Beginning, Previous Section, Section IX

Jump to new as of February 25, 2003

Chapter 34: Tempest to the Sea

Glancing down at the briar pipe, Darcy remembered what his father used to do whenever quiet contemplation was needed to soothe away troubling thoughts. Neither he nor his father was a smoker, however, as if continuing the circle of life, he was about to do the same.

From the rosewood chest, he retrieved the simple elegant pipe. After filling it with his favorite blend of tobacco, he began the delicate process of lighting it. Once a steady flow was established, he leaned back on the leather chair. For a good while, he did nothing except puffing and letting himself unwind. The rhythmic way of the art, and the slow-burning, satisfying smoke provided the welcome tranquillity.

When next he glanced out the windows, darkening clouds and drenching rain met his eyes through the web of drifting smoke. Almost instantly, his whole being was in concert with what he saw.

Was raining in my heart
Falling deep inside of me
Drowning in my soul
This silence rushes over me *

Startled at how easily his mind had become astray, abruptly he shifted his gaze to the folders on the large mahogany desk.

Arthur should be here soon. He had gone to a conference in Washington D.C. with Elyse. Since their last meeting was not quite finished, Arthur promised to drop by after the conference.

Arthur. Elyse.

As each name echoed in his mind, he groaned, and sighed.

After that unprecedented outburst, he had not seen Arthur. Truth be told, he was not ready to face him yet. Oddly enough, however, now that his deepest secret was revealed, as if a heavy load had been unladed, his chest had felt less constricted.

Elyse.

Time and resignation had made it easier for him to accept the idea of her being just a friend. Still, the thought of her with someone else never failed to drive him to near insanity. Steve's personal leave did not seem to hamper their relationship. Just last week, she had gone to see him. Tormented, he pushed away from his desk; but that could not shake off the thought of what they might have had been doing together. His fingers ruffling his hair, he glanced out the windows. Perhaps he could take solace in that unexpected development. Unbidden, his thought turned to the very thought of it.

He had returned to the office for a board meeting. To his surprise, there was an urgent message from Steve. After staring at it for a few minutes, he called him in. But, what surprised him more was the resignation letter that was handed over. Steve had decided to remain in France, so that he could take charge of the family business until his brother was fully recovered.

During the interview, Darcy studied his rival intently. Somehow, Steve did not look like a man who just had a visit from his beloved. If he were in his shoes, Darcy surmised, he would still be basking in the afterglow. Shocked at his audacity and ungracious thoughts, he gathered himself and focused on his now former employee.

"I'm really sorry to hear it," said Darcy after putting down the letter.

Regardless of Steve's relationship with the woman he loved, he could not find fault in his work performance. In fact, over the years, Steve had contributed much to the company's success.

"I'm sorry too, Darcy," said Steve sullenly. "Believe me, it wasn't easy, but I can no longer neglect my duties. It's about time I do what I ought." After taking a deep breath, he continued, "I know this would put you in a spot, given such short notice."

Darcy nodded gravely. Indeed, it would not be easy to find his replacement. Before he could comment, Steve continued.

"I have no doubt that Elyse can handle the work. I understand while I was on leave, she has taken on some of my responsibilities. But given her family obligation and study, it'd be too much... " Steve trailed off, his voice sound half-choked to Darcy's ears. Straightening up his shoulders, he resumed, "Should you consider this, there's someone I'd highly recommend. In fact, Elyse worked with him before. I don't mean to be presumptuous, but it's something worth looking into."

Personal issues aside, Darcy could not but feel gratified for Steve's considerations and thoroughness. He nodded appreciatively.

"Thanks for the lead, Steve, I'll certainly consider it. It's not easy to say goodbye, you know, after what we've been through. Arthur and I truly appreciate all your contributions, and I hope we've never given you reasons to doubt that. I can only wish you the best in your future endeavors," said Darcy with feelings.

"Yes, it's not easy to say goodbye..." said Steve hoarsely. His words unfinished as his thought drifted to Elyse. If only she could have been more receptive of his regards, things might have turned out differently. At least he would not have taken these drastic measures. Since his love was unrequited, this would offer the cleanest break. Unconsciously, he drew in a deep breath.

The odd expressions raging through Steve's face could not be ignored. Darcy watched him in silent curiosity. Suddenly, that curiosity triggered a burning desire, urging him to know more.

"What are your plans, Steve? Do you plan to return to the states after your brother is recovered? If so, we can work something out," Darcy asked tentatively, trying to modulate the anxious tone in his voice.

"Highly unlikely. There is so much to be done. It's not until this past few months that I've come to realize that. Besides... besides, I've already put my townhouse on the market... "

Again, Steve's voice trailed off. For a few seconds, he stopped entirely and looked out the windows abstractedly. At length, he returned his attentions to Darcy.

"Well, I guess I'll go clean up my office. Thanks again, Darcy, there are only a few people I admire in my life. You and Arthur are two of them."

He got up and shook Darcy's hands before exiting the office.

That was a few days ago. Not being in the office since then, Darcy did not know how Elyse had taken the news. How Steve had acted and looked that day was still vivid in his mind. He had never seen him so solemn, so sad. Gone was all the liveliness, instead, there was lingering discontent. He had almost ventured to interpret that as some sort of disappointment and regret. Even now, he could not help sympathizing with Steve's obvious anguish.

What could have caused that? Was it the distance now imposed on the lovers? Did Elyse feel the same? How would Steve's resignation affect their relationship? Would they keep it going regardless of the distance? Certainly, it was possible. Long-distance romance, while not easy to maintain, was not uncommon.

The unsavory wish that distance might hinder or even put an end to their relationship made Darcy feel less of a man. Yet, he could not deny the anticipatory pleasure should that wish come true. At Steve's confirmation of his unlikely return, his wilted hope was now revived. But what could he do?

Since there was nothing he could do, he returned his attention to the folders on the desk. He had taken Steve's advice and contacted the potential candidate. Everything seemed impeccable. Since Arthur would be here shortly, he would let him handle the interview and possibly, the hiring as well.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Still holding his pipe, he got up, fully expecting to greet his mentor. As soon as he opened the door, however, to his utter surprise, it was not Arthur standing outside.

"Hello, Darcy," began Elyse in a tentative tone.

Darcy was visually shocked, and he remained so upon seeing no sign of Arthur. Repressing the urge to ask, he motioned her to come in. As if reading his mind, Elyse began as soon as she stepped inside.

"I'm sure you didn't expect me. I didn't expect this side trip either." She continued after the door was closed while removing her raincoat. "Arthur has caught up with an old acquaintance at the conference. He suggests that I come instead, so that at least we can begin reviewing the draft operation plans. He should be here in a few hours. He sends you his apology, and I give you mine. This, I'm afraid, must've interrupted your schedule."

Her long explanation saved him the trouble of an immediate greeting. For that he could not but feel thankful. From the moment his eyes lay on her, he was again shaken by her presence and blinded by her light. As if the pipe was his anchor, his held onto it with all his might. At the same time, he found himself rambling.

"Yes, I am surprised. But no... no, you're not interrupting anything." Taking over her raincoat with his other hand, he continued, "Can... can I get you something?" He glanced towards the direction of the kitchen as he offered.

"Some seltzer water will do, thanks." Elyse smiled, grateful to see that he did not seem irritated by the intrusion. She had suggested Arthur to call ahead, but he had said it was unnecessary.

As Darcy walked by, a trail of the mellow aroma drifted behind. Caught by nostalgia and quite unconsciously, Elyse inhaled deeply. She discerned that unique tobacco blend only too well. The distinctive scent triggered memories of Ackerley. Since reminiscence could be a dangerous thing, she forced herself to remember why she was here in the first place.

She began to look around, and to her relief, she found the familiar folder on the desk. Just when she was about to open it, she saw her host approaching and decided to meet him halfway. As soon as he was near, she smiled up at him warmly.

"There," said Darcy, handing her the glass.

He tried not to stare, but it was as impossible as not to breathe. All these years that did not matter in the least. She still stole his breath and made his heart stand still. Like a rainbow, she cast such a spectrum that defied even the dreariest day. His admiration of her had long since transcended all superficiality. Yet, his mouth still went dry at how effortlessly lovely she looked. He had escorted women to elegant parties who, in all their finery, could not hold a candle to the woman before him in blue jeans and white T-shirt.

Not trusting himself, he had to look away. He told himself that he should really get to work. Satisfied with his self-control, he was about to put his pipe away when he heard her.

"Gold Block," said Elyse, inhaling deeply with her eyes closed.

Startled, Darcy repeated, "Gold Block." Pleased and surprised, he smiled faintly. "You still remember." His eyes had since returned to her.

"How can I not?" Eyes now fully opened and flashing, she protested softly, "It's part of Ackerley. Besides, while I was there, it used to drift into my room." Unprepared for the sudden knot twisting inside her, she decided to change the subject. Gesturing at the desk, she continued. "So, I'm ready when you are."

