Beginning, Previous Section, Section IV
Jump to new as of July 20, 2000
Jump to new as of July 24, 2000
Jump to new as of July 26, 2000
She sprayed the fragrance into the air and danced around in it, absolutely elated with the day. She turned to William, who stood, frozen in his actions. "Yes?"
"Um, you sure you don't want any?"
Liz stared at the tube.
And shook her head.
"Are you SURE you don't want my toothpaste?" William asked, insisting.
Awwww...she just wanted to hug him. He was so adorable. As he should have been. "I'm sorry, but I'm very particular about the brand of toothpaste that I use," she smiled stunningly.
"But of course..." he smiled congenially, feeling the rejection fresh and harsh in his face.
"LIZ!" Georgie burst in to the bathroom. "You have to help me; Annie won't get away from my computer. She's attacking Mr. Knightley!" (her computer)
Liz immediately spit out her toothpaste. "Didn't I tell you girls that those websites were fluff? Stay away from them! How much is the gown that she is looking at now?"
"Beyond way too much," Georgie sighed, exasperated. "I tried; why don't you?"
Liz put away her things and went to do her duty and Georgie approached her brother. "Leave Liz alone!"
William considered mangling his sister. "Listen to me, Georgie. You don't understand. I love that girl. I want to ask her out."
Georgie shook her head. "Over my dead body."
"But I'm harmless."
"Harmless? Ask Lydia for a second opinion."
William frowned, as his sister left the bathroom.
Liz now returned, guiding Annie to the sink, and splashing water in her face.
Annie took deep breaths, and looked up surreptitiously. Her strict orders were to not leave Liz alone with William.
William was glaring at her. Good; he ought to be. "Don't you have a class to go to or something?" she asked William, exasperatedly, while she stood up.
William looked at the two women. He went for the door, but before leaving, sent a Look to Liz, forcing her to acknowledge: Later. His sister could try as she might, but all frosh had physics lectures.
Liz smiled triumphantly after him.
She smiled at Annie. "You better?"
Annie grinned. "I think so."
The ladies burst out laughing, and linked arms, leaving the bathroom together.
Charles entered to prepare for the school day. He grumbled to the mirror and stared at himself.
What had happened to him?
Being in love hardly suited him.
For it was certainly love. No one kisses and goes to Jupiter without it being real love.
He started on the mouthwash. As Colonel came in and went to the showers, he smiled and waved, and went back to his mouthwashing activities with diligence.
He was crazy in love with Jane. He had been for quite some time. When she passed the gravy to his mother and smiled that winsome Janie smile, he knew he'd found someone very special.
As the subject of his thoughts entered the bathroom, he choked on his mouthwash in his enthusiasm to greet her.
Jane smothered a laugh, and entered the showers. That just made her day.
He'd avoided her for a while, and after that lurked. And after that, admired. And still he had said nothing to her. NOTHING.
But plusses like these made that nothing worthwhile. They were little jewels out of nowhere. Like the toy surprises in cereal. Or the marshmallows in Lucky Charms, only not as plentiful.
Charles spit out the mouthwash and cleared his throat. Well, his throat never felt so fresh and clean in his life!
He glared at Jane's shower stall, and decided to stake it out, and wait for her.
Colonel now entered, humming "True Blue"...the Madonna melody just would not get out of his head! But that was all right, because it was 80s Madonna, and he liked 80s Madonna.
Lydia danced into the bathroom and smiled as she kissed Charles on the cheek and started to brush her teeth.
"You're looking rather pleased with yourself," Charles remarked casually.
"Yes I am...I have a date tonight!"
"Another one?" Colonel asked, concerned.
"Yes, with Robert Ferrars...we're hitting it off rather well..."
"Yes, that's what I'm worried about..." Colonel muttered under his breath. "Have you seen George lately, Lydia?"
Lydia turned to Colonel confusedly. "George? Wickham? No, not at all. Don't you have an important class to attend or something, Charles?"
Charles scowled, remembering, and left swearing under his breath.
George? Wickham? Ouch, that must hurt. Man needs stop hiding behind things... Colonel muttered under his breath.
He took the other shower, checking for the presence of any Georges first. Good, at least the man was getting a life.
George now yawned in his entrance, eyes sparkling with a slight hint of annoyance when they fell on the happy bubbly frosh at the mirror.
He had not had a good night's sleep for days. Always trying to understand how he had been dense enough to let her go in the first place. It just never made any sense! When would it make sense?
And there she was, happily brushing her teeth.
George scowled darkly, and decided to brush his teeth and get ready later; he still had another fifteen minutes before class. Of course he had time!
10:01 a.m.
Persuasion.
Louisa could not get it out of her head as she tossed the water quickly in her face. She'd have time to read one more chapter before going to class if she worked quickly. Her class didn't begin until 11, and if she brushed her teeth and showered fast enough she could get in a good half hour.
Karl entered, and his eyes widened as his gaze fell on the young woman diligently and efficiently brushing her teeth.
Louisa turned to him, and smiled widely. "Greetings!"
Karl smiled back at her, and came forward to lean against the sink, facing her. "I thought you had class at 9," he teased.
"Oh please, you know that I can do electricity and magnetism like the back of my hand. I wanted to have an easy morning..."
"You wanted to read Jane Austen..." Karl shook his head. "What kind of monster have I created?"
Louisa glowed, spit out her toothpaste, and smiled widely at him. "I know you're divided on this issue, so I won't let you answer that question. I'll only tell you that I've never been happier. Thanks Karl," she kissed his cheek. "The captain awaits..." she danced out of the bathroom.
Some love affairs, she mused, opening the door, took nine years to finally conclude. And hers, she was sure, would not last that long. At least she and Karl were better off...
Karl looked after Louisa. She was simply adorable. That impulsive winsome smile suited her, and he shook his head, smilingly. His hand went to his cheek, where he gently brushed her soft kiss off, before proceeding to brush his own teeth.
For some unknown reason, he found himself combing his hair today.
Georgie almost did not recognize him. "Why, Karl! When you comb your hair like that, I think you look really handsome! I think I may have to just steal you away from Louisa."
Karl paused in his activities. Georgie paled. Oh dear. She didn't mean that.
Karl shrugged it off. Hall gossip. He turned to Georgie and aimed his best impersonation of a roguish smile.
Georgie felt her heart flip into her stomach. He was a stunner.
"Georgie, I can't seem to find my..." Caroline entered, and stumbled into her friend. Confused, she looked at the subject of her friend's happy thoughts.
Oh MY.
Karl laughed. "Silly freshwomen. Don't think this as a habit, please. I'll see you girls around..."
Georgie clasped her hands to her heart, and turned to Caroline after Karl had left. "I just know he'd look great in that tux that we saw last night!"
"You mean the double-breasted with the red accents?"
"Of course!"
Both girls giggled. "I hope my husband will look like that..." Caroline sighed.
Lottie now entered, and smiled warmly at the young ladies. "Hello, have you been wasting time in those websites again? Ladies, ladies..." she shook her head.
"Don't worry, Lottie, we are still watching our grades...kinda." Georgie hugged Lottie. "Anyhow, we've got to go to class, and you've got to dance around and act very elated and entirely too happy. Goodbye, Lottie."
