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After she parked her car in the visitor's lot in front of the granite building, Elyse smoothed out her dress one more time before proceeding up the polished black marble steps leading to the entrance of her destination.
When Arthur asked as if she could present her proposal at the staff meeting, she was more than surprised. Truth be told, she felt honored that her work warranted such attention. Nonetheless, she could not help feeling the apprehension that usually accompanied such a task although she was by no means a novice. Who was the one first conducted the study and concluded, "The fear of public speaking has been listed as greater than the fear of death?" She certainly did not participate in that study, however, at this moment, she was convinced that she was included in its findings.
"This, too, will soon be over," she tried to console herself. With that thought, she forced herself to remember what was taught at the Public Speaking class and began by taking a few deep breaths. Before she knew it, Arthur was there to greet her.
"Good day, Elyse," Arthur extended his hands and offered a firm handshake. "Thanks for taking the time to come, we really appreciate it."
While he was inquiring about her ride and leading her to the conference room, Elyse surveyed her surroundings. Very much accustomed to seeing cubicles in a workplace, she was surprised to find those offending objects missing here. Instead, spacious offices with translucent glass door lined along the window side of the floor. Soon, a glass display cabinet filled with numerous awards evidently won by the company over the years caught her attention. Noticing her interest, Arthur motioned her to stop and gave a brief history on some of the major ones. As they resumed their pace, Elyse noticed life plants and art objects adorned various open spaces. Reprints of predominately impressionism paintings were also hung aesthetically. Overall, the environment offered a professional yet calming effect. Unknowingly, her frame was relaxed.
They finally reached the conference room at the far end of the floor where several attendees awaited. Recognizing some of them, she greeted them accordingly. A glance at the clock on the wall indicated there was a few minutes to spare. While she retrieved the necessary materials from her briefcase, Arthur began the usual ice-breaking rituals. After a last moment of mental preparation and an encouraging nod from Arthur, she began.
After only a few minutes into the presentation, Elyse was pleasingly surprised to find her audience's familiarity with her report, it contrasted sharply with what she had accustomed to. Nothing could be more frustrating than when the attendees lacked the courtesy to come prepared for a meeting. The professionalism she found in this place was refreshing, not to mention, invigorating. Delighted at this discovery, whatever apprehension she had before completely subsided. She continued the presentation at ease.
For what must have been the millionth times, Darcy asked himself why on Earth did he embark on this ridiculous journey. Having little sleep the previous night, he woke up with such a headache that he was convinced he had completely lost his mind as well. Because at the last minute, his disoriented self dispatched for the corporate jet and now he was on his way to the blasted staff meeting! Knowing only too well that by the time he arrived, he would be uncharacteristically late.
Arthur called last night and informed that Elyse would be presenting the finalized proposal at today's staff meeting. He asked if he would do him the honor of attending the meeting in person. As usual, Arthur put it in such a way that the ultimate decision was his. Darcy could not help groaning at Arthur's tactic, but submitting to the temptation nonetheless.
"This seems very important to Arthur," he deluded himself as he continued his pace, "and I am the other executive officer, therefore, I'm obligated to show up, only if just to show my face."
When Darcy finally reached his destination and seeing the meeting was still in progress, he stopped at the threshold. Trying not to intrude, he decided to lean against the doorframe, half-hidden. Once so deposited himself, he turned his attention to the meeting and, especially, the presenter, who was now soliciting some last-minutes questions from her audience. Everyone was still very much engrossed as none had yet noticed the arrival of the younger executive officer.
Undisturbed, Darcy was able to observe the presenter in full view. As soon as he set his eyes on her, his heart gave such an enormous leap that it was threatened to escape from its chamber entirely. His defense mechanism demanded his eyes shut and head turned the other way. When he felt able to command himself again, he reopened his eyes and resumed his focus on the vision before him.
The room was saturated with sunlight from a late summer day, casting its brilliance on her, or so it seemed. Dressed in a classic navy blue, short-sleeve coatdress, her dark hair, fell way below her shoulders, was much longer than in the image he had held. Her skin radiated a healthy glow and reflected a soft touch of summer. Her eyes were aglow and cheeks were flushed, undoubtedly from the energy and excitement generated from the current activities. Yet, there was something more, something tangible, as if her petite form could not contain the smothering enigma inside. Her presence emanated subtle, yet unmistakable confidence and vivaciousness. Gone were all traces of the forlornness he remembered seeing towards the end of her stay at Ackerley. She conducted the presentation and interacted with the attendees with such poise and ease that he found his breast swelling with admiration of her. Unknowingly, an indistinguishable sigh escaped and a ghost of a smile graced his lips.
While his eyes continued to linger on her person, he was totally oblivious of everything else around him until his mentor's face was just a few inches before him.
"Darcy!" A surprised Arthur repeated his name for the second time before offering a few firm handshakes. "What a surprise! We're just about finished, and I thought we'd a very productive meeting."
When Darcy did not appear at the appointed time, Arthur thought little of it. It would not be the first time he chose to miss a meeting. But, when he did show up -- but late -- it was indeed unprecedented.
By now, the others had gathered around and greeted Darcy with the utmost respect. It was obvious that they looked upon their younger executive with awe, as his sheer presence was enough to command their absolute attention and admiration.
Since her job was done, Elyse began to assemble her materials. Her curiosity willed her to steal a glance at that direction and was shocked at what she saw. Still leaning against the doorframe was a thinner version of the master of Ackerley and Pemberley that she once knew. His newly grown mustache and beard, although tastefully crafted, gave off an unfamiliar sardonic air. He was dressed in a business outfit with quiet elegance -- dark gray suit, white oxford shirt, and an equally dark gray tie with indiscernible ruby red speckles. Other than at Charlotte's engagement party, she had never seen him dressed this formally. At this moment, the reality that he was indeed an executive officer suddenly dawned on her.
When her eyes touched his, she saw the familiar intensity. Yet, she thought she also saw black flame dancing in those mysterious orbs. No one had ever looked at her this way before. Involuntarily, a shiver went up her spine. Surprised, she could only attribute to the long absence from the man and her reaction to his new appearance. She must learn to will herself at his presence all over again. Trying to dispel the lingering discomfit, she resumed her task at hand. It did not take long. By the time she was done, the initial commotion had subsided. Feeling the civility that was required and remembering what Arthur had said about Darcy's recent illness, she walked towards him.
"Hello, Darcy," with a polite smile, she began, "it's good to see you again, I hope all's well with you?"
Even when he was exchanging the usual greetings with his staff, Darcy felt helpless in tearing his eyes away from her. Instead of being less than what his memory had conjured up during the many months of absence, she was more. She was still all he could want, now even more than before. Regardless of how he had tried, and how the boundary of time, place, and distance had separated them, in many ways, she had never left him as she continued to live in his body and soul.
While these words ran through him, he was thankful for the doorframe, for the initial gush of emotions had not ceased but continued to swirl within him, and he had to summon all his strength to keep himself collected, at least on the outside. And, when her eyes directed at him in such a way, it only served to reduce his faculties further. While he tried futilely to compose a response, all sounds in the room came to a halt.
Finally, with a constrained voice, he broke the silence by giving what seemed like a trivial response.
"Yes, I'm quite well, thank you, and your family's in good health?"
"Yes, they're all well, thank you," she answered politely in return. Then remembering the recent activity, she continued. "As Arthur had just mentioned, the presentation just ended. I must say that it has been a pleasure." She turned to her audience and smiled appreciatively.
"Elyse," Arthur suggested, "since Darcy missed the presentation, I would really appreciate it if you can give him a quick review. How about it, Darcy?"
