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Chapter 13

Posted on 2009-06-10

That weekend everyone gathered at The Sticks in a frenzy of party preparation. Halloween was a week away, on Sunday, and the same weekend was Parents' Weekend, when parents could come to campus and talk with the professors and sit in on classes. Everyone who had a parent coming thus also had to spruce up his or her dorm room, tidy away things like movies and spread the books around so it appeared that the resident had been interrupted in serious study. And all the professors seemed to think it would be a good idea to have tests and papers due, so they would have something to tell the parents about.

"That's so Douglas, still to have parent-teacher conferences," Lee complained.

"As if we're in kindergarten or something," said Megan, chiming in.

Jess ordinarily would have added something too, since it was Lee, but she was still not talking to anyone but Nora and James. Today she was back at Pieper writing a paper. Or claiming to, anyway.

Nora would have been happy to stay at Pieper too, but Jackie and James combined had dragged her along. Jackie she might have been able to resist, but not James. She was currently engaged in folding a stack of napkins while she tried to go over her science notes, which she hoped Uncle Bill would not consider "helping," if he ever knew about it.

"Dad's not coming for Parents' Weekend, is he?" asked Tim, appearing in the kitchen doorway with a beer in one hand, a trash bag in the other, and an expression of horror on his face.

James shook his head. "No, he's got a conference out of state, as you'd know if you ever actually read Dad's emails."

"Are your parents coming?" Lee asked Nora.

"No," she said, without explaining.

"Too busy," said Lee, supplying his own explanation, which was close enough. Too broke would have been closer, but Nora didn't feel it necessary to volunteer that information.

She already knew from Jackie that her dad was coming, and neither Cadwell sibling seemed very happy about it. Nora knew why Jackie hated seeing her dad, but why Lee acted so grudging she didn't know, unless it was just that he was busy with the Halloween scheme.

"I could use some help with this," yelled Cole from the kitchen, where he was unpacking grocery bags full of supplies for his makeshift bar. He was still too young to buy the liquor, of course – Tim and Blake were going to pick that up later in the week, "so we don't drink it all before the party," Blake had said.

No one else moved, so Nora went out to help him.

"There's more in the car," he said as she approached. "It's open."

Nora went out back to the alley behind the house, where Cole's car was parked, and stood in shock. The backseat and the trunk were full – cases of soda, two whole bags of lemons, a bag of limes, a bunch of fresh mint in an expensive-looking plastic package, and a number of ingredients she didn't even recognize. If James had been able to limit the party planning at all, she hated to think what it would have looked like unlimited.

There was no point in worrying about that now. She made herself fill her arms with soda bottles and carry them in to Cole, who was stacking them in a cardboard box in the corner of the kitchen and counting as he went.

"Forty-two. I hope that's enough," he said as Nora handed him the last couple of bottles. "We'll have to get coolers with ice ready on Saturday, of course."

Nora went back out to get the lemons and limes, and when she came back Cole was saying, "I don't think anyone realizes what a big job this is, and they've got two people on decor of all things."

She didn't know whether he had intended to speak to himself or to her, but she agreed with him, and said so.

"At least someone agrees with me," said Cole. "Cadwell doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. Speaking of Cadwell, what do you think of him, Nora?"

Nora guessed her opinion of Lee was at least as bad as Cole's, but she hated to talk about anyone behind his back. "I'm not a huge fan," she said cautiously.

"Me either," said Cole.

Having finished, Nora followed Cole to the door of the kitchen and looked past his shoulder. The living room was nearly empty. Tim, Blake, James, and Jackie had all disappeared at some point. Megan and Lee were nestled snugly in the corner of the largest sofa, apparently looking at a catalogue or magazine of some sort. Their heads were bent together and Lee had his arm around Megan.

Cole turned around. He didn't say anything to Nora, just walked out the back door and down the steps to his car, with what for Cole was a certain pathetic dignity.

Nora hesitated, on the point of saying something to Megan. But what could she say? Megan wasn't that stupid. She knew exactly what she was doing. Nora settled instead for going upstairs to see if she could find Jackie.

Jackie was not hard to find either, and she and James were bent over the computer in James's room almost as closely as Megan and Lee were bent over their magazine.

"I'm going back to Pieper, if no one needs me," Nora said, after waiting a minute to see if they'd look up or notice her presence.

"Hmmm?… okay," said Jackie.

James looked around and grinned at her, which, under the circumstances, wasn't particularly comforting.

When she got back to Pieper, Jessie poked her head out the door of her own room. She must have been listening for footsteps.

"Just you, huh?" she asked, which wasn't very flattering. Nora could hardly blame her either though. "How are the happy crew coming along?"

"You know – busy and stuff."

"Yeah. What about Megan and Lee? Still cozy?"

Nora grimaced for answer. There wasn't much to say.

"I wish Cole would dump her already!" Jess spat. "What is he waiting for?"

There was no answer to that either. Nora had been wondering herself.

Megan and Lee spent all Friday afternoon and half the night decorating the Sticks. Considering the theme was still Naughty and Nice with a heavy emphasis on the "Naughty," Nora didn't bother to go over. She couldn't even imagine what Lee's creativity had done with the decorations. She didn't want to imagine, actually.

Saturday no one came to lunch, and it looked as if Nora was going to have to endure the shame of sitting alone. She wished she'd brought a book in, so at least she could pretend she had done it on purpose in order to study. But when she was halfway through her sandwich and beginning to consider smuggling the rest of it out just so she wouldn't have to sit there looking at the wall any longer, James walked in.

"How's the party prep going?" asked Nora, which had become the only polite greeting in their group for the past two weeks.

"My part's all done, and Megan and Lee aren't letting anyone in until tomorrow. I've seen the outside though, and – well, I guess they've done a good job. They did what they set out to do, anyway. It looks – it looks indecent. I guess I'm being a prude, huh?"

"James –"

"Jackie wants me to dress up, which I'd never really thought about when I got into this. That's probably really stupid of me too. I don't know – she says all I need to do is wear a loud jacket or something, but –" he broke off.

Nora felt all the regret and pain he must be feeling. She wanted to reach out and give his hand a friendly squeeze – it wouldn't mean anything, just a show of sympathy from a friend – but she couldn't make herself do it.

Jess slid into the chair next to James, already munching on a bowl of cheerios.

"Hey," she greeted them, with more animation in her eyes than Nora had seen since the fall break trip. "Guess who's here?"

They stared at her, bewildered.

"Dad. Mr. Bill Bayfield himself." She paused to enjoy their expressions. "Yeah, his conference got cancelled, so he decided to come up for Parents' Weekend after all. He stopped by Pieper first, but I was the only one there. So where's he going next? Well, he saw flyers for a Halloween party plastered all over the dorm. So – that's right, big brother. He's headed for the Sticks. Perfect timing, now that it's all decorated."

James stood up so fast he knocked his chair into the girl sitting at the table behind them. "I'd better go. I have to warn him – it'll be ten times worse if he sees that unprepared."

"Too late – you're not going to catch him," crowed Jess, but he was already gone.

Nora stared at Jess. They were all going to get it, even James with all his good intentions. Maybe James most of all. She thought of the decorations, the flyers, the liquor, the coolers of beer all ready. She didn't know Uncle Bill very well, but there was no way that was going over well.

"I know what you're thinking," said Jess, digging into her cheerios. "I owe Lee Cadwell a big one for being such a jerk. At least now I can say I was never involved."

Nora hadn't been thinking that, but if there was any silver lining to this mess, it might be that at least Jess was putting Lee behind her. She could only applaud that.

After lunch she and Jess both went back to Pieper, ostensibly to do homework but actually to sit waiting, dreading the eventual explosion, and wondering what on earth was going on over at the Sticks.

Eventually, late in the afternoon, Megan came back followed by Jackie.

"… Stupid. What a waste," Megan was snarling as they walked down the hall.

"So what's going on?" Jess poked her head around the door.

