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Chapter 13: I Hope You Dance

Notwithstanding that home was not really 'home' anymore, Elyse was glad to be back just the same. It was where her heart and loved ones were, and she would not trade it for the world, let alone all the luxuries of Ackerley.

It was still a little more than a month before Aaron and Aster's summer recess, she enrolled in the first summer session at Neuhausen. From now on, her study would resume its usual pace. At this rate, her goal would take longer to achieve. A resignation sigh was about to escape when her father's encouragement, which he bestowed when she first embarked on this journey, intercepted:

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. *

The sigh escaped nonetheless, but it was of a completely different sort, much more defying. Yes, it must be perseverance, and now more than ever, it would be her anchor during this turbulent time.

Before long, they were free to enjoy two weeks of excursion in nearby New England states. Thoroughly rejuvenated, Aaron and Aster began their summer camps with zest.

As anticipated, Elyse had more time to contemplate her options and plans. Sitting on her chair in the dining room, she rested her chin against her hand as her mind wandered. This was always her favorite spot as it offered the best view of its surroundings. As her gaze began at the small aquarium, then swept from room to room, she remembered all that had occurred over the years when they were a cohesive family. There were so much memories in this place that used to call their home. Since that revelation and the process that was now in motion, she had grown accustomed to the harsh inevitability, and resignedly, had tried to force herself to find better means to channel her emotions. But, as it was, she had yet to master it.

How is one supposed to disregard all the memories, good or bad, that occurred over a great span of one's lifetime?

She sighed. She thought that perhaps a change in environment would be just what they needed. If they continued to stay, she seriously did not believe they could make a new break. Everything here was a constant reminder of 'what-should-have-been' and 'what-had-lost.'

Will Aaron and Aster miss this old place? Will they need to hold on to a piece of the past in order to move forwards? Will moving be too much of a change?

Personally, she had a strong preference for a change, but her utmost concern was still her children. She would not force her opinion on them, she needed to talk to them first, and timing would be crucial.

Almost up until the week before he was heading off Maine, Darcy was hardly at Ackerley. Everyone seemed to try to pack as much in as possible before the summer season arrived. He had traveled extensively, attending conference and seminars and meeting potential clients. So it was not surprising that he heaved a big sigh of relief when he finally arrived at the summer home.

As usual, everything was well cared for during his absence. By the end of the evening, he was settled in his respite, where he would concentrate on the yearly planning. He still conducted business virtually and traveled as needed, but his subordinates were only too aware of his rituals and would not dare to disturb unless it was urgent. During this period, Arthur usually took charge, freeing him to put business matter in perspective and to unleash his creativity. This had worked well over the years. The results were usually more innovative ideas and improvement plans.

Stretching out his long limbs on the lounge chaise in the patio, he looked out into miles of miles of ocean in the distance. Of all the residences, Ackerley was closest to his heart. Ackerley represented him -- his individual being as he was solely responsible for its existence. Pemberley, his family estate, would always hold a special place in his heart. But to him, it belonged to the past and the many generations before it.

This place was also special to him. Several years ago when his company began to flourish, the idea of having a secluded place to meditate sort of daunted on him. As he had always favored the coastal Maine, he resolved to look for a suitable place. Not finding any of his likings, and after stumbling upon this property during one of his spontaneous explorations, he decided to build one based on his specifications. The final result was quite satisfactory.

The stretch of ocean was almost endless, saved for the one solitary lighthouse. The lapping of the waves against the coastal rocks always soothed him. Here he could enjoy nothingness to the fullest when he chose to. He closed his eyes, allowing the sounds of nature to claim him. A small sigh escaped him; it felt good to regain peace after those hectic weeks.

Many hours had passed until the night chill woke him from his slumber and he stirred. Slowly, he opened his eyes. Millions of bright stars danced in the dark sky above. As he was mesmerized by the intermittent gleams of light, a pair, much more brilliant, appeared in front of all the others. More chill -- or was it heat? -- began to engulf him. Before he could command what was to follow, he felt the all-too familiar twinge within his heart. Abruptly, he got up and went inside.

"Hello there! I hope you haven't forgotten your friends," Alex began. After a short pause, Geoffrey's voice followed, "Elyse! Daddy's right, have you forgotten us?"

Elyse was at work when they called. It was such a pleasant surprise that it really cheered her up. She had not heard from anyone from that quarter since she left, and truth be told, she really did not expect to.

"Well, it's good to hear from you, Geoffrey," she laughed. "How are you? Have you grown since the last time I saw you? How is summer so far?"

"I miss you," said Geoffrey. "Please come to see us. Here, Daddy wants to talk to you."

"Elyse, Geoffrey's birthday is coming up in a week," came Alex's voice, "and he wants nothing more in the world than having you there. Please say you'd come."

Elyse was gratified that they thought of her, however, she was not really that acquainted with the family, and she would not want to leave Aaron and Aster behind. She asked Alex about the exact date of the party before she answered.

"Alex, thanks for the invitation." She had to come up with an excuse. "You are too kind to think of me, but I'm afraid that my husband will be away and won't be available to look after the children."

Alex was disappointed, and he knew that Geoffrey would be even more so.

"Then bring them along," he replied. "Besides, Geoffrey will love to have other children to play with, won't you, Geoffrey?"

"Yes, Elyse, please bring them along," came Geoffrey's excited voice. "I'd love to meet and play with them, you all must come." He began to sound disappointed.

Elyse could just imagine how Geoffrey looked at the moment. She wanted to give in, but then she thought about Aster's special needs.

"Thanks for being so accommodating," she said. "But Alex, do you still remember what I've told you about Aster? She doesn't adjust to new environment easily, and she might behave unpredictably. I wouldn't want the slightest chance of ruining the happy occasion."

"Don't worry too much about that," said Alex. "I'm sure we can deal with it, besides, it may do her good to be around other people more often."

Alex was so understanding that Elyse was overwhelmed. She paused a few seconds before she continued, "Ok, if it's not too much trouble, please give me your driving directions, we love to see you."

"No need for that trouble, we'll pick you up," said Alex. "By the way, the party will be at Darcy's summer home. His private jet will bring us all there."

Geoffrey's grandparents, together with Richard and Charlotte, arrived at Darcy's summer home a little before noon. While they were helping Clarke with the finishing touches for the birthday party, Darcy was outside. Leaning against the rails and looking out into the ocean, he was in a state of helpless chaos.

"Good Heavens! I can't believe this is happening!" he said under his breath.

This was indeed most distressing. Only a few months earlier, he had thought that he could avoid any place where she would be. However, when Alex told him about the additional guests, his emotion roller-coaster had set in motion ever since.

Despite of their many acquaintances, the families were extremely private, and special occasions were usually celebrated among themselves. What was it with Alex's special invitation this time? However, this was Geoffrey's special day, and he would do almost anything to make him happy. Very reluctantly, he told himself that he must endure the impeding encounter. He straightened his back, took a few cleansing breaths, and tried to reassure himself that this, too, would come to pass. The door chime, followed by happy chattering of children, interrupted his thought. With resignation, he walked inside to greet the latest arrivals.

Geoffrey, all flushed with excitement, was the first to enter. A tall, dashing boy of about ten with dark hair then followed. His broad forehead, sparkling eyes and mouth showed intelligence and good humor. A little girl of about eight arrived next. She resembles her brother in many ways, except more fragile, delicate, and shy. She wore glasses with thin blush frame. She was holding onto her mother as they came into the room.

"Elyse..." his heart whispered when she came into view, and he felt lightheaded as he caught her unique spirited scent that was lingering in the air.

