Beginning, Section II, Next Section

Chapter 7

Posted on 2009-04-28

Nora decided to stop by the library after dinner to send her email; and since James had to work, he walked with her.

"Jackie said something that reminded me of a question I was going to ask you," he began. "You know the Socrates Society?"

"I know of it," said Nora cautiously. She'd seen the posters up around campus, of course, and she'd passed the side room in the student union where they met on Tuesday evenings. She didn't actually know much about them, but the group looked a little intimidating: thirty or so students sitting around a table with serious faces, talking animatedly, gestures sweeping.

"Well, I'm a regular - started going second semester last year and I've made friends there. I thought you might like it, if you're enjoying Weston's class. We have a topic every week and from there it's just discussion and sharing ideas. Everybody participates."

"I don't know," Nora said. "Would they really want me to come? I don't think I'd be much of an addition to the discussion. I'm not much for speaking up, even if I'd have anything to say."

"Are you kidding? We love having new people come. I know you'd like it if you got used to it. It's not a debate club and you don't have to give polished speeches or anything. Some people just ask good questions, or put in a thought-provoking comment at the right time."

She hesitated, torn. It was flattering to be invited, but she had to be insane even to consider going to a discussion society, when it was bad enough just raising her hand in class -

"I'd really like it if you'd come," James coaxed. "At least once, to see if you like it. Next week's topic is right up your alley: Literature and Morality. It made me think of you right away. Please come."

"Well -" She was finding it terribly hard to resist him.

"I can come pick you up," suggested James. "That way you don't have to go by yourself. It's at six-thirty."

Nora felt herself blushing. "Okay, I'll give it a try."

"Good!" James gave her a smile that could have melted her on the spot. "I'll come by Pieper at six-twenty-ish on Tuesday."

Good grief, he was making it sound almost like a date! She felt happier about being talked into agreeing than she probably should, considering she'd be sure to regret it later.

Pieper had an antiquated system of buzzers that were still used outside of visiting hours. The male who wanted to see a female student on a school night, when he was not allowed into the inner sanctuary, would press the button by her room number in the lobby, and hope she happened to be in. The female would then make him wait a certain number of minutes before descending gracefully to the lobby, depending on whether she was expecting him and the exact status of their relationship. Buzzers were always going off in Megan and Jessie's room, and though it usually turned out to be Cole coming by for Megan, that did not prevent the two of them from primping every time it happened, or Nora from wishing in her secret heart of hearts that a buzzer would go off for her occasionally.

She had intended to wait for James in the lobby on Tuesday evening, since visiting hours didn't start until seven, but as it happened she had been in the middle of reading Antigone for Janssen's class and forgot the time. When the buzzer sounded, she and Jackie both jumped.

"What the -" began Jackie, getting up.

"Oh, it's James," cried Nora. "I forgot to go down." It was ridiculous the way she was thrilling at the summons. "Sorry about that, I wasn't going to make him buzz, but I wasn't noticing the time."

"James?" said Jackie, looking at her unreadably.

Nora blushed. "We're just walking up to the Socrates Society meeting. He convinced me to go with him, just to give it a try."

"Oh," said Jackie. "Well, tell me how it goes. I'm kind of curious myself."

Nora hastily grabbed her jacket. "Okay. I'll see you later."

James was waiting by the door with his hands in his pockets.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I meant to be ready before you came, but I got caught up in my reading - it's for Janssen and I always take a lot of notes for him, you know, because otherwise he catches you in class -"

"Hey, take a deep breath there," he said, opening the door for her. "It's not a big deal; we've got plenty of time. I thought I'd explain the meeting format to you as we walk."

Almost against her will, Nora did enjoy the meeting. It wasn't the discussion so much so much as the other members. They so clearly cared passionately about literature and learning and figuring things out. She didn't dare dive into the fray, but she was dazzled just watching.

"I'm not sure there is such a thing as art for art's sake," said a thin boy from the other side of James. "Isn't all art saying something, even if it's not specifically moral, as such?"

"I agree," said a girl from across the table. "But it doesn't necessarily have to be created for the purpose of preaching, to have a moral. No one does it more subtly than Jane Austen - there are no cardboard villains and heroes in her novels, and no easy answers. But she's also not afraid to condemn and approve. Take Henry Crawford in Mansfield Park -" the girl stopped and laughed at the blank looks around her. "Oh, come on, don't tell me no one's read Mansfield Park!"

"Is that the one with the prissy heroine?"

"- named Fanny?" There were snickers from the other end of the table.

Nora could not make herself speak up, but as the other girl's gaze swept the table she met her eyes and Nora couldn't help giving her a slight nod.

As the meeting was breaking up she leaned across to Nora. "I know you're a Janeite too," she cried. "Don't try to deny it - I saw your eyes light up. Why didn't you help me out?"

"This is my first time," Nora excused herself shamefacedly. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything."

"But you know what I was getting at, don't you?" said the girl. She was tall, with light brown hair braided across her head and a shabby, bulky sweater that would have made Megan and Jessie, and probably even Jackie, turn up their noses in disgust. "About Crawford, and the way you get the feeling he could almost, almost have been a good guy."

"I think I know," agreed Nora, "but I'm not very good at explaining what I'm thinking. You all are much better."

James had turned toward them. "That's not true -"

"You'll get used to us," said the girl. "We get comfortable with each other and then we all say whatever comes into our heads, until sometimes no one knows what we're talking about."

"I'm glad you've met," put in James. "Beth Grant, friend of mine, sophomore. This is Nora Worth, my cousin, freshman. I really brought Nora along so you'd have someone to rave about Austen with, Beth. No one else can keep up with you and if you use Mr. Knightley as an example one more time we might start throwing things at you. This way you can get it out of your system."

"Oh that's likely. Didn't it occur to you that you've brought me reinforcements?"

Nora surprised herself by giggling. "And Mr. Knightley is a great example," she said, feeling bold.

"Example of what?" said James, rolling his eyes.

"Everything, of course," said Nora, and Beth clapped her hands.

"Nora, you have to come back next time! And back me up about Crawford - I think we might do a literature follow-up in a few weeks; we do that sometimes when the discussion is extra good."

The boy who had talked about art for art's sake came up behind Beth and put his arm around her. "Do you want to come?" he asked James. "We're all going over to Sharp's for a snack."

"Sure! Nora, do you want to come -?"

"I should really finish my reading for Janssen," she demurred, but three sets of hopeful eyes were too much for her. "I guess I could do it later on."

It was, as she probably ought to have predicted, after midnight by the time James pulled his Volvo up outside Pieper to let her out; and her Janssen reading was still open on the desk waiting. But she couldn't be sorry. Her brain was dancing with ideas, ridiculous quotations, and new jokes, and her face hurt from laughing so much. She couldn't get to sleep for ages.

Wednesday morning, after the previous nights' intellectual revelry, Nora slept in and had to rush to English class with her reading only halfway done, which was always dangerous with Janssen. She was skimming the last verses of Antigone frantically as he entered the classroom and looked them over.

"Miss Worth," he said deliberately. "Have you, by any chance, completed your reading for today?"

"Um, most of it," squeaked Nora. It was no use lying to Janssen, as he always found you out and then dismissed you from the class in disgrace.

"Most of it," he repeated thoughtfully. "I wonder how you would choose to define 'most' in this circumstance, Miss Worth. Well, we will see just how far you got, shall we? Perhaps you would like to explain to us, enlighten us if you will, as regards the central themes, ideas, concepts of Antigone." That was the way Janssen always talked, as if he were secretly amused by the entire concept of teaching classes.