"Dad's ruined everything. It's all off. We can't have a party, not even just for our own small group. He even threatened to confiscate all the beer. It's impossible to enforce a no-alcohol rule, of course, when Tim and Blake are old enough to buy their own. I hope Dad's smart enough to realize that."

"Was he pretty mad at Blake?" Jess asked.

"Blake? Who cares about Blake? Actually I think James is going to get it worst. I can't say a lot now though. They're waiting for us down in the lobby. Dad's taking us all out for dinner, for family solidarity or something. He wants you to come too," she added to Nora.

"Really?"

"Don't act so surprised, Miss Precious, you're the only one on his good side right now." Megan disappeared into her own room, slamming the door.

Nora looked at Jackie, who had been uncharacteristically quiet so far.

"I'm staying out of this," Jackie said. She had an odd look on her face. "I'm not a Bayfield. Anyway, I have to go out for dinner myself, with my dad and Lee. Lucky me."

That wasn't very enlightening. Not that Jackie usually was enlightening at all. Nora changed into clean khaki trousers and her nicest blouse and sweater, wishing she knew where Uncle Bill was taking them. It couldn't be too formal, though. Douglas was a small town and there were only a handful of decent restaurants.

When she got down to the lobby, she was relieved to see that she wasn't late – or at least, Jess and Megan were predictably taking longer to get dressed than she had. On the other hand, that meant she had to face Uncle Bill with just James and Tim for backup, and Tim was at the moment chatting up the RA on duty. Uncle Bill didn't look too upset, although that didn't mean anything.

"Nora," he said, spotting her on the stairs. He held out his hand and Nora shook it apprehensively. "I hear my kids have been very creatively entertaining themselves for the past few weeks. You weren't interested? Or maybe you had too much homework?"

Nora was absolutely speechless. How did you answer that without sounding like either a hypocrite or a snob? She shot a look at James, who jumped in for her.

"Dad, Nora was the only one who stood by you. You don't have to look embarrassed, Nora. I heard you say you knew Dad wouldn't like it."

She looked down, willing her eyes not to tear up.

"Is that so, Nora?" said Uncle Bill. The trouble with him was, you could never tell whether he was quietly pleased or quietly furious, he said everything in such an even tone.

"Yes," she whispered. "But I don't really care for parties, either, so that made it easier."

Uncle Bill burst out laughing. "Okay, Nora. I'll take that with the best possible interpretation. You don't care for parties, but you also knew I wouldn't like it. I appreciate your honesty."

He paused, but Nora didn't say anything, so he went on, "I talked to a few of your professors today, too – I hope you don't mind. I'm not your parent, but in the capacity of your sponsor, so to speak, I was able to get a few interviews."

"Oh no, that's fine," Nora said, still unable to meet his eyes.

"They said some pretty nice things about you, if you want to hear them."

She managed a smile. "Sure."

"Peter – Dr. Janssen – is especially keen on you. He's an old friend of mine, so maybe he was just trying to flatter me. But he says you're very sharp, have the makings of a good writer, and a lot of insight into human nature. Wishes you'd talk in class a bit more, but when you do talk it's always to the purpose, he said."

At that Nora did have to brush at her eyes a bit. "Wow… um, thanks."

"Hey, I didn't say it. James says you've been looking for a job for Christmas break."

"Yes, I haven't found anything so far," Nora said. "But I'd like to earn enough to maybe pay for my own books next semester."

"You know you don't have to do that. But I like that initiative. I've been thinking I might offer you a job at my company over Christmas. We can see how you do, and maybe I could find something for you next summer too."

"Oh, Uncle Bill, thank you –"

"Just office work, you understand. Nothing glamorous. Okay?"

She nodded.

"We can talk more when I see you at Thanksgiving, and I can run it by your parents as well."

Megan and Jess came down, looking sullen and smug, respectively, under their identical eyeshadow. Uncle Bill turned to call Tim. As they left Nora caught James's eye again, and he winked at her, which nearly made all the embarrassment worth it.

Chapter 14

Posted on 2009-06-16

"Uncle Bill didn't seem too angry last night," Nora ventured to ask James the next morning as they walked back from church. Jackie had taken to going with them most Sundays, and sometimes Jess, but this morning Jess had not appeared, and Jackie had merely growled and buried her head in her pillow when spoken to; so it was just the two of them.

"That just shows you don't know Dad. He was as furious as I've ever seen him when I caught up with him yesterday at the Sticks. He just knows when to show it. And of course he wasn't mad at you."

"It doesn't seem right that he's mad at everyone else but me."

"Why not? Everyone else deserves it but you."

"At least you tried –"

James grimaced and shook his head, cutting her off. "No, please don't even say that. I can see how stupid I was, now. I didn't do any good and I got myself involved in something I should have known better than to touch. It hurts to own up, Nora, but I already said this to my dad, which was worse. So I might as well tell you."

"Oh James, I'm sorry."

"Like I said, don't be. Let's go back to you. I think you should talk to Dad more. He really likes you."

"I don't know what to say to him."

"It doesn't matter. He's just like a professor – he loves it when you show interest. Like last night, when you asked him about the company's charity efforts. He was eating that up – you should have kept going."

"Ugh, James, I sounded like a show-off."

"I'm not saying you should fake it or try and kiss up or something. I'm just saying you don't have to be so quiet. You're one of the family, you know?"

Nora didn't know, actually. Of course she was one of the family, in the sense that they were related, by marriage anyway; but she didn't feel like a Bayfield, even if she was living off Bayfield money and expected to join in the Bayfield employment at Christmas time.

When they got to the cafeteria for lunch they found a subdued-looking group at a table – everyone was there, including the two Cadwells, Cole, and Jim Blake.

"So you're saying we're not doing anything tonight?" Lee was asking Tim.

"No. Dad made that pretty clear."

"But if he doesn't know – " began Megan.

"He threatened to throw us out," said Tim. "Or worse, inform on us to the college for serving alcohol to minors, if he heard even a rumor about any party at the Sticks. Does that satisfy you?"

"Does that mean we're not allowed to hang out there anymore?"

"Don't be stupid, Megan," said Tim.

"Actually, Dad said he'd give us another chance to show that we respected his wishes," said James, sitting down, "but that he'd give us an occupancy limit if he felt he had to. We all promised to be grown ups about it."

"Which means no more fun," growled Tim.

"What it means, Tim, is that we have to stick to what we knew Dad was asking all along," corrected James.

Tim sighed heavily.

"Well, I'm not letting my costume go to waste," said Megan. "A girl only gets so many chances to wear fishnet stockings. Cole and I are going to cruise the Greek houses tonight if anyone wants to come with us."

Cole looked mildly surprised to hear his own name mentioned, but Nora might have been the only one to notice that. Or perhaps not.

Lee said, "No thanks," with such an odd twist to his smile that she couldn't help but wonder. A shift had taken place, somehow, somewhere, and she didn't see how it had been communicated. But it had.

The shift in relationships lasted past that weekend, too. It extended into November, as the weeks rushed faster and faster toward Thanksgiving and finals and semester's end. Cole and Megan absented themselves from the group more and more, and one day Jessie started sitting with the volleyball team at dinners. Nora couldn't say she was sorry. Lee was still hanging around, but he was a lot more tolerable without Jess and Megan there to squabble over him.

"Halloween changed it all," Jackie mourned one evening to Nora as they sat cozily curled up reading on their beds. "Remember what it was like just a few weeks ago?"

Nora remembered, not with any particular pleasure. A lot of inappropriate behavior and hurt feelings, was what she remembered.

"We were all so alive – there was something to be interested in at any given moment, there were debates. Our lunch table in the cafeteria was so full we had to pull up extra chairs every day! Remember, Nora?" She gave a bounce on her bed, and a huff. "Now look at us! Just you and me and James, and sometimes Lee, all staring at each other and talking about homework. God!"

"I don't know – quiet doesn't really bother me," said Nora.

