuvait = it was raining
il pleuvra = it will be raining

Still detained indoors but no loss as laundry room still locked & key still missing so was forced to wear dark-green gowns all week. Another delivery came for H. last night and was woken up again. Wish that man would live somewhere else. Do not know how poor Louisa can tolerate his presence. Searched out cook & asked about possibility of cupcakes for breakfast. Was presented with curl & also cupcake so visit to kitchen rather successful. Tried to mention possibility of rat poison in H's breakfast but cook did not understand my nudges. Spent several hours trying to re-sketch Mr D.'s likeness but unsuccessful.

January 11th:

It appears situation with France rather more dire than thought before. Lecture of newspaper most educating experience but am not sure I like being frightened over breakfast of delicious cupcakes. Was visited by Jane who apparently is still in town. Jane informed me creepy cousin now married to plain girl's friend. Never liked her but feel must pity her now. Knew not what to say to Jane. Did not want to mention French studies as have not made progress yet & know not how well Jane speaks French. Wanted to mention how much detest H. but was not sure Jane would understand. Jane asked about Christmas but did not want to tell her set fire to self in Mr Darcy's drawing room so only shrugged. Meant to tell her about gown crisis but then did not know if perhaps H.'s business not legal & could not risk involving myself. Was about to show Jane sketch for tapestries but then recalled had scribbled 'Caroline Darcy, Duchess of Derbyshire' in the margins & knew not whether Jane would find that silly. In the end, did not talk much.

January 15th:

gris = grey
vert = green
rouge = red
noir = black

Was forced to go out and order new gowns since could not reach ones in laundry room. Abigail tells me two of the housemaids forced to loan money from housekeeper to buy new aprons as old ones still locked in. Had cupcakes again for breakfast & must say much more pleasing start into day than reading about dreadful quarrels in House of Commons again. Do not know why men make such fuss about going into politics when all they do is behave like fishmongers once inside parliament.

Ran into G. at Mrs Taylor's and had pleasant chat with her if rather forced. G. tells me insurance company settled all affairs with burnt holes in carpet & tells me not to feel sorry as she never liked it anyway. Mentioned to G. am sketching embroidery for tapestry & G. offered to help me. Must show her some draft not involving her brother. Dreadful disappointment about gowns though as no orange or yellow fabric available at short notice & was forced to order three gowns in white and pale blue as really cannot stand sight of dark green anymore.

January 17th:

Fanny says should probably call on G. soon & go over embroidery sketches with her as G. really accomplished with needle & also must make sure do not loose all connections with important family only because of burning incident. Fanny tells me no one talking about Christmas fire anymore anyway because Mary Crawford lost a stocking at the opera the other day. Felt much more cheerful & had cupcakes & tea with Louisa. Louisa says any day now business will be over and shall be able to finally get into the country. Only wish weather would clear up.

January 22nd:

la fureur = anger
se mettre en fureur = to become enraged
Je me suis mise en fureur = I became enraged.

Abigail informs me laundry now seen to in still-room as laundry room still locked & late-night delivery people apparently knocked over jar of raspberry jam over new white gown. Gown already in dyeing vat & shall come out beautiful wine-colour soon or so abigail tells me. Wonder what is going on at our backdoors; surely products that are delivered and sold at nights cannot be legal.

Meant to ask Louisa about possibility of laundry room having become smuggling den but did not manage to for Mr D of all people came to visit. Was still enjoying cupcakes & newest parliament gossip when he was announced but think was very pleasing. Mr D did not mention fire accident at all & only asked about everyone's health. Told him had seen Jane lately & informed him about plain girl's friend's sad fate but talk of weddings did not inspire Mr D to act & did not want to mention topic of possible engagement myself as did not know whether would be the thing to do after set fire to precious heirloom rug. Must say Mr D rather pleasing about whole carpet affair & also told me G. would like me to visit soon.

January 24th:

la neige = the snow
neiger = to snow
il neigeait toute la nuit = Snow was falling all night.

Spent day with G. today & really think made progress with embroidery. G. encouraged me not to portray any person but rather try patterns first & helped me sketch rather pleasant Japanese floral pattern. Must purchase wool for project soon but really do not want to venture out in dark-green gowns or wine-red gowns. Tried to put on pale blue one as have become rather fond of it but hem was ripped. Abigail informs me late-night visitors accidentally entered still-room and knocked over laundry hampers. Really do think H should conduct illegal business on other premises & also do think housekeeper should allow me to borrow some poison. Tried to ask H's valet about illegal business but was only given what is now ninth curl in possession & a cupcake.

January 25th:

Louisa said H asked her to stay away from home all day & she had already made appointment with Mrs Taylor. Wanted to accompany her but was very boring because did not have appointment & also still no orange fabrics to be had. Louisa reminded me had meant to visit Jane so set off for Cheapside & was really in bad mood as was wearing white frock again & also driver had to ask for the way thrice.

Knew not what to say to Jane as possible illegal business still out of question & also did not want to talk about politics. Ended up telling her how I spent time with G. embroidering & also mentioned that all of us to leave London soon. Did not say though that had to wait until smuggler's cove in own basement filled with illegal products. Left early as was eager to discuss choice of colours with G. & also feared driver would not be able to find way back in the dark. Really like Jane but do wish girl was somewhat more lively as her silence makes it very difficult to talk & also think some child spilt juice on my gown as have no large stain on what was last wearable white frock.

Visited G. afterwards & met Mr D. & told him had seen Jane again. Mr D. advised me not to tell Charles since Charles just over whole sad affair with Jane & really did not want to contradict him as think he is right & also think it important to show him I agree with him on important matters. G. thinks should use shades of green not orange and make flowers blue not yellow.

January 28th:

Laundry crisis now definitely alarming. Another frock missing and no one able to tell me where it went. Shall have to think about ordering fabric en gros so as not to deplete funds totally. Realise must settle on one colour then; preferably wine or other dark shade that does not mind being dyed by clumsy mysterious nightly visitors. Live now in daily fear of Bow Street Runners storming house; on the other hand, thought of lui-sans-nom being arrested definitely uplifting. Was wondering whether to visit Jane today and apologise for lack of spirits at last visit but caught article in the newspaper about proposed bill and lost track of time. G. sent an invitation for tea.

January 28th:

Le duc = the Duke
La duchesse = the Duchess
Le comte = the Count
La comtesse = the Countess

Really sweet of G. to invite me for tea so often when one considers that only a month ago, set fire to one of their carpets & self in their drawing room. Had very good time & most tasty cupcakes. Only wish G. had not asked her guardian for tea as well. Most peculiar man; kept winking at me and making nonsensical remarks. Also think he was slipping me cupcakes on my plate as feel quite full now. Asked G. about ordering fabric en gros and she offered to accompany me. Had meant to ask Fanny but now realise F. would find buying fabric en gros tacky & also think G. more sensible about suggestion of suitable colour.

