Beginning, Section II
Jump to new as of July 1, 2001
Jump to new as of July 6, 2001
Elizabeth was, as we know, a very energetic person herself, and she willingly joined Miss Vicky and Master Nicholas in their sports. When she was sure no one else but the young Hamiltons were watching, she would lift her skirt a bit and win every race on foot, even when conquering Master Nick, who was quite sportive.
This afternoon Elizabeth's need to do some exercise felt almost like an urge. She had to get rid of her thoughts somehow, and winning from Nicholas seemed the perfect way to do so. In her eagerness to loose some energy, she forgot to look around to make sure no one was observing the corner of the garden they were in. It wasn't hard to be seen, for the path that led to the great house ran next to it, a little higher, providing an excellent view to both the grass and the flowers.
"You had the speed of two horses, Miss Lizzy!" Nicholas cried. "I couldn't catch up with you at all!"
Elizabeth turned around, laughing.
"You must practice more, if you ever want to win, Nicholas!"
"Well, let's do it again!"
"All right, but that'll be the last time. We'll need to recover some before we return to the house, or else we'll attend tea completely out of breath."
Victoria laughed and yelled: "I'm in!"
The three of them speeded away, unaware of the eyes of the man who just came up the lane in his coach, looking through its small window. He saw them run, saw who won and how both the winner and the boy fell down to the grass, laughing. The conifers that stood beside the lane soon impeded any further view, but the man had seen enough to sigh deeply, because his sorrowful heart once again remembered somebody. Whenever there was a person, a look, a situation, or even a single word that was in any way connected to this particular person, the memory of her caused this sting in his heart. Just like now. Running and then hitting the ground... it was just the thing for her. He shook his head to wipe the thought away.
"Not now..." he whispered almost inaudibly.
"I think I saw a carriage, Miss Lizzy. We must be heading for home."
"We will, Vicky. I'm afraid I'll have to change, with all this grass on my dress. I'm sorry, I make a poor governess, don't I? This is not ladylike at all!"
"If it isn't, I'll never marry a lady!" Nicholas stated.
Elizabeth and Victoria couldn't help but laugh.
"Miss Lizzy, I think you are the best of governesses!"
"Your mother would not agree," Elizabeth said softly.
They walked in the direction of the great house and once they reached it, got upstairs to make themselves suitable for an afternoon tea with this mysterious important guest. Elizabeth helped Victoria pick a dress, and Victoria insisted on advising Elizabeth in return. She chose a dress of peach silk.
"Hardly fit for tea, Miss Victoria!" Elizabeth smiled.
"But it becomes you so well and Papa wants us all to make the best of impressions. It can be used for tea, can it not?"
"Well, all right, I'll do as you say. But if anyone is to blame me, I'll charge you for it!"
Victoria replied she looked forward to handle anyone who'd dare blame her governess.
"Well, I think we both look just fine, Miss Vicky."
"I agree, Miss Lizzy," she solemnly replied, which made them both laugh again.
(I hope no one will take offense of the facts I just related, but they serve my purpose to point out the intimate relationship our heroine shared with her pupils.)
Nicholas met them in the staircase and gestured to Elizabeth he wanted to whisper something in her ear. She bowed her head a little and was told he thought her very beautiful. Elizabeth pretended to be shocked and said:
"Don't be too much of a flatterer, sir! I might wonder if you neglected your studies and want to appease me!"
Victoria giggled, Nicholas grinned, and Elizabeth acted as if she was most displeased, but before she knew her lips curved into a broad smile again. That smile froze in an instant though, when she beheld the great hall and the men standing in it, both watching them come down.
The visitor was no one but Mr. Darcy himself!
He looked stunned as well, yet he had seen her first and recovered sooner from the shock. It is impossible to reflect the thoughts that rushed through his mind the very instant he saw her. After all these months that she had been in his dreams, that so many questions were on his mind, that she was gone without leaving a trace... and there she was, well and alive, and as beautiful as ever. He could hardly believe it.
Sir Christopher wasn't aware of the turmoil that both his guest and Elizabeth had to deal with, when he introduced Mr. Darcy to his children and their governess.
"Mr. Darcy, these are my eldest daughter, Victoria, my son Nicholas, and their governess, Miss Elizabeth Bennet."
They had descended the stairs by that time, and with mighty effort Elizabeth managed to curtsey calmly, though she had a bewildered look on her face.
"Victoria, Nicholas, Miss Bennet, this is Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy."
Mr. Darcy bowed to Sir Christopher's children and then addressed Elizabeth.
"It's a great pleasure to meet you again, Miss Bennet!" he said as casual as possible.
"Why, you know each other then?!" Sir Christopher asked in surprise.
"Yes, Sir Christopher, I do have the honour to be acquainted with Miss Bennet. I hope you are in good health, Miss Bennet?"
Elizabeth almost felt dizzy. Her ability to speak seemed to have deserted her and all she could do was nod. Inside of her mind she cried "Oh what must he think now? Finding me here, a governess, not even able to give him a decent answer to a perfectly normal question?!"
"How wonderful," Sir Christopher continued, "and what a coincidence as well! And were was it that you've met?"
Mr. Darcy seemed all eloquence.
"We first met in Hertfordshire, about three years ago I think. And Miss Bennet has been my guest at Pemberley, with her aunt and uncle, from London. How are they, Miss Bennet? Have you by any chance heard from them lately?"
Elizabeth found her tongue and managed to form a reply.
"I heard from them some weeks ago, when my sister Jane mentioned them in her letter. They were in perfect health when she wrote me, so I expect them still to be so, thank you. And how is your sister, sir?"
She had only dared look Mr. Darcy in the eye for a very short moment, and cast down her eyes during the rest of her answer. Mr. Darcy on the other hand watched her all the time, still hardly able to grasp reality.
"Georgiana is in good health," he said. "I must tell you I'm delighted to see you again, Miss Bennet!"
She felt a reply would be necessary now, so she uttered a soft "Thank you sir."
Sir Christopher wrapped his hands with glee. This was a happy coincidence indeed. It suited his hopes for reconciliation very well. He led his eldest children, their governess and his guest to the parlour, where tea was served.
Elizabeth didn't know Darcy had the feeling he was rattling away in order to focus on other things than his almost irrepressible desire to look at none but Elizabeth.
Elizabeth tried to keep her mind coherent somehow. To make things worse, Sir Christopher was praising her abilities to the skies. To him, that seemed the perfect way to make Mr. Darcy feel at home. But to Elizabeth it meant being the centre of attention, a position which she wanted to avoid most of all. Victoria was no help at all, either.
"Miss Elizabeth is the best governess we've ever had, isn't she, Nick?"
"She sure is!" her brother eagerly replied. "I even enjoy those dull literature lessons. And I think she's the prettiest governess I've ever seen, don't you, Mr. Darcy?"
"I agree," Darcy said muffled.
"And you should hear Miss Elizabeth play the pianoforte, sir!" Victoria added.
Darcy looked at Elizabeth. "I should dearly love to hear her play, Miss Victoria."
"Indeed, we must arrange that," Sir Christopher suggested.
"You--you must play yourself, Miss Victoria," Elizabeth faltered.
"Oh, I will, and we can play together as well."
Although she didn't feel at ease, time passed more quickly once she was seated behind the instrument. Due to her hours of practice she was quite good, and the knowledge of that made her more confident. Performing wouldn't put her to shame, and as a matter of fact she'd be willing to do anything to lessen her sense of shame. No matter what Mr. Darcy might think of her, hearing her play and sing wouldn't change his opinion for worse. Which, of course, it didn't.
Elizabeth was very relieved to be on her own again after tea. She was dressing for dinner, but her mind was too distracted to pick something suitable. Nothing would suit, anyway. How was she to cope with the presence of the very man she had been avoiding for almost two years? Before she had even had the guts to give Jane permission to reveal her residence, he had just shown up. Was it possible that he hadn't known at all she was here? Was it truly a coincidence? But what else could it be? Had he been trying to find her, he would have found her much earlier. Yet there was also the possibility that he respected her too much to overlook her explicit wishes to remain unfound. If that were the case, their meeting was a most extraordinary coincidence, indeed.