There, standing among the youngsters, she was tending to them in the all-too familiar way that was so endearing to him. Wearing a natural linen sundress with a white T-shirt inside, her hair, fell just below her shoulders, was a little longer than the image he had carried. His gaze ran over her face. Her slightly tanned complexion reflected the glory of summer. Her eyes were aglow with pleasure, and her lips, pink and slightly parted, formed the most luscious curve. What a sight to behold! Still feeling lightheaded, he sucked in his breath while his eyes continued to devour her. A ridiculous sense of possessiveness in him urged him to claim her. He could not and did not want to take his eyes off her. How he missed her!

His gaze was so intense and commanding that Elyse felt as if she was being summoned. As such, momentarily she shifted her attention from the youngsters to the host. Without faltering, her eyes rose to meet his, keep holding his. He seemed very much the same as the last time she saw him. Although still unsure of their meanings, she recognized that dark, indecipherable expression in his eyes. Discerning no greeting from that immovable object that was the host, she could only interpret that he was annoyed by the intrusion, but she would never waver under his gaze. After all, Geoffrey invited them. With that thought, a challenging glint glowed in her eyes, and her brows arched in a way that was so definitive of hers.

As he was still being encaged by her presence, this added enticement only threatened to drive him off the brink. It was many seconds before he remembered his duty, so he began.

"Welcome," his voice was a little shaky. "I hope your ride here was pleasant?"

"Darcy!" Geoffrey broke in. "Come meet my new friends!"

"Thanks for inviting us," Elyse responded politely. "This is my son, Aaron, and my daughter, Aster." She motioned them to greet the host.

Aaron looked up and met Darcy's eyes without any hesitation, his manners were equally polite and pleasant. After he was done, he turned to his sister and whispered a few encouraging words. Still blushing, the little girl glanced at Darcy shyly and said, "Hello."

By now, everyone had gathered around and began the usual pleasantries. Clarke was happy to see Elyse again and they caught up with each other in no time. Afterwards, he motioned everyone, especially the children, for some refreshments.

Elyse and Charlotte greeted each other warmly. They had not seen each other after Elyse left Ackerley. It seemed irrational, but early on, Elyse had decided to withhold the divorce ordeal until the matter was settled. She could not wait to relieve her burden, yet, for now, she must keep it away from her friend.

Although they knew Geoffrey was very fond of Elyse, Robert and Beverly Edwards were just as surprised as Darcy when she was invited. However, being loving grandparents, they would not deprive Geoffrey of anything, as long as it was reasonable. Besides, they were very fond of her.

Now that Geoffrey had found companionship in his new friends, he did not monopolize Elyse as much. He favored Aaron as an older brother with awe and admiration. The little Aster also caught his attention, and he felt protective of her. While he was fascinated with Aaron, he took the trouble of including Aster in their play as much as possible.

The birthday party took place on the pink sand beaches right in front of the summer home. As it was part of the property, they enjoyed the special occasion in seclusion.

Alex was right about Aster after all. At the beginning, she seemed tentative, but before dinnertime arrived, she was much more at ease. While leaning against one of the weathered rocks nearby, Elyse watched Aster exploring the sandy beaches with Geoffrey and Aaron. She smiled inwardly with satisfaction. Her attention then turned to the ocean and beyond. How fortunate it is to have a place like this to rejuvenate one's weary mind?

She had always liked the ocean, and at the presence such as this, she was reminded that any event in life was a mere nothingness when comparing to the boundlessness of nature. At this moment, she found this affirmation more vivid than ever. As her life now seemed like a ship lost at sea, she would have to trust the All Mighty to give her the strength and courage to stay on course. With that thought, she closed her eyes and said a few silent prayers amidst the sound of crashing waves.

After that tremulous greeting, Darcy did not dare to seek Elyse out. He did not trust himself, fearing his emotions may lead him astray. Caught in a quandary, all he could do was to glance at her from time to time in smothered silence.

Dinner included a Maine lobster feast -- steamed lobsters, mussels, clams, corn on the cobs, and blueberry pies. Afterwards, there was piñata, in the form of a gigantic red crab, for the children. Being blindfolded, each had to hit the target with a stick. When it was finally cracked open and the treasures fell onto the sand, they rushed to claim them.

The sun began to set. As they watched it slipping into the horizon, they sat around the campfire roasting marshmallows and continuing with their pleasant conversations. Alex brought out his guitar and began to engage everyone with some familiar songs. When he heard that Elyse could play and sing, he asked her for a song; and it was not long before Geoffrey joined in the request.

"Please, Elyse, won't you sing us a song, it's my birthday after all," Geoffrey looked at her pleadingly.

"Oh, no!" Elyse was much horrified, singing on her own was one thing, but performing in front of a group of mostly strangers was another. She tried to get herself out of the predicament by saying, "I don't think my talents, if any, are suited for the occasion, I'd rather leave that to those who are much more capable!"

Unfortunately, the audience persisted, and at the end, she had to oblige. Remembering one of the favorite songs she had been singing with Aaron and Aster lately, she motioned them to sit next to her.

"This one's for you then, Geoffrey, Happy Birthday!" After adjusting the guitar strings a few times, she began. Under her encouraging nod, Aaron and Aster soon joined in.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leaves you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin'

Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin'

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to sellin' out reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

Dance, I hope you dance *

While singing the song, Elyse caught herself savoring its meaning. Oddly enough, she had sung it many times before, and it was not until now that the lyrics seemed to answer those questions that had been haunting her all these years. Whether it was the magic of the song, or the silent prayers that she had said earlier, she seemed to find the faith and courage that she had been seeking. While looking out into the ocean, for the first time since Glen's betrayal, she felt that she could meet the future with fortitude.

While Elyse was well in her way of self-discovery, everyone was under the spell of the music. Perhaps she was not trained on the instrument or the voice, nevertheless, her pitch was precise, and her voice was natural, soft, and clear. But most notably, her expressions were genuine and heartfelt. Combining with the sweet, innocent chorus, it certainly made a lasting impression to those who listened.

When the last note was ended, the audience rewarded the performers with well-deserved applause. Elyse was very proud of Aaron and Aster, and she embraced them with added affection. She then thanked everyone for their forbearance. As summer camps awaited in the morning, they ended their visit and bade farewell.

* Earl Nightingale

** I Hope You Dance (Lee Ann Womack)

Chapter 14: Turn One Leaf

By the time Elyse sat down with Aaron and Aster to talk about the idea of moving, she had already given the matter much thought. She surmised Aster would not be affected much since she was still young, besides, because of her conditions, friends were scarce in the neighborhood. Early on, when her motherly intuition told her that something was not right, she visited a multitude of medical specialists with Aster. When the diagnosis was finally made, she had gone all out to find an appropriate educational placement for her. To everyone's satisfaction, the private school that Aster had been attending provided a nurturing environment, it was also where her true friends were.

It was a different matter for Aaron. Befriended many in the area over the years, he was now at the stage of life when sustaining friendship was important. However, being a loving son, he was willing. Gratified as she was, Elyse did not want to impose any unnecessary changes. At the end, she felt more comfortable with the idea of moving to another place within the area. This way, at least Aaron's school life would not be disrupted.

Soon, the fall semester arrived. Elyse continued with her study, attending only one class. She had also resolved to make a few changes, hopefully for the better. The entire family joined the local community center, where many interesting programs were being offered year round. For two evenings on weekdays, Aaron would take lessons on fencing and Aster on gymnastics. While they were in class, she took advantage of all the exercise facilities there. On weekends, weather permitting, they would jog in the nearby reservation. Otherwise, they would attend various local events and community activities.

As time went on, Glen came less and less often. Finally, on the first week in November, the divorce became official. As part of the visitation arrangements, Aaron and Aster would stay with Glen on alternate weekends.

Later that week, Elyse finally broke the news to Charlotte. However, other than the fact that Glen initiated the divorce, she chose not to reveal anything more. She could not think about his betrayal without feeling nauseated and disgrace, besides, she felt strongly that such intimate details were really no one else's business.

