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Chapter 28: The Distance

A tall, lonesome figure leaned against the pillar furthest away from the entrance to the lecture hall. Perhaps it was the late February wind, even wearing a black cotton sweater, he still shivered a little. While shifting his weight a little, he dug his hands into the pockets of his faded jeans. With trepidation, he tore his eyes from the double wooden doors to the overcast sky. Its grayness and cloudiness, so like the mingled expressions in his eyes, encircled him. The nimbus was a sure promise of continued rain. His attention was thus caught until something willed him to glance down at the wristwatch. It was still early.

He had come much earlier than necessary, feeling the desperate need to summon all his strength for whatever lay ahead. An audible sigh escaped his lips. He resumed his focus on the infinite stretch of grayness above, and not for the first time, his thoughts turned to the reason for this venture. He knew the impending confrontation would be dreadful, but nonetheless, essential, because at the very least, he owed this to himself, but mostly, he owed this to her.

Like a wild forest fire, that disastrous encounter had played havoc in his life. Nothing could contain its raging aftermath; nothing resembled what was the world he once knew. The flaming concoction of emotions -- anger, frustration, bitterness, remorse, regret, desolation -- had engulfed him since, and engulfed him still.

Alone in his office, that flaming concoction returned to swallow him. Effortlessly, the fateful day that triggered these emotions repeated itself in his mind's eyes. Slowly and deliberately, he closed his eyes. When his eyes were ready to retake his surrounding, the picturesque view from the windows announced another day had slipped into the early evening hour. So consumed by that afflicting remembrance that it was more than a few minutes after Alex's arrival before he began to take notice.

Since the two cousins traveled extensively, their familial visits were usually impromptu. More often than not, they would continue their conviviality at one of their favorite restaurants. Within their tight-knitted families, they were the closest confidants. Therefore, after only a minute of intense observation, Alex knew his cousin was in great distress. With more concern than alarm, he broke the silence and inquired.

"Darcy, are you unwell?"

If silence were a response, that was all he got. After a few seconds, he repeated with a little more volume. This time, his inquiry was acknowledged, albeit barely perceptibly, by his very distracted cousin, who looked up, shook his head slightly and looked away before lapsing into another round of silence.

The level of alarm in Alex was instantly heightened. Darcy, who was always driven and in command, rarely exhibited such singular behavior. Come to think of it, he recalled seeing him this way only during the most traumatic events, and last year when he returned from that blasted Geneva venture. He paled upon recollecting that particular tumultuous episode. Without waiting for another response, he closed the door behind him, took a seat beside his cousin, and waited. He knew he must let him begin. They sat in silence for a while when finally Darcy emerged from his impenetrable silence. Without meeting his cousin's eyes, with a half-strangled voice, he began.

"I behaved badly, and it was inexcusable."

Unconsciously, Alex released the breath he was holding. Well, at least Darcy was talking, he thought to himself. He waited patiently and continued to look at him with sincere concern, letting him know that he was there and willing to listen. His quiet understanding seemed to be just the prescription because after a few minutes, Darcy continued.

"I was only looking out for you, Alex, I don't want you to get hurt." As he said it, he glanced up quickly; but just as quickly, he glanced away.

"What do you mean, Darcy?" Although befuddled, Alex continued to prod gently.

"Elyse," was all the reply Darcy gave.

"Elyse?" Alex repeated, visibly stunned. This was totally unexpected. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"I have no right to intrude on her privacy, but I just couldn't sit around and watch her playing games with you, and I told her so in no uncertain terms." The words sounded torturous to Alex's ears.

"How so? What did you tell her?" His curiosity piqued, he continued to probe.

"Other than you," Darcy said with anguish, "she also welcomes other's attention. In fact, someone here at work. Believe me, I saw them with my own eyes."

"What's wrong with that?" cried Alex incredulously. "Eyes, you said? Ha! Now don't tell me those eyes of yours can't discern a desirable woman when they see one! Come, Darcy, we've seen enough pretty faces, and being a male, I'd be surprised if she lacks admirers." With a more serious tone, he continued, "But, really, don't you know her by now? Captivating as she is, her looks are nothing compared to her other amiable qualities. She's all goodness! Besides, don't you think I should know whether she's playing game, as you've suggested?"

"Aren't you fond of her?" Darcy asked, now looking squarely in his cousin's eyes. "I know you, Alex, whether you like it or not, I saw the way you looked at her at the wedding. Other than Holly, I've never seen you looking at any woman that way."

So shocked with this keen observation that all Alex could do was stare. He recovered soon enough. Shaking his head, he responded.

"It's sad to know that I'm that transparent," Alex laughed bitterly. "Yes, I don't deny it, I like her a great deal, but so does Geoffrey. Like I said before, who doesn't?" Then with a scowl, he added, "Well, other than her ex, I suppose." As he remembered the night of the wedding, he sighed a little before resuming.

"I might as well be honest about it. There was a time that I contemplated the idea. But after giving it much consideration, I've thought against it. You see, when I looked into my heart I asked myself, 'Does she feel the same for me?' And when I inquired her tentatively, her reply was the same as before -- she has no desire of forming another attachment. I'd never play with her affections knowing that. Besides, Darcy, she's not easily touched. Although I don't know the circumstance, I tend to think that her previous marriage had ended bitterly. You are indeed very wrong to accuse her."

Darcy listened in horror. Alex just confirmed his suspicion. That must be it! Glen must have done something dreadful, most likely, having an affair, since he had married shortly after the divorce. How shattered her life must have been! Although he did not know it at the time, hadn't he witnessed her distress often? Overwhelmed with the remorse from the unjust and insensitive accusations he had thrust on her, he stood up abruptly and cried out in agony.

"Oh, my G-d! What have I done? What must she have felt about all the horrible things I said to her!" With his eyes closed, he brought his closed fist to his mouth to stifle a strangled sob.

For a moment, gone was the cousin who was implacably in control. Instead, there stood a man at the verge of breaking down. While he could not help being curious at what happened between the two, Alex was more concerned about his cousin's present state. With compassion, his hands reached out and held onto his broad shoulders. While looking at him searchingly, he offered in a brotherly, soothing tone.

"I wouldn't presume to know what happened, which was strictly between the two of you, but I think an earnest and immediate apology is in order." Seeing that Darcy was still agonizing, he shook his head and continued, "But I can imagine you're in for it now. One thing I know about Elyse, her honest nature would not take false accusation too fondly." Still looking at his cousin, he pressed on his shoulders a little harder and added hotly, "What devil had driven you to offend her I have no clue, but I have to tell you this, she doesn't deserve it!"

Over dinner at a restaurant nearby, they said little while Darcy contemplated their earlier discussion. Alex was right, an apology was in order and it was long overdue. He could not bear to live in the world knowing she thought ill of him. He must make amend as soon as possible! Oh, no! He had already lost much precious time! Each passing day only deepened the misunderstanding. Unfortunately, her business travels only added to his chagrin.

Ill-timing aside, how and where was he supposed to do it? He flinched at the thought of the office. The painful memory of their heated exchange was still too raw to make it the proper stage. He thought about visiting her, but he quickly discarded that idea as well. He had so much fond memories in that place that he could not bear to subject it to such an ordeal. What was he to do?

Class dismissed! After the professor uttered these words, sounds of book snapping, and students rising from their seats and chattering filled the lecture hall. Elyse sighed with satisfaction. Learning was always so invigorating. The class was barely dismissed when she was already looking forwards to the next. It was time like this that she regretted her early, hasty marriage. However, all things considered, life had not been entirely unkind to her. She had learned to count her blessings. Now given a second chance, she was determined to achieve that goal, even if she was a few years late. She chatted amiably with her classmates as they exited the lecture hall to the beautiful campus ground outside. Another sense of anticipatory excitement surged through her with that prospect.

