Beginning, Section II
Chapter 1 - Something Old, Something New Posted on Friday, 13 October 2000
The summer sun shone relentlessly through the drawing room windows, blinding its occupants. With it, it brought an uncomfortable heat that was only intensified with so many people in the room. Elizabeth Darcy watched the children frolic about outside in the cool breeze with a degree of jealousy. Glancing towards her husband, she noticed that he too was a victim of the blistering heat. Every few moments, while he was pretending to listen to his mother-in-law rant, he would wipe his forehead with his handkerchief and try in vain to loosen his cravat which seemed to be restricting air going into his lungs. He glanced towards Elizabeth, making a desperate plea to her to rescue him. She laughed to herself and walked over to join them. Mrs. Bennet glared at her daughter, not welcoming her intrusion.
"I was just saying to Mr. Darcy Lizzy, about how we must come up to Pemberley for Christmas." Lizzy felt William stiffen beside her and she hastened to tell her mother that their plans for Christmas were not yet decided and they weren't sure if they would even be at home.
It was at this point that, much to Mr. Darcy's relief, Georgiana and his Aunt came over to them.
"Fitzwilliam, child, I was wondering if you would grant me a little favour?", his Aunt asked.
Her nephew looked at his Aunt curiously, "It depends on what it is."
"As you know, your uncle and I always spend the summer in Scotland and this year Rex, much to my own shock, decided he was coming with us. So now I fear I'm going to be horribly outdone by members of the opposite sex and I was wondering if I could take Georgiana along with me.". Both Rebecca and Georgiana smiled sweetly at Darcy.
Mrs. Bennet interrupted, "My dear Mr. Darcy you really should let her go. Miss Darcy would be better off with her Aunt. She'd only be bored at Pemberley with you two newlyweds."
Georgiana and Elizabeth blushed and Rebecca had to suppress a snigger. Darcy sighed, "Georgiana would you like to go with your Aunt?" Georgiana smiled and nodded and her brother replied, "Very well then, you may go. When will you be leaving Rebecca?"
"Oh we're going to head directly from here. When you get home you can send her clothes and things to us at the Lodge."
Darcy nodded. He was relieved that tomorrow, please God, he and Elizabeth would be home at Pemberley. He wasn't sure if he could take much more if his mother-in-law at this present moment in time. Their honeymoon in Ireland had been cancelled at the last minute due to minor drought crisis at Pemberley or at least that was what he had told Elizabeth. Truthfully it wasn't that much of a crisis and the steward could probably handle it himself, it had more to do with the fact that he found out from Mr. Bennet that Elizabeth had fear of sailing though she was too embarrassed to admit it to him.
Rex joined them at this point. Taking Elizabeth's hand, he kissed and declared loudly to his new cousin, "I must congratulate you on the wonderful service my dear Mrs. Darcy. Simply capital!" Elizabeth scowled at him though in her eyes Rex could perceive a teasing glint. Elizabeth still hadn't quite decided if she liked him or not. He like his cousin, she found impossible to understand. They were both well accomplished at hiding their true feelings. Though on the outside Rex was all charm and chivalry, she couldn't help feeling he held somewhat of a dislike for her. A feeling only enhanced with such teasing and yet catty remarks such as these.
"When do you leave for Pemberley Darce?", Rex asked.
Darcy looked at Elizabeth, "I think we should leave at three if we want to make Pemberley in time for dinner tomorrow."
Elizabeth smiled, "I'll take that as my hint then to get ready." Disengaging herself from her new husband's arm, she politely excused herself and made her way to her room.
Elizabeth viewed the room silently. For years it had been her bedchamber, her room, her private sanctuary. But now it lay bare. Almost all traces of its previous occupant were now non-existent. All that remained now were her travelling clothes and things she would take with her in the carriage. The rest of her belongings had already being packed up and sent to Derbyshire during the past week. The emptiness of the room struck Elizabeth's heart. That part of her was no longer. It was as if by emptying the room, she had been struck from memory. All that she was, was no longer. The person she had known all her life no longer existed. She was no more.
Elizabeth was shaken out of her reverie by a soft tapping at the door.
"Come in."
Jane appeared, standing nervously half in, half out of the door as if she too believed that her sister was gone and in her place someone whom she didn't know.
"I came to see if you needed any help." Jane started hesitantly.
Elizabeth shrugged.
"I shall miss you."
Elizabeth focused her eyes on the floor, "And I you."
Jane laughed, "Don't be silly Lizzy. Of course you won't. You'll be far to busy with Pemberley and Mr. Darcy to miss any of us. In fact don't you dare. I shall be very cross if I hear you're pining away for us in Derbyshire."
