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Chapter 19

Posted on 2009-07-28

Someone seemed to have appointed Nora as Confidante of the Week – and it was a position she would rather not have accepted. Friday night, since there wasn't much to do, she and Jackie stayed in and watched a movie on Jackie's little miniature TV-VCR combo.

Megan and Jessie were both at their respective sorority houses for some function, which seemed to occur at least several times a week now. Their dorm room door looked like a feud between Greeks. Megan had a giant letter K with her name on it in glitter taped to the door, and almost overlapping it was a poster board sign for the Lambdas. They both had messages taped up that read "I Love My Little Sis" in various colors.

"If I'd known they get so much swag and crap, I would have joined just for the free water bottles," remarked Jackie. "Oh well. I refuse to do homework on a Friday night, anyway, independent or no independent."

So they checked out a movie from the library. Since Nora let Jackie pick, they had ended up with "Pretty Woman" – the library didn't have anything very recent. Nora had her doubts about it, but when Jackie found out she'd never seen it she was horrified, and said it was a classic and no one should live without having seen it.

However, halfway into the movie Jackie didn't seem to be enjoying it very much either. "I used to love this movie so much," she said while Julia Roberts was busy taking a bath. "It's so unrealistic, though."

"Aren't most movies?" Nora said, wondering what had put her roommate in such a bad mood.

"Yeah, but this is really bad. They have nothing in common – they're never going to be happy together." She unwrapped another Dove dark chocolate and ate it.

Nora began to get an idea of what was going on. "But neither of them was happy before, either. They weren't suited for the lives they were living. It's not like anything would actually work out so perfectly in real life, but it's not so unbelievable that they fall in love."

"Love, love," scoffed Jackie, and threw a Dove at the screen. But she didn't say anything else until the end of the movie.

As the credits came up, she sat up and looked at Nora. "So what did you think of it?"

"It was sweet," Nora said cautiously. "Maybe not realistic, but I don't think that's so terrible. It's just a movie about two people who are very different, who would never ordinarily meet and get to know each other."

She half-hoped, half-dreaded that Jackie would say something about James. But when she did, it was not what Nora had expected.

"So you talk to James a lot, right? You're best friends or pals or whatever?"

"We're good friends, yes."

"Does he talk about girls to you? Are you that close?"

"I don't know – he's never said anything about girls." Not about girls in general, only about Jackie. She wasn't quite lying.

"Does he ever mention girls in his classes, or anything? There must be someone he's interested in, someone he has a lot in common with. Maybe that girl at your club? Beth?"

Nora almost laughed. "No, you're way off. Beth has this on-again, off-again thing with Alex, the tall thin guy who was debating Debussy with you."

"Are you sure?" said Jackie. She got up and started fiddling with things on her desk, opening drawers and putting things away, then taking them out again. "You don't think she'd go for James in one of her off-again phases?"

"No, absolutely not. I don't think James has ever even thought about her that way."

Jackie sighed and sat down. "Maybe he's gay. That would make things a lot easier in some ways."

"He's not gay, Jackie, and you know it," said Nora, exasperated with the way her roommate kept skirting around the main question; but Jackie had opened her Norton Anthology and pretended not to hear her.

When Nora got an email the next day about another movie night at Beth's, she felt, like James, that the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Right now an evening watching Persuasion without any bitter commentary from Jackie was exactly what she needed.

"… and you can bring your roommate if you want," Beth had said, but Nora knew at once that she wasn't going to ask Jackie. She felt a little bad about it, but Jackie clearly wasn't in the mood for romance, and she didn't like costume dramas anyway.

Beth had reserved the TV room at her dorm and bought three different kinds of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. She had asked four other girls – Nora had met most of them when they watched Emma during finals. Nora was the only freshman, but no one had seemed to think she was out of place.

"We should have a secret underground offshoot of the Socrates Society," Beth said to Nora as they all curled up on the sofas. "The Austen Society – only forget the debate, we just watch movies with hot men in tall boots."

"If the Socrates Society was like that, I would have joined long ago," said one of the girls on the other side of Beth.

They all snickered, then fell silent as the movie started. Nora had seen it already, of course, but it was different watching with people who appreciated it, instead of having to hush her brothers so she could hear the dialogue.

"How are things going, Nora?" asked Beth when the movie was over, as Nora helped her clear away the remains of the ice cream. "Are you doing okay? You seem kind of quiet this semester."

"I'm all right, I guess," Nora said. And then without warning she was crying, not just wiping a few tears, but sniffling and hiccupping and the whole works.

"Hey –" Beth put her arms around her. "What's the matter? Are you homesick? Christmas too much for you?"

"Nooo –" Between embarrassment and crying, Nora could hardly speak. "It's not that at all, I'm really happy here."

"Sure, you're so happy you lost it when I asked you how you are. Come on, spill it. I said I'd be your friend, remember?"

For a minute Nora was tempted to tell her everything – that she was in love with James, who was in love with her roommate, who was in love with him but not telling him for some stupid reason – but she couldn't make herself do it. Instead she settled on something that was true, and close enough.

"I had a group of friends last semester – well, a group of people I hung out with, you know – and it sort of feels like it's all falling apart. My roommate's upset about something and my cousins went Greek, and – I don't know –"

"I know how that is, and I hate to say it, but it happens. Especially freshman year because you're all still sorting out where you belong. It happened to me too, although I didn't get it until the beginning of sophomore year."

"I'm sorry I'm being so stupid," sniffed Nora, mortified that she was making such a big deal out of nothing.

"Gosh – you should have seen me driving home with my mom for fall break, just bawling my eyes out."

"Really?" said Nora, and then hated herself for sounding so relieved that Beth suffered too.

"Honestly, I'm still trying to figure it out myself. I don't have a lot of people I feel really close to myself – that's why –" and suddenly Beth looked shy. "That's why I said I wanted to get to know you a little better. I'm just kind of forward that way, I didn't mean it to seem weird."

"Oh no, it didn't seem weird. I'm reserved so it's hard for me –"

"Well, you can always come hang out with me if you need company," said Beth, and wiped her eyes too. Then she looked at Nora and giggled. "What a pair of girls we are, honestly. What would Anne Elliot say about us? That's going to be my new mantra, you know."

"What would Anne Elliot say?"

"Yes, I might get a t-shirt made that says WWAS."

Nora snorted and giggled at the same time. "Perfect – it can also stand for World Wide Austen Society."

"I knew I liked you!" cried Beth, and then made a face. "Ugh, I think I ate too much Ben and Jerry's."

"Gluttony! What would Anne say?" retorted Nora, and they both snickered.

Nora wished she didn't have to go back to Pieper and her gloomy roommate. If only her life would sort out neatly like a Jane Austen novel.

Chapter 20

Posted on 2009-08-05

Jackie's mood hadn't improved in the week James had been gone. She hadn't gone to Socrates Society with Nora on Tuesday, although she had gone to orchestra practice the next day. In fact as far as Nora could tell, Jackie was spending more time practicing than she was studying. But apparently all that harp-playing failed to soothe her mood. Maybe harps were only relaxing if you were listening, not playing.

On Wednesday at lunch, Nora spotted Beth sitting at an empty table on the far side of the cafeteria.

"Do you want to go sit with Beth?" she asked Jackie, who was right behind her.

"If you insist," snapped Jackie.

Beth beamed as they sat down, but Jackie was morose. She gulped her food in silence and got up with her tray before Nora had even finished her yogurt. Beth leaned over and whispered to Nora, "Oh, you really weren't kidding, were you? She is seriously grouchy! WWAS?" This made Nora feel a lot better. She felt slightly guilty for laughing behind Jackie's back, but at least Beth didn't think she was being a whiny freshman.

To ease her conscience, Nora offered to make Jackie hot chocolate when she got back to their room that evening. That didn't work either. Jackie said she hated hot chocolate.

Nora decided to give up, but it wasn't easy to ignore Jackie when she was slamming desk drawers every other minute.

She really hated to admit it, but even going to dance class with Lee was a relief. They were doing the foxtrot, which wasn't easy. Nora had to concentrate hard on the steps, but Lee was a good leader, whatever else you could say about him. Mrs. Benton adored him and was always asking him to demonstrate steps with her.

"Now since we've practiced," Lee said as he drew her back into his arms after a turn, "you'll have to dance with me at the President's Ball in a week. We'll look so impressive. Maybe you can act like you've never seen me before, and we just spontaneously burst into dance like in a musical."

Nora smiled. "I will, but I also have to dance with my brother, Chris, if he wants to. He might not be into dancing much, but I promised him college girls are a lot nicer than high school."

"We'll all make sure he has a good time. Is he quiet, like you?"

"No, Chris is really outgoing. He loves meeting new people. Sometimes people think he's older than I am, because he's mature for his age and I'm just –"

"You're just quiet," said Lee. "There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes quiet people are the best when you really get to know them." And he squeezed her hand.

Nora flushed and tried not to feel flattered. He was so obvious, and she knew he never meant a word. It was a verbal habit, no different from the way Jess said "like" all the time. She couldn't help being glad that she would get to dance at least once at the President's Ball, though.

Friday night came again and no one had anything to do. Even Megan and Jess were surprisingly unengaged. All the girls went to dinner together for the first time in what seemed like ages, and James, Blake, and Lee met them in the student union.

"Let's go see a movie or something," Lee suggested.

"There's nothing interesting playing here – I checked already," said Jackie.

Nora, who had been thinking of last semester with mixed nostalgia and pain, observed that neither Megan nor Jessie jumped to agree with Lee's proposal as they used to – it was a decided improvement.

"We could drive over to Mason – that's only half an hour away," said James. "There's a big movie theater there. I passed it when I was driving to the high school every morning this week."

"Closer to forty-five minutes," corrected Cole.

James didn't reply, although he was the one who had been driving there for a week.

"I'll call and find out what they're playing," Lee said after a pause.

Having finished dinner, they all turned in their trays and headed out to the student union, where everyone stopped to put on their coats.

Nora, who was behind the group, saw James move over to Jackie.

"Are you coming?"

Jackie shrugged.

"You don't seem yourself, Jackie – are you all right?"

"I'm kind of tired," she said, still in the distant voice she had been using all week.

"Please come," James said in a lower voice. "I've missed you – it won't seem right if you're not with us too."

Jackie looked up at him and blinked. "If you really want me to –"

Nora looked away. As they walked back to the Sticks, she quickened her pace and caught up with Lee. There wasn't much choice, since everyone else was paired up, but James and Jackie were lagging behind, deep an intense conversation, and she couldn't just trail behind them. She didn't want to seem to be listening to them, and when it came right down to it she wasn't sure she wanted to hear what they were saying anyway.

The two of them kept on talking in a corner while Lee called the movie theater; and when asked for their opinion about whether to see "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon", they looked blank.

"Whatever you all want," said Jackie amiably, as if she had never expressed an opinion in her life.

"It doesn't matter – that one sounds fine," said James.

Nora realized Lee was trying to ask her something at the same time – it sounded like he'd repeated himself at least once.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she said, flushing. "I was kind of zoning out."

"Would you like to ride with me? We'll have to split up again since there's so many – James said he'd drive too."