"Elyse! How could you keep this all to yourself?" Charlotte exclaimed, "and the nerve of Glen in treating you this way!"

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner," Elyse felt guilty as charged, "but I couldn't, I was not ready. I haven't told a soul until now. I hope you'd understand."

It was only natural for Charlotte to be sympathetic. She realized the enormity of the ordeal and what her friend must have gone through.

"Well, I can't say that I'm surprised, as I've often found Glen showing no interest in anything you do," Charlotte huffed hotly. "Still, I can't believe he'd do such a thing. You've done nothing but to please him all these years. I'm really sorry that I was not there for you, at a time you needed it." Charlotte was about to cry.

"Indeed, Charlotte," Elyse cried, "how I wish that I could share my troubles with you then! But I couldn't, it was too painful, and I've tried to suppress it as much as I could. Thank Heavens that it's finally over! I can only comfort myself with the thought that it's for the best."

"You bet it is!" Charlotte put in.

After her burden was unleashed, Elyse felt much more relieved. As a final note, she requested Charlotte to keep this in strict confidence for now, as she was not yet ready for the inquisition and sympathy that was sure to follow.

Another summer respite was over and Darcy returned to Ackerley. The tranquillity he had expected from Maine was interrupted long before she walked into the room that day. But he felt it even more acutely when she stood there, looking up at him with those glorious eyes and teasing smile. Before the day was through, he realized that he missed her more than he knew. As he saw her walking away from his life for the second time, how he ached to chase after her and to beg her to stay, even if only for a little longer.

Alas! His faculties deserted him again, leaving him unable to deal with all the uncertainties that have anything to do with her. One thing remained constant -- she was beyond his reach -- he could not continue to indulge in such forbidden fantasy. He must put her out of his mind, and relinquish any hope of ever seeing her again. Nevertheless, that could not stop the great sense of loss, the yearning that continued to engulf his body and soul, nor the irrational conviction that she must be his.

A few days after his return, as if by some premonition, he contacted his lawyer and made a few changes to the estate. Lacking an heir, he had already designated Geoffrey as the beneficiary of most of his fortunes. Remembering how he had resolved to help her and her family, he did the only things he could within his power -- by making special provisions for them. As an anonymous benefactor, he provided Aaron with all the expenses for post-secondary education. For Aster, he provided all the expenses and special cares as long as she needed them. Finally, should... he flinched at that thought... should anything happen, she would have Ackerley.

One late evening, as he was standing in front of the billiard table trying to concentrate on the task before him, as if on their own, his thoughts drifted to her again. How was the rest of her summer? Is she attending any classes this semester? What song is she singing with her kids now? Is she happy? Does she miss Ackerley? As he asked these questions in silence, visions of the past when they were together rushed to him...

...How she had immersed herself in Ackerley, leaving behind smiles and laughter in every nook and cranny... How they had danced tentatively together at Richard's engagement party... How she had frolicked in the fields in Pemberley... How heavenly it was to possess her soft form in his arms... And, how he had kissed the sweetest lips he had ever known, leaving him all breathless and aching for more...

Catching himself adrift to those futile memories, he was frustrated. He must discipline these ruthless thoughts! With all his might, he sent the red ball straight to its destination.

Fortified with the newfound courage and the final acceptance of her fate, Elyse decided that it was time for her to move on. She began looking for another house in the area. Whenever possible, she brought Aaron and Aster along. Without Glen, they would need something requiring minimal maintenance. After a few weeks of searching, they felt right at home with this little townhouse not far from the reservation. Although much smaller that the one they were in now and with little yards, it was new, and best of all, it was accessible to many community conveniences.

While this was in progress, the existing house was sold without much difficulty. A welcome surprise came when the new owners revealed that they did not need to move in until June. This was indeed good news. She had wanted to make the transition process as gradual as possible, allowing more time for everyone to adjust.

After living in the same house for so many years, it was not surprising that she found moving a daunting task. Fortunately, she was quite organized and soon took it in stride. For the months that followed, she continued to sort things out and kept only those items that were absolutely needed. Since the new place was much smaller, most of the furniture would no longer be suitable.

The sorting process produced a wonderful therapeutic effect; it allowed her to relinquish both symbolically and physically, that part of the past that she wanted so desperately to obliterate. At the beginning, when she saw all the things belonging to their once-cohesive family, she still felt a pang in her heart. However, as time went on, the pain gradually subsided. At the end, she truly believed that she was ready to move on. Over the next few months, a little at a time, they began to move into the new house.

As part of the improvement plan he had devised over the summer, Darcy decided to concentrate on the new venture in Switzerland, where several major researches and contracts were about to materialize. He still resisted the idea of an expansion, but due to the magnitude of these initiatives, he had to compromise with setting up a temporary task force there.

Once so decided, he identified all the necessary resources for the new operation. Based on his estimation, the effort would last for about six months. At the end of October, he moved to Geneva. He rented a small house near the lake that provided all the living conveniences. At it turned out, this diversion was a welcome relief. As soon as he plunged into this demanding task, he had little time for anything else.

His intelligence, diligence, persistence, and business acumen were the key contributors to the overwhelming success. However, working into the late hours day after day while depriving sleep, he was physically drained, and it showed. He could not remember any other time in his life when he was so driven.

Another holiday season came and passed. He did not celebrate it in the usual style. Instead, he spent a few days with his uncle's family. Quite used to his frequent absence and devotion to his work, they did not take special notice of any peculiarity.

Just before spring, Elyse, Aaron and Aster arrived in Alex's house for a garden party. Although Alex had invited them several times before, Elyse had chosen to decline for several reasons. For one, her family was in the gradual process of moving. But the real reason was that she did not want to subject herself and her family to a roomful of people with far superior social standing. She never thought Alex was class conscience and she was certainly not intimidated by it. She just did not want to give off the impression of someone trying to climb the social ladder when she knew that, in their eyes, she clearly did not possess qualities of distinction and privilege. Nevertheless, she was grateful for Alex's genuine generosity, besides, she really enjoyed being with him and his family. She had then decided to accept his invitation this time.

Alex's house quite reflected his station in life -- a center-hall colonial, its surroundings were spacious and well sculptured. As she toured this great house, she found herself comparing it to Ackerley, and silently preferring the natural, timeless elegance of the latter.

While Geoffrey was occupied with Aaron and Aster, Elyse caught sight of Claudia amidst the strangers. As she got a closer view, she detected an obvious forlorn expression on her face. Seeing Darcy was not there, she guessed that he must be the reason.

"Hello! Dr. Hamlin," Elyse began once she reached there. "I must thank you for your kindness in researching the programs for Aster. Since September, she has been getting weekly therapy, and she's doing quite well."

"Elyse! Good to see you!" Claudia exclaimed. "By all means, please call me Claudia. I'm glad that Aster's doing well, no need to thank me, really."

They continued to talk, mainly focusing on Aster. It was not long before Claudia revealed her returning to the West Coast next week. Elyse was surprised and could not help inquiring the matter.

"Well," Claudia replied, "my assignment was supposed to be temporary anyway." Then, with a faraway look, she continued, "A staff in my department has transferred to the South, and I'm needed as soon as possible."

Somehow, Elyse felt this was not the real reason, but she was not at a liberty to inquire further. Therefore, she expressed her good wishes and hoped to stay in touch.

After Elyse walked away, Claudia took a seat at the patio and reflected upon the real reason behind her departure.

