Section I, Next Section
Elizabeth had been a good deal disappointed in not finding a letter from Jane, on their first arrival at Lambton, and this disappointment had been renewed on each of the mornings that now had been spent here, but on the third, her repining was over, and her sister justified by the receipt of two letters from her at once, on one of which was marked that it had been missent elsewhere. Elizabeth was not surprised at all, Jane had written the direction remarkably ill.
They had just been preparing to walk as the letters came in, and her aunt and uncle, leaving her to enjoy them in quiet, set off by themselves. The one missent must be first attended to; it had been written five days ago. It contained an account of all their little parties and engagements, with such news as the country afforded.
Elizabeth, after having listened carefully to make sure no one was to enter the inn at that moment, made herself comfortable in a chair. Having finished the first letter, which was of a gay and happy tone, she speedily opened the second. Jane wrote as follows:
"My dearest Lizzy,Though I wrote to you only yesterday, I want you to be acquainted with the latest news from Longbourn. Do not be alarmed, for I do not think there is a need to worry, but I am afraid I must tell you our father has a cold. Doctor Jones said it would probably pass soon, but as I know how much you love Papa, I felt guilty not to relate the news to you. He is in bed now, but he made me promise to send you his love. So I will, just as I send you my own! J.B."
Elizabeth was worried, in spite of Jane's reassurances. But Mr. Bennet was not the kind of man who wanted a doctor at his bedside, nor did he like to stay in bed. But maybe it was Mrs. Bennet who had sent for Jones. And while her father was still able to send his love to his second daughter, Elizabeth decided to hope the best of it and not fret.
At that moment the door of the room was opened and Mr. Darcy was let in, alone. Elizabeth was directly aware of her leisurely position, which was not fit to be seen by anyone, and she immediately sat up straight. Mr. Darcy tried to hide a smile, but she saw his amusement and couldn't help but smile herself. She got on her feet and curtseyed while the gentleman bowed slightly.
"Good morning, Miss Bennet, how are you today?"
"I'm fine, thank you."
"I hoped to find you here still, though I feared you and your companions would have gone out already, for it is a very fine day."
"My aunt and uncle left, indeed, and I would have gone with them, had not some letters from my sister Jane arrived this morning."
"So I intruded at an unwelcome time, Miss Bennet? I am sorry."
Struck again by his politeness and the easiness of his manners, Elizabeth hastened to reply: "No sir, in fact I had just finished them."
"Nothing but good news I hope?"
"It seems my father has a cold, but Jane wrote there was no need to worry." Elizabeth surprised herself with this frank and personal answer. It must be a result of his amiable countenance, she thought.
"The fine weather will be a beneficial aid to overcome any illness, I'm sure, Miss Bennet," Mr. Darcy most kindly replied.
Elizabeth thanked him for his warm concern. Then they were silent for a moment. Elizabeth wondered at the reason of his coming, the third meeting in three days. She felt flattered, and yet she could not believe her power over him so great. He must be trying to show his good breeding, she concluded. Mr. Darcy himself at that time was trying to form an invitation without sounding arrogant.
"I actually came to make sure you would not miss the Peak during your stay in Derbyshire. I am sure you will be able to seize the beauty of it more than most visitors will."
"I absolutely want to see it," Elizabeth replied, "- and my aunt and uncle had planned to, if not today, then tomorrow."
"If it would not be inconvenient, my sister and I would be most willing to accompany the three of you, to make sure you will not overlook the most beautiful spots-" Here Darcy hesitated, as if he was afraid to sound impertinent.
At that moment Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner returned. They couldn't conceal their surprise at the sight of Mr. Darcy. Mrs. Gardiner now was certain of his partiality to her niece. He greeted them with the utmost civility, and was answered likewise. When his plan of accompanying them to the Peak was unfolded, it was soon settled that the whole party would go there this very afternoon.
"Will not Mr. Bingley join us?" Elizabeth asked, with which question she was hoping to find out whether Miss Bingley would come as well, for she did not think it appropriate to ask that straight out.
"I believe he is to stay with his sisters and Mr. Hurst. Miss Bingley and her sister are not so fond of long walks, and the only way of really appreciating the Peak is to get out of your carriage."
Elizabeth suppressed a smile. She was most certain that Caroline Bingley would be willing to be put up with a great deal of walking, if only she knew Darcy would be with Elizabeth.
"I'll be back here at noon, with Georgiana, and we can go in my carriage," Darcy said, and with a look over his shoulder, he took his leave.
To the Peak they went, and Elizabeth stood in awe, even more than she expected. The beauty of the landscape, the warmness of the summer air, and the superiority of society were factors which highly influenced her spirits. Her cheeks glowed, her eyes shone as well. Even Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner found her more beautiful than ever, as was obvious by their mutual looks at each other. The younger part of the party several times climbed a bit further than Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner. Mr. Darcy helped the ladies mount or get down, whenever a helping hand was required. After having spent half an hour in so pleasant a party, Georgiana lost most of her shyness, and even dared to participate in conversation. She grew particularly fond of Miss Bennet, probably because of her lack of false dignity and her easy way to address people. Elizabeth herself indeed grew more like her usual self, and the awkwardness she had first felt whenever in Mr. Darcy's presence gradually subsided.
It would have been a perfect outing, had not Miss Darcy taken a fall. Though she didn't slip from high, she scratched her leg rather badly and cried in pain. Of course everyone ran at her help, and Mr. Darcy carried her all the way back to the coach. They all headed for Pemberley, eager to help and worried about sweet Georgiana.
The family doctor attended her as soon as possible and gave them to know it was a bad wound indeed, but when not infected, it would heal quite soon at this young age, he said.
Georgiana was very sorry to be the cause of spoiling the pleasure, but they all assured her it was of no consequence and they would have chances enough to go to the Peak again. Besides they had seen most of it already anyway by the time she fell.
Mr. Darcy insisted on having diner with the Gardiners and Miss Bennet. He wanted to make sure the memory of this afternoon would be a pleasant one, even though Miss Darcy got injured.
She couldn't help but look at her situation with amazement. She wouldn't have dreamt to be visiting Pemberley while its owner was at home, and now there she went, and on her own too, to enquire after his sister!
Her carriage had been seen and even before her arrival Mr. Darcy waited for her at the gate. He did not even attempt to hide his gladness on seeing her. Georgiana had most fervently wished to have her near, he informed Elizabeth, and had she not arrived just now, he would have gone to fetch her. On hearing this, Elizabeth couldn't help but blush, and she hoped it was lost on him. It wasn't though, and it made him wonder whether it was a blush of pleasure or of embarrassment.
While walking through the court he was sorry to tell her that Georgiana was not so well as they had hoped. She was seated near a large window, with Miss Bingley holding her hand. She'd much rather be left alone by Caroline Bingley, but of course she would not dare to mention that. The sight of Elizabeth though made her expression more lively and she even managed a soft "Thank you for coming" or something very much like it.
Miss Bingley persevered in her attentions to Miss Darcy for almost a quarter of an hour, but then its novelty had worn off and her main purpose, gaining Darcy's attention, did not meet her hopes, so she left the chair next to Georgiana and most elegantly walked to the other side of the room.
Elizabeth felt more at ease now that she was no longer exposed to Miss Bingley's remarks, and draw her chair nearer to Georgiana. Without any difficulty she dwelt on such topics as to excite Miss Darcy's spirits fairly, and after some time Miss Darcy even conversed with her, forgetting her shyness through Elizabeth's easy manners.
"I hear you both play and sing, Miss Bennet. Would you please sing me something?"
It was impossible to refuse such a sweet request by so shy a girl, so Elizabeth made Georgiana the promise that she would. Mr. Darcy had been a keen observer, though Caroline Bingley had tried to distract him with all her might. But she didn't have much success, and Mr. Darcy now found a reason to leave her, in finding some music books for Miss Bennet.
Elizabeth suggested to remove Miss Darcy, so she may be seated near the pianoforte. Both she and Mr. Darcy assisted her to get to another chair, and then Elizabeth played some of her favourite pieces and songs.
In order not to have Miss Bingley all over him again, Darcy pretended not to be listening, with a book on his lap, but in fact he was listening with great enjoyment to the natural singing voice and easy playing of Elizabeth. Though she made some mistakes and occasionally with a smile or grimace started a bar anew, her performance was very pleasing and unaffected.