"Oh." Nora only weighed her options for a minute. There was no doubt that Jackie would go with James. "Yes, sure. Thanks."

"Excellent." Lee grinned and bumped her shoulder with his. "I didn't want to get stuck chauffeuring with no one to talk to."

Nora smiled politely. She wished he'd quit touching her so much, but at the moment she didn't care, as long as he didn't suspect the reason for her distraction.

She couldn't really regret her choice of transportation, not even when she found out Megan and Cole were going to be the other two passengers. It looked bad for a few minutes – Cole said something about "guys up front". How Lee maneuvered his way out of that one, Nora wasn't sure; but eventually after some laughter and Lee managing to call Cole a male chauvinist without offending him, the other two climbed in back with no complaints, and Nora got in the passenger side next to Lee.

Since neither couple had much to say to the other, they naturally began two conversations. Megan and Cole's murmurs in the back were mostly drowned out by the engine noise. Nora settled in her seat and began to feel she could get through half an hour (or even forty-five minutes according to Cole) with very little discomfort – and at least she could try and put James and Jackie out of her mind for a while.

Lee was an easy conversation partner because he did most of the talking himself, and Nora just had to answer his questions.

"So your brother's coming next weekend," he began. "Is he going to any classes?"

"No," Nora replied. "I don't have any Friday afternoon, and he'll have to head back on Sunday."

"If he wants to, he could come to Psychology with me. Just if he's interested in seeing what a class is like. That would be a fairly good one to sit in on."

"I don't know, but thanks for offering – I'll definitely ask him."

"I know he's not planning on going to college, but maybe he'd like to experience a class anyway. So does he have anything set up for next year yet?"

Lee went on asking questions about Chris, and he seemed to be actually listening to her answers, even when she kept them short. It was almost as easy as talking to James, really. Nora was thinking that maybe she had misjudged Lee a little. He might be untrustworthy but maybe there was just a little kindness in him after all, at least when it came to other guys, or hopelessly uninteresting freshmen like herself. She was surprised when they arrived at the movie theater in Mason sooner than seemed possible.

The movie was beautifully colored and the music drew you in. But Nora kept missing parts of the subtitles. It was her own stupid fault. She couldn't prevent herself from looking over to her right at James and Jackie. In the dark it was hard to tell, but it looked like James had his arm around Jackie, or at least lying on the back of her seat.

The end of the movie was tragic – lovers who could never be together. The cello on the soundtrack cried and Nora knew she was going to cry too. Lee was sitting on her other side and if she started sniffling she had a feeling he was going to try the arm-on-the-back of the seat trick too, just to make sure she was okay or something. He would do it on principle, just because he was a flirt and it was in the rules, even if it was just shy Nora on the other end.

She stared hard at the screen and hated the stupid movie with all her might, determined not to cry. It was stupid. There was no excuse for the lovers – at least they knew they loved each other, and they were just being ridiculously noble. They deserved what they got, and they weren't going to make her cry in front of stupid Lee. She despised him too, when he put his arm on her armrest, so she had to shrink in to avoid touching either him or James.

Suddenly she wished she had stayed home. She could have called Beth and maybe they could have watched tape five of Pride and Prejudice together.

To make it all worse, when they left the theater there was a shuffle of car passengers.

Jess wanted to go straight back, because she had a volleyball game the next day. Blake, of course, wanted to do whatever Jessie wanted to do. Jackie wanted to go get ice cream. She was practically vibrating with high spirits.

"Please Jess – I'll give you backrubs when you fall and hurt yourself in volleyball because you stayed up too late and you didn't see the ball in time so you dived for it. I promise I will." She made a pathetic face, and Jess half-smiled in spite of herself. But she stuck to her word.

"No. I have a rule, no later than ten-thirty on pre-game nights. I've never broken it and I don't intend to. Sorry, Jackie."

"Oh Jess, think of ice cream, it will make you happy and happy volleyball players are good volleyball players –"

"God!" broke in Megan. "Stop bugging her. You're like a hyper three-year-old tonight, Jackie."

"I know," Jackie agreed. "A hyper three-year-old who wants ice cream."

In the end, James offered to let Blake drive his car back, and Cole and Megan went too, Megan looking more and more irritated as Jackie danced around the parking lot. James was generous with letting people borrow his car, but there was no question in this case – he was doing it to please Jackie.

Nora dithered about trying to get a place in the return car as well. She didn't want to stay and watch Jackie charming James, but half an hour in a car with Megan in a bad mood could be a very long trip home. And Megan would be mad if she had to sit three in the back seat.

Lee was asking Nora about her favorite ice cream places, and when she turned to answer him she lost her chance. The others had already gone. She reminded herself to make the best of it – after all Lee was being very nice and not too intrusive this evening.

Unfortunately, when they got to the ice cream place it was hard to avoid the idea that they were very nearly on a double date. James and Lee paid for the ice cream. Nora made a faint noise of protest, but when Jackie failed to back her up she fell silent, embarrassed. They sat down with their cones and Lee slid easily into the booth beside her.

"How's the ice cream, Nora?" he said solicitously. "I haven't had butter pecan in ages."

Nora tried to thank him lightly, but across the table Jackie was offering James a taste of her ice cream. She was petrified that Lee would expect to share her butter pecan too. That was just too much like a date. Maybe it was a date. Maybe James and Jackie were dating now. It was hard to tell. Jackie was happy, but they weren't holding hands or anything. Nora was miserable. Sitting squashed into the back seat with a disagreeable Megan for half an hour would have been nothing to sitting cozily with Lee in a booth eating ice cream together.

Chapter 21

Posted on 2009-08-11

Of course Jackie wouldn't say anything about James when they finally got back to Pieper around one, full of ice cream and all of them beginning to get silent and tired. Even when they were in their room undressing for bed, Jackie kept saying, "so sleepy," and yawning whenever Nora tried to hint at the subject of James. Nora had to hope that she'd get a chance to talk to James tomorrow. He'd tell her, at least. It was starting to be really bad for her, not knowing what was going on with them. It was starting to be difficult to focus on things she was supposed to be focusing on, like school work.

However, the next morning Jackie woke up unusually early and in an unusually good mood, and before she went to the bathrooms to take her shower, she said, "don't leave without me, Nora! I think I'll go to breakfast today."

Jackie never went to breakfast, and that had been Nora's best hope of catching James alone. Maybe Jackie was hoping to see him too. It looked more and more like they were actually dating, putting circumstantial evidence together. Nora tried to silence the hopeful little voice that said James might do anything for Jackie, and she might want to see him, even if they weren't dating. It was better to start working on resignation, rather than prolonging denial.

Nora was trying to practice a hearty congratulations in her head when Jackie came back from the shower, her dark curls still wet, which made them fall in perfect corkscrews. She had a highly-colored kind of face anyway, but fresh from scrubbing it looked like the face of a Preraphaelite maiden. Life was unfair.

As Nora had expected, James was waiting in the student union outside the cafeteria, but though she averted her eyes as he greeted Jackie, there did not seem to be any hugging or kissing or hand-holding going on. At least, when she looked back they were both turning toward the cafeteria entrance, engaged in no more than a normal conversation.

Jackie was still in high spirits, though – she made fun of everything from the cereal dispensers which always got jammed, to the football players eating six waffles for breakfast. Nora ended up laughing in spite of herself – that was Jackie.

"I'm scheduled to work," James said at last, regretfully.

Jackie made a face. "I guess I should go practice. There's an orchestra concert in two weeks. You're coming, right?"

"Of course," said James in a shocked tone.

"Nora?"

"Sure – I wouldn't miss my roommate's first performance."

As they got up Nora decided her paper still needed some more references which she would have to go look up in the library, coincidentally taking her to the same place as James. Jackie walked with them almost all the way to the library, which was on the way to the music building, after all. But then she stood in the library lobby chatting to James for so long that Nora gave up and went in to find some books that could plausibly be references for a paper on Hamlet.

When she came back upstairs an hour later, after a fortifying stop in the children's stacks to read half of Jane of Lantern Hill, James was stationed at the reference desk and the library was nearly deserted.

"Can I help you find something?" James said, grinning at her.

Nora didn't know how to begin. "You seem happy today," was what she settled on. It sounded lame, but there was no help for it.

"Last night was fun – I don't know why we don't all go out more often. Don't you think?"

"Sure." Gathering her nerve, she just asked it, looking down at her books. "So – you and Jackie –? After last night, are you –?"

"Oh. No, we didn't really get that far. Not yet. But I'm feeling a lot better about it. I think we made progress – we had a really positive discussion about family and expectations, and she seemed a lot more understanding of the fact that I might not want to do exactly what my dad does for a living."

"That's great," said Nora with as much feeling as she could manage. "You're still going to ask her out, then?"

"Yeah, when the moment is right. I have to – I have to know one way or another. But I'm going to sound like such a fool; I never know what to say to her. I'm like the exact opposite of her in so many ways. She's so clever –"

"You're smart too, James."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. But thanks."

Nora had homework for Spanish class that week, and an exam in history, and a ridiculously complicated lab in biology. But as busy as she was, the week still seemed long. She was in suspense waiting for two things – Chris was coming on Friday and she could hardly wait to see him; and she expected every day to find out that James and Jackie were dating.

By Thursday she was such a mess she had real reason to be grateful that Lee was good at dancing.

Mrs. Benton had agreed to teach them the basics of swing in time for the dance on Saturday.

"I know you all want to learn the fast dances because they're 'fun,'" was what she said. "So I'll teach you some swing; but just remember the foxtrot can be equally impressive and far more elegant." Letting people dance swing was a big concession, Mrs. Benton clearly thought. She was doing everyone a favor by indulging their plebeian tastes for a fast beat.

Swing required paying a lot more attention to how the steps fit together than some of the other dances, and Nora's brain had had enough.

"All right," Lee said finally. "You don't worry about turning, don't even think about turning. Just do the step-step-back-step part and I'll worry about the rest."

He did, too. Nora step-stepped out and when Lee snapped his wrist in she flew in to his side. He laughed at her expression. "See? Just relax and I'll take you for the ride of your life." What was really annoying about his arrogance was that he was actually correct. When Nora looked at the couple nearest them, who were arguing about how to do a simple turn, she had to admit that Lee made her look good. Almost unwillingly she began to enjoy it, throwing her head back into the spins.

"Very nice, Mr. Cadwell, Miss Worth," said Mrs. Benton. "Excellent styling." Of course the minute she spoke Nora startled and missed a step. "No, you ignore me, Miss Worth. Don't pay attention to the sidelines – you let him lead. Mr. Cadwell, you look as if you would like to learn a lift."

"That would be awesome!" Lee said, predictably.

Nora burned. She was going to be too heavy for him, and he'd drop her. She just knew it. Mrs. Benton was calling the rest of the class to observe while Lee demonstrated a lift.

"Miss Worth, you will push off to give him a lift, and kick your legs up and to each side. You can brace yourself by holding on to his hands where he grasps your waist."

Nora felt stupid, but it would be stupider to refuse to try. The first time she jumped too hard and nearly came down on her butt.

"That was perfect, Lee, but please work with him, Nora."