Lottie kissed both girls on the cheek and sent them off, and looked at herself in the mirror.
Yes, engagement suited her very well. She never looked so pleased with herself in her life.
Bill came to preen, but upon seeing Lottie daydreaming in front of the mirror, rolled his eyes and exited. He hated to preen when there were prettier people in the bathroom.
Mary, knowing the coast was clear, entered.
Lottie turned to her. "Bonjour."
Mary smiled courteously.
"You are not as gushy and happy as the others...why is that Mary?"
"No reason," Mary smiled courteously.
"Oh, Bill," Lottie rolled her eyes. "Let me tell you something Mary. I once had a big crush on this one very beautiful young man; he was a looker, very vain, and very...mmmm...."
Mary looked up from her washing her face.
"Well, he was a jerk. Very selfish."
"And let me guess, you looked at him with that beautiful smile and he fell head over heels in love with you."
"No, he never married. But I got the contract for Versace; he didn't!" Lottie smiled triumphantly.
Mary's brow furrowed in thought. "So I should become a model and steal away his contracts?"
Lottie laughed. "No, you're really adorable. The point of my lesson..."
"Don't tell me...be noble and move on?"
"Trite. The point, belle, is this; if at first you don't succeed; fry him."
Mary's eyes widened.
Lottie smiled. "You did not expect that of me, did you?"
"I'll have to make sure never to make you mad..." Mary said, settling on brushing her teeth.
"You could be a model, too, Mary," Lottie examined Mary's pose by the sink. It was very fluid and natural.
Something appealed.
Mary shrugged. "I don't plan on touting new creams that will hurt my plants."
Lottie shook her head, and went for a shower. "If you say so...but remember the offer stands."
Mary watched the model leave the room, and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her? A model?
She laughed and continued to brush her teeth.
The laugh did not go unnoticed by a minor character who was also in the bathroom at this time. He was of much money and little matter, and immediately, as most do, fell madly in worship of Mary Bennyt, who now exited, and proceeded with her plant-saving day.
2:38 p.m.
"Charles!"
Charles jumped, turned around, and smiled widely. "Hello Janie!"
Jane grinned at his use of the special nickname. How cute. "I was wondering..."
"Yes..." he smiled.
"You took psych some time in the past, yes?"
Charles's happy grin wavered momentarily. Of course, school matters. "Yes, I did."
"Gregory Philips, a frosh on Third North, is working on his final paper, and is unsure of a lot of the details. I told him that I'd get a copy of yours for him to see..."
The sound of her lips uttering a boy's name other than his own frustrated him, and sparked a flame of ardent and acute jealously. "Oh, of course. Um, I can get it."
Jane smiled, and winked. "Sure, thanks. I'm going out for the afternoon, so you can dig it up...I'll stop by around dinner to pick it up tonight?"
Charles tried to shrug noncommittally. "How about dinner tonight, Janie?"
"I have plans," she smiled courteously, and delighted in his badly hidden growl.
And now, the clincher. She approached him, kissed in on the cheek. "See you, darling."
The use of the word as an afterthought. Charles frowned and washed his dishes with more ardor and passion than ever.
Lottie came in, and whistled through her teeth. "You may break that bowl that way."
Charles jumped at her statement, and dropped the bowl in the sink, and glared at her. "Don't you have a class or something?"
"I guess I do."
"Then why aren't you there?"
"Because I finished the exam half an hour early and left. People in love feel invincible."
Charles had something to say to that, but decided to be courteous and made a polite remark on the weather.
"The weather has nothing to do with the situation," Lottie stated, matter-of-factly. "Let's talk about Jane."
Charles glared at her.
"I've spent the past months watching you make a fool out of yourself."
Charles growled.
"Like that's going to do anything," Lottie rolled her eyes. She imitated him, " 'Oh woe is me. I'm in love with a girl who's absolutely beautiful and charming and perfectly deserving of my attentions. Whatever shall I do?'"
"GET OUT!" Charles said.
Lottie grinned. "Why don't you? Out of this bathroom? Out for the afternoon. I hear Jane's helping Mary with a 'Save the Dandelion' protest in front of the football field. Why don't you go help?"
Charles muttered under his breath. "Mind your own business woman."
But he left immediately.
Lottie doubled over in laughter as Colonel came in, and took her in his arms. "What have you been up to now?"
"Nothing..." she smiled, and kissed him on the cheek. "I want to go for a walk by the football field and watch the people weed the field. You're going to escort me."
Colonel rolled his eyes, and followed.
5: 36 p.m.
Liz and Georgie came into the bathroom, laughing at each other.
Both were covered with dirt. "Oh that was so much fun!" Georgie laughed.
William now entered.
Georgie sent a glare to her brother.
William went up to Liz, turned her around.
Surprised to find herself in his arms, she smiled laughingly. "Yes, William?"
"Will you-"
"That's right, William, you wanted help with that bio p set. I think I told Karl about it, and he will help you out. Liz and I have a girls' night out." She loved that phrase. Georgie grinned triumphantly at her brother.
William turned to his sister. "You, quiet."
Georgie protested. "But..."
He turned back to Liz, who now was checking her watch. "Oh, Georgie, I think need to shower quickly. Tell Caroline and Annie to be ready in ten minutes. Lydia is going out tonight, so she won't be joining us. Jane will be getting back soon, and I think she wants in. And I think she may have convinced Mary to come along. Lottie is having dinner with Colonel's parents, so she won't be with us." She then turned to William, and cooed. "See you, William," she put her dirty hand to his cheek and smeared a big "L" on his forehead in dirt.
William, delighted that she touched him, smiled stupidly.
"Now, William, let me take my shower so I can be pretty and clean?"
He grinned, and let her send him off. She was so cute.
After the door closed behind him, the ladies burst out into fresh peals of laughter.
"You think he'll check a mirror soon?"
Liz laughed. "Maybe, maybe not."
6:02 p.m.
In a manner that would have made Liz proud, she spritzed the perfume and elegantly twirled in the mist, smiling and delighting in the scent.
George, trying to concentrate on washing his cup, watched her in awe. Lydia was so absolutely adorable. She turned and sent him a sultry look. "Do I look delectable?"
George felt his throat go dry, and Lydia laughed, and mused. "I haven't seen you around lately. What do you do? Hide?"
George's cup clanged against the sink wall. And cracked.
He swore.
Lydia approached him, and took his hand in hers, and examined it for injury. "Oh, you poor thing."
George cleared his throat. "Yep, that's me. Very poor. Very deserving of your pity. Very much. Should not be left alone."
"Let me go find Karl, then," Lydia said. "Robert will be picking me up soon, so I'm sorry, I can't help."
George pouted like a child.
"You really are adorable," Lydia said, letting his hands go, and going to the door. "Take better care of yourself. See you. Wish me luck!" She twirled elatedly and left.
George stopped holding his "injured hand". What did a guy have to do for attention these days?
10:13 p.m.
He paced the bathroom. Where was she? Didn't she know people could attack her at this hour? Concerned, he checked his watch once more.
William came in and frowned at Charles. "What are you doing still in here?"
"You just came in five minutes ago. Why are you here? I've seen you take a shower, brush your teeth, wash your dishes, water your fichus plant, and wash your shoes in the past hour!"
