Beginning, Section II, Next Section
Jane Austen's characters never played hockey. I am sure that Caroline Bingley of the real Pride & Prejudice would not look spectacular in skates. And I highly doubt that hockey would exist back then.
Not to mention the potential harms Mr. Darcy could come to!
However, intramural sports are a large part of college life (or at least in my college). For now, one would think from reading the story that our characters do nothing but go to class and bathroom, and the bathroom is their social life.
Only the former is wrong. While their social lives do revolve around this particular bathroom, they do spend their time outside of Austen House.
The tradition of intramural sports is certainly not to be neglected in this story, while other things are...
D-league hockey is the intramural league. It is also called "tripod hockey" because the players have three legs: two on their body, and one stick.
D-league players suck. Well, most of them do. Good hockey players join to laugh at people.
They fall.
They can't hit anything.
And if they hit anything, it's not going to be the puck.
Only rules to remember: Off-sides (can't enter your offensive zone before the puck does...not important to the story so I will not dwell on it) and NO CHECKING!!!!!!
So, dorms get together their teams, sometimes each floor will have a team...the person putting the team together (a regular Joe, or perhaps in this case, a particular Colonel) would ask whomever he wants to be on the team. There are rules to the player's affiliation to the team and university, but no one seems to enforce them.
There are a total of 7-8 games that the team will play, against various other living groups. Games are scheduled in the ice rink, late at night, when the real teams are done using the ice, and the ice skating classes (which our players ought to take but don't have time for) are long since over. A small stream of hockey-star wanna-bes enter the rink, and check out beat up and very nasty equipment. (They have to supply their own sticks and skates.) And after, well, after, they get out on the ice, and circle around a while, try to maintain balance, and other important things like that.
It sounds like a pain. Why do they do it? Because it's fun!
And hence, as our characters are the embodiment of fun, our characters will play hockey!
Perhaps I should show you a roster of the team that Colonel managed to put together...(and perhaps I'll rate their skating ability)
* = good...more *'s, the better...Their season was a relatively normal one, one of not much notice, except for the fact that midseason, two things resulted:Colonel **********
Lydia **
Annie *********
Liz ***
William *
Caroline ****************************
Louisa ****
Georgie **
George ***
Jane **
Charles **
(after much persuasion, and goading from Louisa) Karl ***************************************
Charlotte (coach)
(and other minor characters, who suck but are willing to have a little fun)
a) Charlotte caught a cold from staying out on the ice and screaming too much, without putting herself through physical exertion to keep herself warm. (As her immune system is a startlingly good one, she got better immediately)Of the two points, the second, I think, is of more importance, and I shall elaborate.b) Liz fell for Darcy. (and this she could not recover from)
It could have been the way he so awkwardly held his "hockey mallet". Canadians are usually stereotyped to be excellent hockey players.
Our Manitoban grew up in New York (which will be explored in depth later in part four). So he was not quite as skilled as he could have been, had he grown up in Manitoba (or lived there long enough to skate just once in his life.
It could have been the way that he always fell down, and painstakingly complained of his "complications".
It could have been the way that he never really participated in the team cheering.
It could have been the way he glared at everyone who dared to cheer for their own team.
It could have been the childish grin he got on his face the day he accidentally scored a goal on his own goalie.
But whatever the reasons, Liz fell for him.
She did not realize it until today. (Don't worry, she was in the bathroom, we'll have all the nasty details!)
Random quotes to be associated with this chapter:
"I really do think that love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. But I also have to say, for the umpty-umpth time, that life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all." - William Goldman, The Princess Bride (Perhaps an exploration into Liz's sentiments)
"There is no net charge on the universe. Every charge must find a mate!" - Dr. Bob Hulsizer, Prof. Of Physics at MIT (a romantic physicist)
He stood in front of the sink, and poured the bottle down, smiling sadistically as it swirled in beautiful amber waves into the drain.
"William what are you doing?!"
William almost jumped, caught in the act. But continued deliberately. "It smells horrid, Charles."
"It has pheromones," Charles protested.
"It has serious issues with my sinuses. I'm not giving it back. And even if I wanted, oops! I guess the whole bottle is down the sink."
Charles winced. At least it wasn't his. But Henry Crawford would be very mad. As an understatement. Deciding he needed to finish some studying before the history test today, he left in pursuit of his textbook and notes.
Liz entered the bathroom, happy and awake, for once in her life. Humming the Wedding March, she cheerfully went in to the showers.
William glared. The wedding march? Who's the victim now? He then tossed the empty bottle into the trash can.
Lottie ran in, hair pulled back in tight braided bun, and in elegant traveling clothes. "Oh dear! Must pack! Must pack!"
William looked at her, glared at her. She glared back. "Stop it, William."
William jumped back. Bitten!
Lottie shrugged. "I'm sorry, William, but I don't have time to be scoffed at today. You can scoff at me when I get back."
Photo shoot in Milan. Was she ever going to have a regular Thanksgiving?
Colonel entered, and on her way out, Lottie kissed him on the cheek, "Have a good holiday, mon ami..."
He watched after her, longingly.
William rolled his eyes. Romantic preppies.
Colonel went to started to lather his face to shave. "So, William, what are you doing this Thanksgiving?"
William turned Colonel. He'd never been asked that before. "I'm going to eat. And sleep."
Colonel put up his hands, "Sorry for being social."
"I hope so..." William sighed as he started to brush his teeth.
Liz exited the shower, and started to towel her hair, reached in to her cubby for her toothbrush and toothpaste, and started to brush her teeth.
William spit.
"What are you doing this Thanksgiving, Liz?" Colonel asked her.
Liz held up a finger. One moment please. She proceeded to brush her teeth thoroughly.
William lathered up his face.
At the exact moment when Liz turned her head to answer Colonel, William was rinsing off the soap. Beads of water ran down his well-sculpted cheeks, and the light from one of the windows fell in on the sink, and haloed his hair, which was not yet combed, and sexily falling in front of his forehead.
She was in love with William Darcy! Not like, not the "love" a person has for a friend. Not the "love" one feels for the enemy. No, passionate, ardent, heart-pounding-my stomach-into-bits love. The kind that glazes one's eyes over until she can only focus on one thing: the object of her affections.
This sucked. "Pining away for you, of course..." she said to Colonel, clearing her throat, trying to get it out of her throat. It being the never-before-experienced nervous film that inevitably prevents many a love-struck person from speaking.
It could have been the pheromones, but Charles's claim on the power of the perfume were not accurate.
"Ah, Liz, but I'm poor."
Liz laughed. "True true..." And so was William. Ew...it made no sense! "But Colonel, my passions for you may extend beyond material bounds."
William rolled his eyes. "And hell may freeze."
Liz narrowed a glare at him.
But somehow, she couldn't glare him the way she used to. Heart out of it, she turned away, and left the bathroom abruptly.
William shrugged at Colonel, who watched William for a reaction.
Colonel was disappointed to not perceive any, and left. He had a plane to catch in a few hours.
At that moment, Lydia and Georgie entered the bathroom. Since the D-league season started, and Georgie found she needed help with calc, which Lydia knew like the palm of her hand, they'd become better friends. Annie was not jealous however. They were all good friends. Annie, however, had already left for her home.
"So you're going home for Thanksgiving?" Lydia asked Georgie. "You're from the Upper West side, right?"
"We're from Manitoba," William quipped.
"We're from New York..." Georgie said after, poking William in the ribs. "He was born in Manitoba, and lived there a month. And ever since, that's all he's been able to realize. Manitoba."
William left the bathroom, deciding that Georgie was not worth arguing with.
"New York is also too sophisticated for his own tastes. I personally think he'd like to lack culture...he lacks the manners to do it..." Georgie muttered. "Anyhow, would you like to get together some time during the weekend and hang out?"
Lydia, surprised, turned to her, and paused in brushing her hair. "Hang out? But you just said...taste...and sophistication...and cultures...I don't have any..."
Georgie laughed. "You're so funny, Lydia. Come on, we'll just walk around Central Park then. We'll do something you're comfortable with."
"But you wouldn't feel comfortable doing them..."
"Caroline's educated me in enjoying a lot of things that I don't think I'd enjoy. Come on, Lydia. Let me have my fun. Annie's around too, right?"
