Beginning, Previous Section, Section XXVVI, Next Section
Posted on Friday, 5 December 2003
Over the next few days, Darcy and Elisabeth found themselves grateful that they’d managed to have a night alone together. They’d barely gotten home the next morning before his grandparents arrived, eager to see Grace and spend time with them. Darcy took Mary and Thomas to his bookstore, a trip which turned into a long drive around town with his grandparents proclaiming over the changes in Effingham since they’d last been there.
“We were back in town for my class reunion a few years ago, but the town seems to be growing so quickly!” Mary exclaimed over breakfast Sunday morning at Niemerg’s. “Next time we come through, we’ll probably have to be taken on another tour.”
Darcy almost said that he thought it wouldn’t be necessary, since they would be coming to see him at least a couple of times a year. Looking at his grandparents, however, he realized that it might be better if he and Elisabeth went to them rather than the other way around. Mary was seventy-one, Thomas seventy-four. They’d driven to Effingham and hadn’t complained of any trouble, but one never knew.
During the next four days, family members from around the country made their way to Effingham. Darcy spent a good deal of time with his grandparents, D.J., and Terry. Elisabeth made time for his relatives when she wasn’t working, dealing with her mother, or avoiding most of her relatives like the plague. But by the time Ginger arrived in town late Wednesday, Elisabeth had gotten to the point where she wasn’t up to entertaining his relatives, either.
By Thursday afternoon, which was when Elisabeth’s bridal shower was being held, she was ready to drop. Ruth seemed to have everything under control, and even if Elisabeth wasn’t happy with everything she’d done, she had to admire Ruth’s organizational skills. Still, there were a number of details she’d had to finalize personally, and on top of the troubles at work with Bubba, the only thing she wanted to do was sleep.
Charlie volunteered to drive her out to the Lucas house, where the shower was taking place. Elisabeth was so grateful that she didn’t question why she needed to be driven. Instead, she took the opportunity to have a nap while Charlie drove out to the lake. When Charlie gently shook her awake, Elisabeth groaned.
“Do I have to do this?” she asked as Charlie pulled into her parents’ driveway.
“As the bride, your presence is required.”
“Thank God you guys didn’t try to make this a surprise bridal shower. I don’t think I would’ve been able to work up enough enthusiasm to be surprised.”
“Why say that? Don’t you want a bridal shower?” Charlie asked. “Think of all the stuff you’ll get. You won’t have to shop for a blender for years.”
Elisabeth shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure out all day why I’ve been down about this, but I haven’t got the answer.”
“Look at it this way. It’s only for a few hours. You play a few silly games, you get a lot of blenders and crock pots, have cake and punch, and then the real fun starts.” Charlie turned off the engine.
“What ‘real fun’ are you talking about?” Elisabeth asked, giving her cousin a suspicious look. She hadn’t noticed any furtive planning going on, but with Charlie one never knew.
“You get to hear Aunt Grace drone on and on about Bethany, who will do her best to act modest while looking smug. And then we’re going to decorate the church because your mother wants to be sure we have time to change anything that doesn’t look right. Don’t ask me how she got permission to decorate the church two days early, because when my cousin Serena got married she had to do hers the morning of the wedding.” Charlie frowned. “You know, come to think of it, I’d rather go bar-hopping.”
Elisabeth sighed. “As fun as that sounds, I’d rather be staying at home with Darcy and Grace. My Grace, that is, not Aunt Grace. Oh, God...Charlie, do you suppose she’s going to think I named Gracie after her?”
“Yes. Just be sure to emphasize that her first name is Charlotte and casually mention half a dozen times that you named her after me.”
“How do you casually mention something half a dozen times?”
“I don’t know, but if anyone can do it, El, it’ll be you.” Charlie popped the trunk of her car before getting out. “Now come on. They know we’re here and they’ll get to wondering why we haven’t come in yet.”
“Okay, okay.” Elisabeth got out of the car and put on what she hoped was a sincerely happy face as Charlie took out a medium-sized box clumsily wrapped with silver paper. “Why didn’t you get Jenna to wrap that for you?”
“Because I’m old enough to wrap my own presents, and if you don’t like how they look, then I’ll keep your gift for myself,” Charlie said as she shut the trunk.
“What will you do with a blender? You cook even less than I do.”
“Har har.”
The two of them walked to the house. Elisabeth opened the door for Charlie. They walked into the living room, where everyone else was waiting for them. Elisabeth realized that Charlie must’ve had their arrival timed beforehand, because she didn’t think there was anyone missing. Her co-workers were sitting in a group by the television. Darcy’s family sat around the loveseat and smiled when she walked into the room. Ruth was sitting by the fireplace with Aunt Grace, Bethany, Jenna, and...
Elisabeth frowned as she saw who was sitting with her mother. “What is she doing here?” she asked, pointing at Lydia.
“Now, Elisabeth, that’s no way to greet your sister,” Ruth said. “Not only does she have a right to be here as a relative, she’s also one of your bridesmaids.”
“Is she? I was under the impression that she was refusing to be part of the wedding if I wouldn’t...” Elisabeth glanced around the room, noticing the looks on the other guests’ faces. Most were looking on with interest at what was going on. Aunt Grace in particular looked delighted, as she always did when trouble was stirring. Some people, she supposed, got off on this sort of thing, as long as it wasn’t happening to them. For two seconds, she thought about revealing why she was fighting with Lydia. But she couldn’t. “Lydia and I couldn’t come to an agreement about the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses,” she said to everyone in the room.
When she turned back to look at Lydia, she saw the relief in her eyes and knew that their fight was over.
“Well, that’s just silly. It’s the bride’s day, Lydia dear, and if she wants to put you in something awful like lime green, it’s her prerogative,” Aunt Grace said, her voice dripping with disappointment.
“I wanted red,” Lydia said sweetly. “Elisabeth insisted on green, which makes my face look sallow. But...I’m willing to wear green, because you’re right, Aunt Grace. It’s her wedding day and I should go along with what she wants.”
“Red?” Aunt Grace’s eyebrows rose to impossible heights. “I see why Elisabeth objected.”
But she’s surprised that I did, Elisabeth thought with a mental grin. She thinks red bridesmaids’ dresses would’ve been a good idea to me.
Ruth rose quickly, before Elisabeth could say anything further on the matter, and said, “May I have everyone’s attention, please? We’re going to go ahead and get started since the bride is here. Now, I’ve been talking it over with Grace and Mary and we’ve decided that the best thing would be for us to play a few games, have cake and punch, and then finish the games and have Elisabeth open her gifts. Does that sound all right to everyone?”
Since it did, Ruth beamed, as she always did when she got her way.
Elisabeth nearly walked out of her own bridal shower. As Charlie had predicted, the games had been boring, her mother had been overbearing, and Aunt Grace had talked incessantly about Bethany, whose life was perfect as ever and who happened to be expecting her first child in early September.
“I’m sure you’ll have lots of stories to share with her,” Aunt Grace said, the implication in her voice clearly saying she hoped Elisabeth would stay as far away from Bethany as possible.
Elisabeth shrugged. “Nothing different than she’d hear from anyone else,” she said. “You’re sick a lot in the first few months, and not always in the morning. You get fat, your joints swell, the baby’s always kicking at something, you have to use the bathroom every thirty seconds, labor is hell, that kind of thing.”
Bethany had gotten very green at the mention of labor and immediately excused herself. Elisabeth felt sorry for her, because she remembered all too well what the feeling was like. She felt a little less sorry for Bethany after she was chastised for scaring her to death. Then she remembered that, unlike herself, Bethany would have to endure Aunt Grace watching over her like a hawk for the remainder of her pregnancy and her sympathy returned full force.
Elisabeth got the feeling that Ruth knew exactly how Elisabeth was feeling and managed to keep things moving at a quick enough pace that no one would notice. She was helped in the endeavor by Aunt Grace, who never failed to have something to talk about, and Lydia, who was so excited about something that she was talking more than usual. Between the two of them, no one noticed that the bride looked ready to collapse in her seat. Or if they did notice, they said nothing about it.