William cleared his throat. "At least I'm getting useful things done. You, on the other hand, are just standing there like an idiot."
"In my opinion, you're both idiots," Bill said, preening. "Who needs women?"
"WE DO!" Charles said, exasperatedly.
William straightened, "Speak for yourself, you desperate cad! Get a grip on yourself!"
George entered the bathroom, and sighed mournfully.
"What happened to your hand?" William asked.
George looked at his thickly bound hand. "Nothing; but I'm trying to get some sympathies from a certain lady, if you know what I mean."
William's eyes widened. "Yes, of course!" He left the bathroom in search of gauze.
Not to be outdone, Charles followed.
12:37 a.m.
Charles entered, a bandage around his head, covering his left eye. "Oh..." he moaned.
Jane, washing her face, looked at him oddly. "Yes? Charles take that ridiculous-looking bandage off your head. You look like a mummy."
Charles's right eye narrowed, and he took off the bandage.
William limped into the bathroom, ankle wrapped tightly. "Oh...my ankle."
Jane rolled her eyes. "She's not here. But you might want to try her room."
William stood up, straightening his posture. "Okay," he walked out.
Jane sighed and dried her hands on her jeans. "Okay, what's this all about? Did you watch too many macho guy movies tonight?"
Charles shrugged. "No..." he kicked imaginary dirt.
"What do you want, then?"
Charles glared at Jane. "You really need to ask?"
"Amuse me. I want to hear you say it. Slowly, and eloquently."
Charles's eyes widened. Eloquently? "I'll be back in a second."
Jane sighed after him.
Liz came in, noting Charles's hurried exit. Jane grinned. Liz laughed, and decided to postpone her teeth-brushing another fifteen minutes.
Charles came back in. "I wrote a poem for you."
Jane's smile vanished, revealing nothing. "So?"
"there was once a man named stan,"Who's Jan?"
who lived in a garbage can,
he went out one night
and had such a fright
he went all the way home and told Jan."
"I thought women digged poets!"
Jane sighed. "You just don't get it, do you."
Charles crossed his arms. "No, apparently I don't. I'm crazy about you. What do you want me to do?"
"There, that was a good step. Let me show you another," she went to him, and kissed him.
1:23 a.m.
"He WHAT?" Lydia gasped softly.
"A limerick. A very badly written one," Jane laughed.
Liz grinned. "What a sweetie."
Lottie laughed. "See? Did I not tell you?"
Mary watched the women with awe. "You mean..."
Annie turned to Mary. "There's something you must understand about the men of Fifth South...they're..." she giggled. And could not finish.
Georgie winked. "Yes, indeed."
The door opened, and the women jumped back, and went back to looking like they were in the middle of preparations for bed.
George glared at all the women.
Liz stepped forward. "What?"
"I would like to talk to Lydia."
Georgie turned to Annie, who turned to Caroline. Would there be another amusing story before the night was over?
Lottie grinned. "Well, then." She sent a wink to Lydia. Just relax, and let him make a fool out of himself.
Lydia inhaled and nodded. The phalanxes left, and she stood alone, in her flannel pajamas, the same ones that he'd first seen her in.
"I've been wanting to talk to you."
"And you tracked me down just to tell me that?" Lydia rolled her eyes, grabbing her toothbrush.
"Lydia..."
"Yes?"
George shifted his feet, trying to focus on some words. "You complete me."
Lydia's eyebrow quirked. "Oh?"
Their gazes locked. He cracked first. "Come on, it worked for Jerry Maguire."
"So what am I supposed to do now?" she rolled her eyes.
"Well, the ideal situation would be for you to melodramatically deny that you like me..."
Lydia frowned. "All right..." she put the back of her hand to her forehead. "But I don't like you," she sighed exasperatedly, and dropped her arm to her side.
George was grinning ear to ear. She felt her heart tumble over itself. "Now I'm going to sweep you into my arms." He smoothly executed the move. "And I'm going to kiss you."
"Um...not a good idea, I've never been-mmmmmmm..."
George's grin widened as he kissed her into a sweet silence that only lovers can achieve. Lydia's slim arms wrapped around his neck, and she delighted in his kiss.
When he was sure he'd secured her affections, George lifted his head, and Lydia sighed. "Lottie was right..."
"What?"
"It is minty fresh..." she giggled. "Now kiss me again before I yell at you for being so stupid."
Two get-togethers? In the bathroom? How wonderful! The bathroom had to hand it to those ladies. Not only did they set the men on track, but they also kept the bathroom smelling nice and pretty.
The ladies enter with mops.
Liz (in blonde Marilyn Monroe wig with really big orange dress)
I got Lysol
I got sponges
I got my mop-
Who could ask for anything more?
Lottie (50s diner waitress, complete with pink plastic frame glasses, punctuated with finger castanets)
I got my ring
And my Colonel
I got my mop-
Who could ask for anything more?
Lydia, Georgie, Louisa, Annie, and Caroline (dressed as the Spice Girls)
Red fruit rollups,
And white dresses,
You won't find them,
'Round our doors...
Jane (in milk maid costume, with bed sheet over head)
I got Charles,
I got gossip
I got my mop-
Who could as for anything more?
ALL Ladies
Who could ask for anything more?
Enter Men, sans Bill (who would have been the Native American, had he not had a previous engagement), with mops (the VILLAGE PEOPLE)
Colonel (the cowboy)
I got Lottie
Charles (the biker)
I got Janie
Both
I got my mop-
Who could ask for anything more?
Karl (the sailor (or GI))
I got test tubes
George (the policeman)
I got data
Both
I got my lab
Who could ask for anything more?
Will (the construction worker!)
My fair Lizzy,
I really like her,
But you won't find her
'Round my door.
Mary (in toga with olive branches in her hair, stabbed in a bee-hive do.)
I got my trees
In green pastures
I got my mop-
Who could ask for anything more?
The COMPANY
I got Lysol
I got sponges
I got my mop-
Who could ask for anything more?
Who could ask for anything more?
WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE?!?
Liz and Louisa
ME!!!!!
As the year comes to close, and the residents of Fifth South have no time to become infatuated with Liz's newest escapade (and she's been too busy with the hall to be escapading in general, the authoress has decided the running gag of this chapter to be Bill Collins.
Part the Last - Nail Polish Remover (Liz, immortalized)
May 3, 6:45 a.m.
Liz smoothly applied the smelly liquid to cotton and rubbed away the gold and red fluid paint on her fingertips.
Appropriate of the move-out date of most college dorms, the nostalgic music came entirely too early and loud in the morning. "I'll Remember", by Madonna, Lydia had decided, was best for these moments.
Liz turned and smiled to Lydia, who now entered. "How did your finals go?"
Lydia sighed. "Well enough."
"You're sad; why?"
Lydia's eyes widened, then teared up. "The year is over. Things are going to change..."
Freshman melodrama, Liz rolled her eyes. Courteously, though, Liz paused in her activities. "Yes, things are going to change; they must, you know. So you and George are both back in New York this summer?"
Lydia grinned. "Yeah; if George weren't going back, it'd make it so much harder, but as it is, I think we're going to be fine. We're going to go snipe hunting in the Berkshires first...Caroline told me about them. I've got an internship at a law office, and George got a job in Dr. David Ho's lab!" (Dr. David Ho - High supreme ruler of AIDS research)
She was radiant. Liz was almost jealous. She wanted to be radiant too. She mused on that little persistent scrap of paint that refused to wipe away.