However, she had to get dressed, she had to face him again. She didn't know if she welcomed or regretted the presence of the Hamiltons. They caused some diversion, and yet seemed determined to draw his attention to her. This supper, the little children would join them. The thought of this somehow gave Elizabeth more strength. She would stick to them, and thus be able to avoid too much conversation. She was quite certain the turmoil inside of her would make her give some silly answers. Better be occupied by attending to the little ones.
Elizabeth finally picked a pale yellow dress, nothing out of the common, and Hannah did her hair just like always. A small necklace completed her toilet and with new courage Elizabeth went down to meet the others.
Mr. Darcy and sir Christopher were not there yet, but the children were. Oliver climbed on her lap but was called back by his mother, who thought it an improper action for a boy of five years old. Elizabeth had been at Lancastle long enough to know it was no use protesting, yet she reluctantly had Susannah crawl in the place where her brother had just been. It seemed somewhat unfair, but it could not be helped. She smiled at Oliver.
For the second time that day, which this morning had seemed to be nothing but an ordinary Tuesday, her smile froze on her lips. Sir Christopher had entered the room, sided by Mr. Darcy and a third man. A man she didn't wish to see, and definitely not now, of all moments!
It was Andrew Hamilton, Sir Christopher's younger brother.
Andrew Hamilton was a restless man, though good-natured and intelligent.
When Elizabeth arrived at Lancastle, he was only recently engaged to Miss Mary Carteret, the noble daughter of Sir George and Lady Penelope from Weston Hall, Staffordshire. It was universally regarded as a most prudent match for the younger son of an Earl, and Mr. Hamilton knew he was lucky to win Miss Carteret's hand, even though she was quite a plain, nay, unattractive creature.
And then he met Elizabeth. Even though she was not as vivid and witty as usual, because of her grief over Mr. Bennet, she unknowingly -and had she known, most unwillingly- made a huge impression on Mr. Hamilton. Because he was an engaged man, Elizabeth hadn't even given it a thought that he might fall in love with her, and she was thus unaware of any spell she might throw on him. The possibility of it never even occurred to her, for the principles that she had been taught were that a man could only belong to one woman.
And Mr. Hamilton belonged to Miss Carteret.
We must not think Mr. Hamilton was an unsteady man, for when he realized his heart did not remain untouched by Miss Bennet's charms, he pondered gravely, weighing his motives for marrying Miss Carteret, and his feelings for Miss Bennet. The outcome of his mental struggles resolved in his determined decision that he would marry for love, not for convenience.
He had known Elizabeth for two months, during which he hadn't seen his fiancée even once. When Miss Mary Carteret came to visit Lancastle, the difference between her and Elizabeth was so evident, that Mr. Hamilton had made up his mind within half an hour. He wanted to break his engagement with Miss Carteret.
Elizabeth had gone out next morning, so Mr. Hamilton went in search of her. It took him quite a while to find her. She had seated herself on the place we already know as her favourite: the bench near the river that run through the Lancastle-property.
It was almost October and the leaves had begun to fall. Elizabeth felt so forlorn, being far away from her family, and feeling this acute pain of the loss of her father again. And then of course there was this matter of a certain person from Derbyshire, which tended to fill her with melancholy every now and then.
The full perfume of humus and the forest in fall made her relax a little and seemed to provide some consolation. She sighed deeply and watched a leaf as it ran down the river in its gentle stream, and had no idea there was a pair of eyes following her every movement.
All of a sudden, Mr. Hamilton was down on his knees before her. It is not hard to imagine her astonishment at the very sight of him, let alone at his unusual behaviour.
"Sir, what do you mean by kneeling in front of me?!" she asked in great discomfort.
Mr. Hamilton grabbed her hand, but she reluctantly withdrew it, raising her brow in utter amazement.
"Mr. Hamilton?" she cried, with great alarm in her voice.
"Miss Bennet-," he commenced, "You must allow me to express my feelings for you-"
Elizabeth had jumped to her feet by this time, feeling an urge to run away. She interrupted him, although that might be rude at such an anxious moment, but she could not allow him to speak and say what should not be said.
"Mr. Hamilton, I must urge you to keep your silence. Whatever it is you want to say, your hand already belongs to someone else!"
With a deep frown she stepped further back from him.
"My hand perhaps, but not my heart!" cried he. "I will break the engagement with Miss Carteret, for I love none but you, Miss Bennet. You are the most beautiful, most wonderful woman I've ever met, and I admire you endlessly. I have only one wish left to make my happiness complete, and that is that you consent to be my bride, Miss Bennet, and honour my-"
"Stop it!! Stop it, sir! I don't want to hear another word!" Elizabeth interrupted him once again. "How dare you speak in such a way, while you are engaged to Miss Carteret, who is present at Lancastle at this very instant! Do you think I would be tempted to accept the hand of a man who is already engaged to someone else? If your character is as unsteady as it proves to be now, then what would become of me, if I ever considered to accept you? What if a more beautiful lady comes along, or a more accomplished one? How dare you even think of deceiving your bride?! It's bad enough already, that you, a rich man yourself, marry her for nothing but her rank and money, and it shows your greed, and contempt for her feelings. Do you think I will ever believe you will be able to gratify mine?! You are the most undeserving man I ever met, Mr. Hamilton!"
Elizabeth was furious and forgot any sense of propriety. She had coloured deeply and her eyes almost spat fire. While she spoke, Mr. Hamilton had slowly raised and opened his mouth every now and then to defend himself, but Elizabeth left no empty second in her torrent of words. When she was finished at last, he immediately took the opportunity and spoke at once.
"Miss Bennet, I beg you to listen to me. I perfectly understand your feelings and they do you credit, but I rushed into this engagement with Miss Carteret, I really thought it was a good thing to do. Yet then I hadn't met you! And really, honestly, I sincerely meant no harm to Miss Carteret, but now that I know you, I know I cannot give Miss Carteret the love she deserves, for I don't love her the way I love you. I never loved like this before! I didn't know, but this betrothal was a mistake, Miss Bennet, it was a mistake. Please, let me convince you, please let me make you see that I will be true to you, if you'll have me."
Elizabeth maintained silent like a stone, but her eyes betrayed the storm of anger she felt inside.
"Miss Bennet, how can I prove you my heart is constant?!"
"Nothing so difficult, Mr. Hamilton," Elizabeth replied.
"Marry Miss Carteret."
Then Elizabeth started to run away from him, unable to bear his company any longer. It was outrageous, incredible, intolerable!
Mr. Hamilton ran after her, though she yelled at him to stay away from her. He was quite surprised at her speed, but being a man, was able to keep up with her. Yet there was nothing that could be done, this he realized clearly. When he noticed that Elizabeth was crying, he slowed down.
"I- I apologize, Miss Bennet-" he stammered. "I am truly sorry. I- I should not -"
Elizabeth stopped running for one moment, turned around and replied: "Indeed you should not!"
Then she hurried off again, leaving Mr. Hamilton devastated. With tears running down her cheeks she reached the great house, and then tried to compose herself. She needed some time to recover, or else she was sure being asked questions she didn't want to provide an answer to. It seemed so ridiculous. Some women long for a proposal of a wealthy man all their lives and yet never receive one, and here she was, having rejected the third man in a year, and all of them wealthy.
Half an hour of solitary strolling though tranquilized her enough to dare enter into the house.
Mr. Hamilton left the same day, and so did Miss Carteret. Later, Elizabeth heard he had broken the engagement all the same. Not that it would change a thing for her.
This, readers, was a faithful narrative of Elizabeth's dealings with Mr. Hamilton.