After punch and cake, Elisabeth was seated in front of a large pile of presents, which revived her spirits. Elisabeth loved presents no matter what the occasion and, in spite of her nonchalance with Charlie earlier, she had been excited about this part of the bridal shower.
“Where should I start?” Elisabeth asked. “There’s so much here.”
“Elisabeth, don’t be so greedy,” Ruth said. “Just pick up a present and open it. Jenna, you’ve got the notebook to write down everything she gets and who gave it to her, right? She’ll need that when she goes to write thank you cards.”
“Yes, Ma,” Jenna said dutifully, holding up the notebook and pen.
Elisabeth noticed that Charlie’s present was close by and decided to leave it until last, in case all of her other gifts were crap and she needed something to cheer her up. Charlie could always be counted on to get her something great. Instead, Elisabeth started with a flat, narrow gift perched on top of the pile wrapped in paper with champagne glasses on it. She set the card aside and eagerly tore the paper off the package, ignoring her mother’s order to read the card first.
The gift was a beautiful silver picture frame. Elisabeth admired the craftsmanship of the frame. “It’s beautiful,” she said, holding the frame up so that Mary could take a picture of her with the gift.
“That’s from me,” Jolie said. “I thought maybe you’d like to put your wedding portrait in that.”
Elisabeth smiled, because that was what she’d had in mind. “Thank you, Jolie,” she said as she handed the picture frame to her mother. She read the card and thanked Jolie again before turning her attention to the next gift, which happened to be a George Foreman grill from Caroline and Louisa. Knowing what the gift implied, Elisabeth just barely managed a smile as she thanked them through clenched teeth.
She continued to go through the gifts, receiving only two blenders and one crock pot from her co-workers. Her Aunt Grace gave her a pair of champagne flutes while Bethany gave her a silver champagne bucket. Elisabeth sensed something of a trend among her family members when Aunt Amanda presented her with a rather expensive bottle of champagne. Jenna had gotten her a fifty-dollar gift certificate to a movie store in Decatur, while her mother had bought her the five-disc DVD player Elisabeth had been hinting at for some time.
Deciding that the worst of her gifts had to be over, since she’d gotten through Aunt Grace and Bethany’s gifts with some surprise at how nice they were, Elisabeth opened Charlie’s gift next and found a gorgeous set of candlesticks. She gave her cousin a hug and then reached for a small box with metallic red wrapping paper that had to be from Lydia.
Elisabeth hurriedly unwrapped the gift, opened the box, and gasped as she lifted with one finger the scrap of material that might be called lingerie. “Oh, my God,” she said.
Lydia smiled innocently. “Well, I figured that you’re planning an intimate night in, so you might as well be...simply dressed.”
“If I wear this, I might as well not be dressed at all,” Elisabeth said.
“That would probably work for Darcy.”
Elisabeth finished going through the gifts, including another set of candlesticks, silver this time, from Darcy’s Aunt Angelina. When the last of the gifts had been unwrapped, she rolled her shoulders, which had gotten a bit stiff, and sighed in relief. She smiled at everyone and said, “Thanks again, everyone. I love all of...”
“Wait a minute. You’re not done yet. You haven’t opened my gift yet,” Mary said, pointing at a card that remained on the table in front of Elisabeth. Elisabeth had assumed it was off of a gift she’d already opened, but when she picked the envelope up she saw that it was still sealed.
“Oops! Where did Ma go? Ma, there’s still one gift left,” Elisabeth said to her mother, who had gone back to the kitchen for a moment.
When Ruth had returned, Elisabeth opened the envelope and started to read the card, not paying attention to the slip of paper that had fallen into her lap when she’d opened the card. When she finished reading the card, she picked up the slip of paper. “Oh, my...oh, Mary...thank you!” Elisabeth got up and walked over to Darcy’s grandmother, giving her a big hug. “Thank you so much! I hadn’t even thought about what I was going to do with it after the wedding!”
“What?” Ruth asked. “What were you going to do with what?”
“She lost me at the first ‘what,’” Charlie said.
Blinking back tears, Elisabeth said, “Mary’s going to have my wedding gown preserved. Before I leave for the honeymoon, I’ll give her the gown and she’ll have it sent to this place that preserves them so they don’t get yellowed or moth-eaten. And who knows? Maybe Grace will wear it someday.”
Ruth snorted at that, but her opinion of Elisabeth’s wedding dress was well-known and universally ignored by that time.
Once Elisabeth had finished unwrapping gifts, the bridal shower came to an end. Elisabeth’s co-workers were the first to go, since many of them had jobs to get back to. Caroline and Louisa reminded Lydia not to be late for their date at Sneaky Pete’s, which Elisabeth found confusing since Lydia had never liked them much. Most of Darcy’s family left to return to their hotel rooms, but not before promising Elisabeth that they would see her the following evening at the rehearsal supper. Within fifteen minutes, only Mary was still left from the Williamson side of wedding, helping clean up the mess that had been made. Soon after the departure of Darcy’s family, most of Elisabeth’s family decided to leave as well.
The mess was soon cleaned up, and those who had remained behind returned to the living room to sit for a while before going their separate ways. Elisabeth sat at one end of the oversized couch by the fireplace, with Jenna on the other end and Charlie in the middle. Mary was on Elisabeth's other side, sitting in a recliner. Ruth, Lydia, Aunt Grace, and Bethany sat in folding chairs that had been lined up against one wall. Across from the folding chairs sat Heather and Aunt Amanda on the loveseat.
“Are you nervous about Saturday, Elisabeth?” Aunt Grace asked.
Elisabeth shrugged. “A little. I’m more worried that something will go wrong than I am about the actual event itself.”
“Oh, Lord,” Mary said with a smile. “I know that feeling. The day I married Thomas was a beautiful December morning and the sun was shining. I remember waking up and thinking about how this was the first day of a whole new world for me. I was marrying the man I loved and we were going to be happy and rich and...” She laughed. “I was silly back then, but I still saw a rosy future ahead of us.”
“Then you actually get married and you come down to earth,” Aunt Grace said. “Don’t get me wrong. I love Albert very much, it’s just...well, he can get under my skin and annoy me like no one else. Just the other day, he was leafing through one of those computer magazines and if I hadn’t taken it away from him, he would’ve called to order himself a new computer.”
“What would be wrong with that?” Charlie asked. “I wouldn’t mind a new computer, but I can’t afford it. I’m sure Uncle Albert could.”
“It would be his third new computer in two years. The man is obsessed with having the latest gadgets and gizmos, and although they say they’re supposed to make your life easier, they don’t. Mark my words, computers are someday going to decide they don’t need humans and then where will we be? Dead. Did you ever see this movie...what was it called? Bethany, dear, what was that movie called where the machine was sent to kill this girl who would save humanity by having a child?”
“I think you’re talking about The Terminator, Grandma,” Bethany replied.
Aunt Grace nodded. “Yes, that was it. Terrifying movie, in my opinion, but very realistic in terms of what’s going to happen to humans someday. You just wait and see.”
Elisabeth choked, trying not to laugh.
“Well, the day started out beautifully, but it seemed to go downhill from there,” Mary said, smiling. “There had been heavy rain the day before and the church sprung a leak right at the altar. My sister Laura was pregnant and throwing up everywhere, and Thomas’s best man wasn’t doing much better. He had the flu. My youngest sister decided forty-five minutes before the ceremony to go stomping into every water puddle she could find outside, and the rings very nearly were lost. And that was before the wedding!”
“I’m not sure I want to hear any more,” Elisabeth said, feeling slightly queasy.
“Oh, I’m sure nothing that bad will happen to you. Besides, I didn’t care about anything that happened after the ceremony. Being able to call myself Mrs. Thomas Williamson at last made up for everything.” Mary glanced at the younger women. “You might think it’s old-fashioned of me to say that, but I don’t care. Thomas was the most important person in my life...and in many ways, he still is.”
“You wouldn’t say he still is?” Lydia asked.
“Well...”
“Because if he’s not so important to you anymore, why are you still married to him?”
“Lydia!” Jenna hissed.