Upon hearing this, Elyse felt the apprehension that had left her earlier returned in some measure. She was thankful for the kind audience earlier, and was relieved that the ordeal was finally over. But this? Knowing what she knew about Darcy, and the foreign emotions he had ignited in her earlier, this would be inconceivable! Besides, even when she lived under his roof, she never had much conversation with him. She must come up with an excuse. Before Darcy could respond, an idea came to her as she looked mischievously at the man to her right.
"Actually," she began delightfully after identifying her victim, "allow me to suggest that Steve would be more suitable for that. Your team has provided additional insights during the presentation, and I believe he would do more justice to the proposal." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Everyone then turned to the object of Elyse's recommendation. Steve Remington, in charge of system infrastructure, was the key staff member working with Elyse on the project so far. About thirty years old with dark blond wavy hair, he was dangerously handsome. He possessed a confident air and easy, almost dandy manner, and only the earnestness well hidden in his piercing, dark blue eyes suggested that he could be serious if he wished to.
"Elyse," Steve drawled, "don't try to get away from this by complimenting me, because -- that -- will not do."
Elyse burst out laughing, she could not help it, it was really difficult to keep a straight face when she was around him. Working with him for the past few weeks, she came to know him quite well. Although he acted playful and superficial, she came to understand that he was only using it as a shield to hide his true self.
By now, the riot of emotions inside Darcy finally receded. He watched the exchange in astonishment. The Steve he knew was aggressive and thrived on being in the spotlight. Yet, he was deferring this opportunity to someone he hardly knew and with such good humor! What had she done to the man? He closed his eyes again and rubbed against his temples with his fingers several times before he offered.
"Arthur, as long as you are on top of this, I'm fine with it."
He withdrew from his retreat and walked inside the room as he spoke, while trying to direct his gaze at any other object except her. Nonetheless, as he reached the center of the room, he found himself immediately submerged in the special fragrance she wore, and he was again helpless in freeing himself from it.
"Darcy, please," Arthur would not budge, "it'll take only a few minutes, and Elyse, I'd be very much obliged."
Steve was now visibly in glee and looked at Elyse with such knowing expressions that Elyse had to send him combating messages with her eyes. The former responded by holding up his hands in mock defense.
Resigned to any further struggle and attempting to maintain her professionalism, Elyse responded to Arthur by saying, "sure, if you so insisted." Turning towards Darcy, she offered, "how does the rest of your schedule look today? Perhaps I could stop by in a few minutes?"
Looking longingly at her lovely face, he could not deny her anything. With a half-strangled tone, he replied, "certainly, come by my office in half an hour."
Gazing at the magnificent view through the spacious windows in his office, Darcy stood with the entrance facing his back. Like a granite statue, he stood as erect as he could summon. He was thus remained until two knocks were heard on the door that he had left open. As soon as he turned around, he came face to face again with the one person in the world he did not know what to do with. Indifference, the strategy that had stood the test of time, must be in full force now.
"I'm very much appreciate for your trouble," he began with perfect composure. "I should have arrived earlier in time to save you this trouble."
Elyse walked in, unconsciously closing the door behind her before she replied. "It's not much trouble, really."
She then scanned the office trying to find the best seat conductive for this extra presentation. By now, she had rallied herself enough for this not-so-favorable encounter.
Intuitively, he pulled a chair next to his and motioned her there. After putting her laptop and the can of seltzer water on his desk, she took the seat offered. They were now sitting side by side, maintaining only the standard social distance. Briskly, she brought up the presentation slides and report. Once she had the materials ready, she proceeded to repeat the same performance with as much ease as she could summon, while occasionally picking up the can of seltzer and sipping from it. As each major section, she paused for her listener and asked for any questions or comments.
Darcy had never met Elyse under this circumstance, in fact, he had never dreamed that he would ever deal with her on a professional level such as this. As she continued with her task, he marveled at her mode of execution. Unlike most professionals who were trained specifically for the task, her delivery was simplistic, true, unpretentious, yet convincing.
Watching her in such a close proximity was a feat in itself. Her charms, so overwhelmed him from afar before, only increased by ten-folds. He could not stop his eyes from devouring all her loveliness. He could smell the heady scent that was already familiar to his senses as uniquely her. He caught himself trembling and holding his breath as he watched her sipping from the can -- from the moment she placed her soft lips on the can, sipping from it, and then swallowing it down her smooth throat. It was especially during these moments that he found himself drifting away from the topic at hand.
When he realized what he was doing, he was aghast and disgusted with himself. For what had he told himself time after time! And he thought he had finally succeeded after that near fatal illness! He had managed to put away the frame and the tapestry -- all reminders of her -- only to declare totally futile whenever their paths crossed again. Suddenly, he was frustrated with himself at this evidence of his weakness. Consequently, his eyes turned frigid and his lips thinned with abhorrence.
When Elyse was finally finished and turned to her listener, she was taken aback by the vision she beheld. In an attempt to assess the situation more objectively, she took another sip from the can, concentrating on the path traversed by the liquid down her throat. After about a minute, she concluded that she must have gone beyond this man's forbearance. To begin with, Arthur sort of forced this on him, and out of politeness, she assumed that he had to let her ramble on. Yes, that must be it. What other reason could it be? The poor man! She regretted being the source of his annoyance. She sighed inwardly but satisfied with her reasoning nonetheless. With that, she got up from her seat before beginning to collect her materials.
"That's about it, Darcy," she continued packing as she spoke. "Thanks for your time, and this concludes my service with your company. I must say that it has been a pleasure working with your team." She then extended her hand for a final business handshake.
Standing behind his desk while facing her, he took the hand offered and felt himself trembled at the touch, only to release it a little sooner than customary. Without another parting look, she opened the door and walked out of his office.
As soon as he released her hand, he turned to face the windows again. He could not bring himself to watch her retreating figure and resolved not to contemplate the days to come.
* Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
Author's Notes (please archive): I hope this chapter answers the other 'WHEN' question that you've been so patiently waiting for. Happy Holidays! And...
May the gifts we give this Holiday Season
Be those of love and understanding,
And may the gift that we receive
Be that of universal peace.
After Elyse's consultation service was completed, Arthur followed her suggestion by sending pertinent sections of the proposal to several major clients for review. There was no doubt in his mind that it was promising, nevertheless, even as seasoned as he was, he was unprepared for the overwhelmingly positive response. It was so far beyond his expectation that he was absolutely stunned.
As it turned out, not only were the clients excited about the prospect, they also provided much invaluable insight. Arthur came to realize that getting the clients involved at this jointure was the best strategy yet. Why wouldn't it be? The encouraging responses substantiated it. Besides, being allowed to play an active role in the business venture, the clients felt that their voices were heard and their opinions valued. With such agreeable experience on the onset, it could only serve to lay the foundation for future initiatives.
Naturally, this only prompted him to re-enlist Elyse. Only this time, her involvement would be more substantial. This was expected not only because the next phase of the project usually required more detail analysis, its scope had also been expanded. The latter was in part due to the clients' additional input, but more importantly, its relevancy to the company's strategic direction.
Elyse was surprised beyond measure. Never in her life had she imagined she could command such a reception. This contrasted so sharply with what she perceived herself. Since the divorce, she had moved on the best she could, and one may even consider it tolerably well. Yet, she was keenly aware of the irreversible blow brought on by that part of her life.
The many years of marriage to Glen had stifled her, tuning off much of the liveliness and confidence. Never was that naïve into believing perfect marriages, she had worked hard on hers. Later, with Aaron and Aster, it was her priority to cultivate a loving family environment. If Glen's behaviors towards her were any indication, her effort was futile. Even so, she persevered. But, then came his betrayal. Like a monument where epitaphs of broken trust and commitment hung, it served as a constant reminder of that chapter in her life, leaving her little faith in the matter of the hearts.