Miss Bingley of course insisted on showing her own talents, by offering her help to rescue Miss Bennet from getting tired fingers. Elizabeth yielded her seat easily, and when examining her watch decided it was time to return to Lambton. Georgiana begged her to stay and called her brother to assist her in her pleadings, but Elizabeth said she couldn't let her aunt and uncle get worried about her.
Mr. Darcy most seriously offered her that both she and her companions were most welcome to spend the rest of their time in Derbyshire at Pemberley, and that it would in fact be a great honour to him to have him as his guests.
Elizabeth blushed deeply and for a moment could not utter a syllable. She was completely taken aback by his gallantry and did not know what to reply. Darcy understood it might be awkward for her to inform her relatives of his invitation, so he offered to accompany her on her way to Lambton, to make the request himself. Elizabeth thus found herself helped in her carriage by the very man whose hand she refused so decidedly a few months ago. He stepped in after her, and off they went. They didn't speak much during the ride, both feeling uneasy all of a sudden, being so close together, and alone, too.
They both had their own thoughts to dwell on, their own memories to think of. Only once Elizabeth mentioned Georgiana and said she dearly hoped Miss Darcy would recover soon.
Mr. Darcy's invitation caused great astonishment at the inn of Lambton. Mrs. Gardiner wondered if he knew she was only a villager, who had been brought up with the idea that Pemberley was like the King's Court.
Mr. Darcy again and again assured them the honour would be his and his alone if his request was to be accepted. There was no way in refusing him, considering not only his position in life, but also his engaging manners. It was not possible to come to Pemberley right away though, for dinner was already ordered at the inn, but they agreed on coming tomorrow.
That night, Elizabeth could not fall asleep so easily. The very idea of staying under the same roof as Mr. Darcy for several days, nay, more than two weeks, excited her spirits so much that being at ease and sleep seemed impossible. She could not help but think whether it would be possible or likely that he'd form any serious design on her again. She was not sure of her own heart. Did she wish it, hope it? This man had been nothing to her, she had rejected him most eagerly, and now she couldn't sleep due to the prospect of being his guest. What compliment he had paid them!
Their suitcases were packed soon enough, and after a breakfast they set off to the lovely grounds of Pemberley.
"Lizzy?"
Elizabeth ceased her musings and looked up to her aunt.
"How well were you acquainted with Mr. Darcy before we entered Derbyshire? His invitation is a compliment of the highest kind, my love!"
"I- I knew him a little."
Elizabeth tried to figure out whether it was best to relate the truth to her dear aunt and uncle.
"It seems you were quite intimate already. But maybe that was not the case, Lizzy?"
"We were not so very intimate, but we had met in Hertfordshire as well as in Kent, when I stayed in Hunsford, with Charlotte Collins."
Her aunt and uncle were satisfied with that declaration, for the moment at least. To them, it was obvious that Mr. Darcy was in love with Elizabeth, and his present invitation was only a proof to their suspicions.
"Unfortunately I have just been informed on some business I have to take care of in the South, so I am forced to leave you this afternoon. But I hope I will be back in a day or two. I am very sorry indeed, but it is an important matter which I'm afraid cannot be delayed," Darcy said.
It was plain Mr. Darcy regretted his sudden need to depart, but he was obviously happy to be able to receive his guests before he would leave. He sat by them all morning, and invited them for a walk around the park before he'd go. Mr. Bingley and his sisters joined them, too.
Miss Bingley showed some signs of jealousy when she understood Elizabeth was to stay at Pemberley. To her this was a most unwelcome token of Darcy's partiality, and for the first time she really feared he was in danger of falling in love with somebody so very much below him. Therefore, it was time to undertake some action, and Caroline Bingley figured out a scheme that gave her the satisfaction of staying at Darcy's side as long as possible.
"Mr. Darcy, I have longed to go to some of my acquaintances in the South for so long, but I did not have the opportunity. Would it be very inconvenient for you to have me join you?" she said in a sweet manner.
Mr. Darcy raised his brow at the liberty of this question. Though he much rather had gone alone, it would be impolite to refuse Miss Bingley. At any other time he would not have cared in the least about being impolite to Caroline Bingley, but now that Elizabeth was there he was determined to prove himself the gentleman in every respect, so he reluctantly agreed to have Caroline Bingley with him.
Mr. Bingley was aware of the impropriety that arose from his sister travelling alone with a man, so he said he would go with them too. He didn't reveal his motives, but it was clear to Elizabeth why he insisted on accompanying them as well.
Mr. and Mrs. Hurst soon lacked any reason to stay, so when the sun had reached its highest place in the sky, only Georgiana, Elizabeth and the Gardiners were left at Pemberley, as well as Mrs. Annesley, who was Miss Darcy's lady-companion.
Elizabeth felt a great relief to be freed from Miss Bingley's remarks, and she also didn't mind to be apart from Mr. Darcy for some days, which gave her an opportunity to sort her feelings out. What did she think of him, how did she regard him, and what did she hope? She wasn't sure at all. But she did look forward to spending time with Miss Darcy. It was a pleasure and an honour to be able to know her better.
Georgiana Darcy herself was very glad that Miss Bingley was gone. She rejoiced in the company of Miss Bennet and sincerely hoped she and her aunt and uncle would make no long outings these following days.
As the weather was beautiful, they helped Georgiana to the garden and had tea outside, and Elizabeth marvelled at the beauty of the house and its grounds. Georgiana apparently felt more at ease now that most people were gone, and it wasn't hard to like the Gardiners and Miss Elizabeth, who were equally determined to like her.
The afternoon and evening were spent in pleasant chats and playing music, but when it was almost time to go to bed, Miss Darcy grew grave and silent and was evidently in pain. Mrs. Annesley had sent for the family doctor immediately, and unfortunately he noticed an infection in Miss Darcy's wounded leg. Georgiana begged Elizabeth to stay with her, and Elizabeth dared not leave her alone in this state, nor did she want to. Within an hour Georgiana had a high fever due to the infection. Mrs. Annesley and Elizabeth sat by her bed, and when she finally fell asleep, Elizabeth slipped away and got dressed for the night. She was just about to step into her bed, ready to experience her first night at Pemberley, when Mrs. Annesley knocked at her door.
"Yes?' Elizabeth asked.
"Miss Bennet, forgive my intrusion, but Miss Georgiana woke up and asked for you. I hope you do not mind to sit with her?"
Elizabeth didn't mind at all, for though they had not been acquainted for long, she already had come to have sisterly feelings for Georgiana, and asking for Miss Bennet at this present time was to be regarded as a compliment, indeed. So Elizabeth followed Mrs. Annesley and soon was seated near Georgiana's bed. Georgiana looked up at her with gratitude. Elizabeth forgot she was in her nightgown and had her hair down, but it was of no consequence anyway, for Georgiana took no notice of it at all.
"You might as well try to get some sleep, Mrs. Annesley,' Elizabeth said. "I don't think it will be necessary that we both stay awake. But I trust it I can call you whenever you're needed?"
"Of course, Miss Bennet. Thank you. If you need me, don't hesitate for a minute, just call!"
"Thank you, Mrs. Annesley," Elizabeth replied.
Mrs. Annesley left to the room next-door and Elizabeth attended her young friend for hours, sometimes cooling her forehead with a wet towel, then covering her shivering body with an extra blanket, and taking that off again when it became too hot. Georgiana didn't get better though. In fact, she got a lot worse. At midnight she began to call for her brother. For a while, Elizabeth hesitated and wasn't sure what would be best, but when Georgiana had called out "Fitzwilliam" for ten minutes, she decided it was best to have him fetched at once. She woke Mrs. Annesley, who agreed with her, and an express was sent for him. Elizabeth assured poor Georgiana her brother was to come as soon as possible.
At the crack of dawn Georgiana finally fell asleep, and Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment. Only then she realized how tired she was. With Georgiana's hand still in hers she dozed off.
It was past six o'clock when Darcy finally reached his estate. As soon as he had heard about Georgiana's feverish request he had got dressed and had jumped on his horse. His only sister meant the world to him and such a plea from her was not to be disregarded. He entered his home, ran up the stairs and immediately, though very quietly, set foot to his sister's bedroom. The chambermaid met him in the hallway and informed him Miss Darcy had finally fallen asleep just now, but anyone would be glad to have the master at home in this present time of need.