“It’s all right, Jenna,” Mary said patiently. “Lydia asked that question because she doesn’t have children. If she did, she would understand why the man you marry is still important, but less important than your children. They need you in a way your husband doesn’t, and if you don’t make them your top priority, it hurts them.”
Lydia wrinkled her nose. “That doesn’t sound right to me. I have a friend who is way too involved in her kid. See, he was born premature and has asthma and a couple weeks after he was born, her boyfriend walked out on them and so she’s had no one but him since then. She spent all her time with him when he was young and almost never let him out of her sight. She gave him everything he wanted. Now he’s five and if you tell him no, he starts screaming and throwing things. It’s embarrassing. That’s what comes of making kids your top priority.”
“No, that’s what comes of spoiling your children. I’ll admit, I might not have been as strict with my children when they were younger, but they knew better than to do anything like that,” Mary said. “I think you misinterpreted my meaning. I didn’t mean that you should make children your entire life, because that’s unhealthy for both you and them. But when you become a parent, you have a responsibility to your child that doesn’t end. You’re involved in their life from birth until death, whether it’s yours or...or theirs.”
Elisabeth reached over and gave Mary's hand a squeeze as her eyes got misty. “You want to give your child the world, but you want to be sure she understands what to do with it,” Elisabeth said. “If you don’t prepare your child for what life is going to be like, you haven’t done your job.”
Lydia shrugged. “Well, all I know is, when I have a kid, he’s going to be a lot better behaved than Bradley is.”
Elisabeth had her doubts about that, but kept quiet.
“Eric and I got married on what seemed like the hottest day of the year,” Ruth said. “It was late June. I was miserable. Eric had tried to talk me into eloping because he knew how my mother felt about him, but I had to go and be stubborn. I wanted to be married in front of my family.”
“Grandmother Hanson didn’t like Daddy?” Lydia asked.
Ruth shook her head. “She’d grown up with his father, and everyone knew the story of Frank Bennet. She was convinced Eric would turn out the same way. Your father was a little...wild when he was younger. I suppose she did have a right to be concerned, but I told her I knew it wouldn’t happen, because I loved Eric and he loved me.”
Elisabeth stared at her mother for a minute after she’d said this. It seemed implausible to her that her parents had once been young and in love, but the wistfulness with which her mother spoke indicated that it was the truth.
“Eric would never do anything like what his father had done,” Aunt Grace said with indignation. “All you had to do was ask him and he’d tell you. Even as a young boy, when asked what his plans for the future were, he’d say, ‘Get a good job, get married, and have a good family.’ Does that sound like the sort of person who would walk out on his wife and children?”
“I’m sure my mother took one look at Eric and saw nothing but his father,” Ruth said. “You know how small towns are, Grace. The sins of the fathers and all that. Most people knew Eric was responsible even if he tended to get into scrapes, but there were those that were convinced he was headed for serious trouble because of his father.”
“What was your wedding day like, Mom?” Charlie asked.
Heather smiled. “Hectic. Your father and I got married in the morning and I had to squeeze everything in. I had half a dozen guests arrive just as the ceremony was about to start because they’d slept in----which is why I worry about Darcy having his bachelor party tomorrow night. He should’ve had it earlier in the week.”
Elisabeth frowned. She hadn’t thought of that. Even though there weren’t going to be strippers at Darcy’s bachelor party, she knew there was going to be drinking going on. “I guess it’s too late now,” she said.
“They’ll mutiny if you take away the bachelor party,” Lydia said. “Especially since...”
“Now Bethany, she had a wedding day unlike any other. Her dress was so beautiful. It was fully pleated organza...”
“She looked like a doily,” Elisabeth whispered to Mary.
“The bridesmaids dresses were exquisite...”
“Except for the big bows on the butts,” Charlie added in a low voice.
“And the flowers! They were real, which is the only way to go, in my opinion. Sure, fake flowers last forever, but they’re so impersonal. Are you having real flowers, Elisabeth?”
“I’m carrying a bouquet of real flowers, yes,” Elisabeth replied.
“Yes. Good. Like I said, you can’t go wrong with real flowers. Bethany carried a bouquet...”
“Which made her sneeze because it turned out she was allergic to gardenias,” Elisabeth finished.
Aunt Grace continued to carry on about Bethany’s wedding until even the subject of her conversation was genuinely embarrassed by all the praise heaped her way. Elisabeth finally decided she’d had enough and stood up.
“I think maybe we should get going if we’re going to get the church decorated,” she said before yawning. “I want to get a good night’s sleep for once.”
Ruth looked at Jenna and Lydia, who then exchanged looks with each other. “Well, if you insist, dear, by all means go to the church and help decorate.”
Elisabeth was confused. “‘Help decorate?’ Weren’t you the one who was insisting that we do it tonight? And who’s decorating if I’m only going to be helping?”
“We’re going to help you out. You can get done faster that way,” Charlie said, standing up. “Come on, let’s get going. You’ll get more sleep if we hurry.”
Her confusion turned to suspicion. “What’s going on?” she asked.
“All details will be given to you on a need-to-know basis,” Jenna said. “Right now, all you need to know is that we’re leaving. What time are we supposed to meet the others?”
“Six, but if we get there a little early, it’s okay. We could have something to eat first. In fact, it would be a good idea if we did,” Lydia replied.
Elisabeth frowned as Lydia, Jenna, and Charlie dragged her out the door. Somehow, she knew they weren’t going to church.
She was half-right. They did stop by the church, but only long enough to see how the decorating was going. By the time they got there, the decorating----under the watchful eyes of Ginger and Jolie----was practically finished. Elisabeth sensed that her mother would approve and told Ginger as much, which caused her to laugh.
Elisabeth had thought they would be picking Ginger and Jolie up, but to her surprise they continued onto the next stop without either of them. When they arrived at Sneaky Pete’s, Elisabeth realized that Ginger wouldn’t have been able to join them because she wasn’t twenty-one.
At Sneaky Pete’s, they met Caroline and Louisa and had a drink each. If Elisabeth thought it peculiar that the person who had spent most of the past year trying to win Darcy’s affections was here for what was likely to be her bachelorette party, she said nothing. As it turned it, Sneaky Pete’s was not their last destination and the reason for Caroline’s inclusion became clear when they piled into her mother’s van, borrowed for the evening, and headed to their final stop.
After a nearly two-hour drive, they arrived at a one-story brick building called The Ladies’ Lounge. Elisabeth knew it was a strip club the moment she got out of the car.
“I’m not going in here,” Elisabeth said. “It would be unfair to Darcy.”
“Why? We’re in the twenty-first century now. Women can gawk at almost-naked guys if they want,” Lydia said cheerfully. “I know I’m looking forward to it.”
“And she’s the newlywed,” Charlie mumbled. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Why am I here? I have a boyfriend and I’m happy with him.”
“Listen, I’m serious. I made him promise that his bachelor party wouldn’t involve strippers, and he agreed. He didn’t make me promise the same thing, but it was implied. If I go in there, I’m breaking a promise I sort of made to him,” Elisabeth said.
Lydia turned to frown at her sister, a look of exasperation on her face. “C’mon, El. You didn’t promise Darcy anything. He didn’t even ask you to, and even if he had, do you want a man to be telling you what you can and can’t do? Where you can and can’t go? Is that what your marriage is going to be like? Mine certainly isn’t, not that George would object to my being here.”
“It’s not that. I just don’t...feel right about it.”
“Give it ten minutes. That’s all I’m asking. If you’re that uncomfortable with being in here, then we’ll leave, but you’ve never been to a strip club and this sounds like it’ll be your only chance to ever be in one. Live a little.”
Elisabeth sighed. She had a feeling she was going to live to regret this, but she said, “All right. We’ll go in, have a drink, and then we’re going. Or I’m going and you guys can stay here, whatever. And for the record, Lydia, I’ve been to a strip club before. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Caroline grinned. “You haven’t seen the guys who dance here,” she said as she walked past Elisabeth and opened the door. She held it so the others could walk inside.
The music was loud, the lights were low except for those aimed at the stage, and the crowd was raucous. If she hadn’t been getting married in less than two days, Elisabeth would’ve loved it. As she walked through the club and to the table near the stage that had been reserved for them, all Elisabeth could think of was that Darcy was going to kill her if he found out.