Disarmed by her words, Darcy could not immediately process their meanings and his eyes mirrored his uncertainty. Amused, she chuckled softly and peered up at him with a mischievous grin that was uniquely hers.

"There are a few things we need to discuss. A good authority has instructed me to get them started until he arrives."

The arching of her elegant eyebrows supplied further provocation. As usual, she was oblivious of neither her charms nor their effect on her ardent admirer.

Darcy almost groaned. How could he possibly concentrate? Although the summer home was quite spacious, suddenly, it seemed not nearly spacious enough. However, since escape was not an option, he could only remain standing, waiting for her to begin.

While she had all the appearances of her usual self, now standing so close, Darcy could not help noticing a hint of overcast on her lovely face. Instantly, his heart lurched violently and his protectiveness took over.

Is it because of Steve? Has he mistreated her in any way?

He flexed his jaws dangerously. He did not know why he had this irrational need to know how much Steve meant to her. Trying to decipher her true feelings, he pinned her with laser-light intensity.

Almost since the beginning of their acquaintance, she had found his staring disconcerting. But since that fateful night, it had evoked so much more. It conjured a recollection of forbidden memories and contrasting wishes. Attempting to disconnect from the magnetic charge of his eyes, she forced a smile and prodded.

"Well, shall we begin? Arthur won't be pleased." After putting away the seltzer water, she returned to the desk where the documents in question lay.

As Elyse walked past Darcy, a trail of her unique scent drifted to his nostril. But there was more. Her long hair, like a soft caress, brushed his bared arm ever so gently. Startled, but just as quickly, he felt that gentle caress wound its way inside him, finding its way to soothe his wounded soul. Like a man in desert, he was thirsty for more. A sudden and overwhelming desire wanted so desperately to reach out, to run his fingers through her hair.

It was then that he noticed her face was only about a foot away. Immediately, his eyes sought hers. When she said nothing, only staring at him in her usual way, he knew he was again undone. Agitated, he turned to pace away his frustration.

Some discipline is in order!

After a few turns, he took his commanding seat at the huge desk. With one hand still holding the pipe, he reached out for the documents with the other, determined to focus on the task at hand.

In the next hour, while their discussions were on the topics as planned, their minds were quite differently engaged.

For the millionth time, Darcy admitted that he had never felt for one person the way he felt for the woman beside him. Her spirit, her strive for life had cast a spell over him, rendering him helpless to break. He had thought that finally ending things would allow him to move on. Free him to live life the way he thought it should be lived. But she was destined to be the end of him, drifting in and out of his life. He could have groaned.

Elyse was no less agitated as unwelcome thoughts continued to intrude her peace of mind. At each assailant, she swallowed hard, as if that would counter it. To her ears, even that muted sound seemed to echo in the large silent room, punctuated only by the falling rain.

Tried as he may, Darcy's concentration continued to splinter. The need to know where she stood with her lover was the utmost in his mind, consuming him whole. The brewing frustration of raging jealousy, and the not knowing, was pure torture. His legendary control was hanging by a bare thread.

Summoning all her strength, Elyse tried to be impervious to the intensity of his stare. But it was nearly impossible. Like a caged bird, she could not escape. But at least she could try to control her responses by not seeing nor feeling too much. Oh, she had seemed that look often, and at that one defining moment, she had seen and felt too much. But this time, she would not allow it. She would not give in.

Even so, the surge of her blood and emotion could not stop. Her brows furrowed. Her patience was running thin. Her eyes darted at the front door, hoping that miraculously, Arthur would appear, thereby putting an end to these maddening sensibilities.

Each with measured control, they finished the agenda. Other than the trivialities, nothing more could be said.

Elyse glanced around, wishing the awkwardness between them would vanish. At length, trying to diffuse the tension, she pushed back from the desk and walked to the windows. As she stood there, helplessly watching the gray mass, how she wished the swirling rain could take her away!

With her lithe form, she made a beautiful silhouette. And in that moment, Darcy let down his guard, his gaze following and lingering on her profile. But his eyes could not stop there. The elemental needs and raw hunger urged him to continue on that enticing alabaster path -- down her neck, her arms. He had imagined such exploration in his mind so often that he could almost feel her softness, each inch of imaginary caress further eroded his composure.

Tension prowled around them while each fought for control. Suddenly, a flash of lightning lit up the late-afternoon sky. A low thunder followed, breaking the fury stillness between them. Elyse was the first to exclaim.

"Oh, I hope this won't delay Arthur."

She spoke her wishes while glancing at the raging storms that were playing havoc within and without her.

As if she were a magnet, Darcy was readily at her side. As he watched the rain pouring down in increasing rapidity, the feeling of being trapped he had before, and the uncertainty of where she stood with Steve returned in full measures. Unknowingly, he snatched in an unsteady breath and clenched his fists tightly together. Moreover, what had invaded his tranquillity before her arrival now returned.

I am breath against this fire
And I will not turn away
I'm waiting for time to carry me
Like a tempest to the sea...

Love will keep me believing
Thru the dark... can you hear me calling
Holding on when I'm dreaming... *

Staring straight into the stormy sea, he felt incoherent words uttered through his teeth.

"Would there still love for me when you're over with him? Is it over?"

Stunned at his expostulation, instantly her eyes threw at him, meeting a myriad of expressions on his face.

The veneer of control was gone. Standing against the tall windows, he seemed even taller, more commanding. Through his T-shirt, she could see muscles rippled in the shadowy outline of his shoulder and his arms. The unmistakable pain in his eyes, the rawness in his voice made her heart stumbled in her chest. It was the same expressions when she told him there was someone else, after he told her he loved her. It had been more than three months since then, and she thought they had reconciled to be friends. Now she knew he could not be honest with himself as much as she could be with herself.

But the fact remained, what seemed so natural and right was unnatural and wrong. The die had cast and it was impossible to retract. She repeatedly told herself he deserved more. Somewhere, there must be a woman without her emotional baggage and who could devote her life to him.

"A man like you deserves all the love a woman can give." She said, in a flat voice, struggling for calmness.

"A man like me?' Turning at her, he laughed bitterly. Something dangerous flashed in his eyes as he ejected. "What is that supposed to mean? This man only wants whatever little bit you can give."

She hated to see him this way but she must steel herself. She must take the plunge.

"Why me? When you have a world of accomplished women at your fingertips?"

He trembled, torn by bitterness and longing. Why is it so difficult for her to understand how he feels, what he wants? Does he really mean nothing to her?

"The chance of me loving another is as remote as you loving me." His gaze remained on her, so intense it burned.

It was too much. She had never seen such raw need in any man. But before her resolve could melt away, trying to maintain her course, she remembered the tapestry and its implication.

"But what is love? One can proclaim everlasting love to one in one minute, only to be enticed by another in the next. This infatuation shall past, just like the others."

Another bolt of lightning lightened up the sky. The flicker from the lightning accentuated the planes of his face. Her words sparked an explosion of purest rage in him.

"Is that your view of love? One can be replaced so easily? Perhaps you do, but I don't."

His contemptuous tone gnawed her.

"Really? If I understand correctly, while you're declaring your love to one, you're preoccupied with another."

Fury whipped across his handsome face. Losing the fuse on his temper, he lost it. He grabbed her by the arms, yanked her against him and demanded.

"Whatever do you mean?"

Trying to gather the strength to pull away, she uttered, "Geneva."

"What about Geneva?" Again, he demanded. This time, however, more confused than before.

"I've been told you have this tapestry... "

He compressed his lips, lines of strain girding his hard month. It was only after a few seconds when a knowing glint flickered in his eyes. He laughed roughly before he seethed.

"Tapestry! Indeed!"

Without warning and quite ruthlessly, he forced her into his bedroom. Confused and consternated, she followed the wave of his hand and beheld what was hanging on the wall facing the bed.

Still confused after looking at the exquisite but obscure piece intently for a full minute, she turned and looked at him in question. And before she knew it, he handed her the pewter frame that was placed on the nightstand.

It was then that another lightning struck, another thunder rolled.

Finally, she understood -- all at once.

She could not stop her hand that was holding the picture frame from shaking. Trying to suppress the overwhelming emotions, she covered her mouth with her other hand to stifle a sob.

His eyes never wavered. He, too, trembled. But when her face paled, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Looking deeply into her eyes, he repeated his unfaltering sentiments.

"I have long loved you, as I told you that night. There's hardly a day goes by I didn't think of you. Even when you were still with Glen. Even when you were with Steve." Overcame with emotions, he pleaded, "Now, tell me about you and Steve. Are you still with him? I have my suspicion, but I need to know for sure. I need to hear it from you."

Bewildered by the contrasting needs of remaining cosseted in his strong arms and pulling away from them, she summoned all her power to decide what she should do.

The latter won, but not without persistent, heart-wrenching regret. With whatever strength that was left, she struggled away and responded.