He almost inaudibly entered Georgiana's room and to his surprise he did not found one, but two sleeping ladies. His heart was relieved to see his sister breathing healthily, but he was taken aback by the beauty of the sleeping woman next to her. She had nestled herself cozily in the chair, and held Georgiana's hand in a relaxed way. Her hair was spread over the chair and her shoulders, and with her eyes closed one could observe her lashes were uncommonly long.
Though Darcy tried to be as quiet as possible, Elizabeth woke at the soft sound of a closing door, and when looking up was surprised to see Mr. Darcy. She opened her lips to speak, but Darcy made a small gesture to remind her of sleeping Georgiana. So Elizabeth softly laid Georgiana's hand on her bed and got to her feet. She tiptoed to Darcy, who couldn't keep his eyes of her. But that was lost on Elizabeth, for all she thought of was to inform Mr. Darcy of his sister's state.
"Mr. Darcy," she whispered, "I hope you don't mind being called home, but I'd rather have you angry for being forced to return than for not having been called."
"No, Miss Bennet, you certainly did the right thing, and I came immediately. But don't tell me you have been here with her all night?"
All of a sudden Elizabeth realized what she must look like, and quite embarrassed she apologized for her appearance.
"Oh no, pray don't feel uncomfortable, Miss Bennet! I owe you a great many for having attended to my sister. It would be unpardonable if I blamed you for not being properly dressed at this time of day!"
Elizabeth dared not lift her eyes to him, and in a hurried manner related to him the events of the past hours.
"I am exceedingly grateful, Miss Bennet," Darcy replied. "Now if you like, please do try to sleep, you must be quite exhausted."
Elizabeth smiled shortly, looking up at him for an instant, but long enough to discern the look of emotion in his eyes. Was it gratitude? Or was it love? Could that be, after the way she had treated him? No, it must be gratitude, for sure. But there was no time to ponder on that subject now. She was so fatigued, and had to go to sleep. She tried to curtsey but felt rather stupid to perform such civility in her nightgown. She left and went to bed. Once her head was on the pillow, she fell asleep without a further thought.
Thus Elizabeth Bennet spent her first hours in a bed at Pemberley, an event of which she had anticipated she'd be sleepless for excitement. Instead, she slept from half past six till noon.
"Your uncle and Mr. Darcy needed some fresh air, so they went for a walk. How are you, my dearest Lizzy? I heard you were up all night?"
"I think I've had enough rest after all-," Elizabeth laughed. "And how is Miss Darcy?"
"She was asleep an hour ago, and I haven't heard from her since."
"Do you mind if I call on her right now, to see if she's well?"
"Of course not! But then do return soon, for I promised Mr. Darcy to see to it that you are well fed. There is a late breakfast waiting for you, Lizzy."
"I'll be back in a minute. I just want to make sure Miss Darcy is fine."
Elizabeth silently slipped into Georgiana's room. She found her awake.
"Good morning Miss Darcy, how are you?"
"Miss Bennet, I'm glad to see you! I feel a little better. The doctor just examined my leg and he said it is healing, and the infection had not increased and will probably be gone soon."
"I'm so glad to hear that! You look much better indeed!"
"Miss Bennet, I want to thank you for being with me all night. I am very grateful. Your presence was soothing, and I feel so thankful that you almost skipped your night rest just to sit at my side. I hope you will no longer call me Miss Darcy, but just Georgiana. I've never met anyone like you, you make me feel at ease, Miss Bennet."
Elizabeth felt a great happiness at this progressing intimacy.
"I am honoured, Georgiana! But I have one condition: you must call me by my Christian name, too!"
Georgiana smiled and said: "I will, Elizabeth."
For a moment, the young women looked at each other and then they laughed heartily, aware of their mutual regard and esteem.
"Is there anything I can get for you; do you want something to eat or drink?"
"I believe Mrs. Annesley already went down to get me something," Georgiana replied.
"Well, Georgiana," Elizabeth said, emphasizing her name, "I'll come back soon, but I think I'd better have some breakfast as well. I might as well call it luncheon!"
Elizabeth softly stroke Georgiana's hand and then walked to the door.
"Elizabeth?"
She turned around.
"Thank you once again. I wish I had a sister like you."
Elizabeth blushed without knowing it. What Georgiana had just said was a great compliment indeed, but it might also imply some events that she didn't dare hope for. And the moment she realized this, she understood that she was hoping, and her heart felt as if struck by lightning. I'm falling in love with Mr. Darcy, her mind echoed.
"You are the sweetest girl I ever met, Georgiana," she said from the bottom of her heart.
When walking down the stairs, Elizabeth almost bumped into the very object of her thoughts.
"Oh, Miss Bennet, you are up! How are you?!"
"I'm fine, Mr. Darcy, thank you," she managed to say. "Have you seen Miss Darcy already? I just left her and I truly think she is a lot better."
"I'm very glad to hear it! Let me thank you again, Miss Bennet, for staying with my sister last night."
"Anyone would have done the same, sir, " Elizabeth softly answered.
"I'm not so sure about that," Darcy said with a pensive look.
They stood for a moment, Elizabeth some steps above Mr. Darcy. Then they both recollected themselves and proceeded in their intended direction with a slight bow to the other.
Georgiana stayed indoors that day, but to the relief of everyone the infection seemed to be overcome. She felt much better and had no temperature anymore. Elizabeth sat by her a lot, but on Georgiana's kind order she also had several little walks in the beautiful lawns and woods near the majestic house. Her aunt accompanied her every time, and Mr. Gardiner and Mr. Darcy joined them once.
That evening, all went to bed early, to catch some extra sleep. The next day, Mr. Darcy planned on dealing with the postponed business in the south. Georgiana assured him she could spare him, "as long as Elizabeth is there, that is!" she added.
Mr. Darcy looked at her in astonishment. It had not escaped from his notice that his sister, who was always so shy, took the liberty of calling miss Bennet by her Christian name. He also perceived that Miss Bennet herself didn't seem surprised at all. This was all very satisfying indeed! He had not hoped for so soon a friendship between the two women he most loved.
Before Darcy took his leave, two other gentlemen arrived at Pemberley. The first one was Mr. Bingley, who much rather stayed in Derbyshire than with his sisters, and who was, of course, eager to know how Georgiana was. The second was a welcome sight to Elizabeth, for she had liked him from the first moment of their acquaintance in Hunsford. It was Colonel Fitzwilliam. He happened to have heard of Georgiana's unfortunate fall and of course couldn't rest until he knew how she was. He was very pleased to find Miss Bennet at Pemberley, for he was equally fond of her company as she valued his. He tried to figure out by intent looks if there was any sort of engagement between her and his cousin, but just as in Kent, he couldn't tell.
He had been very surprised last April, when Darcy wanted to leave Rosings Park all of a sudden, and in quite a hurry too. He was positive Darcy admired Miss Bennet, and half expected them to be engaged before they would leave Kent. He did not understand what Darcy's sudden departure meant or what could be its cause. Darcy had been very taciturn those days. Finding Miss Bennet as his guest now, and her relatives as well, he concluded Darcy's leave from Hunsford had had nothing to do with her.
Darcy rejoiced in the arrival of his friend and cousin.
"I will not leave my castle unprotected!" he joked. With a little tap on his hat he took his leave, forcing himself not to look back.
Georgiana soon recovered and though she wasn't able to walk yet, let alone participate in any outing, she was able to sit behind the pianoforte. The following evenings the whole party could enjoy her musical talents, which were great indeed. She even sang once, and very well too, but was too modest to repeat that treat in front of such a large audience.
The third evening after Darcy's departure, the weather suddenly changed. Rain poured down and there was quite a thunderstorm as well. It was very comfortable in the parlour though, and everyone in it had pleasure in all that was to be said, done or listened to.
Georgiana began to play a waltz. Elizabeth stood up, wondering if she still remembered how to dance a waltz.
"My mother once taught my sister Jane and me how to waltz, but it seems to be quite out of fashion. A pity I think, for it is a bedazzling sight to see all those couples spinning around the room," she said to Georgiana.
She tried to make some of the figures, and Bingley soon got up at her assistance. They laughed out loud several times when he hit her toe or she stepped in the opposite direction of what he expected. Georgiana sometimes had to stop playing, so hard were her laughs caused by the foolish scene before her. The three of them were so busy playing or dancing, that they hadn't noticed the owner of the house had stepped into the room. He watched in silence for a while, smiling at Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner.