"Well, what I noticed was the idea of family loyalty," began Nora.

Janssen rocked on his toes. "Interesting." He waited for her to go on.

"All the characters have to decide how important family loyalty is, and how it interacts with other principles, such as pride, er -" she stopped to consult her notes - "hubris, that's the Greek word you told us last week. They're all trying to do the right thing, but it depends on where they put their values, you know, higher or lower in the scale - um, not like an actual scale really, but - anyway, which thing will have precedence."

She did not feel very coherent, but here Dr. Janssen filled in, with half a smile. "Then you would say that a tragedy results from an improper or unwise deployment of various values that are interrelated?"

"Um - yes?"

"Very well said, Miss Worth."

That was like getting a gold medal, coming from Janssen. Nora beamed into her Norton as someone behind her raised his hand to ask a question. Her spirits were not even much dampened when Dr. Janssen reminded them all at the close of class that they had a paper due Friday. Her paper was still mostly in rough form, but she thought she had some good ideas organized; and once she got rolling it should only take a few hours to hammer the thing out. Maybe she could even use her idea about value scales.

After classes she stopped by the library to check out some books as sources for her paper, then adding them to her already heavy backpack she headed down the hill to Pieper. On the way she contemplated skipping dinner; there was always the option of making hot-pot ramen, and she hated to be interrupted when in the middle of writing. Nora was wavering between beef flavor and chicken flavor ramen when she opened the door of their room to find Jackie, as usual, already back, and curled up on her bed with Nora's laptop.

"I've got to look up some things for tomorrow's econ, and James hasn't fixed mine yet," she said to Nora's inquiring look. "Don't be mad at me."

"Well," said Nora. "I guess I'll go back up the hill then."

"You can have it back this evening," Jackie said, looking slightly guilty. "I just have to get some notes down -"

"It's all right. I'll see you at dinner."

She tried to tell herself as she trudged back up the long winding sidewalk from Pieper, that she didn't really mind. She'd been used to the computer labs before - it should be no different now. And Jackie always procrastinated, so no doubt she was really desperate to use the computer. Nevertheless, Nora sighed as she found a station at the back of the busiest lab. The three girls in front of her were leaning together, looking at something online and giggling, and the scowling guy beside her, who wouldn't move his chair so she had to climb over his pile of books on the floor, was listening to music with his headphones loud enough for her to hear. She sighed, put in her disk, and propped her book up against the screen.

It was a quarter to one when Nora packed up her books and stretched her arms. Her eyes were blurring, but the paper was finished, at least, and she had high hopes that this one would get at least an A minus from the fastidious Janssen. All her arguments were in place, and the library sources had been extremely helpful.

She was disappointed and a little uneasy to find that James was not at the library when she arrived - it was his usual night to work, but he must have left early. The walk down to Pieper was as dark as ever. It would be a miracle if Douglas ever replaced those streetlights. As she passed the mens' dorm across the street from Pieper a voice yelled out of the darkness, making her jump.

"Hey honey, where are you going?"

Someone else laughed.

"Don't leave us, baby." That voice sounded distinctly drunk.

Nora couldn't see anyone. They were probably just stupid guys yelling from the windows of Johnston just above her, but just as she had convinced herself of this logical theory, she heard footsteps behind her and a loud laugh. It was all she could do not to run madly for the lighted windows of Pieper down the street. She felt a crawling sensation all up and down her spine as she made herself walk slowly on. There was a last wolf whistle, but no one approached her. Her hands were shaking when she reached Pieper and unlocked the door, of course fumbling the key in her haste.

To cap off the evening, Jackie had already gone to sleep, and she didn't dare to knock on Megan and Jess's door, so there was no one to talk to, no one to laugh at how stupid drunk boys act until it didn't seem threatening anymore, no one to reassure her and tell her everything was all right, that harassment was bad but nothing happened after all. Nora cried herself to sleep.

Chapter 8

Posted on 2009-05-05

James slapped his cafeteria tray down on the table at lunch, nearly spilling his milk.

"Hey," said Jackie. "You're late."

"Yes, and starving," he replied, tearing into his bagel sandwich. "Great discussion today, though. Weston can never stand to break it off, and I don't blame him."

"Of course you don't blame him."

"What does that mean?"

"Weston can do no wrong," said Jackie dramatically. "You're not exactly subtle, James."

James frowned a little, and changed the subject. "So we're leaving at three next Thursday, right, Cole? Did anyone check with Nora? – I thought she had class that afternoon."

"I'm right here," Nora said, around Jackie. "That'll be fine – I just need to pack the night before so I'm ready to go."

"You don't look so well, Nora." James leaned forward. "Are you ok? Not getting sick?"

"I'm all right," she said, trying to smile. "Just didn't sleep very well."

"When did you get back?" asked Jackie. "I didn't even hear you come in."

"I'm glad I didn't wake you up. It was after one." She tried to speak in an undertone, but she knew James wasn't going to pass that by, and he didn't.

"What were you doing out so late?"

"Oh, give it a rest, James," put in Lee, laughing. "Why does she have to report to you? Maybe she had a hot date."

Nora winced. "No, it's all right. I was just writing a paper up in the lab."

Though she hadn't wanted to draw attention to the whole stupid situation, it was gratifying that James realized what had happened at once.

"Oh, Nora, I'm sorry. I haven't looked at Jackie's computer yet, have I? Jackie, why didn't you say anything?"

Jackie shrugged. "I told her I only needed it for part of the night. I can't help it, Nora – you're so timid I just can't help taking advantage of you. It's terrible of me, I know, but you always forgive me anyway."

James was grinning for some reason Nora could not determine. "Bring your laptop by the house tonight, and I'll make you dinner, Jackie. Maybe we can figure out the problem."

Nora supposed she should be happy to get her computer back, instead of feeling so dissatisfied.

On the other hand, she reminded herself, she was really looking forward to fall break. The weather looked as if it would be perfect; not warm enough for swimming in the lake – it was probably too much to hope for that in the second week of October, anyway – but warm enough for walks and maybe making a bonfire on the beach.

Once the girls had decided exactly what kind of clothes to bring, the burning question to be decided was how to arrange the travel. Since there were seven of them, they had to take two cars, and who would go in which vehicle, and with whom, was constantly in question – though no one would admit it. James and Lee were the two driving, because Cole had a little roadster which would scarcely hold four, let alone their luggage. This left Megan in the awkward position of trying to get herself seated in Lee's car without seeming to, while Cole stubbornly insisted that it made more sense for him and Megan to go with James, because he'd like to get to know James better – his real reason being, as was sufficiently obvious, that he hated Lee immensely.

Finally, as they loaded up the cars in the parking lot of Pieper, James unwittingly settled the whole question by asking Jackie and Nora to ride with him.

"Thanks," giggled Jackie as she put her bag in the trunk of his Volvo and slid into the front seat. "What quick thinking to ask both of us! I wasn't looking forward to Cole's dissertations on lake house architecture for the next three hours."

"But I get carsick, you know that," Megan was saying plaintively by the other car, her hand on the passenger side door of Lee's car, which Jessie had just opened.

"Oh, it's not that long a trip," said Jessie. "Just tell me if you feel like puking and I'll switch with you. But I've been asking Lee to teach me how to drive a stick shift, so it would really help to sit in the front where I can see him."