Over the past few months, she was surprised to find herself attracted to Alex. There was so much to admire in him -- his dedication, both as a medical professional and as a father -- and her admiration had grown into something more. After Darcy, she had several attachments, but none became substantial. When she began the new assignment here, she did not deny there was a part of her still harboring some hope with Darcy. However, it was not long before she admitted to herself that he was lost forever. And as she came to know Alex better, she was caught. She could not help hoping something more would come out of it. But alas, this, too, appeared not meant to be.

One day, overwhelmed with feelings, she confronted Alex. To her dismay, his initial reactions were shock and disbelief. But more importantly, he asked if he had ever misled her in anyway, because he would be mortified if his behaviors had caused her to think so.

From Alex's point of view, he really did not believe he had shown any partiality towards her. He possessed all the honorable characters that were so typical of his family. Because of his many advantages, painstakingly he had conducted himself with decorum among female portion of the population. But the crux of the matter remained: he was very much in love with his wife, and was yet to recover from her tragic death. To him, there was none her equal. A gifted artist, she was the sweetest and most loving creature he had never known. They were the happiest couple and later, the proudest parents when Geoffrey was born. Although it had been three years since her death, he was certain that no one could ever occupy that special place in his heart. Moreover, he knew that Claudia was once attached to Darcy. He did not know the extent of their acquaintance, or if they still held any residual affection towards each other, but being the state he was in, he did not feel the slightest inclination towards her.

While he was relieved that the affection was confirmed to be truly one-sided, but having a compassionate disposition, he could not help sadden by it. He could only offer gratitude and consolation.

Spring seemed to be the season filled with new beginnings. Glen was remarried on the last week in March. He did not invite anyone from his former family. Elyse was just as relieved. If he had extended the invitation, she really would not know how to response. By the end of the spring recess, Elyse, Aaron and Aster were settled in their new home.

Chapter 15: Shall Hold Their Course

Spring arrived and Darcy was at Pemberley for his routine visit. The usual commotion was evident in the ancient home. This time, Mrs. Reynolds, the housekeeper, was the first to greet him.

"Welcome home, Master!" she exclaimed with anticipation and eagerness.

However, her enthusiasm quickly changed to concern when she saw the altered appearance of her master. Having served him all these years, she knew that Darcy had always striven for a healthy lifestyle. The master before her still processed all the distinguished and elegant qualities that she had known so well. Yet, other than the obvious fatigue and thinning of flesh, she also saw something else: there was an unmistakable haunting look in his eyes. His demeanor had always been reserved and aloof; this extra something only intensified it.

With great concerns, she continued, "I hope you're well since the last time we'd the pleasure of seeing you, sir?"

Reading the anxiety in the kind housekeeper's eyes, Darcy forced a weak smile before replying.

"I'm quite well, thank you. I've been quite exhausted from the new business venture in Geneva, that's all. So during my stay, please inform everyone that I do not wish to be disturbed if it can be helped."

As expected, she was more than willing to comply. She made a special note to herself to make sure the staff was aware of it, and that they would pay the minutest attention to the master during his stay.

"The good master will need all the nourishment and rest in order to revert to his previous self!" She muttered to herself as she walked away to carry out the order.

Later that evening after securing a good book from the library, Darcy began his usual stroll towards his bedchamber. As he reached his mother's room, he found himself stopping on his track. Since her passing many years ago, no one had ever occupied it until... Quickly, he resumed his pace and walked passed it. As soon as he entered his room, he turned around and closed the heavy door with deliberation.

He climbed into bed and began to read. But after only a few minutes, he threw it down onto the nearby nightstand. He stared at the nightstand as the unmistakable emotions began to rage inside him. As if by reflex, he shut his eyes, willing that monster of a beast to remove itself. It was getting harder each time. Trying to expedite the exit of this persistent invasion, better yet, to dispel it all, he got up and walked briskly towards the fireplace.

Once there, using the wrought iron poker, he stirred the burning logs recklessly. While watching the dancing flames and the logs slowly yielded into ashes, he felt as if his entire being was also consumed by fire. The desperate need for a diversion summoned him to act. Accordingly, he got up abruptly and walked towards the closet.

He scanned all the suitcases there and found the one he was looking for. After hesitating for a few seconds, he began to open it. After reaching down layer after layer, he finally retrieved the precious memento, which he had purposely packed away -- to the remotest section within the confines. In the same way he had done so many times before, he traced it with his trembling fingers.

This will never do! Regardless of how many layers he had buried it under, or what resolve he had formed, at the end, like the logs in the fire, he would yield to the calling of his heart. Keeping his eyes on the one face in the picture, he walked towards the nightstand and set it there. After he settled in bed, he rearranged the pewter frame until it afforded the best view from where he was. Unconsciously, he turned and glanced longingly at the empty space beside him before returning his attention to the frame. He kept staring at it until exhaustion claimed him.

Darcy shortened his Pemberley visit by two weeks and returned to Geneva. There was so much work to be done, and he was convinced that the demanding task would put him in a more proper perspective. Rains seemed more prevalent this year and the cold he had caught while at Pemberley continued to linger. That, combined with the various forms of exhaustion, was slowly deteriorating his health.

Although he thoroughly enjoyed the new challenge, he began to long for the comfort of his own home. Hoping to return Ackerley sooner, he exerted himself even harder. Finally, in the middle of April, not only was the business venture declared an overwhelming success, it was also completed a few weeks ahead of schedule.

With his weary body, Darcy returned to Ackerley after more than five months of absence. The house was strangely quiet when he arrived. Since he was not yet expected for a few weeks, Clarke had gone to visit some friends. As an excellent master, Darcy had always respected the private life of his staff; therefore, he did not call for the housekeeper's return.

He decided to stay home for a few days before returning to the office. His body demanded the rest it had deprived, besides, his cough still lingered. He spent the next few days mostly resting and doing little.

Late afternoon one day, while he was tending some business in the study, his fatigued body and mind caused him to doze off. The incessant rain was still pouring outside. At that moment, it hit against the windows with such intensity that he was awakened in the darkened room in a state of semi-drowsiness. As if tricks were playing on him, he saw a vision sitting on the floor in the adjacent room. He thought he saw the familiar figure on the library floor concentrating on the books in front.

"Elyse!" While the name escaped his lips, his heart leapt with thunderous anticipation. His attempt in reaching out failed, as that abrupt response was too demanding for his weakening frame. He fell on the floor instead thus awakening him fully. He recollected what just had happened, and in realizing what he had just perceived, he shook his head in disillusion. With a bitter smile on his face, he got back on his feet with no little effort.

His response to the flight-or-fright urged him to seek refuge. The quiet house seemed eerie in the late rainy afternoon. As he felt a sudden dryness in his mouth, he went downstairs and began walking towards the kitchen. Before he reached there, however, as if beckoned by the end of the hallway, he walked towards it instead.

As he reached there, he stopped outside the room that had been closed for almost a year. "Should I go in? Will she be there?" He asked himself in silence.

No, he did not, and he would not. He laughed bitterly at his own silly questions. After the absurdity subsided, he put his hands, then his cheek, against the door. For how long he had remained that way, he did not know, but when his cough interrupted, he decided to move away from that haunted place.

Seeing the door leading to the back entranceway, he proceeded in that direction. By now, he was so disoriented that he did not really know what he was going or what he was doing, as his frail body and inner turmoil slowly taking over his senses.

Once outside, totally disregarding the chilly drenching rain, he wandered aimlessly until he reached her favorite rock. Oh! How he ached to see her there, like the several times he did in the past! He repeated those precious few meetings in his mind, remembering every little details.

As the drenching rain continued to fall, his weakening body forced him to fall on his knees. As he fell, he reached out and caressed the rock. With his eyes closed, he murmured her name, imagining she was there, until finally, he lay still.

In the seemingly perpetual rain, Alex drove with such urgency that he hoped that he would reach his destination before the patrol stopped him. Mrs. Reynolds had left him the most disturbing message, such that as soon as he received it, he dashed out of the house.