After tea, went to search out Darcy housekeeper to ask for recipe for cupcakes and to my surprise was presented with curl that is definitely not Darcy's. Suspicious shade of blond & shorter than the other curls. Put it in the box nevertheless.

Part Four: In Which Caroline Is Still In Town And Reduced To Blackness

Posted on 2009-11-17

February 2nd:

Really think must have word with someone about laundry crisis only do not know who. Abigail woke me this morning to tell me had nothing to wear except ugly black frock which I wore in mourning of Uncle Algy when I was seventeen. Asked about the white and pale blue gowns & was told one of them had disappeared & one had mysterious stain on it & one found outside in the snow. Thought had more than three gowns but abigail said was all that was left apart from one orange but that had mysterious hole in it & also ripped hem. Was not even in the mood for orange but would have preferred it to the black monstrosity. Whoever suggested ruffled sleeves ought to be shot.

Told abigail she should make sure all of my gowns are back in my room before sundown & if any are still wet to place the laundry hampers in my room. Told her she could do the same with the aprons as had heard from butler that several of the maids' uniforms had disappeared. Abigail sobbed with gratitude & really knew not what to say but then luckily housekeeper came with fresh cupcakes to sample. New flavour, apparently, with raspberry jam. Very tasty although assume use of raspberries was necessary after still another incident in the still room.

Shall have to send to Mrs T & ask for at least one gown to be delivered; cannot even go out to buy fabric in the blackness.

February 3rd:

Most depressing day. Raspberry cupcakes really were highlight of the day as it went downhill from there. Newspaper full of disconcerting news; cannot believe how stubborn men are when it comes to their pride & do they not understand country needs new bills? Also still wearing black monstrosity as remaining gowns still undergoing various laundry procedures to cleanse them. Intense cleansing necessary as really have no idea how they got those stains & do not want to know precise nature of stains anyway.

Had surprise morning visit from G & her peculiar guardian even though had told butler was not at home but apparently H let them in when he was bringing a box out to a waiting carriage. Really do not want to know. Was looking my most horrid in the blackness & also apparently raspberry jam had caught on one of the thousand ruffles. Was ready to rip off sleeves but it was freezing already. Asked housekeeper about lack of proper fires in the morning & learned servants had not been allowed to leave their rooms until after sunrise.

P.G. most infuriating, kept shooting looks at the ruffles of doom & also asked about H & the boxes which clearly is none of his business. Hope he finds out though so he can tell me. Then emergency frock was delivered in the afternoon & was looking forward to putting it on only Mrs T obviously not up to her usual standard and had sent something not my size.

February 4th:

Day 3 in black monstrosity. Feel very sallow in the face already. Had emergency gown sent back to Mrs T in the morning with strict orders to send new gown in cheerful colour & right size. Messenger returned with note saying gown sent to me was only available gown my size at short notice. Unpacked it & found stunningly obscene piece made of scanty apricot fabric of dubious quality. Bust-line down to regions best not displayed in public & overall transparency of gown unbearable; to say nothing of the garish flitter adorning it. Also did not fit me. Had it transported back to Mrs T with letter stating was not in mood for her little jokes and to send replacement gown at once or see me take my business elsewhere.

Did not receive any visitors & stayed indoors all day. L went to see Fanny & asked me to accompany her but did not feel like going out. Had cupcakes instead & read about latest hare-brained schemes for the treasury.

February 5th:

Day 4 in black monstrosity. Think my face has become greyish. Called for abigail to find out what happened to other gowns & learned that orange gown was mended. Strangely did not feel like orange at all but put it on nevertheless. Seems though abigail made mistake in mending hole & cut out too much fabric; gown now much too small. Asked for blue gowns & found out are still soaking in vinegar. Asked for dark green gown; was told had disappeared from my room while I was having breakfast yesterday. Abigail tells me though that wine-red gown has reappeared in stable yard, mysteriously wrapped around silver candlestick missing from dining-room. Gown very dirty but probably still wearable once thoroughly soaked in vinegar.

Received note from Mrs T stating she was not joking, harlot gown was in colour I had admired last autumn & measurements were same as had been taken last time I was in for measuring. Sent back letter telling her in no uncertain words she had lost a customer. Felt strangely liberated afterwards but then recalled had nothing to wear. Sent abigail to purchase books about House of Commons; feel need more information to properly understand parliament reports.

February 7th:

Day 6 in black monstrosity. Was so upset yesterday could not even bring self to write journal. Could not believe abigail at first when she told me soaking gowns had been stolen from my room at night. Was going to shake her but then remembered had left the room to look for book about English history in the library & that must have been when thieves entered the room. Most displeasing especially as was not able to locate book either even though am sure it used to be there for governess used to spend hours torturing L & me with it. Really should have paid better attention back then because then I would know all about the Civil Wars now & would not need to look it up.

Do wish thieves had taken black monstrosity as well but then would not have anything to wear at all. Really must see to acquiring new gowns but cannot bring self to contact Mrs T again & know not what other dressmakers to visit. Thought about asking Fanny but on second thoughts was not sure whether we have same style & budget. L said not to make a fuss and order same orange gowns as those that disappeared but somehow do not feel like orange. Do not know why & also quite curious urges should go away so suddenly.

Am quite sure G will come to visit today. Had note from her telling me she wished to discuss important matter with me. Only hope she does not bring the P.G. with her as really am in no mood to talk to him at all.

February 8th:

Day 7 in black monstrosity. Abigail convinced me to subscribe to a lending library as more budget-friendly than constantly purchasing books about new subjects that need to be researched. Lending library quite fascinating I think. Always thought they only stocked novels but abigail assured me they had volumes of every description imaginable. Gave her list of topics wish to read about & she was able to find very interesting tomes. Shall have to examine them later today.

Was of course right. G came to visit yesterday. Most charming conversation but unfortunately P.G. accompanying her. Discovered to my horror the man spikes his tea with so much sugar it turns into vaguely tea-coloured molasses. Really think it most disgusting habit ridiculing all traditions of our country. (NB must find out history of tea-consumption in England. Do not think it is native plant.)

Vile habits of P.G. forgotten however when G proposed we go out to buy fabric together as planned. Was most eager to go with her although do not think P.G. needed to look quite so smug when I packed the rest of the cupcakes for us to eat in the carriage. Told G was not sure where to go but G said she had address of merchant recommended by Strange Wife, whose name actually is Emma. Merchant indeed most genteel in manners & very helpful. G & I picked roll of each pale blue fabric with sort of flowered pattern & dark burgundy that is going to be embroidered & decided to split rolls and costs between us. Was unsure about colours but G most unnaturally determined about it & then P.G. cut discussion short by simply telling merchant to wrap fabric up & deliver it to Darcy townhouse.