Dwelling on this subject though was something she dreaded, for it tended to end at the same place every time. The place of Derbyshire...The name she tried to ban from her mind and soul haunted her, appeared whenever she paid no attention, came to her just before she entered sleep, or just before she really woke up.
Darcy.
And with the name, the questions began to pour, the "what-if" and "suppose-that" questions. And she couldn't deal with them. She'd end up restless and confused, pushing all things related to this back to the subconscious parts of her mind, where it would stay just to wait for a chance to prey upon her again.
Now that April had come, her hope run high that with the arrival of a new spring, the memories would have faded, just like thinking of her father now caused pleasure along with the pain of missing him, for her memories were sweeter now that the sorrow no longer cut like a knife, but seemed more bearable.
Then Jane wrote her letter, popping the question if Elizabeth was willing to permit her to tell Mr. Darcy where she was. And before she had even answered that, he just showed up! Surely this was too much to handle!
Then imagine the storm that rushed inside our heroine, the moment she sat in the parlour, dressed for dinner, with little Miss Susannah on her lap, when she beheld Mr. Andrew Hamilton, walking a few steps away from Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Elizabeth grew so pale, that had she pronounced herself to be ill, everybody would have believed it. And indeed her physic state bordered on illness the moment she spotted the two men she had rejected with such saucy speeches.
Darcy and Hamilton, as well as Sir Christopher noticed her white face. Sir Christopher was the only one who had no notion at all of its cause, so he innocently came to her, concerned and friendly.
"Are you all right, Miss Bennet? You look quite pale! Susie, get of Miss Bennet's lap, she is not well," he ordered his youngest child.
"No, I'm fine sir," Elizabeth replied, but her quivering voice betrayed the fact that she wasn't really telling the truth.
"Can I get you something for you present relief, Miss Bennet?" Mr. Darcy offered, and he was not merely being polite, but also genuinely worried.
To allow herself some moments without the presence of at least one of the sources of her discomfort, Elizabeth asked him a glass of water. He left the room to find a servant, and Mr. Hamilton, who had had the sense to stand a little aloof till then, approached carefully.
"Miss Bennet, I hope you are doing fine?" he asked with great concern in his eyes.
"I think I am, Mr. Hamilton. If you don't mind I will remain seated for an instant, for I feel a little faint. It must be hunger-" Elizabeth said, and to her amazement it all sounded perfectly natural.
"Of course, Miss Bennet, take your time, do not trouble yourself. And by the way, you look wonderful all the same," Mr. Hamilton said. But then he suddenly felt awkward to address her, so when James and Oliver demanded his attention he stepped away and was or pretended to be occupied with his nephews.
Mr. Darcy returned with a servant right behind him, carrying a jug of water and a glass on a tray. Darcy handed the glass of water to Elizabeth himself, thanking the servant. His civility struck Elizabeth, and she was thankful for the refreshment, for it indeed made her feel a little better.
Sir Christopher told Victoria to ring the bell for dinner, "for we should eat before anyone faints!" he added, laughingly.
The atmosphere was somewhat tense during dinner. All males present guessed about the reason for this tenseness. Sir Christopher thought it was to blame on the fact that Darcy and Hamilton had never met before. Mr. Hamilton understood his sudden appearance was shocking for Miss Bennet. Darcy was somewhat puzzled that Miss Bennet appeared so uncomfortable (she had been more relaxed this afternoon), and Lady Hamilton didn't notice any tenseness at all.
But only Elizabeth had a clue to the real sources of her discomfort. How was she supposed to act normally under these circumstances?
It was in the course of dinner that Sir Christopher began to suspect there was more the matter than he was aware of. Elizabeth barely spoke a word and seemed somewhat preoccupied, and both Hamilton and Darcy treated her with the utmost forbearance, that gave cause for suspicion. Why on earth was this witty, lively and quite self-assured governess so shy and silent?!
Elizabeth made a final resolve to stop thinking and just breathe in and breathe out. She decided to pay attention to her pupils most of the time, which was what she was hired for in the first place. In her present state of confusion, she wanted the guests to leave as soon as possible, but somehow she felt there was little chance of that.
Indeed, Mr. Darcy had not the least intention of leaving Lancastle. His feelings were a mixture of sheer happiness, hope and determination to win this woman once and for all, or, if she didn't love him, let her be forever and suffer from his heartbreak for the rest of his life. But her attitude towards him nearly two years ago had not ascertained him of any steadfast disregard, so he allowed himself to hope that he might win her heart with polite perseverance.
He wasn't discouraged by the fact that she had seemed to avoid him during that time that her youngest sister married George Wickham, for he knew (from overhearing her conversation with Lydia in the garden at that time) she had believed his testimony of Wickham's true being, and thus he had understood that she was mortified to have this villain as a brother-in-law. Besides, her father was ill then, and his condition soon got worse. Her eagerness to leave Pemberley so she could be with her father, had proved to be a prudent thing, for there had not been much time left.
Mr. Bennet had been buried only a fortnight after her return, on a rainy day, as if heaven was weeping for the loss of her so beloved father. Darcy attended the funeral, but he kept his distance. He was not even sure if Elizabeth had noticed his presence.
Wickham and Lydia got married a few days after their affair was discovered. Hardly a soul knew how Wickham was found, but the main point was that he married Lydia. For as far as Elizabeth knew, their wedding took place in London, without parents or sisters, and with only her Aunt and Uncle at her side. But given the cause of this wedding, and Mr. Bennet's state, that was hardly surprising.
Charles Bingley had been able to ask Mr. Bennet for the hand of Jane, a few days before his death.
Mr. Collins had proved himself heartless enough to follow Lady Catherine's advice and helped Mrs. Bennet and her daughters "to forget their sorrow by letting them search for a new home, as well as assist them in their attempts to forget Mr. Bennet, once they live in new surroundings, outside the very walls that will provide memories of him all the time, -and everyone knows too much grief causes wrinkles."
For Bingley, this had been a reason to marry Jane soon. Within two months she was the very worthy Mistress of Netherfield.
Darcy wanted to help the family with all his heart, but at the same time he knew his presence wasn't really what they were waiting for. In order to prevent any suspicion of mockery or contempt on his side, he had not forced himself unto them. Later he wondered if it had been wrong to retreat, for when he tried to contact Miss Bennet, she had disappeared without leaving a trace. Both Charles and Jane knew where she was, yet they obeyed her request to conceal her present home.
First, Darcy decided to grant her wish and hoped to meet her at Netherfield some day. Charles had promised to let him know immediately if she were to visit Mrs. Bingley. But she never did. Jane had been to her twice, and Darcy knew they had a very frequent correspondence, but not a single time did she visit Netherfield or her mother.
Darcy grew more desperate with every month that passed by. How was he to prove he was the perfect gentleman if he never got around Elizabeth?! So he begged Jane to ask her sister's permission to reveal her hiding place (as it really seemed to be).
He had waited in Netherfield for her answer for two weeks, but when no letter came, he had left for London all the same. Mrs. Bingley had promised him to write him as soon as she had a reply from her sister.
In London, Darcy happened to be introduced to the Earl of Lancastle, Sir Christopher Hamilton, who had been delighted to make his acquaintance, because the Darcys and the Hamiltons used to be on friendly terms, before there was some fight between their ancestors about the love of a beautiful lady (who choose the Hamilton by the way). All contact had ended ever since, but Sir Christopher was most eager to renew the friendship between the two families. Darcy was invited to Lancashire, and as he thought it a welcome change of scene and society, he accepted.
Never in his wildest dreams had he hoped that she was there, a governess at Lancastle.
Was fate in his favour? He was resolute to find out.
Being a keen observer, Darcy found out within half an hour that Andrew Hamilton was more than commonly interested in Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He looked at her a great deal and tried to get her attention several times, though mostly in vain. Darcy would love to have Elizabeth's attention himself, but he saw she wasn't very comfortable and decided it best to give her some time to get used of having him around. But Mr. Hamilton didn't give her such time. He wanted her to see he still cared, and hoped the fact that he had been alone ever since he broke up with Miss Carteret, was good evidence of his steady heart.