"Hurry up!" yelled Jackie, sticking her head out the window. "The sooner we leave, the sooner we get there!"

Jessie got in the front of Lee's car with an expression of triumph, Megan slammed her door unnecessarily hard, and they were off.

"I get so bored of that," Jackie remarked by way of explanation, as they pulled onto the main street. "I wish Jess and Megan would settle who's going to get Lee and be done with it. It's annoying when they fight over him – not his fault of course. He can't help that he's such a flirt."

"Surely he could help flirting with both of them at once, especially when Megan and Cole are already together," Nora pointed out, as cautiously as possible.

"Who's encouraging him?" demanded Jackie.

"But he must know what's going on – he's not stupid. He must be able to see that he's stirring up all kinds of trouble between Megan and Cole."

"If Megan can't make up her mind to stick to Cole, it's better that they break up now. Lee may be doing both of them a favor, actually." Jackie spoke so authoritatively that Nora was silenced, if not convinced.

"It's true that Megan is walking on dangerous ground, there," said James. "And I've never seen my sisters fight so much."

"We'll be lucky if they don't spoil this trip." Jackie opened her window a crack. "It's so lovely outside, I hope we'll be able to enjoy it."

Nora agreed with this at least. The drive was beautiful, especially after they turned off the main highway onto a back road that wound through red and orange hills and fields of golden stubble bright in the afternoon sun. She was half-sorry when the drive came to an end and they pulled into a long driveway – and even sorrier when they got out to find Megan and Jess already at it.

The Hastings' house was a large, blue-grey one with low eaves under a row of pines. It was a pretty house, after all. You might have thought the place belonged to Megan, the way she said, "Welcome! Here we are!" in a tone of proprietary pride.

Jess took instant offense. "Yes, we can all see that we're here, but thanks for pointing it out, Meggie."

"Just trying to be polite, Jessie darling."

"Here is my mother," interposed Cole.

Mrs. Hastings looked exactly as anyone would have guessed, knowing her son. She was tall and heavily built, like Cole, but avoided looking awkward or out of proportion by being dressed and made up with extreme care and expense, so that her elegance of wardrobe impressed you before you had time to notice anything else.

She invited them all in to a long, paneled room with windows overlooking the lake. Nora did not know what the exact title of such a room would be – 'lounge'? 'sitting room'? Surely not something as bourgeois as 'living room'. It was simply furnished, with the simplicity that screams expense rather than restraint. All the chairs and tables were solid and modern and looked slightly like a very lush hotel.

Mrs. Hastings offered everyone drinks, "before I show you the rest of the house," she said. "I know you're all looking forward to seeing it." She did not seem to mind serving alcohol to minors either – Nora supposed that was what Cole had grown up with. She asked for water.

The tour of the house took some time, between Cole offering extensive explanations about the planning of each room and what he thought they should remodel, and Lee giving his opinion, while Megan and Jess tried to show each other up without looking rude, and James and Jackie dawdled behind everyone else.

"This is my husband's study," said Mrs. Hastings, opening a door. "He has a fascination with local history, as you'll see." She laughed as if collecting local history was an eccentricity along the same lines as collecting beer cans.

The study was paneled too, with built-in bookshelves and leather armchairs. Actually, it was Nora's favorite room so far. But Cole and Lee deplored its small size.

"Is this a load-bearing wall, Hastings?" asked Lee. "It doesn't look like it is. You could knock it out and combine part of this room with the lounge and get the same effect as a great room."

"We can't just knock it out," protested Cole. "This wall is right down the center of the house."

Megan looked torn, but she had the advantage of being Cole's girlfriend on his own home turf, so she agreed with him. "It wouldn't make much of a great room either, would it? This room isn't shaped anything like the lounge."

"I'm sure Lee knows what he's talking about," said Jessie. "Since his dad's remodeled so many houses."

"Well, it's not like I'm a builder myself or anything, but my dad taught me you have to have imagination when you start remodeling. Consider everything, no matter how crazy." Lee grinned rakishly at Jess, dropping his voice on the last word.

Nora had no idea what a great room was, but the idea of demolishing the secluded study made her feel about as happy as the idea of cutting down trees on the water. She walked away and went to study one of the old photographs hanging on the wall. It seemed to be an old schoolhouse, back when this would have been farming country, she supposed.

James and Jackie had come up behind her, probably with the same motives of escaping the argument over load-bearing walls.

"Ugh! Just look at that!" cried Jackie, leaning forward to get a closer look at the schoolhouse photo. "Look at the children's faces – so bored they could cry. Probably just looking forward to pushing each other in the mud at recess. And the teacher, as stiff as a board. I bet he punished jokes with beatings, or something like that."

"A lot of early teachers did the best they could, and they believed in helping people learn, even if they didn't have modern methods. That certainly hasn't changed – teachers never get paid very much, then or now." James sounded just a little distant in his reply, but Jackie didn't seem to get the hint.

"Yeah, right," she laughed. "I thought the main reason to be a teacher was to get the summer off work."

Nora winced on James's behalf. "They make up for it the rest of the year, don't they?" she said. "I'm sure there are some lazy teachers, just as in any other profession. But for the really good teachers, three months off is just their well-deserved reward for all that preparation, worry, and emotional investment. Not to mention responsibility."

"And I thought you hated high school," said Jackie skeptically.

James took over as Nora hesitated. "If she did, that just shows how difficult teaching is, and how important it is to be a good teacher."

Nora wanted to add that the teachers were not her only reason for hating high school, but they were interrupted by Jess, breaking off from the other group and running over to them.

"I bet you love this room, don't you, James?" she said. "Mrs. Hastings just told us that the desk in the corner was a teacher's desk from an old school. Don't you want to go try it out? Are you feeling a sudden urge to start lecturing?"

James looked down at Jackie. "Not really."

"Hey Cole, you'd better watch out," Jess called. "When James is a high school teacher he wants that desk for his room, so he can pretend to be Mr. Chips or something. What would you sell it for, Mrs. Hastings? Probably way more than James can afford, especially on a teacher's salary – he'll have to break in and steal it."

"Jess, shut up," said Megan, looking disgusted. "The price of the Hastings' furniture is none of our business."

"That's all right," said Mrs. Hastings graciously. "Jessie was just admiring the piece, I'm sure. It is a one-of-a-kind."

Nora shot a glance at Jackie while their hostess was speaking. She looked mortified and amused at the same time.

"Why didn't you tell me you want to be a teacher, James?" she half-whispered as they left the room. Nora could not help hearing her, as she was just in front. "I wouldn't have made half as many snide remarks about teaching if you had."

"That's exactly why I don't talk about it," said James. "My family thinks it's a big joke." Nora couldn't help being pleased that he still sounded cool toward Jackie.

Chapter 9

Posted on 2009-05-12

Given the various tensions acting on the members of their party, it shouldn't have been a surprise that dinner was extremely awkward. At least Jackie looked almost as painfully uncomfortable as Nora felt. James looked grieved and Megan and Jess wore identical expressions of disgust, for their very different reasons.

Fortunately Mrs. Hastings was a talker, and she seemed fairly oblivious to the fact that most of her guests were indulging in various levels of mental violence toward each other. Nora glanced at Cole, who was absorbed in his steak, and wondered again if he were really as clueless as he seemed to be, or if he – and his mother – ignored unpleasantness for some other reason. Politeness, or denial. At the moment, Nora was nothing but grateful, whatever their motivations.