Confided to G about disagreement with Mrs T & thankfully she did not laugh & was very sympathetic about harlot gown. Told me E had also recommended new tailor & we have appointment there tomorrow.

Did not go out today as weather very bad & still have no frock to wear apart from monstrosity. Wanted to continue reading about parliamentary history but instead started novel D & G gave me for Christmas. First chapters rather amusing read but unfortunately books still faintly smelling of smoke from the carpet incident.

February 10th:

Last day in black monstrosity. Do not know whether I can bear to wait another day for the new gowns to be delivered tomorrow at last. Gave strict orders to abigail to wait for gowns to arrive & to take them upstairs to my room directly & lock them into my trunk. Do not want to risk anything happening to them.

Visit with new tailor yesterday most agreeable. First was sceptical because atmosphere very different from atmosphere at Mrs T's. Tailor rather strange lady who did not compliment G or me at all but instead clucked her tongue & called us duckies. Wanted to leave then but G said to stay as lady was complete genius & had to admit gowns on display were quite stunning. Was measured then & it turns out Mrs T was lying to me all the time & measurements she told me I had were not actual measurements as need at least an inch more. Was rather glad to be in the hands of professional now especially as Mrs Duckie promised to send frocks as soon as possible. Should really find out her name as do not think it really is Mrs Duckie.

February 11th:

New gowns have just arrived. Feel like a new person already. Mrs Duckie's handiwork much more agreeable than Mrs T's and new pale blue gown fits me like a glove. Gave abigail strict orders to immediately lock trunk again & never let the key out of her sight. Was tempted to leave black monstrosity outside for thieves to take away but thought it best to keep it for emergencies such as H's funeral & also did not think it right to support crimes even if they are committed in my own house.

Really must have a word with L as do not think situation at all acceptable in the long run.

Part Five - In Which Caroline Remains In Town & Discovers A New World

Posted on 2013-01-01

February 12th:

Feeling of complete rebirth continues. Was woken rather suddenly though this morning by Louisa shouting in the corridors. First thought she was murdering Hurst at last but unfortunately, when came downstairs, the man was very much alive. Was very surprised to see him at breakfast. Had I known before, would have asked cook to spike his muffins with belladonna. On the other hand H did not even appreciate goodness that muffins are & only munched on dry toast. Did not look too healthy now I think of it & maybe has nasty disease? Only hope I did not catch it as have quite a lot of plans for rest of month. (NB: Must have abigail return book on tea to lending library. Very fascinating topic. Also did not know there was connection to emancipation of American colonies. Must have abigail bring further books about history of Massachusetts Bay Company.)

Tried to ask L about unusual behaviour later on but L had locked herself into her room & did not want to come out. Felt not inclined to spend all day indoors so went to see Georgiana instead.

February 14th:

Was kept awake for most of the night by mysterious noise coming from attic. Could swear I heard raucous, drunken singing at one point but when I asked L about it at breakfast she said I was mistaken & wondered if I was losing my mind.

Decided to go out again as L behaving very abnormally & positively unfriendly towards me. Abigail adjusted my hair to fit under hat (NB: must ask Mrs Duckie to recommend new milliner not associated with Mrs Taylor) and told me she had heard nightly noise too so am most definitely not going mad.

Was too early to make visits yet so instead asked abigail to accompany me to lending library. Most fascinating place. Could have taken all books at once but did not want to make abigail carry all. Settled on book about history of the colonies & novel promising to be full of pirate kidnappers. Never thought reading could be that much fun.

Upon leaving library, was greeted by most heavenly smell. Discovered cosy little bakery nearby & spontaneously treated abigail & self to apple pie. Had much fun abusing H together. Decided to spend afternoon at Charles' house. C not home as usual but housekeeper had just made muffins. Sat in the study all afternoon reading about Raleigh.

February 15th:

L can say what she wants, but am definitely not losing my mind & definitely heard something in the attic again. Wonder if I should move in with C. L positively rude today & abigail & I left house early again. Decided to visit Westminster Abbey as neither of us had ever seen it before. Very intriguing place. Sir Isaac's tomb rather impressive. (NB: must find out why exactly he is famous.)

Ran into G & her Peculiar Guardian in the Abbey. G told me they had just left her brother at the Houses of Parliament where he wanted to observe the debate. Told G would love to observe debate but impossible now they have closed ladies' gallery. The PG impolitely listened in & said he could arrange for me to go. Do not believe him.

Arranged with G to meet at St Paul's Cathedral tomorrow.

February 16th:

Realise only now, was not even disappointed yesterday that had missed Mr D. Very weird. Maybe am losing mind after all as L suggested again this morning. Know though what I have heard & there definitely was someone singing in the attic & also heard people running up & down the stairs. Have decided to ask abigail to spend nights in my room as do not wish to be alone & also think she might prefer being further away from source of mysterious noise.

Coming back to former subject however am much concerned about state of own mind. Atmosphere in WA definitely proposal-friendly what with it being church & all but did not even once envision self signing parish registry as C--- D---.

Must rush now as am meeting G at St Paul's in half an hour.

February 17th:

During the night, abigail & I were almost convinced singing voice was Louisa but now am sure I was mistaken. There is no reason L would go to the attic to sing & at such an ungodly hour. Also abigail explained meaning of certain phrases that were sung & am quite sure L would never sing that.

Spent most interesting morning at St Paul's with G & unfortunately also her PG yesterday. Was reconciled to the Peculiar Guardian's presence however when he explained all about fire of 1666. The PG then treated us to scones & tea at a nearby bakery. Really best scones have ever eaten, had sort of milk & sugar glazing.

Went to the library afterwards & got biography of Sir Christopher Wren.

February 18th:

Am not sure can stay at house of lui-sans-nom much longer. There definitely is something going on & L cannot convince me I am going mad.

Went over to Charles' house early in the morning in the hope of not being found there by anybody. Wanted to finish book about Wren & pirate novel. Housekeeper very friendly & made scones just for me. Had very good morning.

Just as the innocent Athalia was discovered gagged & shackled to a bedpost in Lord Burkham's secret hunting lodge, however, someone knocked on the door and the annoying PG was announced. Told me he knew he would find me here & gave me a parcel he had brought. Opened it & found assortment of vile-looking men's clothes. Asked him to explain the joke & he said they were for me in order to allow me to visit Parliament incognito.

Asked the PG how he thought the vile things would fit me. He said they were his & as we are same height, should fit me as well. Asked the PG if he really thought would wear such unflattering garb. He said he had seen me in the black monstrosity so his breeches definite improvement. Could not fault his logic there so decided to cut discussion short & went upstairs & changed into vile things. Think striped waistcoat flatters my face.

Cannot continue now, promised the PG would only need quarter of an hour.