Mrs. Reynolds was very much concerned about Darcy's health during his stay at Pemberley this year. When she asked the steward to call the Geneva office to inquire about his health, they were surprised to hear that the master had already left. They then tried to reach him at Ackerley. When no one answered, they were panicked and decided to contact his uncle's family. Fortunately, Alex was there when they called.

Alex saw his cousin's vehicle as soon as he arrived at the rear entranceway. Seeing the back door was opened, the thought of burglary came to his mind immediately. But soon he discounted it when he remembered that the manor was well protected by a secure alarm system. Still dripping wet, he walked through the back door and into the house. He searched everywhere for his cousin, and when he did not find him, he feared for the worse -- could his cousin have been kidnapped?

His instinct told him to egress the back door to begin the search from there. The sky was becoming pitch dark, and as the rain continued to fall. The visibility was almost nil. He had to rely on his senses and familiarity of the place to guide him. As he continued to scamper about the back of the house, he thought he saw a dark object near one of the rocks. Without hesitation, he ran towards it.

"Darcy!" he cried when he finally located his cousin, who now lay motionless. Other than the faintest heartbeat, there was no other discernible indication of life on his drenched, cold body.

Impatiently and agitatedly, Alex paced outside the Intensive Care Unit while waiting for the arrivals of his family.

The initial prognosis of his cousin was grim. Having exposed to chill and rain for an extended period and in a state of total exhaustion, Darcy had pneumonia and was now running a dangerously high fever. Unless the fever broke... Alex refrained himself from thinking of the worst.

"How's the master?" Clarke, the first to arrive, was visually shaken by the turn of his master. He admonished himself of not being there when Darcy returned. While Alex was trying to calm the old housekeeper, he began to relay Darcy's condition as simple as possible.

"Alex, how is he?" Beverly Edwards cried as soon as she saw Alex. Her husband, Robert, and Richard were not far behind.

"Damn that new business venture!" exploded Robert uncharacteristically. His target, Arthur, arrived just in time to take the blow. While everyone's emotion was running high, Richard intervened.

"Look, " he began, "we need to be strong for Darcy's sake."

Arthur lamented about Darcy's condition for he felt responsible for it. He should have stopped Darcy when he went on with such a vengeance in Geneva. Robert and Beverly also felt responsible, for they felt that they should have checked up on their nephew more often. They should have known that there was something amiss when Darcy did not celebrate the last holiday with the usual style.

"If anything happened to Darcy," Robert's voice was shaken, "how could I ever answer George and Ann?"

At this moment the door of the Intensive Care Unit swung opened, Dr. Raphael Balint, a respectable-looking physician in his late forties, walked out and approached the distressed group.

"Raphael!" Alex began, "How's Darcy?" Dr. Balint was Alex's colleague and Darcy's acquaintance.

"It's hard to say," the doctor replied, choosing each word very carefully. "The next several hours will be critical. He caught the more serious form of pneumonia, and his body was quite weak to begin with. We're doing everything we can at this point." Looking at the stricken faces before him, he continued.

"I'd recommend all of you to get some rest if you can, other than waiting and hoping for the best, there's really little you can do now."

He then remained standing while watching the family in compassionate silence, allowing them to grief. At long last, everyone was reluctant to leave. They took turn waiting for Darcy's progress and spending time at the chapel in the hospital.

... In a nearly unconscious state, Darcy felt himself drifting into darkness and engulfing by frigid water. The next instance, he felt his hands touching an object, and when he shook off the water from his face, he saw a little lifeboat there. With what was remained of his depleted body, he climbed onto it. At first, too tired to steer, he let the current brought him along. As soon as he felt able, he began to steer.

Navigating the lifeboat alone in the treacherous sea, he felt the course was most uncertain. As the rain continued to fall, he had to empty the water with his hands from the little boat in order to stay afloat. Would he ever reach shore?

"Mom! Dad!" he cried in despair, "I've done all I could, but I'm too weary to continue this journey on my own. I must join you now, please forgive me!"

As he pleaded, in the misty distance, he thought he saw the faces of his loving parents, who came to respond to the calling of their loving son.

"Our dear son," said the phantoms with compassion and encouragement, "you've done well and we're very proud of you! In the lonely journey of life, regretfully, we've deserved you so long ago. If this brings you any comfort, in the dark hours of your life, remember this: Day and night, Seedtime and harvest, heat and hoary frost, Shall hold their course.* We all walk the path that was given by the All Mighty, just believe in Him, then you'd know that you're in good hands."

While he pondered his parents' words, just as mysteriously they appeared, they disappeared into the mystic sea.

"Please don't forsake me," he tried to call for their return, "I can't go on this way!"

He broke down in tears when he realized that he was alone again. For how long he had cried, he was not aware, all he knew that never before in his life he felt so alone.

He resorted to the parting words of his parents, and when at last he raised his head and looked into the distance, he thought he saw a beacon in the sea. At the same time, he thought he heard a sweet chorus from the sky above.

May you never take one single breath for granted...

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance...

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance...**

While he thus listened, he found himself paddling towards the beacon with renewed energy, until at last he caught a glimpse of the welcoming shore...

* Milton

** I Hope You Dance (see Chapter 13: I Hope You Dance, for complete lyrics)

Chapter 16: Tapestry

The day finally arrived when Darcy was discharged from the hospital. One could imagine the relief felt by all, especially those who held him dearly to their hearts. The season so far had more than its shares of incessant rain and chilly wind, so when the weather for the day turned out to be mild and sunny, Alex could not help hoping that as a promising sign of Darcy's recovery. He was entrusted with the task of bringing his cousin back to Ackerley where Clarke eagerly awaited.

Dr. Balint's prescribed regimental protocol consisted of medication, plentiful rest, moderate exercise, proper diet, and a follow-up visit in six weeks time. Before he turned over his patient to Alex, however, he thought of something else.

"Alex," he began, "are you aware of any particularly stressful event in your cousin's life lately."

"What do you mean, Raphael?" asked Alex with trepidation.

"Well," continued Dr. Balint, "other than the obvious, I have a hunch there was something else, perhaps something of a more personal nature that may have triggered his condition."

Claudia's face immediately rose before him. Perhaps Darcy was aware of her shift in affection and distressed by it? He flinched uncomfortably at that thought as he replied, "I...I'm not sure."

"I was hoping that you'd have some clue," Dr. Balint was visibly disappointed. "Overall, he responded to the medical treatment well. I've known him long enough to know that although he's reserved, he's always full of determination and inner drive. But... just look at him now, he's so dispirited and silent..." He shook his head and sighed before he continued, "We need to be very cautious of anything that may have an adverse affect on him as he's still quite weak. Let me know right away if there's anything out of the ordinary. And, one more thing, I would restrict visitors to a minimum, better yet, none for now until he's fully recovered."

"Thanks for everything, Raphael," Alex was grateful of his friend's genuine concern. "We'll keep a close watch on him."

During Darcy's recovery, visitors were restricted to a minimum. On the business side, since Darcy was a major presence and had extensive dealings with private and government entities, both domestically and internationally, Arthur decided to minimize public knowledge of his condition until he was ready to resume work.

While he pondered on Dr. Balint's parting words, Alex thought about Darcy's behaviors over the past year. While Claudia was still in the back of his mind, glimpses of indescribable expression in his cousin's eyes and a slow sigh that followed suddenly surfaced. Such expression, seemingly a mixture of longing, melancholy and helplessness, was unbeknownst to him before, and at time, it was so pungent that no one would dare to intrude. Upon reflection, it seemed apparent that Darcy had tried to suppress public display of his intimate thoughts whenever feeling caught off guard.