Two hours and four drinks later, Elisabeth knew there was supposed to be something wrong with being at a strip club, but damned if she could remember what it was. Everyone was having a good time, even Charlie in spite of the fact that she was the designated driver for the evening. Her fellow patrons were good-natured. The dancers were excellent, even if Louisa grumbled that they were getting gypped by the men not revealing everything. Lydia was having the time of her life, and despite their differences, Elisabeth was glad to see it.
The emcee walked back onto the stage after one of the dancers was done and smiled at the crowd. “Give it up for everybody’s favorite man in blue----Johnny Law!” Everyone in the place screamed as John took one last bow before leaving the stage. When things had settled down, the emcee continued. “Ladies, we have a very special guest in the crowd tonight. A lovely young lady who is getting married in a couple of days, or so her friends tell me. Where is Elisabeth Bennet?”
Elisabeth’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, no. Lydia, you didn’t give my name to him!”
Lydia’s high-pitched giggles answered the question as Jenna gave her a little pinch which caused her to yelp in surprise. The emcee spotted her. “Oh, there you are,” he said, walking down the steps to her. “Hello. You’re Elisabeth?”
Reluctantly, Elisabeth stood up. “Yes, I am.”
“And these ladies are your friends and relatives?”
“And former members of my wedding party,” Elisabeth said, pretending to shoot all of them with her finger. “I might let one of them live with a flesh wound because I need a witness for the ceremony. Then again, I have a bridesmaid who was too young to join us tonight, so I could kill all of them and still have a witness.”
“You might want to wait on killing them because we have a treat for you. And I think when it’s all over, you’ll forgive them. You might even thank them, so come on up to the stage with me. Come on.”
Elisabeth was afraid he’d drag her up there if she didn’t obey, so rather than be embarrassed further she obeyed. “I’m not sure I’ll be thanking them,” she said as the emcee brought out a chair for her to sit on.
“Well, wait until you meet the one, the only...Frederick!”
Apparently, Frederick was well-known because the place went crazy as the song “The Thrill is Gone” started playing. To Elisabeth’s right, a tall, muscular man with dark hair strutted onto the stage. He wore a black leather jacket, silk shirt, and a pair of pants that Elisabeth would almost swear were painted on because they were so tight. He danced slowly and seductively toward her.
“Oh, God,” she murmured, one thought penetrating her alcohol-clouded mind. Darcy’s going to kill me when he finds out about this.
Frederick grinned and pointed at her. The place went wild. Elisabeth pointed a finger at her chest and asked, “Me?” He nodded as he got ever closer to her. When he was about seven feet away, he unexpectedly lunged forward and wound up on his knees at her feet.
“That had to hurt,” she said, but he only smiled at her as he grasped her hand and put it to his chest. He kissed it before he let it go, then he stood up and continued dancing. He danced around her for another minute before he reached for her hand again.
“Here’s where I need your help,” he murmured. She could barely hear him over the music and the screaming. “I need you to stand up for this part.”
“Okay,” she said, standing up. The next thing she knew, she was in his arms and they were dancing together.
By the time the dance was over, Elisabeth was beet red but fully clothed, Frederick was down to a wide smile and a skimpy thong that left nothing to the imagination, and the crowd was loving the whole spectacle. Frederick kissed her hand again and said, “Thanks for being a good sport, Elisabeth!” She nodded and stumbled off the stage, not noticing Lydia talking with the emcee.
Elisabeth was barely back in her seat before Frederick, now covered by a silk robe, joined them. He took a seat between Elisabeth and Jenna. “Hello, ladies,” he said. Elisabeth noticed for the first time that he spoke with a faint British accent. “I understand someone at this table wanted to speak with me for a few minutes.”
“That would be me,” Lydia said with a smile. “I’m Lydia Bennet...oops! Make that Lydia Wickham. I got married a few weeks ago and it’s still new to me.”
“Well, congratulations,” Frederick said. “You said Bennet? So Elisabeth is your sister?”
Lydia nodded. “I eloped, she’s going for the full-blown ceremony and reception. I think I got the better end of things.”
“And at this point, I would agree with her,” Elisabeth said. “Are you allowed to do this? Won’t the other women get jealous or something like that? Don’t you have another number to do?”
“Are you trying to get him to leave, El? I’ll sit next to him if you’d rather not do it,” Lydia said suggestively.
“I’m not trying to get him to leave. I just want to be sure he’s not going to lose his job. So...you’re not gonna lose your job, are you?”
Frederick smiled and shook his head. “I don’t believe so. And if I do, it’s not the end of the world since I’m leaving the show at the end of this week anyway.”
“Really? Why?” Caroline asked. “You’re really good. One of the best we’ve seen tonight, and we’ve seen quite a few.”
“She’s speaking for herself. I don’t normally do this,” Elisabeth said, blushing. “This is only the second time I’ve been to a strip club, and it’s probably my last.”
“Wait until you’re married for a few years,” Louisa teased. “You might be singing a different tune. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be investing in a show like this one and...”
“Not likely. Where would I get the money?”
“You could get it from Darcy,” Caroline suggested. “He’s got plenty of it.”
Elisabeth gave her what she hoped was a disdainful look. Being half-drunk probably ruined the effect she was going for, though. “First of all, he doesn’t have that much money. You make it sound like he’s got millions sitting in the bank, when he doesn’t.”
“Does he have more than one?” Charlie asked before taking a drink of her amaretto sour.
“Yeah.”
“That’s millions.”
“Technically, but...would you stop interrupting me? You’re making me lose my train of thought.” Elisabeth frowned as she concentrated on what she’d wanted to say to Frederick. She finally admitted defeat and shrugged her shoulders. “It’ll come back to me tomorrow, I bet.”
“You were asking him why he was leaving,” Jenna said.
“I was? Oh, yeah, I was! Why are you leaving?”
“Because I’m about to graduate from college,” Frederick said.
“A stripper with a college education,” Lydia murmured. “Who’d have thought it? What are you getting a degree in?”
“Architecture. I’ve accepted a job to work in Chicago as soon as I’m done, and I’m looking forward to it. What about you ladies? What do you do?”
“Well, those two work with people who...who are...what do you call them? Something PC. They’re ‘people with mental illnesses.’ The rest of us work for Planet Earth Pizza in Effingham.”
“I don’t,” Lydia said.
“Sorry. The rest of us but Lydia work at Planet Earth Pizza.” Elisabeth beamed. “So, you’re giving all this up to become an architect. Or maybe you’ll do like that girl in Coyote Ugly did and come back every once in a while.”
Frederick shook his head. “No. I’m done with dancing for good, unless it’s fully clothed and there’s no money involved.”
“That’s a shame,” Lydia said. “Could you imagine how your act could start? You’d be dressed in your hard hat and a three-piece suit, and in the end you’d have the hard hat and...you could call yourself Frederick, the dancing architect!”
“Do architects wear hard hats?” Charlie asked. “And if so, do they wear them with three-piece suits? Seems an odd combination to me.”
“I’ll have to look into that,” Frederick said.
“So, Frederick the dancing architect, are you married?” Caroline asked with a flirtatious smile.
“Uh, no.”
Caroline perked up even more. “Girlfriend?”
Frederick shook his head. “I had one a few months ago, but...things didn’t work out.” A shadow of what might be bitterness and regret flashed in his eyes, but only for a moment.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Elisabeth said. “She didn’t approve of what you do for a living?”
Frederick hesitated. “That wasn’t it, not exactly. It just...didn’t work out.”
“Here we’re supposed to be having a good time, and all we’re talking about is something that’s making him sad,” Lydia said. “How did you get into dancing?”
Elisabeth sensed they were on safer territory with that question, as Frederick relaxed. “A friend of mine used to do this before he got into writing screenplays in California. He made good money and suggested I try out, gave me a few pointers. Dancing was something that came naturally to me, even if I hadn’t done much of it before.”
“Ooh, Charlie, there you go,” Caroline said. “He’s got a friend who writes screenplays. Maybe you could...”