The damage was done. It was not something one could shake off overnight and its residual effect continued to linger. Even now, when occasionally caught off guard, she would find herself sinking into helpless depression. And when confronted with a trying situation, more often than not, her initial reaction would be self-doubt. Only when she summoned all her strength could she convince herself otherwise. It was by no means an easy battle.
Fortunately, since that leaf had turned, and the offending agent removed, like a plant that was once deprived of sun and rain, she was given a chance for a new life. Focusing on her goals and family, she had succeeded, albeit slowly, in restoring to her true self. The process was gradual, and it was so subtle that she was not even aware of it. The special project she had just completed for Arthur was a true testimony of the culmination of her character and strength. Finally, she was able to prove to herself that amidst all adversities, she was capable of great things.
Everyone in the family continued to benefit from the extra activities she had arranged. Through regular exercises and excursions, their physiques were tuned and health improved. With higher endurance and energy level, they became more resilient and less susceptible to emotional strain and physical ailment. They could now focus more readily on the positive things in life. Aaron continued to excel in school and extracurricular activities. Aster became more interactive and spontaneous.
Her thought returned to Arthur's offer. She was overwhelmed by his generosity and could not help feeling gratified. Yet, she was more concerned with its impact on her already saturated schedule and she voiced that concern. To her relief, Arthur was very accommodating. He made the assignment a joint effort, with Steve working closely and additional help when necessary. Finally, he promised a schedule that would be acceptable to all.
Truth be told, amidst the obvious demands, she relished this new challenge. It would offer new experience and career growth that she would not have otherwise. Moreover, the extra income would be a welcome supplement to her meager income. As she reflected on what she had accomplished and looked forwards to what was yet to come, her father's sage words echoed in her mind:
"Blast with Arthur's intervention!" Darcy said under his breath one late afternoon in his study.
As usual, he followed the footsteps of autumn and returned to Ackerley. Continuing with the same frame of mind, he muttered to himself, "this is detestable!" He fingered his already disheveled hair while image of that maddening woman continued to intrude.
He could not say he was surprised since he was partially responsible for the troubling prospect; not that Arthur really needed his seal of approval in this matter. Still, the news that Arthur had re-enlisted Elyse had discomforted him ever since. What made it more disturbing was, as suspected, her project would intertwine with some of the major improvement plans he had devised over the summer. As its scope was becoming more encompassing, Arthur had requested him to be an integral part of the team. And that would only mean....
"Arrgh.....!" In frustration, he slammed his hand on the desk, pushing away from it and leapt to his feet. He proceeded to walk agitatedly while his thoughts remained on the same path it had begun.
Certainly, it would be within his power to avoid seeing her entirely. But, in his heart, he knew only too well that he did not wish to. As soon as she came into view, he was hopelessly lost. Until he saw her again that day, he wondered how he had survived so long without seeing her all these months. Of this, he was certain: to be near her was divine and exhilarating, more than anything he had ever known. He still burnt for her. Her memory just would not let him go. His life, once he thought quite fulfilling, had taken onto different meanings because of her. He did not need the familiar pang in his heart to remind him that without her, he was just an empty, sterile space. But, against all odds, what was he supposed to do?
Thankfully, his agony was temporarily relieved by the succession of quick steps coming his way. "Darcy, it's time for dinner!" Geoffrey announced.
Darcy turned to face the youngster, who evidently already had his shares of sampling as some unidentified crumbs and sauces were quite noticeable on his lips. This was indeed a welcome relief! A grin began to spread on his face as he ran his fingers through the youngster's hair.
"Mind your manners, Geoff! You're supposed to wait until everyone's ready!" He mocked affectionately. Together they walked downstairs and into the dining area where Clarke already had everything ready.
Alex was away for the week, attending a national conference in Houston. Geoffrey was staying with Darcy, an arrangement that everyone enjoyed. Clarke was just as glad to see the little boy, who never ceased to amuse and always managed to liven up the great house. For in spite of its quiet elegance, Ackerley could use a little liveliness. Other than visits from the master's family and friends, the house was generally sedate. If only the master would get married...
Unbidden, his thoughts turned to Elyse, and unknowingly, a sigh escaped. He was more than a little disappointed that they did not maintain the same level of friendship as before. She had added much joy to his life and Ackerley. For sure, they talked from time to time, but that was not the same. Since she left, he thought it odd that Darcy had never mentioned her name voluntarily. It was even more so when he ordered her room locked up, and it had been ever since. He wondered why but it was not his place to question his master's decision.
Something about Darcy's mood also caught his attention. Understandingly, he had always been reserved and private, but he had never left anyone any double that he was always full of spirit and inner drive. Nevertheless, lately, -- actually, for quite some time now, Clarke did not exactly remember when -- a sense of melancholic restlessness lingered around him. Often, he had observed him staring into nothingness with an inexplicable expression in his eyes. He seemed more secluded that ever, spending more time at solitary walk and at the piano. And, more often than not, the music selections had such haunting, longing themes that whenever the melodies drifted to his quarter, he often wondered whether they reflected his master's state. He could only attribute it to the recent grave illness and its lingering effect.
Clarke's reverie was interrupted by the conversation at the table.
"Geoffrey," asked Darcy, "what would you like to do this weekend? You've been thinking about seeing Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf. It's still playing at Symphony Hall, would you like to go?"
"Yes, very much so," replied Geoffrey between mouthfuls, "except Aaron and Aster can't come along, and I really want them to." He sounded disappointed.
"Oh...why not?" Those names were mentioned from time to time but Darcy did not want to dwell on them. Still, he was curious.
"I've been e-mailing Aaron. But whenever I asked him about this, he said he and Aster can't make it." Geoffrey pouted as he continued. "I got really mad at him the other day. Then he finally said they have to stay at their father's this weekend."
Darcy was just taking a sip and he almost choked. Astonished, he forced himself to swallow the content before he uttered.
"At their father's?!" He repeated, suddenly feeling his trachea a little too restrictive.
"Yes, Aaron said that's the arrangement since their parents' divorce... " Geoffrey continued to reveal, completely oblivious of its effect on his audience. "They usually stay over there on alternate weekends."
"Divorce?!" Astounded, Darcy repeated hoarsely, incapable of anything else, the rest of Geoffrey's words unregistered.
One could imagine the gravity of this revelation, especially from the lips of an innocent child. What a revelation!
While this profound revelation continued to unfold, Clarke was no less surprised upon hearing it. His curiosity only heightened by his master's openly odd behavior. He resorted to watch and listen with caution.
By now, Darcy had stopped all pretense of continuing with the meal. He must do something to attend to this unexpected dynamite before it exploded! He must to do something! Anything!
Abruptly, he got up and walked towards the windows with his back facing the two, disregarding the perplexed expression on their faces, nor did he care to give a thought to how uncharacteristic it was. There he stood, willing the newfound revelation to sink in, while controlling the concoction of turbulent emotions raging through his body and soul.
She's divorced? She's divorced! Oh, oh, oh! Dear Heaven! How should I feel? What should I do?
Other than his agitated mind, all other faculties left him while what seemed like a million possibilities racing through him. Totally perturbed, nothing, nothing, could even begin to describe how he felt! The need to be alone was the first urgent calling. And alone he must if he were ever to decipher his feelings and actions stemming from this sudden gush of revelation. Once so decided, pleading a headache, he excused himself and returned to the study.
After settling Geoffrey in for the night, Darcy returned to his room. The solitude he had demanded at the aborted dinner and subsequently spent at the study did not provide any satisfactory resolution. Now that he was alone at last again, and this time, free from any interruption, his being demanded him to continue with that daunting task.
While offering his body the most comfortable position in his bed, he continued to analyze his feelings and reactions brought upon by the extraordinary event revealed earlier that evening.