Unsettled by this realization, Alex consulted Arthur with the hope of finding some clue on what had really triggered Darcy's illness. Together they contacted the Geneva task force. After numerous interviews, they were discouraged to find nothing could shed any light on the matter.

When Arthur remembered the house by the lake, Alex contacted the housekeeper immediately. At first, the housekeeper did not remember anything out of the ordinary. There were hardly any visitors since Darcy practically lived in the office, only returning to the house for a late dinner and a quick rest before resuming work the next day. However, when Alex persisted, the housekeeper remembered one thing.

"When I called him for dinner," the housekeeper provided, "I'd often found him in the library sitting on the chair facing the fireplace, and staring at this tapestry above it."

"Tapestry? What's it like?" Alex was all curiosity now.

"Well, it's hard to say," the housekeeper replied. "It looked like some flowers and a profile of a person or some sort, but I can't really tell."

Alex was frustrated that this lead did not provide anything to his satisfaction either. Nonetheless, he relayed these findings to Arthur. At the end, they had little choice but vow to keep a closer watch on Darcy.

After four weeks of rest and following all the doctor's order, Darcy' health and strength gradually returned. It felt good to be able to move around the house again. While indoors, he spent time mostly catching up with the latest researches and industry and government regulations. For pleasure, he read and played the piano, which he found soothing. Whenever a chess partner was available, he engaged in that activity as well. When weather permitted and he was feeling able, he took solitary walks on the Ackerley grounds. Gradually, concerts, museums, and light gardening were added to the list of activities conducive to his recovery.

Whether he liked it or not, the confinement left him plenty of time to think -- and think hard he did. He had been foolish, he finally concluded, that he had allowed a nonsensical obsession to rule -- no, to nearly ruin his life. No matter how he looked at it, he must preserve his family estates as prosperous as when they were left to him. The staff in the two great houses depended on him. Besides, his current profession provided good causes for others, which had been, and would continue to be, his goal. Perhaps he was different from most men, but having a few insipid experiences rendered him little regret in the lack of companionship thereafter. He had long concluded that that were many things in life with nobler cause, and that were much more worthwhile, meaningful, and fulfilling.

Why should he allow this passing fancy dictate him now?

During his confinement, his appearance was the last thing in his mind; consequently, his hair had become an unruly mess. When it was time to make himself more presentable, a hairstylist came for the task. His hair was trimmed to its former style. However, after looking at his reflection in the mirror, he decided to retain the mustache and some of the facial hair. The final effect was a darker variation of his former self: the same distinguished, quiet elegant presence, infused with a light touch of sardonic, dangerous air. Now he looked more formidable then ever.

While he was pondering about his absence and its effect on work one day, he recalled that due to his hasty return to Ackerley, the rental house in Geneva was not yet properly vacant. Without a second thought, he made all the necessary arrangements to go there.

Clarke was yet to recover from the recent episode. Although it was by no means his fault, he felt responsible nonetheless. But most importantly, he was genuinely concerned about his master's well being. It was only natural that he insisted on accompanying Darcy on the first flight since the traumatic event. But his good intention was declined. Understanding the good housekeeper's anxiety, Darcy reassured him that he was fit enough for travel, and he would return in no time.

The house by Lake Geneva was just as Darcy had left it over a month ago, and under his explicit order, it had been untraversed ever since. He walked to the one place with purpose. There, still hanging on the wall above the fireplace was a tapestry woven in pure silk in colors of predominately black and white.

When he first arrived in Geneva, it was during one of those maddening moments that he dashed out and had the tapestry custom-made. It depicted her, that section extracted from the engagement picture. Random mixtures of lily, lilac, rose, peony and violet leaves in miniature forms framed the border on the top and the two sides, while life size lily-of-the valley framed the bottom border -- all of these were woven with silk of a paler version of their natural colors.

He purposely made her profile obscure, having more shades in black than white. The effect of the person depicted in the tapestry did not quite resemble the original picture, let alone the person herself. Nevertheless, she was the light that flashed across the shades, the color that warmed the sober tapestry. Above all, she lived in his mind, and when he gazed at the tapestry, he felt her presence all over again.

Ever so slowly, he retrieved it from the wall and gently rolled it up into a bundle. Without looking back, he left the house just as quickly he came.

At the beginning of June, Darcy returned to work. Not surprisingly, he was welcomed heartily and showered with abundant good wishes. The happiness Arthur felt upon seeing Darcy was so great that while embracing him with the utmost fervor, unknowingly, he let a few tears fall.

Early summer, Aaron and Aster spent a week with Glen away from home. As she left behind, Elyse enjoyed the quiet time, being freed from the usual duties. Her children meant the world to her, yet she welcomed and indulged herself in these rare, solitary moments. As she cuddled up on the loveseat in the living room, she reflected on all the extraordinary events that had occurred over this past year.

Glen had started a seemingly satisfactory life in his new wife's house a few towns away. Other than when he came for Aaron and Aster, she hardly saw or talked to him. By now, Elyse had learned to accept life as it was thrust upon her. Still, there were times, whenever a precious memory invaded her thought, a few tears still threatened to escape. Although she would always treasure those special moments, she had resolved to think only of the past as its remembrance gave her pleasure.

Aaron and Aster adjusted to the new life much better than expected. She was relieved and it eased her burden substantially. They had settled in their new home comfortably, gradually becoming acquainted with the neighbors. They were particularly fond of the elder couple, Paul and Katherine Bailey, nearby.

Before the divorce, Glen was usually home when Aaron and Aster arrived from school. Since then, an alternative arrangement was needed. It could be difficult, as the caretaker must be willing and able to deal with Aster's special needs. When the gentle couple came by one day to welcome them to the neighborhood, and upon hearing her needs, they were eager to help. One could imagine how grateful Elyse was. Since then, the two families had become good friends.

Paul was a retired pediatrician, although approaching seventies, his health was still excellent. His favorite pastime included reading, walking, involving in the community, and staying current in his field. His dedication and close ties with his peers had deemed him a highly regarded resource. He was often sought after for consultation services. His wife, Katherine, was a retired middle school teacher in her mid sixties who shared most of his hobbies. They had a son, a daughter and three grandchildren, all living in the Mid West. Because of their status, they could have lived in a much more affluent area. However, they were indifferent to materialistic things, and were perfectly satisfied where they were. Besides, in the area where they had lived and worked, they had made many friends over the years. When they retired several years ago, they decided to stay in the same area by selling their house and moving into the current townhouse.

They were very sympathetic of their young neighbors. Since their own grandchildren came visit infrequently, they doted on Aaron and Aster. When Elyse learned that Katherine was quite proficient on the piano, she was thrilled because she had been looking for another piano teacher. Katherine was more than willing, and was not about accept any fee until Elyse insisted upon it. Other than their kindness, the couple provided much guidance to their young neighbors -- from Aster's conditions, school enrichments, to the teaching profession. They were only too pleased that their opinions were valued.

"Elyse!" cried Arthur, "What a pleasant surprise!"

Elyse was no less surprised than he was. They met only once, when she was still at Ackerley. She had not seen him since and was surprised he still remembered her.

"Dr. Finley!" she cried in return, "it's been awhile, how are you? Are you taking classes here too?"

She was attending another company-sponsored class conducted by a training vendor in the building. It was not uncommon to meet people from other companies here. However, she was very curious in seeing Arthur here because, as she recalled, his company was in a completely different business sector than hers. As if reading her mind, he responded.

"It's Arthur, please," he smiled. "Indeed, our company has been prospering so well that I've thinking about making some major improvement in our operation infrastructure. If done correctly, it should help us to deliver the right information to the right people at the right time. Since I'm a novice at that, I come here to learn more."

It was about lunch time so he asked Elyse to join him at a restaurant nearby. Their conversation naturally turned to the latest happenings in each other's lives. He spoke enthusiastically about his company and eventually leading up to Darcy's recent illness.