She had to admit that Lee was pretty smooth too. Whenever the conversation showed signs of wavering, he filled in. It was a help, although Nora hated the smug way he looked, as if he were fully aware of being their social savior, and proud of it.

After dinner was worse. Lee and Jess found an old pack of cards in one of the tables in the lounge, and started playing a very silly game of something; Nora wasn't sure what game exactly, but it involved slapping each other's hands with a lot of giggling from Jess.

Megan sat and read the latest issue of Vogue, which she carried everywhere with her, in icy silence, while Cole tried to look over her shoulder.

James and Jackie were talking in low voices in the corner.

It was barely an hour before Megan got up and said "Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm going to bed. The drive made me really sleepy." Cole followed her like a puppy, while Nora tried not to think about whether Megan was headed for the room she was supposed to be sharing with Jess, or Cole's room. She wasn't going to put any bets on Megan and Jess curled up in a queen bed in sisterly harmony all night, not in their current mood of mutual acrimony.

"G'night, Meggie," said Jess loudly. "I'll be in later. Don't wait up."

Megan didn't acknowledge this, but as she took Cole's hand, she did look back at Lee over her shoulder, a look somewhere between sullen and smoldering.

Nora retired herself not too much later. She tried not to stay awake waiting for Jackie, but she did notice sleepily that it was 1:30 before Jackie came in. When you are sharing a bed with someone, it's hard to ignore their bedtime habits.

The next morning lived up to all the meteorological predictions: fine and bright, with a promise of sunny warmth later. Nora hoped everyone would try to forget the previous night, and they started out well. Cole suggested they go down to the lake right away, an idea that met with so much satisfaction, that they were all out of the house before Mrs. Hastings had finished telling them to be careful on the rocks and not to forget life jackets if they went out in the boat.

Behind the house was a huge patio followed by a really beautiful garden in terraces, a little too sculptured for Nora's tastes, but still pretty with its Japanese maples and cobbled paths. Cole led them through a gate at the bottom of the lower terrace, onto a stair set into the hill with matched bluestones for steps. You could imagine the price of that staircase without too much effort – thousands, Nora thought. That opened onto the lake shore – a narrow, pebbly beach bordered by rocks and pines and maples. To the right was a boathouse and beside it a dock stretching out into the water.

Without any discussion, they split up into two groups much as they had in the cars. Nora stuck to James and Jackie, who had started to walk down the beach to the left, away from the boathouse. The others were still dawdling along the dock talking – from what Nora could hear, it was mostly Lee asking Cole stupid questions in a brisk professional tone. James and Jackie were not very comfortable company at the moment, either; but they were still preferable to that.

Jackie shot Nora a glance as she came up behind them, but apparently she didn't mind Nora hearing, because she continued, "James, I'm really sorry about my er… comments yesterday. Of course it's great that you want to be a teacher. Everyone should have ideals. I say that, though I don't have any ideals myself, of course." She laughed with a harsh tone, then fell silent.

"So you're just saying that," said James. "You don't really believe it."

"No, I'm not just saying it. I do think it's good to have ideals. But at some point you've got to face reality, right? I really don't get why you'd consider teaching as a career. You did mean a career, right? Not just for a year after college as a service project or something?"

"No, I meant as a career."

"But why? You do realize that there are other ways to make a difference, if that's what you're worried about, ways that are a lot more effective than trying to coerce some bored kids to appreciate literature. If I heard Jess right – you want to be a high school teacher?"

Her voice rose with every question as if James's answers increased her disbelief instead of relieving it.

"Yes, I want to teach high school. And I don't think you realize the impact that a great teacher can have on someone at that point in life."

"God, James. You've watched The Dead Poets Society one too many times, haven't you? You know that's fiction! Real high school teachers are burnt out and underpaid."

"Give me some credit, Jackie. I have absolutely no ambition to be Robin Williams."

She laughed, but persisted. "Seriously. High school teacher who changes the world? That's like the plot of some awful TV special."

"Jackie, listen – I'm lucky enough to have grown up with a lot of resources. I don't think you realize what it's like in some of these urban schools. What you're saying is sometimes true, unfortunately, but it doesn't have to be. There are so few people like us who are willing to make a sacrifice and really care, and so many kids who sometimes have no one else to love them."

Jackie stopped walking and Nora almost ran into her.

"James! You're talking about teaching in some inner city school!"

"What did you think I was talking about? Prep school? Now who's got 'Dead Poets' on the mind?"

Jackie shook her head. "You're hopeless. Nora, c'mon, back me up."

The last thing Nora wanted was to be dragged into their argument, but in this case it would be unjust not to say what she thought. James had no one else to stand by him. "Actually, I think what James wants to do is amazing. I'm inspired just listening to him talk about it. I didn't go to a great school, you know – I'm only here because of Uncle Bill. And I know there are schools way worse than mine, where students never would get a chance to go to college at a place like Douglas."

"You're going to get shot in a gang fight or something, and then you'll be sorry," joked Jackie, but as her two companions just glared at her, she changed the subject. "Hey, look how far we've walked! I can barely even see the dock. I didn't realize the beach was so long, just looking at it."

"It's not that long," said James with cool certainty. "It looks longer than it is, because it's flat and narrow."

"Do you have to be such a wet blanket, James? That has to be at least a mile."

"It's probably not even half a mile."

Jackie shook her head with that way she had of tossing her hair back and smiling sideways, and Nora could see James begin to melt.

"Look at my watch," he argued, but in a lighter tone, half-laughing. "It's only been ten minutes since we left the boathouse. Are you seriously suggesting we walked six miles an hour on sand?"

"Oh no! I'm not getting into watches and math problems!" Jackie turned around and started back toward the boathouse, shaking her head over her shoulder. "You may be a teacher some day, but it's too late to start with me."

When they got back to the dock, the rest of the group was nowhere to be seen.

"Where'd they go now?" Jackie wondered. "How rude! I want to go out in the boat and Cole's not here to take me. How dare he?"

"They probably walked down the other side of the beach."

"I don't see them."

"Well, maybe they went around that little point, climbing over the rocks."

"How long is it to the point, thirty yards?" asked Jackie saucily.

"Okay, smarty, this time we're measuring exactly." James looked at his watch again.

"I don't think I can walk with you," said Nora. She was disgusted at herself for not being able to keep up, but it was true. She had barely been able to walk the last few feet to the dock, with her right calf knotted in pain. "I've got a really bad cramp in my leg."

James was instantly sympathetic. "Oh, walking on sand'll do that to you. We can wait for you."

"Yeah, stretch it out, you'll be okay in a minute," said Jackie, a little less sympathetically.

"No, don't wait – you go on without me," Nora said, feeling even stupider than usual. She hated having people make a fuss when she was just being weak and pathetic.

James hesitated, but Jackie said, "Sure, we could go down to that point and look around for the others. Besides, I'm still not convinced that James knows anything about distances." She looked up at him again. That decided it. After a few more half-hearted offers to stay, they left, promising just to walk to the point and then come back.

Nora sat down on the edge of the dock and clutched her leg, trying to stretch her toes out and wincing. After a few minutes the cramp began to subside and she scooted down the dock until she could dangle her legs over the water. The soles of her shoes just brushed the surface as she swung them back and forth. She leaned forward, watching her reflection form and shatter in the ripples, dancing over the barely visible forms that glanced underneath in the murk. She amused herself trying to make out what the shapes were – first a water weed of some kind, then a small silver fish, then a larger fish.