"It doesn't matter what's between me and Steve, we can only be friends, aren't we? And it's for the best." Trying to ignore the throbbing in her head, in her heart, she closed her eyes weakly.

Overcome by desperation and exasperation, he gripped on her shoulders and demanded roughly, "The best? The best for whom?"

"It's irrelevant, I cannot love you, or anyone else. I don't, and never will!" She cried in frustration.

He visually flinched, refused to accept that finality. Loosening his grip on her just a little, he asked in a despondent voice, "Why?"

"The chance of my loving you is as remote as my loving anyone. Never again."

"But you've given Steve a second chance!" Non-yielding, he countered. Then with a pleading note, he continued. "There's something very special between us. You won't deny that, will you? When I look at you, I ache and you feel the same way, don't you?"

"No... "

On his first exclamation, she was about to say she had never considered Steve that way. But what would that accomplish? Wasn't that a feeble excuse at the time, hoping to deter his declaration? The last two questions were not something she wanted to comment on. Frustrated with him, herself, and everything else, she broke away from him and cried out.

"Why does this have to be so complicated? Why can't we just be friends? You've promised!" She burst into tears.

By now, Darcy realized how unreasonable and selfish he must have sounded. If she did not love him, there was nothing he could do. Making her cry and unhappy were the last things he wanted. Ignoring the tears swelling in his eyes and trying to mend his wrongs, he reached out for her.

"Oh, Elyse... "

Just then, the doorbell rang, bringing the emotional collision to an abrupt end. Reluctantly leaving her behind, Darcy drew in a few breaths to steady himself before answering the door.

With only a few precious seconds to face the arrival, Elyse wiped away her tears and tried to becalm her emotions. By the time she entered the living room, she was tolerably composed.

Arthur had arrived. Before he could greet the two, the static in the air warned him that something had gone terribly wrong. He could not help questioning the wisdom of his intervention.

Shocked by the discovery at Ackerley, Arthur had not been at ease. Since then, not a word on the subject had been exchanged between Darcy and him. While Darcy had made it clear that nothing more should be spoken, it could not stop him from intense reflection. And he spent many hours doing just that.

At the end, it was perfectly clear. Although he could not pinpoint exactly when did it begin, the signs had been there all along. While he was undecided on Elyse's feeling, he was certain that Darcy was in too deep.

But, what about Geneva? and that mysterious tapestry? Could it be that Darcy was no longer attached to that woman but now on Elyse instead? Darcy's feelings towards her were too pungent to ignore.

Regardless of his suppositions, he had decided to help his friend. While Elyse was accompanying him to the conference, an idea struck him. He would find an excuse to send her to Darcy. Hopefully, their being alone would give Darcy the opportunity to open his heart. Yes, that would do.

As soon as Arthur stepped into Darcy's summer home, however, he was no longer certain about his plan. Something was definitely wrong. For a few seconds, his gaze alternated between the two persons now ready to greet him. Before he could react, Elyse began.

"Arthur! You're finally here. We're beginning to worry."

Although he was still filled with concerns, Arthur proceeded to greet his host and his guest heartily. "Yes, I was detained a little, but all's well. How are you two doing with the proposed plans?"

"I think I've done as much as possible, and hopefully, to your satisfaction," continued Elyse, without looking at Darcy. "Oh, by the way, is the limo still there? I believe you've said I could use it as soon as it brought you here."

More than eager to leave the place, she turned around and began to gather her belongings.

"Elyse, it's still pouring outside, why don't you wait till it subsides a little first." Trying to prolong her stay, he called after her and at the same time, looked at Darcy pleadingly.

"Yes, please, Elyse, Arthur is right, it's still quite stormy," corroborated Darcy.

Not yet recovered from what happened just minutes ago, Elyse insisted, "Oh, it'll be all right, Arthur arrived safely, didn't he? If it's good enough for him, it's certainly good enough for me." Trying to lighten up the mood, she threw Arthur a saucy smile.

Arthur could do little but looked searchingly at Darcy, whom he found was now looking out the windows sullenly. Unable to detain her, Arthur gave in but added, "Take care of yourself then. I'll see you in the office."

After biding her goodbye, Elyse left.

Warily, Arthur returned his attention to his friend. Darcy looked even worse than the last time he saw him. While he felt his pain, as usual, he decided to wait for him to begin. He hoped that he would trust him enough to tell him whatever was troubling him.

"Did you mention to her something about a tapestry?" Darcy finally began.

Stunned at this opening, Arthur answered a little sheepishly, "Yes, it was brought up during lunch one day, oh, I believe months ago. I'd just returned from London, very much concerned about your health. Look, I'm sorry to intrude on your privacy..."

Raising one hand, Darcy interrupted him, "It's ok." Then, quite unexpectedly, he added, "Would you like to know what it is?"

Surprised again by his question, Arthur nodded. Darcy left him but reappeared shortly with something in his hands.

"Here it is," Darcy opened it for Arthur to see. As he looked at the tapestry, his eyes and his face filled with the purest devotion, tenderness, and love. "In my darkest and loneliest moments, it had kept me going, giving me hope." Absentmindedly, he smiled. A smile so tragic on his nobly handsome face. "But now, while I'll still keep on going, all hopes are gone."

His young friend's strangling voice and trembling hands proved even too much for the old man to bear. Tears began to swell in his aged gray eyes. Never had he seen Darcy so broken, so lifeless. Overcame with compassion and paternal love, he tried to console him as much as he could.

"Oh, Darcy, don't say that. I've never known you to give up!" He said earnestly.

"No, Arthur, in this case, there's absolutely nothing I can do," Darcy said abjectly. "There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." **

* Love Is All (Pamela Lynn & Dugan McNeill - from Yanni's 'Tribute' album)
** Author Unknown

Chapter 35: Only You Will Know

Morning had broken. The majestic sun began to emerge from the water. As the golden glory continued to grace the earth, it shone brightly on the panorama of mountain and sea. Stopping at the magnificent weathered rocks, Darcy watched the ocean's ebb and flow.

As often as he had traveled and as many places as he had been, this was still one of the most scenically stunning places he had ever seen. But, it was more. With its rugged beauty and natural wonders, there was something benignly magical about it. It was a place of refuge, so enticingly did it seem to invite to repose. The solitude on the beach was beautiful. Each sighting was a balm for his eyes and spirit, giving him a feeling of peace.

Usually, at sunrise and sunset, he would walk leisurely on the beach. However, it had been many weeks since he jogged a few good miles along the water's edge. The vigor of the more active pursuit had been his ally, allowing him to internalize his thoughts and put things in proper perspective.

The early morning sun and ocean breeze were soothing. The soft pink sand under his bare feet felt good. Covered by a mixture of sweat and ocean mist, his face and well-toned body glistened in the sun. Trying to wipe away the moisture from his forehead, his hand skimmed over his face. A small chuckle escaped. The clean, shaven face was still foreign to the touch, but it was good to be his old self again. Nonetheless, even before his hand had left his face, the familiar twinge in his heart invaded his otherwise perfect solitude.

It had been more than six weeks since he last saw her. He believed he was feeling better, getting over her again. Or perhaps, he had come to a clearer acceptance of what his life would be.

With that thought, he glanced beyond his property into the distance beaches. Sometimes, he would see children playing and building castles in the sand. He would think what he was missing, and that regret would leave him with a feeling of unfulfillment so pungent that it would tighten his throat.

But only for a moment.

His strength would then urge him to move on, to look at the flight of the seagulls in the distance sky. Watching the determined flock wheeling over the roaring crystal waves, he told himself that he was fine. Like the lighthouse amidst the ocean, he was perfectly fine on his own.

Yes, he had worked hard to achieve this new sense of serenity, this new meaning of acceptance. Heaven knew how often even the simple sounds of the waves at night could haunt his dreams. Countless hours he had spent to push down all memories of her, to a place so deep that it would not drive him insane with reminiscing and hoping. He tried not to look back on what might have been. Yet, once in a while, he could not stop himself from wondering, wishing, and wanting. Some dreams just refused to die, no matter how absolutely certain you had smothered them.

But, there came a time in everyone's life when one must let go of the past.

It's about time.

Ironically, her parting tears were the beginning of the turning point, giving him that extra bit of courage to take the quantum leap. Focusing on his own selfish needs, he had reopened the wound and breached the promise he had made to her. Friends. Repeatedly, she had pleaded. In disappointing her, he had disappointed himself. He could never forgive himself in causing her distress. No, he would not let that happen again. He vowed to be the best of friends.

A few hours later, the doorbell rang. It was time for Geoffrey's birthday party. Darcy could not help the smile forming on his lips. After all that was being said and done, he was still impatient to see her again. He was anxious to know if she was feeling better as he was.

As soon as the guests arrived, his eyes immediately sought her. While she was attending to the enthusiastic youngsters, he seized the moment to take in her loveliness. As his eyes devoured her, he could not deny even after all this time, the sight of her still shook him to the core.