Of course Lee was perfect. They tried it again. His hands gripped her hips and swooped her up. This time the rest of the class applauded. Nora came down lightly on her feet, but she still felt awkward. Lee was grinning.

"Then what do you do to transition out of the lift?" he asked Mrs. Benton.

"Anything you like – turn and do a step back would be easiest."

Lee was on a high as they walked up to dinner together. Nora thought perhaps he really liked tossing girls around, but then she shook herself. That was mean, and it really was fun dancing with Lee. She had a better than even chance of actually enjoying herself at the dance on Saturday, for the first time ever.

"We have to teach James and Jackie some of those moves," he was saying. "Not until after we impress them with our skills, of course."

"Of course." Nora imagined Jackie flying into the air in James's arms, her curls springing around her face, laughing down at James over her shoulder.

When they got to student union, there was a small crowd waiting for them outside the cafeteria: James, Jackie, Jess, Blake, and – someone else. Someone she wasn't expecting to see until tomorrow.

"Chris!" Nora shrieked, running at him. "How did you get here? What are you doing here early?"

He lifted her off the ground as he hugged her. "Hey little sis. You're still such a shortie – when are you going to get your growth spurt?" That was a running joke since he had gotten big enough to pick her up, years ago.

"But you weren't supposed to come until tomorrow!"

"Surprise," he said, laughing. "I'm skipping my class tomorrow. There's no point in staying around home just for that. I thought I might as well come up and check out these college girls you keep promising me."

Nora flushed and hit him in the arm. "Stop – I didn't promise you any such thing. I just said college girls aren't as snobby as high school girls."

"Well, I have to scope them out before the dance, don't I?"

"That's right," said Lee, putting out his hand. "I suppose you've already met everyone else. I'm Lee – I'm your sister's dancing partner, and her roommate's older brother."

"Got it," said Chris, gripping Lee's hand. "Nice to meet you."

There was no more conversation until they sat down for dinner, because Nora had to show Chris how to navigate the various lines in the cafeteria, and remind him to check his silverware for dried-on crusty stuff. Even that seemed like fun with Chris to share it with her, and he snickered in a very satisfactory and Chris-like way as she put back three spoons before finding a clean one.

"You can come to all my classes with me tomorrow," Nora said as they sat down with their trays. "Even Dr. Janssen – he's my favorite. I can't believe you'll get to go to his class."

"I wouldn't get too excited about Janssen, Chris," said Blake. "He's terrible – your sister only likes him because she's a masochist or something."

"No, because he's a good teacher," corrected Nora. Ordinarily she wouldn't have said anything to Blake, but having Chris by her side made it almost seem as if they were all her brothers, and she could say whatever came to her mind.

"Doesn't he teach English, though?" Chris asked. "You can't expect me to like that, no matter how good a teacher he is."

"Oh, Chris," said Nora, but she was pleased he'd remembered about Janssen from her emails.

"So you're interested in carpentry, Nora said?" Lee began, leaning forward across the table.

"Yeah, that's my passion. I love making things," Chris returned. "It's hard to find a job when you're inexperienced, but I'll just keep trying –"

He kept talking, answering Lee's questions about his projects, gesturing with his broad hands. Nora sat back, content to watch him. It was so easy to be proud of Chris, and though she had never been ashamed of his ambitions, or pressured him to try college, she did half-wish that he could attend Douglas with her next year. He would be such a great friend. He already fit in with their group so well.

Chapter 22

Posted on 2009-08-18

It was hard to take classes seriously with Chris sitting next to her doodling and writing her funny notes during the lectures. "Dr. Janssen + his mustache = love" he had written while Nora was trying to take notes on Madame Bovary, making her giggle so much she thought she would choke trying to keep it suppressed.

After classes Nora gave him a tour of campus, through all the buildings and down to the arboretum, and then back up to Pieper. It was still an hour before visiting hours started for the weekend, but Nora thought Mrs. Barnes would let Chris in, since he was family.

She was wrong. "Certainly not," said Mrs. Barnes, affronted. "He may or may not be your brother, but he is a young man, and I won't have my girls harassed. Visiting hours were established for a good reason, and I'm surprised to see you, of all people, questioning them, Miss Worth."

"I didn't mean to question them, I just thought you might make an exception this once –"

"If you think rules can be bent whenever it's convenient for you," snapped Mrs. Barnes, "perhaps it's a good thing you did not apply to be an RA this semester." And with the air of having given a death blow, she retired to her office.

Nora might have felt a little hurt, although she certainly had no desire to be an RA this semester or ever; but Chris made her laugh so much by making fun of Mrs. Barnes's voice, that she couldn't be upset. She made Chris wait in the lobby while she ran up to borrow Jackie's deck of UNO, and they went and sat in the student union until dinner.

Chris was still saying "If you think rules can be bent whenever it's convenient for you" in a Mrs. Barnes voice every time Nora had to draw a card, and Nora was trying to tell him not to be mean, between giggles, when she saw Beth come in.

"Oh, it's Beth! You have to meet her, Chris," she cried, and waved.

Beth was in an off-again phase with Alex. She almost flirted with Chris, while Nora observed, half-amused, half-disgusted.

"You'll dance with me tomorrow, right Chris?"

"Sure, if you want," said Chris, suddenly looking like a high-school boy after all.

"That's a promise! You have to, we're always short on guys who will dance. What are you wearing, Nora?" she asked.

"You mean to the dance?"

"Well, yes, duh."

"I got a new dress at Christmas with some present money."

"Nora! What does it look like?"

Lee and James had joined them, so Nora felt silly describing it, but Beth was not to be denied.

"Fine, it's cream and has a brocade pattern on it."

"Strapless?"

Nora blushed. "Nooo, it has straps. It's pretty simple really."

Lee wolf-whistled, which she thought was rude. There was no reason to make fun of her.

"Do you want to come over to my room to get dressed?" Beth suggested. "It might be less crowded than your dorm, since we have suite bathrooms. You wouldn't have to share sinks, except with me of course. Jackie too."

"I'll have to ask Jackie, but I'll come," Nora agreed.

Beth clapped her hands. "We can help each other with our hair!"

"Speaking of um... getting dressed up and stuff," said Chris. "Actually I have something for you."

"For me?" said Beth.

Chris flushed a little. "No, for Nora – sorry Beth. I almost forgot this, sis. Stupid. I hope you can still find something to wear it with." He dug in his pocket and pulled out a little paper envelope.

Nora unfolded the paper and her eyes filled with tears again. "Oh Chris –" It was a tiny pendant made of purple heart wood, shaped like a celtic cross and polished smooth. "You made it, didn't you?"

He nodded, and she threw her arms around him.

"Hey, Norrie – we're in public, you know," he said. "I knew there was a reason I didn't give it to you earlier."

"Chris, I love it!" she said, ignoring him. "It's gorgeous!"

"It's no big deal. I just kind of started carving one day –"

Lee leaned over. "Wow, that is really impressive, Chris. You could sell something like that."

"Nah," Chris laughed. "That's just something for shortie here. I couldn't do it again."

The problem was, of course, that Nora now had to find a chain of some kind to wear her necklace on before tomorrow night. After she'd said good night to Chris and left him at the Sticks that night, she went back to Pieper and dumped her little jewelry box on her bed. Beaded string – no. Knotted cord – no, that might work for every day but it would look horrible with her dress. Oooh, the silver chain that had the heart locket on it. But no! Chris had made the little ring at the top too delicate. It wouldn't fit. Why didn't she have more necklaces? That was all of them, and she didn't have anything to wear. She had to wear Chris's cross. She'd go around the dorm room by room until she found a necklace she could borrow, if she had to.

Jackie came in just as Nora was trying to muster the nerve to actually carry out this plan.

"Hey, what are you doing?" she asked, coming up behind Nora to observe the pathetic contents of her little box strewn over the comforter.

"Trying to find something I can put Chris's cross on to wear tomorrow. I was just going to go see if anyone anywhere in the dorm has something I can borrow. Just a chain, maybe, but it has to be pretty small because –"

"Well, you could start with your roommate, you know," interrupted Jackie. "Here – take a look at mine." She went over to her desk drawer, where she kept her jewelry box, and started pulling necklaces out. "There's this one – I never wear it anymore – do you want gold or silver?"

"Either, I guess," said Nora. "I was just going to wear my plain pearl studs for earrings and I don't have any other jewelry."

"You want gold with that dress, I think," said Jackie with authority. "Here, try this one. Just take the pendant off."

The necklace she tossed over to Nora was a little fancier than she had envisioned – the links were twisted in a pattern, it had an opal pendant, and it was probably more expensive than Nora wanted to know. But it did fit in Chris's ring. "Yeah, that works," she said, holding it up and admiring the way the cross looked with light on it. "That chain is really pretty, Jackie. You don't mind my using it?"

"No, actually you can have it if you want – the whole thing, that pendant too. I never wear it, really never. I've decided I'm more of a silver person."

"Oh no, I couldn't take it," said Nora, appalled. "But if you'll let me wear it, that would be great."

"I want you to have it," Jackie said. "I didn't give you anything for Christmas, so you can call it a late present if you want."

"Jackie – maybe just the chain, but not this opal. I couldn't."

"What would I do with a loose pendant and no chain?" Jackie retorted, rolling her eyes. "No, you have it."

Nora argued, but she could tell that Jackie wasn't going to take the necklace back, and there was no way she could force it on her without being rude.

"That's way too nice for a Christmas present, but thank you – you're really generous," Nora said finally.

Jackie looked over at her and smirked. "I'll pass that on to Lee – he'll be so happy you like it."

"What?"

"Lee gave that necklace to me."

"Oh no –" Nora was getting irritated. After being pushed until she felt uncomfortable anyway, she was not in the mood to deal with the Cadwell siblings' maneuvering. "I can't accept something that was your brother's gift to you, Jackie!"

"You already did," said Jackie, triumphant. "I'm not taking it back. Lee would rather you have it than me, anyway. I think he likes you better."

She was not going to take some kind of second hand gift, or vicarious flirtation, or whatever this was supposed to be, from Lee. But Jackie wouldn't take the necklace back. Eventually Nora stopped talking. She was going to say something she regretted, or she was going to cry, either one. She changed into pajamas and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. When she got back, she climbed into bed and pulled the covers over her head.

The next morning Nora got up early and got dressed as quietly as possible. She thought for a minute that Jackie was going to wake up, when she opened the closet door and the automatic light came on; but she just mumbled and turned over, grabbing at her quilt.

James was at breakfast, as he always was, even on Saturdays. Nora got a bowl of cheerios, a yogurt, and a mug of Lemon Lift tea, the same as every morning, and slid her tray onto the table beside him. James didn't speak to her at first, other than a quick nod – that was also part of their routine.

"Sleep well?" he said, after ten minutes or so.

"All right, how about you?"

"Fine. Hey, isn't it your birthday next month?"

"Yes," said Nora, bewildered.

"Okay, I got you an early birthday present."

"What do you mean?"

James slid a little white box over to her, the kind of shallow box you would get at a jewelry store. "Chris gave me a hint you might need this."

Nora was afraid she already knew what was in it. She looked up at James quickly, then bent her head and lifted off the lid of the box. Sure enough, it was a thin gold chain coiled up. She picked it up. There was nothing to it – just plain delicate links. Exactly what she'd had in mind for Chris's cross.