"I'm not sure if I can ever forgive Mr. Bill Bayfield."

"Well, it is his house."

"Yeah, yeah." Jackie waved that off. "I know. He has a right to make the rules, blah blah blah. I've already heard it all from Mr. James the teacher. I'm not arguing that. I'm just saying, I'm so freaking bored, Nora. I can only focus on the history of the Counter Reformation so long. I can't wait for this semester to be over. Except then I'll have to go home and amuse myself watching Christmas specials while Lee and Dad talk about cigars and picking up women."

"I've liked it here a lot better than I expected I would," Nora offered. She wasn't going to touch that bit about Lee. "It took a while, though – the first few weeks I didn't feel like I'd ever fit in here."

"Yeah, maybe I should try the Socrates Society too."

"I'm sure you'd be welcome to come with us anytime," Nora said after only a slight pause, feeling horrible for hesitating at all. Of course Jackie would be great at Socrates Society, and there was no reason for Nora to feel jealous at the thought.

"I don't really think that's for me. Thanks, though. I do need something to get interested in. Maybe I'll try out for a play next semester."

"You should do that," Nora encouraged, trying to make up for her previous hesitation. "I think they're doing a musical. You sing, right?"

"Yes." Jackie looked brighter. "I guess maybe I just have mid-semester blues. It hasn't been so bad, really. We have friends, we know people, classes aren't going so badly. It's only the first semester of our whole college career, right?"

"That's right," said Nora, thinking about it herself. "A lot can change. We haven't even figured out our majors yet."

"A lot can change," repeated Jackie musingly. "Yeah. Who wants to be Megan Bayfield, after all?"

Nora frowned. She didn't see where Megan came in. Jackie had never been interested in Cole, as far as she knew. She must have meant in a general sense, but even so, Nora couldn't see much to envy Megan about.

"I need to get out and stretch my legs for a few minutes," Jackie said after a few minutes' silence. "I need to clear my head. Do you want to walk around the block with me?"

"Okay," said Nora, surprised, but reaching for her shoes. She put on a coat over her pajamas and followed Jackie out.

"Oh, look at the stars," she cried, as they walked past the lights of Pieper into the dark stretch of sidewalk that ran past the Arboretum. "That really puts it all into perspective, doesn't it? I could just stand and look up for hours, looking at them in wonder."

"I could stand here and wonder that I'm looking at the stars at all," replied Jackie. "Come on. It's too cold to star-gaze."

They walked on briskly, almost to the gate of the arboretum, turning past the Kappa sorority house and one of the upper class women's dorms.

"Are you going to rush?" Jackie asked, as if the sorority house had reminded her about the possibility of going Greek next semester. The sorority rush was held immediately after Christmas break before classes started for the spring semester.

If Nora had had any interest at all in joining a sorority, which she didn't, she wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway. Dues alone were beyond her, let alone pins and formal dresses and everything else that went with it. But she didn't say that. Uncle Bill had given her another excuse.

"No, I think I'm going to be working. I wasn't that interested anyway. Are you?"

"I was going to, but now I don't know. Independence is growing on me," said Jackie. "I don't know that I could stand having to do the kiss-kiss routine with a lot of girls I don't really like."

"I thought you wanted to have more friends to hang out with…?" Nora trailed off, making it a question.

"What made you think I just want girl friends?" Jackie said, and laughed. "I don't get along that well with girls. I used to have some girls I thought I was pretty close to, in high school, but I don't know. I think it was all fake, even then."

"Do you –" began Nora.

"What?"

"If you don't want to rush or anything, I just thought – Well, do you want to room with me again next semester? We haven't talked about it, but we have to turn in room requests next week and –"

Jackie paused for a minute. "Sure, yes – I never thought about it. I guess I assumed we would. If you want to put up with me, that is." She laughed again.

"You're a good roommate, Jackie," Nora reassured her. "I don't get to know new people that easily, so I'd really like to stay with you if you didn't have something else in mind. If you did, that's fine. You don't have to say yes if you don't want to, it's not a big deal or anything –"

"Nora?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up." Jackie squeezed her shoulder and shook her a little, and Nora smiled back.

From: Bayfield, Jessica [jkbayfield@douglas.edu]
To: Worth, Nora [nworth@douglas.edu]
Subject: You're not going to believe this!

Hey Nora,

How's the break going for you? Did you get a lot of homework? I can't believe how the professors pile it on over break! I mean, what do they think we do all break? Sit and write? Have they ever heard of THANKSGIVING DINNER? And/or FAMILY GATHERINGS? We have so many people coming over to our house Thursday I'll be lucky if I can even remember the names of my cousins, let alone analyze word play in Hamlet. GOD, Nora, I'll end up writing gibberish.

Um, so anyway, I have news, and I'm warning you now so you don't like faint or something when you come over on Thursday for dinner. Honestly, I might as well tell you I thought Cole was going to dump Megs after that party deal. I wouldn't be surprised if you thought the same. Yeah, no. Nope! They're still together, and get this. He gave her a PROMISE RING. I am totally 100% serious. I thought my dad would flip out, too, but it seems he knew Cole's dad from business or something, going way back.

Yeah, so I'm warning you now. You have to admire her ring when you come over for dinner. She keeps telling us it's not like they're engaged, but hello? Promise ring? What are you promising, then? Sometimes I wonder about my sister, Nora.

Um, mom says to say hi to your parents.

See you Thursday,

Jess

From: Bayfield, Megan [mbayfield@douglas.edu]
To: Worth, Nora [nworth@douglas.edu]
Subject: BIG favor

Hi Nora,

I have a HUGE favor to ask you! I have an English paper for Townsend due MONDAY after we get back. (Seriously – Daddy thinks it's funny! I can't believe him.) Will you read it over for me and make suggestions like you always do? I asked Dad to read it for me and he wouldn't, so you are my last hope. If you do it right away, you could print it out and give it back to me when you come over on Thursday, so I'm attaching it.

THANKS!!!!!

Megan

PS I have some news for you! I'll tell you on Thursday!!

[attachment: Townsend_stupidcrappypaper.doc]

From: Worth, Nora [nworth@douglas.edu]
To: Bayfield, Jessica [jkbayfield@douglas.edu]
Subject: RE: You're not going to believe this!

Jess,

Thanks for writing! I can't believe your news! Or that your dad is okay with it – I mean, I'm sure he has good reasons and everything, I'm not saying he's wrong. I just would have guessed differently. Oh and thanks for warning me – you're right, I probably would have passed out or something. Or laughed at her, and that would probably be worse.

I guess if Megan knows what she really wants, that's good. We're really young to be thinking about marriage and stuff, but people used to get married when they were younger than we are.

Megan emailed right after you did, and said she has news, so I think she wants to surprise me. I'll act really shocked, but in a good way. I won't give you away. :-)

I got a lot of homework too. I guess I'm just glad I don't have a paper for Janssen until after we get back.

I'll see you tomorrow! My mom says to tell Aunt Elle she doesn't know if she's going to get the sweet potatoes done. Tell her we're really sorry about that, too.

Thanks again for emailing me!

Nora

From: Worth, Nora [nworth@douglas.edu]
To: Bayfield, Megan [mbayfield@douglas.edu]
Subject: RE: BIG favor

Megan,

I'll bring your paper tomorrow. I'm really curious about your news, too!

Nora

From: Bill Bayfield [bill@bayfield-consulting.com]
To: Worth, Nora [nworth@douglas.edu]
Subject: Working for me over Christmas break

Hello Nora,

I wanted to let you know that, as per our discussion, I'll be giving your parents a call to discuss the employment opportunity with my company.

Also, I should reiterate that this is not a glamorous job by any means. I'm offering you what amounts to an office assistant spot. It may involve a lot of boring work, filing, making phone calls, etc. However, working for Bayfield Consulting will be a great experience for you and something to put on your resume. I think you're smart enough to appreciate that. If Peter Janssen approves of you, it must be true.