After his last intercourse with Miss Bennet, Mr. Hamilton had run straight to Miss Carteret's room and released her and himself of their vows. He found it hard to do, but was positive it had to be done. Of course, Miss Carteret was in tears and suffered from this sudden end to her engagement, that had lasted so very shortly. Mr. Hamilton was distressed as well, for various reasons. Her parents, his own brother, society as a whole, all were quite shocked by his actions. And he knew they had the right to be so, yet he felt like he hadn't had a choice. Marrying Miss Carteret while being in love with Elizabeth was impossible to do. He secluded himself in Benwick Hall, and didn't receive anyone for a year. His brother wrote him every now and then, and when he once mentioned Elizabeth being so wonderful and yet unmarried, Mr. Hamilton hoped he might still have a chance. Why wouldn't she look for another man? Was it because she did love him after all? Can we blame him for drawing conclusions that to our perceptive views are not justified at all? I think we cannot, and we must allow him to search for his luck. That's what he did, when he planned an unexpected visit to Lancastle in April.
We already know he happened to arrive on the very same day as Mr. Darcy. The gentlemen didn't have the faintest idea that their goal was the very same as well, though one came with that purpose alone, whereas the other seemed led here by Fate. They both wanted to win the heart of the governess of Miss Victoria and young Master Nicholas. As I already mentioned, their approach of winning her was very different though. Mr. Darcy didn't speak so much and spent most of the time in conversation with Sir Christopher and his eldest children. Mr. Hamilton showered Elizabeth with compliments, on her hair, her dress, her tan, her work with the young Hamiltons. His flattery seemed without end, but he failed to see that its receiver wasn't that eager to obtain such praise. When this first dinner with these two men she had once rejected was over, Elizabeth excused herself to Sir Christopher and his guests, due to a headache she didn't even fake. She truly felt miserable.
Next morning, Elizabeth rose early and got dressed for a walk around Lancastle. She wasn't needed until nine, and as it was only seven o'clock she decided to go for a ride, having plenty of time to go where she pleased without being missed. She headed for the stables and chose one of the finest horses, and placed a side-saddle on its back.
"Why don't I take a man's saddle, only this once?" she said to herself. "No one will see me anyway."
The fear of being caught on a man's saddle was too strong though, so she didn't replace the side-saddle after all. It would have been great... When was the last time she'd ever done so? She never had since...since that frantic night, when she had travelled with Mr. Darcy to return to Longbourn. What an experience that had been! Beside the dread she felt because of her father's illness, and beside the shame that had fallen upon her ever since she realized Mr. Darcy knew her secret way of horseback riding, she actually had enjoyed the adventure an awful lot. But now she'd best not expose herself to ridicule once again. She climbed in the side-saddle with a sigh. She thought about Jane's letter while starting off. So Mr. Darcy had wanted to find her. That might mean he really didn't change his opinion of her for worse, not even after learning about her very unladylike habits. Could it be that he would still be interested in her? Well, any interest must soon be gone, now that he found out she is a governess, in service of the Earl of Lancastle. Won't it?
One day in his presence didn't tell her what to think. He seemed genuinely surprised to find her here, and she believed his surprise to be real, for hadn't he told her himself that disguise of every sort was his abhorrence? She sighed. Why on earth did Mr. Hamilton show up at exactly the same Tuesday? He hadn't been at Lancastle ever since that dreadful morning. And though he had called of his engagement with Miss Carteret that very same morning, Elizabeth was certain she'd never want him as a husband. Good gracious, why was it all so complicated?
The fresh spring air was soothing, and so was the cadence of the horse, that delighted in its early exercise and run like a lion in chase when she wanted it. Slowly, Elizabeth relaxed a little, and allowed the wind to take away her grieve and shame somewhat. Indeed, she felt much better when she returned to the stables, and knew her ride had been quite wholesome, an excellent idea!
In a story such as this, a heroine is bound to meet a hero when she goes for an early ride in April. We'll allow Mr. Darcy to walk around the estate for that purpose then. When Elizabeth had reached the path to the pond, she saw him. She knew it was him in a split second, and there was no way to turn and escape, for he had already seen her. And strangely enough, Elizabeth didn't really want to avoid him. He knew all embarrassing facts about her already, anyway.
"Good morning, Mr. Darcy," she greeted him.
"It sure is a good morning, Miss Bennet. I hope you are feeling better than last night?"
"Indeed I am, sir, thank you."
For some moments, silence fell between them. There seemed to be nothing to say, and yet there was so much to be said. Darcy was the first to speak and asked if he could escort her to the stable, where she was obviously heading for.
"Of course," Elizabeth said, "but I will descend then, that will ameliorate conversation."
She smiled to Mr. Darcy, who reached out his arms to help her descend the beautiful horse. She accepted his help and straightened her dress.
"Thank you, sir."
"You're most welcome, Miss Bennet."
They looked at each other for a short moment. Again, Darcy was the first who spoke.
"Miss Bennet, did you receive Mrs. Bingley's letter in which she asked you if I could know where you were?"
"I did- I haven't answered it yet." Elizabeth smiled faintly, knowing the question of Jane no longer needed a reply.
"Miss Bennet, I wanted to speak to you. First of all to give you my personal condolences for the loss of your father. It may seem a little late, but I never got the chance to do so."
"Thank you, Mr. Darcy."
"It must have been hard for you, to loose him so soon, and quite unexpected."
They were silent for a while again. Then Elizabeth boldly asked him: "-Did you know I was here, sir, before you came to Lancastle?'
"I didn't have the faintest idea, Miss Bennet. I was most pleasantly surprised to find you here. I-" Here Darcy faltered, throwing a quick glance at Elizabeth's face. Their eyes met and somehow he found the strength to proceed, pushing aside his fear of ruining this opportunity.
"I wonder, Miss Bennet, why you- why you didn't want anyone -me- to know where you stay."
"I felt awkward, ashamed even, sir. I am a servant now and-"
"A governess can hardly be called a servant!" he interrupted her, but then he immediately held his tongue, remembering his vow to be gentlemanlike.
"Well, maybe not. But being turned out of one's own house, and then living at the expense of one's sister- I just couldn't. And I didn't want to humiliate my family by working anywhere near Meryton, so I left Hertfordshire."
"I see. I do understand. But I want you to know that no one who has the privilege of knowing you would think it beneath you to make your own living, especially under the given circumstances. Besides, the profession of a governess is a very noble, important one, indeed, Miss Bennet."
"Perhaps you're right, sir."
"I hope you don't mind that I happened to come here, which was a most unexpected coincidence."
"Not at all sir. I was quite surprised, of course."
"I can easily understand that!"
Darcy dared look at her more openly now. His heart sang, now that he learned her reasons for keeping her residence a secret. What he had feared most, -that she wished to avoid him because she was still convinced of his proud character,- had not been the case! She had just been ashamed, even too proud herself perhaps.
Elizabeth felt more and more at ease, for it dawned to her that he didn't hold her in contempt. What was it he'd said? Noble and important? She felt her courage rise, and though neither was aware of it, her heart began to sing as well, and I reckon had heart songs been audible, theirs were perfectly in tune.
It is my sad duty to inform my readers of the fact that, at the moment they had reached the stables, they were met by Mr. Andrew Hamilton.
Meredith, the old nanny, said she wanted to take the children outside, but because of her sore back she wasn't able to pick up the toys.
"I'll call a servant for that job," she said.
"Oh, let me do it," Elizabeth readily offered. "I don't mind."
"That's kind of you, Miss Lizzy!"
The children left with their nanny, and Elizabeth began to gather all the pieces of the puzzle, collected the books, the bricks, the dolls. On her knees, gently singing a lullaby, she was so occupied that she didn't hear the footsteps of a gentleman, approaching the nursery room.