Lydia pursed her lips in thought, and considered. Then turned to Liz. "Did you know that William is staying here this summer?"
The bottle of remover was knocked over into the sink, and the contents started to fall out. Liz uttered curses as she grabbed the bottle angrily and set it upright. "Oh?" she said slowly, after.
"Yeah. His post-doc is publishing this summer, and William's name is going to be on the paper too!"
Pride for her crush briefly glimmered in her eyes before she just as quickly smothered it. "How excellent for him."
Lydia grinned. "You're staying this summer too, aren't you?"
Liz shrugged. "Yeah. Working on some protocol in the lab; you won't believe how outdated some of the things they have are. I want to get some stuff revised for them, among other things. Perhaps get a few of my own ideas for experiments, and propose for an undergrad research project next fall. Gotta keep the thesis in mind."
Lydia laughed. "You're going to be a junior. You don't have to worry about those things yet..."
Lottie now entered, sundress and sunglasses in place, and entirely too pretty for such an early hour. Liz groaned. "Please don't say you're already going..."
"Colonel and I are going back to my home in France for two weeks. My older sister Maria is pregnant, and as a younger sister, I must appear and shower her with gifts and very bad baby books with corny names and advice. We will leave for the airport in another fifteen minutes or so."
Lydia turned and hugged Lottie. "George and I are leaving in an hour or so. He offered to drive me home."
Lottie's happy smile quickly vanished as she swept the young freshwoman in her arms. "Oh, my belle...you can't leave yet!"
Lydia's eyes widened. "Lottie...I'm going to miss you..."
Liz's throat constricted, and then she sighed. "Oh, come on, I want in on this too..."
Bill Collins popped his head in. "I'm a running gag!"
The three women looked at the door that now swung closed after him.
"Did he eat too many fruit rollups?" Lydia asked.
"I think he inhaled something..." Liz said.
"I'd say something matronly and wise, but that was just plain ridiculous. He just wants attention."
Lottie looked sadly at Lydia, and traced the curve of her cheek. "Shame on you; you haven't been using my cream."
Lydia blushed, and looked down at her feet. "I ran out. I'll get some more once I get back to New York."
Lottie shook her head. "And pay entirely too much for it? No, I don't let my friends do that. Come along. I have another jar somewhere."
"That reminds me...I have to get my graduation present for you from my room," Lydia said. "I'll go by your room a little later..."
Lydia turned to Liz. "Thanks Liz. I love ya, take care...and good luck."
She turned to leave the bathroom and say tearful and overdramatic farewells to her freshwomen friends down the hall, whom she would see in the fall.
Liz felt her eyes well up.
Lottie noted the tears.
While the past few weeks had been entirely too nerve-wrecking for most of the residents of Fifth South, with the imminent doom of finals, and the inevitable parting of many friends and sweethearts, and the impending end of an era of their college lives, Liz would have been able to crash and rely on someone for support.
But Liz remained the pillar of the hall this spring. She gave advice, and she received the angst of many a college student, making them feel much better.
Now worn out, Liz looked the picture of one who spent entirely too much time dwelling on other people's problems.
Lottie remembered how little she and Jane had been around in the hall. They had left Liz to help the freshmen study and get their acts together for finals. They had left Liz to attack Karl with food and force him to get a good night's rest before the biochem final. They had left Liz to dissolve disputes between stressed-out minor characters. They had left Liz to disinfect the bathroom after Bill had a 4-hour preening session before some big appointment.
Liz was ready to crack.
"You've done a wonderful job this term," Lottie said, taking the girl into her arms. "Oh Liz, you're beautiful, you know that? Beautiful and very generous."
"Generous?" Liz laughed bitterly. "I just have too much time. Should have taken more classes this past term."
Lottie smoothed her hand on Liz's back. "Just cry, now."
Liz stiffened. "I can't cry now. If I can only cry with you around, what's going to happen next year, Lottie? I'm too dependent on you. I can't be."
Lottie shook her head. "That is not good. The people here care about you too."
Liz nodded. "But they have their own problems."
"As do you," Lottie said, as William entered. She turned to William.
William shuffled his feet awkwardly. "What am I to say to you, Lottie? For these past three years, you've been an annoyance, a bane in my existence, always telling to me to do this and that...You took care of me, you know."
Lottie felt the tears threatening, and she threw herself into his arms, and kissed him on the cheek.
It was the first time William Darcy had ever been kissed by a girl, and it took him as quite a surprise. He shrugged off the touch, and cleared his throat. "I hope I get an invitation to the wedding."
Lottie smiled through tears. "Of course you do, you little idiot. It should happen in the fall. Colonel and I have chosen a date," she looked to Liz. "October 5th."
"And until then?"
"We go apartment shopping. Colonel has to do some service. Come this fall I'll be in California."
"Hollywood?" Liz winked.
Lottie laughed. "No, that never appealed. Cal Tech for graduate study, of course. Anyhow, I shouldn't try postponing the inevitable. I have to say goodbye to more people, and you..." she looked at Liz and William each, "have business to finish."
Liz and William looked at each other. William cleared his throat as he approached the mirrors. "So how are you spending this summer?"
"I'm staying here..."
"Oh?" he paused in his activities.
"Yes. I hear you are as well. Congrats on the paper."
"Well," William felt a blush coming to his cheeks, "save that for when the paper is finished."
"Liz..." Georgie swept in.
"Liz, I can't find the skirt I borrowed from you. And I need your help packing..." a panicked Annie entered.
William looked at Liz. "I guess your duty calls."
Liz looked helplessly, and William nodded slowly.
Colonel entered now. Looking around, his gaze fell on William. "Have you seen Lottie?"
"She just was in and out."
"The woman is all over the place," Colonel sighed, aggravated.
William leaned against the sink. "How have you been, Colonel?"
"I've been better. It's been a mess trying to get things done, and with graduation. It would have been best to just stay around until graduation was over, but Lottie wanted to go home very much, so we're going there and coming back before he graduation ceremony."
"Then I hear you're going apartment shopping?"
"Not quite. I've got to go on a research cruise for about a month. Lottie's got a series of photo shoots and fashion shows in London, Paris and some places in Italy, so that should move quickly. And then we'll be back together again, and planning for the wedding."
William smiled. "Wow...people I know are starting to get married..."
"Don't speak so smugly; I don't think you have much longer on the singles market."
8:23 a.m.
"You've got all your toiletries?" Liz asked the Bingly sisters.
They nodded their heads.
"I wish you didn't leave..." Liz sighed. "I wish no one left."
Caroline sighed. "It's like they say back at home..."
Louisa rolled her eyes and interrupted. "Thanks, Liz."
Liz had managed to save Louisa's GPA last term. Because Karl was divided on the Jane Austen issue, he had not seen the detrimental effects on Louisa's grades of her devoted and avid reading of the great authoress.
Liz had been the one to take away Northanger Abbey. Liz had been the one to sit down and read through with Louisa chapter by chapter, the biology textbook so that the freshman would do well. Liz had been the one to help Louisa memorize the trivial facts for history, and Liz had been the one to push and force her to finish the final paper for history she had to turn in. (She had received an "A-"...Liz had not had time to proofread.)