Nestled in acres and acres of woodlands, Neuhausen was neither a prestigious nor a big university. Yet, like a hidden jewel, it had its quiet charms so typical of this suburban town. As usual, she purposely parked her car a good distance away so that she could enjoy a leisure stroll. She had often found utter solitude and peace in nature. As soon as she emerged from the lecture hall, a faint thunder in the distance greeted her. She looked up and saw that the sky had changed drastically, forewarning imminent rain. Nevertheless, even that could not dampen her spirit.

As if her pleasure was destined to be denied, because no sooner had she begun to descend the steps than she saw a familiar tall figure leading against the pillar just outside the lecture hall. For a few seconds, her progress was interrupted.

The moment was finally upon him. After thinking it over laboriously, he decided on a neutral ground to deliver his apology. As she came closer to view, the irrational part of him felt the familiar and uncontrollable lurch in his heart, the urgent need to seize her into his arms. But the rational part of him warned him loudly that he could not. Yet, despite it all, like a ship lost in sea, his treacherous heart and wandering eyes were no longer abide by its captain. Good G-d! He had not caught a glimpse of her since their fatal meeting. Whom was he fooling when he proclaimed that he would think of her no more?

As he saw her whole, dressed simply in faded jeans, oversized collegiate sweatshirt and boots, she never ceased to excite his admiration and desire. Unaccounted for it, his mind drifted back to his university days. He did not remember waiting for anyone ever this way. He wondered what it would be like to travel back in time, so that he could meet her under different circumstance, perhaps this way?

She saw him; his presence could not be ignored. However, deducing that he must be waiting for someone else, she averted her gaze and resumed her path. She had turned away, but on hearing herself called, she stopped. It was then that she realized that he had approached and was now standing no more than three feet away.

Now that they came face-to-face, she was forced to look at him directly. As soon as her eyes touched his, the Accusation fled her mind. Mesmerized, she had to admit that she had never met anyone so unique, with such polarities. It was beyond the obvious handsome feature and noble mien. The sense of power, however subdue, was unmistakable, and his quiet dignity and elegance was just pure awe. In truth, he was everything a woman could dream of, but what woman would he lay his eyes on, let alone be chosen? There was one, as she recalled that snow-bound night when he admitted so reluctantly.

As he advanced closer still, she noticed his eyes were tired and his face was strained. Moreover, she saw the familiar, lingering melancholy and the haunting look in his eyes. So pungent were these telltale signs that not even his subdue power could dispel them. Affected and unconsciously, she responded with a twinge in her heart. Surprised, she gave herself a little shake. With little effort, the Accusation returned to her in full measure. Instantly, it reminded her where he had put her in his estimation, and how much he despised her. With a defying look, she waited for him to begin.

He had come with a purpose, determining to mend his wrong. However, as he came nearer, how she had managed to put the air out of his lungs every time was beyond his comprehension. Yet, that was only the beginning of his torment. He felt the familiar sense of possessiveness and longing. He wondered anew how, there, right in front of him, stood the only woman he had ever wanted yet seemed unattainable. Whenever that sense of hopelessness sank in, his heart would ache that familiar ache, and if he did not command himself soon enough, the burning sensation in his eyes might burst through. No, for as long as he lived, unless they were together, he would not be an open book. Until then, private emotions were reserved for himself alone. Besides, there was something more urgent, he needed to grant her the long overdue apology.

"I've been waiting for you," he began, his deep timbre strained. "I thought that I may find you here."

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" she said sardonically, and before she knew it, these words escaped on their own, "By now, you should know that your dear cousin is still intact and safe from me." Although she had vowed to be civil, she did not really regret saying them.

"If you'd just give me a moment," he tried to stay calm. Seeing that the other students had dispersed and that they were now quite alone, he continued, "I come to apologize, to retract all that I've so wrongly accused you of."

Elyse could hardly believe what she was hearing. Apologize? Retract? She scarcely knew what to feel or say. He did not give her the chance, either, because he felt he must continue when his courage was still high.

"You're perfectly right, I have no right to intrude on your personal life. It was terribly wrong and very insensible of me. I can only beg for your forgiveness, hoping you'd understand that my behaviors then were solely based on the concern for my cousin." And I was mad and blinded by jealousy, he added silently to himself.

There, he had done it. His Accusation, like the clouds in the sky, had overcast his ray of hope. He had nobody but himself to blame. Deeply grieved by that dawning, he was rendered speechless. Unable to meet her gaze, he turned slightly away.

Elyse continued to measure his words, allowing the idea to sink in. Indeed, in regard to Alex, even without this formal apology, she had already forgiven him. With a neutral tone, she accepted his offering.

"Very well, for Alex's sake, I accept your apology."

However, as to the other more serious offenses, they could be neither forgiven nor forgotten so easily. Residual anger and retaliation battled within her, urging her to put in more ungenerous words. Something stopped her. It just struck her that he was not entirely wrong in his other accusations. Didn't she almost succumb to a moment of weakness when Steven held her in his arms that night? At that memory, she felt the mortification anew. Although she loathed admitting it, the man before her knew something about her that she did not even know herself. But this was neither the time nor the place for such introspection. In equal part angry with him and herself, these words won the battle and escaped.

"Is there anything else? If not, have a good day. After all, being seen with a highly questionable character won't do you justice."

His eyes were immediately widened but he suppressed the urge to protest. This was not going well at all, he thought to himself. Putting frustration and desperation aside, he maintained his forbearance and responded.

"I understand your resentment towards my abominable behavior, which was indeed unpardonable. Let me assure you that they did not reflect my sentiments. I... " It was getting too much. His legendary control rapidly deteriorating, he had to stop to gather enough of himself in order to continue. "I can only hope that you'd be generous enough to forgive all my offenses. Thank you for your time."

Feeling he had said all he could and sensing she could tolerate him no longer, with one serious, parting look, he nodded and began to walk away.

As she watched his retreating figure, remorse and regret began to flood her. Was she too harsh on him? After all, he had taken the trouble to seek her out and apologize in person. Shouldn't that signify something? Or was it something a man in his position was obliged to do? She shook her head. It mattered little since she was only one of his many acquaintances, totally inconsequential. Turning to the direction of her car, she began to walk towards it. Unaccountably, his haunted eyes followed her every step of the way.

They parted; each went their separate way, away from each other. Determined not to give a backward glance, Darcy continued to walk towards his destination. Just then, the rain began to fall. Gradually, he felt moisture coming down his face. When he tried to wipe it away, only to be presented with more. He told himself it was only the rain.

"Elyse, you must come!" cried Charlotte over the phone. Still on their honeymoon, the newlyweds decided to stop over the Edward's estate before heading home.

"Charlotte, remember that train tour I talked to you about? Well, it came through, and one can't find a better bargain! Aaron and Aster are looking forwards to it. With Glen, we usually hopped in the car to save money. For once, I don't have to drive on my vacation! Besides, I've already visited the estate."

"But it's been a while, and this time I'm really part of the family," Charlotte protested.

"Hey, I know you want to show off your elevated status," Elyse teased her, but not without some truth to it. "Thanks for the invitation, but the kids have been expecting this trip and I can't disappoint them." Still affected by her recent soul-searching, she felt uncomfortable to be around the elite groups, notwithstanding that Charlotte was her best friend. She could not help wondering if their friendship would suffer in some way.

"Argh! I can't believe this, I'm seriously displeased!" Charlotte tried to sound offended, but she amended quickly, "I was only kidding, but I can't say that I'm not disappointed. Geoffrey will be disappointed too. When I mentioned that you may come, his mind was set."