February 19th:

Had most amazing day yesterday even though can scarcely believe it myself. Cannot believe PG really took me to the Houses of Parliament. Really nice of him. First we had tea at Mrs Miggins' teashop, or so it was called I think. Had really good cupcakes & scones & jam. Then went to the gallery and saw debate about taxes. Could hardly breathe with excitement & because of several layers of bandages around chest. Debate most heated. Lasted several hours & not boring once. Do not know why PG did not think it exciting but then he can go every day. Still think though he should not have fallen asleep when the PM addressed the house as argument was rather fascinating. When we left, was already night. Asked the PG to take me to a public house afterwards but he said Charles would not let him live if he heard about it. Did not want to return to Hurst House as strange things happen there after dark so PG brought me to Charles' place. Charles still out though so had housekeeper bring me cold supper then went to bed.

Col & Mrs F---

C--- F---

February 21st:

Is so much nicer at Charles' house. Had box of clothes & box & abigail sent over yesterday & am settling in nicely. Housekeeper very friendly & abigail in tears with joy at leaving Hurst House. Think should call on G soon & maybe propose another expedition only do not know any more famous churches. Perhaps interesting exhibition somewhere. Realise have not called on Fanny in long time, probably should do so.

February 22nd:

Really meant to go out & call on F today but it looked like it was going to rain & did not want to ruin pretty new gown (NB: must visit Mrs Duckie soon & order more.) Stayed indoors instead & read book about churches in London & their history. Did not know there were so many of them.

Wonder if C has ever even set foot in his library since he inherited house from Uncle Algy. Suppose he has not. Library really excellent collection, do not know why C always says he has no books.

Have still not seen C even though have been here for almost a week now. Wonder where he is. Housekeeper tells me he sometimes does not come home at nights but there must be more to it. Wonder if I should ask the PG if he knows.

February 24th:

Rain continues, most depressing. Have stayed indoors and read. Did not realise English did not always sound like English but now am reading three-hundred-year-old book about Arthurian legend & sounds very different from real English.

Am almost sure heard Charles returning late last night; certainly no one else would sing 'Mrs Bunny's Lament' on top of his voice especially seeing as Charles & I made that up. When I got up this morning however he was already gone & nobody wanted to talk about him. Housekeeper pressed curl of hair of unknown origin into my hand; wonder where I put box with hair.

Really think Louisa could have called on me by now seeing as she has not seen me for a week but she does not seem to care & no one else has called either. Had note from G though saying her brother forbade her to go out alone & her PG unable to come with her. Very weird business all of it.

February 25th:

For some reason cannot get Mrs Bunny's Lament out of my head. Visited G today as rain had ceased. Had very good time, talked about future expeditions & had lovely raspberry jam & scones. Unfortunately the PG was there too & most embarrassing business as the PG caught self singing about poor bunny for whom days will never be sunny so had to explain to him about Mrs Bunny's Lament & Charles singing it. The PG only made some weird grimaces when I told him about Charles & said he had thought it was something like this.

Am not quite sure he believes me. Probably thinks am total moron.

Went to F afterwards determined to renew friendship but F very much out of spirits & rather unfriendly altogether. Did not stay long as felt unwelcome. Probably hummed Mrs Bunny's Lament to self as well.

Charles gone when returned home, as usual, so had fire stoked in library and retired with Morte Darthur & book explaining about changes in English language.

February 26th:

Abigail & I went to Hurst House this morning to retrieve more of my things. Tried to talk to Louisa but she had butler tell me she was not there even though am sure saw her peeking out from behind curtains. Do not know what is the matter with her.

Went back to Charles' - who was still asleep, or so housekeeper tells me - and sorted through trunks. Several items inexplicably missing, especially those of rather delicate nature.

Decided to go out & take G shopping. Unfortunately the PG decided to come with us. I bought new stack of delicates & fabric for two new dresses from merchant Emma recommended. Am amazed at quality of delicates at such reasonable price. The PG asked what I bought but did not show him even though we have shared breeches before; would not be same thing. G bought green fabric for dress & several ribbons. We arranged for appointment at Mrs Duckie's in two days then had shopping sent home & went book-shopping with the PG. Still felt needed to compensate for theft of unspeakables & Louisa's silence & am afraid bought too many books but the PG recommended so many & also had to find out what happened to the lovely Athalia in the next volume & library did not have it yet. Simply must know what it is that the butler saw in Graf Haubenstein's trunk that scared him so.

Asked G and the PG for informal dinner to Charles' house afterwards & spent pleasant evening conversing about Arthur Pendragon until Charles suddenly came home. Looked very different from when had last seen him. Do not think beard suits him. Charles entered dining room & started reciting 'Of the Unfortunate Demise of Mr Bunny.' Thought I should die but G & the PG kindly acted as if nothing had happened even after Charles had passed out.

February 27th:

Wonder if He Without The First Name stole my unmentionables. Surely he would not but do not think there is other explanation. Wonder if & how should mention the matter to the PG.

February 28th:

Surely cannot mention matter to the PG. To begin with, would not even know how to describe missing items in polite society.

Will go to L tomorrow & try to find out where they went. Maybe just mistake after all. Also need book from the library that I remember was there; is about the proposed origins of European languages. Do not see why I should not have every right to get it; is my father's house & my father's library after all & Hurst having renamed it does not change a thing about that.

Also must find out if third volume of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia is already available. Simply must find out who Lord Paddenstool's twin brother is & also what is importance of locket Athalia's guardian gave her before his death? Cannot believe the Merciless Pirate actually was Athalia's sister; was convinced Theodora had perished in the fire. Realise now though that that makes Sir Ganymede's marriage to Pulchinella invalid & that must mean Athalia will inherit North Cotherston Hall.

March 1st:

Very stilted conversation with L who denied any knowledge of whereabouts of stolen unmentionables & also did not want to talk about books that were missing. Looked very strange too. If I did not know better, would say she had paint on her face. Meant to talk to L about whether I should come back to Hurst House or stay at Charles' but L said she could not say & maybe they would go to Somerset soon to visit friend she mentioned before Christmas. Had all but forgot about Somerset trip; not sure if I am still invited. Did not want to quarrel with L so said not much and instead went to G afterwards & told her most of recent disagreements with L apart from the more unsettling bits & the unspeakables.

Darcy then came home & G told him about the books I was looking for & Darcy looked very astonished & then disappeared & reappeared with several books about language theories & The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia Vol. III.

Had almost left Darcy House again when Darcy stopped me in the corridor & asked me not to let G have book & not to trust Cpt. Van Swanck even if he pretended to be Athalia's father.

Evil spoilsport.

Part Six - In Which Caroline Prepares To Leave Town & Has An Adventure

Posted on 2013-01-08

March 2nd:

At Darcy House again to thank D for books & tell him off for telling me about Van Swanck. D thinks the abbess is the one behind the kidnapping but am sure he is wrong; must be the butler surely for he was the only one who knew Athalia was sleeping in the tower. Cannot wait for fourth volume to come out.