I'm suggesting to your parents that you come up the week after Christmas. You can spend New Years' with our family and start work immediately Jan. 4. Your father should be able to give you a ride; if not, I'll have someone pick you up. But I'll discuss all this over the phone – you don't need to worry about it.

Please let me know if you have any more questions about the job. Thank you again for your willingness to work. Your Aunt Elle is looking forward to having you in the house, as well.

Yours,

Uncle Bill

Chapter 15

Posted on 2009-06-23

Two more weeks of classes, and then finals, and the semester would be over.

Nora was just happy to have the roommate question settled for good. She'd been really worried that Jackie would want to switch and then she'd have to get used to someone new, who might very well have unpleasant roommate characteristics like leaving the light on or locking her out.

They'd pre-registered for next semester's classes, too; and despite being burdened with a name beginning in W, which meant she had to go nearly last, Nora had managed to line up a fairly decent selection. No Dr. Weston, but she hadn't really expected that. Mostly they were standard requirements, the second semester continuations of Literature and History, and another science, alas.

However, that was another thing off her mind, and despite the rather chaotic vacation week, she felt pretty confident about preparing for finals.

"What do you think about Cole and Megan?" Nora ventured to ask James, on the way to the Socrates Society meeting Tuesday.

James sighed. "I don't know what to think, honestly, Nora. It seems a little sudden to me, but what do I know? I haven't been around them for the last few weeks."

"They've only known each other for a few months," Nora pointed out.

"I know, and I don't think this semester has been the best environment for getting to know each other, although maybe they've been tested and they know what they want now."

Nora thought he was giving them a little too much benefit of the doubt. It wasn't that she wanted to be judgmental, but you could go too far with the sympathy and tolerance, too.

"You don't think, after all that Halloween party business with Lee –"

"Oh, I'm not going to judge anything by the Halloween party. I think I'd rather believe we were all temporarily insane. No one was doing the right thing, except you of course. You can't make that the basis for deciding on anything, it was too far off course."

"Lee and Megan seemed awfully close during all that planning, though," Nora tried again.

"Maybe. I thought Lee was more interested in Jess. Either way, Megan and Cole seem to have pulled together through whatever happened. I will give her this, she really stuck to her guns over this ring business. Dad had a serious talk with her over break. I don't know what he said, of course, but they were talking in his study for hours. I know he thought she was too young for that kind of commitment. But she must have changed his mind, somehow, because he let her keep the ring, although they're not calling it an engagement ring. We all know what it means, though."

"So they're really going to get married?"

"I guess that's Cole's plan. It would be years in the future, of course."

Tonight's meeting was on ethics in technology. Nora had thought the topic would be interesting to James, but everyone seemed a little lethargic. There was too much agreement, and no one was inclined to say anything too provoking. Despite several attempts by Alex to get a serious debate burning, the meeting fizzled out in jokes and laughter.

"I can't wait for Christmas, so I can actually do some pleasure reading," said Beth to Nora as the group broke up. "I promised myself a reread of Sense and Sensibility as a reward, if I make it through finals."

"I don't even know if I'll be able to read for pleasure anymore," Nora groaned. "I feel like I could sleep for a week already, and it's still two weeks till finals."

"I was wondering," Beth said. "Would you consider rooming with me next semester, Nora? My current roommate is transferring out and I've been wanting to get to know you a little better as a friend. I'm in Gordon right now."

Nora could hardly believe it – this would have to happen right after she'd settled with Jackie. "Oh, Beth –" she said, "I'm flattered and I'd really love to, but I kind of already committed to stay with my own roommate for at least one more semester. I'm really sorry. Oh, I wish I could say yes!"

"Hey, that's all right. I knew it was a long shot, especially switching mid-year."

"I'm really sorry," Nora said again, trying not to cry.

Beth touched her arm, just a light, almost a shy brush. "Don't get upset, now. I'm sorry too, but honestly it's not the end of the world. I'd still like to get to know you better, okay?"

"Sure," Nora said, and then added to make it clear, "I'd like that too."

"I might get some girls together for a movie night during finals – it's kind of a tradition we have. You can come if you want – yeah? I'll email you and let you know when."

It was too bad, Nora thought later, that the pleasure of such an offer was almost outweighed by her regret at not being able to room with Beth. She was still wishing she hadn't had to say no – it was so seldom that people asked her to do things for them, and now she'd had two in a row wanting to be her roommate.

Finals were not nearly as horrible as Nora had expected. There was no denying that exams were difficult, but she had a lot of time to study with no classes. And there was a sort of irresistible charming craziness to finals week that made her feel like anything could happen, and it would probably be amusing when it did. The cafeteria had late-night treats every day of finals. People formed study groups in empty classrooms and any available nook in the library, and when they needed a break there were silly cartoons playing in the student union and impromptu games of Uno in the snack bar. Nora finished her religion exam for Dr. Weston on Monday afternoon and rewarded herself by going down to the second basement level of the library where they kept a small section of children's books, and indulging in several chapters of Anne of Green Gables.

And then on Tuesday of finals week it snowed. It started in the morning and by nine o'clock that night there were nearly six inches on the ground.

"There's a snowball fight going on up on the quad," said Jessie, crashing into Nora and Jackie's room, her hair encrusted with ice pellets and her nose red with cold.

"Ew, you're melting on our carpet," complained Jackie.

"C'mon, you have to come outside! It's gorgeous."

"I've got Janssen tomorrow," objected Nora.

"I'm not going out there," said Jackie. "I just did laundry."

"Please," begged Jess. "It's guys against girls. You have to help. Don't let us down."

"Go find Blake and roll in the snow or something," said Jackie.

It may have been this remark that made up Nora's mind. "I'll go," she said. "Just let me get my coat on." She put on coat and scarf and hat and mittens, thankful that her mom had insisted on finding her old winter things while she was home. They were rather dingy-looking, but it would be dark outside so that didn't matter too much.

It was dark, but there was a half moon and the snow reflected everything. Jess had been right, it was beautiful. There were Currier-and-Ives-like snow caps on every bush and tree, and even the tracks of footsteps through the drifts looked romantic outlined in deep indigo shadows.

Jess bent down right away and started scooping up snow. "You'd better arm yourself, Nora – I'm telling you this snowball fight is serious."

Nora laughed, almost nervous, and made herself some snowballs. She put two in her coat pockets – it was so frigid that even her body heat wasn't likely to melt them. Her nose hurt from breathing, it was so cold. She and Jess sneaked up the hill to the quad by a roundabout path, skirting the library and climbing the back stairs by the little back door to the library archives.

A group of guys ran past as they crouched behind a brick wall, and Jess attacked. She had a ferocious throwing arm, and she shrieked as she threw, for added effect. Nora joined in gamely. She couldn't throw at all, but there were so many dark figures darting around on the white-covered quad that she couldn't help but hit at least a few of them.

She and Jess had made their way across to a bench on the side facing the library, which they were using as a fortress, when Nora was hit from behind by an enormous snowball.

She yelped, as it had really hurt hitting her in the back of the head, and someone said, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit you that hard – are you okay?"

It was James, of course. No one else would have been that apologetic.

"I'm fine, you just startled me," said Nora, trying to brush the ice off her head. It was trickling down the back of her collar.

"Here." James grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled off his glove, sticking it under his arm. She felt his fingers comb through her hair, brushing off the ice. "I really got you, didn't I? Sorry about that."

"No, it's okay –"

"This is great, huh? What a beautiful night."

"I know," she said. "I can't even think about the fact that I have an exam for Janssen tomorrow. I'd like to just lie on my back and look at the stars."

"I just got the snow off you, and now you want to lie in it," James laughed.

"Well that's different. You know, like snow angels. I haven't made a snow angel in ages."

"Let's go make some," said James, and grabbed her hand. He'd put his glove back on, and Nora's mittens were thick, but her heart still stopped for a minute at the contact.