Commanding all his attention, she came into the room with natural poise and grace. Her presence bespoke her unique vivaciousness and enigma. The gentle affection she bestowed on his family and friends warmed his heart. However, there was something else. He frowned as his intense gray eyes continued to penetrate her. When she smiled, somehow sometimes the laughter did not quite reach her eyes. Why? He could not like what he saw.

Pushing aside his thoughts, he greeted his guests. Elyse's family and Arthur were the only ones outside the immediate family. After the usual pleasantries were exchanged, they moved outdoors to the sandy beach. This transition was enough to revive Darcy's resolve. Sometimes, time and determination could do wonders.

As soon as she saw Darcy, Elyse could not help smiling at his transformation. Whether shaven or bearded, he wore it well. She was undecided on her preference. With the former, however, he looked younger and less formidable. But, it was more than a change in appearance. More relaxed than she could ever remember, today he also smiled more often. And she was glad. How he looked last had dwelled in her memory. Yes, time was just the remedy he needed. It was also what she needed.

The many weeks of absence were good for the soul. Since her last abrupt departure, she was forced to look into herself again. She knew she would never find peace until she listened to her heart. Even after she did and accepted its incessant whisper, still it would not change anything.

She would admire him from afar, without any vain wishes. Now that this acceptance had set in, inner struggle was no longer necessary. Besides, not everyone could end up with the one they loved. Armed with this resolution and reconciliation, she was determined to enjoy the day to the fullest. Besides, it was good to see her friends again.

Elyse was not disappointed. To her delight, the day passed by most pleasantly. Soon, lulled by the magic invoked by the continuum of sky, water, and sand, she removed her sandals and walked towards the ocean. Stopping at the edge, she gazed into the distance as a few loon calls echoed into the crashing waves. As if touched by a presence, her inner peace was restored. While she pondered the days to come, the sound of approaching footsteps broke her reverie. As soon as she turned around, Geoffrey and Aaron were by her side.

"Elyse! What do you think?" Still bursting with energy, Geoffrey could barely catch his breath.

Elyse smiled down at him and said, "Slow down, Geoff, what do I think of what?"

They began moving towards the rest of the party. Elyse's quizzical expressions prompted Geoffrey to elaborate his exclamation.

"I'm tied of all these girls chasing after me at school!" He pouted. "I don't like girls, I'm sick of girls! You feel the same way too, don't you, Aaron?"

His friend nodded gravely, was obviously eager to echo the sentiment. A few chuckles could be heard nearby.

Still grinning, Elyse looked at the two youngsters and commented, "Just wait a little while, boys! By then, you'll see who'll be doing all the chasing!"

This time, laughers filled the air.

Pouting, Geoffrey continued, "The girls have a crush on me. They say they love me. But I don't like any of them, er... I think. Just how do you know when you're in love?" As soon as he said it, he blushed.

Surprised, Elyse exclaimed, "Oh, have you talked to your father? I'd think he should know." Turning to her friend, she added, "Right, Alex?"

"I'm afraid I can't help him either, Elyse," responded Alex gravely, trying to suppress another chuckle. "Besides, I think he listens to you more." He winked at her.

"Alex! How could you say that?" She gave a little nervous laugh. Really, who was she to speak on a subject like this?

"Elyse, do tell me, please!" Geoffrey pleaded, his big blue eyes filled with trust.

What could one tell a preadolescent about love? She was caught between not wanting to disappoint and not knowing what to say. Thankfully, her wits did not deserve her as an idea struck. Smiling at the youngsters, she offered.

"Well, I do know there's a song that talks about it. Perhaps that'll do?"

This was just the diversion needed. While adjusting the guitar strings, Elyse could not help thinking the last time she was doing the same. It was two years ago, the same place, the same occasion, when Geoffrey asked her for a song. That fond memory brought a smile to her face.

While the audience was excited with anticipation, Darcy was no longer certain about the resolution nor the confidence he felt before she stepped into his house. He would always love her, there could be no doubt. However, each second of her presence began to unveil, so effortlessly, all the memories he had worked so hard to pack away. Sitting in a far corner, he looked at her the same way when his heart had whispered his most sacred wish for the first time.

With a deep sigh, he looked away, achingly aware how hopeless that wish was. A slight movement willed his attention to the little girl sitting on his lap. Almost immediately, his stricken face was alighted with tenderness.

Aster's weaker disposition was no match for her much robust brother and friend. Darcy was leafing through a book on the legendary local lighthouses when surprisingly, he found the little girl by his side. Fond of reading, Aster had leaned over and tried to take a closer look. As if it was the most natural thing to do, he had scooped her up onto his lap and began reading to her. Soon, his velvety voice had lulled her to sleep.

Just then, the sound of the guitar strings willed his eyes to the performer sitting next to the open fire. And from her luscious lips, came a voice and a song just as sweet.

How do you fall in love
How do you say I do
When is the perfect time
To spend the rest of your life

Looking down at the little girl, Darcy's heart simply melted. As he pressed his face gently into her hair, he felt the familiar longing and need as his gaze shifted and riveted on the mother. Along those feelings also came the familiar frustration. How could he prove to her that they belong together? That they need to be a family?

You never know just where it will find you
'Cause it can come on you so fast
Seems like it takes forever
When you want it so bad

For each string she struck, his heart must have died a thousand times. Looking at the faces of his family and friends, and the child he was holding, he knew what he had lost. No, how could he lose what he never had? She was never his. And she would never be. She would never share his life the way he wanted. He would never kiss her or tell her how much he loved her again. They would never have a family together. His life would never fill with her laughers or their children's laughter. He had thought that he would be fine to be alone. Now, more that ever, he knew he would never be so.

But don't ever take it for granted
'Cause it's more than sowing some seeds
It takes sun and water
So give it what it needs

By now, Darcy was scarcely aware of the mixture of open admiration and anguish suffused on his face. He could no longer hide his deepest emotions nor did he wish to. This rush of emotion was not lost on the keen observers. Alex and Arthur were the ones most affected.

Recollection of the past quest of the mysterious tapestry came back to Arthur in full measures. He began moving towards where Alex was standing. As soon as he was near, he gestured for his attention.

"About that tapestry in Geneva, it was she," whispered Arthur gravely into Alex's ears.

Stunned, Alex fixed his gaze on his cousin. Then just as quickly, comprehension came. Now it became clear. As events of the last few years replayed in his mind, his heart went out to him. At last, he understood what Darcy must have gone through.

Seasons may come and go
And sometimes it rains and snows
There will be highs and lows
So only you will know **

Spell bounded, the audience did not applause until a few seconds after the last note had ended. Elyse acknowledged her audience appreciatively. While she had always found pleasure in music, it was more pleasurable to share it with friends. Still holding the instrument, Elyse turned to Geoffrey and Aaron.

"Well, according to the song, love takes time, and only you will know." She offered gently.

"You sing so beautifully, thanks for the song. I'll always remember it." Geoffrey gave her an affectionate hug.

Smiling, Elyse put the instrument away and hugged him in return. Afterwards, out of habit, she searched for Aster. The place where she found her was the least expected. Briskly, she walked towards that direction.

Elyse's breath caught in her throat as soon as she saw the tender embrace. It was one of the many reasons she loved Darcy. Finally, she had to admit to herself what she had known all along. It was not just the physical. It was who he was as a man enthralled and fascinated her. The man who could kiss her with unadulterated passion, hold her daughter with aching tenderness. Her heart torn, her tears threatened as she took in the picture of her child being held in the safe, secure, and loving harbor. She knew just how strong and safe those arms felt, but she told herself repeatedly that she could never feel them again.

"I'm sorry, I hope Aster hasn't caused you too much troubles. She doesn't normally go to people she's not well acquainted with... " Still unsettled, Elyse rambled and reached out for the sleeping child.

Finally brought out of his melancholic contemplation, Darcy sensed her unease and tried to reassure her.

"No, she's no trouble at all. She's sleeping now, let's not disturb her," he suggested, while trying to remain impassive; but his emotion-laden voice betrayed his true feelings.

And it was the tone of his voice that willed her to look into his eyes. And there she found the familiar expressions and her heart constricted. In truth, she had failed to prevent him constantly surfacing in her mind. But she had accepted the inevitability that she could never be in his world. With all her heart, she wished the fairest of women could come along and bring him all the happiness he deserved.

Heart aching still, she must think of a way so that he could release his hold on her. If her presence were an impediment, if she must leave so that their paths would never cross again, she would do that for him. With that self-deliberation, her composure was regained.

"It's getting late, and we really should get going." Elyse kept all traces of emotions out of her voice.

Must she leave again? Must all these years consist of long, lonely days with the tiny amount that they were together? Darcy lamented to himself. Even so, even if it was only for the few hours when she was around him, he could not imagine his life without her in it. There was absolutely nothing he could do to change anything.