"We're so worried about him," he said in a solemn voice, still feeling the blow. "Granted, the Geneva venture was a tremendous success, but I should have stopped him from over exhausting himself. It's so typical of him, whatever he chooses to do, he'll put on more than one hundred percents."

Elyse had heard about Darcy's illness. Charlotte mentioned it casually the last time they spoke. However, either Charlotte downplayed the seriousness of it or that did not get registered in her mind, the true nature of the situation sort of eluded her. She did recall Charlotte emphasizing the part about restricted visit. Come to think of it, that should have alerted her. She could only reason she was preoccupied with too many things in her life then. Anyway, she did the best she could at the time by sending Darcy a well-wish offering.

Presently, seeing the concerns on Arthur's face, she could not help admonishing herself of not following up with at least a phone call. She should have called Clarke to find out more. For Heaven's sake! The man was generous enough to let you stay under his roof for a whole academic year!

Truth be told, however, she was not sure she had the nerve to intrude upon the man again. Other than gratitude, stemming from his generosity of letting her to stay at Ackerley, and the admiration of his many accomplishments, Elyse had little other feelings for Darcy. Besides, she hardly understood the man. The last time she saw him was at Geoffrey's birthday party, and he hardly spoke to her then. She was not offended because other than a few rare occasions, it was not unlike how he had acted towards her during their acquaintance. Given her station in life, and just being the way she was, she understood perfectly how she was perceived and treated accordingly. Her wandering thought was brought back by a growl from her companion.

"As if he had not learned anything from it," Arthur huffed, "he is now in Stockholm, checking up on some researches!"

Notwithstanding what little regard she thought Darcy had for her, Elyse was relieved to hear that he was well enough to return to work. The conversation then turned towards her work. Surprisingly, Arthur was very much interested in her opinion on system infrastructure. Since the subject matter was familiar to her, without hesitation, she offered whatever came to mind. Her audience listened most attentively, and based on what he had learned on the subject, he was impressed with her knowledge. When she was done, he had a proposition ready.

"Elyse," he offered, "how about coming to my office and talk to some of the people there. I think we can need your help on this."

Elyse was astonished and could not believe what she was hearing. Before she could respond, Arthur smiled and continued, "Of course, we'll pay you for the initial assessment, and if we need to proceed further, such as preparing a formal recommendation, or something along that line, we can talk about that later. What do you think?"

"What do I think indeed!" Elyse said to herself. This was quite extraordinary. To think that a man in Arthur's status condescended to ask a 'nobody' for suggestions was beyond her wildest dream! This was ironic indeed since it was just moments ago she had discounted herself in her musing.

"Oh," she was visibly shocked, "I'm afraid that I must have misled you. What I've just said are purely elementary!"

"Now Elyse," Arthur sounded a little offended, "believe me, I'll not ask if I think otherwise, unless, perhaps, you're not interested, or your schedule doesn't permit, which, I can understand, but I can't say I'm not disappointed if that's the case."

Still trying to recover from the shock, she thought about this unexpected opportunity, and think fast she did. To her delight, the more she thought about it, the more appealing it became. For one thing, this was something she knew she could do. Besides, now that she was on her own, the extra income would help. She could put it away for Aaron's college education. That did it!

"Arthur, if you put it that way, when can I begin? But don't say that I haven't warned you!" Her whole-heartedly laughter was joined by Arthur's.

While watching the sun slowly disappearing beyond the confines of the windows, Elyse's thought returned to the present. She lowered her gaze to the sofa she was sitting, leisurely tracing the intricate patterns on the pale-green fabric with her fingers.

So much had occurred in her life, and these events, like the threads woven into the tapestry of life, intertwined not only in one's own life, but also the lives' of others. How the ultimate pattern present itself would depend on the quality and the color of the threads, and with what dexterity and effort they were put in weaving it together.

Chapter 17: Something Promising

Full of sound and fury, wave after relentless wave hurled itself at the shore, sending plumes of ocean spray into the air. The sunset at coastal Maine was as dazzling as ever. Leaning against the railing, Darcy looked out into the ocean and let nature claimed him. He had often found tranquillity in this special place. Its panoramic view and spellbinding sights and sounds had rarely failed to provide respite from his hectic life.

After resuming the exercise regime and paying special attention to his health, he had regained most of his strength although not his flesh. Overall, given the previous grave condition, he was as healthy as could be. It was fortunate, Dr. Balint had told him, that Alex found him before it was too late. He still shuddered at that thought.

The guests would arrive tomorrow to celebrate Geoffrey's birthday. Other than Arthur, who insisted on coming, it would be a family-only affair this year. Of this, he should have felt relieved. Yet, he could not disregard the inner whisper that persisted he was more than a little disappointed at that prospect.

Since the recent episode, he had mastered the art of concealing and severing his longing of her, or so he thought. On the day he returned from Geneva, he put away her mementos, and he congratulated himself in resisting the urge to unlock them ever since. Occasionally, when her name was mentioned, he was convinced that he did not response as violently as before, that at last he was freed from this passing fancy, and that she no longer held any power over him. Still, neither such conviction nor the one-year absence could stop him from wanting to know what he should not.

As soon as Richard and Charlotte arrived, they were bombarded with such questions as 'when would the big day be.' Being engaged for over a year, they could easily understand these inquires. Hence, they responded with much forbearance. As it turned out, they were still waiting for the completion of their new house, which Richard personally designed. Since they really wanted to move in by the time they married, they had decided to wait just a little longer.

Arthur was the last to arrive. He usually did not like to intrude on such intimate family gathering. However, since he was still very much concerned about Darcy's health, he had decided to visit more frequently, hoping to alleviate some of his protégé's workloads. After greeting the family, he led Darcy to their usual business corner away from the rest. He began by briefing on the latest business issues. It was not long before he broke the news about enlisting Elyse's service.

"Darcy," while taking out a report casually, Arthur suggested, "you should take a look at her proposal, it's something promising, if I may say so."

The remotest chance that the paths between these two would ever cross -- and cross they did -- was beyond Darcy's wildest dream! His astonishment only heightened when Arthur continued to reveal with such enthusiasm, knowing only too well that his mentor did not approve anyone lightly, let alone in a case such as this.

Unable to assimilate this sudden gush of revelation, he almost groaned out loud but he stopped himself just in time. With much agitation, he got up and headed for the refreshment table across the room. Once there, he commanded his trembling hands to refill his already half-filled glass. When he thought he had regained enough of his fleeting faculties, he swallowed the content as slowly as he could but without really knowing what it was. With what he believed were much steadier hands, he refilled the glass again. Finally, with deliberate ease, he returned to his seat.

"Really?" he replied in a detached air. "How did that come about?"

This was encouragement enough. With much animation, Arthur related the entire story as how he met Elyse at the training center and all.

"She came by two weeks ago," Arthur resumed, "and met with Steve Remington, you know, the one who is in charge of system infrastructure. She sent me this last week." Pointing at the report, he continued, "I gave copies to a few key people to review. Elyse said she'll revise it based on our latest feedback."

"How did she manage to do all that?" The question blurted out against his will. "I thought she is working full time already." He was about to stop at that, but could not resist by adding, "does she still take classes at Neuhausen?"

"Yes, she still does, but only one class per semester," smiling, Arthur put in. "Look, I know you don't like to be disturbed while you're here, but, do take a look at the report and let me know what you think, ok? It shouldn't take long."

After dinner, everyone gathered around the open fire to resume the usual pleasantries. Darcy opted for a solitary walk towards the weathered rocks at the far end of the beaches. Unknowingly, he reached the exact same spot where she had stood last year. As he watched the ebb and flow, his newly ignited emotions were not unlike the relentless waves.