"I don't know if I should – aren't you the enemy?" she tried to say lightly. But as she spoke James turned his head. A figure ran past them, shrieking, a bright red scarf whipping behind her. Nora didn't have to see her face – it was Jackie. She was supposed to be back at Pieper. How had she known? Did she have a sixth sense for divining James's presence?

"I'll be back in a minute," said James, and took off after her.

He wouldn't, Nora knew.

She found Jessie and tugged on her jacket sleeve. "Jess, I'm going back. I can't stay – I really have to get ready for Janssen."

"Spoil sport," said Jess, but only half-heartedly.

Nora stopped on the way back to Pieper to make some snow angels in a smooth bank, but it wasn't particularly satisfying.

From: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]br /> To: Cadwell, Jacqueline [jcadwell@douglas.edu]
Subject: Merry Christmas!

Jackie,

Hi, I hope you're having a good vacation so far. Are you watching Christmas specials, like you expected? Maybe you'll get to see some old friends or something. Well, I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you.

Merry Christmas!

Nora

From Bayfield, James [jmbayfield@douglas.edu]
To: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]
Subject: Details for tomorrow

Hi Nora,

I'll be at your house tomorrow by noon to pick you up. Looking forward to seeing you. Have you heard from Jackie at all? Never mind, we'll talk tomorrow.

James

From: Cadwell, Jacqueline [jcadwell@douglas.edu]
To: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]
Subject: RE: Merry Christmas!

God, Nora, I think if I see "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" one more time, I'll scream. Going out tonight with Laurie, tho. I knew her from high school. Can't stand her, but she knows someone who can get us in. Lee might go too. I can't wait to get back to school. Home sucks.

Thanks for writing, tho.

J

PS Tell James I say hi.

From: Ruthie [roo-girl@hotmail.com]
To: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]
Subject: How's work?

Hiiiiii sis!!!!

So do you like work? Is Uncle Bill a good boss?

We miss you. I don't mind having my room to myself to practice in though. I HAVE to keep first chair clarinet next year!!! We go back to school next week. It stinks!!! I wish we got as much time off as you!!!!!

LOVE,

Ruthie *KISS*

From: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]
To: Cadwell, Jacqueline [cadwell@douglas.edu]br /> Subject: RE: Merry Christmas!

Jackie,

Did you have fun on your night out? I'm sorry it's been so boring for you so far. This may be a really stupid suggestion, but maybe you should get a job. It's good to have experience and it does make the time go faster. I'm not doing anything too exciting, but I'm really grateful to have it. I'd probably be bored at home too.

Do you want to get anything else for our room? I was going to get another shelf for storage maybe.

Nora

From: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]
To: Ruthie [roo-girl@hotmail.com]
Subject: RE: How's work?

Ruthie! Hi!

Work is fine. It's not terribly exciting or anything, but it's not like I'd get another opportunity for office experience. I mostly help file papers or call Uncle Bill's clients to set up meetings and things. I don't actually like making phone calls, but I guess it's not so bad if you get used to it. I work with Uncle Bill's secretary so I don't really see him a lot. He's nice when he's in the office, though.

At home I help Aunt Elle too. Yesterday we sorted through all her photos. She wants to make a scrapbook, although I don't know if she'll ever get around to it.

I wish I'd brought more books. Uncle Bill has a ton of books in his study at home, but he certainly doesn't have any Lucy Maud Montgomery. :-P

So you see, it's not so great having a long vacation after all. I'm looking forward to going back to school. I tell you what, Ruth, just get through high school. College isn't so bad. And you'll have it easier than I do, because you have talent. I'm so proud of you getting first chair already!

Love,

Nora

From: Chris Worth [woodshop-worth@yahoo.com]
To: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]
Subject: Siblings weekend

Hey short stuff,

Whats up? I wanted to ask you about that sibling weekend thing at your college you mentioned. Id like to come up if you still want me to. I may not ever go to college so it would be kinda cool to see what its like, ya know? I might be buying a used car anyway, so I dont have to ask dad to take me. So tell me when it is and all the details, ok?

Chris

From: Cadwell, Jacqueline [jcadwell@douglas.edu]
To: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]
Subject: RE: Merry Christmas!

Ugh. I hate vacation, it sucks so bad. May have to take your advice for summer. Not sure I could stand three months of this!

So did James say anything about my email? I haven't heard back from him yet. I probably made him mad. Still don't get why he can't do something interesting with his life – it's not like he doesn't have ability. He's so smart. So stupid. ARGH.

No ideas on our room. Maybe a mini fridge, but we can always mooch off Jess and Megan's so that's kind of pointless.

J

From: Worth, Nora [worth@douglas.edu]
To: Chris Worth [woodshop-worth@yahoo.com]
Subject: RE: Siblings weekend

Chris,

I'm so happy you want to come for Siblings Weekend! We'll have so much fun! Oh, I'm so excited! There's even a dance that weekend. I know, it'll probably be stupid, but maybe not quite as stupid as high school dances.

I didn't know you were going to get a car! Do you have one picked out? Did you get a job for next semester or something? You have to tell me everything!

Oh, I haven't even told you the details yet! It's the third weekend in February. You can stay at the Sticks. That's James and Tim's house. I already asked James about it and he said it would be fine. Um... I can't think of anything else you need to know. You could probably come Friday after classes.

I can't wait!

Love,
Nora

Posted on 2009-06-30

On a Sunday afternoon in January, James drove Nora back to campus. Jessie and Megan had gone back early for sorority rush, and Tim was of course driving himself.

Nora had been almost nervous at the idea of four hours alone in the car with James, which was silly. She ought to relish the chance to have a little conversation with a friend, and James was just about her closest friend. She should be grateful.

James didn't seem to be bothered by any uneasiness about being alone with her.

"What classes do you have coming up? Any with Weston?" he asked.

"No, there was only one I could have taken, and it was filled by the time I got to register. You're lucky, with a name beginning with B you always get to go first. I've always been last."

"Don't worry about it. You've still got plenty of time. And next semester they'll reverse the alphabet order, so you'll be just about at the front of the line. You might as well get required classes out of the way, anyway. Did you talk to your advisor?"

"Yes, Dr. Harris. She's not that helpful – she just signs my card, she doesn't tell me much. I mean, I know she's probably really busy and all, and there's not a lot to decide yet. I've just got all the regular second semester stuff, Lit, history, science, and I'm taking Spanish now too."

"Who do you have? Did you stick with the same professors?"

"Yes, even Dr. Janssen."

"Wow, brave."

"I know, but Uncle Bill says he likes me, and I don't know – I kind of got used to his style, I guess. It's like Weston. You just have to realize he's challenging you."

"I guess you've got a handle on it. I don't know anyone else who's ever gotten an A from him."

Nora smiled with pleasure. "A minus," she corrected. James could always be counted on for a satisfactory reaction to anything. He always acted so interested, though he couldn't possibly be, not in her boring freshman classes. And he never stinted with praise.

"He didn't give you that grade because he likes you, or because he's friends with Dad, either," James continued. "There are plenty of other people with connections, but Janssen just doesn't give As to freshmen, not even A minuses. Even Dad was surprised, so you should be really proud."

Nora smiled again. "I better have earned it, because I worked harder for it than any other class. I was thinking about maybe majoring in English. I know it's sort of a useless major –"

"Hey, you're talking to the wrong person about useless majors, remember? History and religion? English is a lot more useful than that. Do you think you'd like to go on to graduate school?"

"Maybe – that still seems a long way off. I was thinking about minoring or maybe double-majoring in religion too. Literature and religion just seem to go together for me. It was that very first discussion at Socrates Society that got me started thinking about that combination, and I can't get it out of my head –"

"Nora! That's brilliant! You should talk to some of the professors about doing an interdisciplinary project or something, using both. I don't know why I never thought about that before, but it's perfect for you."

"Do you really think so?" she asked, blinking to dissipate the tears conjured by his enthusiasm. "I don't know how I'd ever get a job, writing about religion, or reading books about religion, or –"

"Maybe worshiping books?" suggested James.