Just then, Arthur's familiar voice broke the percolating, unspoken turmoil.

"Darcy, we'll be meeting with the clients in London in two days, to finalize Phase II." Turning to Elyse, he continued, "When Darcy and I were there this past spring, they're very disappointed that you weren't there. Do come with us this time, please?"

Since her rapport with these particular clients was excellent, Elyse was not adverse to the idea. However, with such late notice and Glen's being away, finding arrangement for Aaron and Aster was not easy.

"Sure, if you wish so, but I need to make arrangement for my children."

"Why, they can certainly come along, right, Darcy? We can all stay at Pemberley." Now grinning, Arthur could hardly suppress the excitement from that prospect.

Darcy almost choked. But his heart had leapt. Arthur's suggestion sounded enticing, perhaps a little too enticing for his current vulnerable state. Nonetheless, he succumbed to the temptation. Besides, no sooner did that idea sink in than his mind was filled with nothing but her. The thought of having her with him in Pemberley set his pulse racing.

"Yes, Elyse, please come." He smiled so deeply that his dimples were peeping through.

Before Darcy could continue, as if trying to further convince Elyse, Arthur glanced at Alex and added, "I think Geoff would love to come along. Right, Alex? Clarke can take care of them while we're at the meetings."

"You're right, Arthur, Geoff would be ecstatic! Especially I'll be away for a few days, I'm sure he'd welcome the diversion!" corroborated Alex.

Overwhelmed, Elyse was unable to decline. And it was decided that they would go to Pemberley.

The meetings went well, and as expected, the clients were thrilled to see Elyse again. Throughout the meetings, Arthur watched Darcy and Elyse warily. It was obvious the two had drifted apart. Their interaction, while friendly as usual, at times, bordered on the measured and contrite. Anxious to help, he decided to leave them alone as soon as possible. Their constant retreat had done nothing but widened the rift. By forcing them together, he hoped things would improve. No, he had not forgotten how disastrous his last attempt was. But he still believed that only they could ameliorate this impasse. With mixed feelings, Arthur left soon after the last meeting.

The ride to Pemberley was quiet; the two occupants had much in their mind.

The clients' favorable reception only added to Elyse's misery. Even before the meeting was adjourned, with mixed feelings, her early resolution was reaffirmed. As soon as she returned home, she decided, she would brush up her resume and begin looking for another position. The longer she stayed, the more difficult to part from it. Sensing Darcy still had feelings for her only convinced her course of action. With that thought, she looked at him directly for the first time since they got into the car.

His fixation on the road ahead emboldened her scrutiny. She began with his chiseled, noble profile, his broad shoulders, to the perfectly formed, long fingers on the steering wheel. Reveling in his physicality, she remembered how it felt to be held close against his heart. She had never felt that way before.

Lucky were the women who had him, and luckiest would be the one who will forever have him.

The dull ache inside her began to sharpen as his many admirable attributes echoed in her mind. Hadn't she already seen in him what all she had ever wanted in a man? Suddenly, she had this overpowering urge to reach out, to touch him. Only the familiar contraction of love and regret in her heart warned her that she should not, that she could not.

In a struggle of his own, and trying not to feel the energy emanating from the woman beside him, Darcy fixed his attention on the road. Even so, the repressed desire and raging love caused his mouth tightened, and his hands on the steering wheel gripped with increasing force. As each minute passed, he began to wonder if he could ever make it to his ancient home.

Thankfully, the magnificent Pemberley came into view. From thereafter, each of their encounters was performed with orchestrated restrain. In all outward appearance, the remaining of their stay went by with perfect civility.

"Good night, Geoff."

Darcy kissed his little cousin's forehead, mentally thanking heavens that his guests, one in particular, would be leaving tomorrow. Ironically, while he treasured every second of her presence, it was getting harder and harder to maintain his impassivity. Sighing, he was about to get up when Geoffrey reached out and held onto his arm.

"Darcy, why are you so sad?" inquired Geoffrey softly, his big blue eyes piercing him.

"Sad? Why should I be sad?" Darcy feigned a mocked disbelief. "Tired is more like it."

He was about to get up again when quite expectedly, Geoffrey leapt out of bed and exclaimed, "I know just the thing for you. Come, Darcy!"

The next moment, Darcy found himself being dragged until he was standing in front of his own room. Geoffrey continued his ministration until they were inside.

"Now, get into bed," ordered Geoffrey in a grown-up voice as soon as they stood in front of the furniture in question.

More amused than annoyed, Darcy studied the youngster with a big grin on his face.

Well, let's see what he's up to!

He could certainly use some diversion. Obediently, he did as told. Before he was settled, Geoffrey had disappeared. Lying on his bed with his hands beneath his head, Darcy chuckled. I can't wait! He said aloud.

Thanks heavens we're leaving tomorrow!

With that thought, Elyse was about to retire for the night when she heard a knock on the door. Surprised and in a hurry, she forgot to put on her wrap before answering it.

"Elyse, come!" was all Geoffrey said before grabbing her arm and pulling her along.

No more amused than perplexed, she let him, thinking that perhaps Aster needed her. However, as soon as she saw who was in the room that Geoffrey led her into, it was obvious that she could not be more mistaken.

Still holding onto Elyse, Geoffrey stood in front Darcy with glee. As if his friend were the rarest treasure, he presented her to his cousin with all the pride and pleasures he could summon.

"Darcy, here's Elyse."

Darcy's mouth dropped open as soon as he saw who came into his room. Caught off guard by his cousin's scheme, all he could do was stare. After he had regained some of his faculties, modesty willed his eyes to his current state of attire, or lack of it. The intense heat on his face left him no doubt that he was blushing profusely. Trying to hide his discomfort, he accused the youngster.

"Geoffrey! What are you doing with my guest? Where are your manners?"

"Darcy, don't be mad. Let Elyse take away your troubles. She always takes away mine." Turning to his friend, Geoffrey's lips quivered and continued with feelings. "There was a time when I was here, I was so sad. Remember? She talked and sang to me, and I felt so much better. I'll never forget that night."

The reminder of that night turned two faces to the deepest shade of red. Their eyes immediately collided. Rendered momentarily speechless, Darcy and Elyse were relieved that the innocent meddler was not quite finished.

"Now that I've brought her here, Darcy, I'll go to sleep now. Good night, Elyse, please take good care of him."

With that, Geoffrey skipped away, closing the door behind him. As soon as he had disappeared, the remaining occupants turned to each other in confusion.

"Well... " Began both, and again, "I... "

Feeling the absurdity of it, and quite nervously, they burst out laughing. However, no sooner that they stopped laughing than they were keenly aware of each other as their eyes again locked in a firm embrace.

Since she was standing, and therefore, had the advantage of height, Elyse could not ignore the masculine glory feasting by her eyes. Darcy's refined, elegant exterior was widely admired, but how was one to suppose what lay beneath was such tantalizing rippled muscles?

What was more, standing so close, she could see the rise and fall of his chest. She could almost hear the slight unevenness of his breathing as he stared at her, his dark eyes glimmering with restrained passion. Suddenly, the heat of the summer night seemed to swelter. She had to turn away, to diffuse the mental and physical assailant inflaming her inside and out.

The subject of her disturbance was no less affected. Gazing up at her, and given what she was wearing, Darcy could see more than he had ever seen. Barely covered by the delicate peach slip, the rest of her was free for his eyes to devour. Her flawless skin, smooth as silk and glistened as satin, was begging for his caress. Like a hidden treasure, she surprised him again just when he thought he knew her.

He was rendered helpless, the sense of undone fast whirling. Never in his life had he lacked so little self-control to such a temptation. Oh, she had affected him this way many times over before. Even when she was properly clad. Even when she was only a picture he carried in his heart. He did not remember how often even in the coldest winter night, the mere thought of her had managed to conjure an image too stirring for his usual sensibilities. But, he knew it was not just the physical. His desire for her was pure, honest, real, and beyond measure.

And now, here she is and within reach...

It only confirmed what he had known all along, that there was no hope in finding another woman who could fill his senses the way she did. And he knew there was so much in her that only his imaginations could ever know.

Given their relative position and the advantage it offered, Elyse was compelled to be the first to cut through the brewing tension in the room.

"Pray enlighten me, as I'm the one who is being ushered into this room, what is expected of me? What do you want?" She asked archly; and as if trying to cover herself, she crossed her arms in front of her.

What do I want? Darcy repeated silently in frustrated agony. Sweet Mercy!

This was getting too much. He practically ejected from the bed. Walking over to the chest-on-chest, he took out two royal blue silk robes and dropped one on the bed as he walked past. As he stood before her, with trembling fingers, he opened the other and draped it around her nearly bare shoulders.

Gratified by his sense of proprietary, Elyse helped by moving herself into the robe. While she was tying the knot, quite unconsciously, she glanced up, her eyes meeting his. The hungry, yearning look deep within those eyes startled her and set her blushing, her progress on the knot halted. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she forced her gaze away from the aching wistfulness he could not hide.