“No, I couldn’t,” Charlie said, blushing. “Ignore her. My screenplay is not only far from finished, it’s horrible. Besides, you don’t know me and I barely know you, and it wouldn’t be right.”
“Do you like what you do?” Elisabeth asked.
Frederick paused before answering, as if he was trying to decide how to answer. “Yeah, I do,” he said. “It’s probably not the most respectable thing I could do to earn money, but I make more here in a week than I would waiting tables somewhere else in a month. Thanks to this job and scholarships and grants, I didn’t have to take out a student loan.”
“I wish I could say the same,” Jenna grumbled. “I’m going to be paying off student loans for the rest of my life.”
“Same here,” Charlie said. “Student loans and doctor’s bills. Wouldn’t you know that I got a full-time job with full benefits just as I no longer needed the benefits quite so badly?”
“Look at it this way. If you ever do need the benefits, they’ll be available,” Frederick said to her. “Were you seriously sick?”
Charlie shook her head. “No, it was minor trouble, but expensive.”
“You guys are hopeless,” Lydia said. “We’ve got the hottest dancer in this club sitting at our table, and all we’re doing is talking about health insurance and school.”
“What do you want, Lydia, a lap dance?” Charlie asked.
Lydia’s gaze flickered on the man on stage. They hadn’t been paying much attention to him, as they’d been talking to Frederick while he was being introduced. He was dressed in a sailor’s uniform and was currently gyrating near a group of middle-aged women.
“No, I just want to have a little bit of fun,” Lydia said, standing up. “And I’m going to. It was great meeting you, Frederick the great dancing architect, but this is where I get off. Or should I say get on?” She eyed the dancer with a determined grin on her face. She hoisted herself onto the stage and over to the sailor.
“Lydia!” Jenna said loudly. “Get off the stage before we’re thrown out of here!”
Frederick sighed and stood up. “Sorry, ladies, but this is where our evening together ends. You’ve been a lot of fun. Elisabeth, congratulations. Your Darcy is a lucky man.”
“Thanks. Good luck in Chicago,” Elisabeth said, handing him a ten dollar bill. He accepted it before leaping back on stage to get Lydia off of it.
Lydia was in the process of taking off her top. Once she’d gotten her arms free, she whipped it over her head before tossing it into the crowd. This seemed to amuse the dancer, because he then took off his top, whipped it over his head for a few seconds, then threw it to the middle-aged ladies who were none too happy that a pretty twenty-year-old was monopolizing the attention of the dancer. He leaned over and whispered something in Lydia’s ear, and before anyone knew what was happening, they were doing something along the lines of a can-you-top-this routine. Lydia wound up in her bra and underwear before management put a stop to it and escorted all of them out of the bar.
Elisabeth wasn’t quite sure how she made it up the stairs. As she’d been walking, she’d heard Charlie say, “Thank God I live on the ground floor,” but she hadn’t been able to offer a comeback to that. She was fumbling for her keys when the door opened, and there was Darcy standing in front of her.
“Hi, Darcy,” she said with a grin. “Darcy, Darcy, Darey. My own Darey. I love you, did you know that?”
“I never doubted you for a minute,” he said as he picked her up and started carrying her back to their bedroom.
“Hey, thanks,” she said. “I needed to get off my feet. They’re really tired, but you know what?”
“What?” Elisabeth wasn’t sure, but she would almost swear that he was amused by all this.
“They’re happy feet. And you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because they’re marrying you on Saturday.”
Now she knew Darcy was amused. “I’m marrying your feet? How about the rest of you?”
“Smart ass,” Elisabeth said before giggling. “You get the rest of me, too. How’s that for a deal?”
Darcy had reached their bedroom by then. He laid her gently on the bed and started to take her shoes off. Once he was done, he stared at her feet. “I’d take you for your feet alone, but getting the rest of you is the best deal I’ve had in a while. Where did you go to get this drunk?”
“Oh, just...out. We went to a couple of bars. I was kidnapped, y’know.”
“No, I didn’t know. Why did you have to be kidnapped?”
“Because I wanted to stay home, but they wouldn’t let me. They made me go bar-hopping. It was awful. Lots of free drinks and dancing and...” Elisabeth swallowed heavily, knowing what was about to happen. “I’m gonna be sick. Get away.” She stood up and, with an agility that belied her drunken state, managed to make it to the bathroom with a few seconds to spare. When she had finished purging her system, she rinsed her mouth out with mouthwash, brushed her teeth, and drank a glass of water.
Darcy was waiting for her when she returned from the bathroom. “Feeling better?” he asked.
“Depends on how we’re defining better,” she said before crawling into bed. “I don’t feel sick anymore.”
“That’s a long way to feeling better. Are you going to sleep in your clothes?”
“Huh? Oh, no, I guess I should take them off. Or maybe I shouldn’t. You might get the wrong idea about me.” Elisabeth giggled. “Oh, the hell with it. You already know all about me. How about if you take them off me? You did a good job the first day we worked together.”
Darcy smiled as he started to unbutton the jeans she was wearing. “I didn’t completely undress you that day. I merely loosened your clothing so you would cool down.”
“I didn’t have heat exhaustion, you know. I was pregnant.”
“How was I supposed to know that?” Darcy smiled at her. “I think maybe you should take your pants off. I might get bad ideas and take advantage of you in your weakened condition.”
Elisabeth snorted. “Somehow, I doubt it. You’re a gentleman, Darcy Williamson. You always were. You’re my wonderful Darey, and I love you. Maybe I’ll start calling you Darey.” Elisabeth looked at him and saw him grimace before he could stop himself. “Or maybe not. You obviously don’t like it. Or maybe you don’t like that I’m drunk. Is that it?”
“‘Darey’ makes me sound like I should be living on a farm.”
“Ah.” Elisabeth processed this as best she could and slowly nodded. “You’re right. It doesn’t suit you.”
“We can continue this discussion in the morning, El, but right now you need to get to sleep.”
“Oh, right. I was taking my clothes off, wasn’t I? Only nothing was going to happen.”
“You said that already.” That note of amusement was back in Darcy’s voice, and Elisabeth smiled as she wriggled out of her jeans. She figured the sweatshirt was okay to sleep in, so she left it on.
She barely noticed when Darcy covered her up, kissed her forehead, and murmured, “Good night, Elisabeth.” By the time he’d turned out the light, she was asleep.
Posted on Friday, 5 December 2003
The day before the wedding started out with a phone call at six-thirty.
“Turn off the alarm and get up,” Darcy grumbled when Elisabeth let the phone ring. She was feeling the effects of the bachelorette party and not up to doing anything.
“That’s not the alarm,” she muttered. “It’s the phone, and it’s on your side of the bed. Answer it and hang up.”
“We have an answering service to do that for us,” Darcy said, rolling over as the phone stopped ringing. He was almost asleep again when the phone started ringing a second time. “Dammit! If that’s your mother, I’m going over there and strangling her with her telephone cord.”
“Impossible. Ma only has cordless phones in her house now.” Elisabeth sat up, reached over him, and grabbed the phone, trying to ignore her pounding headache. “Hello.”
It was Sean. “Elisabeth, I need you to come in as soon as you can.”
“What? Sean? Is this you?”
“Yeah, it’s me, and I need you to come in today.”
“I can’t. Have you forgotten? I’m getting married in approximately thirty-six hours. I’m not working until April third.” Something penetrated the fog in Elisabeth’s brain and she said, “Wait a second. I get it. This is a joke. You’re not going to see me on April Fools’ Day, so you’re getting me now. Very funny, Sean. Remind me to return the favor by calling in a few orders for ten pizzas going to a fake address when I get back.”
“This isn’t a joke, Elisabeth. There’s a serious problem and I need you to come in as soon as damn possible.”
“Okay, okay. What’s going on? Has someone killed the Gossip Sisters and left their bodies in the store? I’m innocent, I swear. The last time I saw them was at my bridal shower last night, and they were still breathing then.”
“No one’s dead...yet. But someone might be if you don’t get here soon.” Sean hung up the phone before Elisabeth could again ask what was going on.