"What can I say? You could've spoken to me first." Elyse put in mildly.

As he reached the end of the file, Darcy leaned back and sighed with pure satisfaction. It was a blessing that he truly loved his work. Work and life were so intertwined. Work occupied nearly one's lifetime, inadvertently affecting the quality of one's life, which in turn was contingent upon one's passion in work. Early on, guided by sage advises and his own character, intelligence, and interests, he had found his forte.

In the profession he had chosen, its fascination, diversities, and challenges continued to excite him. Although demanding, it had rewarded him handsomely. He was constantly being challenged, and more often than not, he had succeeded. Monetary rewards aside, it was the satisfaction and knowledge he gained that he treasured most. Knowing that his decisions had afforded changes for the better was a reward of incomparable worth. Moreover, this demanding nature had helped him remain focus during the most trying times. This he had learned at his father's knee:

He could certainly attest to that. If not for work, he could have driven to insanity during the few dark moments in his life. Unbidden, some of those moments came rushing in and within seconds, his chest was crushed, its tightness nearly unbearable.

Thankfully, the arrival of his mentor provided the much-needed reprieve. He got up and was about to approach him when the elder man flipped the switch on the wall. The semi-darkened room was instantly lit. Arthur was just as eager to greet his friend. However, under ample lighting, the haggard look on his face was plain to see. Instead of the usual pleasantries, Arthur exclaimed.

"Good G-d, Darcy! You look like you haven't slept in ages. Is everything ok?" He reached out and gave Darcy's hands a hearty shake.

"I'm fine," Darcy forced a smile and decided to direct Arthur's attention to the present matter. "I was just reviewing the file. What do you think of Phase II?"

"I think they'll like it." Arthur moved to the other side of the oval table where Darcy was and glanced at the laptop. Since the file was still opened, he scrolled through it as he continued, "Oh, by the way, what do you think of this section? I forgot to talk to you about it but I had asked Elyse to revise it. I like her finishing touch; it accentuates our company's values and talents for this deal. They still rave about her, you know. Remember how happy they were when she was here last autumn?"

Darcy could have groaned, and before he could stop it, the familiar twinge had already reached his heart. While still wincing, he walked towards the windows, trying to find some solace for his captivity in its expanse. How could he ever rid of her? It was not even remotely possible. His equanimity now upheaved, on their own, his thoughts drifted to the very thought of her.

After the apology, Darcy practically fled Ackerley. Since his annual Pemberley visit was near, he left a week earlier than usual, with the excuse that some urgent business needing his attention. Although there was some truth to it, the real reason was to escape everything reminiscent of her, the constant reminders of his atrocious behavior, and most of all, what he had lost.

So, the news that she might visit his uncle's estate had rejuvenated his wilted soul. Yes, he had physically escaped to this side of the world, he had tried to put some distance between them, but deep in his heart, there was always this slow-burning need to be with her, anytime, anywhere. Now deprived of her presence, his hope was dashed.

Before his desperation took a deeper dive, a question from his mentor broke his reverie.

"Oh, by the way, I heard that Elyse may be visiting your uncle's estate sometime next week. Do you think she could take a trip out here?" Arthur asked with anticipation.

"No, I'm afraid not. I heard that she and her family are now vacationing in the Canadian Rockies." When he finally found his voice, it was hoarse.

"Oh, how unfortunate!" Alex was visually disappointed. Just then, their clients arrived, putting an end to their conversation.

For as many years as he could remember, Darcy rode his favorite steed among the many fields and hedges of Pemberley. For generations, the ancient estate was greatly admired by people from near and far. Notwithstanding the endless nooks, glade, and secluded spots that were delightful to explore, he savored the thrills that only the rigorous, demanding ride could offer, and during his visits, he took advantage of it whenever possible. Back in the states, he also rode regularly at a local equestrian trail. However, he had been contemplating installing a stable at Ackerley. Although the grounds in Ackerley were much smaller in scale, nonetheless, they were suitable enough for recreational riding.

Within Pemberley's infinite natural delights, he had his favorites. One of them was situated almost at the highest point of the property, from which the estate's grandeur could be feasted under one's eyes. It beheld the perfect symmetry between heaven and earth, where the ancient divine structure and its fronted lake could be seen.

It was at this spot that rider and horse halted. The view never failed to cause a sense of pride to swell within his breast. Not that he needed the affirmation, but here laid vividly the history and legend of his noble ancestry. Standing amidst the spirits of his bygone loved ones, he could feel their presence, their well wishes and expectations on him. Surrounded by everything so dear to him -- whether it was Pemberley, or Ackerley, or Maine, it did not matter -- for the life of him, he could never imagine sharing it with anyone less dear. These past few weeks only reaffirmed that conviction.

Determined to enliven his social life, he let his desire for society known. Acquaintances among the illustrious circles were only too eager to oblige. Henceforth, each day was filled with entertainment designed to please his refined palate, and he was whisked from one soiree to another. However, time might have changed but something remained the same. At the end of each endeavor, if he felt anything it was ennui. The superficialities and artfulness behind those pretty faces only served to confirm his previous beliefs, and he would wonder anew why did he repeat the tiresome task in the first place.

The sun continued with its western journey. As his eyes kept on the horizon, his heart went on a journey of its own, drifting miles and miles away, crossing mountains, forests, oceans and streams, through the windows into that simple, homey place -- the little place that warmed his soul. Its occupants, one in particular, flashed in front of him, and not even the distance could lessen her effect on him. Instantly, the panoramic view lost some of its splendor.

The sky has lost its color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away

Finding his hold on the reins becoming a little unsteady, he had to struggle a little to tighten it, so unlike his usual expert grip. Under the exertion, his frame instantly became rigid. Registering its master's distress, the steed kicked its heels and whinnied. In an effort to becalm the animal, Darcy whispered and patted its head gently before resuming his gaze in the distance.

I crawl up in the corner
To watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you're coming back

Would she ever stand beside him among the spirits of his loved ones? Tried as he might, he feared that she would never come back. Whom could he share this sanctuary with?

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until I next see you smile

Unavoidably, he would see her again when he returned, but how should he feel? Her smile would only heighten his sense of regret in losing the only thing he had ever so fervently desired. Not a day went by that he did not think of her. After all this time, even when he could have all the worldly enticement at his command, she was the one he carried in his heart. "The simple lack of her is more to me than others' presence. **" He muttered to his steed.

I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take
I'm calling your name
But I can't take the distance

Oh, Elyse! The distance between them was more than just physical. With his own hands, he had crafted a rift between them. How was he going to reach that unreachable distance, bridge that unbridgeable gap?

I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

Unless she felt the same way that he felt, she would never be close enough. Must he go through life alone pretending she was close to him? Frustrated, he let his steed gallop. Soon, rider and horse moved in perfect unison, disappearing into the woods.

When they reemerged, he was able to rid himself of some of the frustration. Trying to resume the view, Darcy guided his steed to the same spot. However, when he was finally steady, the view that greeted him seemed to take on new dimensions. To his surprise, his thoughts followed.

I'd brave fire and I'd brave rain
To be by your side
I'd do anything
I can't take the distance

Why should he keep tormenting himself thus? What would that accomplish? Distance. Distance it might be, unless he tried, how would he know if it were unconquerable? Why did he admit defeat so prematurely? He must stop thinking and start doing! Just look at how astray his overactive imagination had led him!

Perhaps they were meant to be after all. How else could one explain their constant crossing of path? His heart knew long before his mind did, that for him, there was no one else but her in the world.

I will go the distance
I will go the miles
That's how much you mean to me
I can't take the distance ***

"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. ****" Destiny, he must act upon it. He must act upon it until his conviction had proven otherwise. After all, his parents did not raise him to be a coward. By running away, not only had he disappointed himself, he had disappointed them.