And now, Louisa stared at Liz, and hugged her. "Thank you, Liz. You're a sweetheart."
Liz shook her head, and smiled.
Caroline smiled admiringly at Louisa, while she exited, and turned to Liz. "You and Karl really did a number on her. The people back at home won't recognize her at all. This summer should be lots of fun. I think Louisa wants some time to herself and her books, and me, well I miss home."
"I imagine. You've done well. You deserve it."
"RUNNING GAG! RUNNING GAG!!!!" Bill popped in.
"Did he join a cult?" Caroline said. "You know, there were stores back at home about those people who ate too much lettuce..."
Liz laughed and hugged the freshman.
Caroline smiled in the embrace, and backed away. "Well I have to finish packing."
Liz smiled as Annie entered. "And what are you to do this summer, Annie?"
"I'm going home for a week, then I'm off to stay with Lydia's family this summer; George and Georgie managed to hook me up with a designer this summer, so I can see if fashion is all that it's cracked up to be."
"That's excellent!" (The frosh's tastes in clothing recently taken an improvement exponential in magnitude, and her designs were getting quite brilliant)
"Yeah, tell me about it!" Annie sighed.
Liz sighed, checking her watch. "I have to help one of the minor characters move out. I'll see you, dear," she kissed Annie's cheek, and gently touched her chin. "Take care."
William now entered, and smiled casually to Annie. "Things are all straightened out for the summer?"
All the unresolved energy between Liz and William had taken an interesting turn; both had invested it in the people of the hall. While William also spent more time hiding in his books, and another pet fish named Atticus Finch. He also had taken the time to actually remember people's names. In Annie, he found an unlikely confidant. (As the George/Lydia issue was resolved, she had to take over someone else's love life)
"You going to tell her any time soon?"
William met Annie's eyes. "She is still very busy."
"That's a cowardly excuse."
"Because I'm a coward. But I really did try this morning; we didn't get around to it. I will. Tonight."
Annie looked at him. "Tonight. You promise."
William nodded. "She can't hide anymore."
"That's the spirit!" Annie patted him on the shoulder.
Louisa came in. "Have either of you seen Karl? I can't find him to say goodbye."
William frowned. "I think he left early today to get some work at lab done."
Annie's hand fisted. "Just like the jerk."
William put a hand on Louisa's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Louisa."
"No, I guess I expect it." Louisa sighed. Of course she would rank below test tubes.
"Louisa!" Jane ran into the bathroom. "Good, your sister said you were still around. Karl wanted to say goodbye; he even wore his favorite suspenders that make him look real tall, but his prof called him at 4 am, and made him come in today. There's a big name visiting the lab today, and he has to do a few things before leaving for Boston; he got a job at a biotech company this summer."
Louisa tried to hide her hurt. William, in an overwhelmingly uncharacteristic move that surprised and stunned the reader, sighed, and went to the frosh, hugging her.
Georgie now entered with the intention of grabbing her toiletries, but upon seeing her brother holding Louisa, knew immediately that Karl (as usual) had done something stupid. She went to Louisa, and held her too.
Louisa straightened. "I'll be all right. It's...his loss. Anyhow, I will see him again. It's not as if it's the end of the world..." she said deliberately.
Georgie kissed her friend's forehead, and Caroline entered. "Louisa...I think we need to get going."
Louisa nodded, and after a large exchange of hugs, the Bingly sisters left.
11:34 a.m.
"A nice Bill-less summer ahead of you?" Liz asked Mary.
Mary nodded, and smiled happily. "Me and my new minor-character boyfriend are going to spend this summer in Arizona. Going to water cacti."
Liz smothered a smile. "Yeah...a very noble cause. I bet cacti don't get nearly as much water as they need."
"Yes."
"You know, I heard that Bill didn't get a contract with Perry Ellis. He's still stuck on underwear..."
"Running gag!"
The women looked to the door, and turned to each other. "Affected him that deeply, huh?" Mary asked, smothering a laugh.
Liz looked at her, and then both ladies burst out laughing.
"What is he doing this summer?" Mary rolled her eyes.
"I believe he's going to Hollywood to see if anyone will take him in there..."
"Well, I hope he succeeds."
"No you don't."
Mary thought for a moment. "You're right. I don't. Oh dear. What time do you have?"
Liz looked at her watch. "Twenty to..."
"All right. I'm leaving in about twenty minutes then...I have a few loose ends to wrap up, so I'll see you," she kissed Liz on the cheek. "Take care, sweetie."
2:14 p.m.
"Why can't I be you?" Liz murmured, with jealousy lacing her words. "I want to go to Switzerland."
"I invited you. You said no."
"Some of us have lots of work to do here."
"Well I have work to do there..." Georgie shrugged.
"I'm sure that the trip is purely out of research purposes, Miss Authoress."
They hugged. "I'm going to miss you terribly, Liz. What if I get addicted to Swiss chocolates?"
"Send them to me. I'll eat them for you." Liz quipped, and ran a gentle hand through Georgie's curls. "Take care, sweetie."
Georgie nodded, and turned to her brother, who stood at the doorway, waiting to bring her to the airport. "Ready to go?"
"Yeah..." Inspiration! "Can Liz come to the airport too?"
"Oh no, this is a sibling thing..." Liz shifted on her feet. "I've got some things to do yet. I volunteered to help out at desk this evening, clearing up the paperwork and all."
William frowned inwardly, and turned to Georgie. "Well, then, I guess we should get going..." He took a deep breath. You can do it, William. "Don't eat dinner, Liz. I'm taking you out tonight."
Silence.
Well that was unexpected. Liz stared at William expecting him to all of a sudden burst out "running gag" or something silly and stupid like that.
He'd never tried that before. It had to be one of the smartest things he'd ever done in his life, other than getting the "Immaculate Collection", of course.
Georgie was proud of her brother. The last time she was this proud, he'd won a writing contest with an essay about Gerbils & Shakespeare's Hamlet.
All three occupants stood frozen in movement, thoughts going at light years a second.
Liz cleared her throat. "All right. I'll be waiting, William."
Georgie grinned, and wanted to throw her arms around Liz once more, but restrained herself. Demurely, she smiled a goodbye, and left the bathroom.
William looked back at Liz. "No running."
2:01 p.m.
Jane and Charles gaped at William. "You're serious?" Jane asked.
"Yes, completely. Tonight."
Jane hugged William. "Good for you."
Charles punched him on the shoulder in that macho guy manner that men used with each other. "About time, William. Good luck with her."
"I may need it," William said. "Actually, no, I don't. I don't need luck. To be trite, I need a miracle."
"Have you been on this roller coaster all day?" Jane asked, concerned.
"Just since she agreed to go to dinner with me. I don't know what to do with her. I've never been out on a date before."
Charles gaped at him. "Never ever?"
"Not a datey-date. I've hung out with girls before...but not girls that I was totally in love with."
"Well that's a relief," Jane laughed. "Just relax. And make sure she's relaxed too. Remember: you're already crazy about each other, so don't worry about securing her affections. You just have to tell each other the truth."
William nodded. "Anything else?"
"Sedatives." Charles said.
"Isn't it bad if a guy drugs a girl on a date?"