"No, Annie is from Chicago. She missed her family so much she left last night after classes...but she'll be coming home with me in the winter for just a few days before going back to Chicago." Lydia put down the brush, putting in her contacts.
"Well, then it'll be just us two. Come on, Lydia, at least give me a chance," Georgie teased.
George, who entered the bathroom, watched Georgie with astonishment. Georgie? Teasing?
"And what are you trying to coerce Lydia into doing?" he asked, casually.
Lydia immediately blushed, and looked away.
"I am trying to convince her to hang out this weekend in New York..."
"That sounds fun...can I get in on this?" George said.
Lydia quickly spoke, surprising both girls. "Sorry, girls' night out..."
Georgie liked the sound of it. It sounded so casual. So American and so common that she might enjoy it for the sheer novelty of banality. And Georgie was determined to find banal things to do. She enjoyed them very much.
"Yeah," Georgie slumped her arm around Lydia's shoulder, who felt amazingly stronger.
George was disappointed, but seeing the glint of happiness in Lydia's eyes, he let it be. "Hope you ladies have fun, then..."
Georgie nodded elegantly. As George went into the showers, Georgie turned to Lydia. "We'll work on it..."
"Work on what?"
"You and George. You have to understand; George is harmless. George does not do anything, and George is very considerate. For that very reason, he is perfect for you."
Lydia shifted uncomfortably. "I'd rather not do anything with George right now...I..."
Georgie laughed. "He's a nice-looking guy who's evidently very interested in you..."
"Me? But I'm so awkward..." Lydia trailed off. "I need to get going!" she said all of a sudden. "I need to get ready for class!" she claimed, overenthusiastically.
Georgie laughed after her, and turned to the other shower stall, and went in.
10:34 a.m.
Looked like she missed her 10:00. Hopes on her 11:00 were not very high either. Oh, well.
Jane Bonnet threw water in her face, trying to get awake. Perhaps she'd be able to make it slightly late.
Charles entered, history facts solid in his mind, and ready to face the day.
"You ready for your test?" Jane asked, conversationally.
Charles ignored the means of her knowing that he had a test, and instead concentrated on the answer. "I've studied up as much as I can."
"Are you going home this holiday?"
"Well, yeah. Home's half an hour away, so my parents would kill me if I don't..."
Jane nodded.
Silence.
"And you?" Charles asked. She was trying to be nice; he might as well return the favor.
"I am not going home."
Silence.
"Why?" Charles asked.
Jane's face became stone. "Mom and Dad are separating this year. I thought that maybe it'd be easier on me if I didn't go home..."
Charles put down the towel that he was using to dry his face. "Oh, Janie, I'm sorry..." He would have taken her into his arms, but he was not the kind of person to do that, (though he was a flirt) and he and Jane, well, they didn't know each other that well.
Jane half-smiled. Janie? "No need to be. Not your fault. And look at me doing this to you. Go and get ready for your exam!"
Charles turned and walked out of the bathroom, but not without a few more glances at Jane, who every time shot him an even more exasperated glare.
2:07 p.m.
Caroline and Louisa quickly swept all the contents of their cubbies into their bags.
"The flight leaves at 4:00...I think we'll make it in time..." Louisa said, almost relieved.
Caroline nodded.
"Louisa! I hope you're going to have a good vacation..."
Louisa turned to Karl, who now entered the bathroom. He looked like he was on his way to lab.
"Karl, you can't tell me that you're staying around here this holiday?"
"It's an important time in my lab. We may have material for a paper."
Caroline frowned. "You need a break too..."
Karl nodded. "We're having a dinner in my lab group tomorrow night. I'll celebrate then."
Louisa did not look pleased. "I don't see why you get to yell at me when you don't really take care of yourself."
Karl looked sheepish. "We'll have dinner when you get back."
"Like that's going to happen. You never have time..." Louisa almost whined.
Karl smiled, and patted Louisa on her head. "I'll see you. Have a good weekend, Red."
He'd taken to calling her Red. She secretly loved it.
But she was very disappointed that he seemed to not realize that she was crazy about him.
"Come on, Caroline," she said to her sister. "Let's go home. I don't know bout you, but I could use Mother's cornbread right now."
4:34 p.m.
This would be close. Liz quickly grabbed her toiletries in the bathroom, almost running into Georgie on her way out.
"I'm sorry, Georgie!" she said. "I need to get going now, but I hope that both you and" swallow "your brother have a good holiday."
Georgie watched after Liz. There was something about Liz. Odd.
Georgie turned to the sink, washed the pile of dishes that had accumulated on her dresser in the past week.
She turned as William entered and smiled to her brother, who scowled back at her. "Why are you so happy?"
"We have a few days off."
"Not really, we have to go home for them," he said, uncomfortably shifting in his button down shirt and dark khakis. "Georgie why aren't you dressed yet? You know that once we land we have to go to another Mother and Father's soirees. We have to leave soon for the airport. Get ready!"
Georgie sighed. "You're right. But I'm already packed, and my outfit is laying out on my bed. I just have to finish these dishes."
William rolled his eyes.
Liz ran into the bathroom, checking her reflection one more time. Jeans and a T-shirt. She almost cried when she saw him berating his sister. She wished she was wearing something stunning and impressive.
However, when she got home, it was almost inevitable she'd have to go grocery shopping with Ma for last minute items; the family was all going to be there tomorrow. Why didn't they just let students off on Tuesday instead?
Then she would be all nice and pretty to say goodbye to William.
Disgusted with herself. William Darcy! she denied herself the pleasure of bidding him a farewell, but slipped one in for Georgie. Maybe he'd notice. "Goodbye Georgie...Happy Thanksgiving!"
He didn't notice at all.
He didn't even see her come in.
There must be something explained about the sentiments of William Darcy; he is attracted to Elizabeth Bennet, but just because he's attracted to her does not mean he likes her any better. In fact, it has been shown that he very much dislikes her, though he does think her a rather striking and stunning person.
But needless to say, physical attraction can be ignored. And William Darcy was rather good at ignoring things.
Bill came in currently, and Georgie, still happy with the prospect of a free weekend ahead of her, smiled to him. "And why aren't you leaving yet, Bill?"
"I am not going home this holiday. I believe I have a very important date this holiday with a potential client. It could be lucrative."
Georgie beamed. "Good for you, Bill!"
William growled, and started hustling her out of the bathroom. "Georgie, get ready! I'm leaving in fifteen minutes, and right now, I really don't care if you're on that plane with me or not. Sorry, Bob, is it?"
"Bill. Bill Collins," the model said, feathers ruffled.
"Oh. Sorry Bill. We're in a rush."
Bill nodded absently, offense forgotten, and energies concentrated on that nasty harbinger of a pimple that was appearing. He should be too old for pimples. But ah, fate was jealous; not many were as naturally beautiful as he.
Georgie kissed him on the cheek. "Have a good weekend!"
Bill smiled after her, and waved her kiss absently away. He had to stop those silly freshmen women from falling for him like this.
7:49 p.m.
"What are you still doing here?" Jane asked, surprised to find Charles in the bathroom, getting out of the shower. "It's almost 8:00, the day before Thanksgiving!"
Charles smiled. "I'm going home in about half an hour. I needed to get some stuff done before then. Parents' anniversary is this weekend as well. Needed to buy something after the exam."
"How did the exam go?" Jane asked.
"Well enough," Charles said. "My mother is picking me up soon...so I guess I should get going...still need to pack."
Jane shifted her feet. "Um, guess so..."
He did not move.
"Have a good holiday, Bingley," Jane said.
"Um, you too, Bonnet," he started to exit when his guilt got the better of him. "Janie," he turned around.
His use of that name as quite puzzling. "What?" she asked, as she started to wash out her dishes from dinner.
"I know this is short notice, but would you like to come and spend Thanksgiving weekend with my family?"
Jane paused in her actions.
"We're just a happy economical family; I was adopted, you know, by a nice couple...of clerks. They have their own kids, but they're really nice and cozy. I'm sure we can take you too...I asked Mom this afternoon..."
Jane smiled. "I think it'd be awkward. We aren't exactly best friends, Bingley."