"James, this is perfect! Absolutely perfect – if I could have picked out exactly what I wanted, this would be it. Thank you – thank you –"

"I'm glad you like it – early birthday present, remember?"

"The only thing is – I don't know what to say to Jackie."

"Jackie?" He frowned.

"She gave me something to wear with the cross, last night –"

"She did? She gave you a necklace too? That is too weird – we both had the same idea."

"Yeah, although yours goes much better with the cross – it looks more like what I had in mind. I'll just have to give the other one back to Jackie. Really it's better, I felt bad taking it from her anyway, because it was hers –"

"Oh no, Nora, you can't do that. You'll hurt her feelings. You can't give back a gift; if she gave it to you, she wants you to have it."

"But, you gave me this too and you planned for it and everything."

"Well, my feelings aren't going to be hurt. Wear Jackie's to the dance and you can keep mine for everyday."

"I guess I have to, but James, I'd really rather just wear yours."

"Stop it, Nora. Jackie gave you a gift too, and it's not any less of a gift because she gave you something of her own. Actually that makes it a better gift, don't you think? You know Jackie really cares about you, right?"

Nora sighed. Maybe Jackie cared about her. Certainly, James cared about Jackie. Too bad it couldn't be that James cared about her.

Chapter 23

Posted on 2009-08-25

Despite Beth's promise that they could help each other get ready for the dance, Nora already had her hair done by the time Beth got finished fussing with hers.

"Why won't my hair ever curl?" Beth wailed, waving her curling iron at great risk of putting Jackie's eye out with it.

"It looks curly to me," said Nora, looking. She'd kept hers simple, just a french twist. She had to use a lot of pins to make it hold because her hair tended to go in all directions, but if she was careful they didn't show.

"Yeah, but it won't stay curly," cried Beth. "You watch, in five minutes it'll be straight. Straight as a stick. Straight as a... straight thing."

"Did you use hairspray?" Jackie asked. She'd moved on to makeup and was trying to make her eye shadow blend perfectly, so she wasn't paying too much attention to the hair drama.

"Of course! And gel."

Jackie went over to her bag. "Aquanet?"

Beth squealed. "That's more like it!"

"Your hair is going to be like a solid mass, but it'll stay curly all right," said Jackie from inside a cloud of Aquanet.

"Hey Nora," said Beth, emerging serene from the mist. "You look really nice. I was supposed to help you, wasn't I? Sorry about that."

"That's okay, my hair was easy."

"What about makeup?"

"I don't wear a lot," Nora demurred, but Jackie interfered.

"Here, just a little whisper of eye shadow – just a touch."

"Please don't bother –" she tried to protest, but Beth joined in.

"Oh yeah, that golden brown. That's the color for Nora. Nice. Here – I have a lip gloss. Use your finger, if you're afraid of my cooties."

When they had pronounced Nora ready, they all put on their ordinary coats over their finery and walked up the hill to the student union, gingerly since it was still icy and they all had high heels. Nora's were only two and a half inch, but Jackie screamed and grabbed at both of her companions at every other step.

All the guys were waiting up in the lobby of the student union.

"Late," said Chris. He was wearing a suit – where he had got it, Nora didn't know, because as far as she knew, he didn't own one. He kissed her on the cheek, looking half-embarrassed. "You look nice, sis."

"More than nice," said Lee. "The primping time was worth it, girls." He looked straight at Nora's throat, where Chris's pendant hung from the necklace Jackie had given her. Then he offered her his arm.

She didn't know what else to do but take it, making sure not to walk too close to him. "I was going to dance with Chris first," she said in as low a voice as she thought might be still audible over the dance band.

"No, don't worry about me," Chris said from right behind her. "I've got Beth." He grinned down at her.

"Nora – swing with me?" Lee said, and pulled her out onto the open floor. The student union had been cleared into an open hall; tables and sofas had magically disappeared and everything was dim and glowing. The band had just started "Jump Jive and Wail" and as Lee pulled her into an under hand turn Nora felt the irresistible thrill of being at a dance, in the nicest dress she had ever owned, with a partner who knew how to move and no fear of having no one to dance with her.

The dance, on the whole, went pretty well. It was better than the portions of high school dances Nora had managed to survive in the past. It was better than she had expected. There was really not much more she could have wished for. She danced with Chris, Lee didn't try to flirt too much, and she even danced with James a few times.

James wasn't much of a dancer – but he was willing, instead of just standing on the sidelines like a lot of the guys. And Jackie didn't seem to mind – she had been trying to teach him swing steps earlier. But Nora wasn't going to waste her time with him trying to show him steps. She just stepped back and forth with him, his arms around her. The back of her dress was low enough that she could feel his hand on her bare shoulder blade.

"Jackie looks great tonight, doesn't she?" He turned Nora slightly so he could look over her shoulder to watch Jackie and Lee spinning around each other. Jackie was throwing her head back and laughing. "That midnight blue is amazing on her."

"She does," agreed Nora, only a little unwillingly. It was true – Jackie was beautiful. "Are you –you know – yet?"

"Soon, Nora. I can feel it. It's going to work out; I just have to take my time. She's worth it."

She wondered what taking his time would accomplish, besides torturing her. Not that he meant to torture her, but he was doing it all the same.

"It's such a huge comfort, knowing I can talk to you about it," James continued, squeezing Nora's hand a little. "I don't think I say that to you often enough. You're such a good friend – so loyal, so unconditional about it. Those are rare qualities, you know. You should know – besides Jackie you're probably my favorite person in the world."

Nora turned her head away. "Thanks, James. That means a lot." It did mean a lot, but hearing it was bittersweet at best. She didn't doubt that James liked her as a friend, but she always had to be compared to Jackie. There would always be a qualification.

By one o'clock Nora was getting really tired. Lee tried to get her to dance again, but her efforts were half-hearted. Megan and Jess had disappeared long ago with their respective young men, although Chris was still going strong, and so were Jackie and Beth. As she put her coat on she looked back at the couples turning on the floor. It was the first dance she had ever really enjoyed, and she was only a little sorry that it was Lee walking her home and not James.

The week after the dance seemed long and dull. There wasn't much to look forward to beyond spring break, and with no other distractions the students had no choice but to buckle down and focus on school work. The first exams loomed and papers wouldn't write themselves.

Nora saw very little of James other than meal times – he had a major religion exam and a long and involved paper for an education class, according to Jackie, who seemed fairly well informed about James's activities. Nora hadn't even realized that Lee had been scarce as well, until Thursday when she met him for dance class.

"You must have been busy this week too," she observed, for something to say as they walked to the sports complex.

"Very," agreed Lee. "I've got a personal problem to solve besides exams, which involves a lot of phone calls to make. Actually I don't think I'm going to bother studying for French. Dr. Cardeau likes me too much to give me a bad grade." He winked at Nora.

That, annoyingly, was probably true, but she had nothing to say in reply, so they were silent until nearly to the door of the dance studio, when Lee asked, "Did Chris enjoy his visit?"

"Of course," said Nora, brightening. "Everyone was very nice to him – he emailed that he almost wishes he were going to college next year himself."

"Well, he was easy to be nice to," said Lee, and Nora forgave him for the comment about flirting his way to good grades in French.

The weekend passed too, with equal non-eventfulness. But Monday morning Nora got an email from Chris. It had exclamation points in the subject line, which was not like Chris at all, so she clicked on it, even though it was nearly time to leave for class.

From: Chris Worth [woodshop-worth@yahoo.com]
To: Worth, Nora [nworth@douglas.edu]
Subject: News!!!

I got a job! This is so cool, sis. It's an apprenticeship, for at least a year, maybe more if they like me, and paid, with benefits even. And youll never guess this – your friend Lee got it for me. His dad knew someone he worked with on a housing project, and they agreed to hire me on his word. I cant even believe it. They do finish carpentry and some custom furniture, cabinets and stuff. Just what I wanted! I'm going to start in May as soon as I graduate. Might even work some weekends before then, if they get a big project.

Tell Lee I owe him forever! Well, I'll email him too if you send me his address. But tell him right away, this is awesome.

Chris

Nora had to read the email twice over, in semi-disbelief. That Lee should do something so incredible for someone he barely knew – and so perfect, just what Chris wanted in every single detail – was shaking her entire conception of him. She was trembling with joy, but it was time for class and she had to run so as not to be late for Janssen, which would be terrible.

By lunchtime she'd still hardly had leisure time to digest the news. Spanish had gone overtime, so she got to lunch a little late, and everyone was already eating.

"Hey Nora," said Lee the minute she sat down. "I have some news for you."

"I guess I already know what it is," she said. "Chris emailed me this morning. He said to tell you he owes you forever. I can't believe you got him a job, Lee – that is the most amazing thing anyone's ever –" she stopped because she was going to start crying, but it had to be said, anyway. "I just – I don't know what to say. Thank you. That will help Chris so much. Thank you, Lee."

Here for some reason everyone but Lee got up and turned in their trays. Nora was a bit confused. She had been late to lunch, but not so late that everyone would be leaving already. She wasn't sure what was going on – maybe they were just trying to be sensitive to her emotion? But everyone should know her well enough by now to know that she cried all the time. It wasn't really unusual. Anyway, she was too distracted to worry about it.

Lee was saying something, but she was hardly paying attention. Something about how he wanted to make her happy, how important it was to make people happy, or something, except he was saying her, specifically. Probably just being Lee, he couldn't even do an amazingly good thing without flirting. She couldn't hold it against him now. She ignored him and stuck to the main point.

"Chris's whole career could depend on this – I don't know if my parents realize what you did, but I'm sure they'll want to talk to you –"

"Nora, I don't think you're listening. I'm trying to tell you, Chris is a great kid and I was happy to help him out, but that's not the real reason I did this. And I didn't do it for your parents, either. It was for you, Nora. It was to show you how I feel about you. I'm falling in love with you."

She laughed nervously. "Yeah, right."

He leaned forward and put his hand over hers on the table. Nora drew it away, looking around. They were in the middle of the lunch rush and Lee wasn't speaking in a low voice – it was impossible to be heard if you spoke quietly. He had to be making fun of her.

"I'm serious, Nora. I'm not just trying to flirt with you. I know you too well to think you'd fall for that. I'm talking about a real relationship with you."

"I don't understand why you're saying that. It doesn't change what you did for Chris, and I'll always be grateful for that, but you – you're – please don't joke about something like dating. You don't have to pretend something like that. Really."

Lee frowned. "This isn't a joke. You've got to –" He'd put out his hand again and curled it around her wrist, despite her trying to pull away. As if he'd only just realized where they were, he stood up, pulling on her hand. "Let's get out of here. I can't talk to you like this. Let's go somewhere else – I know you don't have classes this afternoon."

"There's nothing to talk about," Nora protested, in vain. She had a funny feeling, a shaking, twisting in the pit of her stomach, that suggested maybe he wasn't kidding. The way he was looking at her, the passion in his voice – Lee wasn't usually like that, not even when he was being flirty. When he was flirting he was suave and witty and teasing and suggestive – she'd seen it often enough, after all – but not passionate.