She is divorced! And for a while now! Why am I not aware of until now?
Upon reflection, when that Bear-Gram was not signed by the family name, he should have noticed something was amiss. Thinking back, he remembered she had hardly mentioned her husband. He could not help thinking that perhaps the discourse had begun even then. How he wished he had known about it then!
In their entire acquaintance, he had never sought her out. How could he? It had been a losing battle since he gave her that second look. Besides, no matter how much he had desired it, at the time, any revelation of his feelings or encouragement from him would be dishonorable. He shifted in his bed while more questions raging through his mind.
How should I feel? What should I do now? With the forbidden barrier removed, should I consider pursuing what my heart has wanted all along? How should I go about doing it?
As he had always been the one being pursued, becoming the pursuer instead would be a path never traveled. Besides, it had been ages since he contemplated matters such as these. Amidst the wild and mixed emotions that continued to churn within, he just realized that he had yet to acknowledge the sense of relief that he had always thought unthinkable.
She is free!
He decided to indulge in that sensation to the fullest, savoring every bit of its pleasurable affect. Like a balm, the sensation left him feeling happy -- giddily happy! For the first time since his heart had consigned to her, this development gave him hope!
Nevertheless, his concern of her rose above his desires. He imagined that a divorce under even the most amiable condition would be traumatic, especially when it involved children. He wondered what happened in her case.
Will she love again? Will she let another to love her again? What does she think of me? Is she seeing anyone?
The last question panicked and unsettled him so much that he could not bear to know its answer. Trying to calm himself, he clenched and unclenched his fists and took a few deep breaths before resuming his thoughts. Reluctantly, he had to admit that the answers to these questions were not his to provide. He could only hope.
Finally, feeling his emotions and thoughts were somewhat under control, he began to contemplate the days to come. He rearranged his limbs before continuing. He must think of ways to reach her! He did not yet know how, but he knew he had to be extra careful, as regardless of the circumstance of the divorce, she must have gone through tremendous pain. How often had he noticed the sadness in her eyes when she was still here?
Suddenly, the possibilities that would inevitably come with Arthur's offer struck him. That may turn out to be a blessing instead! Yes, that would be a start! He would get more involved with the project. With great energy, he leapt out of the bed.
"So, I should bless Arthur for his invention after all!" He rejoiced. Then, just as quickly, a terrifying unknown threatened to reduce the newfound energy to nil, causing him to halt on his track. "What if she refuses Arthur's offer?"
Shaking his head, he summoned that glimmer of hope to quench the negative thought. He reaffirmed himself that at least from now on, there was hope. If necessary, at least it would be within his power to persuade her into accepting the offer. He was somewhat comforted at that thought. Relieved to be able to find a starting point for this unknown yet exhilarating journey, he let exhaustion claim him. That night, he slept like he never did in a long, long time.
In his dream, he danced with her alone in the fields of Ackerley. As her beautiful eyes gazed into his lovingly, he saw all the answers in them that he had longed for. He was helplessly, hopelessly, and breathlessly lost in her eyes and the Heaven they promised. Gone was the melancholy desire that was once so incessant in his heart. Instead, that sanctuary was cherished, bursting with hope, and a clear promise of something eternal.
I get lost in your eyes
And I feel my spirits rise
And soar like the wind
Is it love that I am in?I get weak in a glance
Isn't that what's called romance?
And now I know
'Cause when I'm lost I can't let goI don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for
You can take me to the skies
It's like being lost in heaven
When I'm lost in your eyesI just felt, don't know why
Something's there we can't deny
And when I first knew
Was when I first looked at youAnd if I can't find my way
If salvation seems worlds away
Oh, I'll be found
When I am lost in your eyes **
* Ralph Waldo Emerson** Lost in Your Eyes (Debbie Gibson)
As the last note of Beethoven's Fifth ended, Elyse lay down the document she had been laboring for the past two weeks. She got up from the kitchen table and gave her body a much-needed stretch before setting the kettle on the stove. Minutes later, she rewarded herself with a cup of peppermint tea. She inhaled the invigorating aroma before sipping it slowly, savoring its effect coursing through her body.
It was then when she finally glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was almost two o'clock in the morning! She sighed, realizing that lately this had been becoming more a norm than an anomaly. Her body demanded her to retire for the night but her mind urged her to unwind first. But as it had happened often, her mind won. She put on Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 21. Soon, the exquisite, familiar melody began to fill the silence of the night. As the fatigue began to drain away, she unleashed her mind.
Another school year was in full swing. After much consideration and Arthur's persuasion, she resumed the consultation service. As expected, juggling two jobs in addition to caring for Aaron and Aster and her study was becoming a little overwhelming. She tried to accomplish as much as possible during the late night hours. However, as the project began involving several major clients, there were times she felt more effective to be at the premise. Inevitably, she dug into the days allotted from her regular employer. Fortunately, given her tenure, a generous amount was available.
The experience from this assignment continued to thrill her. It provided a respite from her regular occupation. By no means did she loathe that, it was just getting a little mundane. But having a long tenure in a company had its advantages. She had earned her reputation, feeling little pressure to prove herself. Its steadiness and predictability had served her well over the years, especially during turbulent time. Moreover, it had been providing a source of steady income, a livelihood for her family. While satisfied with the security that her job provided, her keen mind and constant strive for learning never ceased to push herself a little further, demanding more of herself.
So Arthur's offer was indeed a welcome relief. It satisfied that extra edge that she subconsciously craved. Working in a project with high visibility, she was inevitably thrown into many circles. Certainly, the previous endeavor had given her a very favorable exposure, but it was her diligence and her innate desire to pursue quality and excellence that had eventually secured the respect she gained. It was not long before she was accepted openly in the new environment. And the feeling was mutual. From the very beginning, she had taken an immediate liking of the place, finding in it a peculiar sense of belonging. As time went on, her fondness of it only increased.
However, life had taught her to be pragmatic. Rewarding as it may be, still, this opportunity was only fleeting. She did not want to expect too much, nor would she dwell on any sensibility it may invoke. Therefore, for all things work-related, she had resolved to focus on her performance, while maintaining a professional, impassive attitude.
"Elyse," waved Steve upon seeing her in his office, "I'll be there in just a few minutes."
Since her visit was periodic, Elyse usually dropped by Steve's spacious office, which he graciously allowed her to use freely. Their meeting today entailed a review of what they had completed so far before presenting it at the staff meeting next week.
Because of the project, Elyse and Steve had become well acquainted. Although he let on more flippantly than he really was, his easygoing attitude always infused vigor and lightness in the workplace. With his dangerously good looks and engaging manners, it was not surprising that women were attracted to him. Elyse usually watched with amusement, especially knowing that underneath that façade, he was actually unaffected. While not getting involved with anyone at work was his motto, his interests elsewhere had earned him certain reputation, of which he neither admitted nor denied. He liked to maintain his nonchalant façade.
As promised, Steve returned in due time, fully ready for the task at hand. Knowing that they would be in it for a while once they began, Elyse decided to begin on a light note.
"So, how was your weekend? Or rather, who was it this weekend?" She asked in mocked anticipation.
"Actually, I was visiting some friends this weekend," he retorted, "and no, there's no one, sorry to disappoint."
"Friends, you say?" She raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "And... no one? As far as I remember, there's always someone. This is indeed quite extraordinary!"
"Well," he acted hurt, "you'll have to blame Arthur for that, since he asked me to get more involved with you, on this project, that is."
"I'm afraid so, hope your friends don't mind," she smiled archly, "but I thought you can multi-task? No?"
He gasped at her remark. Incapable of an immediate rebuke, he groaned and rewarded her with a hard stare. This was more than enough to send her into a peal of laughter.