"And I'm sure that you and Bill Collins are," Charles said. "Because aside from Karl, who lives in lab, and some minor characters, he's the only one around for you to celebrate with. And from what I hear, he's busy as well. So come on, Janie..."
"I have to ask my parents."
"Then get a move on!" he challenged her.
Her parents would care less. They had their own problems. Which was why she didn't want to go home. In fact, her parents might have liked the idea of their daughter enjoying her vacation.
And so, she shrugged, exiting the bathroom.
In fifteen minutes, she rushed back and grabbed her toiletries.
And so passed the Thanksgiving Eve for the bathroom. It was quite lonely, but there were enough minor characters lurking about to make it to too lonesome. And at least it'd stay relatively clean this weekend.
As the mental health of many of the characters has been questioned, I think we must step back, and examine their dreams, out of concern, and of course pure entertainment value:
Lydia Bynet: William and Liz get together in a strange pastoral setting in weird English accents. And she somehow runs off with George and everyone is very scandalized. And hats...what was with the hats?People are very rude to the bathroom at this time (in fact, the tension and the stress makes them quite rude to each other too...as we may see...); they all crowd in at one time in the morning, preparing for whatever finals they have. The ones that don't have finals these sessions will not be around, of course, but that's hardly a relief. When students stay up too late studying for finals, they can be horrid messy creatures indeed! And so, the bathroom despises Finals.Annie de Bourgh: Being chased by clowns and mimes, while being told to calculate velocity of said clowns. (Not the mimes, Margie D says, as that would be silly)
George Wickham: Baking bread in the middle of Nebraska corn fields in his underwear!
Charlotte Lucas: Marrying the Prince Carl Philip of Sweden. But she doesn't know Swedish! (It is from this that Charlotte now understands that love has no language barrier!)
Karl Hurst: Ex-girlfriend Britney wants him back! (No, not one more time...)
Bill Collins: Zebras, with pink stripes. (New idea of underwear design!)
Colonel R Fitzwilliam: Launching an attack on Sweden (though he has no idea why Sweden would do anything to offend him, and he's a peace-loving guy).
Georgie Darcy: Flying...through mashed potatoes!
Caroline Bingly: (You guessed it) CORN! And oranges, for some reason.
Louisa Bingly: Karl, though she is in denial. After all, her dream involved a romantic date. And we know he has no time for that!
Charles Bingley: Being trapped in hampsterdance.com (Yes, he did wake up in cold sweat).
Jane Bonnet: Not being able to speak (she woke up in convulsions, and soon after learned sign-language)
William Darcy: He's in the zone. Final Fantasy 7. About to kill Sephiroth. (Pity, he was such a beautiful villain (Crysty's biases)) But before final victory, Elizabeth appears. He defeats her as well. No recollection of dream when he wakes up, though he has overwhelming desire to play game.
Elizabeth Bennet: *Sigh* William. In their box...having candlelit dinners because they can't afford electricity. Mental note and cause for future angst: Is he that poor? Then there was the dream where he was really rich, but who'd believe that? (She'd grown to love the idea of living in a box, by the way, as long as it was with him).
Random Haiku to be associated with this part
Shut up already!
All those people should leave now
Bathroom needs cleaning.
-Margie DStructure of Finals Time
9:00 am - 12:00 am - SESSION I
1:30 pm - 4:30 pm - SESSION II
Most colleges are usually out later than this. However, the authoress is very arbitrary about this date; after all, if they're going to name a dorm after our dear Jane, they might as well end finals on her birthday.He washed his hands of all business.
"Happy Jane Austen's Birthday!" Karl smiled as he entered the bathroom, party hat on. "I'll be reading the Juvenilia out loud tonight! I even took the day off from lab! But for now, final in orgo, so see you."
Liz, who stood next to William, jumped at Karl's entrance and subsequent exit.
She'd been watching William wash his hands, those nicely toned forearms flexed as his hands roughly and efficiently handled the soap bar.
She'd seen faults in him before. She could see them again.
She just had to look hard enough.
Dang, she even found his antisocialness sexy and special; it intrigued and challenged her to reach out to him. To be the one woman who could.
William suddenly turned on Liz. "What?"
Liz actually stammered! "N-nothing!"
William therefore dismissed her, and started to shave.
Liz sighed, exasperated with herself and him, and she checked her reflection in the mirror.
It was a sad, sad day. She'd fallen in love. And not an easy kind of love to resign herself to. If she played her cards right (and she knew she probably would want to) she'd end up married to him. And if she married him, they'd probably live in suburbia, and live a rather common life. The hardworking family of the American dream.
It was rather depressing. Where were the possibilities? Where was the drama? Where was the life that she had been planning to have that would land her in the lap of some rich and handsome heir? Where was the plan to go traveling around the world?
As the story has now taken a rather sad turn, another character must enter the bathroom and make it all happy and silly once more. In this case, it will be Charlotte, who is very tired from studying for her final in Chinese.
"Ni hao." she said.
Liz laughed.
It startled Charlotte and William, who almost nicked himself. He glared at her. Liz mentally patted herself on the shoulder for the accomplishment. Charlotte quirked her head. "What?"
"I was not aware that one could speak Chinese with a French accent. It's adorable!" Liz smiled.
Charlotte laughed. "I was not aware that there could be a French accent for Chinese..."
"That's the only way I can coin that sounds as. Is your Chinese final today?"
"Yes, it is. Bad timing though; I had wanted to help in Karl's dramatic reading of Jane Austen's Juvenilia tonight, but had no time to meet with him about it."
Liz laughed. "I never like Jane Austen. Pride and Prejudice always baffled me, quite a bit..."
What she would give for having a certain Mr. Darcy look at her right now.
But alas, he finished his shave and quickly exited. He had a lit final to take. Liz sighed into a slump, bracing herself over the sink. "Why?" she asked herself, pained.
Charlotte placed her smooth hands under Liz's chin, and kissed her on the forehead. "It's a sad day when you find yourself unhappy the way you are..."
Liz shook her head, and stood up. "What are you talking about? I'm perfectly fine. I have a date with George Knightley tonight! Finally!"
Charlotte shook her head. "That's not the way to do it, belle. Those eyes were not made to rival the sapphires of a man's cufflink. They were made to be caressed by feelings deeper, to reflect love. William's love."
Liz laughed, stepping back. "I know you've had these delusions of white satin and lace for me and" swallow "Darcy, but I can't let you go on with this. It bugs me. So, please, Charlotte, stop it."
Colonel entered, whistling the newest melody he'd studied for the music theory final he had today. "So has Will made the moves yet?" he winked.
Frustrated and beside herself with exasperation, she threw her hands up and angrily exited.
Colonel looked at Charlotte who shook her head. "That was not very wise. The ice cracked on that one."
He paused in putting the toothpaste on the toothbrush. "What do you mean? She caught a real one?"
"No, quite the opposite. She's in love, poor girl."
"In love, are you serious? With who?"
Charlotte's eyes narrowed. "You need to ask?"
"You mean...she actually fell for Will? I mean, that was just teasing, before. You know. I'd heard rumors. She's the only one who's ever around when he's in here. He's not really nice guy material..."
Charlotte shook her head. "You don't understand do you? Love like hers, it isn't very discreet or practical. Love is irrational, love is inexplicable."
Colonel started to brush his teeth.
Charlotte watched him in his activities admiringly, as she was prone to do every once in a while, when she was relaxed and wanted to just talk with him. They had not been able to do so lately.
"I'm staying in the States this Christmas, Colonel."
Colonel looked at her in curiosity, urging her to continue, and went back to brushing his teeth.
"I'm going to your home to visit you."
Colonel choked on his toothpaste.
"What?"
"I called your mother a few days ago. After all, you never talk about your family. I was curious. I have a photo shoot in New York the week after Christmas. It's hardly worth the trip back home to France. I had nothing else to do, and decided that I'd never seen the South of the States. I was rather curious. And so, I'm going home with you in two days."
Colonel dropped his toothbrush into the sink. (After that, I don't think he'll be using that toothbrush again...bathroom sinks can get pretty nasty) "Are you joking?"
"No, I'm perfectly serious. After all, we've known each other for almost four years and I still have not yet met one person in your family."