He led the way out of the cafeteria, through the student union. Nora wanted to run away, flee back to the safety of Pieper, but she couldn't. He strode on without looking back, and she couldn't just leave without a word, not after what he'd done for Chris. Even if he was just trying to play around with her, his kindness to Chris had earned her everlasting gratitude. She couldn't be that rude.

There was a little-used study carrel in a niche upstairs in the main classroom building – and since most people were at lunch still, the back hallway was deserted. Exactly the kind of place Nora didn't want to be secluded with Lee Cadwell. He pulled out the chair for her and sat down on the edge of the desk, too close, leaning towards her too intensely.

"Why do you think I'm joking about this, Nora? Why would I make up something as serious as that? I like you – I more than like you, I'm obsessed with you. And it's not something I just decided yesterday, either. I've been thinking about you for weeks, months now. I want you to go out with me, to get to know you better."

Nora gripped the edges of the chair to keep her hands from shaking – this couldn't be happening. Lee Cadwell declaring love for her, was something like a crazy nightmare you'd get after eating too many salt-and-vinegar potato chips at bedtime, or something. It was surreal. She didn't know what to say, how to handle it.

Lee was going on. He'd wanted to do something, some unmistakable thing that would prove how much he cared about her. When Chris came to visit, he'd gotten the idea, so he'd called his dad, and made it happen. It took some time, because his dad didn't like to ask favors. But he'd kept bugging his dad, because he knew it was going to be worth it, and he knew how happy it would make Nora.

She couldn't absorb more than half of it.

"This doesn't make any sense. I'm not – I'm not the kind of girl for you. I mean, I'm flattered, if you're really serious."

"I'm serious, Nora, I keep telling you. What do I have to do to convince you?"

"Okay, I believe you," she said quickly, a little afraid of what Lee might think would be convincing. "But I don't get it. I don't think I'm your type."

"I'll be the judge of that," said Lee softly, tenderly. "But why do you say that?"

"You know, I'm too quiet, you're outgoing, we don't like the same things at all." It was a mistake to argue, she knew that right away. It gave him a chance to argue back. Lee leaned forward – his face smoothed out and he looked more confident.

"So? Opposites attract. And I don't think it's true that we don't like any of the same things. We both like languages, reading, and dancing, for instance. And those are just examples. You've got to give me a chance to get to know you a little better. I know we could be great together."

"I'm really sorry, Lee, I – I'd like to be your friend, because of what you did for Chris. But I don't think it's a good idea for us to date. I don't think it would work out and I'm pretty sure I'm not really what you want."

"You can't just say that without giving it a try."

"I know what I'm talking about."

"That's so unfair, Nora. Please give me a chance."

"I'm really sorry, Lee," she repeated, and the tears started in earnest, overflowing with embarrassing speed before she could wipe them away.

"Hey, don't cry," he said, sweetly, which made her feel a hundred times worse. "Just promise me to think about it."

"Okay," she sobbed, more to get him to stop talking than anything else. "I'll think about it."

She got up and hoisted her bag to her shoulder.

"Want me to walk you back?" Lee said. "Or you just want some space?"

"Space," she said. "Thanks."

So he just watched her walk down the hall, which was in some ways even worse than walking with her. She told herself not to look back, but when she got to the stairs she did anyway, and he was still sitting on the desk, leaning on one hand, looking at her.

She half-ran back to Pieper, not even caring how she looked to the people passing her on the sidewalk, sniffling audibly and eyes streaming so she could hardly see. She dumped her bag on the floor inside the door of their room and stumbled to her bed. Her only coherent thought was gratitude that Jackie had classes on Monday afternoons. At least she could be alone.

Chapter 24

Posted on 2009-09-08

When Nora eventually stopped crying she rolled over on her back and thought. It was getting dusky outside, as she could see looking up through the ugly narrow window over Jackie's desk. It was probably almost dinner time, but there was no way she was going up to dinner. She couldn't face Lee and she couldn't face anyone else. She knew what they would all think, and it would definitely be on Lee's side. Jackie was his sister, and James would think whatever Jackie thought, naturally. Ugh. Of course, she'd have to see Jackie at some point – given that they lived in the same room. She needed someone to talk to or she wouldn't be able to survive the next day.

Nora got up, and went to the bathroom to get a glass of water and wash her face. When she got back to the room she called Beth.

"Hey girlie," Beth answered when she heard Nora's voice. "What's the matter? You don't sound so good."

"That's because I'm not so good," said Nora.

"Are you sick, honey? Can I get you something?"

"No, no – I'm not sick. I'm upset. I need someone to talk to."

"Come right over – I have some mini pizzas in the freezer," said Beth, and hung up.

Over mini pizzas in Beth's dorm kitchen, Nora explained. "Lee asked me out." She felt stupid even saying it.

Beth put down her piece of pizza and squealed. "Lee Cadwell! You are kidding me! Not that I'm surprised he likes you, but he is such a charmer – Wait a minute," she broke off. "This is bad because –?"

"I told him no. This is going to be such a mess – I mean our whole group of friends –"

"Yeah, I see, that could be awkward," said Beth. "But – don't take this the wrong way, Nora, but why did you say no? I thought you liked Lee, not in a romantic way, but – I don't know, I can see him being perfect for you, actually."

Nora sighed. Her pizza tasted bland and lumpy suddenly. "Not you too. I just don't feel that way about him."

"I didn't say you had to feel that way, and you certainly have a right to refuse him if you think that's what you have to do," said Beth. "But –"

There was way too much history to explain to Beth why it was impossible. She hadn't seen what happened last semester with Megan and Jessie, and it would sound so mean and gossipy to try and describe it in such a way that she would understand why it was so bad. And there was no way she was going to tell Beth the ultimate reason she would never say yes to Lee. She wasn't going to tell her how she felt about James.

Nora didn't know herself why she had held on to her secret so stubbornly for so long – there was no doubt that Beth would be sympathetic. But it wouldn't serve any purpose to tell her. It wasn't the kind of thing that would get better by telling it, and it would just put Beth in an awkward position as James's friend.

After a long pause, Beth said, "Is there any reason you can't just give it a try and see what happens? Maybe you'll find out you can feel that way about Lee after all."

"How is that fair to him? Besides, if it didn't work out it would split up our friendships even worse than I'm afraid will happen now," objected Nora.

"It might be worth taking a risk on."

"If you think Lee would be such a great boyfriend, why don't you date him?" Nora said, exasperated.

"Alex doesn't go for threesomes," said Beth, abandoning solemnity. "And what would Anne say, after all?"

Nora felt more alone than ever as she walked back to Pieper – it had been fun to laugh with Beth, while it lasted, but Beth's final words had been, "I think you should consider it," which were such a close echo of Lee's that Nora sank right back to despair. She was doomed. She'd end up dating Lee whether she wanted to or not.

When she got back to her room Jackie was there, which of course she had expected. She still didn't know what to say, but Jackie was direct as usual.

"Nora!" she shrieked. "I don't know what to do with you." She ran over and shook Nora by the shoulders, then pulled her into a hug. "I want to hate you, but I can't. You'll give in eventually, won't you?"

"Jackie – I can't. I just – I told Lee –" Nora stammered.

"Lee told me what you said. But I know you – you're too fair not to give him a chance eventually. You just don't want to jump into anything. I told him he needs to be patient, because you don't like to be rushed and you always have to consider things."

Nora finally wrenched herself away. "I told Lee I'd think about it," she said as her only defense. "I'd rather not talk about it right now – sorry, Jackie."

Jackie did not seem offended. "All right, I'll let you think then. Think all you want."

Nora didn't get a chance to talk to James all the next day. She skipped lunch – she didn't think she could face Lee yet. But at dinner time she had to go – she couldn't eat in her room for the rest of the semester. She couldn't afford to, for one thing. She was going to run out of ramen.

She hung back behind Jackie and Jess as they entered the student union. It was well below freezing and she delayed meeting anyone's eyes for a few minutes, pulling off her gloves and unwinding her scarf, rubbing her hands together and putting her things in her pockets. When she finally looked up, she need not have worried. Lee wasn't there yet, it was only James and Blake. As they all sat down at the table, Nora was beginning to feel safe – perhaps Lee had decided to stay away, to give her space as he had said. But just as she was thinking that, she looked up and saw him.

Of course the only empty seat at the table was next to her – she had been so anxious and strained she hadn't even noticed if the others had left it there on purpose or if it had been a cruel coincidence. Lee slid into it and smiled down at her.

"Hi Nora. Missed you – are you okay?"

The rest of the table had turned away in conversation with each other, even James, Nora saw with a pang. That was on purpose without a doubt.

"I'm all right, thanks," said Nora.

"Good," said Lee, and nudged her knee under the table.

"James," Nora said, in desperation. "Have you got the results back from your exam last week yet?"

She'd spoken louder than she realized and everyone looked at her. James answered her with his usual friendliness, but she could see he was hiding a smile.

Nora could hardly eat fast enough. She got up before anyone else, mumbling an excuse about her homework.

The next day, Wednesday, she remembered it was James's evening to work in the library. It was a long morning, and after lunch Lee walked her back to her dorm. She told him not to, but he said he was going to walk that way, and she couldn't refuse to walk alongside him, even though she couldn't imagine anywhere Lee would need to go that Pieper would be on the way to. The afternoon was slow – she realized near dinner time that she had gone through her Spanish vocabulary flashcards three times in a row without even looking at them. Something had occurred to her, that she should have remembered earlier – tomorrow she would have to dance with Lee.

She had to talk to James. He might take Lee's side, but if she could get him alone – she trusted him to be honest.

Lee sat next to her at dinner again. He didn't try to touch her this time, but he did insist on asking her about her day, and no matter how shortly Nora answered he would not be put off.

"So what did you do all afternoon?" he asked.

"Tried to study."

"All afternoon? What a day, huh? Which class?"

"Spanish."

"Oh, what lesson are you doing now?"

"Household vocab and the preterit tense."

"El preterito," said Lee in a sing-song, mimicking the way Dr. Wilson always said it.

This did not require an answer. Nora thought James would never get up. He was talking to Jackie in an undertone, so there was no hope of making the conversation general. Beth and Alex were sitting with them tonight (in an on-again phase) but Beth was not going to interfere with Lee, that much was clear.

Finally James started to pick up his tray, and Nora followed suit. "Can I walk over to the library with you, James?" she asked quickly, before Lee could offer to escort her somewhere.

"Sure, let's go," he said, as if he knew and understood.

"So? You've had quite a week, I hear," he said, when they were walking down the classroom building toward the library entrance. "Has it been stressful?"

"Oh James, it's been horrible," she said, tears of relief in her eyes. "It was hard to say no to Lee and now I've got everyone telling me I did the wrong thing, which is even worse. I suppose you think I did the wrong thing, too."

"No, I wouldn't say that," said James.

"Really? You're on my side?"

"I don't think I have to take sides – Lee is my friend too. But if it were necessary, I'd always be on your side, Nora."

"You don't think I should have said yes," she sighed, still disbelieving.

"No, of course not. I'm not in favor of experimental dating. If you don't see it as a real and strong possibility that you could ever care about Lee that way, then you shouldn't say yes. No matter how awkward it is with your friends pressuring you to change you mind."