Mr. Darcy walked in the direction of a sound that recalled a most pleasant memory: that of a singing Miss Bennet. Darcy was drawn to the sound of her voice like a moth to a flame. The door of the nursery was open and when he stood on the doorstep, he found Elizabeth on the ground, gathering toys that were spread all over the carpet. She didn't notice him and kept on singing. Darcy was aware of it that he should make his presence known immediately, but hesitated since he was afraid to startle her.
Yet he cleared his throat.
Elizabeth looked up at once, surprised and a little confused. She jumped to her feet in no time with a glimpse of a smile around her lips, for she pictured herself how she must have looked and was sure it must have been a funny sight.
"I apologize on intruding on you, Miss Bennet. I hope I didn't scare you?"
"I didn't expect anyone, sir, but that doesn't mean you're unwelcome," she replied.
To her amazement Mr. Darcy knelt down and began to complete a puzzle. He looked up at her, smiling.
"So that's what you do, lay puzzles and read nursery rhymes!" he joked.
Elizabeth laughed and continued to clear the room as well, saying "Well, it is a most refreshing occupation, Mr. Darcy. It frees the mind from sorrow and provides some exercise for the body as well." She reached under the rocking horse for some fallen toy. Darcy noticed the well known sparkling in her eyes, and realized how much he was still in love with her.
Once again, they were interrupted in a most promising conversation by Mr. Hamilton.
"There's a letter arrived for you, Miss Bennet," he began before reaching the doorstep. He startled at the sight of Darcy and Elizabeth, on their knees and obviously enjoying themselves. Elizabeth got to her feet, eager to know who had written her. Mr. Hamilton handed her the letter.
"It's from Jane!" she exclaimed. "Gentlemen, will you please excuse me?"
Darcy had stood up as well. "Of course, Miss Bennet," he said, and Hamilton added "Certainly."
Elizabeth headed for her room. She unfolded the letter and read as follows:
"My dearest Elizabeth,Since I haven't heard from you for some weeks, I will not await my turn. I must let you know how I feel about Mr. Darcy. Beside my Charles, he's the best man I've ever known, and I think you should write me, the moment you finish reading this letter if possible, to permit me to tell him you reside in Lancastle.
I have most pressing evidence to relate to you, that is bound to convince you of his incredible generosity and his good heart. Only yesterday I learned that not our uncle, as we've always believed, has found (and probably bribed!) Mr. Wickham to marry Lydia, but that it was the sole doing of Mr. Darcy! Lydia happens to stay here at Netherfield, and when telling about her wedding day (a subject that she likes to dwell on for ages), mentioned Mr. Darcy's presence there. He had pressed her to conceal his actions on that matter, but now that it is so long ago, our silly sister didn't consider herself bound to that promise anymore. I do forgive her, though, since I am convinced these facts will help you find the strength to overcome whatever shame you might feel to give me permission to tell Mr. Darcy where you are.
Dearest Lizzy, if he managed to go through such mortification (and I'm sure he spared no expenses) to save our sister, who was nothing to him, and thus our whole family, then you cannot regard your own feelings of shame, can you? If he did not think it beneath him to be Wickham's best man, in spite of his well-founded dislike of the man, then do you really think he'll hold it against you that you provide for your own living? I know you well enough to be sure you're no such simpleton, Miss Elizabeth Bennet!
Now put aside my letter and write me at once, dearest Lizzy. I think Mr. Darcy thinks very highly of you, and being the perfect gentleman that he has proved to be, he deserves a chance to see you! Do write, Lizzy!
Yours most affectionately,
Jane Bingley."
Halfway this letter, Elizabeth's mouth had fallen open, and only when she had finished she remembered to shut it again. This was too much! Why on earth hadn't her Aunt ever told her about this?! For she must have known not her husband but Mr. Darcy laid down a considerable amount of money to save Lydia Bennet.
Elizabeth sat down at her writing table and immediately wrote Jane, telling her no permission was necessary for Fate had decided to give a hand in this matter, and expressing her great surprise at what Jane had related to her about Mr. Darcy's presence at Wickham's wedding. She also told Jane about the most inconvenient arrival of this other man, whose proposal she'd never mentioned to anyone before, but on this afternoon of revelations, she could no longer conceal what had happened. After the letter to Jane she wrote her Aunt, requiring an explanation for never having been informed of the facts she had just learned from Jane.
We will let Elizabeth write her letters in peace, and see how Darcy and Hamilton are doing.
Andrew Hamilton was completely unaware of Darcy's feelings for Miss Bennet, and assumed he was just an old friend. Thus he drew the conclusion Darcy might be of help to him. Being able to claim a longer acquaintance with Miss Bennet, Darcy might help him secure her affections.
Hamilton's scheme was that Darcy would speak of him with warmest praise and recommendation. And as Darcy seemed a pleasant man to Hamilton, he didn't even doubt his cooperation.
He had come after Darcy to ask for his assistance, and the letter of Mrs. Bingley assured him Miss Bennet would be occupied, so he could speak his mind freely.
"Mr. Darcy, I don't mean to sound impertinent, knowing you hardly a day, but I've already come to like you and was hoping you could do me a small favour."
Since the day Darcy had been so manifestly informed of his lack of civility, he was always willing to lend a hand, even to strangers, so he invited Hamilton to proceed.
"Well, before I acquaint you with the nature of my request, I must tell you what happened when Miss Bennet only just arrived at Lancastle."
As Hamilton unfolded his past, Darcy began to dread hearing his request, growing more and more suspicious that its nature might not be harmless to him, and he would by no means endanger his own chances of happiness in any way. Hamilton's plan was heading in the very direction he was afraid of, though, and this was how the plea was formulated:
"If you speak about me to her, telling her you think I'm as agreeable a fellow as was ever seen, and that you never heard a bad word about me, and - well, whatever comes in your mind to praise my integrity and reliability,- then she might be convincible of the constancy of my heart, and understand that my engagement to Miss Carteret was nothing but a slight mistake, that ought to be overlooked."
Darcy didn't loose a moment and immediately replied.
"Sir, I thank you for the honour of confiding in me. Were it any other young lady in the world, I would have boasted on your good character, but in this case I'm afraid you have come to the wrong man."
Hamilton looked baffled.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Need I be more specific?!"
"Sir, you cannot mean that you are in love with Miss Bennet?!"
Darcy looked at Hamilton before he answered, his face bearing witness to his feelings so that in fact, an answer was superfluous.
"Indeed, I am, Mr. Hamilton."
Darcy recalled a similar situation, in his library in Pemberley. His opponent at that time had forbearingly wished him luck. Looking at his present rival though, he knew he would definitely need some luck, for Hamilton looked devastated at first, but then his countenance expressed anger.
"It is no sin to be in love with Elizabeth Bennet, Mr. Hamilton, and you must not hold it against me. Miss Bennet is not the kind of person who will choose a partner for life without loving him, so we can not but let her heart decide. She might as well choose neither of us."
Hamilton was not so easily reconciled.
"You should have made me hold my tongue, Darcy, so I would never have confessed my entire heart to you!"
"You forget that when you started, I did not know the nature of your request."
With an angry look at Darcy, Hamilton turned around and left the nursery room.
"Now I need your luck more than ever, Fitzwilliam," Darcy whispered, and then noticed he had still a piece of the puzzle in his hand. He knelt down again to finish it, but with a burdened heart this time.
Several days passed, and though Elizabeth tried to find a private moment with Mr. Darcy in order to thank him for his kind actions concerning Mrs. Wickham, Mr. Hamilton attempted to prevent any tête-à-tête between them with all his might, and with success.
Elizabeth grew weary of having Hamilton as a shadow behind her, and she grew suspicious too, that he was attempting to get Darcy out of her way, though she couldn't understand why.
When both Hamilton and Darcy were at Lancastle for the sixth day, she desperately wanted to escape from the former, and hoped she could do so by accompanying Meredith at an outing with the young ones. She deliberately concealed her plans, and run off when she thought herself unnoticed. Darcy's eyes were almost glued to her though, so he saw her depart, and was able to retrieve some information from a servant.