It's not hard to imagine the surprise Elizabeth felt when Bingley was tapped on his shoulder and stepped away, and there was no one before her but Mr. Darcy himself.
"Will you do me the honour of dancing this waltz with me, Miss Bennet?"
Elizabeth was baffled, but when she looked around and saw Georgiana's beaming face she managed to curtsey and smilingly said: "Yes sir, it would be my pleasure."
Old-fashioned as the waltz might be, Darcy mastered its form very well. At the light tones of Georgiana's pianoforte, he and Elizabeth danced around. Never before had Elizabeth been so near the master of Pemberley, and never had he held her so close. She dared not look him in the eye. It was all so confusing, having him in front of her all of a sudden, feeling his touch on her waist now, having her hand, without a glove, in his, and then being led in a dance she hardly remembered herself.
"Why, Darcy, you remember the waltz better than I do!" Bingley cried.
"It's not so hard, especially with so elegant a partner," Darcy replied.
Elizabeth blushed and smiled.
"You dance very well, sir," she managed to say.
For the first time she looked him in the eye. He made no answer, but Elizabeth didn't know this was the result of her own breathtaking appearance, nor did she fathom the confusion he experienced at having her in his arms. Darcy felt he'd never be more in love with anyone than he was with Elizabeth Bennet. If he hadn't controlled his tongue with all his might, he would have asked for her hand again this very instant. But he wanted it to be right. He wanted to be certain of her affection, and was determined to have her love inflame for him.
When Georgiana's waltz was finished, Darcy gracefully thanked Elizabeth for the pleasure of dancing with him. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner clapped their hands to show their appreciation, and Colonel Fitzwilliam stepped forward to compliment the pair. Elizabeth tried to think of something to say, but no witty remark entered her head. Mr. Darcy was all eloquence it seemed. He enquired after her health and if she had enjoyed her time in his house.
The rest of the evening was pleasantly spent, although Elizabeth felt somewhat nervous. She was almost certain that she had seen admiration in Mr. Darcy's eyes while they were dancing, and the more she thought of it, the more she wanted it to be so. It was strange indeed, that she was hoping to receive the attentions of the man she had rejected a few months ago.
There was so much to ponder on, that Elizabeth excused herself rather early that evening, to spend some time in solitude. That seemed the only way to put her mind at ease.
The main question that needed an answer, was whether she regretted not to have accepted his proposal last April. After having put aside all kinds of arguments to defend her behaviour, Elizabeth came to the conclusion that she was not proud of her saucy speech, and she should have been more kind to him, but with the knowledge she had at that moment, and the lack of tender feelings towards him, it would have been unthinkable to accept his hand. The only regrets she harboured, were of not having done any research to have the truth of the facts related to her, confirmed. She had trusted Wickham in every way, when she should have been more cautious.
But apart from that, she felt that she did what she should have done. Darcy's doings towards Bingley and Jane were highly reproachable, and of such nature as to affect her feelings badly. She wondered if there was still anything to hope for Jane, now that Darcy definitely proved his good will to behave like a gentleman. Would he let Bingley choose for himself, would he let Bingley's own heart decide? Would he tell him about Jane's being in London?
These musings didn't do at all! Elizabeth sought solitude to find peace of mind, yet all that occurred was the rise of turmoil inside her. Dwelling on the subject of Jane and Bingley made her feel so uneasy, that she desired sleep would come and capture her, but it didn't.
Was Darcy to be trusted? Not only did he conceal the truth of Jane's stay in London to Bingley, he also lied to Elizabeth when she openly asked him whether he had happened to see her sister in London. She now understood the confusion that had spread over his features, when he had answered her question in the affirmative.
"Oh what must I think of him?!" she sighed.
She might be in love, but on the other hand, so many things weren't sorted out yet. Could Darcy undergo so material a change by her words, or was he deceiving her?
"No, that could not be, for he told me himself, that night at Hunsford, that disguise of every sort is his abhorrence. And I am positive that is true. I know enough of him now to know that is true."
I cannot relate every thought that tumbled through Elizabeth's head after this, but you will easily believe me if I say she lay awake a long time indeed!
The house was absolutely still when she slipped away, but outside the birds were singing, as they use to do in rain or shine. The smell of the woods was delicious, which is at least one positive effect of rain: it deepens the fragrance of the forest.
Elizabeth took a deep breath and quickened her pace. She wasn't aware of being in Mr. Darcy's sight, who stood in front of the window in his bedroom, unable to sleep, and had a full view of the part of the park in which she was wandering about. And of course we cannot blame him for running downstairs immediately when he beheld Elizabeth, to see if he could have a walk together with our heroine.
He soon met her, and at an awkward moment too, for Elizabeth had just been running a few hundred meters. She knew this was a bad habit of hers and she wasn't supposed to do so, for it made her quite out of breath and as we all know it isn't ladylike to gasp for breath. Darcy nevertheless was amused. She was so alive, so different to any lady of his acquaintance.
"Mr. Darcy!" Elizabeth uttered in surprise.
"Good morning, Miss Bennet. I hope you have had a good night rest?"
"I thank you, yes."
"You are out rather early."
"I was afraid it would rain all day - (here she had to pause to catch some breath), so when I saw it was still dry this morning, I took my chance to enjoy your lovely grounds, sir."
"And you do enjoy them, as I see," Darcy smiled.
Had not her cheeks been reddened by the exercise, Darcy would have noticed her blushes, but they were now indiscernible. Elizabeth smiled and said softly "Yes, I do."
"Then you approve of Pemberley?"
"Yes, very much. But then I cannot imagine that anyone wouldn't."
"But your good opinion is rarely bestowed, and therefore more worth the earning."
"Thank you, sir," Elizabeth replied, though she wasn't sure he meant to pay her a compliment or not. He might also imply that she was very fastidious, which of course is not a mere virtue.
"And how do you like Georgiana? She sure is very fond of you."
"I like her very much, sir. She's very sweet-tempered and accomplished. She will even fit your notion of an accomplished woman!" Elizabeth's eyes had their well-known sparkles again.
"Some people call her proud, I've heard." Darcy mentioned.
"Oh no, she's not proud, she is shy! But not when she comes to know someone better. I think she is perfectly amiable."
"She is still very shy in Miss Bingley's company, though she has known her for ages," Darcy observed. "-In your presence she seems more like herself, Miss Bennet."
This was a compliment, indeed.
"Well, perhaps she feels more at ease with me because I lack Miss Bingley's elegance!" Elizabeth laughingly replied.
"I doubt that, Miss Bennet, for I think you're at least as elegant as both Bingley's sisters."
"Thank you, sir," was all Elizabeth could answer, and she looked away to hide her embarrassment at the amount of compliments he now lavished upon her.
They had reached the house again and Darcy proposed to have breakfast. Exercise causes hunger, and Elizabeth readily agreed. They soon sat down at the richly laid table together. Elizabeth couldn't help but feel a little awkward again at being here with him alone. He seemed all ease and good manners and he treated her like a duchess. It was so strange to remember his declarations about her relations and their inferior condition in life. Could it really be that her reproaches had made him change his attitude?
These wonderings made Elizabeth rather silent during breakfast. She was glad to be joined by her aunt and soon afterwards Colonel Fitzwilliam, who was as polite and forbearing as ever. Georgiana, helped by Mrs. Annesley, and Mr. Gardiner soon entered the room too, and after at about ten minutes, Bingley completed the party.
"Lizzy, your uncle has some business a mile or ten further north, and I have some old acquaintance there whom I'd love to visit. I think your uncle's business will take but a few days, and I will stay at my friend's place until he returns. We planned to go there today, and of course you are most welcome to join us, my love, but we'd perfectly understand if you'd rather stay here, if Mr. Darcy approves of that of course!" Mrs. Gardiner said.
Before Elizabeth could form a reply, Darcy made known she was very welcome to stay at Pemberley for as long as she wished.
"Well, I -, -I don't know, aunt Gardiner. I'd love to see more of Derbyshire, but I also find great enjoyment in Pemberley," Elizabeth finally said.
Georgiana encouraged her to stay. "I'd miss you very much, Elizabeth. And Derbyshire is not so very interesting in the rain!"
They all laughed (which caused Georgiana cast her eyes down). But still, Elizabeth was not certain what to do. She decided to confide in her aunt as soon as she got the chance.
That chance came soon enough, when Mrs. Gardiner went to her room. Elizabeth followed her and of course was welcome to sit on the bed while her aunt would pack some things for the planned trip.