He put his arm around Nora's shoulders. "Let me check in, Nora – I'm at the reference desk again tonight and if it's not busy we can keep talking."

When he had waved to the head librarian and put on his name tag, Nora leaned on the reference desk, tracing the edge with her fingers.

"I thought for sure you were going to say the same as everyone else – no one can imagine why I could possibly refuse him."

"Like I already said, the fact that you're not in love with him is reason enough for me. I think what everyone else sees is that he could be a really good match for you."

"But you don't think that, do you?"

"Yes, I do, Nora. I'd like to hope that eventually, if you get to know him better, you would see it too. I'm not saying you should change your mind now – I hope I've made that clear enough. But I do hope that some day it will change naturally."

"James – I don't think so. I really don't think I'd be good for him, or he for me. We're too different – our beliefs about everything are polar opposites."

"You have to take into account his background. It's not that your beliefs are polar opposites, the way I see it. It's that you have beliefs, and he doesn't. But that means he's open to anything. That's true for me and Jackie, too."

"I'm not sure I could ever trust a guy who flirts so much."

"He doesn't flirt seriously, Nora. You know that."

"What about Megan and Jess, last semester?"

"I'd say, if there was anything, my sisters got themselves into it. I know Lee probably contributed his share, but we were all going a little wild then anyway. That should be behind us now, don't you think?"

Nora did not think, but it was pointless to argue about it.

"What am I going to do about dance class, though?" she asked instead. "I don't think I can keep going. It would be so awkward for both of us."

"Nora, you can't drop it now – we're already past the drop-add date."

"Maybe it would be worth it – it's only one credit. It wouldn't hurt my grade point average that much. If it wouldn't seem ungrateful to Uncle Bill, after all he's done for me –" But it would be ungrateful, and she knew it. "I guess I don't have a choice, do I? James, what am I going to do?"

"It won't be that bad," James encouraged. "It's a class, so just think about the techniques you're learning. Lee isn't going to pressure you – we've all warned him that he needs patience if he's ever going to succeed with you. So he won't say anything."

Nora grimaced at the thought of everyone discussing her with Lee. She said goodbye to James and thanked him for listening, but as she walked back to her room she thought that after all, James had been more than half discouraging instead of helpful.

Chapter 25

Posted on 2009-09-17

"What are you doing for spring break?" Beth asked one day in March. It had grown unseasonably warm that week, and even though they all knew it would get cold again, and freeze, and snow, everyone's spirits were lifting anyway. Nora and Beth had gone for a walk just because it seemed necessary to be outside. Trickles of melting snow ran down the sidewalks, and Nora had taken off her gloves and hat so she could feel the air, still cold but not as sharp as it had been the week before.

"Go home, I guess," she answered Beth's question. "I haven't thought about it. It's only a week, I don't imagine that Uncle Bill will need me to work."

"Do you want to come back with me? I asked my mom and she'd love to have you come. It's a long drive, but we could watch Austen movies all week –"

"I'd really like to, Beth," Nora said, calculating quickly. Beth had her own car, so she wouldn't have any travel costs, and thanks to working for Uncle Bill at Christmas she had a little spending money for eating out. "I will, if my parents say I can."

That gave her something to look forward to in just a few weeks, and Nora needed something to look forward to. Since Lee had tried to ask her out, she had lost all the comfort of having friends. If they watched a movie, or went out to get ice cream, or went bowling, Lee was right beside her, taking the seat next to her, offering to buy her ice cream, retrieving her ball for her. Not to mention that every Thursday afternoon he got to hold her in his arms for two hours at a time. James was correct in that Lee hadn't actually said anything to her in so many words, but the look he gave her every week as he put his arm around her and took her hand, was almost worse than words would have been.

She had expected him to give up in a few weeks, but he hadn't, a fact which Nora had to admit was in his favor. She had never guessed he had it in him to be so patient, so persevering. It was flattering, if nothing else.

On top of Lee, she couldn't stop thinking about James and Jackie. They had gone out to get coffee at the new little coffeeshop downtown a couple of times. Nora wasn't sure if these counted as dates or not, since they claimed to be just studying together. But they both seemed happy – there had been no return of Jackie's gloom, and James was uniformly cheerful. Jackie had gone with them to Socrates Society every week, too. It was hard to tell if she really liked the meetings for their own sake or not, because she was fully capable of participating in the discussion no matter what the subject. All the pleasure had gone out of the meetings for Nora, but it would look strange if she stopped going, and anyway she wasn't going to retire the field to Jackie. Socrates Society had been hers first and she refused to let Jackie spoil it for her.

The Worths had no objection to Nora spending spring break away, and accordingly the last week in March Nora and Beth left early on Saturday morning for a ten-hour drive north. "The drive gets really old, yeah," said Beth. "Especially when you have to make it at least eight times a year. But we can get together some great car tunes and we'll have lots of time to talk."

They had been singing along to the "My Fair Lady" soundtrack – Beth was a great lover of Broadway – and both belting out "I Could Have Danced All Night" at the top of their lungs between giggles.

"How's it going with Lee now?" Beth asked. "Dancing reminds me."

"I could not have danced all night with him." Nora frowned. "He is a good dancer, but that doesn't make him a good potential boyfriend."

"No one would ever guess you're such a stubborn girl, Nora. WWAS?"

Nora blinked quickly. Anne Elliot had been faithful to her first love all along, and got him in the end, which was more than Nora was likely to do. "Anne would say to be cautious of guys who seem too smooth, I think."

"You don't trust Lee."

"Not one bit."

"But what if he wants to change?"

"Then he'll have to prove it," Nora said.

"By what – how long does he have to wait for you?"

"Are you the Lee Cadwell marketing committee, or what? Please Beth, I've had plenty of bugging about it from other sources. I don't need you to start in too."

"I'm sorry, Nora. I just don't get it. Lee has everything a girl could want."

Nora shook her head. It was only because she was exasperated that she had the guts to ask, "What about Alex? Does he have everything a girl could want?"

Beth made a noise between a laugh and a snort. "I don't know – sometimes I think he's everything I don't want. He's arrogant, he's inconsiderate, he's too sarcastic, and he's not even my type – he's much too thin, and I've always liked muscular men. The problem is I can't seem to see anyone else but him. Even when we break up, I try to consider other guys. I try to find someone else, even if only for comparison's sake. But I can't."

"We have opposite problems, I guess," said Nora. "That's how I feel about Lee, only reversed. I can't imagine seeing him as anything but a casual friend. It just doesn't work, even if I try."

Actually, they had the same problem, if only Beth knew it. For the moment, Nora wished she did. She didn't want to tell her, but she wished Beth knew without having to be told. They were very different in personality, but so alike in that one thing. Anne Elliots, both of them.

"I wish you could room with me," Beth said after a silence. "I know – I shouldn't have said that either. I keep bugging you about everything. But I just get along so well with you."

"I'll think about it, for next year," offered Nora. "I'll see what Jackie is planning on. Maybe she'd like something else too, and just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I could try to hint and see what she says."

Spring break was gorgeous, but it went too quickly. They sat up late watching all five hours of the Pride and Prejudice miniseries, made cookies, took walks through the snow – Beth lived in the country, in a large family. Their house was a continual disaster area, but not in the same way that the Worth house was. They all did things together, even Beth's dad, and the furniture was always being kicked and pushed around, but it was so they could demonstrate fencing in the living room, for instance, or play a giant game of dutch blitz that spread across the entire floor.

And then it was Saturday again, and they had to pack.

"I don't want to go back," Nora said, rolling her socks so they would fit in the small pocket of her duffle bag.

"I'm glad you like it here, but going back isn't that bad, is it?" asked Beth.

"I haven't even thought about Lee once while we've been here," she sighed. She had thought about James and Jackie, but only in passing. Beth's house, hidden back in the woods, seemed a refuge away from the world. She hadn't even checked her email in a week.

Lee was the first person Nora saw when she got back. He was at Pieper helping Jackie carry her suitcases in. The way he looked when he saw Nora, she thought it was probably a good thing he had both arms full. As it was, when she had followed him up to their room and he put Jackie's stuff down by her bed, he put his arm around Nora anyway.

"Hey there! Did you have a good break? Did you miss me? Say you missed me, Nora, come on, a little lie won't hurt you."

"I had a great time," she said, annoyed.

"I missed you, anyway."

"He wouldn't shut up about you, actually," said Jackie from her desk. "I had to email you, I was on orders, and then you didn't email back, you cruel thing."

"Sorry – I didn't really check my email the whole week, actually," said Nora, thankful she had an excuse. "They have dial-up so I didn't want to ask about it, and I wasn't really expecting anyone to email me."

Lee mimed being stabbed in the heart with a theatrical wince. "I have something I wanted to ask you about, actually, but we can talk later. Don't worry, it's business." He winked at Nora as he left.

"I wish you'd be nicer to my brother," said Jackie, in a voice that tried to be joking but wasn't completely. "I'm all for keeping him in suspense a little while; it's probably good for him. But I'm getting tired of his moping."

"Sorry," said Nora again, since she couldn't think of an appropriate response. 'Sorry' wasn't even exactly truthful, but it was the best she could do.

When they reconvened for dinner, James wasn't back yet, and Beth was eating with Alex (on-again) so there was no one to save Nora when Lee pulled her aside afterward.

"We have to talk," he said, drawing her toward one of the window seats in the student union. "I have the coolest plan ever for you."

"Lee, please –"

"No, hear me out. I told you, business. I'm not going to tell you you're breaking my heart, even though you are."

Nora sat down in the window seat, resigned. They were in public, which was a little safer, although she only gave Lee credit for choosing the location to the extent that he probably guessed she would refuse to talk with him somewhere private. But the window seats were built into the brick walls, they were deep and large enough for two and they had a secluded air. To prevent any liberties, she turned sideways, leaning against the brick, and drew her knees up to her chin.

"Okay, I'll listen. What is it?"

"My dad's business is housing investment, you know, right? He renovates old houses and sometimes builds new ones, it just depends on the latest project."

Nora nodded.

"Well, he's got a big project for this summer, maybe bigger than anything he's done before. He's doing a whole block of houses and turning them into condos. I'm going to be working with him on the logistics, project management and that kind of thing. But he's also thinking about hiring an intern who can help him with some marketing – writing press releases and ads and things like that. I thought about you right away – well actually I think about you all the time, but I thought you would be perfect for the job. I told my dad not to hire anyone else until I'd had a chance to talk to you. So – what do you think? You're interested in writing, aren't you?"

"Yes, sort of –" she wasn't sure how Lee knew that, since she'd never mentioned writing to anyone but James. "– but I'm not a marketing person. I don't think I'm qualified to do something like that."

"Oh come on, Nora – it would be a great opportunity for you. You have to try something new once in a while. You could stay with us for the summer, so there would be no expense involved; and my dad would pay you, not a lot, but he can offer a rate that's competitive with any internship."

Stay with Lee for the summer! That decided her. "I'm honored that you asked, I really am. And tell your dad I'm honored he'd even consider me. But I think he'd be better off hiring someone with marketing experience. I'm only a freshman and I wouldn't even know where to start with marketing."