"Not for her, for you. Your hands are shaking at inhuman frequency." Charles said. "Anyhow, I'm going to bring Janie to the airport now..."
The couple, like any that was facing the impending separation for summer, dreaded the moment. (The authoress could have avoided it (the separation), but decided to go for dramatic effect.) Charles was to go to Houston that summer and work for an oil tycoon doing something that he no idea what to do. Jane was to capitalize on her midnight flurries of Java programming, and was go to Boston and work for an Internet startup.
Jane clung to Charles's hand. He reciprocated the very distressed handclasp.
11:24 p.m.
The summer residents of Fifth South would include a variety of other characters, but they would not move in until a week or so, after their rooms were cleaned and prepared. Liz and William, therefore, were the only two people on the wing.
They did not care, though.
Actually, Liz did. There were far less places to hide.
That had to be the worst date she'd ever been on in her life. How mortifying. Seizing on his every question, shooting them back as quick as he answered them. The whole evening, she'd been sitting on pins and needles trying to keep the conversation going, to make sure he was having a good time.
He was having a good time, yes?
She had no indication.
Why had she even thought about trying this out?
There was a reason why she ignored the standing problem of William Darcy the past month, and took up other people's (much easier) problems; the simple fact of the matter was that she had no idea how she was ever to prevail on herself about him.
How was she to not feel nervous about him? How was she to ever be "normal" about him, when every time she saw him, she wanted to jump or hide? She was utterly and completely and foolishly afraid of him.
Frustrated, angry, she furiously brushed her teeth.
"Careful, you may break your toothbrush that way."
She jumped. "You scared me, William."
He entered, and watched her actions diligently.
She tried to ignore him.
She spit out her toothpaste.
She looked up. He was still standing there.
"You could at least pretend you had a reason for being here. Brush your teeth or something."
He shrugged. "Nah. I want to watch you."
"You're making me nervous," she snapped.
"Well we'll have to work on that, then."
"It's not something to 'work on', you know."
She got out the floss.
"You're going to have to get used to it, Liz. We're crazy for each other. No doubt about it."
"Speak for yourself. We can't be crazy for each other. It makes no logical sense."
"What's illogical about it?" he approached her.
She paused in her flossing. "You put me on edge every time I see you. I can't relax."
She watched in the mirror as he put a hand to her shoulder. Even watching the action, she still jumped in surprise at the touch. It was so warm.
He massaged her shoulders into an even more tense state. "You're supposed to relax as I do this..." he whispered into her ear.
"Kindly refrain from the intimacy of whispering!" she uttered through gritted teeth. Done with her flossing, she threw away the wax-coated thread and rinsed.
And as she turned to him to confront him, he gently, slowly let his arms wander up hers, and lock her into the circle.
Trapped, she started to struggle, and met his romantically penetrating gaze.
And suddenly, she felt all the tension in her shoulders vanish. In the security of his arms, in his gaze, she felt all of it go away until she could only see two images: William's face, and a minty fresh kiss.
The minty fresh kiss had become a legend in Fifth South's bathroom. It wasn't from the toothpaste, she realized. It might have had a little to do with it, but Liz was convinced that Love had a flavor and it was minty fresh.
A melodramatic, sappy writer might have said that it was the *gasp* "first real breath of fresh air she'd ever taken in her life."
But the authoress is not sappy. (Well, she is, but that detail will go duly unnoted anyway.)
He was arrested in her eyes. He could not move, he could not lower his head. The expression of her eyes had to be the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his life, even more beautiful than Madonna. The sparkle, the calm, the certainty.
Liz smirked.
A little above a whisper, William asked, "What?"
"You going to kiss me or not?"
Ah, lovers, the bathroom chuckled.
(Five years hence)
Louisa and Karl Hurst, in the bathroom, of their nice lil suburban home, him with his arms around her waist, measuring the line to see if their baby is growing.
After discovering her love for Jane Austen, Louisa decided to try her tastes with other British writers and found them to her liking as well. She decided to major in Literature, concentrating in British classics, and left for England the spring of her sophomore year to study a term at Oxford. That term was the loneliest in Karl's life; like all men when left to their own devices and thoughts, he found out he was in love with her. After a cute little banter of hard to get lasting a year or so, Louisa gave in, and they had a healthy relationship for about two years before he asked her to marry him, (NOT in the bathroom) and she agreed. Karl got a professorship at Stanford, and then tenure. His wife is the leader in Jane Austen studies, and next in line to run Jane Austen Society of North America.
Georgie stands in front of the mirror of her spacious New York penthouse bathroom, brushing back her blonde hair into a cool sleek elegance. Annie checks her reflection next to her, in preparation for another trendy event.
Georgie became a famous writer, and has a syndicated column. She lives a happy and single life, with her cat Scratly. While in Switzerland that summer, she proceeded to get involved in a really scandalous relationship with the Prince of Borneo, and is still recovering. Hates a lot of men. Lives happily that way. Unlike Georgie, Annie does not hate men, but as all very successful and very busy women, she has no time for them. Tonight, Annie will meet a young man. He will pursue her relentlessly, and fall madly in love with her. They will get married. Annie will become the most powerful woman in the fashion industry, and that is pretty darn cool.
Lydia, in jammies, toasts the air, ready to down a glass of champagne in the New York apartment. She looks in disgust to the sunset. She didn't really expect him home anyhow. (It's their Anniversary). George stands behind the door, in full tuxedo, peeking around, about to surprise her with a diamond necklace. (He's been in Africa for the past ten months)
George joined in the fight against AIDS, and became one of the foremost doctors under Dr. Ho. Four months after finishing an MD/PhD program, and two months after marrying Lydia, he was given the opportunity to go to Africa to do some on field doctoring where he was needed most. As the couple at this time was starting its fifth year of their long distance relationship (sad, trying, but true to each other), they took this in stride. Lydia was at this time working in the DA's office in NYC. Since then, she has taken a few promotions, but still misses George, who has been gone for the past ten months, considerably.
Caroline with her very rich and handsome young husband of only three days, in their penthouse suite in the Four Seasons George V in Paris. They are, of course, kissing. (They ARE on their honeymoon.)
What no one knew on Fifth South, not even Jane Bonnet, was that Caroline was going out with a really rich and handsome guy from a frat nearby. (Quite by accident, really. She didn't fall for the frat boy on purpose. But this was a very good frat, in which the men wear ties and laugh at the lower classes, and that's about it.) They had an Austen-esque courtship, and he recently proposed to her, after humbling himself and reforming himself in such an Austen-esque manner. After five years of sweet and savory courtship, she allowed herself to fall in love, and the two got married.
Charlotte, twirling in one of the many bathrooms in the luxurious home of the authoress's noble future mother-in-law the queen of Sweden, (the chimney pieces...er...) in bridesmaid's dress, attending the wedding of the new Princess Crysty to Prince Carl Philip of Sweden. Colonel admires his wife in that awestruck way he always watches her, questioning if she is real.