Nora started laughing. "That doesn't sound so bad. If only someone would pay me to do it."

"Just start your own religion. All you need is a website, then you sit back and wait for the money to pour in."

"Oh, really?"

"That's what I've heard, anyway."

It was stupid, but she couldn't stop giggling. James looked over and grinned at her. As he turned back to the road Nora studied his profile for a minute: straight nose, a little long; strong chin, nicely cut mouth with turned-in corners. And his eyes, grey and clear, which for some reason always made her want to cry just because they were so beautiful. She wished again, for the thousandth time at least, that she could be like Jackie. Not that she really wanted to be Jackie herself, with a philandering dad and a brother nearly as bad. But if she could have a fraction of Jackie's wit and charm and prettiness – or if she could have Jessie's great body, or Megan's gorgeous face. Whatever it was that made a guy notice a girl – she didn't have it.

I was probably doomed from the start, she thought. The shy little cousin, always needing to be rescued. There's no way James would ever have seen me as an equal.

Chapter 17

Posted on 2009-07-15

Pieper was looking almost homey in the dusk as they drove up. The evening after a break when everyone was arriving back, the dorm had an especially lively atmosphere. People were dragging in suitcases and then dropping them to greet each other, and there were whole hoards lounging around in the lobby playing cards and watching cartoons, trying to prolong the feeling of vacation.

Nora shook off the pensive mood that had kept her silent for the last few miles. It was good to be back, after all.

When she and James hauled her duffle bag and various crates of indispensable items up to her room, Jackie was already there, and the door was open in Megan and Jessie's room too. Jackie was shouting across to them over the sound of their music, which they had turned up to blasting level.

Since visiting hours were still on, James came in to say hi to his sisters – or to say hi to Jackie, as Nora suspected. He didn't stay long, though, since he still had to go back and unpack himself.

"So we're all here, back again in this hole," Megan groaned from her room after he'd gone.

"Hole? Don't you mean 'Cole'?" said Jess snidely, and swung out into the hall before Megan had a chance to retort. She winked at Nora and Jackie as she passed their door.

"Where's she going?" Jackie wondered.

Megan came around the door next. "She's all wound up because she's expecting someone. So immature. I don't know why it somehow makes her feel special to make comments about my relationship, but it does."

"Oh, is he coming over here?" Jackie asked, smirking.

"Apparently, although I don't see why it's such a big deal. They were emailing all break."

Nora wondered why she never seemed to find out about things the same way other people did. Were there secret signals she was missing or something? She waited, hoping someone would give her a clue before she had to break down and ask, and look like an idiot.

"I really didn't think she was that into him, last semester" Jackie commented. But before Nora could figure out who on earth had been around last semester that Jess could have been said to be into or not into, Jackie changed the subject.

"So how about rush? You haven't said how it went, yet."

"Now you want to know. I still can't believe you didn't rush, Jackie. And you're a legacy!"

Nora must have been looking lost despite all her best efforts, because Jackie paused to explain for her.

"My mom was a Kappa, Megan means. So I would have gotten an offer from the Kappas without a doubt. Not that it's anyone's business."

"Well, sorry, but I think it's a shame not to honor the legacy."

"Oh God, Megan, that's exactly why! If I do anything it will be for me, not my mom. I take it you're going Kappa?"

Megan looked torn. For a minute Nora thought she was going to huff off to her room in offended dignity, but she couldn't resist an opportunity to talk about herself. "Yes, I am – well, actually we don't get official bids until tonight. But I liked Kappa the best and I'd be really shocked if they didn't give me a bid. Phi As will probably offer too."

"Only two?" said Jackie with apparently sincere concern.

"You can only accept invitations from two for the dinners," replied Megan seriously.

There was a squeal from the hallway, and they all looked around. Jim Blake was out in the hallway with Jess, giving her something between a hug and a flirty tussle. Oh, so that's what had Jess in a flurry. Not that Nora would have picked Blake as a better alternative to Lee Cadwell, but – at least he wasn't cheating on her, she supposed.

"Oh, for pity's sake," remarked Megan. "PDA much?"

"I'm going out," said Jessie, having partially extricated herself. Blake still had an arm around her.

"Jess!" Megan exclaimed. "Bids are tonight! You can't leave!"

Jess rolled her eyes. "I already know it's Lambda Zs, and they already know I'll say yes. It's not like the entire volleyball team aren't already sisters. It's not a big deal, and you already know exactly who's offering for you too, even if you pretend you don't."

"Well, of course I know who's offering me a bid. I'm not stupid. But I think it shows respect not to take off on your own on bid night."

"Have fun with that!" yelled Jess down the hallway as she left. Nora wasn't actually sure how she could walk, the way she was half entwined around Blake.

"So did that – I mean Jess and Blake – did they just get together over break then?" she asked Megan carefully, trying not to look like she had no idea what was going on.

Megan unbent a little. She always liked being the one with knowledge. "Kind of. Of course, you know Blake's had a thing for her ever since Halloween – before that, actually. I'm sure even you noticed; it was pretty obvious. But Jess wasn't really interested, not until after Thanksgiving. Personally I think she's jealous that I found someone and she didn't."

She didn't look at Jackie as she spoke, and Jackie seemed to be absorbed in checking her email. But after Megan had gone back to her room to await the call of the Kappas, Jackie turned around.

"That's all crap," she burst out. "It probably makes Meggie happy to think people are jealous of her ring, but that's not why Jess is going out with Blake. She just wanted to show Megan she didn't care. You know they're both still in love with my brother, but neither one will admit it . Stupid girls. Honestly, that's exactly why I can't stand to join a sorority. I think I'd want to shoot myself before a week was out."

Nora nodded, but privately she suspected that Megan and Jackie were equally biased. At any rate, it was likely to be in everyone's best interest that they wouldn't be seeing as much of the twins this semester.

"Hey Nora," said Lee Cadwell, slipping into the seat beside her at lunch, the first day of classes. "How's the morning gone for you?"

That being more words together than Lee had ever directed toward her before, Nora stammered as she replied.

"Um, well – fine – busy actually. Last semester I only had one morning class. This time I've got three."

"English, history, and –?" he guessed.

"Literature you got right, but the other two are science and Spanish."

"Oh, who do you have for Spanish? That was my other language, before I switched to French."

"Wilson – she seems nice, and I didn't guess because of her name, but she's a native speaker apparently."

"Oh, fantastic!" exclaimed Lee. "She's not only a native speaker, but she's good at teaching. She might be my favorite language professor – don't tell any of the French profs I said that."

Why on earth she would ever say anything to a French professor on the subject of Lee Cadwell, Nora didn't know. Neither could she figure out what he was up to, unless it was that he was feeling a lack of girls to flirt with, since Megan and Jess had both deserted their table.

"How are your Thursday afternoons looking?" was his next question.

"Um, I don't have anything on Thursday afternoons, if that's what you mean."

He laughed. "Spit it out, Lee – that's what you're thinking, isn't it? Okay, I have a proposition for you."

He paused, but since Nora didn't have anything appropriately coquettish to say, she waited for him to go on.

"I'm taking ballroom dance class on Thursdays at three," he said. "Have to get those phys ed requirements in somehow, you know. But I don't have a partner yet, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to take it with me. It's full, but I can get one more person in, since I have to have someone to dance with. If you want to, you can tell the registrar you have a partner and they'll sign you in."

Nora knew about the phys ed class requirements too, of course, and if given a choice, ballroom dance was exactly what she would have taken for her PE credit. It was a popular class, too – not easy to get in for a freshman whose name began with W. Lee was really offering her a good opportunity.

Except, of course, for the fact that in her fantasies she'd been learning to dance with James.

Still, that was unlikely ever to happen. Maybe she should just go ahead and take it with Lee. He'd probably be a good dancer, at least. Not like trying to dance with Cole. And she wouldn't want to take the class with a stranger either. If Lee wasn't her first choice of dance partners, he would be better than some.