As if acquiescing his master's resolve, the steed neighed and raised its hoofs. With heartfelt delight, Darcy patted it appreciatively. When the pair was once again settled, the transient but deciding moment that divided the darkness and light pronounced the end of day and the beginning of tomorrow. With one last look in the distance, Darcy gathered his reins. The steed kicked its heels and galloped, bringing his master swiftly home.

* Paul J. Fleyer
** Edward Thomas
*** The Distance (Evan and Jaron)
**** William Jennings Bryan

Chapter 29: March Wind

Words could hardly describe the magnificence of the Canadian Rockies. The vast unspoiled wilderness, pristine rivers, emerald green lakes and sparkling glaciers, were all made for a visual feast. Touring in a train just about perfected the experience. Relaxed in the specially designed coach and pampered with all its amenities, the passengers enjoyed the panoramic views, one after another, unfolding before their eyes. The escape, although short-lived, cleansed the cobwebs and mundane of everyday life, rejuvenating bodies and spirit.

This, like all good things, must come to an end. Tomorrow, life would resume its tempo. Nestled in the sofa with a hot cup of peppermint tea, Elyse gazed out into the starry March night sky as she savored these fresh remembrances. Unbidden, a few older ones intruded. Perhaps it was the hour, other than tightening her grip on the teacup handle, she could do little to shun them. Closing her eyes, she tried to concentrate on the tea's invigorating aroma as these intrusions relived themselves.

After the recent evocative events and subsequent reflections, Elyse resolved to focus on a few improvements at work. While she remained pleasant and cordial, her manners were more subdued. Although she had always been diligent, now she approached the assignments with even more zest. To her surprise and delight, instead of strained by the extra effort, she was elated by the results. For sure, it was always a pleasure to be the subject of bestowed accolade, but it was the knowledge that she could command it that helped to mend her wounded pride.

One day, she was so absorbed at work that when finally emerged from it, it was almost midday. After giving her body and well-deserved stretch, she caught a familiar figure leaning against the doorframe of her office.

It was about a week since the convention. After that fateful night, this was the first time they were alone. Unavoidably, they ran into each other, but she had tried to be evasive, pretending nothing had happened. Indeed, how she wished that nothing had ever happened! However, more often than not, even in a crowded room, she would catch him staring at her with a look seemingly for her alone. Then, his passionate declaration would ring in her ears. While she still doubted his intention, it did not diminish her distress knowing she could never return his affections.

Now that he was standing there, she could no longer avoid him. Before she could begin, a becoming blush flushed her face as memory of that night irrupted. Abashed and could not immediately acknowledge him, she lowered her eyes.

The effect of the blush and her modesty was devastating to her admirer. Eyes unwavering, Steve almost groaned. Good Heaven! She's everything lovely! Straightened up his frame, he walked towards her until he was close but not too close for his equanimity. Even so, the ingrained liveliness deserted him, and for a few seconds, he was fixed on the spot. It was a good thing that she was not looking! Finally, he collected his wits and his jovial demeanor returned.

"I want to get on your calendar," he drawled, a challenging glint in his eyes.

"My calendar?" Elyse rose her eyes to meet his, trying to appear impervious.

"Yes, your social calendar, that is. How about a night in the town, candlelight dinner, and maybe a little music?" He suggested provocatively. Seeing her blush showed no sign of receding, he declared a small triumph with a smirk.

"Well, it all sounds marvelous, but I think you can easily find others more appreciative of your offers," she mocked, following his tone.

"True, but I'm not interested. I know what I want and I go after it." His eyes glittered.

"Geez, you've got to be kidding! With two kids? All those romantic notions of yours should be dashed by now. You must find solace elsewhere," she supplied gleefully. Fully intending to dismiss him, she resumed her attention at the desk.

"Elyse... " No longer could keep up with the charade, he pleaded while closing the distance between them.

"Steve, no, " she warned softly but firmly.

Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his hair. "You're not going to make this easy for me, aren't you?"

"I'm not making you do anything," she retorted and held her ground. After a defeated sigh, he hung his head and walked away.

Hence, this had been the way between them. Unfortunately, Elyse had underestimated her admirer's persistence. At time went on, although she was successful in refusing going out on a date, he managed to persuade her going out to lunch a few times.

Shifting her body a little on the sofa, Elyse sighed when remembering the dejected look on Steve's face. But there was little she could do. In the onrush of passion, he had declared his love. She could not help speculating how often he had done the same. Anyway, it did not matter. She shook her head. Nothing would happen again, she would make sure of it. Tomorrow would be here soon enough. Perhaps the week's absence was just the thing to quench his interest. And perhaps in his book, she was already ancient history. Even if not, it was never her style to toy with one's affections.

With that thought, the resentment she vowed to put aside returned in full force. How could he accuse her so when she had taken pride in her values and beliefs? With agitation, she shifted again. Why did she care about his opinions anyway? Oddly enough, now that they had drifted apart, she found him occupying her thoughts more than she liked. Tried as she may, her thoughts drifted to the very same person as another memory intruded.

"Clarke, so good to see you!" Elyse exclaimed and motioned him inside.

In truth, she had missed him. But after that dreadful Accusation, what could she do? There could be no denying that the dynamics had changed. She could not invite herself to Ackerley, could she? It would only reaffirm its owner's opinion that she was throwing herself at any man she could find, wouldn't it? The indignation accompanied that thought almost overtook her if not for the presence of her friend. Taking a deep breath, she decided to put all unpleasant thoughts aside. It was not until the usual pleasantries were exchanged when she noticed something was amiss. With apprehension, she began.

"What's the matter?" Is everything all right?" Concerns filled her voice.

Grateful for her opening, Clarke looked at her beseechingly. How should he explain his visit? Something was not right, she had not visited Ackerley for quite some time. Moreover, just when the master was beginning to improve, the sense of melancholic restlessness, so suffused him last year, had returned. His silent, hasty departure for Pemberley only added to the unsettling amalgamation. Meeting her inquiring eyes, he revealed.

"It's the master." Perhaps hoping she would understand, he stopped after these words.

Elyse squirmed a little under his piercing eyes, but she rallied herself soon enough and encouraged him to go on, "Oh?"

"Since Master Richard's wedding, he has been silent and grave, even more so just before heading off to Pemberley, a week earlier than usual. I haven't seen him this way since the last time... " That event was so traumatic that, for a moment, he could not continue.

"The last time?" she repeated, her curiously was now piqued.

"When he was gravely ill," he blurted out, with a forlorn look in his eyes too disheartening for Elyse to behold. However, not knowing what to say, she let him continue.

"As I was saying, since the wedding, he has become even more reclusive." Sensing his distress, she placed her hands on his arm gently and let him finish. "He's such a good master that none of us can bear seeing him this way. But as always, he solves everyone else's problem but won't let anyone get near him."

It was not until he paused after such deliberation that he wondered why he felt safe in revealing this to her. In fact, he had never done so to anyone before. He hoped he had not unwittingly intruded on his master's privacy.

After such a disclosure, Elyse's mind could not be at ease. She could almost see him there, wearing the same expressions the day he came to Neuhausen. Her ungenerous words then echoed in her ears. Seeing Clarke's distress only added to her remorse. Again, she tried to put those unpleasant thoughts aside and attended to her friend.

Other than her gentle understanding and sympathetic ears, she did not need to say much. As by mutual understanding, her presence was all that Clarke had wanted. After unleashing his troubling thoughts, he felt much better. Glancing down at her appreciatively, how he wished she could visit Ackerley more often! Like a ray of sunshine, her presence never ceased to illuminate the quiet elegant manor, adding life and liveliness.