"You might find our outing dull, Lizzy dear, compared to the young and lively party you find here at Pemberley."
"That's not what troubles me, aunt Gardiner."
Elizabeth's hands played with the bedspread unconsciously. Her aunt noticed her frowns and directly sat next to her.
"Then what is troubling you, Lizzy? It is evident you harbour some secrets. I'm willing to listen if you need to speak!"
"I know you are. And I'd like to confide in you, indeed. There's something about Mr. Darcy that I haven't told you yet. I thought it best not to relate it to anyone, but I find myself quite burdened with my situation."
Mrs. Gardiner did not have the faintest idea what her niece meant, and encouraged her to proceed by keeping quiet and looking inquiringly.
"When I stayed with Charlotte Collins last April, in Hunsford, Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam stayed at Rosings Park -you know, where my cousin's patroness lives; Lady Catherine de Bourgh is Mr. Darcy's aunt.- I met them several times, and Mr. Darcy even quite often, and every time we met he was as taciturn and proud as he'd been in Hertfordshire. I didn't like him, although that might be hard to imagine now. I wasn't very civil to him, to tell you the truth, and I often quarreled with him. I didn't reckon he'd like me and had not the smallest idea of being admired, but one night when I had a headache and stayed at the parsonage when the others left for Rosings Park, he called on me. To my utter amazement- " There Elizabeth stopped and looked at her aunt.
"- he proposed to me."
Mrs. Gardiner looked at Elizabeth in great astonishment.
"And I refused him."
Elizabeth looked at the ground.
"You - He asked you - You refused him? I didn't have the least suspicion in that direction, Lizzy! I knew for certain Mr. Darcy admires you very much, but I never could have guessed he'd already made you an offer of marriage!"
"Well, now you'll understand my awkwardness when we met him again. In fact I did not merely refuse his hand, I also scolded him and laid several charges at his door. I was very angry at him, and am truly ashamed of my doings then. But now -"
Elizabeth paused again, looking up to her aunt as if to find any confirmation.
"You held him responsible for Wickham's misfortunes, I reckon?" Mrs. Gardiner asked.
"Indeed I did. He made no answer at the spot, but to be honest I wasn't reasonable at all at that time. I was angry, and after my heartless reproaches, so was he. But the next morning, before he left he gave me a letter in which he defended himself, also appealing to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, so his words cannot be doubted."
Then Elizabeth gave her aunt a short summary of all that had happened between Wickham and Darcy and sweet Georgiana. She didn't mention his doings concerning Jane and Bingley, because she didn't want her aunt to know. Strangely enough, she felt a need to protect him.
"And all these secrets you bore alone, my dearest Lizzy!"
"I didn't feel authorized to speak. Jane knows though, but we both considered it best not to tell any of our acquaintance, especially because it might put Georgiana in a bad light."
"I understand. And what do you think of Mr. Darcy now, Lizzy?"
"I'm not sure. I wish I were. My opinion of him is very different from what I thought of him first, but I don't think it is likely that he'd still-" Here she stopped, not daring to mention that he might still love her.
On this point, Mrs. Gardiner was much more certain than her niece. To her, it was very evident that Mr. Darcy was very much in love with Elizabeth still, or maybe again. And he was all the gentleman in Mrs. Gardiner's opinion, very worthy to be the husband of her most beloved niece.
"Dear Lizzy, if you want my advice, then I'll be happy to give it to you."
"Please do, aunt!"
"I think you'd best stay here at Pemberley while your uncle and I make that trip. We'll be back in a day or two. And you'll enjoy your time here, I'm sure."
Elizabeth smiled faintly.
"Thank you, aunt Gardiner."
"We'll leave this very afternoon then, in spite of the rain."
And so they did. Elizabeth came to the coach to wave goodbye and returned into the house. She and Georgiana sang a dozen of songs and played various pieces on the pianoforte. The sound of it filled the right wing of Pemberley, and was also audible in the library, where Mr. Darcy deliberately took his position. He did not have the intention of reading the book he held in his hand. However, he even wouldn't have had the opportunity to do so, for his cousin sought his presence.
"Darcy, I'm sorry to disturb you."
"You never disturb me, Fitzwilliam! Come in, have a seat, enjoy the sounds of the fair ladies that dwell at Pemberley."
Colonel Fitzwilliam took a seat. It was clear that he felt uncomfortable.
"Darcy, I must know how you feel about Miss Elizabeth Bennet. To tell you the truth I'm very much surprised that you haven't proposed to her, I really thought you would. But now that you haven't, I must know if you have any intention of doing so in the future, for if not-"
Darcy looked at is cousin in utter amazement. Never had he considered the possibility of the Colonel's falling in love with the very object of his regard and admiration.
Fitzwilliam misunderstood Darcy's countenance and began to defend himself.
"I know, you must be thinking she has nothing to offer, and I have no great fortune either, being the younger son of an Earl, and I'm afraid you're perfectly right. But if you have formed no design on her, I must take my chances, I must try my luck. I'd rather be poor yet happy in marriage, than rich yet married without affection."
Darcy knew he should speak now. Though it might be embarrassing, it could not be helped.
"Fitzwilliam, I- Last April I already have made her an offer of my hand."
The Colonel looked him in the eye, astonished.
"- And she wouldn't have me."
Fitzwilliam's brows raised even higher.
"She wouldn't have you?! In spite of your fortune, your estate, your good looks?! How on earth is it possible that any woman would reject you, let alone a sensible woman like Elizabeth Bennet?!"
"She had heard accounts of me that had made her form an opinion that justified her refusal. But most of the accounts were false, and if I mention their source you'll understand. It was Wickham."
Colonel Fitzwilliam had left his seat He turned to the window and stared at the drizzle. Then he looked back at Darcy.
"And you told her what really happened."
"I did. In a letter."
"Do you think her feelings towards you are different now?"
"I don't know. But I have hope they are."
"Have you- Do you plan to ask her again?"
"I do."
"I see."
Colonel Fitzwilliam was not the kind of man to fret long over any defeat (if this could be called defeat anyway). Bewitching as Miss Bennet was to him, he didn't think he'd stand any chance to win her heart, not with such a rival.
"Well, then make sure she'll have you, or her reputation will be bad indeed! You know, I reckon, that she has already refused the hand of our friend Mr. Collins, and when she will have refused you twice, and this becomes known, no man will dare ask her, ever!"
Both men couldn't help but smile.
"If she persists in her refusal, she might have you," Darcy said with a naughty smile. "Oh, forgive me," he added immediately.
Colonel Fitzwilliam shook Darcy's hand.
"I wish you luck, cousin."
Elizabeth had written to Jane about her stay at Pemberley. She was very anxious to know Jane's reaction, especially since Jane knew about that evening in Hunsford. But when a letter from Jane arrived, there was not much to rejoice over.
It was just before dinner, and while Elizabeth wondered why the post had been delivered so late, she opened the letter quickly.
"It must be because of the weather," she concluded, and begun to read straight on.
Jane wrote about her surprise that her dearest Lizzy was invited by Darcy himself, and she told Elizabeth he must either be determined to make her love him, or be resolute to prove his good manners. But after a few sentences Jane had to tell her their father wasn't in good health yet.
"He has been asking for you several times, Lizzy, and to tell you the truth I have been doubting whether to send you an express or not, but Mr. Jones said father's chances of recovery are substantial. So I decided to write a common letter instead. You are surely wanted here, but for mere egoistic reasons, so you'd best stay were you are and enjoy a society less depressing than that at Longbourn."
This was too much for Elizabeth. Jane couldn't have pointed out any clearer that her presence was fervently wished for by her father, and being the loving daughter that she was, she could not possibly deny his hopes! Even if Jones were right and Mr. Bennet would make a swift recovery, she preferred to be at his side all the same.
With a most anxious look on her face she rushed down to make her departure known. But how inconvenient that her relatives were gone just now! To fetch them would cost precious time, and she didn't want to loose a moment now.
In an agitated state she entered the room in which Mr. Darcy and his sister abided. Bingley and Fitzwilliam had left to buy themselves some new rifles, so Elizabeth found Georgiana and her brother alone.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you, sir," she began, "but I just received news from Longbourn. My father is still quite ill and he's been asking for me for days, so I must go to him."