After a while she began to wonder about Jackie and James. Despite everything Jackie had to say, the little rocky point wasn't that far away. From where she was sitting, she couldn't quite see around the bulk of the boathouse, but even craning around backwards showed no sign of them on the little beach or even on the rocks.

Chapter 10

Posted on 2009-05-20

Nearly half an hour had passed before Nora heard approaching footsteps rasping in the pebbly sand, and voices. But it didn't sound like Jackie and James.

"What are you doing all alone?" said Lee, sitting down beside Nora on the dock, a little too close for her comfort. Cole and Megan were with him, carrying sodas.

"James and Jackie went down to that point to look for you," explained Nora.

"Oh too bad! We went back up to the house for drinks."

"Jess got caught talking to Mrs. Hastings," Megan snickered.

"What really happened," Lee said, "is that you threw her under the bus and left her there."

"It was for the greater good," said Megan. They nudged each other. Cole said nothing.

"Let's go out in the boat, Cole," Megan added, after a minute or two, and more in the tone of a command than a suggestion.

"Oh, but we don't have the lifejackets down here. If I'd known, we could have collected them while we were up at the house. I wish you'd said something then, Meggie."

"Forget the lifejackets," she said.

"Wearing lifejackets is a house rule," protested Cole. "If you really want to go out on the lake, I'll have to go up and get them."

As no one contradicted him, or offered to go with him, he sighed and headed back up the steps.

"The lake looks gorgeous with the sun on it, doesn't it?" observed Megan, walking a little way down the dock. "It's too bad it's not warm enough to swim. I almost wish I had my suit with me, just for one plunge."

"I wish you had your suit with you too," said Lee. "Oh, I'm not supposed to say things like that, am I? Fine, I don't wish you had your suit. I wouldn't enjoy watching you jump into an ice-cold lake in your bikini, at all."

Nora squirmed behind them, wishing they were both in the lake so she wouldn't have to listen to this. She could hardly believe Lee meant what it sounded like he meant, but she wasn't quite naive enough to convince herself it was all innocent.

"How do you know I have a bikini?"

Lee didn't say anything, and after a minute Megan said in a sharper tone, "Maybe you'd enjoy watching Jess. She has a bikini."

"Jess is a good athlete, she'd probably be good at diving," agreed Lee.

"And I'm not a good athlete?"

"I didn't say that." Lee went on in a half-joking way, "It's not necessarily an insult to say you're not as athletic. Being athletic implies a certain type, someone who rushes into things, someone full of energy; maybe a little more down-to-earth and not as –"

"–sophisticated?"

"Maybe, if you want to put it that way."

There was another silence. Nora couldn't read either of their expressions.

After a minute, Lee sauntered down the dock himself and poked his head around the side of the boathouse.

"Hey, there's a canoe in here too," he said. "That would be fun. Let's take the canoe out a little way while we wait."

"Oh, do you think –?"

"Sure, the paddles and everything are right here, and you know Cole will take forever counting lifejackets and telling mommy what we're up to. Besides, if we go out in the water a little way we'll get a great view of the house."

"I don't think Cole will be more than a few minutes," said Nora, unable to keep quiet. "Wouldn't it be better to wait for him, since he went especially for the lifejackets?"

Megan wasn't paying any attention. She said, "I don't know…" but with the regretful drag in her voice that just begged to be persuaded.

"You said yourself, forget the lifejackets," said Lee, dropping his voice the way he always did when he was trying to be charming. Nora couldn't see why her cousins always fell for it, both of them.

The canoe was in the water in two minutes; and although Nora felt she owed it to Cole to repeat her suggestion that they wait, she could tell it was useless. Megan gaily waved her paddle at Nora as Lee shoved off from the dock. "If he gets back, tell him we just wanted to get a better view of the house."

That was the stupidest excuse Nora had ever heard, and she was already blushing with vicarious embarrassment. Of course she would have to be the one to tell Cole that his girlfriend didn't feel like waiting for him or following his rule about the lifejackets.

They were still in sight, Lee steering the canoe along a course parallel to the beach, when Jess ran breathlessly down the stairs.

"You can't get that woman to shut up," she growled to Nora. Then she caught sight of the canoe receding slowly out into the lake, in which, even at this distance, it was obvious neither Lee nor Megan were paying any attention to the house. "Okay, what are they doing? I met Cole and he said we were all going out in the boat."

Nora kept her explanation as brief as possible, and tried to keep from sounding bitter, but Jessie wasn't slow. "God, my sister is such a brat. Serve her right if Cole dumps her. Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. Where did Jackie go?"

"She and James walked down the beach the other way looking for you all. They were just going to go as far as that little point with the rocks, and then come back, but they've been gone forever."

For some reason Jessie giggled at that. "Yeah, I bet. All right, I'll go see if I can figure out where they ended up." She loped off down the beach with her easy athlete's stride, before Nora could ask to go with her. Just as well, Nora thought. She'd probably disgrace herself trying to keep up.

Five more minutes of solitude, and this time Nora rather hoped she wouldn't be interrupted in her meditations, since the next person to join her could only be Cole. Inevitably enough, he came puffing down the stairs with his arms festooned with lifejackets, the minute she'd thought it.

"Where is everyone?" was his all-too unsurprising question.

Nora explained, shamelessly trying to throw as much of the blame on Lee as she possibly could, but as was only his right, Cole was much more shocked and offended by Megan's desertion than by anything Lee could do. After standing on the dock for some minutes, trying to convince himself that it looked like they were turning the canoe around, he finally let the lifejackets drop to the ground, and with a frustrated sigh slumped down to sit on the edge next to Nora.

"I wish she'd waited for me – I wasn't gone that long, was I?" he said.

Nora half-shrugged and made an apologetic wincing face. "I don't know – it was really only a few minutes, but it's hard to judge time passing when you're waiting for someone. She was really excited about the lake, and seeing the house from the lake, like Lee suggested." Nora had brought up the house excuse only because she couldn't think of anything better to offer, and then she was sorry she had. Cole just scowled.

"They can't see the house at all from where they are now. It looks like they're going to paddle around that island in the middle and then who knows what – probably go down to the other end of the lake and back. I don't understand. Why wouldn't she wait for me?"

"Maybe when James and Jess and Jackie come back, we can all go in the boat after them," said Nora, feeling even as she said it that her suggestion was horribly cold comfort. Of course, Cole would probably love to get in a boat and chase after his girlfriend, who had taken off in a canoe with another guy. Nice one, Nora.

"I don't know that there's any point in taking the boat out now," Cole said. She could see that he was determined to be childish about it.

"Oh, come on, I know Jessie wanted to go out, and I do too," said Nora. With relief, she turned to see the other three approaching.

"I guess I did get the lifejackets already." Cole was softening. "We might as well, instead of sit around the house doing nothing. There isn't anything better to do – I didn't bring much homework with me."

Nora encouraged this with all the enthusiasm she could muster, and turned to the others, hoping with all her might that they would be quick enough to grasp the situation and give her some backup. However, while Jess did agree to go boating, Jackie said she didn't want to.

"We've already explored half the lake, and I'm worn out," she exclaimed. "You all go on. I'll just go back up to the house."

But at this James offered to go with her and keep her company. Nora had already, in her efforts to soothe Cole, more or less promised that she would go; so she found herself watching from the boat as James, his hand on her arm, ushered Jackie back up the bluestone steps.