Is there no end to this crossing of path?

For sure, he would meet her again sooner or later -- at least one more time during Richard's wedding -- it was inevitable. But now with Arthur's intervention, what was he supposed to do? How could he ever be freed from her?

While Darcy was contemplating the days to come, Alex eyed him from a distance warily. He still had his suspicion on the cause of his cousin's distress, and he could not rest until he found out the truth. With determination, he got up and walked towards him.

"Darcy," Alex began when he reached where Darcy was standing, "there's something I meant to talk to you for sometimes now, but... I don't know where to begin."

As expected, he was met with his cousin's raised eyebrows. Nonetheless, holding his gaze, he plunged in, "I really don't like to pry into your private life, but... but... what's between you and Claudia?"

"Claudia!" Darcy cried incredulously, "Alex, what do you wish to know between Claudia and me?"

"Well... " Alex stammered, he had anticipated that this would not receive well, but he needed to know. "Do you still have feelings for her?"

Darcy was dumbfounded, both at the question and his cousin's audacity, which were totally uncharacteristic of him. Their family tie had always been uncommonly strong, with his cousins more like brothers. Moreover, since childhood, there was this extra special affinity between Alex and him. Even so, they had always respected each other's privacy, especially when it came to matters such as these. Besides, it was so long ago, and there were other women in his past, although all having similar outcome.

Did he still have feelings for Claudia? Certainly not. Did he ever have feelings for her? Claudia possessed all the 'right' qualities for anyone in his station, and he was fully aware of her affection at the time. However, he had always been honest with her and himself. Feeling that nothing would come out of it, he had decided to let go before there was any more entanglement. He never had any regret or thought of her much since. In retrospect, he could honestly say that he had little feelings for her or anyone in that matter. No one, no one, could even remotely hold a candle to... Caught himself drifting into that familiar futile path, he halted himself. Choosing each word very carefully, he finally responded.

"It was ancient history, and it was over before it had began. Why did you ask?"

"Well," a sense of relief washed over Alex, "just before her transfer, she said she felt strongly for me. You know only too well that I'm not ready for anything of the kind right now, perhaps never." His voice faltered as he thought of his beloved wife. After a few moments, he continued, "you seemed so out of sort lately, actually, for quite some time now, I think. I've never seen you this way. So... I thought... perhaps... perhaps you knew that Claudia had a change in heart and you were distressed by it."

Darcy was moved by Alex's genuine concern, and he reassured him that there was no need for it. Alex was visually relieved and was glad that they had this conversation.

"While we're at it," Alex decided to probe again, "if Claudia wasn't the cause, then why are you so silent and grave this past year?"

Am I that transparent? Darcy cursed himself. Evidently, contrary to his belief, he had not yet mastered the art of concealment after all. He must exercise more self-control!

"Alex, I thank you for the concern," he reaffirmed his cousin. "I can't possibly find a dearer cousin, and as you know, you're more like a brother to me. Do not concern yourself with me too much, concentrate on Geoffrey instead. He needs you more than ever now."

"Poor Geoffrey," said Alex, while watching his young son from a distance, "I worry about him, having lost his mother at an early age. Only Elyse and her kids seem to able to bring him out. He was very disappointed that they couldn't come this year, as you recall, he had so much fun last year."

Darcy remembered that only too well. However, that was the only topic he did not want to hear, think, or talk about, and he had to remind himself to remain as unaffected as possible. He motioned Alex to return to the others while switching to a safer topic.

Unfortunately, Darcy's intended avoidance did not last long. By the time the two rejoined the group, Arthur had spread the news about Elyse. Charlotte was the only not surprised by it, having the advantage of being previously informed.

"Yes," said Charlotte, "I'm glad that you're pleased with her work, Arthur. She never disappoints. That's why she has advanced steadily within the company. It was not easy for her, you know, with all the other commitments and responsibilities, especially when they just moved into a new place... "

"Oh?" Alex was the first to interrupt, this was news to him. "I didn't know that, I was just talking to her on the phone the other day, she didn't mention that at all. What happened? Didn't they like where they were?"

"Well... " Charlotte was about to say something about the divorce but remembering her promise of secrecy, she stopped herself just in time. "Well, I'm sure they had their reasons... " While the others listened curiously, Charlotte left it at that and switched to another topic.

After the last guest had departed on the following day, the sounds of the waves and the callings of the gulls and loons were the only sounds heard in the vicinity of the summer home. The sun had sunk into the horizon long ago, leaving a conglomerate of celestial objects in the dark sky above. While looking through the picturesque windows with a single hurricane lamp illuminating the darkness inside, Darcy sat on his favorite chair with his fingers unconsciously caressing the report that Arthur had left behind.

Unbidden, something urged him to lower his gaze. Upon seeing what was there, all movements in his fingers ceased. Here laid another memento of hers, something that would reveal her presence. Wait, other than the pewter frame and the tapestry, there was another. Impulsively, he put the report on the lamp table and went to his bedroom, only returning shortly with a teddy bear in his hands. He smiled at it lovingly as he resumed his seat.

It was a Bear-Gram sent to him at Ackerley one day in late May. It was coined the Feel Better Bear*. Made of buttercream colored fur and dressed in a blue flannel robe and blue fuzzy slippers, it was found inside the unique gift box, together with a box of chocolate and a note that read:

We're sending you this Bear Hug to hope you're feeling better.

It was signed: "From Elyse, Aaron, and Aster."

He still remembered how astonished he was upon seeing it. He did not expect to receive anything from her, let alone this. No one had ever sent him anything of the kind. He remembered how he had laughed out loud in spite of himself. He touched the bear tenderly before setting it on the lamp table. But when his eyes caught the report lying there, his smile turned to wistfulness instead.

Compared to the much more appealing plush, the pile of cold, impersonal paper meant so much more. His gaze never wavered from the latter. It was something she had touched. By touching it in return, he felt as if he could reach out and touched her in return. He asked himself if he had the strength to do it. What would it reveal? Was he ready for this? After many struggles, he finally succumbed to the temptation by reaching out, but not without deluding himself first.

"It's only a report, what harm could it do just by looking at it?" he convinced himself. "Arthur wishes me to take a look, and as it impacts the company, so I will."

So he did. Since it was only a draft proposal and based on some preliminary information, evidently provided by his staff, the report was not lengthy. However, as he read through it, first by skimping over, then with more attention at the details, he was pleasantly surprised. By the time the last word was reached, he had to admit that other than system infrastructure that the report was focused on, the author had a good grasp of the overall company operation as well as its strategic directions.

As Arthur was more in tune with that side of the company operation, he usually paid little attention to it. Nevertheless, it did not matter, as the report was presented in such a way that any reader would find it easy to follow. He was impressed. When he found himself agreeing with most of the recommendations, he just realized that, by some odd coincidence, they were compatible -- no, actually complementary -- to some of the key improvement plans he had devised so far!

Upon this unexpected discovery, with his critical eyes, he decided to take a second look. When he was finally done, the most astounding realization dawned on him -- these separate ideas had the potential of converging seamlessly into the company operation! Being a visionary, he believed a strategy, based on these combined ideas, could result in much more positive impact. He was elated.

Something promising indeed!

While still feeling invigorated, he convinced himself that the pulse racing through his body was attributed to the discovery of an innovative strategy, and nothing more. Picking up a fountain pen from the stationary set nearby, he began to write down his comments in earnest.

"Well," he said to himself after he was done, "this will go back to Arthur, and he can decide what to do with it. And -- that -- will be the end of it."

* Feel Better Bear - from the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. To see what it looks like, click on the link below, or enter the following URL in your Internet browser: http://www.vermontteddybear.com/isroot/vtbear/Images/product/large/KK0015546_large.jpg

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