“I’m going to kill him,” Elisabeth said as she threw back the covers. “Never mind that I’m about to be married, never mind that I’ve had this time requested off on his calendar since December. He says jump and expects me to jump. I’ve just about had it.”
“What’s going on?” Darcy asked.
“Damned if I know. He didn’t say anything, just ‘get here now.’ Like I don’t have anything else planned for the day!” She got out of bed and stomped to the bathroom. She took a quick shower and got dressed, in jeans and a sweatshirt, pointedly refusing to wear her uniform in spite of the fact that she was likely going to be asked to work. Sean had said nothing about wearing it, so she wasn’t wearing it.
She spent three minutes trying to dry her hair before setting the dryer aside and pulling her hair into a ponytail. By this time, Darcy was fully awake and yawning as he drifted into the kitchen to make coffee. “Make me some of that,” she said as she grabbed her keys. “I should be back very soon.”
Elisabeth didn’t bother to listen to what Darcy said as she headed out the door, slamming it behind her. She hurried all the way to the store, figuring that the sooner she got there and dealt with whatever Sean was bothering her with, the sooner she could get back home to be with Darcy and Grace.
The first thing she noticed when she arrived at the store was that Bubba’s truck was there, which was uncharacteristic as Bubba was never at work this early. The earliest he ever managed to make it in was eight when he had to prep dough, and not always that soon. The bright blue truck sat between Jack’s car and Sean’s motorcycle. Elisabeth shivered, trying not to think of how cold Sean must’ve been even though the temperature wasn’t so bad.
She reached the employee entrance and pulled out her key to unlock the door, but before she could put in the lock, she saw that there was no lock for her to put it into. “Oh my God,” Elisabeth murmured, unsure as to whether or not she should touch the door at that point. There weren’t any cops around, which meant the place hadn’t been dusted for fingerprints. She used the sleeve of her sweatshirt to cover her hand as she grabbed the door handle and pulled it open.
She stepped inside and looked around. The back of the store looked the same as it always did. Elisabeth didn’t notice anything out of place, missing, or broken, which was what she’d been expecting. She walked to the front counter, which was where she found Sean and Jack. Sean was giving the dining room a glare that would frighten sharks while Jack was calmly writing labels for the sauces.
“I would still be thinking this was a joke, except I saw the busted lock,” she said. “Good morning, Jack.”
“Good morning, El.”
“You’re not going to think it’s a good morning when you see what’s out there.” Sean pointed to the dining room. The lights were on full. “Go on. Take a look.”
The tone in Sean’s voice worried Elisabeth a little bit. Since she didn’t see Bubba, she could only guess that this had something to do with him, but if he were dead, Sean would’ve called the police. She noticed right off that the tables in the back were all pushed together instead of being in their proper places.
If he called me in because Bubba didn’t close properly, I’m going to kill him. I don’t care that I was partially to blame for Bubba not having a proper waitress to close. He had Chazz, who’s ten times better than Caroline Benson any day of the week.
Elisabeth glanced around at the tables themselves and saw that they were all clean and properly set. The shakers had even been filled and there were ashtrays on the tables in smoking. There was nothing so far to indicate that Chazz had done anything wrong.
She reached the beverage bar and nearly tripped on someone’s feet. She looked down and let out a small shriek, because the last thing she’d been expecting to see was Bubba Collins lying completely nude in the middle of the dining room floor. The woman lying next to him with her back turned so Elisabeth couldn’t see her face was just as naked----and as oblivious. Neither of them had moved a bit when she’d shrieked.
“Oh, my God,” she said with a grimace. She turned away, praying that she would be able to get the image of Bubba Collins out of her mind, and hurried back to the counter. Jack had disappeared, but Sean was still there. “What are they doing here?”
“When he comes out of the alcoholic coma he’s managed to put himself in, I’m going to ask him that before I fire him,” Sean said. “Then again, I don’t think I give a damn. I’ve been getting complaints about him for a month, ever since he got passed over for the Newton store, but this is it. I’ve had enough of his crap. Not only did he break the lock and do God-knows-what in here, but he stole from the store. Did you see the beer bottles on the beverage bar?”
“No, I was trying to see as little as I could. Unfortunately, I still saw too much.”
Sean’s face changed from fury to bemusement for a second. “It’s not like you’ve never seen a naked guy before, El.”
“Yeah, but the guys I’ve seen naked are the ones I’ve chosen to see naked. I did not need to see Bubba Collins naked, ever.” Elisabeth shut her eyes as the image returned. She shuddered violently. “Ugh! I’m going to need intense psychotherapy. Why did you call me in to see this?”
“Because I need you to cover his shift.”
“I can’t.”
“Elisabeth----”
“No, Sean! Have you forgotten what tomorrow is?”
“How could I forget? I’m the one who had to make the arrangement with Newton and Vandalia in order to get enough people to work here tomorrow night so all of us can be at your wedding and reception. You’ve only been talking about it since Christmas. No one’s been allowed to forget. But I need you to work today.”
“Today’s the rehearsal and then the family’s going out to dinner before the bachelor party. I can’t work his shift tonight.”
“You won’t need to. I’ll work his shift tonight if you’ll cover me today. I was supposed to be off at five, Elisabeth. Your rehearsal isn’t until six----”
“JACK!”
“He made me tell him!” Jack called from the back, where he’d undoubtedly been listening to the whole conversation.
“You are officially out of my wedding!” she shouted. “And don’t think of appealing to Darcy, because he’ll stand behind me in this!”
“You’ll have plenty of time to go home, shower, and change before you have to meet everyone at the church. I’ll even be willing to come in at four-thirty so you can leave early,” Sean pleaded.
“How magnanimous of you, but I’m still not doing it. Let the moron stay on until I get back, but I’m not cutting my honeymoon short or working today just because of him.”
“I’m not asking you to cut your honeymoon short. I can find someone to cover his shifts until you return, but there’s no one for today.”
“How do you know? It’s a bit early for you to be calling around, isn’t it?”
“I know because I tried to get someone over here tonight so Bubba and I could go to Darcy’s bachelor party, but there was no one available. I swear, you’ll be gone by four. You know my word’s good.” Sean lowered his voice, as if Jack didn’t know everything already. “There were fifteen beer bottles on that beverage bar, El. Fifteen. Jack looked in the back, and the six cases of beer we got in yesterday are gone.”
Elisabeth did some quick math in her head and realized that Bubba had taken off with several hundred dollars’ worth of beer profits. “Is anything else missing?” she asked. “Is the safe okay? No money’s been stolen?”
Sean shook his head. “As far as I can tell, everything else has been left undisturbed. What I think he did was break the locks so he and his buddies could steal the beer. Only instead of taking off, he and that girl out there decided to stick around. The only thing he probably didn’t plan on was passing out.” With a sigh, he added, “Please, El. Don’t make me beg. It’s only one day, and like I said, you’ll have enough time to get ready for the rehearsal and dinner.”
She folded her arms across her chest and looked out at the dining room, only to be reminded of what lay hidden by the beverage bar. “I will on one condition. Bubba has to be gone by the time I get back at ten, because if I have to see him, clothed or unclothed, I’ll be sick.”
“I plan on waking him up any minute now, so you’d better go. Thanks, El. I owe you one.”
“You owe me a million and one, but we’ll get that settled when I come back from my honeymoon.”
“Admit it. You knew what I was going to ask you before you arrived. And you wouldn’t have shown up if you weren’t going to agree to work today.”
“I was going to come in and tell you to go to hell,” Elisabeth said. “Do you have any idea of the number of things my mother has planned for me today?” Elisabeth thought on that for a minute. Most of the things her mother had planned for the day, other than the rehearsal, were things she wouldn’t really need Elisabeth for. If she did come along, it was only so Ruth would have a whipping girl.
Sean grinned knowingly. “You can thank me later.”
“Sure. I’ll have my mom stop by to give you my thanks in triplicate.”
After the phone call, Darcy’s day did get better. Elisabeth came home, fed Grace, and got ready for work. She told him what had happened, shuddering four times after mentioning the state Bubba had been in when she’d see him, and said that Sean had promised she would be gone by four. While it was obvious she had her doubts that she’d get out early, he understood why she’d agreed to work.