"Oh no –" Lee reached out and put his hand on her knee as she was about to get up. "You can't just dismiss it like that. This isn't because of me, is it?"

It was, of course. She half shook her head, flushed, and looked away.

"Nora, please. My dad isn't expecting someone with experience. Anything would be better than no marketing at all, which is what he has now. He'd consider it a learning opportunity for you, and I know you're talented. You could help him, whether you think you can or not. I told him I have absolute confidence you could do it. And as for me, I'll leave you alone. I promise I will. I'm not going to lie, I would like to have you stay with us for the summer, so we can get to know each other better. But if that's what's holding you back, I swear I won't even try to talk to you unless you speak first. I'm serious – you have to consider this."

She looked back at him. His eyes were on her, of course, with that passion in them that pierced her painfully to the core. "Lee –" she faltered. "I have to think about it." She was so doomed. She already knew no one would back her up on this one either, not even James.

"Okay, Nora, but I have to let my dad know in a few weeks at most, because if you can't do it he has to find someone else." He got up and looked at her again before he left. "Think about it."

Nora sat where he left her, wondering what on earth to do about this. She was thinking about just lying – she couldn't tell anyone what Lee had suggested. If no one could understand why she would refuse to date Lee, they certainly wouldn't comprehend her reasons for not accepting an advantageous offer of employment just because she'd have to live in Lee's house for the summer. Maybe the only way to get out of it would be to wait a week, and then tell Lee her parents said no, or – Uncle Bill needed her, that would work! It wasn't even a lie, not completely. She had more or less committed to work for Uncle Bill this summer, if he had enough work for her. If she didn't tell anyone else, maybe it would blow over.

No – she reminded herself, that was a foolish hope. Lee was not the kind to keep quiet. Jackie probably already knew about his plan. And if Jackie knew, James knew and he might even tell Uncle Bill.

She didn't see anything else to do, however, and it was a valid excuse. That weekend she emailed Lee that she had a previous commitment to Uncle Bill and since he was sponsoring her at college, she couldn't just renege on her promise. It was probably cowardly to email instead of talk to Lee, but she just couldn't face another intense conversation with him while he tried to persuade her against her will without seeming to force her into anything.

Chapter 26

Posted on 2009-09-23

After emailing Lee to refuse the job offer, Nora waited, half expecting a general uproar from all her family and friends.

A few days went by, and Nora began to feel a faint creep of relief. She tried to shake off her worries about Lee and work on her paper for Janssen – her last one had only earned a B minus, and she knew it was because she had been distracted from giving it her full attention.

She was, in fact, in the middle of fine-tuning her final argument, with sources open all around her on the desk and even spread across the bed behind her, when the phone rang that Friday. Phones being almost always for Jackie, Nora hardly even looked up.

"It's for you, Nora," said Jackie, holding out the receiver.

"What? Who is it?" she whispered, shoving books out of the way.

Jackie shrugged.

It was Uncle Bill, in fact. "Hello Nora. How are you doing?"

"Um, fine – I was working on a paper for Dr. Janssen actually."

"Glad to hear it. I'm confident you're doing as well this semester as last."

"I hope so, Uncle Bill – I wouldn't want to waste your gift." Was that all he had called to say?

"I'm actually calling about this summer, Nora."

Oh no.

"I just had a call from Rod Cadwell – your friends Jackie and Lee's dad. Apparently he's offering you a job for this summer?"

"Yes, Lee told me about it," said Nora, bracing for the moment of impact.

"Rod was under the impression that you refused the offer because you felt committed to me, so he called me to see if we could work something out. Of course when I heard what he had in mind for you I told him I wouldn't stand in your way. I do appreciate your loyalty and dependability, Nora, and you did the right thing in referring him to me. And we like having you here – your Aunt Elle will miss you especially. But considering what a good opportunity this is for you, we can certainly do without you."

"Uncle Bill –"

"I hope you realize what a good offer this is – a paid internship is rare enough for someone as young as you are, not to mention that they are giving you free room and board, as a family friend. I was really pleased by Mr. Cadwell's suggestions."

"I can't take it, Uncle Bill," Nora said. Jackie made a noise behind her, and Nora turned around and looked at her. Uncle Bill was talking in a tone of astonishment, repeating something about the generosity of the Cadwells, but she hardly heard him. Jackie finally went out, slamming the door.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your question," said Nora miserably. "I didn't want to talk in front of Jackie, but she's just left."

"I asked you what reason you have for turning down the Cadwells' offer. I'm really surprised that you would say such a thing, but maybe you have a reason I am not aware of."

He waited. Nora, trying not to sniff, plunged in. "For one thing, I know I'm not qualified – I'm only a freshman and I would hate to be responsible for promoting Mr. Cadwell's company when I don't even know where to start."

"He must think you are qualified, or he would not be asking you," said Uncle Bill in a kinder tone.

"I don't know – I'm pretty sure the reason they're asking me is –" she didn't want to tell him the whole stupid story, but it looked like she wasn't going to have a choice. "– it's because Lee likes me. He keeps asking me out. I think he just wants his dad to hire me so he can have me nearby the whole summer."

"Of course who you date is your own business, Nora, but I don't think it's very wise to let personal concerns stand in the way of your professional advancement. Besides, that's not your problem. It's up to Mr. Cadwell to decide how to run his own business, and if he chooses to offer you a job your only responsibility is to perform your duties to the best of your ability. In fact, I raised the point with him myself, and I am satisfied that he is fully aware of what he is doing. That very fact speaks to his generosity."

"I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it, though, because of that and because of Lee –"

"Nora, considering the circumstances of your family I would expect you to jump at an opportunity like this. It's exactly what I could have hoped for in giving you an education at a school like Douglas – connections that will help you become a successful person."

"I can't, Uncle Bill, I can't do it. I'm really sorry –" she couldn't keep the sob from her voice.

"What is wrong with you?" demanded Uncle Bill. "I am extremely disappointed to get such a reaction from you. I can only assume this is based in some kind of fear or misguided sense of humility, but after all I've done for you – after all the Cadwells have done for your brother – it looks really bad. It seems ungrateful."

Nora held the phone away from her face, because she was crying in earnest.

"All right," said Uncle Bill, a little more mildly now that he could no doubt hear her sobbing over the phone. "Obviously I can't force you to accept the job if you feel that strongly about it. I hope you'll reconsider, Nora."

"I'm sorry, Uncle Bill, I'm really sorry. I just can't – please don't think I'm not grateful to you. I owe you everything, it's just that –"

"That's enough," he said, not too harshly. "It was not my intention to be cruel. And of course you're still a part of this family, even though I may be a little disappointed in you – it's not the end of the world. Why don't you take the weekend and think about this. If you change your mind you can email me."

Nora choked out a goodbye and threw herself on her bed, on top of her books and literature notes. It had been worse than she dreaded. Everything he could possibly have said to make her feel terrible, he had said.

To top it all off, while she was still crying on her bed, Jackie came back in and didn't say a word to her.

Nora got an email from Uncle Bill the following week. It wasn't an unkind email and he didn't say a word about the Cadwell's offer. It simply said that he wasn't sure he had enough work to employ her at the office for the first month of the summer at least. There might be some work after that, but it was doubtful. If she planned on going home, she might consider looking for work near her family's house. And he closed by telling her not to worry, he still planned on paying for her next semester's tuition, room and board, and books, exactly as before. Nothing would change that, as long as she kept her grades up and abided by the general rules of behavior at Douglas.

Despite the reassurance of the final paragraph, Nora knew exactly what this email meant. Uncle Bill wanted her to realize that if you turn down good job offers, you can't necessarily count on something else coming up. He wanted her to have to work at McDonald's for a month or so, and come to appreciate what she'd been given. It was a lesson for her. It was probably a well-meant lesson, because as she knew from personal experience, Uncle Bill was really a decent man. He had no way of knowing why she had refused the Cadwells. If it didn't involve his own daughters' misbehavior, she might have tried to explain why she couldn't trust Lee. But as it was, there was no help for it.

Jackie had apparently forgiven her again – just barely. She didn't mention the job offer, but she did talk about Lee.

"You won't shut Lee out forever, will you? I don't want to have to lose you, Nora," she said one day in April. That was a lot more than Jackie usually said about her own feelings, and Nora was affected in spite of herself.

"Oh, Jackie, I don't want to lose you either. I don't want to shut you out and I don't even want to shut Lee out. Jackie, it's just too much. I'd like to – I hate to disappoint people –"

"If I didn't believe you were absolutely sincere about all this, I'd really have to hate you," said Jackie. "I know you mean it, and I told Lee that. It would probably be easier on him if you were just trying to play with him. He'd know how to handle that."

Nora sighed. She just wanted the semester to end. Even if it meant going back home and working fast food – or babysitting. Her mom knew a neighbor who needed a part-time babysitter and it looked like Nora could have the job if she wanted. And she didn't really like babysitting. But it would be better than this.

And given the circumstances, she hadn't asked Jackie about switching roommates. It would be insulting on top of everything else. She didn't even hint. She just signed the paper when Jackie had filled it out. Beth would have to forgive her this time.

James was no help, although to give him credit, he tried to be. As Nora expected, he couldn't understand her really. At least he didn't accuse her of ingratitude. He just thought she was being stubborn, and probably cowardly, although he didn't say so.

"I knew that would be a lot for you to take on," he'd said, in a resigned tone. "Why that offer couldn't have come up next summer, instead – I knew as soon as Lee told me about it that would be difficult for you on top of everything else. I did hope you'd be able to overcome – but no, I'm not going to badger you about it. I told you I'd be on your side, Nora." He hugged her, but that in itself just made her want to cry again.

Finals came, and Tim and Blake's graduation loomed at the end of the week. Nora realized she wasn't the only one suffering when she walked in on Jess in tears one day.

"Jess? What's the matter?" she said hesitantly. She had hoped, after Christmas, that she and Jess might get to be better friends; but the sorority had taken up a lot of Jess's free time and Nora herself had been too distracted to make any overtures.

"What do you think?" sobbed Jess, sarcastic even in tears. "My boyfriend is graduating in a week and I still have three stupid years to go at this damn place."

Nora grabbed the box of kleenex and sat down on the bed. She put her arm across Jess's shoulders – it seemed the thing to do, although neither of them were particularly touchy usually. And she must have been right, because Jess leaned her head on Nora's shoulder after a minute.

"What's Blake doing next year?" asked Nora, when Jess had blown her nose and quieted a little. She felt bad that she didn't know, but she had hardly paid any attention to either Tim or Blake, with her own worries to absorb her.

"He's got a job in his home town," sniffed Jess. "I should be glad – it's a good job, in accounting, but all I can think about is how far away it is. And you know the worst thing, Nora? No one takes it seriously. Megs gets everyone's attention because she does stupid things like get practically engaged at eighteen. Blake and I don't make a fuss about our relationship, so everyone thinks it's just some casual fling and we'll probably break up this summer. I'm not a drama queen, so I must not have any feelings at all."