Elizabeth's stomach flipped once again at the thought of all her new duties as the mistress of Pemberley but ignoring it she gave a small laugh, "Dearest Jane, what will I do without you."
Jane smiled, "Oh I'm sure you'll manage. Will you and Mr. Darcy be coming to us for Christmas?"
"I don't know Jane, I'm not sure. It depends on Mr. Darcy's plans. I don't know." Silently she added, "I don't know anything any more."
Sensing her sister's need for a few moments alone, Jane left her and Elizabeth's thoughts once more returned to her empty room and the wedding dress that was now lying out on her bed. As it caught the afternoon sunlight that shone in the window, Elizabeth thought this was the most beautiful she had ever seen it. Illuminated, it seemed pure, holy somehow. And in this way it signified the end. The end of childhood, the end of innocence, the end of true happiness. The end of Elizabeth Bennet.
Chapter 2 - The Sweetest Thing Posted on Monday, 4 December 2000
The carriage ride seemed never ending. Elizabeth was restless. Though a frequent traveller, carriage rides made her uneasy. A free spirit used to roaming in the fresh air, she felt confined and restricted. It was also the first time she had ever shared a carriage with her new husband for a relatively long period of time and the close proximity to him was making her nervous. They had sat in almost complete silence since they had departed from Longbourn, save for the few efforts on both sides at stinted conversation. The silence was uncomfortable to say the least. Darcy, never one for making conversation at the best of times, was almost mute save for the odd inquiry after Elizabeth's comfort and even that seemed forced. And Elizabeth, still curious as to exactly were she stood with him, struggled to find conversation topics that avoided the wedding, her family, Mr. Bingley and all other things that could have caused potential embarrassment.
Finally the silence was unbearable and Elizabeth asked nervously, "How long do you think your sister will stay in Scotland?"
William gave a small smile, "I don't know. My aunt and uncle usually spend June through to the middle of August there but this year however they postponed due to the wedding. It depends on whether Rebecca decides to prolong their stay or not. Even then Georgiana may go back to Matlock with them considering Rex is home from wherever he was gallivanting last."
"Your cousin and Georgiana seem very close.", Elizabeth observed.
William rolled his eyes, "Unfortunately."
Elizabeth laughed, "One gets the impression that you don't approve?"
"Rex is like the big brother that sneaks her sweets between meals and encourages her to play rough and climb trees."
"Somehow I can't see Georgiana climbing trees."
William nodded, "Wait until August my dear. However most of the time I think Rex is a substitute for Richard when he's away. She does miss him though he is very good to her and corresponds regularly. "
"Have you heard much from the Colonel since he left for the continent?"
"Only a couple of times to tell us he arrived in safety. I'm sure Georgiana has had more letters than that."
Elizabeth was about to reply when she suddenly found herself unable to suppress a yawn. She blushed, "Excuse me."
William smiled, "You should try to sleep. I'm sure you're exhausted. It's been a long day."
Elizabeth shook her head vehemently, "No, I can't. I've always envied people who are able to sleep in carriages."
William chuckled and unconsciously reached out and took her hand in his own, "Well it shouldn't be too long now before we're home."
Elizabeth nodded. Home. While she had been in London purchasing her wedding clothes she had visited the house in Grosvenor Street. It was huge and imposing and Elizabeth couldn't imagine ever been able to find her way around it never mind running it. If the London house filled her with so much dread she couldn't even begin to imagine what Pemberley would be like tomorrow.
"There won't be any need for you to be introduced to the staff. It's too late in any case.", William continued. "You've already met Mrs. Chambers, she can introduce you to the rest of the staff when the time comes."
Elizabeth nodded dumbly remembering the tall, reserved woman that had greeted her with cold civility when they had been introduced last month.
William must have noticed an expression of fear and doubt in her eyes as he leaned over and tenderly kissed her head. "Don't worry Elizabeth. By this time tomorrow we will be at Pemberley, please God, where it'll be just us."
Elizabeth had to suppress a snigger. She wasn't sure which frightened her more. The thought of been under the close scrutiny of the ton or by herself with her new husband.
Elizabeth sat by the fire in her bedchamber awaiting her husband's entrance. She had barely eaten anything at dinner knowing that pretty soon they would have to spend their first night together as husband and wife. It was something that had filled her with dread for the past few weeks especially after a talk with her mother. Even though deep down Elizabeth knew her mother was prone to exaggeration and melodramatics it still didn't quell the uneasiness inside her.