"But of course, Miss Bennet," Darcy said. "But let the chambermaid pack your suitcase and have some supper before you leave, for it will be quite a journey. And I insist on accompanying you, Miss Bennet."
"You are very kind sir, but I can travel alone. I have done so before, and if you'd be so kind as to lend me a coach and a coachman, I won't be entirely alone."
"I'll not give way, Miss Bennet. I reckon you never went alone this far, and at night. Besides, you are my guest and will not leave without a travel-companion. And the presence of the coachman will serve propriety's sake, so there is not a single argument that can make me chance my resolve."
Elizabeth could not but yield. Darcy immediately gave orders for a meal for Miss Bennet and himself, and someone was send to pack things for Elizabeth.
It's not hard to imagine Elizabeth's mind was distracted during supper. She thought of her father of course, but she was also trying to figure out why she felt joy to have Mr. Darcy with her. It was a long trip, and accordingly they would be together for hours. But why would she rejoice in that? Her musings on this subject did not last long, though, since her fear regarding Mr. Bennet's health soon overpowered any other thought or feeling.
Within half an hour, all was settled and Elizabeth said goodbye to Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley. She was loath to part from Miss Darcy, who would only let her go after the promise of return, a promise which Elizabeth readily made. She asked Georgiana to bid farewell to Mr. Bingley and the Colonel for her.
Mr. Darcy handed her in the carriage and followed her. It was raining and the sound of the raindrops was ever-present. The carriage set off at full speed, with four horses in front. Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth talked for some time, about the rain, about Lambton, about Derbyshire in general. Then every idea seemed to fail them and they sat in silence, Elizabeth looking at the landscape, Darcy pretending to do the same but meanwhile secretly throwing glances at her. He wondered if he had succeeded in changing her opinion of him for the better. She allowed him to accompany her, and she didn't seem to hate him, but what did she think of him? If he were certain she loved him, or even liked him, he'd propose to her this very instant. But he was not, so he kept his silence. Besides, she had other things on her mind!
During the first miles, the road was well, but after some time the driver had to slow down, since the rain had made a muddy trail. It now no longer rained, and as often happens at the end of a rainy day, the sun even appeared from behind the clouds, as if to face the results of her absence.
Elizabeth felt a sudden nausea when the carriage rocked on the rough road. Darcy noticed her paleness and spoke with concern.
"Are you unwell, Miss Bennet?"
"I feel a bit sick indeed, sir. I'm not used to ride at such speed on a bad road with a full stomach."
"Perhaps you'd better sit next to me. It is said that riding backwards can cause sickness."
"Maybe, sir. It is worth a try, I guess, for we will be travelling for a long time still, and I'd rather not feel bad all the way."
"Shall I summon the coachman to stop?"
"No, I think I can manage while riding, with your assistance. I don't want to loose any time, sir."
Darcy was very willing to lend Elizabeth a hand, and very soon they sat next to each other. They both were aware of the rarity of such an occasion, and Elizabeth felt a sudden urge to giggle, which she managed to control.
Time went by and somehow it seemed more easy to converse now that they were not opposite one another and could no longer face the other without turning their heads. Whatever they discussed, they never got near those subjects that were, -beside Mr. Bennet's health,- most in their thoughts, such as that night in Hunsford, the letter he wrote to her, or the changes that were or might be a result of their spoken or written words. Mr. Bennet was on their mind a lot as well, but Elizabeth dreaded to mention him, and tried not to think of him. What if she burst into tears while sitting so close to Mr. Darcy? It would be most improper, indeed.
When the sun had set, they had to move even more slow, because not every part of the road was lighted.
"If you can you'd best try to get some sleep, Miss Bennet." Darcy observed.
"I think I will, sir," she softly replied, and it didn't take her long to fall asleep.
Darcy could not resist the temptation of watching her. He could not see her very clearly, but the view of her was capturing all the same. Of course, Elizabeth was not aware of his steady gaze. She only woke up when there was a gap in the road, that caused her head to bump to the side of the carriage. Her hairpins caused some inconvenience when leaning to one side, yet to lean to the softer side, where Mr. Darcy was sitting, was out of the question. Without thinking Elizabeth removed her hairpins, which caused her hair to fall down, and then she closed her eyes again, having not even thrown one glance at her companion, whose eyes were on her ceaselessly. She was completely unconscious of that, or else she'd never have taken the liberty to ruin her hair-dress.
Darcy felt somewhat guilty, as if he had no right to behold what he saw. Would he ever be able to win her heart? Would his future be that he'd be authorized to see this sight every day? Never before had he beheld such a beautiful woman. And now he sat next to her; she had given him permission to accompany her, -or at least she hadn't protested very long.
After some time Darcy decided he'd best try to get some sleep as well. His dozing did not take long though, for after a few miles the carriage stopped most abruptly. Both Darcy and Elizabeth woke up. Elizabeth felt somewhat silly when she realized she had her hair down, and she apologized for her appearance.
"In fact you look wonderful, Miss Bennet," her companion replied with a smile, and then he got out of the carriage to learn the reason of their sudden halt.
It appeared the wheels got stuck in the mud, and in such a way that it was impossible to remove them soon. Darcy turned to Elizabeth to discuss what would be best to do now. Elizabeth climbed out, too.
"Even if we manage to move further, we'll get stuck again very soon," Darcy observed.
"Will not the roads be better after Northampton?" Elizabeth asked.
"They will, but Northampton is still at least two miles away."
"But we cannot stay here, either, can we? Besides, the night is not so cold and it doesn't rain anymore. If you don't mind, Mr. Darcy, I'd be very glad if we could proceed, now that we've come this far. I would never forgive myself if..."
Here she stopped, suddenly aware of her pessimistic thoughts. She looked up to Mr. Darcy, who wanted to help her with all his heart. She looked so lovely and vulnerable.
"You are a good walker, Miss Bennet, so I suppose we can walk to Northampton and see if we can hire a carriage there."
"Will that be possible at this time of the night?"
"I've hired carriages at any time of the night before, so to speak."
"I'm sorry to cause you so much inconvenience, Mr. Darcy."
"Don't feel uneasy about this, Miss Bennet. To tell you the truth, I'd enjoy this adventure, were not its reason your father's illness."
Elizabeth smiled a sad smile and then tried to make something out of her hair. Darcy looked at her unconcealed. When she had finished he offered her his arm and after having given some orders to the coachman they set off. Elizabeth was glad to have Darcy's assistance, for the road was slippery and hardly visible, and she felt a little shaky due to the fact that she had only just been sleeping.
It was quite odd to be scampering about the country at midnight, and accompanied by the man she once detested most in the world.
At last, they reached Northampton and went in search of the inn. The inn-keeper was called from his bed and asked for a carriage in a most polite way, which was the best manner to appease the host, who was rather sulky for being disturbed at this hour.
"Even if I had one, sir, it'd do you no good, sir, for the roads are as bad ahead as they are back. But even so, I don't have a carriage to lend at this moment sir, only two horses."
Darcy looked quite disappointed already, but Elizabeth interfered in their conversation.
"-And these horses could be hired, sir?"
"Yes Ma'am, but they are rather wild."
"And could I borrow a wide dress, sir?" she asked shyly. Darcy looked at her in apparent amazement.
"Yes of course, Ma'am. I'll see if my wife's got something for you, though you've not the same size I'm afraid!" -and he looked at Elizabeth with obvious admiration.
"But- I thought you never ride, Miss Bennet?" Darcy stammered.
"Why would you think that?"
"Well, you are a good walker, and I never saw you on horseback-"
"That's because I don't like to ride according to nowadays fashion, in a side-saddle. It's impossible, have you ever tried it? So I'm not used to ride when I have much chance to be seen. But as things are now, I'm afraid I'll have to reveal my riding habits."
"But the inn-keeper said his horses are rather wild; would it be wise to-" Darcy faltered.
"I've ridden on some of Sir William Lucas's most fiery horses, Mr. Darcy. I don't mean to boast, but I know how to ride," Elizabeth replied with her eyes cast down.
"So- that's why you need a wide dress," Darcy observed.
"Aye sir," she answered. Then the host called her to let her pick a dress, and while the horses were saddled she quickly changed.
Elizabeth walked towards the horses in an old-fashioned dress that belonged to the inn-keeper's wife. She gave Darcy a broad smile.
"I do look silly, I'm afraid, and I hope we will be at Longbourn before sunrise."