"Let's get on with it, minx!" he demanded after regaining his speech.
Not long into the pages before him, Steve's mind drifted to a secluded space in his mind while cautiously observing the consultant sitting beside him.
As a man of the world, he could say that he knew enough women to see that she was different from most. While watching her reviewing the topic in earnest, he had to admit there was little he could add to her excellent work. Although her knowledge in the subject had already met with much acclaim, she was never conceited. On the contrary, she was humble and always eager to learn. She expressed the desire to know more about this business sector, claiming that it was so different from the one she was accustomed to. He still remembered how she had amazed him during their early acquaintance; he had marveled at her ease in grasping the company's fundamental principle of operation and strategy.
As he continued to observe, he also had to admit that while her intelligence and perceptive mind was evident, her other charms could not be ignored. Because of his experience, he had come to view women with weary, skeptical eyes, finding too few to his genuine liking. To his chagrin, he had often found himself the recipient of abundant attentions. Initially, he was flattered, and he even indulged in some superficial dalliances from time to time. After all, he was unattached, not to mention being young and vibrant. However, he had matured with the passing of time. It had been many years since he knew in his heart that such tangential dealings had never earned his regard. He had since determined that his devotions, once bestowed, would be complete. And if a woman could affect him to do so, he imagined his life would be complete as well.
He found his gaze sweeping through his companion. By no means, she was a raving beauty. Nonetheless, she was quite captivating. And in more ways than he could count, she was far more enigmatic than those worldly beauties. Moreover, like a hidden treasure, the discoveries he found in her seemed boundless. He did not remember how often he had stumbled upon such discoveries, and how they had often left him a tingling feeling that he could not account for. When he learned about the divorce, he wondered why any man would let her slipped away. That thought unsettled him, yet he was very curious. By now, he was oblivious of the fact that he had been staring at the woman beside him all this time.
Such state of reverie was Steve in when Darcy walked by. It was all too plain to see where Steve's attention lay. He could not help himself from frowning because he knew him well enough to be alarmed.
Don't even think about it! He gritted his teeth and cursed in silence. Unable to bring himself to continue watching, he shut the scene behind his closed eyes while concentrating on the familiar path towards his office.
After forcing down the unpleasant feelings with no little effort, he sat at his desk and sighed loudly. As if lost in a forest, he could not seem to find a probable path to his heart's desire. Since that fateful day when the extraordinary revelation was pronounced, he remembered how he had resolved to pursue this path. Although he had identified a probable starting point, where would he go from here? Perhaps he was overreacting, but he did not like what he just saw. It seemed as if obstacles were already planted before he had even begun. What could be some inconspicuous ways to bring her closer to him? He drummed his fingers on the desk while looking out the windows in frustration.
As he thus muttered, an idea daunted on him. Some of the clients preferred to discuss the operation plan face-to-face. Perhaps he could arrange for a few business trips for that purpose? Quickly, he looked through the calendar. As if Heaven had finally looked upon him favorably, a new business venture was about to kick off in London. Grinning and with renewed energy, he proceeded to work on his goal.
Before Elyse left for the day, Darcy called her to his office. Surprised, she wondered if he had found something lacking in her work. At the appointed time, she entered his office with apprehension.
"Yes, Darcy," she began, "what can I do for you?"
He was expecting her, but when she was finally here, all he could do was stare. He had always wondered how she managed the knack of reducing him to speechlessness every time just by her mere presence.
Receiving no response, her apprehension only increased, although she did not show it. Somehow, the foreign emotions that he had ignited in her at the reunion after the long absence returned in full measure. As if beckoned by the disquieting silence and the confined space, she began a cautious study of the imposing man before her, and in a way as if she was seeing him for the first time.
He was still the handsomest man she had ever seen. Intrinsic as it may be, his magnetism demanded one to be cognizant beyond the obvious. Although reserved and discernible, his presence pronounced elegance, magnificence, intelligence, honor, and power. His dark gray eyes, mysterious and bottomless, never ceased to mesmerize. Still curious about what could be hidden there, she found herself gazing into them again.
It was almost instantaneous when she regretted doing it. Because, not much to her comfort, she could sense something inside, ready to be unleashed. But the power enumerating from the owner seemed to pronounce that such could only be at his command. For some odd reason, she was suddenly afraid of what that 'something' might be. She shifted slightly in her chair, admonishing herself for having such rampant imaginations. Get a hold of yourself! As still waiting for a response and deciding to counter her divergent thought, she maintained her gaze and lifted her eyebrows with unmistakable, provoking air.
He was fully aware of her scrutiny. However, under her gaze, he found himself again reducing to pulp. He had to tear away before collecting himself enough for a response.
"Our clients in London would like to meet with us to review a few key things. As it's a new venture, I think it's perfect timing to review your proposal with them. What's your schedule like in the next few weeks?" His tone left no room for negotiation.
Her eyes widened at his request. It would be next to impossible for her to travel out of the country. What about Aaron and Aster? Besides, who am I but a lowly part-time consultant? Is my presence really required?
"As you know," she offered, after questioning herself silently, "Steve has been a major contributor to the second phase of the project. I feel that perhaps his attendance would be more valuable. Besides, he's the employee after all."
"It's your original proposal that the clients have reviewed," undaunted, he countered, "and they've come to know you quite well. It'd make more business sense, both from the standpoints of client rapport and project continuity. You should be there." He put in.
Feeling that an honest approach was needed now, she tried again. "My family obligation precludes traveling, and Arthur did not include that requirement in the contract." She looked at him defiantly.
Exasperated, he could only end this conversation by saying, "let me check with Arthur and we'll get back to you."
As it turned out, Arthur concurred with Darcy, especially recalling how these particular clients had praised Elyse repeatedly and wished very much to meet her. As a seasoned executive, he knew that certain business details could only be achieved face-to-face. Technology was yet to replace the assurance, confidence, and all those subtleties that only human interaction could provide.
Knowing this would be an impediment to her family, Arthur offered Elyse a very generous compensation. Nevertheless, even under the inducement, she would not waver. Arthur and Darcy resorted to review the schedule and suggested a few possible dates, hoping that she would find one acceptable. After much effort, they finally agreed on a two-day trip, and with minimal impact to her schedule.
It was at a time like this that Elyse felt fortunate of having the Bailey's as neighbors. Delighted with each other at the very beginning, the two families had only become fonder of each other since then. They had worked out an agreeable arrangement where Aaron and Aster would stay with the elder couple after school. And there they would remain until Elyse came for them. The couple provided a nurturing environment. Katherine, being a retired teacher, was always ready to help with schoolwork. Because of this sense of comfort, Elyse decided Aaron and Aster would stay with them while she was away.
By the end of the trip, the trio was completely exhausted. But their contentment far outweighed their fatigue as they had accomplished everything as planned. The clients were thrilled with Elyse and pleaded for her speedy return. Arthur and Darcy had to admit that Elyse's presence expedited the successful handshake of the deal, and they made every effort to let her know that.
In the company they formed, Darcy was usually responsible for new ventures and the overall strategic directions, leaving Arthur to manage the day-to-day operation. Ever since the illness, however, Arthur tried to alleviate some of Darcy's workload, and therefore, decided to come along this time. But there was a more compelling reason for him to do so. In her proposal, Elyse suggested that by merging the common aspects of both the long and short-term strategies, more synergy would result. Arthur and Darcy were quick to recognize that. Darcy integrated her ideas into his vision, and the final result, a new operation model, would be used for this new venture from the onset. It was only natural that Arthur came along.
Since Pemberley was only a few hours away, and for reasons only known to him, Darcy invited his companions for a visit and stay for the night. This would also mean extending the trip by another day.