Trying he best to think about something else Elizabeth reflected on the past day. How strange it was to think that in a few hours her life could change so drastically. This morning her role was as a daughter and sister and now she was a wife, her duties to appease and assist her husband. It seemed in a strange way almost like a prison sentence. The girl that had vowed to marry only for the deepest love had done the exact opposite.
Darcy smiled softly at the sight that greeted him as he entered Elizabeth's bedchamber. As soon as he had opened the door he had seen his wife curled up in the chaise by the fire, her arms wrapped around her in her sleep. She had let her hair down and the curls draped over the edge of chaise. His breath caught in his throat looking at her, he knew he had never seen her as beautiful. She seemed so peaceful as she slept, he knew she was absolutely exhausted.
He walked over to her and kneeled down by where she was sleeping. "Elizabeth", he whispered.
She murmured a little in her sleep and rolled over though she didn't wake.
William gently lifted her up into his arms and carried her over to the bed. As he climbed in beside her in what was almost a reflex she wrapped an arm around his middle and buried her head in the crook of his arm. He sighed softly against her hair. He wasn't really disappointed at this turn of events. In a way it seemed somehow right that the first time he made love to her was at Pemberley. Right at this moment in time he was happy and peaceful, not wanting anything else but to be with her like this.
Chapter 3 - Always and Forever Posted on Saturday, 27 January 2001
Elizabeth felt the sun on her face as she slowly began to become aware of her surroundings. Struggling to hold on to the last moments of unconsciousness, she was reluctant to relinquish the feeling of comfort and serenity that comes only with sleep. That beautiful feeling that at that very moment all's right with the world, that feeling of perfect bliss. Though she fought it as best she could, God or Helios or whoever it was seemed determined that she should wake. Yielding to the day, Elizabeth expected the warm, comforting feeling to leave her immediately, the warm embrace she was cocooned in to disappear. As she opened her eyes it didn't and for a moment she was confused and disorientated. Her surroundings were unfamiliar and for a little while unrecognisable. Gradually beginning to remember the events of the day previous she froze in shock. Feeling the arm wrapped around her middle she turned and gazed at the figure sleeping soundly next too her. Elizabeth blushed as she remembered how she must have fallen asleep the night previous on the chaise. How she had ended up in the bed from the chaise she had no idea though she suspected it might have been her husbands doing. She felt somewhat guilty at the events of the previous evening though she could not but help smile wryly at the thought that her husband's ego must have taken a bit of a bruising when he discovered that his wife had fallen asleep as she waited for him. Though it was a little amusing Elizabeth thought, it did not bode well with the future of the marriage and she resolved to make some sort of apology when he woke, what she could possibly say she had no idea.
Fitzwilliam Darcy sensed his wife's gaze on him and opened his eyes, brown meeting brown head-on. "Good morning."
She blushed and replied shyly, "Morning." The awkwardness between them was extreme. The lack of intimacy, both emotionally and physically, between husband and wife had caused a barrier to be erected between them and it gave this whole situation an air of impropriety and embarrassment.
Suddenly feeling awkward Darcy recollected that his arm was still wrapped around his wife and removed it immediately, jerking it away.
Elizabeth looked at him for a moment, almost surprised, before recollecting herself and forging ahead with some semblance of an apology, "I...um about last night... I didn't mean to, I mean I..."
Darcy dismissed her concerns with a wave of his hand, "Think nothing of it, it is of no importance." At this Elizabeth felt a gnawing sensation in her stomach though she didn't understand it. Darcy was silent for a moment before continuing, "It is late and if we intend to be at Derbyshire by dinner you had best call for your maid." He climbed out of the bed, putting on his robe, disappeared into his dressing room leaving his new wife slightly confused, bewildered and upset.
The Darcy's breakfasted within the half-hour and if the servants were surprised to see their master and his new wife rise so soon they certainly did not show it. However it must have come, as a bit of a surprise as though the fire was ablaze and the table laid the room was by no means warm suggesting that the fire had only just been lit. Conversation at breakfast was short and interrupted, Darcy spending more time perusing the daily paper and looking over letters that had come in his absence than attending to his wife. Elizabeth felt almost embarrassed and though the table was excellent had only a very little appetite. Mrs. Chambers, the housekeeper, came in halfway through the meal to enquire if everything was to the mistress's liking. Elizabeth smiled and thanked her politely, Mr. Darcy did not look up from his paper. Mrs. Chambers nodded and Elizabeth could have sworn she saw a suppressed smirk on the elder woman's face. About five minutes after Mrs. Chamber's interruption, Darcy arose from his seat and made his way to his study. As he left he called out to his wife over his shoulder, "I have some business to take care of. Can you be ready to leave at eleven?". Elizabeth glared at his back. It wasn't a request, it was an order.