Before Darcy could have made an answer she had jumped on the horse without help. He was struck by her appearance once again. He didn't agree at all with her opinion of looking silly. The dress showed her waist very clearly and thus revealed her beautiful figure.
She spurred the horse softly to see exactly how wild it would be, and it set off at first touch.
"Elizabeth!"
As if struck by lightning she stopped the horse and looked back to Darcy. He had used her Christian name. He looked confused, as if her name had just fallen from his lips without his consent.
"Mr. Darcy," she solemnly said.
She looked him in the eye to seize his thoughts, but he looked away and mounted his horse.
"I'm ready, Miss Bennet."
"We can go then."
They left Northampton, at full speed at first, but when they were outside town, the road was too dark to proceed so fast. Any obstacle could cause a fall, so they slowed down.
There are several words to express a sensation of surprise, such as astonishment or amazement, but they hardly suit Mr. Darcy's feelings that arose from Miss Bennet's skill to ride a horse. He had not expected that any woman would be able to ride like this. The way she sat, the way she moved, the ease with which she guided the horse, proved she really was used to riding.
Now that they didn't race away, some conversation was possible.
"Miss Bennet, I can't believe you've learned to ride like this without ever having been seen."
"Oh, Sir William knows, but he was happy to have someone train his horses. I've done so since I was at about twelve. And of course, my father knows, but it is-, well, like a well-kept secret, sir. I wonder what you must think of me now-"
Elizabeth hadn't realized until that moment that betraying her secret might make him think worse of her. That he had seen her with her petticoat inches deep in mud when she came to Netherfield to see Jane was one thing, but that he saw her ride like a man, that must be a proof of her low connections, her poor education and a lack of elegance. Oh, why hadn't she thought of that?! It was her concern for Mr. Bennet and the immediate urge to be with him, that had made her forget how unbecoming it was not to use a side-saddle. But it could not be helped now; she was too late and had to face the results of her thoughtless actions.
Mr. Darcy wasn't sure what to say. His feelings were quite opposite to what she feared them to be. He couldn't tell her straight away that he loved her even more for her freedom of spirit, her independence of mind, that he esteemed her all the more for her courage to challenge the Establishment and have her own way. It was a virtue he lacked and thus admired, and yet, it was a vice, for it had been the means of ruining his own good chances of winning her hand last April.
Elizabeth misunderstood his silence and grew grave and silent. It was clear, she thought, that any hope she'd ever had of regaining his good opinion, had been in vain, now that he'd witnessed what kind of reckless woman she was.
Of course, Darcy wasn't aware of these musings and began to talk of the suitability of a horse by means of transport. Elizabeth's character, as we know, was such as to make the best of every situation, so she decided not to fret and tried to converse in an easy manner.
At about five-thirty they reached Longbourn. Elizabeth had grown more nervous with every step they came closer, and now was very anxious to see her father. She was about to descend her horse, when Darcy was there in front of her, offering his assistance. For one second he held her waist in his hands, and she had both her hands on his shoulders. Their eyes seemed to be glued to the other's. It didn't last more than a second, and yet it was as if time froze to eternity for an instant. Within just another moment, though, Elizabeth recollected herself and she thanked Darcy for his help and knocked on the door of her home.
Hill hurried to open the door, curious who would call at this time of day.
"Oh Miss Lizzy! How glad your father will be to see you!"
"Hill, how is he? Do you think I can see him right away, or is he asleep?"
"No Miss, you can go to him, he's been asking for you for so long, he'd be angry if I kept you away!"
"Oh, and please see to it that Mr. Darcy gets any refreshment he needs, will you, Hill?"
"Of course, of course I will, Miss Lizzy!"
Without thinking of Mr. Darcy any further, she rushed upstairs to see her father.
Mr. Bennet's illness, however, was not the only thing on Elizabeth's mind that following day. After some hours of sleep, which she definitely needed, she and all other inhabitants of Longbourn were roused by unexpected visitors. It was Colonel Forster and Lydia. The latter looked and acted like her silly self, but the Colonel had an air of melancholy about him. He was very disappointed when he found out Mr. Bennet was ill and unable to perform his paternal duties. So the Colonel had to call for Mrs. Bennet and her two eldest daughters, of whom he had a high opinion, to explain to them the motive of his coming to Longbourn.
It was soon told that Lydia had been caught during a very intimate intercourse with some of the officers, and it was doubtful whether this particular officer ever intended to marry her. But she was disgraced and the only way to save her honour, was to make the man marry her. Nevertheless, he had escaped as soon as he found out what Forster required from him, thus confirming all suspicions of never having planned to marry Lydia. Most shocking of all was the identity of this villain: it was- George Wickham!
By this revelations, Mrs. Bennet could no longer hold her poor nerves (though under the given circumstances we do understand what her poor nerves suffer) and Jane had to help her to her room and was doomed to sit with her for at least two hours. Elizabeth thanked Colonel Forster for his interference and they agreed on her rebuking Lydia, and finding a way to control her by calling the help of her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner.
Colonel Forster then took his leave, an express was sent to the Gardiners, and Elizabeth called for Lydia. Though she knew Lydia was hard to be worked on, she was determined to make her see the results of her thoughtless deeds. As it was best to keep the house as silent as possible- which was quite difficult because of the Gardiners' children running around- Elizabeth took Lydia for a walk. They walked towards the hermitage and stood near a wall. What neither Elizabeth nor Lydia knew, was that at the other side of the wall Mr. Darcy was enjoying some fresh air. He had understood something had gone wrong with the youngest Bennet-daughter, and was clever enough to suspect in what direction her missteps would have been. He decided it best to be in nobody's way, so he had looked for some spot to retire.
He was roused by two agitated voices. It didn't take him long to find out to whom belonged the somewhat raucous female voice, and the voice of Elizabeth he discerned at once, as people always discern the sound of their loved ones. Darcy did not mean to overhear, but when he heard the name of Wickham, he decided to commit this small crime of eavesdropping for once.
"Lydia, he never intended to marry you and I can't believe you've given yourself to him! You must realize what you have done and how irreversible the damage is!"
Elizabeth was furious, and Lydia's remarks only inflamed her anger.
"Lizzy, I know you fancied him, so I know that you're only jealous that dear Wickham preferred me to you."
"Indeed I did not fancy him, and I never will, but that is totally beside the point, Lydia! Your conduct has been highly reproachable and the only remedy is to find George Wickham and make him marry you. So that's why we must figure out where he fled to, and that marriage of which you are so convinced, must take place. Until that time, you are not to set a foot outside Longbourn, do you hear me?!"
"You don't have any right to give me orders, Lizzy, you're only jealous. You're only my sister, you have no authority to tell me what to do!"
"At this moment I have! Papa is ill, Mama too distressed to utter an intelligible syllable, and Jane supports them both, so I am to watch over you, and upon my word, you will do as I say."
It was a declaration that could not be misunderstood, and the authority in Elizabeth's manners made Lydia submit. She was vexed and began to wail, and ran off to the house. Elizabeth sighed deeply and sat down on a tree-stump, covering her face with her hands. The lack of sleep, the distress caused by her sick father and the consternation caused by Lydia's foolish deeds were too much for her. Tears began to fill her eyes as she stammered: "Oh dear Lord, help us!"
Darcy heard her sobs and had to control with all his might the sudden urge to run to her and take her in his arms for consolation. He was flabbergasted at the thoughtless and foolish acts of Lydia Bennet, shocked at Wickham's persistence in ruining honourable girls, and filled with emotions for the crying elder sister. Yet he couldn't go to her, for then he'd betray his presence and his not so gentlemanly act of eavesdropping.
That afternoon a message came from Netherfield, that its master had arrived and offered his lodgings to Mr. Darcy, so he'd be of no trouble for the Bennet family. Mr. Darcy left right away, and Elizabeth wasn't surprised at that.
"He must be glad to be away from me and my family, considering my vulgar behaviour in riding and Lydia's foolishness," she thought. "How he must congratulate himself on his escape!"
Elizabeth felt vexed, but there was so much to do and there were so many to ask for her attention that she soon gave up her repining.
The next day, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner arrived. They decided to leave for London with their children and Lydia, and Mr. Gardiner promised he'd search for Wickham till he'd find him.
"If we had known your father was so ill, we would have come back much sooner, Jane, to take the children away from Longbourn for his sake!" Mrs. Gardiner said to her eldest niece.