"By the way, it's been ages since you last visited. Have you been that busy that you couldn't find time for an old friend?" Now that his mood had improved, he could not help teasing her a little.

"Well, yes, we've been quite busy lately," she evaded. Besides, that was a lot of truth to it.

"Don't stay away too long, feel free to come by. We miss you," he said wistfully.

As much as it was against her resolve, she embraced the idea. After their quarrel, Darcy had reverted to his previous self -- cold and distant, and she hated it. In some ways, she regretted it. They had come a long way in their understanding and friendship. Until the recent mishap, she was quite content the way it was. Remember the night he stayed over? Before she could stop, she found herself suffused with a gentle sensation, pleasurable warmth, and a peculiar longing to be with him. Instead of his accusations, she remembered his noble characters, kindness, generosity, and the quiet gentleness with which he dealt with Aaron and Aster. Shaking her head lightly, she almost groaned. Why should it matter anyway? Hadn't she resolved not to reach beyond her means?

When that disquieting recollection ended, Elyse found herself ill at ease. Unbidden, his mysterious gray eyes, with the same expressions before he walked away in the rain, rose before her. Not only at this moment, but even when she was among the majestic Rockies, she had found it odd that his eyes seemed to follow. Trying to dispel them and the feelings they invoked, she decided it was time to retire for the night.

Since the convention, Steve felt like an animal in captivity, and he felt it even more acutely while Elyse was away. After that fateful night, they maintained their friendly rapport, at least on the surface. For that, he should be thankful. However, he had wanted more, even knowing that he had no right to expect it. Notwithstanding that she had made it clear, he could not help wanting to be with her. Following his heart, he had asked her out but was getting increasingly frustrated by her repeated rejections.

To the best of his knowledge, he did not think she was seeing anyone. But he could not help panicking at the possibility. After all, he could not imagine her lacking admirers. His stomach twisted at the thought of her in the arms of someone else. The irony of it did not escape him. Of all the women who had willingly submitted to his charms, as they were all superficial, he had never cared if they had other interests. No, it was not until she came to his life that he regretted how casually he had conducted that part of his life. Moreover, experienced as he was, with her, he found himself unequipped for the challenge.

This morning, after awakening from another frustrating dream, he barely made it to the office on time. After gulping down a half cup of coffee savagely, he looked at the direction of one particular office with anticipation. She should be back today! Seized by a surge of energy, he was determined to seek her out.

He was not disappointed. She had returned. Although the day had barely begun, she was already in the midst of work. For a few minutes, he was contented himself with watching her. Finally, unable to suppress his eagerness, he pronounced his arrival.

"Morning," he forced a jovial tone, "How was vacation?"

"Good morning, Steve," she looked up and gave him a brilliant smile. "It was wonderful! The Rockies are breathtaking, have you been there?" Looking at him archly, she added, "Oh, did I miss anything exciting while I was gone?" Still basked in the afterglow of vacation, she had temporarily forgotten her resolve and reverted to her playful self.

You're breathtaking! He said to himself. And when she looked and smiled at him like that, he was a lost man.

Receiving no response, she continued, "Too much work, huh?" Pointing at the pile, she continued, "I'm swamped! This would take at least a few days to straighten up." She sighed dramatically.

Normally, he would have teased her exaggeration, but now, all he could do was drinking in the sight of her. Thinking about how much he had missed her, his eyes clouded over. At that moment, gone was the flippant and carefree creature the world knew. Alarmed, she stopped what she was doing and walked towards him.

"What's the matter?' she persisted quizzically. Upon receiving no response, inadvertently, she reverted to the well-tried tactics. With a saucy smile, she asked, "Things aren't quite your liking, hmmm? Who was it this weekend?"

As if struck by lightning, he remained perfectly still while his face turned a hundred hues. He opened his mouth, but closed it before he could speak. Never in his life had he ever responded to such an inquiry so violently! The man before he knew her would have laughed heartily and probably would have added a few tantalizing teases. Yet, even now that he was no longer the man he used to be, he was still surprised by the intensity of the emotions effected by her provocative question. Unable to contain himself, he seethed.

"Who was it this weekend? " he repeated in a trembling voice. With agitation, he demanded, "What do you think of me? When I... when we... arrgh!" The implication of her question was so revolting that he could not continue. Not trusting himself to act rationally, he stomped out of the office without a backward glance.

Shocked at his unprecedented outburst, all she could do was staring after his retreating figure. When she recovered enough, she realized she had done it again! She was annoyed and disappointed at herself. She had only wanted to elicit a response, however, the fact remained -- it was not her place to pry. An apology was in order, but she must wait.

Later in the day, she sought his forgiveness but he was gone for the day. She tried to reach him at home but no one answered. Could she postpone it until tomorrow?

After storming out of the office, all Steve did was moping around the house. How could she say that to me? Doesn't she know what she means to me? Haven't I given her my heart? What more can I do? He asked aloud in frustration as he paced the length of the living room floor. Totally frustrated and exhausted from many nights of restless sleep, he sought the comfort of his bed. To his dismay, lying there only reminded him of what it was like with her. Heart aching, he broke into uncontrollable sobs. As if determined to torture himself as much as possible, he repeated every aspect of that night and earlier today, when finally, exhaustion drove him to another restless sleep.

In semi-drowsiness, he was awakened by the sound of the doorbell. He ignored it first but the visitor persisted. After muttering some illegible oaths, he went to answer it with the full intention of closing it as soon as possible.

"May I come in?" Eyes widened, he was unprepared to find the object of his disturbance outside the door.

In view of what happened, Elyse had debated over the wisdom of visiting him. At the end, her remorse prevailed. Admitting that she had hurt him badly, she could not rest until the situation was rectified. At the very least, he deserved an apology. She would be careful and only stay as long as necessary.

He could not deny her anything. His initial thought of closing the door all forgotten, without a word, he stepped aside and let her in. Without advancing much beyond the entrance, they looked at each other warily. An uncomfortable silence filled the house.

"What brought you here?" he finally began in a constricted tone.

"Steve," she stepped a little closer and reached out for his hands. As if her touch burned, he released her hands but not before she regained his.

"Steve," she tried again. Any doubts in whether her earlier comments had hurt him fled at his dejected manner. This was such a contrast to the façade he presented to the world. Feeling responsible for his distress, she took the plunge.

"I come to apologize," she offered, "my comments were insensitive and unwarranted. Please forgive me." The look she gave him showed all the sincerity in her heart.

He could not fault her, knowing her remarks were innocent. However, the thought that it was how she put him in her estimation pained him to the core. Even refusing to accept it, deep inside, he sensed he had little chance with her. Indeed, it was a sad prospect, and the desolation rendered him incapable to response.

Receiving no acknowledgment, Elyse could not help forming her own conclusion. If he were determined to be irreconcilable, she had no choice but accept it. But she must give a final attempt.

"That's all I come to say. I'd understand if you won't forgive me, but I hope you would. Sorry to disturb you." After giving his hands a final squeeze, she released them.

No sooner had she turned and reached for the doorknob than he reached out for her. Surprised, she lost her balance and found herself enfolded in his arms.

"Don't you know what you mean to me?" he demanded hoarsely, only inches away from her face.

She could feel his escalated heartbeat. Alarmed by a similar situation from a recent memory, she put her hands on his chest to hold him away. However, it did not stop him from pouring out his heart.

"I love you to distraction, don't you know that?" he murmured huskily.

"Steve," she gasped, feeling his hot breath on her neck, "please, we've discussed this already. Can't we just be friends, the way we used to be?"

By now, he had realized he had frightened her. He cursed his lack of self-control, which was so unlike him. The corner of his mouth twisted sardonically at the irony. For many years, he was master of the game. His past conquests too eager to please, he was always the one in command. But with her, it was an experience like no others. None came remotely close. If he wanted any chance with her, he must be patient.