“Sean could work open to close himself, but he understood my situation,” Elisabeth said. The two of them were sitting at the dining room table, eating the French toast Elisabeth had cooked when she’d come home. “I could refuse to work and refuse to go with Ma, but sitting here doing nothing will drive me crazy. If I go with my mother, then I’ll have to deal with her all day instead of for a few hours tonight and she’ll drive me crazy. Working was the least unappetizing of my choices, and it won’t kill me to work a few hours today.”
“Just keep reminding yourself that in a few months, you’ll be gone altogether,” Darcy said. “You’ll be in school and all you’ll have to worry about are term papers and exams. Then you might actually wish you were back at work.”
“Oh, no I won’t,” Elisabeth said with a laugh before taking another drink of the milk Darcy had tactfully given her in place of the coffee. “Trust me.”
“What things are left for you to do? I thought we’d gone through the checklist twice and had everything ready to go for tomorrow,” Darcy said, wondering what he’d done with his copy. He had a bad feeling he’d shredded it because they’d taken care of everything.
“Not much. Ma picked up my wedding gown and it’s in my old bedroom for tomorrow morning. Danie and I have gone through just about every hairstyle in her book to find the one that would look perfect with my veil. The bridesmaids’ dresses...” Elisabeth grinned. “Well, she’d still like to see Charlie and Ginger’s, but I told her they weren’t going to be ready until today and there wouldn’t be time for her to see them.”
“Ginger’s been in town since Wednesday. How did you manage to get her to swallow that one since she had hers made in New York?”
“I can be convincing when I have to be.” Elisabeth toyed with her fork before scooping up another bite of French toast. “Um, Darcy?”
“Yes?”
“Did I...um, did I do something embarrassing last night when I came home? I didn’t throw up in bed or anything like that, did I?”
Darcy smiled over the rim of his coffee cup. “No, you didn’t. You managed to make it to the bathroom in time.”
Elisabeth groaned. “I don’t know why I drank so much. I haven’t done that since...God, since long before Grace was born.”
“How many bars did you end up going to?” he asked.
“Hmm?” Elisabeth looked confused.
“You said last night that you were forced to go bar-tripping. ‘Kidnapped’ was the word you used. I was just wondering how many bars you went to.”
“Oh.” Elisabeth closed her eyes and grimaced. “At least...two. Yes, definitely two. Caroline took us to Sneaky Pete’s because she knows the bartender, and then we went to another bar.” A blush started to creep over Elisabeth’s face. “I don’t remember what that one was called, but I know they had the best poinsettias I’d ever had.”
“Poinsettias? You mean the flower?” Darcy frowned. Weren’t poinsettias poisonous? What was she doing eating flowers?
“No, there’s a drink called a poinsettia. It’s champagne, cranberry juice, and Cointreau. Wonderful stuff. When my cousin Matt was alive, he had a girlfriend who got me hooked on them. Well, not hooked in a bad way. It’s just what I prefer to drink when I go out.”
“Oh, I see.” Darcy nodded even though he’d never heard of it. “So you have a few poinsettias, and wound up doing what? Dancing on the bar?” When Elisabeth’s blush got worse, Darcy grinned.
“Don’t smile like that. I was wearing clothes, I swear on Grace. I didn’t do anything bad.”
“You’re sure? You seem a little fuzzy about last night.”
“I’m fuzzy about the details from the time we left the bar until I woke up this morning. Before that, I’m clear.” Elisabeth sighed. “I shouldn’t have had that much to drink. You’re probably sitting here thinking I’m some sort of alcoholic.”
Darcy shook his head. “I think this is the first time since I met you that you’ve had anything alcoholic to drink. And before you remind me that you’ve been pregnant most of that time, remember that you didn’t know you were pregnant when we met. You threw that party where everyone else was drinking and had nothing yourself.”
“That was because I’d spent the better part of that week being sick. Alcohol didn’t appeal to me at all.”
“I’m surprised that breakfast sounded appealing to you this morning.” Darcy took a bite of his French toast.
Elisabeth shrugged. “Once I’m sick, that’s usually the end of it. Well, that and a good headache the next day, which I have, in case you were wondering.”
“I figured.” Darcy took a drink of his coffee and asked, “How did the decorating go? Does the church look like we’re celebrating St. Patrick’s Day a little late?”
“I didn’t actually go decorate. I was on my way to decorate when I got shanghaied. You’ll have to ask Ginger or Jolie about that, because they were the main two in charge of it, but we did stop by and it looked beautiful. Very tasteful, nothing overdone. Jenna and Lydia were in charge...”
“Lydia? She’s talking to you again?”
“Didn’t I say anything about that?” She waved him off before he could answer. “Obviously not or you wouldn’t have asked. Yeah, she’s back in the wedding. She said she’d had a long talk with Ma and another with George. She says George was really only interested in going because he thought it was important to her, but if it hadn’t been for her he’d have no interest at all.”
“So all of the fighting and stress was for nothing,” Darcy said in disgust. “I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me, given that it’s George, but when I think of how upset you’ve been, it ticks me off.”
Elisabeth finished her juice before saying, “Well, I’m just glad it’s over. I’m glad she came along last night. She had more fun than any of us. I think...” Elisabeth paused. “I don’t think things are as good between her and George as she’d like everyone to believe.”
Darcy frowned. “I don’t know is I should say good, because that means he’ll be out of our hair sooner than we thought, or if I should say I’m sorry because she’s your sister and she’ll be hurt when he leaves.”
“I’m not saying I’m right about it. I could be completely off and the reason she’s not happy is because she’s not pregnant yet.”
Darcy nearly spat out the coffee he’d started drinking. Managing to swallow, he wiped off his mouth with his napkin. “Lydia wants to have a baby?”
“That’s what she told me when she first got married. She’s been off the Pill for a while and couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t pregnant. ‘You got pregnant without even trying’ was the phrase she used, like it was something I’d been thinking about doing.” Elisabeth toyed with her empty glass. “I tried to talk her out of it, but she saw right through my subtle arguments.”
“How about your less-than-subtle ones?”
“I knew better than to try. If I thought it would do any good, and if I trusted George Wickham an ounce, I would’ve suggested that we let Grace stay with Lydia while we were on our honeymoon. Having a baby around for an entire week might change her mind.”
“Not likely. Lydia would probably dump Grace with your mother while she went out partying,” Darcy said. A moment later, he added, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that because it isn’t fair to Lydia. For all we know, she’ll make a wonderful mother. She seems to love being around Grace.”
“Yeah, but she’s not around when Grace is cranky.” On cue, Grace started whimpering in the nursery. Elisabeth stood up. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe having a child of her own with change Lydia. For the child’s sake, I would hope so.”
Darcy checked the time and stood up as well. “I’ll take care of Grace. You need to finish getting ready for work.”
“Who’ll care if I’m a little late?”
“You will. Your mother might call before you can escape, and then where will you be?” Darcy gave Elisabeth a quick kiss. “Just promise me you’ll be at the church on time tonight.”
“I promise. Scout’s honor.” Elisabeth kissed him again before hurrying into the bathroom to redo her hair.
“Okay...hey, wait a minute. You were never a girl scout!”
Elisabeth was late. Darcy stared as Ruth paced up and down the aisle, occasionally snapping at someone because she couldn’t vent at the person she was most mad at. She had tried to talk everyone into a practice run without Elisabeth being present, and only Darcy’s suggestion that it might be bad luck for someone to stand in for the bride stopped her from forcing them to do it. He was convinced that she was the real reason Pastor Criswell had disappeared, although the man had said he needed to finish his Sunday sermon.
Darcy could guess what the poor man was going to talk of in church and made a note to himself to make sure he was paid double whatever he was getting for this wedding.
“Where is that girl?” Ruth grumbled, checking her watch for the tenth time in the last five minutes. “Pastor Criswell can’t stick around forever. I hope she knows that! If she’s not here to practice, she’ll look like a complete fool at her own wedding. What was she thinking, agreeing to work the day before the wedding?”
“It was an emergency situation,” Darcy explained to her for what had to be the hundredth time in the last hour. “The other assistant manager was fired, and Sean didn’t have anyone to replace him.”