"Miss Meredith usually takes the children to the pond, sir, for a picnic. You can go there on horseback," the servant told him, and having observed the events of the last few days, he added: "and if you take the path through the forest, you can remain unseen until you arrive there, if you wish sir."
"Thank you."
Darcy slipped away to the stables, but unfortunately, Hamilton, who was in a bad temper on having missed Elizabeth's leave, discovered his absence very soon, and angrily sought a servant as well, and was informed of the outing to the pond.
Shortly after Darcy had left the stables, Hamilton jumped on a horse as well, but he didn't bother to go through the woods. He took the shortest way to the pond.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Meredith had found a nice spot to spend some time with James, Oliver and Susie. Elizabeth felt quite relaxed and played a game with the boys, enjoying the sunshine and the absence of "her shadow".
All of a sudden, she was aroused by an hysterical cry, apparently coming from Meredith.
"SUSIE!!"
In a wink's time Elizabeth saw what had happened. Two hundred yards away, Susie had fallen in the pond!
In cases such as these, time tends to stand still. Elizabeth recollected herself in a moment though, and began to run towards the pond. At that very instant, Mr. Hamilton arrived.
"Master Andrew, help!!" Meredith shouted.
As Hamilton descended his horse, a second gentleman reached the spot, coming from the opposite direction, whence the woods were. He was still a few hundred yards away, but saw exactly what was the matter. He swiftly spurred his horse towards the pond.
Elizabeth and Hamilton stood by the waterside, and Hamilton seemed frozen to the spot. As soon as she noticed that, Elizabeth jumped in the pond without a moment's thought, to save the life of Sir Christopher's youngest child. She managed to move towards the little girl, who seemed lifeless and still, and lifted her above the water's surface, extremely relieved to hear her grasp for breath. She was alive!!
Elizabeth had a hard time getting Susannah back to land, for though the pond was not very deep, her dress was heavy with water and bothering her every step. It was not Mr. Hamilton who lifted Susie from her arms, nor was it Meredith.
Where on earth did Darcy come from?!
He laid Susannah down, holding her upper body in an upright position and trying to relief her from the water she'd swallowed by pushing on her chest. Gulps of water came out of her mouth and she started crying, but unlike in any normal situation, this was a very welcome sound to all.
Hamilton meanwhile tried to assist Elizabeth in getting out of the pond. He pulled and pulled, but the bank was too steep.
Again it was Darcy who acted.
"Hamilton, take the little girl home right now," he ordered. "On your horse, quickly! Meredith, please hand Susannah to her uncle once he has mounted his horse."
He laid the girl in her nanny's arms and then began to take of his coat. Hamilton finally got hold of himself and managed to climb his horse, and rushed off as soon as Meredith had given little Susie to him.
Meanwhile, Darcy carefully lowered himself into the water next to Elizabeth. It all happened so quickly that she did not even have time to experience any surprise.
"It's your dress, Miss Bennet. It's too heavy because of the water, which makes ascending so hard. Please allow me to lift you."
Was not this a circumstance that required action above propriety?! Elizabeth was glad to have his help, and he put his hands on her waist, lifting her high enough to crawl on the grass.
Darcy had no difficulty to get out of the water, and was soon beside Elizabeth again, with admiration in his eyes on her adequate deeds to save Susannah.
"Take my coat, please, Miss Bennet."
"But it'll be soaked in no time, sir," Elizabeth faltered.
"So it will if I put it on. It will protect you a little, Miss Bennet. Though the weather is fine, you might catch a cold, being thoroughly wet."
That did make sense, so Elizabeth accepted his coat, and all of a sudden, she couldn't help but laugh.
"Look at us, Mr. Darcy! What a fine picture we make!"
Darcy was taken aback by her wet looks and the charming sparkling in her eyes, which had been the means of his partiality to her a long time ago in Hertfordshire. He simply had to smile back at her.
"Well, Meredith," a dripping Elizabeth said, "I think we'd best go home."
Meredith smiled.
"Miss Lizzy, you were absolutely amazing! You just saved the child's life!"
Elizabeth gave her a shy smile, and started to walk, but was called back by Darcy.
"Miss Bennet, are you going to walk all the way home?"
"What else did you expect, sir?"
"You must take my horse. If you are in the open air for too long, you're bound to catch a cold!"
"Ahmmm- well, I cannot ride your horse."
Darcy raised his brows.
"Not with a man's saddle, sir," she explained. "Besides, you are just as wet as I am, so you should get back to the house just as fast."
At that point, Meredith made a daring suggestion.
"If Mr. Darcy puts the saddle a little more backwards, you can sit in front, and he can climb in the saddle, and you'll both be able to go on horseback, and prevent any illness. You must go together."
Darcy and Elizabeth looked at each other. It sounded perfectly reasonable, but was also against the strict rules of propriety, and they both knew that.
Meredith thought herself a mighty good adviser and looked at them expectantly.
"Well-"
"Well-" Darcy and Elizabeth said at exactly the same second, which caused them to look at each other again, Darcy with a blank expression on his face, Elizabeth suppressing a giggle.
Darcy experienced a hidden battle inside of him. On one hand, he loved nothing more than to sit with her on one horse, and, indeed, it would be the best way to prevent illness, but on the other hand, he wanted to persevere his politeness and gentlemanlike behaviour, and agreeing on Meredith's plan could be considered as a most improper deed.
"Well come on, Miss Lizzy," Meredith impatiently said.
Darcy finally decided he would be acting according to the rules of the Establishment when he asked Elizabeth for her consent. This was an exceptional situation, after all, and lifting her from the pond didn't really apply to any rules, either.
"Hm- Miss Bennet, what Meredith suggests would be a clever solution to this, ahm, wet problem, indeed. I realize that I must take, and have taken, some liberty with you, but it was and is for your own health. So if you have no major objections to this plan, I am most willing to do as Meredith recommends."
Elizabeth was amused and excited at the same time, as she agreed.
"All right, Mr. Darcy, what must be done, must be done."
The saddle was moved backwards in a minute, and Darcy lifted Elizabeth on the horse. Then he climbed right behind her. To his slight disappointment she took the reins, thus preventing him from holding his arms around her. They set off, not very rapidly, but faster then a person on foot.
Elizabeth realized this was her first chance in days to talk to Mr. Darcy alone, but their present position was so awkward, that she didn't feel very comfortable to express her gratefulness for his help on behalf of her sister. Surely there would come another opportunity to thank him.
"You saved the girl's life, Miss Bennet," Darcy said with unconcealed admiration in his voice.
"If Mr. Hamilton had not been so involved emotionally, I bet he would have done what I did," Elizabeth said.
She was only trying to wave away his praise, but unknowingly gave him pain, for he thought she was defending Hamilton, which certainly meant she must care about him. Although he was almost sure that she hadn't taken pleasure in Hamilton's unceasing attentions, he now feared he had misinterpreted her looks and actions, and cared about Hamilton after all.
"You were resolute on what to do as well, sir. Sending Hamilton home with Susannah was a good thought."
Again, a misunderstanding was formed. Whereas Elizabeth tried to reveal to Darcy that she was glad to get rid of Hamilton, he was convinced that the fact that she mentioned him twice was prove of some partiality.
They were silent for a while, and Elizabeth took a deep breath. His deeds concerning Lydia and Wickham had been on her mind for almost a week, and although their present intercourse was rather unusual, she could no longer keep silent on the subject.
"Mr. Darcy, I can go no longer without telling you how grateful I am for what you did for my sister. Ever since I've heard of it I have been most eager to express my gratitude. Please allow me to thank you, on behalf of myself and my family, for, -apart from Jane who related the truth about this matter to me in the letter I received from her last week-, they know not to whom they are indebted. From the bottom of my heart I thank you, Mr. Darcy."