She had hesitated so long that Lee was taking her silence as disapproval.

"If you don't want to take it, that's no big deal," he said. "I can probably find someone. I just thought it would be nice to take the class with someone I know."

"No, I'd really like to take it, actually," she broke in hastily. "Sorry, I was just going over my schedule in my head to make sure I wouldn't be too busy."

"You will?" Lee lit up like she'd granted his dearest wish in the whole world.

"I've been wanting to take ballroom," she admitted, feeling a little better in spite of herself. She didn't think Lee was being sincere, but he was flattering all the same. "Thanks for asking me – I certainly wasn't expecting to get to take it for years yet."

"We're going to have a blast, Nora!" said Lee, and he reached over and squeezed her shoulder.

Oh well, she might as well get used to that too, if they were going to be ballroom dancing together.

The next evening, as Nora was getting ready to meet James for Socrates Society, Jackie put down her book and said, "I'm going to come with you."

"Tonight's the Socrates Society meeting – that's what I'm going to," said Nora.

"Yes, dummy, I know. I want to come with you. James said tonight's topic has something to do with music."

It did – it was whether music has inherent moral qualities, a subject on which Nora knew herself to be ignorant. But she had not minded that until now; she had expected to sit quietly and listen to the others. Beth liked classical music with the same passion she had for Jane Austen, so it was likely to be interesting. But now – she could see Jackie talking about music and her harp, and James listening enraptured. And Jackie impressing everyone else at the Society. Beth being won over and ignoring Nora, Alex inviting her to present at a follow-up meeting.

"What made you decide to come all of a sudden?" she asked Jackie when she could trust herself to speak. "I thought you weren't interested. That's why I was so confused when you asked."

Jackie tossed her hair back with her hands. "I'm really not that interested, to be honest. I know you don't care if I come or not. But I think I'm going to have to start paying attention to James's hobbies, since he won't compromise and come over to my side."

They went down to the lobby, where James was already waiting, and Nora saw with no surprise that his face glowed when he caught sight of Jackie.

"You decided to come along!" he cried.

"Here I am," said Jackie, giving him that wide-eyed blink. "I thought, if I'm ever going to try it, the music night would be the best time."

"Absolutely! This is going to be great – you're going to be able to add so much," James crowed. "Beth's going to love it, isn't she, Nora?"

"Beth likes having an ally," Nora agreed, falling in behind them.

In the end it was not quite as bad as Nora feared, but it was bad enough. Beth didn't ignore her, and Alex didn't ask Jackie to lead the next meeting. But they stopped just short of that. Jackie was at her best; she was bright and quick and she matched Alex with all Beth's usual snap and more. And the worst part was, Nora didn't think she was faking it. She really was that intelligent and witty and full of spirit; and she was getting into the discussion without even meaning to. She hummed bars of music to illustrate her points, and her hands flew into the air as if searching for phantom harp strings.

"You'll come again, won't you, Jackie?" James asked as they walked back in the dark. The snow from before Christmas had gone grey and icy, and the cold had stayed. Nora wished she had worn her hat, even if it did mess up her hair – what did it matter anyway? No one cared, and her ears were cold.

Jackie skipped. "I think I might. I get the attraction now, you know? I thought it was going to be a lot more stodgy."

"That's the stupid name – I keep saying we should change it. It sounds so boring."

"I don't know if I'd be that good at the literature themed meetings. That's more Nora's thing."

"It doesn't matter," James protested. "Most of us don't know much about music either. You certainly showed me how little I know."

"This is really making me miss my harp," said Jackie. "Maybe I'll do orchestra this semester after all. I need to do something with myself – it's going to be so quiet with Megan and Jess never around."

"I hope you do play," Nora said. "I've never heard you after all this time."

"Harps are inconvenient," said Jackie. "You can't haul them around and play for people like you can with a guitar. But you could come over to the music building and listen to me practice sometime."

"When do you practice?" James asked.

She laughed. "Oh, never, so far anyway. But maybe I'll start going over there after dinner."

"Tell me if you do," he said.

"I will," said Jackie, with a definite emphasis.

Chapter 18

Posted on 2009-07-22

Lee had arranged to meet her at his dorm on Thursday afternoon for the ballroom dance class – it was held at the sports complex and his dorm was on the way for Nora. She was unreasonably nervous walking up to the door – it was really no different from going over to the Sticks, but she had never been in one of the men's dorms by herself before. If Lee wasn't waiting for her in the lobby she didn't know what she'd do – maybe just leave and pretend she'd misunderstood his instructions. But he was there, thank goodness.

"Hey, Nora, cσmo vas? Hace frνo, no?"

"Sν, mucho, I mean muy frνo," she said, panicking in that stupid way that always happens when someone tries to speak a language you don't know very well, and everything you did know instantly disappears.

"You didn't tell me which Spanish class you're in. Is it 101?" asked Lee, which made her feel worse.

"No, 102 – I tested out of the first semester," she said, feeling herself blush. "I do know how to say "very cold," I just can't speak that well yet."

"Good for you! And I know how it is – I kind of sprung it on you. How are you? You didn't answer that one."

Nora had recovered a little, and was able to say "Asν asν," with a tolerable accent. "Estoy alegre porque vamos a clase. Me gusta bailar," she added for good measure.

"A mν tambien," said Lee. "I'm looking forward to it. I love dancing but I don't know how to do it properly. Half the guys in France could make me look really silly."

"What are you going to do with your international studies major?" Nora said, to avoid a silence. And she was really curious. She didn't know much about Lee, other than that he was a jerk about women. "Are you going to be a translator, or teach, or something?"

"Teach! No, I'll leave that to the Jameses of the world. I'd like to get into either translation, or international politics of some sort. If I could get a post at an embassy or something, I'd have it made. That's why I wanted to study as many languages as possible."

"Do you speak any besides French and Spanish?"

"A little German, but not much; and some Portuguese I picked up when my dad hired some Brazilian carpenters on one of his jobs," he said. "I wish we had more language options here. Not that I regret going to Douglas, but it does have its limitations."

They were almost to the sports complex.

"Let me know if you ever need help with Spanish," Lee offered. "I still remember enough, though my French is better after living there, of course."

"Thanks," Nora said, with no intention of ever asking him for anything if she could avoid it. "Do you know where we're going?"

"I think the dance studio is in the upstairs somewhere. Oh, maybe we can follow them –" he pointed at another couple walking in the door. "Do they look like ballroom types to you?"

Nora gave him an involuntary half-smile. "Not really, but do we look like ballroom types either?"

Mrs. Benton, who taught the dancing classes, thought dancing was more important than anything in the world, and she hated students who gave the impression that they did not agree with this priority. But Lee was going to be a favorite of hers, clearly. He paid close attention to her instructions and when she came around to check each couple's stance he got an approving "Very nice, Mr. Cadwell. Hand on her wing, exactly like that."

Lee made a face at Nora when she had gone on to the next pair. "You didn't know you had wings, did you?"

She shook her head, half-laughing at him but suspecting him of trying to flirt all the same. 'Hand on her wing' apparently meant Lee was supposed to grab her by the shoulder blade. Mrs. Benton had been so insistent about it that the actual moment when Lee put his arm around her had passed without any of the embarrassment Nora feared.

Having mastered a simple two-step, Nora felt her spirits began to rise a little. If they had to focus on technique all the time there would be less room for flirting. She was grateful Lee took it seriously, too. Some of the guys in the room had clearly been dragged along by their girlfriends.

"So how was dancing with Lee?" Jackie asked Nora teasingly when they got to the cafeteria for dinner after class.

"It was all right," Nora said, conscious of Lee standing right behind her, close enough that she could feel his body heat. "We didn't learn anything too impressive today, but apparently Lee has perfect technique at standing, anyway."

"Nora, that's horrible," he said.