“He could’ve worked open to close,” Lydia said, echoing a sentiment of her mother’s. “It’s not like Elisabeth’s never done it before because he hasn’t been around. She didn’t have to work.”
“You know, she’s got a point,” Charlie said loudly. She and Jack were in the balcony, where Charlie had been banished after suggesting that Ruth try to calm down and that Elisabeth’s being late wasn’t the end of the world. “Elisabeth’s worked more than her fair share of them. She even worked open to close when she was pregnant.”
“She had to do the noble thing,” Darcy said. “How would you feel if you’d walked into the store and found Bubba Collins lying naked in the middle of the dining room floor?” The minute the words were out of his mouth, Darcy wished he hadn’t said anything. While Elisabeth hadn’t sworn him to secrecy, he had a feeling Sean didn’t want word to spread about Bubba’s adventures after closing hours.
“Augh!” Charlie shrieked. “That’s disgusting!”
“Charlotte Lucas! Would you please remember that you’re in a church and not a locker room?” Ruth glared up at the balcony.
“I’m sorry, but you’ve seen Bubba Collins. Is that someone you’d ever want to imagine naked?” Charlie shuddered. “Ugh, just thinking about it makes me nauseous.”
“Stop talking about nudity in church!”
Charlie didn’t bother hiding her face when she rolled her eyes at Ruth, but she did turn away from her right after doing it. She was saved from yet another tongue-lashing by Elisabeth.
“Where have you been?” Ruth shouted as Elisabeth ran into the church, still dressed in her Planet Earth Pizza uniform. “I thought you were off until after your honeymoon. You did tell me that you were...”
“Yes, I did take off until after the honeymoon, only Bubba Collins...” Elisabeth shuddered, as she had every time she was forced to think of how she’d seen him that morning.
“We’ve heard already, so please don’t mention that again,” Ruth said. “Why did you have to work? Couldn’t your boss work the whole day?”
“On a Friday? That’s a little harsh, and I couldn’t do it to him. As usual, we got slammed right around the time I had to leave to get here, so I had to stay later and when I left I didn’t have time for a shower. But I’m here now, so let’s get started. I’m starving and I don’t want to be here all night, and I know the guys have somewhere else to be.”
“Like we’ve got anything great going on after supper,” Chazz grumbled. “You won’t let us have any fun, El, and it’s not fair considering where you got to go last night!”
“I’ll have you know I was an unwilling prisoner and...”
“Unwilling my foot!” Lydia said gleefully. “You had a great time with Frederick the dancing architect, admit it! He really got you going.”
“Not as much fun as you had with his colleague Bill the sailor!”
“Would you people please stop shouting in church?” Ruth yelled. “It’s disrespectful!”
There was muffled snickering from the balcony. Elisabeth looked up to find Charlie and Jack sitting up there.
“All right, let’s get started. Someone go get Pastor Criswell.”
“Where’s the pastor?” Elisabeth asked.
“He had things he needed to do that he couldn’t very well put off because the bride at this wedding couldn’t be bothered to show up on time. Everyone to their places!” She looked up at Charlie and Jack. “What are you two doing up there? Get out of the balcony and get in line now.”
Charlie gave Ruth a disgusted look. “We live to serve, and may I remind you that you ordered us up here because we were getting on your last nerve. And may I also add, the feeling is mutual.”
“Charlie,” Elisabeth said with a groan. “Please don’t make her mad.”
“Well, I’m sorry, El, but she’s making it sound like we’re hiding from her up here when it was her idea in the first place.” Charlie stood up and walked away before the argument could continue. She and Jack soon appeared in line behind Trey, who was bouncing up and down with a complete lack of decorum for his role as the ring bearer.
Ruth glared at Charlie, who refused to be cowed. The standoff finally ended when Ruth turned to Darcy, who was at the altar with D.J. and the newly-arrived Pastor Criswell, and said, “Music!”
A recording of Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” started playing. Ruth, accompanied by Darcy’s cousin Terry in lieu of any male relatives on her side of the family, practically stomped down the aisle in anger. Once Terry had her seated, she twisted around in her seat to look at the rest of them making their entrances.
Katie, the shy little flower girl, looked over at her mother, who nodded and said, “Don’t forget what we practiced, sweetie.” With exaggerated steps, she made her way down the aisle. Ruth groaned and buried her face in her hands as Trey tossed aside the pillow they’d given him to use for the rehearsal and ran after Katie.
Jack and Charlie, obviously not wanting to be outdone by a pair of children, decided to tango their way to the front of the church. By that time, Ruth looked apoplectic as Lydia and Chazz started to walk normally down the aisle. Darcy wondered if Chazz was sick because he wasn’t taking the opportunity to tick off Ruth. Once Ginger and James had made their way down the aisle, followed by Jenna as the maid of honor, Ruth stopped the music.
“Do you think this is a joke?” Ruth asked, glaring first at Charlie to her left, then at Jack. “Do you? This is Elisabeth’s wedding. You remember Elisabeth, don’t you? The person who thought highly enough of you to include you in her wedding party?” She glared at Charlie again. “The person who named her child after you?”
From the look on Jack’s face, Darcy suspected he was dying to say something that would only make things worse. He shook his head once in the hopes that Jack would get his meaning and continue to keep quiet.
“You’re making a mockery of the whole thing!”
“And she hasn’t even seen Charlie’s dress yet,” Elisabeth muttered from the back of the church, where she’d been waiting with Mel. She was grateful she was currently not the recipient of her mother’s diatribe.
“What?” Mel asked.
“Nothing. It’s nothing.”
“Now we are going to do this properly or...or...” Ruth’s face got red. “Well, you don’t want to know what I’ll do. Now get back there this instant, because we’re doing this again.” Ruth shooed everyone to the back of the church again, taking her place at the front of the line before ordering Darcy to start the CD over.
Darcy nodded absently and pushed a couple of buttons on the CD player. When Gary Glitter’s “Do You Want to Touch Me” started playing instead of Pachelbel, only Ruth’s presence in the back prevented the rest of them from laughing.
“I’m sorry, Ruth! I must’ve pushed the wrong button or something,” Darcy said. He pushed another button and the correct music started. “There we go. Now we can start over.”
Ruth walked down the aisle quickly but didn’t bother sitting. She remained standing as Katie, with tears in her eyes because she didn’t like to be yelled at, started walking to the altar. Trey, with orders not to let go of the pillow, walked after her with an aplomb that impressed everyone in the church. Jack and Charlie walked next, doing nothing to aggravate Ruth in the slightest, which earned them a wintry smile. After everyone but Elisabeth and Mel had walked, Ruth got up and walked up to the altar to change the music.
“I could’ve done that,” Darcy said. He nearly took a step back at the ferocity in Ruth’s eyes. “Never mind.” Ruth went back to her seat as the bridal chorus from Lohengrin started. He opted to focus on Elisabeth walking down the aisle with Mel. The sight of her in the Planet Earth Pizza uniform was almost comical, but somehow it seemed appropriate just now.
Elisabeth came to a stop a few steps away from them and gave the pastor an apologetic smile. “I had to work today, which is why we had the delay,” she said.
“Yes, so I was told.”
“As well as the reason for it,” Jack mumbled.
“No, I don’t think he was around for that,” Charlie said from Elisabeth’s side.
“No, I heard that as well,” Pastor Criswell said. “The discussion of the young man in question was...somewhat loud.”
Elisabeth frowned at Darcy. “And how did everyone find that out?”
“What’s going on up there?” Ruth asked loudly.
“We’re just discussing how everything’s going to go tomorrow,” Elisabeth said.
“It’s a sin to lie in church,” Jenna murmured. “And you couldn’t honestly expect Darcy to keep the news to himself. Disgusting though the thought is, the news was just too funny.”
“Bubba’s not finding it too funny now. Sean’s had him arrested for theft.”
“You can’t possibly be talking that long about tomorrow,” Ruth said. “Now get on with it!”
Elisabeth gave Darcy a look which promised him that they would talk about this later before smiling at the pastor again and telling him they were ready to begin.