If a hot-blooded male were told that a woman more clad was more provocative than one less so, he would sneer and snicker. Such a remark was simply unsound, insensible, and illogical. But true was the irony. Draped in his oversize robe and the intimacy it implied, Darcy could hear his blood roaring in his ears. He looked at her incredulously, wondering anew what she was made of.

As he continued to marvel at the woman before him, Darcy realized that how their relationship had been was another irony. In a normal relationship, physical attraction nearly always preceded deeper forms of affection. He supposed that theirs was destined to deviate from the norm. He could not deny he was attracted to her from the beginning, but his love and devotion had come hard and fast. Through the years, her manifold charms continued to unveil. Each discovery excited him, bringing him to levels previously unknown to him.

Like now...

The fire, ignited the moment she stepped into his room, was burning to ever-increasing intensity. The tide, set in motion the moment he draped his robe around her, was beginning to crash over.

It was then that the thin thread that had been so precariously hanging finally snapped.

In answering her question, he met her eyes, and with a gentle hand, he caressed her cheek with a self-control that made him tremble.

"What do I want?" Darcy repeated hoarsely. "What I've always wanted. You."

His lips followed the path of his hand, brushing along her cheek, and beyond.

Elyse suddenly found breathing a very difficult task. She could feel his hot breath on her neck as he kissed his way down to her shoulder, inciting a new wave of shivers. Warning began to burst within her. She wanted him to stop, but her body would not seem to do what she told it to. And the way she felt about him was so overwhelming. Touching by Glen and Steve had been nothing like this. This feeling consumed her, and she ached for more.

As if sensing her needs, her passion matching his, Darcy pleaded and demanded for more.

"Elyse..."

Her name between a groan and a whisper on his lips, and then he bent and took her mouth in a tender, and then less tender, passionate, mind-spinning kiss while holding onto her tightly to his body and soul.

Elyse barely had time to feel shocked before she realized that all her passions were now strung to life by the heat his lips ignited in her. For a moment, she let her spirit free, as she met the crashing of his mouth over and over again on hers. But just for a moment. Before his kiss could scramble all her thoughts, miraculously, she found the strength to turn her face away.

When she removed her lips from his, where there had been warmth, a great cold emptiness took its place. And an even colder emptiness took over him.

Here it goes again.

His heart constricted with pain from unfulfilled desire and unrequited love, grasping her arms, in a trembling voice, he looked into her eyes.

"Tell me what it is that prevents you from loving me. Is it Steve?" He demanded roughly, his jaws tightened at that name.

Her immediate response was the shaking of her head. The pain in his eyes killed her. She wished it was that simple, but it never was.

"No, Steve and I were never... " Agitated, she shook her head again and continued. "You need someone without a shady past, or someone who could put her past aside and devote her life to you." She quivered.

"Be with me. Whatever haunts you, we can work it out together. Give me a chance. Give us a chance." Unwilling to let her go, Darcy increased his hold on her.

At his passionate urge, Elyse began to sob. This, he could not bear. Emotionally drained, he led her to the bed and guided her tenderly across his lap. Her breath held as his face inched toward hers, his dark eyes mesmerizing. His full lips were so dangerously near to her own that his breath was caressing them, and she shivered with love and desire.

"You're everything in this world that I hold dear," Darcy whispered, his mouth tempting her gaze, her touch. "Almost from the beginning, my heart has been yours for the taking." Holding her hand against his heart, he continued. "Take it, my love, and keep it. Dare I hope that you'll love me? And that someday, you'll trust me with your heart?"

He pulled her closer and she melted against him, sighing with the pleasure summoned up by his male power, unable to resist the way her body responded to his. Did she have the strength to face down her demons? Or would she live out the remainder of her life constantly denying her desire, his desire? How could she turn down this incredible man?

No, she honestly could not. Perhaps it was about time to settle something once and for all, regardless of the outcome. Exasperated by her treacherous body and exhausted by her struggle, she began to let out her innermost thought.

"I'm not worthy of you," she uttered.

Stunned, Darcy asked quizzically, "Won't you let me be the judge for that? You must give me credit for knowing what I want." He frowned down at her.

"No," she said, then took a sob-filled breath. "I can't bear the thought of you finally realizing everything that's lacking in me... " She shook her head as tears closed her throat.

"You're everything perfect in my eyes..." he interrupted passionately.

"Painful past has taught me what I'm saying is true," hastily, Elyse cut him off. "Our differences are insurmountable obstacles. Some things in life, even those we wish for with all our hearts, aren't meant to be. I can't accept your love, Darcy. I'd rather keep the precious memories of our time together than having them crumbled into dust."

Unable to accept her reasoning and desperate to reassure her his love, Darcy brought his mouth to hers again. He knew how hungry, angry, and probably painful his kiss was. But he could not stop himself, especially when he felt her forget what she was fighting for and kiss him back.

"Darcy, please don't... " Elyse tried to break away.

"At least tell me you love me. In my heart, I want it so desperately that you do." Still holding her, Darcy pleaded urgently. "Tell me, Elyse, do you love me? Only you will know."

With all the love he felt for her, all the hope he wished for, and the fear of what she might say, his eyes probed into the very depth of hers. Surrendered to his blatant love and pure devotion, she felt that at least he deserved the truth. After a deep breath, without wavering from his eyes, Elyse let her heart speak.

"Yes, I do love you, Darcy, I've never known what love is until you."

There, she said it, and like honey, the feeling of release was lingering and sweet.

"You do love me!" There was fierce joy in the statement and it intensified when she nodded her head. "My love, " Darcy said shakily, "our lives begin right now. Marry me!"

In an instant, his mouth recaptured hers. But before he could let his passions roam, her urgent push disrupted his progress. With his heart's desire only a few inches away, he crocked his eyebrows in questions.

"I'm unfit for your wife," she stammered.

"Why?" Confused and frustrated, he shook her gently.

He took her where he was bound to go, making her head spin and her heart crack open to spill out secrets she had kept even from herself. She sobbed but he urged on. Finally, with his relentless hold on her, she lost her grips that she had clung to for longer than she had known. It was time to reveal her deepest fear and innermost insecurity, which Glen had ingrained in her so long ago.

"I... I'm afraid... I'm an undesirable and... inadequate lover... " Ashamed and embarrassed, she could not meet his eyes.

His eyes immediately widened, then just as quickly, they were alighted with amusement. Gently, he lifted up her chin and looked at her tenderly.

"My love, is that all?" After guiding her into his bed and shifting their bodies in a more suitable position, he smiled down at her wickedly and suggested, "Now, that's something we can certainly find out, won't we?"

His provocative smile and remark ignited something inside her unexpectedly, fascinatingly, stirringly, excitingly, leaving her nothing but this thought before surrendering herself hopelessly, helplessly, recklessly, completely to a man for the first time:

* Pindar
** How Do You Fall In Love (sung by Alabama)
*** Louise Erdrich

Chapter 36: Life Began Again (Finale)

Author's Notes: Well, this is it! The Final Chapter! Yes, I can hardly believe it myself! I wish to express my thanks to all those readers who have enjoyed this story along with me over these past 1-1/2 years and have been so generous in their compliments. Special gratitude goes to Ann and the rest of the DWG administrators for providing this wonderful place for us.

After we love, we bathe in a glow
Remembering what happened a moment ago
Like after the rain, when the wind breezes a sigh
While it's resting on pillows of sky
Deep in your arms, it's peaceful and warm
Together we lay in a calm that comes after a storm
In a moment or two, we can hear the stars coming through
I love the quiet right after the rain here with you *

The summer rain, which began sometime during the night, continued its rhythmic pattern against the windowpanes. In the mellow glow of candlelight, the rest of the world was tucked away. Enwrapped in each other's arms, enraptured by heartfelt delight, they had found all they had waited for. And these were the moments they would remember all their lives.

Elyse's eyelids fluttered open and Darcy felt the impact of those beautiful eyes deep in his soul. He moved closer, sliding his body into a perfect fit against hers while kissing her with unrestrained abundance. Her answering response fueled his passion, and his need for her again was overpowering. Before he could continue, however, her small hands brought up to the solid wall of his chest, touching him, stopping him.

"I believe good manners call for proper greeting above any form of activities."

Aroused by her lover's stirring touch, barely wakened, Elyse's voice was husky and languid. The picture she presented was a mixture of natural sweetness and allurement. As usual, she was unaware of the potent affect on the man by her side.

That was one of the many reasons Darcy loved her to distraction. Almost from the beginning and without even trying, she had intoxicated him whole. He took a long breath through his nose, sucking the maddening scent of her into himself before responding.

"Oh, I considered that a proper greeting," he growled seductively to her ear.

He was not to be deterred and had every intention of resuming his activities. Meeting her sleepy glare, however, he stopped, but not without putting in another provocation.