Charlotte became, of course, one of the foremost nuclear physicists in the world. Very smart and very beautiful, of course she was destined to meet with others like herself (MEE! Crysty!) Colonel pursued his naval career, as well as scientific one; he studied plankton on his duties. He was the one who introduced the Prince to Crysty. The Colonel and Charlotte are, of course, very happy. Charlotte will be one of the youngest to receive a Nobel Prize (in another five years. Her acceptance speech, of course, mentioned the Colonel, the Bathroom, and of course, her dear friend the Princess Crysty of Sweden =P *selfish narcissistic fantasy is over*)
Charles and Jane stand in the bathroom, Charles fastening on the sarong on his wife. They are enjoying their trip to their private island in the Caribbean.
Charles, from that summer job, got his foot in the door at the oil company. Jane likewise secured a position in the Internet Startup in Boston. They both went their own ways after college, and spent two years in a long distance relationship. After amassing too much money and too much in stock options, both retired entirely too early, and reaped the benefits of life, and sailed off into the sunset in the new sailboat they had bought.
Liz stands in bathroom of a castle in Tuscany, lips pursed in worry. They just got married, and are back to face reality. But William must be crazy! They cannot afford a house like this. It's more than nine million dollars! William stands nearby ready to spring the surprise of her life on his wife.
Liz and William had a tumultuous dramatic relationship that had the passion of Romeo and Juliet, the romance of Faith and Peter in "Only You", and the transience of affections of Ross and Rachel on "Friends". After their last fight, they made the stupid mistake of moving away from each other when they graduated. Liz got a Rhodes Scholarship, and went to England, where the abundance of English accents clipped at her soul until she was reduced to a sobbing mess when William swept in. William, this time, had been living on means unknown to her. He proposed, and she accepted. And now, well, he's about to tell her that he's rich. Together, they will buy old places, restore them and sell them for ten times their worth.
And now, Mary and Bill. Whatever happened to them?
Well, the authoress has decided that they merit something more. The authoress has noticed the severe lack of mystery, adventure, action and an inherently evil villain in this story, and has so decided to exert herself once more...
In Which Mary's Random Fact Is Revealed
*induced by an overdose of Nora Roberts and suspense movies* If anyone is curious, the agent numbers are in binary...which makes things VERY confusing
There is a key at the bottom of the ep, in case the reader didn't get from the random facts who each person was.
*cue dark ominous spy music*
(seven years after the year our characters shared a bathroom)
(a bathroom in a New York skyscraper, July 18, 0900)
Two women entered the bathroom quietly. Agent A was standing at the sink, washing her hands.
Too easy, the woman smirked.
"Not so fast, Agent 1 and 11."
The women jumped back.
Agent A laughed maniacally, holding the gun. "You really thought you would get away with anything? Give me the briefcase."
Agent 1 shook her head. "I guess you were just too smart for me." Agent 11 put the briefcase on the floor, and slid it over to Agent A.
Agent A laughed at her. "Yes, I know everything. Every little detail. The world will know that the infamous Agents 1 and 11 are..."
"Freeze!"
"I told you my wife was being attacked by that lunatic. I was sure there was something wrong with the place from the moment I came here with her a few months ago," Agent 10 entered the bathroom, taking another bite out of his papaya.
Agent 100 followed, frowning at the scene. "I tried to stop her from her interest. I just knew she'd get herself into something horrible.
Agent A turned, panicked. She held the gun to the interceding young men, and the police behind them. "You're wrong. It's them, right there..."
Agent 1 began, "I have no idea what you're talking about. My friends, my spouse and I have been considering donating to PBS, and they generously allowed us a tour of Sesame Street. You know, I love Big Bird. But I digress. What you may be interested in, officers, is in that briefcase."
"And what would that be?"
Agent 11 smiled to her husband Agent 100, and said softly, "Something of great interest." Agent 11 went to the briefcase. "This here is incriminating evidence against one man." She snapped the latches of the case. "Here," she handed the head officer a large stack of code.
"It's Java."
"Yes, it is, but if you look at the comment line over at the top..." Agent 1 said.
"Programming for Elmo, devised by Bill, to corrupt young America."
"Elmo is evil," Agent 10 said somberly.
The policemen were in denial. Finally an officer cleared his throat. "Come on, let's get this exec out of here."
"Another young and rising star bites the dust in corporate America..." Agent 10 wrapped an arm around his wife. "What would we do if you didn't know your programming languages so well? Come on, I'm hungry."
"I think the kids will be just waking up in an hour or so. We have some more papaya in the fridge. Would you two care to join us?"
"No, Agent 100 and I have a long standing date to watch Return of the Jedi. I've been told by many that it is indeed better than the Empire Strikes Back. Come, cheri, let's go home."
(Bathroom in VOGUE magazine's world headquarters, 1012)
"I think you should be careful."
Agent 101 laughed. "Of course I am, darling."
Her assistant shook her head. "I don't like how that lady was looking at you."
"Well it's nice to know that my employees care about me," the fashion editor walked toward the stall.
Right before, though, she paused, then slammed the door in, and grabbed the now unconscious person inside, dragging her out. "Thought it'd be you, Agent B."
The assistant ran for help.
Agent 101 knelt down by B, and checked for a pulse.
Then she turned to the door as the others entered. "She is still alive."
"Do you know why you were attacked?"
The young woman got up off the floor, checked the mirror. "We had a spat. What did we argue about? Clothes. Of course. You may want to see this..." she took the portfolio that lay by the body.
"'Bill's plans to have polyester take the fashion market.'" the security guard read.
"Oh my..." the assistant said.
"Oh my indeed. It's almost as scary as clowns." Agent 101 briskly said, exiting the bathroom.
(Bathroom in Disneyland, 1134)
Agent C crept up behind her.
Agent 110 was smart though. With a quick effective blow to the head, Agent B fell to the ground.
"You all right, Agent 110?"
Agent 110 turned to Agent 111. "Of course I am." she brushed the dirt off her clothes.
"Why did you want him?" Disney security approached the scene of the crime.
"Done some wrongs. Look in the briefcase. I'm pretty sure there's something incriminating in there. Agent C ran the "It's a Small World" ride..."
"My god, you're right! 'Bill's Plans for inherently evil music to destroy the eardrums with annoying repetitive music!'"
"I told you." Agent 110 smiled smartly.
Agent 111 turned to her. "I'm hungry, why don't you make some cornbread?"
Agent 110 smiled back. "I think I will."
An insipid melody came from Agent 111's pocket. Thinking it one of her key chains, she ignored, but then she realized it was her cellular phone.
"Hello?"
"Done?" she recognized the voice of Agent 1000.
"Yes. Done," she hung up. "Now, about that meal..."
(Bathroom in a powerful and suspicious senator's house, 1800)
"Did you find them?" Agent 1001 asked.
Agent 1010 nodded. "Here..." she withdrew the small package of photographs with a rubber band around them. The post-it note on top read "Pictures that Bill is Blackmailing me with", an obvious reminder to himself.
Agent 1001 laughed. "Isn't he a riot? Well, then, we'll take them to the boss tonight..." they unlocked the door.
"Not so fast, ladies..." Agent D held the gun. "Let's have the pictures back now..."
"I knew I had to bring my own security. Strange men attacking my wife..." Agent 1011 sighed, as the men surrounded the attacker.
Agent 1100 tsked in agreement. "Our women just like to get into trouble."
Agent 1001 grinned at her husband. "Thank you dear." Her size 7 and a half stiletto crushed Agent D's foot as she walked by, and her faint Brooklyn accent still seeped through as she said to Agent 1011, "I would like to go home."