D says he does not believe in common European/Indian-language theory but then the PG came & supported my arguments & am sure we beat D. Had tea with D & G & the PG & was surprisingly much fun even when G asked me to recite Unfortunate Demise of Mr Bunny again. Cupcakes really exquisite & also housekeeper had tried out new recipe with spices & raisins. PG kept chuckling to himself when heavenly cupcakes were served but just ignored him. Have no idea what is wrong with the man. Arranged with G to see exhibition day after tomorrow but not sure which of her guardians will come with us.

March 3rd:

French really makes so much more sense now that I know about similarities with English language. Think made good progress with French lessons over last few days.

Spent half the morning learning French then started second book D had given me.

Had half hoped L might come over to talk but nobody came all day. Charles still absent although was apparently home some time during the morning but when asked taciturn housekeeper about it, got only new curl of hair of unknown origin. Really cannot locate hair box.

March 4th:

Went for first fitting with Mrs Duckie today before met up with G at exhibition. Mrs Duckie convinced that Lord Paddenstool & the butler are the same person but do not think that can be because Athalia conversed with Lord Paddenstool at the ball where Lord Burkham was killed in the duel.

D came with us because the PG doing something or other for his general (completely forgot about that) and had to wonder if the PG would have explained more things but then D was quite knowledgeable about all the statues and Roman legends. Also said that he did not believe Mrs Duckie's theory at all precisely because of what I said about the ball.

March 6th:

Stayed in today. Meant to read but then the PG visited, alone, strangely enough. Told him was convinced Athalia's father must be still alive but PG thinks first chapter tells us differently. We could not agree what Athalia's exact relation to Sir Vincent was so we drew up a diagram. Had to chuckle at the PG's poor drawing skills. Really fun half-hour but felt strangely restless afterwards.

March 7th:

Did not feel v. festive in spite of it being my birthday probably because C still behaving oddly & L seemed to have forgotten completely. Had long letter from uncle Tiberius saying that he felt it was his duty as my guardian to give me a bit of advice on my 19th birthday & then followed the usual long sermon on female obedience & politics & a guinea under the seal. Auntie Margaret sent a letter asking how my husband was faring & if she might receive cheerful news, as she put it, any time soon. Think she must have confused me with L again.

Invited G & her companion to take tea with me & she gave me a pair of v. nice gloves, much better present than letters. Abigail gave me nice little shawl to go with new frocks. Really thoughtful of her.

March 8th:

Had note from L today asking to see me the day after tomorrow. Cannot imagine what she wants especially seeing as she forgot my birthday but she wrote as cordially as she used to so will agree to see her. Went to visit G afterwards but she was out visiting relatives with her companion. Darcy was in though and we spent good time eating cupcakes and dissecting Sir Vincent's intentions. He has it all wrong.

March 11th:

Saw L yesterday. L very cheerful, apologised for recent bad behaviour & forgetting my birthday. Gave me very pretty hat (colour slightly garish but will do well enough with white frock) & explained she had stressful time in marriage. Told her I would support her should it come to a separation but she claims all good now. L invited me to come with them to Somerset in two weeks. She insisted most ardently & I could not refuse; hope everything will be as it used to be. Realised should probably go shopping for trip; host, after all, a baronet and would not wish to look dowdy. Somehow though ended up in bookshop.

Pre-ordered next volume of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia & ran into the PG in the bookshop. Thought he was rather absent-minded; asked if I had heard from L lately. Told him about trip to Somerset & asked him what did he think of what D said about Sir Vincent but then he remembered urgent business & set off. Bookdealer thinks Sir Vincent really is Athalia's father. Bookdealer's assistant thinks Count Haubenstein & his silent companion probably agents for some Italian prince or other. Wonder if they are right.

March 12th:

Met G today & we arranged to go shopping for trip for Somerset tomorrow. PG to accompany us as G still not allowed to go out alone. Asked G what her guardians are so afraid about but she does not know & apparently is not even curious. Is no wonder probably that they are cautious in a city in which some people's most delicate items are mercilessly stolen from their own homes.

March 14th:

G & PG came to pick me up for shopping yesterday. Think I bought too much but host is a baronet after all and also, Louisa's weasel-faced husband will be with us so one really cannot have too many garments of delicate nature. Thankfully PG waited outside.

PG reckons he saw an early copy of Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia IV & he claims that very first chapter contains Athalia's marriage to her lost love, who he says no one else but the Merciless Pirate. Said that could not be; Merciless Pirate is Athalia's lost twin Theodora. PG thinks the passage revealing the MP's true identity intentionally misleading & Theodora died in the avalanche after all. Do so wish book would come out soon.

March 17th:

Think I should buy sturdy locks for my boxes before leaving; just in case Weaselface tries to break into them. Wonder where one buys them? Must ask the PG when he comes to visit next.

March 19th:

Had a note from G today saying she had caught cold & had been lying down the last few days. Poor girl, had a basket with cupcakes sent over directly. Wonder though why the PG did not come and let me know, also, must ask him about locks as am leaving in less than a week.

March 20th:

Went to visit poor G, still not quite recovered from her cold and feeling not at all well. Tried to cheer her up talking about various things but only partially successful. G had no idea where the PG was either; said she had only seen him once since she had fallen ill & only for very short while then; thinks he must be doing some sort of military business. Had all but forgot about that but suppose she is right. Only do wish he would call as need to ask him about locks and where to acquire them.

Darcy walked me home afterwards but did not want to ask him; feared he would think me silly. D does not think the PG really saw an early copy of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia IV and agrees about Merciless Pirate being Theodora. Wonder though if maybe it is too obvious.

Promised to call on G again tomorrow & maybe will see the PG then. Have not seen Charles all week; wonder if I should worry?

March 21st:

Missing items have turned up!! Not all of them though but at at least my favourites. Was calling on Louisa today to confirm details for trip to Somerset & when I left housekeeper pressed parcel into my hand in the hallway & when I opened it at home found it to contain 2 unmentionables. Am sure now H had them all the time. Must try to talk to housekeeper soon.

Called on G then and helped her sort threads for her embroidery. Did not see the PG but at least G feeling better now.

Her Grace Caroline Fi Caroline Bingley, Duchess of London

March 22nd:

Saw the PG yesterday when visiting G and when he walked me home, told him about locks I wanted to buy. He said nothing but called again after tea and brought 2 sturdy locks and fixed them on my trunk. Was a bit embarrassed about letting him see my room but there was nothing private lying around & he did not stay long.

Really grateful for locks and spent most of today packing. Hope I will see Charles before I leave; want to say goodbye.

Thought about taking leave of Jane too but then thought it would be awkward as have not seen her for so long; really should have called sooner.

NB. Also should not neglect correspondence esp. now that am too be out of town.