For the second time in two days Elizabeth found herself shut up in a carriage with Mr. Darcy. One would expect, she thought wryly, that she would be a dab hand at this by now and there would be no cause for awkwardness between them. Wrong. As time passed Mr. Darcy was becoming more of an enigma to her. Just when she would begin to think she understood him, he would switch to a completely different personality. Yesterday he had been all that was kind, attentive and loving. Today he was back to that reserved, haughty character she had so disliked when they first met in Hertfordshire. She watched him carefully during the first part of the journey to her new home. Unable to concentrate on her own book she watched him read his as another young lady had once done. His nose buried deep in the book, his brow creased in concentration he looked particularly handsome and yet vulnerable. His slouched position due to the jostling of the carriage gave him an almost defeatist look. He must have noticed her regarding him closely for in a surprise display of affection he took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. Elizabeth expected him to withdraw his hand immediately as he had earlier this morning but much to her surprise he left it their and they spent the remainder of the first leg of their journey hand-in-hand.
As their journey brought them closer to Derbyshire Darcy seemed to become more forthcoming with his conversation, becoming almost chatty. The more he got closer to home the more he seemed to loosen up and not for the first time did Elizabeth notice the quick sense of humour and the biting wit he kept hidden behind his reserve. As it was the beginning of July the weather was quite fine and for the last part of their journey through the wiles of Derbyshire, Elizabeth requested that they should have the hood down so as she may enjoy her first views of the county she would call home. Before she knew it they were passing the village not five miles from Pemberley.
"This is Lambton", Darcy told her as they passed the green to enter the main street. "I remember running from Pemberley to Lambton as a boy every day in the horse chestnut season."
She smiled at him, "I have heard much of here. You remember my Aunt Gardiner? She grew up here."
Darcy could not contain his surprise as he recollected the sensible and kind woman that Elizabeth had introduced him too, one of the relations that Elizabeth need not be ashamed of even if they did live in Cheapside. "Indeed, I am quite surprised to here it."
Less than half an hour later they finally entered the grounds of Pemberley House. For Elizabeth it was both terrifying and exciting. She watched in awe and admiration as they travelled past the woods. The natural beauty of the place was something she had not expected. She had had some preconceived notion of finding Pemberley gaudy and manicured but as the passed wilderness after wilderness she saw how wrong she'd been. The road seemed to go on forever and she turned to her husband smilingly and teased, "I confess I had no idea Pemberley was such a great estate. I think I've seen woods and groves enough to satisfy even my enthusiasm for them. Shall we reach the house itself before dark?"
Darcy laughed and smiled, "Be patient. Wait."
Almost immediately they was a clearing in the dense forest and the house cam into view. Darcy ordered the coachmen to stop for a few moments as Lizzy got her first view of Pemberley. She stared in awe at the lake and the redbrick building beyond it. It's view left her almost speechless.
Darcy was delighted as he saw her reaction to the place. He was hoping she would grow to love it as much as he did. "How do you like the house Lizzy?"
She smiled, never tearing her eyes away from the view, "I don't think I've ever seen a place so happily situated. I like it very well indeed."
The coach continued on towards the house for about half a mile and the closer they got the more Elizabeth's nervousness returned. She was even more nervous now that she had seen the size of the place she was too run. She, as mistress of such a great estate, would be responsible to keep Pemberley running from day to day, to take care of its tenants and servants as well as its family. Darcy must have noticed her preoccupation for he took her hand and patted it gently in reassurance.
Finally they reached the house, passing through gates, into the gravelled pathway that surrounded the entrance to the house. Two male servants hurried out of the house to greet them with an elderly gentleman whom Elizabeth surmised must be the butler. As the carriage came to a stop Darcy climbed out first and proceeded to help his wife down as the butler said, "It's good to have you home Sir." He greeted Elizabeth with a low bow and said "Madam". She acknowledged him with a nod and a hesitant smile. Darcy remembered his position and turned to his wife, "This is my butler Mr. Harris." She smiled again, to which Mr. Harris replied that they would find Mrs. Reynolds in the entrance hall with the rest of the staff to be introduced to Mrs. Darcy. Mr. Darcy nodded and escorted Elizabeth into the house.