"Please forgive me," he stepped back a little but without releasing her, "I know not what to do, but I can't settle just being friends. Please believe me when I said I love you and want more."

"Steve," she sighed heavily as a deep sorrow washed over her, "you must know that it's all for naught."

"Why?" Caught the pain in her voice, he asked softly.

"Having married once was all the awakening I need," she said bitterly.

"Tell me what happened" He prodded.

What was there to tell? Not that she would ever consider him, but given his reputation, she had much to think about. Glen had been just as charming, but look at how he had turned out! If she could be so wrong once, how could she ever trust herself. As she responded, she averted his eyes, unwilling to let him see her pain.

"He had hurt me as badly as imaginable. Not only me, he had forsaken his own flesh and blood." Time might have healed the wound, but the scar, like an epitaph, would always be there.

He frowned, unable to suppress the strong desire to revenge for her. At the same time, the urge to taste her rippled in his chest and he was about to lean towards her when something on her eyes stopped him. He stopped, but the unquenchable urge to touch her persisted and he settled for caressing her cheeks.

"Oh, Elyse! But I won't be like that, I promise," he said earnestly.

"No, you don't understand. My experience taught me that I wasn't a good judge of character, and I won't risk making the same mistake again."

"We live and we learn, and we can find happiness again if we'd only try." He could not relinquish his desire as his long fingers found their way to her lips.

Alarmed by what the intensity in his eyes could lead to, she struggled from his hold when finally, was freed from him. With determination, she reached for the doorknob. As she was opening the door, she turned to face him and put in.

"For some, perhaps, but I've made my decision. Steve, whether we like it or not, sometimes we must accept life as is." Before leaving, she added, "Take care of yourself. See you in the office tomorrow."

Unable to detain her any longer, he grimaced and nodded. It was some time after she disappeared behind the closed door that he could gather himself. His mind a jumble of emotions, he felt the need to be free, even if only given more space. With deliberation, he walked across the room and opened the double glass doors leading to the balcony.

Although he was free from the confines of the house, his mind was not. The thoughts so overwhelmed him before continued to consume him. There was no denying it, her strong conviction gave him anguish and despair. Nonetheless, he was more concerned about her. His face darkened at the crime that Glen, that heartless creature, committed. He could not bear to see her suffered from irreversible pain and wound. She did not deserve it.

From the beginning, he knew that she would be a challenge. While he would go to the end of the world for her, he must also be honest with himself. So impenetrable was the fortress she had built around her heart that he was uncertain if he could bring it down. Even if he could not, strangely enough, he hoped that somehow, someday, someone could. She deserved a second change of happiness. He loved her that much. As if searching for a sign, he turned his face to the sky. Nothing but random clouds was there to greet him.

He wondered what lay ahead. Still looking, he remembered her parting words, how she wanted just be friends. Could he reconcile himself to that? His heart lurched at the probable inevitability.

* Bryant

Chapter 30: The One

"So, Arthur, how did the meeting go?"

Elyse inquired as soon as they found a table by the windows, from which an excellent view of the beautiful grounds could be seen. This was yet another testimony of the executives' consideration and generosity in providing the best environment for their deserving employees. Besides its indoor spaciousness and elegance, the stately granite headquarter was surrounded by rolling hills, which offered the perfect environment for deer, groundhogs, opossum, squirrels, chipmunks, wild turkeys, to name just a few. Always grateful for this respite, her mood was further elated at the sight of a pair of graceful swans in the lake moving in harmony with a family of wild geese.

"It went very well," Arthur reported with a grin, taking a seat opposite her. He then proceeded to relate the details.

Shortly after the meeting in London, he returned to the office. He usually took charge whenever Darcy was away. This time was no different, Darcy was still in Pemberley. With that thought, Arthur continued.

"Darcy was there, too, as you know. But good heavens! He looked tired and distracted." He sighed with concern.

"Oh, is he all right?" Elyse asked casually, trying to disregard the sudden twist in her heart.

"He's all right. To some extend, he always is. I've walked the earth for many years, and I can boast one can't find a finer man. He's truly extraordinary, his many qualities admirable. And I'm not saying it because he's my friend and business partner. But I do wish to see him happy."

"You have doubt then?" Unbidden, Clarke's similar disclosure rose in her mind.

Being Darcy's mentor since university, and later, as a friend and business partner, he could safely say that he knew him well. Last June, after that grave illness, he had been keeping a close watch on Darcy. Actually, come to think of it, even long before that episode, there had been a noted change in his perennial vigor and drive. By no means did his work performance suffer from it, it had more to do with his aura. Although he always respected his privacy, he wondered what could be the cause of this melancholic restlessness. At that thought, his forehead was furrowed. Early on, he had taken an immediate liking of the exceptional young man, and over the years, their affinity had turned into something almost familial.

"Darcy may not be always blissfully happy, but most of the time he seemed contend enough until... " His voice drifted away.

"Until?" Curious, she prodded.

"Until the Geneva venture," he finally choked out the words. "You weren't here yet, so I doubt if you knew anything about it. Yes, he overexerted himself on that one, so much so that he gave us quite a fright."

"That must've been quite a daunting task," she commended. At the same time, she could not suppress Darcy's fragile image she beheld after the long absence.

"Indeed, it was. But once his mind is set, he rarely fails. He demands that much of himself. Still, I was shocked at the vengeance with which he executed on that one. No doubt, he loves his work and it's very important to him, but he has made it clear that it's not his life. His many outside interests can attest to that." He paused a little before continuing. "So I suspect there is more to it than meets the eyes. At the time, Alex and I tried to find out. However, nothing seemed out of the ordinary except... " His voice tapered off when recollecting what Alex had said to him at the time.

"Except?" She was now all ears.

"Yes, it seemed odd, but we were told that whenever he returned to the house at the end of the day, he spent most of his time staring at this tapestry."

"Oh, a tapestry? What's it about?"

"The housekeeper wasn't sure because the design was quite obscure. All he could tell was a pattern with flowers and a profile of a person or some sort."

Elyse could not stop the racing of her heart or the playing of her imagination. As Arthur continued to reveal, her mind began to form her own conclusion. Memories of her various encounters with Darcy returned -- the lingering sense of longing and hopelessness, and the recent revelation of 'the one,' -- all conjured a valid explanation of the odd behaviors observed by Arthur and Clarke.

"A person? Hmm... "

"Yes, probably a woman, all indications are pointing towards that. Whatever ails him must have something to do with whomever she is."

"Do you know who?" She could not help asking.

"I hardly know. But knowing him as I do, I can safely say this one is serious. Poor Darcy, women flaunt at him all the time!" He let out a low laugh, remembering Darcy's distaste at those advances and how effortlessly he had deflected them.

"If he seems unhappy, it could be that all is not well between him and his lady." She deduced logically.

"Quite possibly so, but there's little we can do but pray for the best." He sniffed. "Whoever she is, I do hope she's worthy of him. He is an excellent man and deserves someone in kind. To see him happily settled is my fondest wish, and I hope to live to see it."

It was not the first time that Elyse noticed the genuine affection and respects that Darcy's acquaintance freely bestowed on him. For sure, he was fortunate, Elyse surmised, but his excellent characters had earned him what he rightfully deserved.

As the conversation wore on, she found herself losing stamina. Since returning from vacation, life had been hectic. Perhaps it was the season, Aster's allergies had worsened. The past few nights, she had spent tending to the little girl's comfort. Her motherly care was rewarded. Aster had begun to improve. However, deprived of many nights of sleep, she began to feel unwell. Nevertheless, as always, she thought little of her own welfare. The weight of her world placed on her slender shoulders, she must carry on.