She had focused on the reins and the path they followed while she spoke, and now that she had finished, still dared not look at him.
Darcy was shocked and confused.
"I am exceedingly sorry, Miss Bennet, that you've heard about this. It was supposed to remain a secret."
"Lydia betrayed it to Jane, sir, and then Jane decided to tell me about it. I don't understand why you did this, but our family owes you very very much."
"If you want to thank me, do it for yourself alone. Though I respect your family very much, I thought only of you."
Elizabeth couldn't believe her ears. She abruptly turned her head and faced him. Their eyes locked, and suddenly they both were very conscious of the nearness of the other.
As Elizabeth opened her mouth to reply, they heard the sound of excited voices. Victoria and Nicholas came running from the house to welcome the heroine who saved Susannah's life.
Further conversation was impossible, but the expressions on the faces of the two wet people riding on one horse told an entire story, that could hardly be misread.
As soon as Victoria and Nicholas had reached the horse with its two wet riders, Elizabeth decided to descend. She threw a quick glance at Mr. Darcy, but this well-known blank expression had spread over his features once again.
Elizabeth was at a loss at what to think. She felt awfully uncertain and confused. One moment she really thought he was still partial to her, but the next moment something happened that made her as unsure as ever. After all, she had no right to hope for his good opinion, and had done nothing to deserve his affection.
Victoria and Nicholas claimed her attention and demanded her testimony of the events at, and in the pond.
Elizabeth had to wait until a second chance to talk to Mr. Darcy would occur.
To those of my readers who still feel a certain regard or maybe compassion for Mr. Andrew Hamilton, I must now address a warning to stop reading if such feelings are wished to be preserved. His following actions will not do him credit.
After he had realized Darcy was after Miss Bennet very decidedly, -as was obvious by his secretive departure that afternoon,- he concluded he had to change his methods of winning Miss Bennet's hand. He was resolved to invent a rumour that would leave her no other choice but to marry him.
He knew exactly which servants would spread the "news" in no time, and the maid that was fondest of gossip, had the doubtful honour to be informed personally of "the forthcoming marriage."
Just as Hamilton had foreseen, almost all servants of Lancastle knew about it within an hour.
Sir Christopher was bound to hear it as well. It was merely a question of when and by whom, that was all. His source happened to be his own wife, who had just received this interesting piece of information from her dress-maid when she had her hair done for tea.
"Christopher, did you know Andrew was in love with Miss Bennet?" she said.
"Why do you ask?"
"I've just been told he has proposed to her and they will get married very soon."
"They will? Why, I didn't know! But that is very pleasant!"
He beamed with glee, as he always did when something pleased him. At that moment, Darcy entered the parlour.
"Ah, Mr. Darcy, you're all dry again! We owe you so much for your help!"
"That's all right, Sir Christopher, I think you should reserve your praise for Miss Bennet, who actually saved Susannah! How is the little girl?"
"She's quite fine, just coughing occasionally. But she was pretty scared! And so she should be, for this must never happen again."
"Indeed it must not!"
"We were extremely fortunate to have Miss Bennet at her rescue. We're fortunate to have her as a governess, I dare say. Did you know she will soon be more than a governess to us, by the way, Mr. Darcy?"
Darcy looked puzzled.
Lady Hamilton was eager to break the news to him. "She has just accepted the hand of my brother-in-law."
Darcy couldn't control his tongue.
"She has done WHAT?" he shouted.
"Are you so surprised, sir? You must have noticed how Andrew courted her?"
All intentions of persevering politeness were gone now, and Darcy brusquely left the room without a further word, leaving Sir Christopher and Lady Hamilton in wonder. He was extremely confused and felt flabbergasted. Thoughts ran through his head, incoherently and overwhelming.
"He must have imposed himself on her while she was barely dry!
But how on earth-
I thought she was-
it cannot be true that-
Did I not see something in her eyes when I confessed I'd acted on Lydia's behalf with no one but her in my thoughts?!?!"
Somehow, it never even occurred to him that this might be a lie. The fact that it were Sir Christopher and his wife who told him about the alliance made it beyond doubt.
He knew his love for Elizabeth was deep, but nevertheless he was taken aback by the measureless feeling of sorrow when he realized she was lost for him. It felt as if his heart had been pierced by a sword that had torn it apart. It was not only a mental, but a physical pain as well.
Darcy left the house and headed towards the river. He needed time to think. He found a beautiful spot with a bench on the bank of the river, though its beauty was completely lost on him. He sat down, covering his face with his hands.
He had never been a man who showed his emotions very rapidly, but this shock was so great, this burden so heavy, this sense of sorrow so huge, that there was no way to stop the tears. It had been only an hour ago that he had believed his hopes might be gratified, and with just one piece of information, all hopes were dashed. He cried almost without a sound, and didn't believe he'd ever be able to stop crying.
Elizabeth was completely ignorant of the fact that "she had accepted Mr. Hamilton's hand". Once she had put on dry clothes she went to see Susannah, who was put in bed but felt as fit as a fiddle and complained about being punished. Elizabeth appeased her though by climbing on her bed and reading her a story.
Dorothy, one of the kitchen-hands, came to bring the ladies some cake and tea.
"If you please, Ma'am," she said, putting the tray on a small table beside the bed.
"Thank you, Dorothy," Elizabeth answered.
"And by the way, Ma'am, you have good taste, for Master Andrew is mighty handsome!"
Then the girl curtseyed and hurried away. Elizabeth was astonished.
"What do you mean?!" she cried after Dorothy, but the maid had disappeared.
Elizabeth raised one eyebrow, looking puzzled at the closed door through which Dorothy had just left. Then she shrugged and thought no more of it.
When she had finished the third story, she kissed Susie on the forehead and told her to get some rest. She left and intended to go to the parlour. On her way she was stopped, though, by a servant who congratulated her on her engagement.
"Engagement?!"
"Yes of course, Ma'am, your engagement to Master Andrew! Such news travels fast, Ma'am!"
Elizabeth was too stunned to speak. The servant laughed, thinking her lack of eloquence was due to her surprise about how soon the news had become known to the servants, and left smiling.
Instead of proceeding in her intended direction, Elizabeth went outside. This was very disturbing indeed. What on earth had been told to the servants, and even more important, by whom?!
Elizabeth decided to go to her favourite spot. She was aroused though by an alarming sound before she reached it. It seemed like someone was crying.
Then she beheld Mr. Darcy, sitting on the bench, his forehead resting in his right hand, his left hand before his eyes, tears dripping through his fingers.
"Mr. Darcy?!" Elizabeth cried with terror.
He looked up in shock, surprised, and wiped his eyes and cheeks, like a ten year old boy ashamed of being caught weeping.
"Good God, what is the matter?!" Elizabeth asked, her voice filled with concern.
She stepped a little closer to him. He looked so vulnerable and desolate, that she had to force herself not to touch him in comfort. His eyes were full of pain and sadness, and her heart broke at the very sight of him.
All strength to speak seemed to fail him, and he couldn't do a thing but look at her, a tear running down his cheek again.
"Sir, do you wish to be alone or shall I stay with you?" Elizabeth asked gently.
Darcy opened his mouth, then shut it again and sniffed, and then once again he opened his mouth. But he had no words. The way she looked at him, the concern and warmth in her eyes, a lock of hair in front of her face... She was his great love, and yet she was his great pain.
She couldn't bear to leave him in this state.
"If you don't mind, I'll stay with you until you're feeling better, Mr. Darcy. Truly you look very ill. Did you receive bad news from Pemberley, sir?"
He shook his head.
"Some distressing news about a loved one, then?" she inquired, hoping he wouldn't think she wanted to pry.
"Yes," he spoke his first word.
"Georgiana?!" Elizabeth exclaimed, worry spreading over her face.
He shook his head once again, looking into her anxious eyes. She looked puzzled.
"You- " he whispered.