"I didn't know you wanted to meet my family!" Colonel grinned like a child on Christmas. He took her in his arms and twirled her about the bathroom. "Oh, Lottie, you don't know how happy this makes me."
Charlotte guessed at the magnitude as he kissed her.
He'd never kissed her before.
Why hadn't he kissed her before? She wondered, as her head swirled the way it did when she first saw her face on the cover of VOGUE. In fact, everything became oddly blurry, and the content she felt was far deeper than what she'd ever before felt. And her breath felt minty fresh.
Light-headed, she held on to him to hold her steady. Their eyes met, and she laughed.
"What?"
"I taste your toothpaste..."
11:31 am
Bath & Body Works's Sun-Ripened Raspberry permeated in Austen House's Fifth South bathroom until it had crept into every corner.
There were four freshwomen at the mirrors, trying to get themselves ready before cramming over lunch for their physics final.
They had studied the night before, of course. It wasn't as if they were going in cold-turkey. They just had so much more to understand.
Louisa coughed as she inhaled the sharp fragrance. She went to her cubby and withdrew her can of Lysol.
"Oh come on, Louisa, be a sport," Georgie smiled. "Or else you'll start acting like my brother!"
"And so, when you say 'account for air resistance'..." Lydia said.
"Oh you can't do that!" Annie said to Lydia and Caroline. "No talking about physics until all of us are seated at a table and can hear what you're talking about."
Bill stepped out of the shower now, and upon seeing the gathering of freshwomen giggling at the mirrors, he sighed. It had to stop. While he appreciated the flattery, he just couldn't.
Lydia applied her Liz Arden face cream and glowed as George entered. "Hi George! I haven't seen you in ages!" she said, happily.
George smiled back. "Hey, how are you?" he patted her head.
Patting her head. Like she was a child. Whatever happened, George? Did you lose interest?
George smiled as he went directly to a shower stall.
"Oh..." Lydia sighed, exasperatedly against a sink as she heard the shower water running.
Georgie frowned after George and turned to Lydia. "I'm sure he's just busy..."
And in the nature of all young women when struck with a very large crush on upperclassmen, Lydia proceeded to obsess. "Why won't he talk to me? Why hasn't he talked to me? We haven't talked since Thanksgiving! I mean, there was that one time when we met in the halls and said hi ten days ago...but oh! Did I do something wrong?"
And of course, her friends were there to obsess and make excuses. Annie sighed. "Guys are all dense. Don't worry. He's probably crazy about you but caught up in finals, just like the rest of us."
"You have to remember," Georgie said. "George hasn't really had a serious relationship. But I'm sure he likes you...in the beginning, he was at my throat when I wasn't talking with you enough! He probably just doesn't know what to do with you, and right now is stepping back and thinking. He's never really been attracted to women before...and I think William is a bad influence on him. It's all in the sexlessness."
The last part of the sentence was overheard by Liz Bennet, who had entered the bathroom to wash off her face. She'd finished her differential equations final early.
"Why, in high school, George hung out with William all the time, and William, well, he strived to make women not like him. Liz!" Georgie turned to the newest guest in the bathroom.
Liz turned to Georgie slowly. "Yes?"
"What do you think of my brother? Do you not think he is the stupidest, densest, pigheaded man?"
Startled at the question, Liz cleared her throat. "Can't stand him."
"Thanks, Liz. See?" Georgie said to Lydia. "William despises women. And he made sure that George didn't fall into our evil clutches either!"
Liz had to get out, fast. The raspberry scent in the air was smothering her, not to mention her thoughts.
Lydia sighed. "It's still not right. I wish...I wish he'd do something. Who am I kidding anyhow. He's a junior! I'm just a kid!"
"Don't sell yourself short!" Caroline assured her. "You said that he made the first move."
"And he kissed your hand..." Georgie said. (A detail divulged to all the freshwomen on Fifth South in a happy gushy discussion one night, as freshwomen are prone to have, because they have too much time and not enough lab. Or, at least at this college.)
Louisa sighed in exasperation. "At least he made a move. Now if you'll look at the time, you'll notice that we don't have too much time to chat and obsess about upperclassmen who won't affect our test grades. Come on. I want to hear about air resistance."
The five women exited the bathroom. And the bathroom breathed a (raspberry-saturated) sigh of relief.
12:11 p.m.
Jane Bonnet had the worst night of her life.
The separation between her parents was over. The divorce proceedings would start after this last Christmas.
She'd cried in Charles's bed last night. He wasn't there, but she took to wandering into his room when she needed him. (He usually left his door unlocked; he was a trusting guy, and there was nothing to steal anyway.) And she knew where he was anyhow; he was studying in the Humanities Library for that sociology exam he had today.
Luckily her exams were over, and she was go to home in two days, which left her time for preparations.
But just then, she wanted to tell Charles.
He'd gotten back at around 5 a.m., and discovering her still crying on his bed, he held her through some tears, piqued her with some remark to get her angry with him instead of her parents, and talked to her softly until she slept.
He spent the night before his last exam sleeping on his floor.
It was very boyfriendish, she'd concluded.
Jane Bonnet was never the source of gossip, and if she wasn't careful, she would be dangerously immersed in it.
And she couldn't do that to Charles.
He had something going with Marian Dashwood right now. It looked good, from what the gossip vine said. And if Marian knew about last night, she wouldn't understand. No, few would understand.
He'd already gotten her through a lot of the crap lately; they'd enjoyed Thanksgiving together, and he'd helped her through the past few weeks, pushed her to keep on pushing herself, to ignore the pain that seemed to be pushing at her heart a lot.
No, she couldn't do anything to him.
"Feeling better, Janie?" he came in, taking her in his arms, automatically. When he'd woken up, and found his bed empty, he was worried. (Could insert crude remark here, but choose not to. Besides, Charles isn't that evil.)
"Yes! Now you get ready for your exam!" Jane said, pushing against his chest. "You have to do well; your getting an A in the course depends upon it..."
Charles laughed, and massaged her back. "I'll have to find out your sources some time, because I didn't even know that one; I can get an A in sociology?"
Jane smiled. "Yes! But not if you miss the final."
Charles hugged her one more time. "I'll be back at 5:00. Marian and I are going out tonight. Are you sure you don't want to join us? I could quickly set you up with a friend..."
Jane shook her head. "Nah..."
Charles shifted his feet and then looked back at her. "I hope you feel better. I really have to get going..."
Jane sighed. "I'm already feeling a lot better than before. Thanks, Charles. Now go take your final!"
Charlie smiled back roguishly, and then darted back to his room to grab his things.
6:34 p.m.
The dramatic reading was to take place in Austen House's dining hall, at seven.
For the tenth time that evening, Louisa entered the bathroom to check out her outfit. Would nothing look right!?
Sighing in frustration at her last pair of jeans, and the apparently clashing bright red sweater, Louisa was ready to cry.
Georgie entered the bathroom now, Liz following.
Georgie looked Louisa over. "Very pretty, Louisa."
"No! It doesn't work! None of it does!"
Liz paused in her preparations for tonight's date with George Knightley and looked Louisa over. "It looks good, Louisa. Hm..." she cocked her black-skirted hip, putting the closed lipstick tube to her as of yet un-rouged lips. "I have it."
She took a black eyeliner pencil out of her bag, and mascara. "Do you know how to wear makeup?"
"Um...no..." Louisa said helplessly.
Georgie took the items from Liz. "I can do it for her. You look like you need to go somewhere. Important date?" she asked casually.
Liz froze in her activities. Oh dear. Maybe she could lie. If William were to know about her date, he'd just decide that she was the same person he thought she was. But if she were mysterious about this, it'd be even worse. "Not particularly important, but you know, a date..." she said casually.
"You're joking, right?" Jane laughed as she entered the bathroom. "You've been waiting three months for George Knightley and Emma Woodhouse to have a fight! I like the sweater set!" she approved of the dark red soft cashmere.
Liz sighed. I give up. She watched Louisa's mouth, and decided she needed more red, which she generously applied to the frosh's lips. She then sprayed herself with perfume, and left.
Georgie and Jane met eyes, and laughed. Louisa looked at the two of them. "What? Is something wrong with the makeup?"
"No, Liz was right, it makes you look...different. Maybe more sophisticated, I can't decide, but it makes you look very nice," Georgie said.