The confrontation with Steve a few days earlier had further unsettled her and she was unfit to deal with the enormous emotional burden. Although still not quite willing, she began to reconsider Steve's feelings. The thought that he really meant what he said was not what she wanted. Moreover, his persistence was troublesome. Just as persistence, Glen had swept her off her feet. Young and inexperienced at the time, she had married based on impulse. She thought she was in love. She thought mutual respect and personal integrity were givens. In good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, she had kept her promises made to Glen. Sadly, he did not withhold the same believes and values. It was a fatal mistake she would never make again. Besides, she was certain there would never be an 'again.'

Only a few times Darcy remembered feeling so restless during his Pemberley visit. Hoping that the management of the various estate tasks could discipline his unruly thoughts, he threw himself into it. Nevertheless, it failed, and miserably. Not even all the demand of duties could stop his mind from wandering into that well-treaded path. To face his demons, he had formed that revolve on that special spot in his ancient home.

And it was that resolve that brought him back to Ackerley a week earlier. As soon as he returned, he was surprised to see Clarke there to receive him. Little did he know that since what happened last year, everyone had been in high alert.

Work was unusually busy. It was not until several days later when he could seek out his heart's desire. But it was all for naught. When he reached his destination, all there to greet him was a darkened office. Later, he was told that Elyse had gone home due to a bad case of headache.

Longing, disappointment, and concerns drove him to near madness. It was not long before he was standing outside her house and ringing the doorbell. No one answered. Where is she? As he eyed the confounded door menacingly, he hated to admit how close he was in breaking it down. Fortunately, the appearance of his friend somewhat restored his rational self.

"Darcy, if you're looking for Elyse, she's still in class." Paul Bailey emerged from his house, carrying an overnight bag in his hand.

"Hello, Paul. I'm just dropping by to see how she's feeling. I heard she has a bad headache," Darcy trailed off, realizing how lame that sounded. Such a giveaway. Anyone could tell he was wearing his heart on his sleeves. But did it really matter? To know how she was doing was the most important thing at the present.

"Yes, she's a little under the weather, but that didn't stop her from going to class today, thanks to an important exam. That's the way she is. If not one of the most determined women I've ever seen!" Paul chuckled affectionately.

"How is she?" Darcy asked nervously.

"Well, Aster's been sick for a few days due to allergies. So, Elyse has been up all nights. Just when Aster is feeling better, she's beginning to feel unwell." Paul sighed.

"Where is Aaron and Aster?"

"Oh, Glen has picked them up already. This is the week they stay over his place. It's a good thing, poor Elyse can get some rest." By now, Katherine also emerged.

"Hello, Katherine! Well, it looks like you're going out so I won't detain you," Darcy said apologetically.

"Yes, we're on our way to the airport. We'll be gone for a few days visiting some relatives." Shifting the bag to his other hand, Paul continued, "Elyse should be home soon. Take good care of her for us, won't you?" The elder couple smiled at him before leaving him behind.

Paul was right. It was not long before he spotted her. Instantly, the lack of her usual spirit put him on high alert and the several heavy volumes on her arms only propelled him towards her faster.

"Here, let me help you with these," he offered, the basic greeting etiquette completely forgotten.

Elyse almost jumped at his unexpected and abrupt appearance. Before she could utter a sound, however, the heavy load was lifted from her. She could not feel ungrateful for his gallantry. Fatigued and feeling a little feverish, she acknowledged with a weak smile.

"Hello, Darcy, I didn't know you're back."

"Yes, I've back, a week earlier than planned," still worried about her, he responded impatiently. "How are you? The secretary told me that you're unwell," he asked gently while they walked towards her house.

After opening the door, she turned to face him and reached out her hands for the books.

"I'm fine, thank you. You can give them to me now." Fully anticipating him to do as asked, she was surprised to meet with a frown. Well, she could be just as persistence. Without any intention of inviting him in, she repeated, "If you'll be so kind to hand over the books. That'd be all."

Distance. He was fully cognizant of the distance she was now placing between them. Yes, they had drifted apart and he regretted it. But he was hoping there was still remnant of the special something he thought they had shared. Hence, there was more than pain he felt when she treated him so indifferently. Especially his heart literally ached every time he looked at her or thought about her. Now, being so close yet so far only intensified his desolation. He began to feel his legendary control slipping away, hanging precariously on a thread.

"May I come in?" His jaw tightened against the stir of emotions within him. Unmasked by her cold reception, his hot emotions were running so high that they were beginning to spill over his every feature.

Never having seen him thus, Elyse felt no less perplexed than subdued. Besides, night had begun to fall and she was too tired to argue. Stepping aside, she acquiesced but left the door opened. Looking at him curiously, she tried again.

"As you see, I'm not fit for company, so allow me to be frank. Pray tell me, what else do you want?"

I want you! He could have screamed. Exasperated, his patience was degenerating dangerously. "I'm concerned about you, and wish that you're feeling better." His low-timbre sounded savage to her ears.

"I thank you for your concerns and well wishes. It's really nothing. All I need is some rest." Tilting her chin, she maintained her post by the door.

G-d! This man is trying my patience! She could have screamed. The strenuous exam had drained the last of her reserve. The fever she felt while driving home seemed to be rising by the second. Unknowingly, she felt her forehead with her palm.

His eyes never wavered. The flush on her cheeks and the unnatural glaze in her beautiful eyes pushed his frustrating thoughts aside. After depositing the books on the kitchen table, quite roughly, he possessed her forehead with his hand. After only one touch, he frowned.

"You're definitely not well! Come, let me take your temperature. Where's the thermometer?" With that, he closed the door and led her inside.

Irked by his presumptuous charge in her house, she raised her voice, "I'm perfectly fine, and I can take care of myself!"

Ignoring her protest, he deposited her on the sofa and searched for the thermometer. It did not take him long to find it in the small sparsely decorated house. When the procedure was done, he frowned at the reading. With long strides, he returned to the medicine cabinet.

"Take these!" He ordered after securing the proper amount of medication and a glass of water.

Throughout his ministering, she could do little but comply. To her dismay, she actually found humor in it. Years of medical training had made their mark. Under the circumstance, the doctor side of him emerged in full measure. Interestingly enough, it blended in perfectly with his characters. His next move ended the amusement, and before she knew it, she was led into her room.

"Now get some rest. If your fever doesn't come down by tomorrow morning, we need to call the doctor." His tone left no room for negotiation. After helping her to remove her boots and putting a blanket over her, he continued to observe her closely.

Meeting his eyes, she did not know whether she should be vexed or amused. After some inner struggles, she offered weakly, "Looks like I have to thank you again. I'll be fine. Now please go home. Just close the door behind you, it should lock by itself."

"I'm just going to stay for a little while." He said decidedly. Sinking down onto the bed beside her, he reached out and gently pushed away a few errand strands of hair from her face. It seemed to be the most natural thing to do.

"I think you should leave... " Perhaps it was his voice, perhaps it was her weariness, his touch soothed her. Feeling content and safe, she drifted off to sleep before she could finish.

So close yet so far. He let out a deep sigh. She looked so weak. Life had not been kind to her. If he were not here, what would happen to her? He winced. But when his eyes caressed every inch of her face, he knew that her spirit would never desert her. He smiled down at her sleeping form lovingly. There was so much about her that he admired. He longed to reach out, gather her in his arms and tell her how he felt. Not having the right to do so, he had to content himself with worshipping her from afar.

Well, at least for now, even if only for a few hours, he had her all to himself. With that thought, he smiled again. Yet, as much as he loved to stay by her side, the setting and the hour conjured an image too much for his equanimity. He tucked the blanket securely around her, and unable to restrain himself, he brushed her forehead with his lips. Very reluctantly, he got up and closed the door behind him.