Despite what Lee had said, from the lake the view of the house and garden was mostly blocked by the trees which Cole wanted to cut down. That the trees were in their full autumn glory was all the consolation Nora got for the trip.

The boating group never did catch up with the canoe, and when they got back after an exhaustive tour of the lake narrated by Cole, it was growing dusk. It appeared that they had somehow managed to miss meeting Lee and Megan, who looked blank when asked where they had gone, and whether they had gone into any of the little bays or inlets. They didn't remember doing that, they didn't remember going around the island, and they hadn't seen the boat at any time.

Nora, observing, reflected that Cole would have been much wiser not to press it, but tact, or even dignified restraint, were unknown to Cole. He kept asking. They must have seen the boat. How could they not have seen it? Megan just laughed every time he asked. Lee said that they – he and Megan – were the most unobservant people in the world and shouldn't ever be allowed out together again. He looked at Megan as he spoke and she did her sulky look back at him.

It was shaping up to be another excruciating dinner, and to make things worse just as they sat down Lee said, "That sounds like rain."

They all fell silent at the same time, so everyone could hear clearly the soft thrumming of heavy drops on the roof above them. Considering they still had two whole days of vacation, and no one had brought any indoor activities, the faces around the table all went glum.

"Maybe it'll clear up," said Mrs. Hastings brightly.

But it didn't clear up. Nora woke up early the next morning, and having quietly put on a sweatshirt and jeans, so as not to wake Jackie, she tiptoed out to the lounge room or whatever you called it. It was still raining and the room looked chilly in the early morning light. Nora stared out through the picture window into solid grey. She didn't know how they were going to make it through a whole day in such close quarters. The thought was so depressing she almost wished her dad hadn't given her permission to come, or that she herself had been more determined in thinking Cole didn't mean to invite her. Anything so that she wouldn't have to be trapped here with a group of silly people who either liked each other too much or hated each other too much.

At length everyone got up and ate breakfast and listened to Mrs. Hastings talk, and found various magazines to read. The room began to feel stuffy in some indefinable way, as rooms do when you know you're stuck there, and Nora felt that she was going to have a bad headache. It hadn't come on yet, but it was going to. She could feel it hovering around her eyes.

She could have hugged James in relief after lunch, when he suggested that they might go back to campus early. He had disappeared into the study, where Mr. Hastings kept a radio, and after about half an hour he walked back out to the lounge and announced that the weather report wasn't good.

"It sounds like absolutely solid rain for the next forty-eight hours. They said the storm clouds cover the entire state."

"Oh, God," said Megan predictably.

"I was thinking, maybe we should just drive back to campus this afternoon. Not to say I don't appreciate your hospitality, Mrs. Hastings –"

But the rest of his apology was lost as everyone agreed that going back early was the most brilliant idea they had ever heard. Even Cole did not object. The only person who looked less than overjoyed was Lee, for some reason. Nora noticed him grimace and wondered what kind of a scheme he had been planning. Whatever it was, going back to college would ruin it, which as far as she was concerned, was the best reason yet to go.

Mrs. Hastings did insist on making them sandwiches and packing a cooler to take with them for dinner, which delayed the departure another whole hour, when if they had left at once they might even have been back in time for dinner at the cafeteria. Nobody objected too much, since it was Saturday and sandwiches were infinitely preferable to Leftover Night fare. But by the time Mrs. Hastings had found individual bags of chips to match the favorite flavor of each person, even James was beginning to show signs of impatience.

The drive back was silent. Jackie and James were lost in thoughts which did not seem to be entirely pleasing, whatever they were. When they pulled up in the parking lot of Pieper, they unloaded the trunk and said goodbye to James with a minimum of speaking to each other.

Chapter 11

Posted on 2009-05-26

"Why isn't anyone having any Halloween parties this year?" complained Jim Blake, settling down with a beer one Saturday evening not long after Fall Break. Everyone had congregated at the Sticks to watch movies, but having come to an impasse over Saving Private Ryan versus Good Will Hunting, they were listening to music and watching the end of a football game on mute instead. Nora could not be sorry – she thought both choices sounded depressing, and she hated depressing movies.

"Last year," Blake continued, "the best party of the whole year was the Halloween party at that house over by the Art Center – they had awards for the best costumes, and games, and the food was fantastic, not to mention a full bar. DJ too. But the people who lived there, and hosted the party, were all seniors, and they're gone now. This year – nothing. Sorry, girls, but I can't get excited about your dorm party. Dry, and over at eleven!"

"It's awful how uncreative everyone is here," said Megan. "I didn't expect much at Douglas, but I did think there might be a little more of a social life than this. I guess with Mrs. Barnes planning our Halloween party, there's nothing we can do about it, although she'll probably be mad when no one shows up, and have no idea why. Cole, can you rub my back? My shoulder's stiff."

"New idea," said Lee. "We have a Halloween party ourselves here at the Sticks."

"Brilliant!" said Jess, who was sitting on the floor at Lee's feet.

"Fantastic," said Megan at the same time, and then to Cole, "Ow, not like that!"

"Here, let me try. I'm pretty good at massages," said Lee, reaching over.

Megan scooted over, ignoring both Cole's protests and the fact that she was pushing Jess out of the way. Lee put his hands on her shoulders caressingly, leaning in with his chin almost in her hair. "Ooooh," she moaned, kind of indecently considering her boyfriend was next to her, Nora thought.

"So you want to do a party?" said Blake, who was nothing if not persistent.

"I really don't think having a party at a house that belongs to Dad is a very good idea," said James.

"Raise your hand if you care what James thinks." Tim was, as usual, quick to mock.

"You can care what I think or not care what I think. Your opinion of me isn't the point. I seem to remember that 'no parties' was a requirement of our agreement with Dad."

"God, James, you're so literal. Dad wouldn't mind a small party – he just doesn't want the place trashed."

"So should we have a theme for the costumes, or not?"

"Definitely a theme – otherwise you get the same thing over and over. People are so boring." That was Lee, and of course the minute he spoke, Jess and Megan were all in favor of theme ideas too.

"Oooh yes –"

"Let's see, we could do movies, or retro, like fifties or something –"

"Naughty and Nice!" shouted Blake.

"– or something with food," put in Cole vaguely.

"What about Paris as a theme. Lee could help us." Megan was envisioning herself in a French maid costume, you could just see it on her face.

Blake yelled, "Naughty and Nice!" louder this time.

Nora shuddered. She looked over at James, who was stiff with anger and worry.

"Tim," she heard him say, under the noisy discussion, "I really don't think this is a good idea."

"What Dad doesn't know won't hurt him," Tim said.

"But he's trusting us to take care of the house – I don't feel right about this at all."

"Look, James – we're talking about inviting some friends over for Halloween. That's all. It's not a 'party' like Dad warned us about. We won't even advertise it. Invitation only. It's not that big a deal, okay?"

"I don't know, it sounds like it could be really expensive."

"Not if we all share the cost. You can do decorations for practically nothing. And anyway, if you're not planning it, you don't have to worry about it. Let us take care of the cost. It's none of your business."

"It is my business when it's taking place in a house I promised Dad to take care of."

"What are you going to do about it? Call Dad and tattle?" Tim was getting really annoyed.

"No, but I just want you to know that I'm not taking responsibility for any of this. I'm not getting involved, and if anything happens you can answer to Dad."