"We were laughing at Liz!" Jane clarified.
Louisa frowned. "She's a nice girl...what has she done?"
"Well, nothing!" Georgie laughed. "That's what's so funny about it!"
Jane sighed against the sink. "Ever watch Liz and William together?"
"Sure! Liz doesn't say anything, and William growls. It's a rather nasty interaction."
"Yes, well, what would you say if I told you that Liz was absolutely die-hard crazy for my brother?" Georgie asked.
Louisa looked at Georgie, confused. "Your brother? William's your brother? Liz is crazy about William?" She was getting lost trying to make the connections.
Jane and Georgie nodded, blonde heads bobbing in unison. "Totally enamored. Shaken-to-the-core in Love."
"Poor girl..." Louisa sighed.
"Yeah, you're telling me. She still thinks that the whole hall doesn't know..." Jane sighed.
"You mean the whole hall is in on this? Does William know?"
"No, William is entirely too dense," Georgie reassured her. "Plus, he had that final lab report to write."
Louisa pursed her lips. "Then what is she doing, going out with George Knightley?"
"Trying to forget about William," Jane said, matter-of-factly. "Isn't it obvious? I think she's still in denial. Trying to convince herself she can't be in love with him. She's desperate to transfer the affections, I know. She's been on a lot of dates recently..."
Georgie laughed. "And she's been trying to hide that from me; as if I wouldn't like her if I found out..."
"I thought you didn't..." Louisa said.
Georgie leaned against the sink. "I don't know. I like her enough. I just think that it's a hopeless battle to win my brother's affections. Besides, I don't think she wants to do anything about her affections right now; she's too upset at herself for liking him..."
"Poor Liz," Louisa shook her head once more.
"Poor indeed..." Jane said. "Now, I believe Karl has a reading tonight, and you have a man to impress...have you read lots of Jane Austen before?"
Louisa shook her head.
"You should, you know..." Jane put her arm around both freshwomen's shoulders. "Jane's his favorite writer..."
9:04 p.m.
William flossed his teeth. He was going to bed early tonight. What a relief. The term was over, and he was going to enjoy his next few days, before being forced back "home".
Liz entered, disgusted. She couldn't even last past dinner!
Oh, George Knightley was very nice, and all, but...
Oh, he was too nice! She was expecting him to make some antisocial remark, some scoff at her. ANYTHING RESEMBLING MEANNESS!!!
Finding William in the bathroom only served to make her feel worse; she'd already changed out of her stunning outfit. She now stood in sweats. Of all days to not have her elegant silk pajamas.
She wanted to scream with frustration. Instead, she slinked to the sink, and proceeded to brush her hair.
"Good evening."
Silence.
"How are you?" she asked.
Silence.
"I said," she turned to him, glaring. "How are you?"
"Antisocial," he said.
"I get like that too sometimes..." she began, conversationally.
"Could have fooled me..." he said, as he finished, and exited.
She wouldn't cry. Stupid jerk.
Love stinks. she took out her contacts.
Wow, her eyes stung. Must have been something in the contacts. Her eyes were really irritated. In fact, so irritated she started to cry. Why did she have to love such a big jerk?
Why did Crysty have to make him such a big jerk?
George entered now, finally ready to relax (and believe me, after all the stress he's been through, he had to warm up and prepare himself to relax). Seeing the crying Liz, he immediately associated it with all the current gossip (which he just caught up on); she was in love with William, and he could bet that William had just been a big jerk.
"You know he's never really been nice to anyone before..."
Liz straightened her back, aware of someone new in the bathroom. "I don't care! I don't care anything about whoever you're talking about! I have no idea what you're talking about!" she stormed out of the bathroom.
George sighed. Oh dear.
And he would have continued to feel sorry for her except for the entrance of his cousin Georgie, who, upon seeing him, got a sudden angry flare in her eyes.
"What did I do?" George asked.
"Sure, I need to get to know Lydia, and be more social. What about you? What a hypocrite!"
"I thought you liked Lydia..." George said, eyes narrowing.
"I do, which is why I'm really mad at you for hurting her!"
George turned to Georgie. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that the girl is hurt that you don't ever talk to her anymore. She..." Georgie couldn't speak anymore without revealing her friend's feelings, and she would die before that happened. (Secrets, she found, gave pleasure not only to those who had them, but to those who they shared them with...another trite detail from adolescence she had missed out on)
George could infer, however, and he could also read Georgie's face. "I mean, Lydia's a nice little girl. Very sweet, very attractive. But you know I'm not into the relationship scene too much; I don't know what to do! I've been busy too...I'm a junior..."
"I can't believe this," Georgie scowled.
"What?" George said, washing his hands.
"You're a snob."
George turned to Georgie. "WHAT?"
"You heard me. Can you hear yourself? 'I'm a junior, and she's just a frosh...'"
"You know I didn't mean it that way...it's just I have a lot more things to get done...and I've been busy. I met Lydia when I had some time to get to know people. She is a nice girl. I like her. I'm attracted to her, and I have a pretty good idea that she's attracted to me. But I don't really know how to explore that right now, nor do I have the time..."
Georgie's eyes narrowed.
"Don't start, Georgie. It's not as if I set out to hurt her deliberately. I'm not interested in a relationship right now. Period. It's not her. I'm sorry, but I really need some rest right now. I'm about to fall over. So please, let me be," he exited.
The rest of the night passed rather uneventful in the bathroom, but the (calendar) year at Austen House would finish rather unfulfilled, in most quarters. A pity there was so much angst. Angst can really ruin a much-anticipated vacation.
Second term opens Austen House's Fifth South bathroom to a few changes.
The first that probably affects the Liz and William romantics the most: Liz and William don't have coinciding schedules, and therefore should use the bathroom at different hours now. (key word: should)
The second which is probably more interesting: Two minor characters had not gotten along and one had moved out. And so, a transfer student from California moved in.
Maryland "My Trees!" Bennyt is 5'11", very blond, and very beautiful. She's as thin as a stick too, I might add. However beautiful she is, she isn't of the special sparkle that is Lottie Lucas, but her pretty looks could garner her a nice "girl next doorish" status.
Maryland (or as she is determined to be called here, Mary, as her previous nickname, Landie, got on her nerves) is a fanatic about the Earth. She's a sophomore, majoring in environmental engineering (perhaps the author will explore the majors of our other characters some other time) and is determined to save the planet.
She also was known for some really extremist activities at her previous university (which I would explore, except that I don't know them.) Anyhow, rumor had it that she was kicked out of her old school after some big event at the botanical gardens (I think she was trying to free the trees). The authoress doesn't know, but she'll leave the reader to decide for him/herself.
Mary has an overwhelming need to feel "pure" in her mouth. She brushes her teeth at least five times a day; her teeth must be pure. It wastes water, of course, and she feels badly, but she must stay pure. Her frequent visits to the bathroom often coincide with Bill's preening schedule (Hmmm....) Bill has suspected her of trying to catch his secrets, but she has shown no leaning towards that inclination.
Mary's current impressions of Austen House's Fifth South: At least the bathroom is clean.
The people are relatively nice.
Her First Impressions: (she finds it hard to remember names, so she comes up with descriptive alliterations and convenient devices) This is all based on her personal observation and gossip that she's overheard (in the bathroom, of course)
The "full" frosh: Lonely Lydia is full of angst. Amazing Annie is full of fun and strength. Country Caroline is full of corn, literally and figuratively. (Whatever that means...authoress is not sure of it herself) Learning Louisa is full of smite. (for a guy, Mary's own personal opinion) Glamorous Georgie is full of herself.
The "secretive" sophs: Jubilant Jane secretly loves Charming Charles, though Mary doesn't think she knows it. Charming Charles secretly loves someone, but Mary has no idea who. Lovelorn Liz is trying to keep her love for William Darcy a secret, but that's not working. Knowing Karl doesn't have secrets; no time for them.
The "jerk" juniors: Gotta-go George is a jerk because of something with one of the frosh on the floor (Georgie? Annie? It's confusing; they all treat him like dirt). Worst William is a jerk because of something with Liz? "Beautiful" Bill is a jerk because he just is.