"Hmm... let's pick up where we left off then, er... when last we really talked, that is." Eyes glowing in the honeyed light, he added softly, "Well, I hope I've left you no doubt of your desirability, nor adequacy for that matter."

Then he smiled wickedly and watched for her reaction, his fingers tracing along her, sending shivers to her entire body. Actually, he was far from composed himself. His hands continued to explore her, with a self-control that made him tremble.

"We.... You.... "

Senses whirling, Elyse's response was halted as recent amorous recollection came assaulting, scattering her words, her thoughts. The mixture of new and raw emotions propelled her to bury her crimson face deep in the downy pillow pile. She was totally unaware that the hue in her lover's face was no less intense.

Darcy's eyes never left her, but he was more amused than abashed. Reaching out, he turned her over and cupped her face between his hands. Forcing her eyes to his, he grinned.

"Yes, we. And I... I've never been so reckless in my life. But I have no remorse. In fact, I'm eager for another encore... "

His gaze dropped to her lips and his eyes darkened, leaving her no doubt where his intention lay. Mesmerized, Elyse was fixated under his spell. His mouth was tight with restrained desire. His sculpted chest rose and fell with quickened breath. The flame of his need touched her, heart, body, and soul. Her mouth was desperately dry. She was about to lick her lips when no soon had she began than his teeth took over and nipped on those luscious folds. The rest of his words were lost in all that he sought, and all that he found in her. It was sometime before there was a moment of respite. Then, very gently, she pushed him away and met his eyes.

"Reckless, indeed, so was I. Perhaps I'm far too antiquated, but what... what happened is something I've never done beyond the bond of marriage. Not to mention we didn't... didn't... "

Her protest was quickly smothered. Soon, activities that were much more agreeable again drowned out words. But since air was still a necessity, they were obliged to disengage. Catching his breath, Darcy looked down at Elyse tenderly and marveled at what she had just revealed.

Indeed, the throes of passion had caught them off guard and quite unprepared. In his dreams, he had dreamed of this countless time. But in his dreams, he could not love her more. Now that they loved, he could not ask for more.

But, that knowledge had caught him by surprise. Just before he thought she had filled all his senses, she came to fill him again. Not that it really mattered, but the few words she had just spoken eradicated that hard knot of jealousy and all doubts. Touched by her astonishing, innocent confession, he beamed, his mouth curved with a secret smile. A secret shared by only two.

"Oh, love, you have no idea what you're doing to me!" He rumbled, and with a swift movement, he rolled on top of her before continuing. "We belong to each other now. Utterly. Irrevocably."

His mouth came down on hers hard and fast, possessively, mercilessly. Afraid he might go too far, too soon, reluctantly, he lifted his head, his hands lingering on their pleasurable pursuit as he continued.

"With that, it's only fitting that I should tell you some of our family traditions. First and foremost -- this room is for the Master and Mistress of Pemberley only. That also goes for the one next to this, the one you've been staying until a few hours ago. Therefore, I'm afraid you're forever saddled with me."

To emphasize, he held her hands above her head, trapping her.

Laughing and squirming, Elyse cried out, "Oh, Darcy, you're incorrigible!" After successfully freeing herself from his captive, with a gentle hand, she reached up and caressed his face. Her eyes radiated all the love she had for him. "But you're the best man I've ever known. I love you so."

Thrilled by his beloved's reaffirmation, Darcy was impatient to taste her again. Before he could thus indulge, a sudden, solemn moment seized him. Gathering her as close to him as he could, he began earnestly.

"And I love you. Even when I was a self-deluded fool, the incessant voice in my heart told me that you're the one I've been waiting for, all my life. That you belong to me."

A tremulous smile tugged at the corner of Elyse's mouth. Her hands exploring his chest, feeling the rhythmic heartbeat, as she spoke.

"How I must've hurt you. Even after you told me you love me, I still tried to find the reason to disbelieve, to convince myself that you can't possibly love someone like me. That you deserve someone better. That I can't even dream about loving you. But you persist... "

His arms were strong and tender on her, a hold whose possession she could never break.

"Every time I look at you, I love you more and more... " Darcy murmured next to her ear, his fingers fondling a few strands of her hair, weakened her defense and heightening her pleasure senses. "When it comes to you, I can't control how I feel. I've tried to forget you. G-d only knew how hard I've tried! But deep in the very heart of me, I can never stop. I can never let you go. Somehow, I'm convinced that someday, you'll come to love me, be mine. Even if I have to wait forever."

Elyse smiled dreamily and curled her body perfectly into his.

"I love you, Darcy, with all my heart, with everything I am, and hope to be. How do I deserve your love, your patience, your constancy, you?"

Smiling still, she reached up and drew him down. He was rewarded with a passionate kiss, and she was rewarded with a dangerous growl. He wanted her with a ferocity that erased coherent thought from his mind. Shifting his body and pinning her, he smiled down at her shakily.

"Oh, I think there is no remedy for love but to love more." **

One day in early September, the greenhouse was declared open. A private ceremony was reserved for the special occasion. Carrying the oak plaque on one hand, Darcy led Elyse to the greenhouse with the other. As soon as they reached the entrance, he turned to her solemnly and began.

"I think you'd seen this before, you'd a preview that evening just before I left for Maine." After removing the wrapping, he handed it to her and continued, "Here, you'll have the honor."

With trembling hands, Elyse glanced down at the honey oak piece and gasped.

"'Elysium'"?

"Yes, 'the place of ideal bliss and complete happiness'."

After she set the sign in its rightful place, Darcy laid everything out for her.

"I came up with the name at a time when I thought all hopes are gone, wishing that somehow, someday, my fondest wish will be granted. And if it were so granted, my life, my happiness, would be complete."

His voice was choked with emotions as images of those darkest moments in his life flashed across his mind. Shaking them away, he continued.

"I've never given you up. I've always hoped, always dreamed that the day would come when you'd take a chance on forever again, and you'd take it with me. Even if it was a fool's hope."

There was no stopping of her tears now. Elyse knew that her cup was overflowing with the most precious gift. Amazed and grateful for her good fortune, she was devoid of inherent speech.

"Oh, Darcy, this is too much, I don't deserve... "

"It's not a matter of deserving or not deserving," interrupted Darcy passionately while he captured her face between his hands. "We are meant for each other. The heart has its reason which reason does not know. *** I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out. **** I'm so happy that at last, you're here with me, and to stay."

After releasing her, he turned to look at the oak sign again. Suddenly, an idea struck him.

"Remember when we're at Pemberley, I spoke of the many family traditions? I've been thinking about starting our own."

Reaching into his pocket, he took out a small black velvet box and opened it. The three-stone platinum engagement ring caught a ray of the midday sun. The exquisite sparkles from the earth's most precious gem celebrated their new beginning, and a promise waiting to be given. Gently gliding it into her finger, he resumed.

"With this ring, I promise you my eternal love. I love you for all the things you are -- past, present, future." Before Elyse could response, Darcy continued. "About our tradition, what do you think of this? The future Master and Mistress of Ackerley must seal their loving promises under 'Elysium' with a kiss? Let's say, at engagement time?"

"I think it's a wonderful idea!" With tears streaming down her cheeks, Elyse laughed a tender laugh. Reaching up, she caressed his dear face. "Oh, Darcy, I'm so happy that I can hardly speak... "

"Then don't... "

With a swift motion, he hauled her to him, his mouth covering hers. The first of their new family's many traditions was thus formed.

"You're engaged to Darcy!" exclaimed Charlotte over lunch a few days later.

"Yes, Charlotte, are you surprised?" asked Elyse a little apprehensively.

"I am," confessed Charlotte. "No one saw this coming, well, at least not Richard nor his parents."

"I hope they aren't displeased?" Even knowing she should not be feeling uneasy, she could not help it. After all, she did not want to cause a rift between Darcy and his relatives.

"No, not at all!" Sensing her friend's unease, Charlotte reached across and patted her arm. "If anything, they're ecstatic. Heaven knows how they've been worrying about Darcy these past few years. They're really glad to see him so happily settled!"

"I was utterly surprised myself. I have no idea... " After a deep breath, Elyse smiled dreamily and burst, "But Charlotte, I am so very happy! He's the best man I've ever known, and I'm truly honored to be his wife."

"It only shows that he has excellent taste!" teased Charlotte. Then with a more serious tone, she reached out for Elyse's hands and said, "I'm really excited for you, my dear friend. Glen never deserved you. All these years, he'd treated you badly. It's about time you've finally found happiness! Besides, I'm so glad that from now on, we're more than friends!"

Everyone in Darcy's intimate circle expressed similar felicitous sentiments. Arthur beamed at the jubilant news. As soon as he had Darcy and Elyse in his office, he embraced them with all the affection and merriment he could summon. Knowing two of the dearest people in the world were together at last was happiness he could not conceal.