"Fine!"

"Fine."

Nora was distracted by Jackie asking her what she planned for her costume. And of course she'd missed what they had decided about themes.

"Oh, I don't really like dressing up," she demurred hastily, to a chorus of "C'mon, Nora!"

"No really, I'd rather not be involved. It's none of my business what you all do, but I owe Uncle Bill everything and I don't want to do anything he wouldn't like."

"Well, if you're not planning anything," said Megan, looking sly, "do you mind if I borrow some of your clothes?"

That was an odd request, but she found herself answering automatically, "No, of course not, but I doubt if I have anything that would fit you – you're a lot taller than me."

Megan shrieked with laughter before she had finished speaking, and Nora deduced that they must have settled on Naughty and Nice after all.

"They don't realize how this kind of thing can get out of hand," ranted James later as he walked Nora back to the dorm, leaving the party planning in full swing behind them. "The word gets out, a few people invite their neighbors, and pretty soon you have total chaos on your hands. That's exactly why Dad made the no-party rule so strict, and Tim knows it. Blake doesn't know my Dad as well, so maybe he doesn't realize that Dad always means what he says – no interpretation, no stretching a point."

"I would have thought the Cadwells might have respected your concerns a little more, considering you're the one who lives there," said Nora.

James's face softened a little. "Well, they have no idea what any of our rules are, and they're not responsible to Dad either. You notice Jackie wasn't pushing it nearly as hard as my own sisters, who ought to know better."

Nora had noticed no such thing, but she kept her mouth shut.

"Ugh! And of course they decided on the worst, most offensive possible theme idea!" James burst out as they reached Pieper. "Do you mind if we walk down the block to the arboretum? I don't want to go back yet, and I should probably try and calm down a little anyway."

"Sure," said Nora, a lovely warm thrill at her heart. Did she mind?

"You don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

"Oh no – if you'd like the company – it's a beautiful night –" And it was, chill and bright with the first cold of autumn, the still air stinging her face just enough to be wakeful and not enough to be painful. For just one moment she thought how perfect it would be if James reached over and took her hand. But she knew he didn't feel that way about her. She stuck her hands deep in her jacket pockets for warmth and sighed. James was talking about Jackie.

"It's such a pity that Jackie grew up the way she did. She's an amazing person really – she's talented, she's sweet, she's funny – she could do anything she wants to. But she's so lost. I think her dad has made her cynical, so she thinks she can't do anything really worthwhile. Maybe she doesn't think there is anything worthwhile, I don't know. But I do know she's not really like that, underneath all that hard shell."

"Mmm," said Nora.

"I'm not expressing it very well, but you know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

"Yes, I know what you mean," she said, although she wasn't sure, actually. Jackie was awfully hard to get a read on. Obviously, there must be something Jackie really cared about, but it was difficult to tell. It might be that she really cared about herself, and nothing else. However, that boiled down to the same thing James was saying, except that Nora didn't think it was her personal mission to save lost little Jackie.

Well, if James was biased, so was Nora. Her opinion of Jackie was inversely proportional to his, and she knew perfectly well why. She didn't want James to like Jackie. It was selfish and it was silly, but it was true. And she was afraid that in spite of all their differences, all their arguments, they would end up together. She couldn't see it working, but it would happen anyway, and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

She had tried not to fall in love with James. Even now, she tried to tell herself it was nothing but a crush. But he was too nice, too sweet, too good – she couldn't help it. She wanted him to think of her, not just as a shy cousin who needed a lot of help, but as a girl who shared his opinions, his dreams, his tastes. It would never happen. For all they weren't really related by blood, she could see that to him she was exactly the same as a sister.

"Maybe I'll talk to Megan and Jess," mused James. "Blake can be kind of dense sometimes, but if I get the girls to think about what they're doing, we can put a stop to things without making a fuss about it."

Nora doubted that. She privately thought Lee's opinion would have a lot more sway with Megan and Jess than their older brother's. They might not even have paid any attention to Tim if Lee hadn't jumped in as well. But she hoped for the best – maybe Jess at least would listen to James.

"I hope they listen," she said out loud.

"Well, if not, then I'll give up, but at least I'll have done my best," James said.

James brought up the topic of the party the next day at lunch. Lee was sitting with a group of international studies majors, and Jackie had grabbed a sandwich and run off to finish a paper before her afternoon class. Even Cole had some pre-law meeting to attend. There were only Bayfields at the table – and Nora of course – which was what James had intended.

"I wanted to talk to you two about this Halloween Party," he began, straightforward as usual.

Megan rolled her eyes. "Give it up, James. We all know what you think."

"Megan, listen for a minute. I think the theme you've picked is disgusting, but that's not even my main point. If it were just that, I'd keep my mouth shut and stay out of it. But we have a responsibility to Dad, and while you and Jess don't live in the house, you are part of the family."

"You just admitted you think it's disgusting – that shows you're biased. James, you're such a prude."

"There are three people who live in the house, who all had the same conversation with Dad," interposed Jessie. "Two out of three don't see a problem with having a Halloween party. So why should we believe you instead? What makes you think you should be the arbiter of Dad's wishes?"

"Probably because Blake never listens and Tim doesn't even pay Dad the rent he's supposed to according to the agreement."

Jess opened her mouth, but she didn't have an answer for that one.

James pressed his advantage, turning back to Megan. "You two are the leaders of our group, socially anyway. If you and Jess both said you had changed your minds about the party, everyone else would follow your lead."

An appeal to her vanity was a good tactic. Megan spoke without her usual sarcasm. "Look, I appreciate the fact that you're coming to us with your concern, James. But I really think you're blowing this completely out of proportion."

As she spoke, Tim walked up to their table. Almost before his tray touched the table he was talking about the party. James just looked over at Nora and shrugged. She knew what he was thinking – at least he'd tried.

Chapter 12

Posted on 2009-06-02

All anyone could talk about for the next week was the Halloween Party. Tim sat with them at nearly every meal instead of with his senior friends, on purpose to discuss it. Sometimes he brought a few of the senior friends over as well.

They had apparently decided that party planning tasks should be divided up so that each person had some responsibility, but the actual work involved was shared very unequally, as far as Nora could tell.

"So Blake is going to be DJ," said Tim on Tuesday at dinner, summarizing for at least the tenth time. "Lee and Megan are doing decor and ambience - transforming the Sticks into a decadent Paris nightclub."

"I'm sure I could help with decorations," put in Cole.

"Honey, you're no good at decorating," said Megan in her being-kind-to-Cole voice.

"Besides," added Lee. "You're the only person we can trust to act as bartender. You know how to make all the drinks and you have enough sense to take care of all the liquor and not let any freshmen get totally smashed."

"Jess is doing invitations," continued Tim, ignoring this interruption.

"I should be helping with decor instead of Megan - at least I have taste," said Jess in an undertone to no one in particular.

"I thought I was doing invitations?" Jackie asked.

"Oh, that's right, Jackie's doing invitations. She knows where to get them printed."

"Wait a minute, then what's Jess going to do?" asked Lee.

"That's all right," said Jess. "I can just help you out with decor."

"No you can't," Megan snapped.

Lee explained. "What we're doing is a surprise. We wanted to keep it just the two of us."

"You're kidding me. You won't let me help?"

"You should do the invitations. Didn't you tell me you can do hand-lettering? Besides, I was looking forward to being there to see your face when you see everything complete. I really wanted the surprise to be for you." Lee dropped his voice, and Jess began to look a little happier, but Tim interrupted again.