The "sappy" seniors: Lovely Lottie and Comely Colonel are sappy with each other.
So vacation hasn't really changed our main characters, as you can see, since Mary's first impressions are very much true to what was going on before.
The Third development! (which is by far, for the authoress, the most fun, and most far-reaching) Lydia developed a love for Madonna over vacation, and now blares lots of Madonna. As her room is around the corner from the bathroom, everyone can hear it (and the story now officially has a soundtrack...wouldn't want to be left behind Keeper of the Stars =) ).
What the occupants of Austen's Fifth South did not know was they all had a subconscious love for the Michigander (Note: Yes! Madonna's from Michigan! Isn't that oh so cool?). The morale of the hall went up considerably.
The authoress does profess to love Madonna very much. The reader may not know all these songs, but our authoress has tried to keep our residents' tastes to be inclined to famous 80s and of course pretty 90s Madonna. The authoress strongly advises you to listen to these songs, as she loves them very much...(Jane Austen must be rolling in her grave right now)
And so, in celebration of Madonna, their favorite songs: (plus, this small expository section is shorter than the others, and it must catch up!)
Lydia: "Take a bow" (Grrr...George...)
Annie: "Get into the Groove" (Annie's becoming shockingly friendly and energetic...Caroline's influence?).
George: "Ray of Light" (Grr...time and schedules...)
Charlotte: "Crazy for you" (Sappy people...*sigh*)
Bill: "VOGUE" (Was there any doubt?)
Karl: "VOGUE" (The only thing he'll ever have in common with Bill...utterly random taste, but Karl is an odd boy)
Colonel: "Holiday" ('Cuz he's always happy =) )
Georgie: "Material Girl"
Caroline: "American Pie" (though is rather partial to the Don McLean...gotta stick with those pure American folk tastes...)
Louisa: "Who's that Girl" ( =) )
Charles: "Like a Prayer" (Feelings for Jane?)
Jane: "True Blue" (Some reason...)
Mary: "La Isla Bonita" (But of course!)
Elizabeth: "Frozen" (Grrrrr...William...)
William: "Express Yourself" But really, (This was the biggest surprise and cause for much angst and revolutionary ideas in the bathroom) EVERYTHING! He LOVES Madonna! Seeing Lydia develop tastes for his favorite artist, he started talking with her more, and they have had many conversations, to the dismay of Liz, who grows more and more depressed...
And with that, we shall start the next part...
January 15, 11:23 a.m. Saturday of Martin Luther King Day weekend (they have a long weekend)
She stood at the mirror, trying to carefully remove the evidences of moisture from her eyes.
Liz wasn't crying. Of course not. When she put in her contacts, well, there was something in her eye that made them very irritated, and tears just wouldn't stop coming out of her eyes.
The weekend was off to a horrible start. She had to go to a stupid brunch with lots of people who she didn't really like, not anymore.
The society of people who no longer interested her was getting to her; in fact, many times, she thought to give up on rich people altogether! It wasn't working; she was still absolutely crazy about William!
Madonna's "Material Girl" blared from Lydia's room, and Liz narrowed her eyes at the door of the bathroom, and sobbed into the Kleenex once more. That used to be her favorite song! And look at what love did to her! And her makeup! Look at what she'd done! She'd have to go and reapply the makeup once more.
She was about to leave when the door opened, and she ducked her head down to the sink, and pretended to wash her face.
Of course, Lydia and William. Of course he would choose only one person on the floor to be friends with now, and she had to be a girl, and she'd not be Liz.
"This lunch with your parents, are you sure they won't mind?"
William shrugged his shoulders. "Who cares?"
His parents? She's meeting his parents! She couldn't towel her face enough! The water just seemed to sporadically appear every time she tried to dry her face.
William was standing in the bathroom, dressed nicely about to tie on her favorite tie (never mind that it was his only tie, in Liz's belief). He still didn't know how to tie his tie. She'd volunteer to tie it.
"Let me get that for you," Lydia said, as she took the tie, tied it around her neck, loosened it and put it over his head, and pulling the knot tightly.
And Lydia looked so nice and pretty in her sweater and dress pants. Why hadn't Liz thought of wearing dress pants? They were very fashionable, but she'd always thought that men liked demure pretty women, very feminine...
And how she was too late. Lydia got him.
William checked his reflection. "Thanks, Lyd..."
He never thanked me! He never called me some special nickname! Oh dear, the water would never dry from her face! Liz left quickly.
Lydia watched the other young woman exit. Oh, it did look bad, didn't it? But Liz had to understand, she needed William right now. He was such a good friend, and William never talked about personal matters; it was a relief not to be gushing and obsessing about George. She'd talk to Liz about it. She hasn't had time to, though; William wanted to spend so much time with her! It was as if he didn't want her to spend time with anyone else; she never even saw the other frosh...
George now entered, tying his own neck tie for the lunch.
Lydia decided to leave, NOW. (She'd taken to avoiding him; if she avoided him, he wasn't a problem. It wasn't hard...he was never around to avoid anyhow) "I'm going to get my coat now...see you in a few in front of your room..." Lydia said, moving to the door. William moved to follow, but Lydia shook her head. "I think I can fend for myself."
George frowned after her. "She's coming with us?"
"Yes," William said. "You said that I needed to get to know more people on the floor. And I have to thank you..."
George smiled confusedly, "All right," and exited to take off his flip flops get on some socks and dress shoes.
Georgie now entered, winter coat on, checking her reflection. Her blond hair flowed across the collar of the elegant wool coat, and she adjusted her beret. "It's snowy outside..."
"Could you tell Lydia that? She needs to wear boots or something protective..."
"Lydia's coming? You seem to spend a lot of time with her lately..."
William shrugged, continuing in the combing of his hair meticulously.
"You care about your appearance more too..."
"I suppose I do," he remarked.
Georgie watched her brother, as he exited. Something was up.
George reentered checking his appearance more time, and putting on his wool coat.
"There's something going on with Lydia and William..." Georgie said, cautiously.
George smiled. "About time William started to get to know people. And Lydia could always use another friend."
Georgie frowned. This was not the response she was looking for. "Don't you care at all?"
George scowled. "I don't know what you're talking about..."
Georgie tried to phrase it right, and decided not to go with his sentiments for Lydia (which appeared to dwindle exponentially for some unknown reason) "You kissed her hand!" was all she could say.
Well, that blew her cover.
"A few months ago. And I'm sure others have kissed her hand. Come on, it's a gallant gesture. I have respect for Lydia...I kiss her hand...whatever..."
"You led her on..."
"I didn't do anything..."
Georgie scoffed, but realized that this approach was not working. "What about Liz? Surely you understand that Liz must be hurting with this whole development!"
Liz at that moment entered the bathroom, examining her new makeup job. "What development?"
Georgie looked at her guiltily.
"If you're talking about the fact that your friend and your brother are getting together, I don't see why I should be concerned. I never cared for the blackguard..." Liz said. Ack! Where was the Kleenex? Her efforts with the eye shadow and mascara would go to naught soon if she could not get some stupid Kleenex. She ran out of the bathroom.
Georgie followed Liz's exit. "Look at her!"
"She's in a rush," George said, very unperceptive, as he turned to his cousin. "Come on, Georgie. I wish you'd care for your own grades and stuff as much as you seem to like interfering with other people. You like Lydia. Your brother likes her. I don't see a problem here." With that, he exited.
Georgie rolled her eyes. "Insensitive jerk!" she muttered under her breath as she followed him.
1:15 p.m.
Mary Bennyt entered, going straight to the shower to rinse off her feet; she'd been at the gardens earlier today, protesting the construction of a greenhouse: the prison of plants in a house of glass and steel. They'd be suffocating in the heat! And to be mocked by the sight of the outside world and to not be able to go out. She'd uprooted dormant winter shrubs and "freed" them this morning, and her feet were rather dirty. (She doesn't like wearing shoes, as they're SO harsh to the ground, EVEN IN THE COLD OF JANUARY!!!!!!!)
She then proceeded to brush her teeth.
Bill Collins exited the shower.
They promptly ignored each other, as they always did, and went on with their daily lives. (Mary had a letter to the Congress to write opposing the principle of having a "state flower"...flowers are everyone's property...certainly not the government's!)