"Oh, they were as quiet as they could be, Aunt, and my father said their liveliness did him good, now that Lizzy wasn't there," Jane answered.
Lydia complained of course for not having anything to say on her departure. Leaving Brighton sure was a punishment, but "How can Wickham find me if I'm not at home?!"
"We'll find him, Lydia!" her uncle replied.
Elizabeth Bennet sat down on the bench near the river. It was her favourite spot, and whenever she had some time off, she'd at least spend a few minutes there. This was one of the rare occasions that she had some spare time. Not that she liked to be unoccupied, because it seemed her mind always wandered off and dwelled on memories she did not wish to remember. There comes a time that things that were pleasant and good will be remembered as such, but when memories are related to a person one has recently lost, the remembrance causes more pain than joy.
The loss of her beloved father every now and then caused an acute feeling of sorrow. The way things had turned out after he had passed away only added to the pain. She had never believed her cousin, Mr. Collins, to be able to turn the Bennet-family out of Longbourn. But he was, he had proved to be capable of it, within a month after Mr. Bennet's funeral.
Elizabeth knew Charlotte wasn't to blame for it, but their friendship nevertheless had suffered severely from this blow.
Elizabeth had been a governess for more than a year and a half now. She was too proud to live at the expense of her sister Jane, who had found the love of her life in Charles Bingley. Not long before Mr. Bennet's death he had finally declared her his love. Elizabeth was very happy for her, and is was a comfort to know their mother and unmarried sisters were well taken care of. But Elizabeth herself could not live with the idea that Mr. Bingley would have to spend half of his income to support his wife's family.
Lydia was saved from disgrace because somehow Wickham was found and unbelievable as it was (and Elizabeth suspected her uncle of having spend a lot of money to achieve this), had consented to marry her. But they had an income that was rather insufficient for their way of life. They needed assistance, for it was not likely either of them would learn to master economy and moderation.
As for herself, Elizabeth didn't need much, but she couldn't stand the thought that she'd be living on somebody else's money. She decided to be a governess, and with her uncle's help soon found a suitable position. She was to teach the two eldest children of Sir Christopher Hamilton, Earl of Lancastle and owner of the estate of Lancastle, a wonderful and immense property in Lancashire.
His eldest, Miss Victoria, was a plain but sweet creature, not excessively intelligent but eager to learn. The heir of Lancastle, Nicholas, was a handsome boy of twelve years, only a year younger than his sister. He had a good temper and adored his governess.
Although she was hired for the two eldest only, the younger children were in her care quite often as well. There were two boys, James and Oliver, and little Susannah was the youngest, being three years old.
Their mother was a selfish creature and hardly ever showed any affection for her offspring. Lady Hamilton was used to absolute and immediate obedience, and lived for her own pleasure alone. Elizabeth avoided her presence as much as possible, for she knew she was in danger of arousing Lady Hamilton's disapproval when she would speak her mind openly, as she mostly did.
The profession of governess pleased Elizabeth well enough. She had to read a lot herself in order to teach her pupils well. Her Latin, French and German had improved considerably, and she became quite skilled in playing the pianoforte. Victoria had a feeling for music and they both enjoyed their lessons a lot.
Sir Christopher was a decent, amiable man in his mid forties, who had a way with people, even his own wife. Even though she was such an egoistic person, there was some kind of happiness in their marriage, because Sir Christopher always seemed to be able to get the better of her.
Being in such superior company, Elizabeth had had to learn riding on a side-saddle, and after some practice she soon was almost as comfortable in it as in a man's saddle.
Her wages were quite high, and she always sent most of it to her mother and Mary and Kitty, who now lived in Purvis Lodge, near Meryton.
We'll return to our heroine on the bench near the river, enjoying the increasing warmth of the April sun. The weather had been remarkably fine, and the sunrays and fresh smells of nature were soothing.
Elizabeth unfolded Jane's latest letter again. She had to answer it today. She had to give up her former plan, and give in to Jane's begging. Elizabeth looked down the river and gave a deep sigh. It was so embarrassing...
When she had accepted the position here, she had begged all her relatives, even her mother (who most definitely didn't keep her promise), to assure her of their secrecy. She didn't want anyone of her former relations to know where she was and what she was doing. Her plea raised a few brows, but Jane and her Aunt Gardiner had soon understood what her main reason was. She didn't want him to know. Mr. Darcy must not know.
With Jane as an intermediary, Elizabeth had written to Georgiana once, for she felt bad about her non-kept promise of returning to Pemberley. She'd written that circumstances had prevented her from keeping her promise for as far as she could foresee now, but she assured Georgiana of her affection and asked for her understanding. Georgiana had sent her an answer (she sent it to Netherfield with the kind request to send it on to Elizabeth), which Elizabeth kept in her prayer book, forcing herself not to read it daily. It was too torturing, because Georgiana's letter was so loving and caring, that not having contact with her felt like the loss of a beloved sister. Still, due to her shame and pride, Elizabeth was resolved to keep her whereabouts a secret to both her and Mr. Darcy.
"If they knew," she tended to tell herself, "they would no longer wish to be acquainted with me, anyway."
At first, Mr. Darcy hadn't asked anyone about her. He was convinced he'd meet her again. But after some time he suspected the Bennet-family and Gardiners of deliberately concealing the whereabouts of Elizabeth Bennet. He tried to figure out why, and finally, a year after they had last seen each other, he came to understand that she had asked for their silence. Mrs. Gardiner diligently made known to him that her niece would be embarrassed when her position in life were known to the world.
Soon afterwards he became suspicious. Was it the world's opinion she was concerned about, or was it his?
Oh, how he blamed himself for ever relating to her that an alliance between them should be regarded as a highly reprehensible thing, because of her low connections! He now understood that these very words were the cause of her actions. And her wish of him not finding her had proved to be so fervent, that not even Bingley gave way to his arguments.
If only he knew she'd never care about him... But if she didn't, then why was she afraid of embarrassment? And yet, if she did care about him, why would she think it would be so much worse to try to provide for your relatives, than just have low connections?
Darcy had finally turned to Jane, and begged her to ask Miss Elizabeth's consent to make her lodgings known. He was perfectly open to Mrs. Bingley, knowing that would be best to have her yield.
"Jane, I cannot forget her. I must know why she doesn't want me to see her. If I am certain of her dislike of me, I'll have to cope with that, but as no one can ascertain me of any eternal dislike she might harbour towards me, I must find a way to talk to her. So I beg you, please, ask her to reconsider."
"I will, Mr. Darcy. I will."
"Thank you Jane. You know I've started a letter to her several times, planning to let you send it to her, but I never managed to find the right words."
Darcy looked at Jane intently.
"Jane, did she ever mention to you what happened in Hunsford?'
Jane, in spite of herself, blushed. That was enough of an answer already, but Jane had no wish to deny it, anyway, for she had come to know Mr. Darcy as a pleasant, amiable man, whom she held in high esteem, and they were on very friendly terms.
"She told me some of it."
"So you know I made her an offer of marriage. Even though I haven't seen her for so long, I cannot get her out of my mind. Do you think she still dislikes me?"
"I cannot tell. She hasn't been very open on this subject, not to anyone I'm afraid. But I don't think she feels exactly the same as she did. I will ask her as convincing as I can to permit me to tell you where she is, Mr. Darcy."
The letter which contained this request was on Elizabeth's lap now. She hadn't answered it for three weeks, though she usually wrote Jane on a weekly basis in the very least.
"I'd best be open with Jane and then ask her advice," Elizabeth said softly in the wind.
"Ah, there you are, Miss Bennet! I've been looking for you all around Lancastle!" a familiar voice said.
"Sir Christopher- " she replied somewhat startled, for only once before had anyone located her on her favourite spot, and that hadn't been a very pleasant meeting (have patience to find out what happened then!).
"There is something I must ask you, Miss Bennet. I know this afternoon is supposed to be all yours, but I must ask you a favour. Of course you'll get off some other day, but I'd be very pleased if you joined us in the house at three today. We have a guest whom I think will be bored to death if he has to be stuck with only my wife and I. Your lively company would mean very much to me today. It's a guest I have only recently met in London, though his family has been intimate with the Hamiltons a few generations ago. I do not recall what exactly happened ages ago, but our families haven't been on very good terms and it would be a very good thing if the families could be reconciled. So would you please come with me and add some spirit to the party?"
Elizabeth reluctantly agreed. The letter had to wait for yet another day.