Not surprisingly, Elyse hesitated. She was counting on returning home as soon as the business was concluded. However, at the insistence of the two, she relented and proceeded to notify the Bailey's about the delay. Upon hearing that nothing was amiss during her absence, her mind was much more at ease. She felt more receptive to the unplanned excursion.
With all its grandeur, Pemberley was truly a sight beyond words. Although the season was different then, the magnificent estate looked very much the same the last time she was there so long ago. As she gazed into the picturesque view in absolute silence, an inner whisper willed her to look to the sky above. Enraptured by its infiniteness and the true feelings it invoked, she said a small prayer of thanks -- thankful for being given a chance for a new life, and having survived perhaps the biggest ordeal of her life.
At this moment, it also struck her that no matter where she was, whether in this grand place or her humble home, the All Mighty always gave equal shares of nature's beauty for all to treasure and to behold. She would never feel envy towards those who possess great things, and she would never be embittered knowing that those same things she may lack. Fate had determined one's destiny. And as long as one walked one's path to the best of one's ability, there was no need to look elsewhere. Yes, she would never be wealthy nor achieve great things as measured by worldly standards, but it did not matter because she believed that:
Content makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor. **
As Elyse thus contemplated, Darcy watched the complex character unfold before him. What is she thinking? What thoughts occupy her so? Would I ever be given the chance to understand her and perhaps, so much more? Dare I hope? Since these questions inevitably required time and patience, he had to be content with the fact that, at least for now, she was standing beside him and in his ancient home.
While Arthur was re-acquainting with the Pemberley staff, Darcy took Elyse for a more detailed tour of the estate. She was delighted since her last visit was spent mainly outdoors. As she followed him with enthusiasm, she just realized how tiresome this must be for him. Suddenly, she felt mortified in subjecting him to such a task.
But her lively mind rallied herself soon enough. Well, his requested diversion causes my delay in returning home, so, I can't say I'm sorry! With that thought, she almost giggled. At the same time, she could not help peeping under her eyelashes at her host.
That playful glint in her eyes, combining with that mischievous twist at the corner of her mouth, did not go unnoticed by Darcy, and he wondered what this woman was up to now. He lifted his brows in question. Feeling caught, she decided to let the suppressed laughter escape her. With renewed amusement, she could not resist teasing him.
"How often do you subject yourself to such duty?" Sensing his confusion, she added, "being a Pemberley tour guide, that is."
"As I'm not here often," he replied, slightly flustered, "this pleasure does not bestow on me often." Then he smiled in spite of himself.
She laughed whole-heartedly at his response. While Darcy led her from one room to another, her impression of the place only solidified. It was almost opulently grand, a grandeur way beyond her league. She could honestly say she was glad that she did not belong to this place and the society it commensurated. She could not help thinking about Ackerley, which on the other hand, was much more palatable, not that she belonged in there either.
They reached the gallery leading to the main library. As she remembered seeing a few of the family portraits in Ackerley, she stopped at the ones that were familiar to her. She had never looked at them closely before, somehow -- this time, and in this place -- something commanded her to stop to take a closer look.
And stop she did. To Darcy, this was encouragement enough, and he began to introduce his ancestries. When he came to the portraits of his immediate family, Elyse could see the unmistakable resemblance between the father and son. She then looked at the portrait of the mother in curiosity. It depicted an angelic woman in blonde hair and dark blue eyes. The son did not inherit any of her physical characteristics. What caught her attention the most were their family portraits. Evidently, they were taken during various stages of their lives, but the family bond in each was unmistakable. In the parents' eyes, there was always this sense of loving and pride for their son; and in the son's eyes, there was always this adoration for his parents, and confidence and determination of himself. Such realization struck her so forcefully that her heart went out to the man standing beside her. How he must have suffered from his parents' passing, and how he must have continued to suffer!
With that thought, her admiration of him only increased. How he must withhold his family's honor and traditions alone, and only a man with the utmost strength and character could possibly achieve that. Yes, this only reaffirmed her impression of him that in spite of his reserved façade, it lay a very honorable man inside. If her little experience with him before was any indication, it was more than enough to attest to the compassionate and generous sides of him, the sides that he rarely revealed.
With this dawning realization, she returned her gaze to the parents' portraits. What great hopes they must have for their only child and heir! What woman would be worthy of his regard? Moreover, what woman could share his enormous responsibility, burden, and challenge? Unknowingly, she sighed.
"What's the matter?" Darcy asked gently.
Having the benefits of spending more time with her lately, he had also come to understand her more. However, at time such as this, it was also frustrating. Whenever he thought he had gained new insight into this enigmatic woman, more mysteries awaited, catching him off guard more than he could handle. He could tell many things were now forming in her mind, but what were they? How he wanted her to confide in him, and to share all her most intimate thoughts and dreams.
"Nothing's the matter," her eyes did not waver from the portraits, "it's just that to be the master of Pemberley must be something!"
Alone with her in the gallery, he did not trust himself to dwell on whatever that may have prompted such exclamation. He decided on another topic instead.
"What do you think of Pemberley?" He was curious.
"I'm sure you heard enough of that from many," she replied.
"But, what do you think of it?" He persisted.
"Well..." She finally turned her attention from the portraits to him. She could not give him a complete answer as she was wondering why he was seeking her opinions in the first place.
"Well?" He repeated.
"It's very grand, no doubt," she chose her words very carefully. "And since you seem very interested in what I think, it's only fair that I tell you as is. I cannot relate to it, it's too grand, but then again, I was not born into it, so this shouldn't surprise you. I love the grounds very much though. I still remember the pleasure it brought me the last time I was here."
"How does this compared to Ackerley?" He continued.
"Oh," she was glad that she did not have to hesitate on this one. "It's such a delightful place! Like Pemberley, it cannot blend with nature more perfectly. But unlike Pemberley, although it's stately, it has more elements of homeliness. I like its quiet elegance very much."
As she thus spoke, Darcy felt the same astonishment he felt when she first perceived the resemblance between Pemberley and Ackerley. It was astounding indeed to find anyone, and most importantly, her, echoing the very same sentiments he had for his homes. He marveled at the similarity of their minds. Indeed, this only reaffirmed what he had known in his heart all along.
Unbidden, that night so long ago when that painful firm resolve was first formed flooded his mind. He also remembered how just before that, her image had risen before him after he said jokingly in front of his parents' portraits about what was lacking in his life. Turning to the dear faces of his beloved parents, he called out to their spirits in silence most earnestly.
Mom and Dad, she's the one. If only you could help me find the ways...
As the autumn's late afternoon sun shone on the portraits, he thought he caught the gentle approval in his parents' loving eyes and gentle smiles. With a heartfelt delight, he was comforted and encouraged.
* Philip Sidney
** Benjamin Franklin
A natural ease descended upon Elyse and Darcy after they returned from Pemberley. Neither could fix on the hour or the spot that laid the foundation. It came on so suddenly. They were in the middle before they knew that they had begun. * Although such a state was only dawning, at times, a gesture or a glance could convey their thoughts.
Understandingly, Darcy was heartened. The transformation in him that this incited was tangible, and detectable in various degrees, depended on how well one knew him. Although his physique was yet to be regained, gone was the incessant dispiritedness that used to linger. There was a subtle sprightliness in his gait. Moreover, that elusive smile, so uniquely his, graced his handsome face more often than ever before.
Elyse, however, was yet to decide on her feelings. By no means, she minded it; in fact, it was reminiscent of the rare occasions at Ackerley in which she could speak to him openly. Perhaps a little more time was needed, in getting used to their friendship under this different light.