3:34 p.m.
Annie and Caroline came in and immediately went to the sinks, turning on the hot water, and washing their almost numb hands. They'd been working the soup kitchens today, and now were warming up.
"I feel good. I'm so glad you decided that we ought to do this..." Annie said.
Caroline smiled. "Yeah, I wish the others could have joined us this time...oh well, next month. Lydia and Georgie wanted in...but you know..."
Annie's face darkened. "I don't like what's happening with Lydia..."
Caroline paused in her actions. "Margaret May Sampson, back at home, had this phase with pigs. All she'd ever do would hang out in the mudfields, watching them. Named each one too...but she eventually went back to us. Lydia's the same..."
"You mean she's hanging out with a pig..." Annie muttered.
"No, that she'll come back. Come on, Annie, you know that you're just jealous that she doesn't hang around us anymore. Scratly felt that too about Margaret May..."
"Scratly?"
"Margaret May's pet chicken," Caroline said. "William is not so bad. Why, in my hometown..."
Annie smiled. "You had a William Darcy there? I certainly hope not..."
Caroline sighed. "Well, that was a mess, but it all straightened itself out."
"But still, it is awful for Liz..."
Liz at that moment entered. "NO! I'm FINE! GET IT!?" She left, and continued back to her room.
Caroline looked after Liz, and turned to Annie. "I'm not worried about her."
Annie frowned. "Why not?"
"Well, back in my hometown..."
Annie laughed. "Sure! I have to visit that hometown of yours sometime..."
5:45 p.m.
"You know," she slinked at the door of the bathroom. " 'It's a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.' "
The slow, lazy tones had no effect on the occupants of the bathroom: Bill continued to preen, and Mary continued to brush her teeth.
"Dang. Where's Karl?" Louisa asked, entering the bathroom, looking around.
"Behind you," Karl said. "You're reading Pride and Prejudice?" he smiled. "That's wonderful!"
Come-on Line FAILED!
"I have some time tonight, Louisa..." he said. "Caroline and Annie are out for groceries, and Lydia and Georgie and George are still out. Jane and Charles are up north skiing in the Berkshires, so I was wondering if you'd want to get some dinner" Louisa beamed, "and I could help you with some thermo tonight..." he completed.
Of course. Oh well, Louisa was from a family of wise people. "Of course, that'd be great. Thermodynamics...grrrr...wait. Charles and Jane are gone? I was wondering where they were going with all that stuff last night..."
"Yeah, well Marian is out this weekend playing real hockey with the college team, two away games. And Charlie and Jane don't get that much time to hang out, and Charlie's family loves Jane, so they invited the two up this weekend on their ski trip."
"That's great!" Louisa said. It worked out so well! Yay timing! Yay real hockey!
Out of no where, Liz appeared. "I'm FINE! OKAY? GET IT?!?!" And left. She was going to cook tonight. She might as well learn now some time. And she did not want to go out on a date. Those were pointless.
All four occupants paused in their activities, and then went back to them. Karl looked after her longer, and Louisa just wished...
"Liz and I used to do our genetics together..." Karl shook his head. "Poor dear."
When would she get to be a "dear"? Louisa shook herself of those thoughts. Why did she ever have to like such a nerd? "I'm glad you have time tonight, Karl..." she said as they exited.
Suddenly, Mary looked at Bill. Bill looked at Mary. They fell in love.
6:36 p.m.
"You were gone for a while..." Annie remarked, as Lydia entered the bathroom, finally free of the tedious afternoon. She rinsed out a dish she was to use to cook tonight.
"Yeah..."
"What were you up to?"
"Well, lunch was great...then we had to go up north and visit William and Georgie's Aunt, Katherine. WHAT a headache...she kept us there for a while...had to give each of us life advice..." Lydia pursed her lips. "Did I miss dinner? Did you and Caroline already cook?"
"Lydia?" William poked his head in the bathroom. "We're going out for dinner, the two of us, in about fifteen minutes..." Before she could say anything, he left.
Lydia looked after him helplessly. Annie shrugged, keeping her tone casual, remembering Caroline's placidness. "He calls. We're cooking. Maybe you can get some leftovers...maybe I can just leave some in your mailbox," she said, as she exited.
That was harsh, Lydia watched Annie. She felt horrible. It was as if the whole hall was in a confused blurry mess...there was Liz and William sentiment, and Lydia knew she was subject for a lot of anger too. But her friends...she didn't like NOT being with them.
But what was she to do? William needed a friend. It was so obvious. He never hung out with anyone else, except George, and everyone knew George was entirely too busy.
9:17 p.m.
"Please, Karl, NO MORE!" Louisa whined, retreating into the bathroom, after too much adiabatic processes. How could she have ever been so crazy about this guy?
Karl laughed and went to pat her head, but Louisa took his hand before that, and threaded their fingers together. Karl's eyes almost flashed something, and Louisa's brow quirked in challenge.
George entered, and smiled at the two. "Hey Karl, Louisa." Karl immediately dropped Louisa's hand.
"What are you doing home now? Only no-lives like us are supposed to be here," Louisa said, as she frowned to see Karl stuff his hands in his pockets.
"Nothing else to do, I guess. Georgie went to hang out with Caroline and Annie when we got back, and William and Lydia went out. I'm actually free tonight. I guess I need something to do."
Karl smiled. "Care to join us?"
"What are you doing?"
"Thermo..." Louisa rolled her eyes, and felt threatened. She liked their solitude.
George put up his hands, palms facing them. "I don't think so...I did not take thermo..."
Karl laughed. "Well, I was thinking we'd watch a movie now. You've worked hard, Louisa. It is a long weekend. We should be enjoying it..." he smiled down to her.
Her heart would have beat faster, but it was so obvious that he made this move not to make it more romantic, but to let her have a break.
Liz poked her head in. "I'm FINE!" She left.
George looked after her. "We could ask Liz to join us..."
"She's pretty antisocial right now...I think we'd better leave her alone..." Karl said. "I asked her earlier this afternoon if she wanted to hang out and she blew up and left for a walk..."
Louisa's face darkened. Before he asked me to hang out... She cleared her throat. "I think I want to be with my sister and the other frosh now."
Karl looked back down on her. "What?"
"Um. It's been nice, but if we're not going to study, I think I want to hang out with my friends."
Karl watched Louisa exit, and then turned to George. "What say you? Want to do something?"
George shrugged.
11:21 p.m.
Liz washed her face. I'm fine... I'm fine... I'm fine... I'm fine... I'm fine...
Why couldn't she believe herself?
Frustrated, she threw water in her face once more. And then threw water all around the bathroom, sent a large growl in frustration at the walls in general, and sunk to the floor.
It could have been melodrama. Or jealousy that touches one to the core; the type that sends one in odd rages like this one that make no sense.
She got up. I will be composed!
She went back to her room to dwell.
As she left, she muttered "I'm fine" to Georgie, who watched after her, concerned.
Annie followed.
"I'm worried about Liz..."
"Don't worry..." Annie said. "Caroline told me that it's all going to be ok...something like that happened in her hometown. Something with pet chickens or something like that?" Oh dear, she couldn't recall anything.
"The Power of Goodbye" played now as Lydia entered the bathroom, washing her hands. She was laughing, probably at some joke William had told.
The other two girls stiffened, suddenly very aware.
As if there was an intruder in their midst... Lydia noticed. "I...I..."
"Lyd, what's wrong?" William followed her into the bathroom, arm around her shoulders, possessively. He glared at the other two.
"I'm FI-" Liz began, poking her head in, and then stopped. She wasn't fine at all. She ran back away.
Georgie threw her arms up in disgust with her brother, and exited. Annie looked at Lydia, "See you, Blondie."
She'd never heard her use the phrase that way...Lydia looked after them.
William shook his head. "What are you looking so glum about? Come on; we want to finish the Madonna scrapbook, don't we?" he smiled.
Lydia nodded silently, and took comfort that his arm remained around her shoulders as he guided them out of the bathroom.
12:42 a.m.
It was by far the most interesting, most satisfying and most stimulating evening either had experienced. As Bill preened beside his Mary, who was brushing her teeth, he sighed at how odd life was.