Must write to:

Auntie Margaret & Mr Watson
Uncle Tiberius (bah)
Jane
Fanny Dashwood?
Georgiana
Charles
the PG

March 23rd, early morning:

What a night!! Louisa & H coming to pick me up in 2 hours but am not able to go to sleep anymore. Do not know where to begin - last night just as had finished packing & sent abigail away to iron gown for travelling, heard C finally coming home & telling his man to help him change quickly as he needed to leave again. In the heat of the moment decided to follow him to find out what he was up to so changed into the clothes the PG had given me (NB. should probably return them) and went after him. Regretted stupid idea almost as soon as I left house but could not give up then - only hope nobody saw me - so in much too tight waistcoat followed C into very dingy looking neighbourhood where he disappeared into some sort of public house.

Inside were dozens of shabbily dressed men with beards just like C; one of them was reading Byron in a booming voice & they all drank something which I later found out was absinthe, I think it is called. Did not want to be noticed so slipped into a seat in a corner & almost immediately was given a glass of absinthe (NB. Never accept offer of absinthe again, very vile!!) Then C stood up & began reciting long & very bad poem about a lonely swan that tries to kill itself & they all applauded wildly & congratulated him & gave him more absinthe.

Then the PG found me & things became a bit uncomfortable esp. because as he tried to drag me out of the place, some soldiers arrived to raid it. (Come to think of it, never asked him why he was there in the first place.)

Did not even have time to tell the PG he had no right to tell me where to go & where not because we had to run so fast through very shabby alleyways that all looked the same. Soldiers were still on our heels and already arresting 2 of the bearded gentlemen who had run with us & suddenly door opened and the PG pulled me into a house. Did not immediately realise what it was but the lady calling herself Madame Suzette very friendly & offered us tea and scones. Stayed there for over an hour until the air was clear and was awfully lectured by the PG as if it was my fault that C kept visiting a poems' den that was raided. Tried to ask the PG why exactly it was raided but he only blushed & would not say so Madame Suzette told me. Did not believe her at first but the PG blushed even more so realised she had to be right. Could assure them thought that none of that had been going on in the poets' den at least while I was there. Suppose it would have made the meeting less tedious if there had.

Do not think Am quite sure that Do wonder why

Can say have learnt some quite new so-called facts of life last night.

The PG walked me home shortly before dawn scolding me until I told him to tell me what right he had to interfere with my life.

Did not expect that answer either. Maybe should not have reciprocated but it did seem like a good idea at the time & the alleyway was very dark so nobody saw.

Luckily when I got home, C already fast asleep so soldiers did not catch him either.

Can only hope uncle Tiberius never finds out or he will send me to a French convent.

Part Seven - In Which Caroline Goes To Somerset & Misses Town

Posted on 2013-01-15

March 26th:

In Somerset.

I do wonder whether I should send a note to Mme Suzette thanking her for her hospitality but do not have her address. Maybe should write to the PG and ask him for it.

Am settling in here very well; Sir Walter and Miss Elliot very charming and the younger Miss E friendly but taciturn. L also quite her usual self on the journey here; was like the old days even though kept getting distracted from lack of sleep during our conversation. Also did not have the heart to tell her was not really thinking about marrying D any more; she was so busy making plans for my trousseau.

March 29th:

Either am slowly losing my mind, or I have had conversation about Gowland's Lotions before. Felt a strong sense of - not déjà vu, rather, déjà écouté, I suppose (really making progress with the French lessons) - when conversing with Sir W today. L and smug Miss E mostly talking about people I do not know, esp. a certain Mr E & H his usual disgusting self. Talked to Miss Anne today - shocked to find she had never even heard of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia. Luckily had all the volumes with me as wanted to read passages dealing with the Merciless Pirate once again. (Was really good investment to buy it even though had already read library copy.)

Also began to wonder if maybe loss of delicates in H's presence connected to what Mme Suzette told me about certain turns in male behaviour. The PG might know but could not ask him that.

April 2nd:

For no reason at all suddenly remembered that G had told me April 1st was her cousin's birthday. Wondered whether he spent it with Mme Suzette who appeared to be such a particular friend of his but then recalled that he had told me he was going to Kent with D. Probably not the best of birthdays if he was spending it with the old Bat - though perhaps he likes her, I would not know. Is not as if I were interested in his family life either.

Do wonder though how he knows Mme Suzette. Seemed to be woman of very gentle upbringing although well versed in the ways of the world, as they called it.

April 3rd:

Mme Suzette probably much better at speaking French than self, her being French and all. Wonder if the PG speaks French.

Conversation with Sir W and smug Miss E very repetitive but Miss A very agreeable, although she said she found The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia a trifle far-fetched and rather fanciful. Then however asked me for second volume with which I happily obliged her & she was not seen for the rest of the day.

Had choice between boring conversation & vocabulary list so practised French until I recalled shall never be as good as native speaker so why bother at all. But then took walk and got rid of silly ideas. Wonder if Miss A has already finished book & if I can disturb her so late. Miss talking with G about all those little matters like we always do. Probably should write her letter.

April 5th:

Housekeeper here makes the most delicious pies. Do not know where she gets all the necessary items for them but then do not really care. Am especially fond of apple pie with sort of nuts mixed with the apples.

Was talking to A today about my friends in town and mentioned dear G & the PG & she asked me what PG stood for. Could not remember. Must be some sort of nickname I suppose - but what does it mean? Do not recall anyone else using it so probably coined it myself but why?

A said perhaps it was his initials but do not think it was.

Pesky Gentleman?
Pert Gentleman?
Pretty Good - but at what?
Patronising German (no accent)

April 6th:

Come to think of it, what is his real first name?

Must stop obsessing about the following:

1. First names of various random males of my acquaintance. (e.g. H, the PG) (though probably people who kiss one in an alleyway cannot possibly be considered random anymore.)
2. Whether the poor Athalia will survive and be reunited with her true love. (A says she will as that sort of fiction always kind to heroines in the end)
3. Qualities foreign proprietors of locales of dubious reputation are likely to have and whether true gentlemen appreciate said qualities.
4. possibility of alleyway incident being repeated.
5. what exactly makes a lady thoroughly compromised

Shall take a walk now and enjoy beautiful weather.

April 8th:

My eyes! My eyes! Cannot. The mind. Refuses to comprehend. Cannot put it in words.

April 9th:

Still cannot quite process what I saw yesterday. Thought the one time I surprised Louisa and her red-faced husband was bad but this is just a completely different level. What was Louisa thinking? And what was she wearing?

April 10th:

He is a baronet though. Maybe things are done differently in those circles.

Tried to talk to A today about what we saw but we realised early on it would be better if we never mention it again. Still cannot look Louisa in the eyes.

Instead we discussed the third volume of The Woes Of The Chaste Orphan Athalia, which A just finished. A thinks Athalia's father probably the instigator of the secret meeting in the cave but do not know if she can be right because clearly the note was in the hand of the abbess.