Agent 1011 sighed. "I suppose we must. Henry and Joe await."
Agent 1100 turned to 1010. "Who?"
Agent 1010 smiled at her silly husband. "His two fish. Remember? He had three fish."
"What happened to Susie?"
"She died."
"Did Agent 1001 do her in like she done Mrs. Reynolds?"
"No...that was long ago..." Agent 1010 said.
Agent 1100 let his hand wander down his wife's back to where he knew the "Bob" tattoo was hidden.
"Agent 1100..." Agent 1010 kissed his ear.
(a bathroom in New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art, dark and after closing, 1930)
"Got the stuff?"
"Got the money?"
"Yeah, right here," the accent clipped the darkness.
The two figures in black circled each other. "You toss your stuff over first," the baritone voice interceded.
"I'm not a fool. I want to see the painting first," the distinct British accent was muffled under the dark hat.
The shadow moved to the suitcase, and opened it slowly. Taking out a single canister, the dark gloves moved to the rolled-up painting. The protective coating shimmered in the light of the full moon that persisted through the windows of the emptied bathroom of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
"Beautiful," the buyer murmured, watching the young dancer of the Degas.
"Well, I've been thinking it over. I don't think I want to give it to you."
"You don't?" the shadow stepped back.
"No," the thief took out a gun, and gestured to a stall. The door opened, and revealed another shadow cloaked in black.
The glint of cool steel was almost enough to put a sliver of fear down the buyer's back.
"Now, let's just see who you are..." the thief approached the buyer. "Who is the mysterious buyer, and why do the jobs he commission always end in mysterious death? Take off the mask."
The buyer tossed aside the hat, and took off the ski mask.
"William Darcy! The multi-millionaire!"
"I should have known," his accomplice said. "Well, Mr. High-and-Mighty Darcy, who holds the cards now?"
"But I have a secret as well," William said.
"What is that?" the thief laughed.
"I'm not William Darcy," he reached under his chin, and pulled off another mask, revealing a woman.
"Oh my..." the eyes widened of both thieves as fear chilled their backs. They would die. They would never emerge alive.
"Give me the paintings. Give me the nuclear secrets," her voice was steady. "Now." She took out two guns. Her aim with either arm was too excellent to make them even hope that she'd let them out alive if they refused.
Her hair was pulled back in a ruthless coil, and her sleek outline was accented by a catsuit, which was formerly hidden by the black trench coat. And in her eyes, the thieves knew they'd crossed the line.
Certain death. The accomplice fell forward. "I didn't mean to do anything. It was all his idea." The young "man" now took off the ski mask, revealing the face of Emma Knightley.
"Then, Mr. Knightley, I presume?" the woman turned to the thief.
The other thief revealed the face to the name. "You can't get away with this."
"Watch me," the woman pulled her trigger.
George screamed and fainted...uninjured.
Emma was shot in the foot. "What do you want? Who are you, really?"
The woman smirked. "That is of no importance to you. I'll take those secrets now," she grabbed the bag from the thieves. She pulled out the cell phone from the inside of her black trench coat. "Yeah, I have them here now."
Interpol lined the windows, and burst in through the door. The woman smiled.
"Another good job."
The woman nodded, dismissing them all.
"Didn't think the Knightleys were doing anything illegal, however..."
"The Knightleys? Check again. Those are not the Knightleys...they were wearing masks, of course."
Sure enough, she was right.
"You going away again?"
"I must. I have my secrets. You have yours. And I've got to finish my job," the woman clipped in her French accent.
"And what about Bill's nuclear plans?"
"You have enough on Bill. I have my own things to do with these secrets."
Chief inspector Henderson would have protested, but knew that he would never prevail on La Flor. Many secrets had been ferreted by La Flor, for the last five years, and just as quickly vanished, never to be surfaced again in any black market. So he only trusted that whatever she did with them was good enough to keep them all alive.
La Flor left the Met wrapped in a cloak of mystery, allure, and black.
(Third floor bathroom of Bill's residence, 2000)
Agent 1000 shifted uncomfortably, trying to get his tie straightened.
He did not like enemy territory. First, he had to be social. Then he was given sliced bread. He hated it. The knock at the door startled him. Agent 1101 was five minutes early. He unlocked and opened the door, to be shoved back inside, Bill glaring at him. "I don't know what's going on, but it's time I got some answers. What are you doing to me?"
"Absolutely nothing. Now will you please let go of this dinner jacket? It's very expensive."
"I swear, I know you're behind this all. You're the only one rich and powerful enough to do it. And you don't like me."
"You think? A lot of people don't like you..."
Bill growled. "I'll pin it all on you somehow."
The bathroom door lock was shot open, and the door swung in. "Freeze!"
Bill dropped his gun, and Agent 1000 straightened his coat up. Agent 1101 flew inside the room, and tossed herself into Agent 1000's arms. "Oh I was so worried about you, darling."
"You have nothing incriminating against me..."
"Oh, I was walking through the library, and found a copy of this...didn't know what to make of it, as I am rather stupid, but I was rather curious. Care to explain it to me?" she handed Bill the thick packet of papers, letting the title catch the police officer's eye.
"How I Plan to take over the world through Microsoft, by Bill Gates."
"We've got you now, Bill. Give it up," Agent 1101 sighed.
(In the only scene NOT in a bathroom, the Living room of Maryland Bennyt's Beacon Hill townhouse, 51 Chestnut Street in Boston, 0000)
"To Mary," William led the toast.
"To Mary," the guests repeated.
"I really don't know how you pulled off all this...or why..." Colonel shrugged.
Mary, in disheveled jeans and flannel from late hours in lab, and...other activities...sank back in a recliner. The associate professor of civil and environmental engineering at MIT was very exhausted. Mary paused before bringing the drink to her lips. "You never asked me my random fact..."
"And what is that, Mary?" Lydia asked.
"Implacable resentment. Of the worst kind. Bill Gates, or more accurately, a minion of his, cut down my tree house when I was young."
"Wow..." Annie murmured.
"But anyhow, let us drink to life! Viva La Flor!"
"Whatever did you do with the nuclear plans? I noticed that those aren't going to the police," Colonel said.
"I burned them. I want to protect my trees."
"Hm. To the trees!" Lydia toasted.
"To the trees."
And so, what ever did happen to Bill COLLINS?
(two years after the students had all graduated from college, a bathroom just outside of the Antarctic Circle, 10:45 p.m.)
He just couldn't believe that it didn't work out. It seemed so simple. All he would have to do was go in, handle things the way he always did, and move on.
And it was so humiliating to. Unanimously voted off the show first?
All those press conferences. "How does it feel to be the first one voted off?" they had asked.
Survivor 3000, In Antarctica, was the final step to take, and from there, he'd move on to better things, in TV.
Still, perhaps someone was watching.
Evidently, someone was; four days later, the Hair Club for Men found their newest spokesman.
The KEY:
Agents
1 ~ Jane
10 ~ Charles
11 ~ Charlotte
100 ~ Colonel
101 ~ Annie
110 ~ Caroline
111 ~ Georgie
1000 ~ William
1001 ~ Lydia
1010 ~ Louisa
1011 ~ George
1100 ~ Karl
1011 ~ Liz