"No, we've already settled this. Jackie's doing invitations. Jess could do snacks if she wants - she knows how to make red velvet cake."

Jess blinked, and Nora thought she might have been going to cry, but she only burst out, "Don't worry, Tim, Lee. I have no intention of serving as your cook. You can get anyone to fill punch glasses or whatever. I'm absolutely not doing that. I wanted to help, but if you don't need me, it's really not a big deal." And she picked up her tray and left.

Nora half wanted to go after her, but she wouldn't know what to say, and Jess had never confided in her. So she stayed where she was, feeling sorry for Jess and wishing she had the nerve to go storming off too.

"Okay, so we've got all the assignments settled," said Jackie. "But the thing is, I might need some help with the invitations. I know a guy who works in a print shop downtown and he's going to give me a discount on printing - orange paper and everything. But I'm no good with computers - I don't even know how to insert clip art, or make the letters curved like they do on invitations. And my handwriting is crap. Maybe we should have asked Jess to collaborate with me."

"Well, it's too late now. I know my sister. Once she's in a snit like that, she doesn't get over it for a while."

"Um... I guess I can ask around in some of my classes or on the hall in the dorm, or something," said Jackie. "I really need to find someone who's good with computers. Tim? Could you help me?"

"I will if I have time, but I'm supposed to be cleaning the whole house and moving the furniture around and I have a big history test next week - it couldn't be timed any worse."

Here James looked at his watch. "It's getting late. Nora - are you ready to go? Socrates society starts in fifteen minutes."

"Sure," said Nora, in relief.

James was fairly silent as they walked over to the student union. Nora wondered what he was thinking, and she was afraid she could guess. Jackie had so obviously been angling for him with her comments about a computer expert.

Watching, she thought James looked brighter as they greeted Beth Grant and Alex Martin and the other regulars. Tonight's discussion was about history - are we doomed to repeat ourselves? the flyers had demanded. As usual, Alex was playing devil's advocate, and Beth was matching him argument for argument.

"We've been making the same mistakes now for several thousand years," said Alex, leaning back in his chair with the air of having proved his point. "And the problem, as I see it, is that you only learn from your mistakes if you actually experience them. Reading about it isn't enough, because everyone always thinks they'd be smarter than that."

"How can you say we haven't learned anything?" retorted Beth. "We don't torture people anymore, do we?"

"That's just because we're on a non-torturing swing now. The pendulum will go back the other way. Maybe it already has."

"Wait," Nora began, just as Beth opened her mouth, and then, caught off guard, she stumbled and blushed. "Sorry Beth, go ahead - Oh, all right, well I was just going to say - I mean - just supposing Alex is right."

"I definitely am," put in Alex.

"You're saying we haven't learned so far - granted that's true, do you think there's anything that could teach us to learn from our mistakes? If you could make it happen, how would you do it?"

Alex paused for so long that Beth, who was sitting next to Nora, nudged her with a triumphant glance. But Nora hadn't meant it as a zinger. She was relieved when James and Alex started talking at the same time about ideas that could make a difference, and then when they were joined from further down the table by a guy with a scruffy beard who seemed to be a poli-sci major.

"Good question, Nora," James said to her later, as they were walking down to Pieper through the chilly starlight. There was frost on the grass and everything had a dim and distant sparkle. "I think you single-handedly broke that discussion open."

Nora blushed again - she could feel the heat in her cheeks against the cold air. "I'm trying to participate more."

"You participated with a vengeance tonight! No, it was great, really."

After a minute of silence, James spoke again in an entirely different tone of voice. "Jackie wants me to help her with the invitations for their Halloween party."

"She asked you?"

"Yes, while you were turning in your dinner tray."

"What did you say?"

"I said no, of course. But I'm really concerned, Nora. I want to get your feedback on this."

"You want my advice?" Nora said, astonished. He was a junior, after all, and she was a freshman, often a foolish freshman at that.

"Yes, I need to bounce some thoughts off someone, and it has to be someone outside who also knows the people involved. Besides, you always have a lot of common sense."

She pushed her hands deeper into her jacket pockets. "Okay -"

"I told Jackie no, and she said that was fine. But then she said she'd just ask someone else. She said she thought she knew someone in her history class who would help. And here's the thing, Nora. This is turning out exactly the way I was afraid it would. The whole project is expanding exponentially by the minute. Tim's already told who knows how many of his friends, and they'll probably mention it to people they know; and here we are. We already don't know how many people are going to be showing up to this supposedly private party. All we need is for a couple of the frats to find out about it."

"I know!" agreed Nora. "But what can we do about it? It seems like it's already too late."

"That's what I wanted to ask you about. I think I could probably keep a handle on it - damage control, you know."

"How would you do that?" she asked. No one was listening to reason as it was. Nora didn't want to say that and sound like a wet blanket, but she didn't see how James was going to limit the craziness when he hadn't been able to make them show any respect for his father's rules.

"I could do it, if I get involved and help out. Think about it - if I help Jackie with the invitations I can have a say in how they get handed out, and how many we print, even."

"You'd do that, even after everything you said about your dad?" Nora could hardly believe it. And she knew who to blame. James would never be going back on his word, if not for Jackie. "They'll never let you forget that!"

"I don't care what they say, if I can contain the party to a reasonable number of people. It would be worth it. Don't you agree?"

They had stopped outside Pieper, where the yellow light from the lobby fell out on the sidewalk, and James turned to look in her face. With his eyes on her, Nora hesitated. She couldn't truthfully agree, but neither could she lecture James on her opinions. That would be awful. And maybe she was wrong - maybe she was just being uptight and pessimistic.

"So you don't agree," said James in such a disappointed voice that Nora winced. "But is there anything else I can do that would have any effect whatsoever?"

That question she could honestly answer. "No, I can't think of anything."

"Then I have to do it. I'd rather have your agreement, but I really don't think I have any choice. And of course, it will make Jackie happy. I think it'll make her happy, anyway."

He clearly wanted to be reassured on that point, which was as close as he had come to asking Nora whether Jackie liked him. He better not ask me that, she thought. But there was no point in denying that it would make Jackie happy if he helped her, so Nora told him that was true.

"All right, I'll tell her when I see her at lunch tomorrow. Or maybe I'll even email her tonight. That might be better, so I can avoid making a big deal about it in front of Tim," said James. "I should go - I'm sure you have homework you have to get back to. Thanks for listening, Nora."

"Sure," she said, and even smiled at him. But when she was up in her room, there was no focusing on her history reading. She couldn't stop thinking about it. How could James ignore everything he himself had said about respect for his dad, and keeping his word? As if now it didn't matter, because Jackie needed help with some clip art. Trying to limit the damage was pointless - after he'd just said the word was already out! And what Uncle Bill would say - Nora shuddered. She'd been witness to very few Uncle Bill lectures, but they were family legend. He never gave them unless they were deserved, but when he did they would flay the skin from your bones. The whole Halloween party scheme got worse and worse - it was ruining everything. If it weren't for Lee jumping in and now Jackie -!

It was hard to feel much for her roommate at the moment besides resentment. Fortunately Nora had the excuse of bending over her book, so she didn't have to look at or talk to her. But just as she had reached this point in her thoughts, Jackie gave an excited squeak from her desk. She must have gotten James's email. He certainly didn't waste any time.