Made hints to abigail but thankfully none of the servants seem to be aware of Louisa's incident. Hope it remains that way.

April 11th:

A really is the only one who makes this place tolerable at all. I so miss London. Had a long letter from G today; she is not doing much it seems with her brother and the PG off to Kent but she told me about plans she has for new frock & related news of exhibitions we can visit when I am back in London. Tried to convince A to come to London with me but she says the city is not for her & anyway I cannot really leave without L. Though I do wonder why L brought me in the first place esp. seeing as how she hardly speaks to me at all & instead does things I do not want to think about.

Smug Miss E made remarks about women who do not care about appearances & let themselves go & gave me pointed look. Do not know why I should bother about appearances if it is only her & her father who would notice. Looked back pointedly & helped self to another slice of pie.

April 12th:

I do not know how Anne can tolerate being in this place, with these people, all the time. She says it is her home & her sister is living not far away & her aunt just across the park but still cannot fathom it. Asked her if she never wished to live elsewhere & she said she had at one time but then nothing had come out of it. Wondered what she was talking of but since she is v. private person did not feel like asking. She said she had lived in Bath for a time & hated it & cannot fault her there.

Wonder what Kent is like, as a place to live, I mean. Wonder if the PG plans to settle there for a longer time. Surely the Bat would like to have him around having only that boring daughter. Probably wants the PG to marry the daughter; is not as if she can find anyone else to take her off her hands.

Suppose if the PG settled in Kent G and I would not really see him in London any more. Would not miss all his irritating comments but then who would take me to see Parliament and fix locks on my trunks?

April 13th:

Come to think of it, I think G mentioned once that the Bat wants D to marry the daughter. That is probably why they are in Kent right now. D probably has proposed already.

Really thought I would be crushed at such a thought but feel only slightly sorry for D and think could have made him better wife than her. Must have gone completely emotionless. Or maybe it is old age settling in.

Had word with abigail about Louisa's incident. Told her what exactly I observed then gave her a guinea & made her swear on the Bible never to mention it to anyone else. Abigail then explained some of the minor details that had been wondering about. Conversation most illuminating but am still blushing.

April 15th:

Had long letter from G again but no mention of either of her guardians being engaged to sickly cousin. Surely she would be first to know. Wrote back immediately but did not know how to broach subject of possible engagements so did not mention it.

Rather worried though that did not receive letter from Charles even though wrote to him when I arrived here. Wonder if I could ask G to keep an eye on him? Would not be proper though & she probably would be shocked if she saw him as he looks now, with the beard down to who knows where.

Asked butler if he was quite sure no letter had come for me & he went & returned with curl of hair that seems to be Sir Walter's.

What am I supposed to do with that?

April 16th:

Also should probably write to Jane. Think I have neglected writing that letter for too long. Wonder though where she is; would not want to send letter to wrong address and for her to pay too much postage.

Smug Miss E made remarks about how eating without restraint is vulgar. Clearly the woman has never tried her housekeeper's buttered scones.

Could not sleep last night & instead read passage again where Athalia finds her mother's necklace & could not help but think that colour of the stones significant. A agrees that them being sapphires possible clue but says she cannot fathom for what.

April 17th:

Really meant to write to Jane yesterday but then sun came out and A asked me to take a walk with her. Got talking about Charles & I told her how I was worried about him & mysterious behavior esp. the poets' club (did not mention incident in the alleyway when walking home from Mme Suzette's établissement though). A agreed it was not normal & probably not healthy and asked me was Charles normally a reader of poetry? I said not & A suggested Charles perhaps pining for a woman.

L still behaving very uncharacteristically. Tried to address issue of her behaviour with Sir W the other day but L not inclined to talk & did not know how best to describe certain things I saw.

Wonder why I have to worry so much about both my siblings when I am the youngest although am also it appears the sanest, unfortunately.

A thinks Count Haubenstein may know more about Athalia's parentage. Says there was such a long description of how the Count observed Athalia it must signify something.

April 18th:

The Nameless One now is taking Gowland's lotion per the advice of Sir W and has broken out in terrible rash. Could not stomach looking at him esp. because housekeeper serves really delightful muffins for breakfast & did not want to spoil appetite.

Talked with abigail & she promised me still no talk of Louisa's incident among the servants. At least one thing that is not going wrong. Really do not know why I have to look after them all.

Still no letter from Charles. Really getting worried. Wonder if D is already back in town & could perhaps look after him? Maybe should write to G and ask.

April 19th:

Oh I really hope it is not G Charles is pining for. That would make everything really uncomfortable. She is like a sister to me & I know I really hoped for it at one time but she is so very young still & I do not think he would want to wait for years.

I am sure the PG would not like it one bit either.

April 20th:

On second thoughts, did Charles even see G lately? I think the last time they met was at Christmas.

No, was time when G & the PG came for dinner & C turned up late & inebriated (sounds better than drunk) & recited poem to us. Cannot recall if he paid any special attention to G at the time.

Surely the PG would never allow G to marry him after this display & also do not think G interested at all.

Wonder what the PG would think about smug Miss E. Hope he does not agree with her comments that cupcakes are a vulgar, upstart food for vulgar upstarts. Do not think he does though because he ate them as well. Wonder if smug Miss E ever takes pleasure in anything apart from Gowland's & the stupid baronetage.

April 21st:

Surely it cannot still be Jane. He last saw her in November & I never even told him she was in town & asked after him. D & I were agreed it was better this way.

April 22nd:

It probably is Jane & that means I destroyed all his hopes. Feel abysmal now. Not sure if Jane would have accepted him but maybe it would have been kinder to let him try & be rejected finally than to hope forever when I know it could never be.

Mentioned the matter to A without naming names & she said maybe it was kinder to let him keep some hope & final rejection might have made matter worse but also asked me why did hypothetical friend in question meddle in C's life in the first place & why was it necessary to keep him from her? A then said some very pointed things about people who interfere in other people's lives & really did not dare tell her I was the hypothetical friend in question. Wonder if she saw through it.

Feel horrible.

April 23rd:

Still feel horrible but cannot dwell on it much because L asked me could I spare ten guineas. Asked her what she needed it for & she claimed needed to send for medicines for H's indigestion but if it is that why does she not simply tell apothecary to send bill? Also asked why she had no money with her & she said she had forgotten money bag in London.

L has no money bag but neat purse and I know that because I gave it to her.

Only hope she is not being blackmailed because of what happened with Sir W. I wonder if H knows.

April 24th:

Maybe should write to Jane & let her know I made a mistake? Only do not know whether she really was interested in C at all. D says she was not but then D also never realised I wanted to marry him. (Thankfully.)

Cannot believe used the past tense just now. When did sentiments change so drastically?

Felt so bad could hardly appreciate muffins this morning but that could also have been H's rash.