The scene that greeted them there was exactly what Elizabeth had expected but also feared. Heading up a line of an uncountable number of people was an elderly woman who did look much nicer than Mrs. Chambers. Elizabeth was introduced to the woman, her being the housekeeper. Mrs. Reynolds regarded Elizabeth, noting that though she stood tall with a relaxed expression fear in her eyes gave her a way and she looked little more than a young girl. She also noted the expression in her master's eyes as he gazed at his wife, he seemed the happiest she had ever seen him and she'd known him since he was four years old. If the young lady could make her "Master Will" this happy she was predisposed to like her. Taking pity on her new mistress, Mrs. Reynolds gently began to guide Elizabeth to the servants introducing each one gently.
After introductions to the staff were made Darcy was eager to give Elizabeth a tour of the house but Mrs. Reynolds put her foot down much to Lizzy's surprise.
"For heavens sake Mr. Darcy you've only just arrived. The house will still be here tomorrow and you've got the rest of your lives to be touring it. I'm sure the mistress would much rather rest this evening after two days of travelling. Go on into the drawing room and I'll send some tea in a moment. After that I'll show Mrs. Darcy to her rooms so she can prepare for dinner."
Much to Elizabeth's initial surprise and amusement, Darcy backed down almost immediately and guided her into the drawing room.
After tea Mrs. Reynolds, came as promised, to collect her and take her to her room as Darcy went to his study to take care of some matters regarding the estate before dinner. Elizabeth was glad that Mrs. Reynolds had taken such a firm hand and told her as much as the woman led her through large parts of the house that only daunted Elizabeth more.
"I would ask you please Mrs. Reynolds to keep running this house as you have done up till now. I confess I have had no experience at all of running a household."
Mrs. Reynolds smiled gently at her, "I ran this house almost single-handedly since the late Lady Anne passed on and I shall continue to do as you wish but you needn't worry, you will learn soon enough."
They stopped outside door, which Mrs. Reynolds opened and led her mistress inside. The room was beautifully decorated in a soft purple-blue and cream with cream linen on the bed.
"If the room is not to your taste just inform me of the alterations you wish to make and they will be done directly."
"No", Elizabeth breathed. "It's perfect."
Mrs. Reynolds looked sideways at the girl and suppressed a smile.
"That door", she said pointing to one of the three doors in the bedchamber, "Is your dressing room. All the clothes and personal belongings that were sent from Longbourn have already being unpacked. If you cannot find some things just ask you maid as she should remember where they are." Elizabeth nodded.
Mrs. Reynolds walked over to another door, "This door is to one of the old nurseries. The main nurseries are all up the hall but this one hasn't been opened sine Miss Georgiana was a babe though we plan to air it soon." To Elizabeth the meaning of this was clear and she bit her lip to refrain from blushing.
Mrs. Reynolds gestured to the last door, "And that's to the master's room." The woman watched in amusement as a blush crept up her mistress cheeks. Deciding to leave the girl to herself she returned to the doorway, "I'll leave you to prepare for dinner. Your maid will be in shortly and I'll send Mr. Darcy up later to escort you to dinner."
Elizabeth smiled, "Thank you." Mrs. Reynolds closed the door behind her and Elizabeth sat down on the bed, trying to reflect upon all that had just happened. She felt completely overwhelmed and out of her depth and for a full fifteen minutes she lay down on the bed and cried until her maid arrived and she was forced to compose herself.
True to Mrs. Reynolds's word Mr. Darcy knocked and entered her bedchamber. "I am come", he grinned, "to escort you to dinner milady."
Elizabeth looked up from the book she was reading or rather pretending to read by the window and laughed. "I am ready milord and at you direction."
He smiled and offered her his arm, which she took readily and leaned up and kissed him softly. It wasn't something either of them had expected and Elizabeth wasn't exactly sure what had prompted her but a delighted Darcy, regaining himself quickly, leaned down to her and returned the kiss, caressing her cheek gently. "You look beautiful tonight.", he whispered before leading her out the door and down to dinner.
There was something about his kiss that had changed, it was less demanding, less hurried but more loving and tender. It was the first thing Elizabeth had noticed that evening when they went to bed. It had really been the first time he had kissed her since they were married and for some strange reason Elizabeth had noticed the difference. They had never been this close before, there was this beautiful intimacy between them and she knew then that she was lost. She knew, not so much that she loved him, but that she was his always and forever. Regardless of what his feeling may be, she would never regret her decision in marrying him for it was with him she knew she truly belonged.
Unaccustomed to feelings such as these for him Elizabeth was surprised to feel the surge of jealousy that rose in her stomach when she realised he had had other lovers. She knew that it was ridiculous to imagine that she would be his first but it was obvious that though he certainly was not what one would call a philanderer, there had been other women in his life. Women he had loved and cared for. She may be his now but whether she would always be was less certain.