Regardless of how she felt, such was the way it had become. In a way, it let her to get to know him better. Perhaps because he was such an intriguing mystery, she was receptive to the chances given. By knowing him better made her cognizant of his many other amiable qualities. It was quite a sight to behold whenever he immersed himself in the executive role. Even his quiet reserve could not smother the magnetism within. Now she understood why his sheer presence was enough to command his staff's absolute attention and admiration.
As her regard of him increased, she found herself concerned about his well-being. Occasionally during her quiet observation, when his frail image from that fateful day in August intruded, she could not help her heart going out to him -- anyone would. How could such a man find anything wanting? Certainly, it should be within his power to possess almost anything he desired. While she was curious about the cause of his distress, she was glad that whatever that was no longer held power over him.
It was in the middle of the staff meeting that Elyse found herself lapsing into her realm of rumination. Lately, she had little time for such luxury. This assignment, while rewarding, was monopolizing her time and energy. The occasional travels only exasperated the situation. To be fair, compared with the others, her frequency of travel was negligible. Arthur and Darcy aside, Steve's shares were plentiful.
The thought of Steve willed her gaze towards him. Lately, he did not seem himself. Although behaving very much the same, he said little about his personal life, which was unusual. Truth be told, Elyse welcomed the change; because if what he alluded to were indicative of his lifestyle, it would not suit her. At times, she tried to deflect it with non-affecting remarks, which often succeeded in silencing him. Whether it was his choice, or perhaps there was not much to disclose, it mattered little. She favored the change.
Professionally, his talents and dedication never ceased to impress. It would be unjust to hold him against an epitome of a man like Darcy, but given his tender age and accomplishments, he rightfully deserved his merits. Physically, his vibrant, dashing feature and engaging manners could easily rival Darcy in inciting admiration and fancies in the female population.
Working with him on this project since August, she felt they complement each other. As a consultant, she tried to maintain a low profile and left the limelight to him. To her, intellectual properties and proprietary information should remain within the hiring company. It would ease the transition when it was time for her to go, which was only imminent.
The staff meeting was concluded with Elyse and Steve's presentation, which was declared a huge success. Arthur always took special effort to recognize and appreciate his staff for a job well done. Seeing this as a perfect opportunity, he invited everyone to lunch, allowing the team spirit to continue to rally.
Once everyone was settled, Darcy was delighted to find Elyse sitting besides him. However, as the meal progressed, he became more and more unsettled. Elyse was sitting across from Steve, and the seating arrangement offered him a clear view of the interaction between the two. He became outwardly alarmed as he registered Steve's steadfast gaze. He had observed similar expression before. But as he continued to watch, he noticed that, at times, the gaze was so earnest that all traces of teasing were gone from Steve's eyes.
His face darkened at this recognition. Elyse's attraction he could attest to wholeheartedly, but he had not foreseen competition. In his mind, she had always been his. Securing her affection was unlike any task before, but he was determined. He would be patient, consoling himself that it was only a matter of time. Besides, hadn't he made some promising progress already?
Now to entertain the idea that someone else could secure her instead would be unbearable! His agitation increased when Steve's certain reputation wound its way to his already perturbed mind. He did not want to think what dangerous prospect awaited his beloved. By now, he was frantic with these suppositions, and even his well-schooled façade could not hide all that he felt.
By chance, Elyse's gaze swept over him. What she saw chilled her so much that the familiar apprehension returned in some measure. Darcy was obviously upset, but why? Then the first thing came to her mind: perhaps he was feeling neglected? Owing to Steve's easy manners and conversational skills, he had captured her undivided attention. Yet, no matter how enjoyable that was, it was only polite to include others in the conversation. She resolved to wait for an opening to engage him in it. Meanwhile, trying to dispel the distress caused by his obvious displeasure, she maintained her attention across the table. Unfortunately, her immediate strategy only exasperated Darcy's state of mind. Fortunately, the excursion ended soon after.
After much delay, Richard and Charlotte's new home would be completed soon. Although no one complained about the long engagement, which was more than a year and a half, everyone was excited that finally, the couple was going to tie the knots.
One weekend in November, a wedding planning was held in Alex's house. Richard and Charlotte decided to set the big event on Valentine's Day. Since an elaborate engagement party had already taken place at the family estate, they preferred an intimate setting for the wedding. Without hesitation, Alex offered his home for the felicitous occasion.
Other than Darcy and the entire Edward's family, key participants in the upcoming event were also there. Elyse would be the maid of honor. At Geoffrey's request, Aaron and Aster also came along. The rest of the wedding party members included Alex, Darcy, and Heather Dalton.
An ethereal beauty, Heather possessed a very refined air. An architect and a friend of the family, she would be the bridesmaid. She was another attempt by Beverly, who, with her good but too obvious intentions, had been trying to provide Darcy with eligible companions.
Darcy was exasperated at his aunt's repeated attempts, but he had always endured her intervention with forbearance, knowing that she only meant well. However, he found such ritual increasingly intolerable, especially after his heart was consigned. Other than the obligatory greeting, he barely acknowledged Heather.
When the planning was adjourned, Elyse explored the beautiful grounds while watching Aster nearby. Autumn was showing its quiet grandeur. Each season had its charms, but this had always been her favorite. Certainly, nature was at its peak of majesty. But there was this certain harmony that could only be found in this season, and only it could summon the solemn spirit of solitude.
While continuing to explore and savoring the crisp, cool air, her thought turned to the recent activities. She was thrilled about Charlotte and had no doubt about her felicity. A happy marriage happened to only the fortunate few. Beside, Richard's family was so pleasant, compassionate, and tight-knit, which contrasted so sharply to her own.
Her dissolved family was pitiful indeed and her parents' was not much better. Since her parents' passing, the family had dissembled. On special holidays, she was usually the one making the effort to initiate family gatherings. Over the years, the reception had been received coldly. She could not help but lose the enthusiasm, one could only do so much. She heaved a heavy sigh at that reality, which cut to her core most painfully especially when she was in the presence of a family so unlike her own. Since the divorce, she had vowed to make life as happy as she could for Aaron and Aster. However, she began to wonder how could that be possible, given the environment was hardly ideal.
Notwithstanding this disadvantage, she tried to count her blessings, focusing on the positive things in life. After all, there was joy to be found if one would just look.
"Elyse, there you are!" Her reverie was interrupted by Alex's calling. "We're wondering where you are."
"Hi, Alex," Turning towards him, Elyse replied. "The grounds are absolutely magnificent, I just couldn't resist. I'm also watching the kids, you know how Aster is."
Alex looked at the direction of the squealing children, who were playing tag and having a jolly good time. As soon as he resumed his attention to Elyse, his smile vanished. What he saw in her eyes caused an involuntary pull in his heart. That reminded him of the divorce, which he only knew recently.
"I..." he stammered, "I'm truly sorry about your divorce, I have no idea."
Elyse knew that it was inevitable, but she was more ready to deal with the inquisitions now. Feeling his awkwardness, she favored him with an acknowledging smile and led to another topic.
"So, it's very gallant of you to offer your home for the special occasion." She smiled up at him.
"It's nothing really," Alex returned her smile. "Richard's my only brother, and I'm truly happy for him. It's time for him to settle down, and Charlotte suits him well."
She asked more about the wedding specifics. Soon, they fell into easy conversation. Perhaps both being parent, they were always at ease with each other. They continued this way until Darcy and Heather approached them.
"Is everything done?" asked Alex when the pair arrived.
"Richard and Charlotte are still finalizing on some of the details," Heather replied, "but we need a break." Smiling warmly, she turned to Darcy. "Right, Darcy?"
Before anyone could response, it just occurred to Elyse that perhaps Charlotte might need her. She had been gone long enough.
"Alex," she began, "will you please keep an eye on Aster while I run off to Charlotte and see if she needs anything?" Turing to the other two, she continued, "please excuse me." At Alex's nod, she walked away. She did not see the disappointment in Darcy's eyes.