April 25th:

Really feel should go back to town just so can see C again and find out how he is doing & maybe talk about whole matter with D. Also do not know how many more guineas I can lend L because I did not bring much & need to keep some coins to tip servants.

Discrete enquiries discovered L did not try to borrow anything from the servants which is a relief at least.

Wonder if H is still conducting whatever illegal business it is he is conducting & if he made L ask me for money.

Posted on 2013-01-22

April 27th:

Had barely time to say goodbyes to A yesterday morning before I was whisked into carriage and driven back to London.

No idea at all what was going on & abigail could not say either. Very strange. Promised A to write & to send copy of the next volume of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia as soon as it was out since booksellers in Somerset always v. slow, A says.

Do hope L did not get in any more trouble or Sir W caught H at whatever dark dealings it is he has.

On second thoughts not sure if Sir W would disapprove of dark dealings. He & smug Miss E probably have dark dealings themselves.

Cannot say will miss either Sir W or smug Miss E but feel sorry for A all alone in the country with them.

April 29th:

Saw G again today & had so much to tell her. Obv. could not tell her about alleyway incident or L's incident or the whole dilemma with C but spent a good deal of the morning abusing smug Miss E and Sir W. Asked G to help me find music to send A. Did not see D which is probably all for the better since did not know how best to mention whole matter of possible mistake we made. Did not see the PG either but after discrete enquiries with G found out neither D nor the PG in any way engaged to marry the Bat's sickly daughter.

Most refreshing to be back in C's house with no fear of running into L doing questionable things. Really wonder what is going on with her & what happened to the dress she borrowed from me. Also have not yet got any money back from her even though she promised.

May 2nd:

Saw C briefly last night & have to say he is not looking too well. Beard is reaching grotesque proportions now & his clothes completely ink-stained & reeking of absinthe (foul beverage!). But at least housekeeper assures me he is eating enough which must count for something.

G & D called on me today. Spent some time chatting about visits to Kent & Somerset respectively. D looking somewhat under the weather though cannot say why precisely. Probably the Bat got to him. D then sent G away on some mission to ask housekeeper for some recipe (though do not know why since I could just as easily have rung for housekeeper) & asked me had I heard from Miss Bennet lately. Was confused briefly then realised he was talking about Jane. Told him had not spoken to Jane since visited her some time after Christmas & why was he asking. He said just wondering since Jane must be back in Hertfordshire now but he looked somehow uneasy. Wondered if he too had been thinking about C & said I thought we had made mistake in keeping them apart. D sighed heavily and said we had indeed. Asked him how he knew but he would not say & then G came back & I could not ask him further.

Wonder why the PG did not join them but maybe he is back with his regiment or just was not interested in seeing me.

May 3rd:

Seems most callous though not to call on a lady after an incident such as the one in the alleyway. Unless he was too embarrassed to call.

May 5th:

Why would he be embarrassed though? Is not as if anyone saw us and even if they did, nobody would know it was me, seeing as I was wearing the PG's clothes.

Come to think of it, had anyone seen us we would have been arrested on account of whole clothing confusion, so pretty sure nobody saw us.

He probably is just very busy.

May 7th:

Saw D today when he called on C. Was with C for such a long time I was getting worried but then D came back downstairs & told me all was well with C. D then asked had I heard anything about new volume of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia because he was in dire need of a distraction. Unfortunately bookseller told me only yesterday there was little hope of it coming out this month. Such a shame because I could do with a distraction as well. Meant to ask D about the PG but then C came down too and actually had shaved & cut his hair.

Such a relief.

May 8th:

C's valet proudly presented me with one of the curls they chopped off C's head yesterday.

Do people think I am collecting them?

May 10th:

Woke up v. early & could not sleep anymore. Was far too early to call on anyone so decided to visit the library with abigail. Librarian most apologetic but did not know anything about new volume of The Woes of the Chaste Orphan Athalia either. Librarian says Sir Vincent most obviously married to the Abbess & that was why Athalia found the ring in the dungeons. Suggested I begin The Mysteries of Udolpho but somehow was not in the mood to begin another horror novel. Ended up with an enormous volume of Biographies of England's Greatest Sons because have still not found out why Sir Isaac Newton is famous. Librarian assured me was very inspiring reading.

May 11th:

First chapter in the book deals with Anglo-Saxon kings. Am not sure I shall ever be able to tell them all apart seeing as their names are all so very similar. Have to wonder that the book only deals with the sons of England. Surely England must also have great daughters?

Went to go shopping with G. Did not really want to spend so much money on fabric esp. since L has still not paid me back but abigail pointed out that do not really have anything to wear in warmer weather. Asked abigail what had happened to last year's frocks. Abigail blushed a lot & told me they would probably not fit me anymore. Poor thing v. embarrassed; probably shrank them in the laundry. Did not say anything then because I recalled last season's frocks had been mostly orange & would not want to wear them anymore anyway. Come to think of it, have never asked G if her brother's favourite colour actually is orange or if she was just making fun of me. Considering what I now know of D's preferences, probably the latter.

Cannot believe how blind I was.

May 12th:

Asked bookseller if there was a book about England's greatest daughters & he said he had never heard of such a thing. Promised he would inform me should he come across one but also said that apart from Queen Elizabeth there could not be very many women deserving that epithet.

Think he must be wrong but could not think of any good examples just then.

May 13th:

Surely there must have been some great women in English history. Wish I could ask the PG seeing as he always knows these things but I have no idea where he is.

Called on G today to discuss ideas for new frocks & told her about bookseller's argument. D was in the same room reading some journal or other & when G asked him who was the greatest woman in English history he said without a doubt Elizabeth but am not sure whether he even fully listened. G suggested Queen Anne which would make at least two women which would be a start.

G has no idea where the PG is or at least would not say so. When her brother left the room she told me in confidence he & the PG had been quarrelling.

Wonder about what? Hope it was not about who gets to marry the Bat's daughter.

May 15th:

Second chapter in the book deals with William the Conqueror who I think should not really count, being more or less French. Seems unfair to have him in the book but no women.

Book mentioned Tower of London as being built by William so on a whim decided to drive there with abigail & have a look at it. Suppose it must have been quite impressive when there was nothing else around it & esp. when coming from the river. Driver told us legend connects ravens in the tower with British Kingdom but am not sure if he was maybe trying to fool us.

On the drive back for a moment thought I was seeing Jane & her plain sister walking down the road but before I had decided whether it was them & whether I should greet them they had already disappeared.

Wonder if Jane has been in London all this time. Probably should have written to her or called on her but would not know what to say now that I do not know whether D & I destroyed her future.

Saw interesting article in the newspaper today about proposed changes to tax legislation & wondered if I could risk going to the Commons again to listen to the debate but did not dare do so without the PG.

May 16th:

There must be more great women in English history than just Queen Anne and Queen Elizabeth. Must find out more. Surely there must be at least ten.