Elizabeth wasn't sure if she had heard it right.
"Mr. Darcy?"
He cleared his throat, his eyes cast down, and wiped his face again. If he wanted to be the perfect gentleman, he should congratulate her, he should wish her all happiness, and respect her choice. But he couldn't. His vow to cling to politeness seemed hollow and worthless. It had brought him no good after all, had it? He could no longer continue his resolution of behaving in a gentlemanlike manner, but had to give in to the need he felt to open his heart to her, regardless of the consequences.
"Miss Bennet-," he commenced, "I know I should offer you my best wishes for your happiness, but I cannot. You have made your choice but thus made me a broken man."
He gave her a very intent look, filled with emotion.
"I- I really don't know what you mean sir," Elizabeth replied, frowning deeply. But then all of a sudden it dawned to her. Did Mr. Darcy by any chance hear some of this alarming report, that she was supposed to be engaged?
"Did you hear- Do you think I am engaged?"
"Are you not," he said bitterly, not to ask a question, but more like stating a fact, proving it was beyond doubt to him that her betrothal was a fact.
Elizabeth's anger was inflamed at that moment.
"Why for heaven's sake everybody seems so determined to believe this report is beyond me!" she cried.
Thoughtless, quick-tempered Elizabeth, growing mad when she should have been explaining... She began to walk some steps backwards.
Darcy looked at her again, amazed and confused. Where did this sudden rage come from? For one moment he thought she would walk away, so he called her name.
"Elizabeth- "
The fact that he had used her Christian name made her anger slowly fade away. After all, it wasn't his fault. Suddenly she had to fight back the tears.
In a quivering voice she said: "I am not engaged to Mr. Hamilton, or to whomsoever."
The relief that spread over Darcy's features can hardly be described. His expression changed, as if the sun had suddenly burst through the clouds and lightened his face. He got to his feet and stepped towards Elizabeth.
"Miss Bennet, I am very relieved to hear that."
Elizabeth's anger had now disappeared completely. Her lips curved into a smile and she asked:
"How could I ever accept his hand, if I don't love him, Mr. Darcy?"
They were only a few steps apart.
"You don't love him?"
"No, I don't."
"You will not marry him?"
"No, I won't."
Elizabeth began to giggle. Her nerves were strong (unlike those of her mother), but the stress of these last few minutes was almost to much for her. She had either to giggle or to cry.
Darcy started to grin, but soon had a serious look on his face again.
"You're too generous to trifle with me, Miss Bennet. If I have no chance of ever winning your love, then tell me so at once. My feelings for you are even more passionate than they were when we met in Kent, - when I made you that disastrous proposal for which I am truly ashamed till this very day-. But one word from you will silence me on this subject forever."
"Mr. Darcy, you don't have to win my love. You already have it." Elizabeth simply said.
Again, he was speechless.
They just stood there, by the riverside, watching the other, unable to speak a word, or do a thing, for minutes. They both experienced a myriad of feelings, starting from disbelief, to dawning realization of the truth of what they had both confessed just now, until they felt sheer happiness, so overwhelming that they had to express it.
Darcy stepped even a little closer to Elizabeth, so that they almost touched, and finally asked the question.
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet, will you please make me the happiest of men and consent to be my wife?"
She beamed and replied: "With all my heart, Mr. Darcy."
Propriety requires us to leave them alone by the riverside, for I dare not declare that they did not kiss. For your comfort I will add, that this time they were not interrupted.
Darcy and Elizabeth had agreed on as short an engagement as possible, determined to get married as soon as Sir Christopher had found another teacher for his eldest children.
Sir Christopher was surprised and a little disappointed, for Elizabeth's entering into holy matrimony would mean an end to her profession as a governess at Lancastle.
The Hamilton children were very happy on behalf of their beloved governess, but felt sorry for themselves. Elizabeth readily promised that their attachment would not be put to an end by her departure, a promise which made the smiles reappear on their faces.
Andrew Hamilton left the table, and absconded Lancashire that same evening.
Never before had Elizabeth been happier to write her family. She knew her letter would cause great joy at Netherfield and Purvis Lodge, as well as in Gracechurch-street, London. As she sat down to write, Darcy joined her to ask her Uncle Gardiner for her hand -knowing beforehand that his wishes would be granted- and to inform his own relatives of their engagement. Elizabeth insisted on writing something to Georgiana herself, feeling quite unworthy after the broken promise of a swift return to Pemberley. She was resolute to make it up to her sister-in-law.
Darcy and Elizabeth could talk for hours. Many things had to be spoken of, many questions needed an answer, and many sweet things needed to be said.
"Did you soon think differently of me after having read my letter?"
"Well, not immediately. I needed some time to value your true worth. It took me some time to reconcile myself with the fact that I had abused you so vulnerably and without hardly a reason."
"Oh, you had reasons enough! I had been most rude to you, and what I did regarding Bingley and your sister, that was unforgivable! You really humbled me, my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! Hadn't it been for your profound study of my character, I might still have been as proud as I was. For you were right! I remember you said, that I could not have tempted you in any way to accept my hand. You said, that the mode of my declaration merely spared you any concern you might have felt in refusing me, had I behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner. You don't know how these words have tortured me!"
"I had little idea of them ever being taken in such a way!"
"I can easily believe that! You thought me devoid of every proper feeling!"
"I could never have been more wrong! And then to think that after my father's death it was me who was too proud to let you come any closer."
"Why, Elizabeth, why did you conceal your whereabouts from me? What was it that made you think I'd hold you in contempt for being a governess?"
"I felt so ashamed, and I thought that you would not want to see me anymore, once you knew my position in life. I rather had you remember me the way I was in Derbyshire, where I enjoyed every single minute of your presence. This sounds quite silly, I know, but I couldn't live with the thought that you'd be somewhere in the world, thinking ill of me. And I had a slight hope of ever having earned enough money to give up the job, and well, maybe we would meet again some day..."
"So it were my harsh words that caused our separation..." Darcy observed. "I am afraid it will take me some time to forgive myself for that."
"You must learn some of my philosophy. All is well, that endeth well, you know?"
"You have every right to live by that rule, Elizabeth, but I am truly ashamed of myself, and can't help but feel some sense of scorn, of disdain towards myself. I wasn't able to please the woman who was worthy to be pleased, I, who thought so highly of myself."
"But you were able to get the better of yourself! I am very proud of you, indeed. Just look at what you did for my youngest sister! And you treated me with the utmost forbearance ever since we met in Derbyshire. I could not help but change my opinion of you. You shouldn't scold yourself, sir."
"I will do as you say, but more out of love for you, than out of my own conviction," he said smilingly.
As planned, their engagement didn't take more than two months, for Mary Bennet was very eager to take her sister's place at Lancastle, and though she had quite a different temper, Elizabeth was positive she'd be qualified for the job. Perhaps Miss Victoria and Master Nicholas would not always like the larger amount of sermons that they would have to cope with, but their knowledge of music, philosophy and languages would definitely increase under Mary's steady guidance.
Mrs. Bennet was filled with maternal joy, as might be expected, on the day that her second daughter got married. The loss of Mr. Bennet surely was felt by all, but the wedding was happy and joyous nevertheless.
Georgiana was the happiest of sisters when Elizabeth finally re-entered Pemberley. The two young women got along very well, to the great joy of their beloved brother and husband.
Jane and Bingley were extremely glad to see the pair united. They often spent time at Pemberley, and likewise the Darcys were welcomed at Netherfield regularly.
And Elizabeth and Darcy were as perfect a couple as was ever seen. Their love was strong and steady, and the differences in their characters thwarted any dullness or predictability to slip into their relationship.
As for Sir Christopher, his wife and his children, they were always very welcome to visit Pemberley. Darcy and his lovely wife stayed at Lancastle every now and then as well, to the great pleasure of the Hamilton children. Meredith loved to have them around too. Never were there more puzzles laid then when Mr. and Mrs. Darcy were present!