"So," Alex resumed, "are you settled with your roles at the wedding?"
"Yes, I think so," came Heather's reply, "Charlotte is very organized, and we just have to act our parts, won't we, Darcy?" Her gaze returned to Darcy, admiration clearly in her eyes. To be escorted by such a man was a privilege indeed.
Darcy acknowledged absentmindedly while his attention was still on the petite retreating figure. To his aunt's credit, Heather was more than just a pretty face, but he was unaffected. Even when his destiny was yet to be found, he was quite immune to such allurements. Now that it was found, so be it if the rest of the world called him unfeeling, fastidious, obstinate -- he had only eyes for one.
Furthermore, the thought of being paired up with anyone else beside Elyse at the wedding, as well as all the obligations required, only added to his annoyance. Humph! He was impatient for the wedding to be over before it had even begun! Nevertheless, knowing that he must attend to his duty, he took a deep breath to force down the displeasure.
"So, Elyse," Richard said jokingly after everyone gathered at the patio for an early buffet dinner, "since wedding's in the air, any plan for another?"
As he spoke, Charlotte gave him a hard stare. Fortunately, Elyse was more amused than offended. Inevitably, her divorce was known at work much earlier. Strange as it may sound, she received this kind of question before. So far, she had managed to ignore it tactfully.
"Well, Richard," Elyse replied with mirth, "one can understand your enthusiasm and glee as you're marrying probably the only woman who is brave enough to marry you. But since I already had my share of this matter, perhaps your question should be directed to those who have yet to experience such felicity?" Smiling, she turned archly towards those people.
"It's quite true!" cried Richard, picking up where she left off. "So, Darcy and Heather, what's on your radar screen?" He began to rub his hands together in anticipation. He did not dare to pick on his brother, who he knew was yet to recover from the tragic death of his wife.
While remaining perfectly composed, Darcy's eyes narrowed in dangerous gleam at Richard's comments. It was obvious that he flatly refused to comment. It was up to Heather to counter Richard.
"Not everyone is as lucky as you, Richard," Heather replied after taking the hint, "I'd be more than happy to inform when my turn comes. Unfortunately, I've been seeking but not finding!"
Seeing that his cousin was a dead bore, Richard decided to tease Elyse again. "So, you really don't have any plan?" he persisted. Charlotte now gave him an unmistakable elbow.
While she continued to be amused, Elyse decided to give this some thought before replying, with the hope of silencing Richard on this subject forever. Perhaps she was giving it too much effort, to her misery, Glen's face and all his broken promises rose before her...
You told me that you love me
You said we'd never part
You took all my love
Then you broke my heartNever again
Never again will I fall in loveI did everything you wanted me to
'Cause I thought your love was true
But I was blind
And I couldn't see
Why did you do this to me **
It had been a while since her well-guarded sanctuary was so brutally assaulted. Shocked at the tears that were on their way, she almost choked in an attempt to suppress them.
She was absolutely stunned. She had thought that particular episode was forever sleeping in her memory, a slumber that could not be disturbed. Yet, under Richard's teasing inquisition, that page of her life, which she had tried so vehemently to turn over, was leafed back without much effort.
To her relief, her desperate measure succeeded. Ascertained that enough equanimity had returned, she resumed the task of forming a reply.
Would she marry again? Most likely not. Just a dreadful moment ago, she was forced to face the painful truth that she was yet to recover from that single experience. She was not about to tread that treacherous water any time soon -- better yet, never again! Dismayed herself for such pathetic conjecture and trying to negate it, she slowly shook her head. At all cost, she must deliver her response with as much nonchalant air as she could summon!
"I can safely say 'Never Again,' Richard," she finally retorted. There was an undeniable finality in her tone. Then with a tone similar to Richard's, she continued. "As I was saying, I'd my share of that stage in life, now I've moved on to another. Besides, who would want to saddle with a divorcée with children, hmmm?" She poked a finger at his chest playfully as she put in. "Really, Richard, as a man, you should know better! Especially when there's no lacking of desirable women around!"
She then looked at Heather as innocently as possible. The reaction from her audience was all she could wish for. Almost everyone burst out laughing. Seeing that she did not take the bait and appreciating her being such a good sport, Richard picked Heather as his next victim.
While this was going on, Darcy was far from being amused. In grave silence, he contemplated Elyse's declaration.
Never Again. So this answered some of his questions. She will not love again. She will not let another love her again.
He could not help but stare at her in grief. "Is it really never meant to be?" He asked himself in despair. As the newfound hope began to extinguish in front of his eyes, the all-too-familiar desolation returned in full measure.
His stare and grave expression did not go unnoticed by Elyse. But her curiosity did not will her to decipher their meanings. She was still trying to regain her equilibrium, which was upheaved by the recent contemplation. Discomfited, she turned her attention to Heather.
In certain ways, Heather reminded her of Claudia, and she wondered what happened between her and Darcy. They seemed so perfect together and their relationship, as she was told, was long-standing. However, she still remembered that forlorn look on her face. She could not help but speculate her returning to the West Coast as some kind of disappointment. Could that also attribute to Darcy's recent distress?
Looking at Heather and Darcy standing before her, and the obvious intention from Beverly, she deduced that Heather must be the current designee. For sure, they made a stunning pair, and under the scrutiny of all worldly measures, they matched very well indeed. Nevertheless, as she looked from one to the other, she was almost certain that the feelings were not mutual. With that, a mischievous gleam lit her eyes. Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can. * Thank Heaven for this diversion! She nearly laughed. Her amusement increased as she watched Heather's conspicuous adoration towards Darcy.
For the second time in the day, Darcy was far from being amused. Although still recovering from Elyse's declaration, he was fully aware of Heather's attention. Over the years, he had enough shares of it that he found such overture revolting. Oh yes, he knew how these games were played and equally, the precise strategy to come out ahead. Perhaps he was being too cynical, perhaps it was irrational to execute it to every suspicious female, but he must take his stance! Donning his seasoned armor, he provided no encouragement but with all the appearance of politeness. And whenever possible, he distanced himself from her.
When at last in his solitude that night, tried as he might, Darcy could not dispel the sorrow as the finality in Elyse's declaration rang in his soul: Never Again...
The miserable have no other medicine
But only hope. ***
Alas! Whatever hope he had just shattered earlier today.
If it were not for hopes, the heart would break. ****
He laughed bitterly at that assertion. His heart had been broken many times over along this journey, what was once more? But the fighter in him would not rest until he felt certain he had done all he could. She was worth fighting for. He pounded his fist in his hand. Yes, he must continue to hope, hoping that someday she would come to feel the way he felt about her.
He exhausted himself by replaying the scene where she delivered that ultimatum, dwelling particularly on the finality of her tone. When he thought he could endure it no longer, like a spark, the utter grief in her expression ignited his core. He focused on that fleeting grief. He suspected that she was trying to conceal it as the evidence was only infinitesimal. Nonetheless, he was convinced it was there.
Ironically, he found his spirit rising at that conviction. How else could she declare if she was still suffering? If he were ever to win her heart, it would incumbent upon him to help her getting beyond the past. Besides, her declaration had its benefit: the walls she built around her heart hopefully would deter the likes of Steve -- the task was certainly not for the faint-hearted or noncommittal. As he thus reflected, the fire in his dwindling hope was rekindled.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all, *****
As he finally rested his head on the pillow for the night, he resolved to never get up hope. He was determined to continue to blaze the trail that he had set out so long ago, and with much more vigor and intensity than ever before.
* Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
** Never Again (The Supremes)
*** Measure for Measure (William Shakespeare)
**** Thomas Fuller
***** Emily Dickinson