She felt her face heat up, right from her cheekbones out. "No, that's not how I meant it – I just meant we're going awfully slowly –"

"What an encouraging partner I have," Lee continued. "I have perfect technique at standing still, she thinks."

Nora began to protest again; she knew Lee was teasing her, but she felt uneasy anyway, as if she had said something wrong. But she fell silent when she caught Jackie giving her a very odd look, a knowing look. It made her very uncomfortable. There wasn't anything for Jackie to know – she had no business looking so smug.

"When is Chris coming up, again?" James asked at dinner.

Nora was happy to change the subject from her and Lee dancing together, which somehow she hadn't been able to shake yet. "Friday afternoon, two weeks from now," she replied. "He gets a half day that Friday and I don't have any afternoon classes either, so it works out perfectly. I hope the weather's good – I want to show him everything, the whole campus."

"Who's Chris?" asked Lee, frowning.

"Nora's brother, who's coming for Siblings' Weekend," Jackie answered for her. "God, Lee, pay attention. Were you dreaming over there?"

"I hadn't heard anything about it yet," Lee protested, and moved just as Jackie gave a stifled yelp. Nora suspected him of kicking her under the table. "Is he in college too, Nora?"

"No, he's a senior in high school."

"Where is he going next year, then? Douglas, I assume. It's a family curse."

Nora shook her head again. "He's not going to college. He's smart, but he doesn't like school. He wants to be a carpenter, or do woodworking. He's trying to find some way to get an apprenticeship, a job with someone who will teach him."

"More people should consider that," James said. "I think a lot of people just go to college because they don't know what else to do. And it's great to have an education, but if you're the kind of person who doesn't learn easily in a classroom, it's also a great way to end up over your head in debt."

"No, there's certainly nothing wrong with wanting to get a job in something like carpentry," agreed Lee. "Some of the guys my dad works with on his projects are amazing at what they do."

Nora felt a little better – she'd gotten so many odd looks from people when they asked about her brother, that she was starting to get defensive about it. She would expect James to be kind, but it was a surprise to have Lee chime in too.

Jackie wasn't finished, though.

"So that's what you're going to tell your students, huh, James? Don't bother going to school because it's pointless and you'll just get into debt?"

"No, of course not. That's not what I'm saying at all. It's just that if you don't know what you want to do with your life, sometimes college won't give you any answers. And if you do know, maybe you should just go ahead and pursue it, even if it doesn't involve college at all."

"Oh, so college is just for people who have it all together. What do you think I should do with it, James? Save the world with music, or something?"

"I wasn't talking about you, Jackie, and I said 'sometimes'." James lowered his voice as she raised hers.

"You're so full of it, James Bayfield! You've got your plan for your life all laid out, and God help anyone who doesn't fit into that plan!"

Nora was beginning to feel very awkward. She caught Lee's eye and they both stood up with their trays at the same time.

"My sister really likes your cousin, you know," Lee said as they walked out through the student union. "She just doesn't know what to do about it. And he's not making it very easy on her, is he? I don't care if he is your cousin."

"But he likes her, too," Nora said – as much as it hurt to say it out loud and to Lee Cadwell of all people, she was tired of skirting around the point. In a way it was better to get the whole mess out in the open, even if it was Lee. She went on, "I don't understand what the problem is. I wish they'd just stop fighting." And that was true, too – it would be a relief if James and Jackie just started dating officially. Then maybe she could get over the way she felt about him and put it behind her.

"The problem is," said Lee, unexpectedly serious, "that my sister doesn't trust men. She was really close to my mom before she died, and she probably knew a lot of things about my parents' marriage that she would have been better off not knowing. She's so absolute about it."

Wow – that was probably more than Nora should know, either. Of course she would keep it confidential, but Lee didn't know her very well yet. She felt pretty sure that Jackie would be furious if she knew he'd told Nora all this.

But she just said, "I guess that explains a lot." Which it did.

James found Nora in the library after dinner, where she was looking up some sources for her first Janssen paper of the semester.

"I have to talk to you," he said. "Do you have a few minutes?"

Nora's heart sped up, even though she could guess what he wanted to talk about and it had nothing to do with her. "Sure," she said. "Just let me check out first and maybe we can find somewhere quiet."

As usual whenever you actually wanted to find a place to talk, all of the most obvious locations were overrun. But they finally found an empty classroom in the basement down the hall from the library. Nora dumped her books on the table and sat down. "So what did you want to talk about?" she asked finally, when James had just sat in silence for a minute.

"You know, if you don't want to listen, you can stop me," he said. "I know this is probably awkward for you because she's your roommate, but I really need someone to talk to and you're my closest friend."

Nora looked down at the cover of the nearest book, so he couldn't see her face. She was his closest friend – that was something, wasn't it? "No, go ahead," she said when she realized James was waiting for her to say something. "What are friends for, right?"

"I don't know what to do with Jackie," he began, and then he spoke faster and faster, pouring it out. "I can't say anything to her that she doesn't twist around and misinterpret. I'm pretty sure that she's at least somewhat interested in me, but she won't let me in. Sometimes I can't tell if she's deliberately playing with me or if she's trying to flirt, or if she can't make up her own mind. You know what I'm talking about, Nora – you've seen it. One minute she's inviting me to listen to her practice her harp, and the next minute she's attacking me. Then she wants to know about the next Socrates Society meeting so she can go."

Nora shook her head, trying to look as sympathetic as she could. She didn't think it would be proper to say what Lee had told her, when he probably shouldn't have shared it in the first place. Was there anything else she could say to help? And for that matter, why was she even trying to help James at all? She didn't want him to get together with Jackie – but she couldn't stand to see him in pain, either.

"I can't believe it's just my choice of career that's her problem," James went on. "I know it won't be as easy as some ways of living, but if I were going to be a businessman like dad, that's no walk in the park either – he leaves my mom alone at least half the year when he's gone on trips. I just don't get why she's so against it. It can't be the money – she wouldn't be so mercenary as that."

"No, I don't get it either," said Nora. "But it's not the kind of thing she's used to, you know."

"I know – it's not a typical dream, and maybe I'll give it up after a year. But I have to try, Nora."

"Of course you do," Nora said vehemently. "You can't give up a dream just like that."

"Why is she doing this to me? I've tried to ask her, to dig a little deeper and hash this out, but she avoids it. I've thought about just asking her out – just telling her I'm in love with her and letting her decide if she wants to have anything to do with me or not."

Nora froze. He'd said 'love'. He had said he was in love with Jackie. She didn't know why she didn't start crying, but she just sat there, listening to James talk.

"I don't know if I can do it, though, Nora. Not when she keeps attacking me like she did tonight. It's not worth the pain. Maybe it's a good thing I'll be gone for the next week or so."

"Where are you going?" she asked, with only the slightest shake in her voice. James was too worked up to notice it, anyway.

"Well, I won't really be gone, but I won't see much of you and the group at meals or anything. I'm observing at the high school for an education class I'm taking. It's the prerequisite for student teaching next year."

"Oh, at the high school here in town?"

"No, it's in Mason – about half an hour away. Anyway, it couldn't have come at a better time. I really need to get away from Jackie and the whole situation right now. It's eating me up and I'm not focusing on my classes as much as I should. I can't just go on seeing her every day, in suspense like this."

"James – I wish there were something I could say," Nora said. She had unfrozen, mostly. After all, it wasn't like she didn't know already that James was in love. It was hard to hear him say it, but what did she expect? He'd been interested in Jackie for months now.

"It's okay, Nora, thanks for listening." He came over and put his arm around her shoulders sideways and hugged her a little.

Nora turned her face away and grimaced to keep from crying. She was going to hug him back, but by the time she'd composed herself enough, he was moving away.

"James," she said, desperately. The look on his face was awful, it was so sad.

"If you can't say anything, don't worry, Nora – I wouldn't want you to betray any confidences. You're so good – I couldn't ask for a better friend, for me or for Jackie."