Sleep was a luxury this week, and tonight was the first night Elyse had some. When she finally woke up, she felt much better. Looking at the clock by the nightstand, she realized it was just a little after five in the morning. While shifting her body, she realized she was still wearing daytime clothes. Confused, she tried to recall the last few hours. It can't be! Was she so exhausted that she hallucinated? Her recollection told her that Darcy was here. Was he? And is he still here?

As if answering her questions, a soft melody drifted into the room. A recognizable piece, the one she had been practicing. Although hearing only the melody, she knew the lyrics so well that the two blended in her mind effortlessly.

No rush though I need your touch
I won't rush your heart
Until you feel on solid ground
Until your strength is found

As she lay listening, the music filled all her senses and she was moved by the masterful interpretation. The piece could not be executed better. Could he be playing it? Curiosity drove her to get up perhaps a little too abruptly. Rewarded with a jolt, she touched her forehead. The fever had receded, but remnant of the headache remained. She must move slowly. With measured pace, she climbed out of her bed and quickly freshened up a bit in the joined bathroom before stepping out of her room.

I'll fill those canyons in your soul
Like a river lead you home
And I'll walk a step behind
In the shadows so you shine

After leaving her, Darcy returned to the living room and pondered his next move. Propriety demanded him to leave, but knowing she was unwell, it was not an option. After throwing caution to the wind, he settled on the sofa with a book. During the night, he had checked her twice. Relieved that she seemed unstirred, he had drifted off to restless sleep. By early dawn, he was awake. When he got up and surveyed the room, he came upon the sheet music on the piano. Out of habit, he scanned through it. In a flash, it struck a cord in his soul. And on their own, his fingers reached out to the keys.

Somebody else was here before
He treated you unkind
And broken wings need time to heal
Before a heart can fly

His presence answered all her questions. It was not her hallucination after all. Unconsciously, she walked towards him. As if beckoned by the melody, she took a seat next to him. Somehow, she did not remember when, her fingers reached out to the ivory keys.

Trust in me and you'll find a heart so true
All I want to do is give the best of me to you
And stand beside you

So absorbed in transcribing his innermost feelings to the melody that he did not see her approaching. When he finally registered her presence, to his astonishment, she had taken a seat beside him. Just when his fingers began to falter and before he could resume, she surprised him again by joining her fingers on the keys with his. His surprise was quickly replaced by delight. His heart filled with the sentimental duet flowing from their fingertips.

Just ask it will be done
And I will prove my love
Until you're sure that I'm 'the one' *

As they reached the last note, their hands intertwined. Elyse let out a contented sigh as her eyes lingered on the keyboard. It was then that her opal ring caught her attention. Suddenly, memory of the night when he gave it a few turns came rushing in, and his admission of having found 'the one' followed. On their own, her eyes rose to meet his, holding his. When her eyes took in the rest of his expressions, her breath stopped at her throat.

All pretenses had vanished from his face, leaving only those emotions truest to the soul to be seen. Till this moment, she had feared what was hidden inside those dark fathomless pools. As she remained captive under his gaze, what was hidden there was now unleashed, and it answered all her unspoken questions. Instead of fear, she was bewildered and bothered to find her entire being rumbling and rejoicing with exaltation.

Just as suddenly, this profound discovery trigged yet another. For as long as and as many times as she could remember, she had seen the same expressions. They were so inexplicable to her then. Frightened by the magnitude of that implication, she drew a shaky breath. Should she believe or disregard what she was seeing and feeling? Caught off guard by the force of her feelings, she swallowed hard. She knew she had to get away from him.

Perhaps it was the residual headache, she could not immediately command her limbs. It was with ultimate effort that she succeeded in crossing to the other side of the room. Stationed in front of the bay windows, she was then feeling safe enough to examine the latest discoveries, to understand their meanings, and to becalm the turmoil they effected.

Nothing escaped Darcy's notice. For a moment, seeing his deepest emotions mirrored in her eyes and face, his heart had leapt with joy. But, that did not last long. Just as quickly, her retreat had cooled his ardor and the spell was broken. He stared after her graceful form as he questioned himself. Was he only dreaming? Sadly, after a quick assessment of their relationship, he had to accept the harsh reality. So desperate was he to believe that it must be his overblown imagination at work, or wishful thinking, or both. After letting out a defeated sign, he shoved the maudlin thought aside. With a heavy heart, he walked to where she was and faced her.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you? It's such a hauntingly beautiful piece that I just couldn't resist," he apologized gently. The song says it all. That's exactly how I feel, do you know that? He added silently to himself. "Why did you get up? You need to get some rest."

By now, she had summoned enough strength to mask her emotions. However, she could not be unmoved by his gentleness, the compassionate side that was rarely shown. She stole a glance at him. He looked disheveled, but that only brought out the virile magnetism lurking beneath his forbiddingly handsome and noble exterior. The overall effect was devastating. Perhaps it was the residual fever, her mouth and throat went dry. To her dismay, the feelings that had terrified and perplexed her just moments ago now returned with renewed potency. Trying to banish them, she spoke more harshly than intended.

"Darcy, what are you doing here? You should be home! This is, this is... entirely improper," she blushed. Then a recent recollection and her self-defense urged her to take on a different turn. "I can well imagine your opinion of the matter," she added defiantly.

If she intended to provoke him, she had succeeded beyond her imagination. His eyes went ablaze and his face paled. Did she have to bring that up? How he had hated himself a million times for accusing her thus!

"Oh, please stop!" he growled in controlled fury. G-d! What's the matter with this woman? "I've already apologized, haven't I? I regret saying all those things. I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. You have no idea how that has tortured me. What can I do to convince you that I'm truly sorry?" Fingering his already disheveled hair, he cried in perturbation.

"Then tell me why are you still here? I've asked you to leave. Or is it that you come to check to make sure I'm indeed sick when I left early... " She demanded, her tone matching his.

"Enough of this nonsense!" He erupted, interrupting her accusation. Moving closer, he pronounced slowly but precisely, "You're the -- most -- maddening -- woman I'd ever known!"

Ruthlessly, he grabbed her arms, bringing her closer to him. Instinctively, she tried to back away. Interpreting that he was beyond forgiving, his agitation escalated. This only increased his hold on her, drawing her even closer.

"No... " She protested on a gasp.

She felt his hands clasping her upper arms with firm possession. Still recovering from the unsettling discoveries, her head swam. She could feel her blood raging from her fingertips all the way to her toes. Her senses were further assailed by his proximity and masculinity. She tried to pull away but he continued to imprison her. She was forced to gaze up into his face. It was then she saw all she would ever want in a man -- honor, integrity, tenderness, passion, and absolute devotion. His tempestuous eyes raked over her face with such raw hunger that made her tremble. Trying to get some air in her lungs, she parted her lips but a whimper escaped.

His life's torment, she set him constantly on disarray. Yet, it was something as old as time.

Enfolded in his arms, she felt so delicate and feminine to his touch. It was not the first time she made him tingling helplessly with such crashing, roiling emotions. On one hand, he wanted to protect her, to ease all her pain and sorrows. Yet on another, he wanted to possess her, to make her surrender to his power. As his eyes continued to probe her, something inside him finally exploded and the latter triumphed. With slow inevitability, he bent and smothered her lips with an intensity that bespoke all his repressed desires, aching yearning, and flaming passions.

While he crushed her soft mouth under his over and over again, they knew that they had touched each other deeper than they had ever been touched. Their two hearts beating in unison, they were embarking on a sacred journey of their own. A new chapter in the book of their lives had begun.

* The One (sung by Gary Allan)
** A Proverb (Source Unknown)