Charlotte was right. The rest of the family was receptive of the news. Seeing his sister's only child finally found the woman he loved, Robert Edwards put a satisfactory closure on this enormous responsibility. Half-jokingly, Beverley accused her nephew of not letting her know sooner that his heart had already been spoken. It would have saved her all the troubles in supplying him with suitable candidates. Knowing how Darcy had suffered, Alex heartily felt his happiness. Geoffrey grinned from ear-to-ear. To be related to Elyse, Aaron, and Aster was a dream came true.

Happiness filled that special day in early December. Needless to say, staffs at the two great houses were happy beyond words. But one could safely say that among the faithful staff, Clarke was the happiest of them all. His friendship with Elyse was long standing, and in turn, she declined to be formally addressed. It was with this salutation that he offered again his congratulations.

"Elyse, I can't tell you how happy I am, how happy we all are! My warmest wishes to you and the Master!" The happy tears in his eyes were about to escape when Elyse hugged him affectionately.

"Thank you, Clarke, believe me when I tell you that I'm the luckiest woman in the world!"

The following autumn...

Darcy was exhausted. He hoped he could reach home as soon as he could. An expected appointment had delayed his departure. The rest of the family had returned to Ackerley a week earlier. The thought of them, especially, Elyse, brought a slow smile to his face, and his fatigue forgotten.

Life had been pure bliss. Before the wedding, he had thought his life was complete. But after... His heart and pulse raced at what his mind conjured. Time was immeasurable when you were happy, he realized, and he was happier than he had imagined it possible to be. Everything he read and heard about having finally found 'the one' and sharing your life with this same person was true.

He knew that Elyse would make his life complete, but he had no idea just how happy he could be. Keeper of his heart, she worth all the pain, every minute of the years of frustration he had gone through. Like a magic spring bubbling up from the earth, she had brought the gentlest laughter and joy to his life. She makes everything better just by being around. He had never experienced anything like this before. It was wonderful, awesome, and exhilarating. He smiled again.

Oh, occasionally, they had different ideas and viewpoints. However, since they had learned much from their long path to happiness, these occasions only served to strengthen their love and understanding.

Ackerley was now really a home, bustling with all the sounds of a family. Family. How he liked the sound of it! Now that he had legally adopted Aaron and Aster, everything was just about perfect.

His smile deepened as his patience ran thin. He could not wait to be home. He urged himself on. Finally, the sight of Ackerley warmed his frame. Thinking about the treasures within, instantly, he was rejuvenated with anticipation.

Briskly, he walked up the steps and into the house. Glancing down at his watch, he realized that everyone should be asleep by now. He decided to move as quietly and quickly as possible. Walking past the master bedroom and through a separate entrance, he went into the master bath for a shower.

The warm water felt good. He could felt traces of fatigue draining from his weary frame. After he was done, again as quietly as he could, he entered the master suite, fully expecting to find what he had been so fervently wishing for.

An empty room greeted him instead. His surprise and disappointment now fully awakened him. With a slight scowl, he remained standing. But, only for a few seconds when something dawned on him. Grabbing the royal blue silk bathrobe from the rack and putting it on, he headed downstairs.

As soon as he reached the library, he was no longer disappointed. In fact, he was quite amused. Standing atop the huge desk was what he was hoping to find upstairs. Her own music mix was playing softly in the well-lit room. So absorbed in her task that she did not know that she was no longer alone.

As Darcy continued to watch, he could not help remembering the first time they met. They were in the same room, in the same relative position. How much had changed since then! He grinned and sighed with contentment. As his gazed traveled from her well-toned, shapely legs and upwards, suddenly his brows began to furrow. He decided to make his presence know. Since he did not want to startle her, he opted for a quiet cough as he walked towards her.

"Honey, you're home! We didn't expect you until tomorrow!" exclaimed Elyse, smiling down at her husband brightly.

"Surprised?" Darcy reached up, gathered her in his arms, and in a fluid movement, put her down on the floor. After bestowing a passionate kiss on her lips, he feigned a reproof. "You really shouldn't be climbing up like that."

"I'm fine, no need to worry," she reassured him. "But you're right, I shouldn't be doing it." Waving her latest discovery, she added excitedly, "Look what I've found! An entire set of Jane Austen novels with Charles E. Brock illustrations! ***** Here is Pride and Prejudice!"

"Oh, this is an extra set I acquired a few years ago," nodded Darcy. "The one at Pemberley has been around for generations."

After putting the volume away, he folded her into his arms and caressed her hair, which slipped through his fingers like liquid satin. With a sigh, he fused her to his pounding heart and nuzzled her neck. He inhaled slowly, carefully, catching and savoring her scent as if this would be the last chance he had. Then, with a gentle hand, he grasped her chin and scanned her face, satisfaction blazing in his smouldering gaze. He was again slow-roasted by needs he could not describe.

It was just how he felt whenever she was near, or whenever he thought of her. But knowing the depth of his passion, he knew he ought to take it slow. His subtle retreat earned a small pout. Chuckling, he bent down, trying to nibble the pout away.

However, as soon as he began, he knew the battle was lost. He could never refuse anything from her. Not when she was everything he had ever desired and cherished. Not when she was the embodiment of everything delicious, delectable, luscious, enticing.... Self-control be d-mned! After raising his head just enough to draw a ragged breath, he slanted his mouth and quite possessively, claimed hers.

"How... I... miss... and love... you, my love. I was impatient to be home, impatient to be with you... " Whispering between kisses, his voice became increasingly raspy as his kisses deepened. Passions began to rule his senses, and as always, there was little he could do to control them.

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know

One of their favorite songs began to fill the room. Sensing his aching hunger was about to overstretch his self-control, Darcy was grateful for the diversion. Letting out a relieving sigh and stepping half a step away, he arched his brow and inclined his head. Smiling and in silence acquiesce, Elyse followed his lead. Soon, in perfect harmony, their hearts and steps fell.

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

As Darcy held on to her tightly against him, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul, he knew that his cup was overflowing. Memory of the lonesome past when she was an impossible dream gripped his frame. And instantly, he increased his hold on her, trying desperately to obliterate all thoughts of those long, lonely nights.

And yes, I know how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

Shutting his eyes tightly, he told himself that he must not look back. She is here now. She is mine to have and to hold, for always. And she loves me! He said silently to himself and let those happy thoughts fill him.

And you love me, too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I'm happy that you do

Opening his eyes, he looked into hers and said softly, "These past few days, I truly understand what love must be, if it exists. When we're parted, I feel the lack of you, my other half. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence." ******

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read
All but life is dead
That is my belief *******

Elyse had always known Darcy to be sentimental, but it was only through each passing day that she began to understand just how much. Touched, she was being reminded again by how lucky she was. Overwhelmed by this blessing, her eyes beamed with love as they locked into his as they continued their dance in silence. Indeed for a moment like this, there was no room for words.

Well, perhaps for a few extraordinary events in life, there was room other than words.

As soon as the last note ended, still captured in their passionate embrace, they felt a sudden movement. Instantly, they pulled away just enough to stare at each other. While his face remained perplexed, hers was filled with amusement. Guiding his hand to her abdomen and with eyes dancing, she pronounced joyously.

"My love, it looks like our little one doesn't want to miss the fun. He's here to remind us that he's indeed a new life that has begun."

With his eyes filled with all the love in his heart, he kissed her tenderly before bending down to bestow a few gentle kisses on the miracle created by their love.

Although the goal she had when she first came to Ackerley had taken a rambling detour, Elyse finally finished all the requirements and attained her degree. It was a few years later when that happened.

One fair day in May, surrounded by her beloved family, including the addition of a son, Austin, and an infant daughter, Angelina, Elyse accepted her diploma during Neuhausen University's graduation ceremony with glee. Afterwards, they headed home. Clarke had a special celebration await them.

As they drove past the entrance gate engraved with the elegant "Ackerley Manor" that marked their beloved home, Elyse's thought turned to that glorious September day so long ago when she first lay eyes on it. As they continued along the private road, she realized that her path to this special place had come a full circle.

It was indeed the leap of faith, the band of hope, that she had found love and her place on the winding path to Ackerley.

* After the Rain (sung by Barbara Streisand)
** Blaise Pascal
*** Henry David Thoreau
**** Elizabeth Barrett Browning
***** Pride and Prejudice illustrations by Charles E. Brock. To see them, click HERE or enter the following URL in your Internet browser: http://www.pemberley.com/janeinfo/ppbrokil.html#thumbn
****** Loosely based on a quotation from Goncourt
******* And I Love You So (Don McLean)

Closing Notes: This journey is much longer than I've expected. What began as a simple idea turned into these thirty-six chapters. I'd like to thank all of you, my dear readers, for accompanying me on this journey. You've made my first foray into fanfic a memorable one. Finally, I'd like to especially thank Jennifer Lynn and Andréa, two fabulous DWG authors, for welcoming and believing in me from the very beginning.