Nora sympathized more than Jess could know – not with her anger, but with her suffering unacknowledged. She pulled Jess a little closer. "I'm so sorry. I wish there were something good I could say – if it helps, I believe you that it's serious – "

"It's okay, it's nice to finally tell someone how I feel," said Jess, wiping her eyes again and looking a little more like herself. She pulled away from Nora. "Thanks. I mean it."

That was all, but with Jess, it was enough.

"Email me this summer," Nora said. "If you want to, I mean – I'd like it if –"

"Okay, Nora, I will." Jess laughed at her. "You don't have to be so shy about it. We're probably in the same boat, huh?"

Nora flushed. "I don't know – what do you mean?"

"I mean no one gets you either. But hey – I fully support you refusing Lee. I support you refusing the job, when it comes to it. Lee is a jerk and I know that from personal experience. I wouldn't work for his creep of a dad if the salary were a million dollars. And sorry, Nora, but there's no way you're qualified to be a marketing manager as a college freshman – my dad should know that. It's not even remotely appropriate to ask you, and only the Cadwells would get away with it."

Nora was so shocked she didn't know what to say. Why hadn't she thought to talk with Jessie about the situation? – she was the one person who had any chance of understanding Nora's objections, without even having to explain them. Trying to collect her thoughts, Nora blurted what she was thinking. "I wish I'd talked to you before, Jess. I sort of forgot – I mean, that sounds horrible, but I guess I'd got used to thinking I was totally alone in this. I'm sorry – forgive me –"

Jess half-smiled. "Yeah, I know how you feel. It's okay. I did the same thing, right? I never talk to anyone but Blake."

"You can talk to me whenever you need someone," said Nora, remembering that Beth had once said the same to her.

Chapter 27

Posted on 2009-09-29

Home was so exactly the same that it seemed strange to Nora. So much had happened to her – she felt ages older than the girl who had been afraid to go away to college, almost a year ago. But at home, she was back to being Norrie. She set the table, went to bed at ten, and hid in her room when the boys got into fights in the living room.

The one thing she had been looking forward to about being at home was spending a little time with Chris, but that didn't really turn out as she had hoped. Chris was getting ready for graduation himself, and every free minute he took off to work. They had been going to go get hamburgers together the first weekend, but just as they were leaving Chris's new boss called and asked him to come in because they had a new job.

"I can't tell them no, Shortie," he said to Nora, a little sheepishly as if he thought she would be mad. "Rain check?"

"Of course! You have responsibilities, I understand," she said, keeping her voice cheerful. "Have a good day at work! I hope you get to do some fun router things or something."

So far, Chris said, he'd been doing mostly plain measuring and cutting while the other guys did the interesting parts. That was only what he expected, though.

When Chris left, Nora asked Ruth to go get lunch with her instead, but that was not as much fun as she had hoped, either. While she was away Nora had forgotten how Ruthie always fought with Abby, who could not be prevented from sneaking into their room to play with Ruthie's doll collection. Ruth spent most of the lunch complaining about it.

"Mom never does anything! She lets Abby get away with anything she wants, Nora – it's so not fair. You have to say something to Mom now you're home. Make her discipline Abby."

Nora blushed and tried to get Ruth to lower her voice. Everything Ruth said was true, but Nora didn't like airing their family dirty laundry in public. And it certainly wasn't her place to try and correct her mom's parenting techniques.

The second week of vacation Nora started her babysitting job. There were two children, a boy and a girl, and their fights sounded so much like home that it was like the two blended together. Nora was so tired of screaming she felt like screaming herself. There was no one to talk to. No one like Beth to trade Austen in-jokes with; no one like James to talk about religion class with; not even one like Jackie to make her laugh. Nora realized she was really getting desperate when she caught herself thinking wistfully of dancing class.

It must have been the fourth week at home when Nora came home from babysitting one day. Justin was on the computer, and she resisted the urge to use her big-sister authority and kick him off. It wasn't healthy to check her email so much anyway. But she did bring her book into the living room so she could see when he was finished. He was playing a game. Nora sat for what seemed like hours listening to explosion sound effects until Justin finally got frustrated, kicked the desk, and stood up.

She had hardly sat down at the computer desk when Mark came in.

"Norrie! Justin said I could play when he was done!" he complained.

"You can," she said. "Just let me check my email."

"Don't take forever. You check your email for hours."

Nora clicked the dial up button and waited. When her email finally opened, she only had one new message, and it was from Lee. She almost didn't open it, but it had been a long day with the kids and even a flirty email from Lee would be better than no contact at all. At least she could feel like she had adult friends.

From: Cadwell, Lee (lcadwell@douglas.edu)
To: Worth, Nora (nworth@douglas.edu)
Subject: Visit this weekend

Hi Nora,

Good news! Well, for me at least. I'm going to be in your neighborhood this weekend. My dad has a small project in the city and he wants me to stop by the site and see how it's going. If it's okay with your parents, I'd love to come by Saturday afternoon and see you.

You can't refuse me this much, Nora. I'll forgive you for not coming this summer, but you can't stop me from seeing you at all.

Let me know if Saturday is okay.

Lee

When she closed the email from Lee, another new message had popped up. This one was from James.

From: Bayfield, James (jmbayfield@douglas.edu)
To: Worth, Nora (nworth@douglas.edu)
Subject: RE: Summer blues

Nora,

Thanks for your email. I'm sorry the summer is so slow for you. I know it's hard when you get back home at first – it's difficult to adjust when you're used to being surrounded by friends and always having someone to talk to at any hour of the day. You know you can call me if you want to talk, right?

Although, I should warn you I'll be away for the weekend and probably through the middle of next week. I'm going out to visit Jackie and Lee. This could be it, Nora. Think of me – I need to finally have a serious discussion with Jackie. We've had our moments but I need to clarify expectations for our relationship, if we're going to have one at all.

I'll let you know how it goes. Probably Wednesday next week.

Hang in there,

James

Nora wiped her eyes, clicked on Lee's email again, and replied that Saturday would be fine. She paused before she hit 'send'.

"Hey mom?" she called to the kitchen.

"Hmm, sweetie?"

"Is it okay if my friend Lee stops by on Saturday? You know, the one who got the job for Chris?"

"Of course, Norrie. We'd love to meet him."

She sent the email and a minute later her mom called, "Norrie? Do you think he'll be here for dinner?"

Nora cringed. Now that could be disastrous.

Lee knocked on the door promptly after lunch on Saturday. Nora could only be thankful that the dishes had mostly been cleared away, and though the kitchen was a mess, there shouldn't be any reason for him to go in there. It would have been even better if her dad weren't home – he usually had poker night with his friends, but he didn't leave until later.

On the whole, though, her parents were on their best behavior. Her mom was even paying more attention to the conversation than usual. She adored Chris – all her boys were her favorites. And to meet the man who had done something good for her son brought out the best in her. She couldn't be energetic, but she spoke with more precision than usual.

"We're so grateful, Lee," she repeated. "I know it probably seems like nothing to you, since you had the connections, but it was everything to us. Are you sure you don't want anything to drink?"

"No thanks, Mrs. Worth," said Lee. "I just had lunch, so I'm fine."

Nora blessed him inwardly. All the glasses had permanent greasy fingerprints on them, and she knew for a fact they didn't have anything to offer besides off-brand grape soda.

"So tell me about your dad's business," boomed her dad, putting down a newspaper from three days ago, which he was catching up on. Reading the newspaper was his only hobby. "How many people does he employ?"

Nora stiffened again, because her dad had no inner filter and he was perfectly capable of asking questions for hours. But fortunately he stuck to business, and he didn't say anything too embarrassing, other than asking if Mr. Cadwell had any illegal immigrants working for him.

And then Nora's mom interrupted.

"It's such a nice day, isn't it? Why don't you kids go out for a walk or something. Jack, you can find out about the Cadwell's business later. Go on, Nora, hon. Take Lee for a walk down to the park."

"I'll go," said Ruthie, who always wanted in on Nora's activities. "I need a break from practicing."

She could see with a glance at Lee that this wasn't really what he had in mind, but Nora was just as happy to have Ruthie along. In fact, it couldn't have been a better way to pass Lee's visit. Outside she didn't have to worry about what her parents might say or do next, and with Ruthie by her side she wouldn't have Lee coming on to her either.

They went down the street and around the corner to the big old city park. There had once been a playground, although most of the swings had been ripped off their chains. But the trees were still grand and full and a community organization kept the flower beds trimmed.

"What were you practicing," Lee asked Ruthie, apparently resigning himself to having her as chaperone. "You play an instrument?"

"Clarinet," replied Ruthie. "I'm in orchestra and band and I have to practice if I want to keep my place."

"See, my sister plays harp, and I always thought she had it easy, with no other harp players to compete with her."

Ruthie giggled, pleased.

"What grade are you?" Lee asked.

"I'm a junior."

"Are you going to college, do you think?"

"Maybe, if I can get a scholarship."

"You can do it," Lee encouraged. "Maybe even a music scholarship. I know Douglas has those. And if your grades are top-notch..."

Ruthie made a face. "I try. I didn't use to want to go to college, but Nora told me it's worth it, and you learn a lot more than in high school. So I have to pull my grades back up now. I let them go when I didn't really care much."

Lee had turned to look at Nora. "She's right, it is worth it. So how are you surviving the summer? You look a little down."

"Well, you know," Nora said, embarrassed. "It's hard to adjust. Everyone told me it would be. I'm just a little lonely, but other than that I'm fine."

He didn't say anything. She knew he was thinking that she wouldn't have been lonely if she'd accepted his offer, but at least he didn't point it out.

They had walked down the park, and at the end of the path there was a steep hill looking down over the river and the downtown buildings across it. They leaned on the wall at the edge of the bluff and looked in silence, all three of them.

"I love the city," said Lee. "There's so much life down there. If I were a painter, I'd paint that like a mountain landscape, only with buildings instead of rocks."

For a moment, Nora could see it his way. The sun was getting lower in the sky and some of the buildings glowed and shimmered.

"Jackie's really lonely," Lee said after a silence. "She'd love it if you would come visit her, Nora. I'd be away a lot working with my dad, so you wouldn't have to worry about seeing me."

"I don't know," said Nora automatically. "I have my babysitting job..."

"I wish you'd consider it." Lee spoke seriously. "Don't let me ruin your friendship with Jackie. She doesn't have many close friends – she needs you."

Nora was tempted. No one needed her at home, really, not even Ruthie. Much as she loved her sister, she missed having her own room. Nora knew it even though Ruth hadn't said anything.

"And you could use a break yourself," continued Lee. "Don't try to tell me you're happy as you are." He turned to Ruth. "You haven't seen your sister in a while, but you have to agree with me – she looks depressed. If you could see her at school – all her professors love her. She's brilliant. Not all sad and silent like she is now."

Nora was mortified, but Ruth was agreeing, flattered by Lee's attention. Typical. He was winning over one more female. Nora hardened her heart. Jackie had plenty to do – all her emails were full of parties and friends. Lee was just trying to manipulate her.

No one said much on the way back. For all her worry the day before, Lee refused to stay for dinner. He said he was meeting a business contact of his dad's, but Nora thought that might be just a kind excuse to spare her.

"Stay in touch," he said to her at the door. "Email me or Jackie any time you need a friend. I mean that – no strings attached."