She wasn't as beautiful as him, but there was just something about her that appealed to him. That just cried out to him for protection.
(Never mind that she had mad tae kwon do skills...and had defended him today when a belligerent drunk had gone at his face...)
Bill was content. He'd found a soulmate.
Mary, she was happy too.
2:13 a.m.
"You haunt the bathroom quite a bit..." Georgie remarked casually, leaning against the wall, as Liz came in to wash her face once more.
Liz jumped. "Um, hello."
"It's a little late."
"Who are you, my Mom?"
Georgie shook her head. "I want to talk to you."
Liz paused in her actions. "It's late, and to be honest, I resent most people with the name Darcy..."
"Not people...just one guy. My brother," Georgie said. "I don't blame you. He's treated you abominably."
Lottie now entered, having spent the whole day out snow shoeing with Colonel, who followed quickly. Lottie, taking in the situation immediately, held Liz, who allowed herself to cry in Lottie's arms.
Liz was never afraid of crying in front of Lottie.
Colonel looked to Georgie. William?
Georgie nodded, anger at her brother growing. You won't believe how many wrong things can happen when you guys go away.
Colonel shook his head. They shouldn't have gone out snow shoeing today...not when it was so obvious that they'd be needed.
Colonel sighed in exasperation. I need news...
Georgie assented. But I need time with her first... she gestured with a nod towards Liz.
Colonel understood, and gently went to Lottie, and massaged her shoulders. Lottie turned to him, and he grimly nodded. Georgie approached them, and Lottie transferred the crying bundle to Georgie's shoulders.
Colonel guided the tired Lottie out, arm around her shoulder, hand in its casual position at the curve of her waist. She loved that feeling. It was always such a comfort to feel.
It had been a long day for her, and she needed rest herself.
Georgie let Liz cry, who was not aware that she was not crying with Lottie anymore.
Liz looked up. Seeing the sister of the man she so ardently loved and hated at the same time, she straightened up. Those green eyes. William had those same green eyes.
She hated green. "Leave me alone, Georgie."
Georgie stood her ground. "I waited around here for you for a reason. I want to talk to you about William."
"I don't want to talk about William. Everyone wants to talk about William."
"Because we're all worried. Liz, you can be all light and happy, but we all know."
Liz shook her head. "You know nothing, then. I don't care if William goes out with the Princess of Borneo."
"Liz, I know we didn't hit it off...but I want to know I'm on your side. William's a jerk."
Liz looked at Georgie, who turned, and exited the bathroom.
Liz felt better, somehow.
The bathroom did too. It's about time someone stopped that girl from always opening the doors and yelling like that. It was really annoying.
Which involves a body of water in a different way...
To be acted out in one scene (You can try it at home! I did, with my lovely assistant/roommate!)
SETTING: The bathroom of Fifth South in Austen House (But of course). Late 90s, early nothings...say around February, spring term.
CHARACTERS: (in order of appearance, and we might as well fantasize about handsome young actors and actresses acting it out...the actors and actresses chosen are not so much chosen for acting ability as for just the principle)
Liz - Madonna (still in that phase, I guess)
Georgie - Jodie Foster (a younger version would be nice)
Annie - Jane Austen (had she still been alive)
Bill - Ewan McGregor (Margaret D insisted he get a role, but she didn't specify which...)
Maryland - Margaret D (though I will NOT write a kissing scene in this for her! But you may want to observe her character closely)
George - Elijah Wood. (because.)
Colonel - Prince Carl Philip of Sweden ('cuz he's in the Navy and he's the only one I knew who would not have to "train" for the part...I looked him up on line!)
Charlotte - Crysty!!!! (I get to have fun too! Massive plastic surgery and Human Growth Hormone injections involved)
Karl - Macaulay Caulkin (Because I have no idea what happened to him)
Louisa - random girl named Chloe (I don't know her either)
Caroline - Jude Law (because he's gorgeous)
Charles - Cary Grant (less dead)
Jane - Audrey Hepburn! (less dead too, but she's gorgeous any way you film her, really)
Lydia - Reese Witherspoon (because her name is cool)
Mrs. Reynolds - John Cusack (Why not?)
William - Pete Sampras (a younger version...Crysty's current crush...)
(The bathroom is brightly and garishly lit, the scents of toothpaste mint and shampoo mingle in the air, and the heat is unbearable this February)
(Enter LIZ)
LIZ: I love William but he's so mean. He's with Lydia. (proceeds to brush teeth, as if Madonna didn't have perfect teeth, but never mind.)
(Enter GEORGIE)
GEORGIE: (aside) William just told me the news! Oh dear! I feel horrible! I don't have anything against Lydia, but Liz is Madonna! (to Liz) Lydia is to be mistress of Pemberley!
(LIZ gasps)
(Enter ANNIE)
ANNIE: It is a truth universally...I mean...yeah. Bye now. (exits)
(Enter BILL and (inevitably) MARY)
BILL: (to Mary) I LOVE YOU!
MARY: Let's get married!
BILL: Um...cue cards? Director? Writer? Detach her.
(Detach MARY. MARY frowns.)
(Enter GEORGE)
GEORGE: I don't feel anything for anybody, but if someone told me to love Lydia, I would.
(Enter COLONEL)
(Enter COLONEL)
(Enter COLONEL)
(Enter COLONEL)
(Enter COLONEL)
(Some things just have to be done more than once.)
(Enter CHARLOTTE!!!! (cue "Dress You Up in My Love"))
EVERYONE: We love you Charlotte!
CHARLOTTE: I love you all too! But I love my Colonel the most!
(COLONEL and CHARLOTTE kiss. MARY fumes that she gets no kissing scene. Too bad for her, 'cuz COLONEL and CHARLOTTE kiss for the rest of the scene! *sigh*!)
(Enter KARL)
KARL: I heard that Lydia is not taking care of Pemberley too well.
(Enter LOUISA)
LOUISA: Karl, you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
KARL: (stunned) Oh Dear. I would argue, but there is no time in this short 5 minute play to argue. I love you too! We shall be married at once! (kisses LOUISA, and they exit)
(Enter CAROLINE)
(MARY looks longingly between BILL and CAROLINE (remember, he's Jude Law))
CAROLINE: CORN! (exits)
(LIZ is sad. COLONEL and CHARLOTTE are still making out.)
(Enter CHARLES and JANE)
CHARLES: (to Jane) Now break it gently...
JANE: LYDIA HAS MURDERED MRS. REYNOLDS!
CHARLES: (to Jane) That's not what I meant.
JANE: I want you to love me.
CHARLES: I do.
JANE: Great. Let us get married! (they exit)
(LIZ is in shock. Lydia has murdered Mrs. Reynolds! MARY is upset; everyone is getting married or is making out except her and BILL, who remains at safe distance and FULLY CLAD)
(Enter LYDIA with MRS. REYNOLDS's corpse)
(LIZ stares)
(GEORGE drops bad attitude and decides he's in love with her.)
GEORGIE: You KILLED Mrs. Reynolds?
LYDIA: (goes to bathroom and flushes MRS. REYNOLDS. Exit MRS REYNOLDS) I didn't mean to. She was old. I can get a new one, right?
(Enter WILLIAM)
WILLIAM: Where's Pemberley?
LYDIA: (holds up fishbowl) Here. (hands it to him)
WILLIAM: But Mrs. Reynolds...where is she?
LIZ: (steps forward) I'm afraid she's no longer with us.
WILLIAM: (stares) You're Madonna!
LYDIA: (stares at them. Then turns to George) I love you!
(GEORGE catches her in passionate kiss, sweeps her off her feet and they run of and get married)
WILLIAM: I worship you!
LIZ: All right. Well, we can get together now.
WILLIAM: Great.
(They kiss and exit)
(GEORGIE, happy that they're finally together, exits)
(MARY sneaks a kiss for BILL anyway. BILL runs out, and MARY follows)
(CHARLOTTE and COLONEL still make out.)
THE END (of the play, not the story)
This is in case you were impatient with the authoress and couldn't wait to see everyone together. Sorry, next part does not begin in Acapulco with everyone together; that'd be too easy. And besides, Ewan's contract was up. We can't afford everything, you know. Or else I'd have another butler and Margie another boy toy. The next part will pick up where the last part left off.